The look in her eyes is far from hateful… which makes the sting of being caught so much worse, somehow.
She's just disappointed. Deeply confused. Heartbroken.
Everything he's earned, crumbles. Everything he has, burns to the ground.
Again.
Ciel's plan to teach him a lesson is a bit extreme, but he's manipulated the board and deluded people for so long, perhaps a lesson is called for.
He deserves it. He deserves to be punished for surviving in Ciel's place.
He wouldn't ever let her down here himself. He doesn't want her down here to see him in this cell, kept behind bars.
She does not belong here. She's too good to be here, too pure. The sun cannot shine down here. Her light will only dampen within these cold, stone walls.
Guilt eats at him when he hears her heels carefully pass Sebastian's cell first and stop directly in front of his.
"Go home, Lizzy." He raps softly in defeat, almost pleading. He can barely stomach to look up at her. Her mere presence has a very odd effect on him these days.
"You have asthma. It's cold down here," she says shortly, simply. In fact, she doesn't sound all that pleased to visit him anymore either. "I've brought you a heavier blanket. Use it, at least."
"Master."
He wakes to Sebastian's voice strongly echoing out from in the neighboring cell. He's still partly slumped in the corner, panting and wrapped in the blanket, still being pressed under the weight of sheer exhaustion.
"You were dreaming again, Master," is all he hears afterward.
He closes his eyes, rubbing his brow. Yes. Yes, he was.
Only this time the haunting memories of the fire, of the blood… of the altar and the ceremonial knife lifting over Ciel… were suddenly replaced with him, chasing after the sun.
No matter how fast he tried running down that long, dark tunnel he was trapped in, he could not catch up to her. He followed her faint laughter coming from far away. He was stretching his hand toward that light, desperately and imploring. And once he had finally reached the ending and found the way out, the sun was just… eclipsed by the moon. Just like that. All of that searching and effort to find it, only for it to be swallowed up by that massive shadow. It was unfair.
He was so damn close, though he was never close enough.
"… Ciel, I'm …"
"That's not me."
She pauses, catching herself. "Right. I know that."
"Why are you here, Lizzy?"
She suddenly lets out this — this pitiful, bubbling choking sound that alarms him. It makes his head whip around on instinct, visibly surprised and concerned. Her eyes are pink and shining with fresh tears, and she's now biting her lower lip as if she's trying so feverishly hard to keep her composure. "Now," she shudders quietly, "…now you call me 'Lizzy,' with ease. You never call me Elizabeth anymore…."
Before he can answer, she swiftly turns her back to him today and leaves.
"Does he know you come here every night?" he wonders, and there is no avoiding the subject this time. Because really, if the roles happened to be reversed and Elizabeth was still disappearing from the Manor on her random whims, he'd most likely try harder to keep an eye on her. He would never loose sight of her again.
"No," she tells him, rather flatly.
"Where does he think you are while you come down here?"
"Dress shopping with Paula. Or at the Funeral Parlor, with… with the Undertaker."
"Lizzy, listen, you shouldn't — "
She shakes her head, ignoring the lecture. " — I can handle it," she states. Her tone is calm, but the words are stiff. Heavy. She is drawing closer to the barred door this time, nearly pressing herself against them. "You didn't have to lie to me."
He slides down the wall across from her. His legs ache from all the pacing. "What was I supposed to tell you otherwise, Lizzy?"
"The truth."
At this, they both hear a loose pebble being jostled aside from inside Sebastian's cell.
He sighs. "I couldn't. Believe me, I had my reasons. At that time, I was, just… I couldn't say why, Lizzy. I couldn't put it on others. Not on you."
"And you think this is better?" She finally summons more venom in her mouth.
She's never really seriously criticized him so freely before; however, she is openly challenging him now. A part of him actually finds it particularly endearing. He can feel the corner of his lips curl upward, in the slightest bit. She does have fire in her blood. She has spirit, passion. She surely has enough warmth that could keep thawing his frozen heart little by little, if things were different. But it doesn't ease the tension. "I cannot change any of it now, not even if I wanted to, Lizzy."
She swallows. "Do you hate me for this?"
He doesn't understand why she has to keep asking him this. For whatever reason, she seems to think all of this is equally her fault. He can sense that she is recoiling back into her shell, and she's ducking her head, shyly and crestfallen. What must he do to show her that she has nothing to feel sorry for? She had nothing to do with his sins. She has no part in this whole ploy — none that she has to be reprimanded for.
Maybe, it's because she also hates herself for what happened. That, he thinks darkly, would be something they truly have in common…
"No, Lizzy." He tells her and leaves all the rest left unsaid. "I mean it when I say, I could never hate you."
(How could I hate somebody I lo — )
She doesn't smile back, but something new and raw flashes in her eyes then.
Ciel stares at him expectedly. "Did you accept the consequences of your actions, little brother?"
He is tired, and hungry. His face goes blank. "Yes."
"Good."
With that, he's allowed to return home at last, solely on the condition that he's stripped of his current duty and titles. Even Sebastian is no longer viewed as the Head of Staff. He's demoted to pose as a simple door-boy for the time being.
His things have also been removed from the Master Quarters and he's forced to sleep in the guest suites down the hall.
He soon learns from Tanaka that Lau hasn't been permitted back on the property since he left, and Finnie and Bard are not working right now for pay, either, until Ciel decides what they're actually going to be allowed to do for him. Meirin is temporarily rooming with Nina in Liver Pool, waiting for an invitation back to the Manor as well.
This event is not the worst thing he's ever experienced, obviously. He'll wade his way through, slowly and surely.
And although the new changes happening around the Manor might look a bit passive-aggressive from afar… at least, Lord Ciel seems to be open to the idea of keeping them all sheltered and comfortable, to some degree. He'll make better use of them, somehow, once nerves are soothed over and the shock settles and rights itself.
It isn't until later that night when he realizes Lizzy is going to be staying with them at the Manor for a few days, upon Ciel's personal insistence — he does feel his gut knotting up with dread and anxiety.
He'd never outwardly admit that he's seeing green, necessarily.
Still, by now, it's just been ingrained into him. Keep Lizzy safe. Keep Lizzy happy. Keep Lizzy out of these dangerous affairs.
And Ciel already isn't doing a very good job at that.
He does become increasingly more worried.
He knows he's not her fiancé. Never has been. He's below her now, below his brother, set apart from their rekindling engagement. It's not his place anymore to fret about her safety or pay close attention to her moods like he is.
But he is concerned. Something is wrong. This is all wrong. This girl who ate her supper without a single word and who is now awkwardly picking at her dessert beside them, with her eyes downcast and forlorn… is not Lizzy. She's not the real Lizzy, not the Lizzy he knows. Not the Lizzy he wants to be around.
She hardly sings or giggles about anything the whole night, and the sight frankly unnerves him.
She's being stifled, snuffed out, fully eclipsed by Ciel's reappearance.
Abruptly, his insides are searing hot with determination. He grips his fork more tightly as he vows right then and there, that he has a brand new goal in mind.
No matter what it takes… even if it kills him in the end, he will literally do anything to see Lizzy smile again.
.
.
.
"There was a time when I was sure
that you and I were truly one
that our future was forever
and would never come undone
And we came so close, to being close
Be careful for you may regret
the choices you made, someday
when love is gone"
.
.
Lyrics: When Love is Gone by Meredith Braun, from "The Muppets' Christmas Carol."