A/N: After over a year of not seeing my friends because of this pandemic, I finally got to see them in person and I got instant serotonin lol. (Don't worry, we're all vaccinated and we made sure to have our masks on as well. We're not idiots.) I may be an extreme introvert/hermit, but even I was missing hanging out with them and that's a big thing for me to say haha. In other news, my little cousins are coming over for the Summer (they should already be here by the time this is uploaded) and my finals are coming up. If I happen to skip the next update, that's probably why because my finals just so happen to land on that week, so apologies in advance if that's the case. I also wore my binder for the first time in like two months- since I've had Reginald removed- and I've forgotten how sore it can make me. (Also, Happy Pride Month everybody! Hope this month treats you well!)
Anywho, this mess huh? Things are gonna get messier and I can't wait.
Thanks to Gabriella backs the Blue for adding this story as a favorite!
Reviews
Hissing Mist- Same, I really liked writing that out. And him finally telling someone was a big step in the right direction for him and I can't help but be rather proud of him. Cloudstar is targeting Flarekitty because she's been the one who embarrassed them already, with Bluepaw's defeat at the sparring match and then rescuing the apprentices. We'll see what ends up happening and I hope it makes sense (even if it hurts). Thanks!
Songmistle (Guest)- I can't spare anybody, cause I'm evil XD That's fine, sometimes it's really hard to pick a song. That'll be a great plot twist haha, fingers crossed everybody. Happy Pride Month! Definitely happy. Cloudy is simple and sweet, makes sense. Haha, jokes on you, I see all. Lucky you, I still have some assignments (aka finals) to do for my classes, and then I made the stupid decision to take a summer class for whatever reason (might drop it, I still haven't decided yet). Man, imagine having your future planned at ten. I'm 21 and I still have no idea what's entirely planned for my future lol. All I know is that I'm working on a book that I'll publish, but that's about it. I heard there are technically ways to have a baby without needing a man involved at all, although I could be wrong. Muffin lol.
Someone (Guest)- It's not a problem haha. Excellent memory all around, it's all good haha XD. Swiftleaf can be non-binary if you want her to be lol. Whatever makes it easier. Good theory, good theory. Would it still count as an assassination if you knew about it? My lips are sealed shut lol. There's actually an opposite day? I didn't know about that. They never truly got a chance to meet actually, they talked about it, but it never happened. She's definitely gonna yeet him again lol. Wolverines are awesome little critters. So fierce and they don't take anything from anybody XD. Dolphins are super clever as well and adorable. Yeah, I tend to listen more to the orchestra/ambiance and instruments rather than lyrics for the most part. I think the character that embodies fire the most will be Emberpaw; the one who embodies water will probably be Gingerpaw actually; the one who embodies earth will be Whiteshadow; and the one who embodies air would be Umbra, when Umbra was around. It was Aqua, Ignis, Terra, and Caeli. ATLA is a great show, I loved it. (Haven't watched Legend of Korra yet though, I still have to get to it.) Nah, this chapter is called Inferno.
FrostedShadowx- Well, let's see how obvious it is haha. Nice predictions though. You have some really cool theories, not gonna lie lol. Yeah, Adderfang can't be the murderer since I can confirm he's not around clan territory anymore. You just really want me to kill Whiteshadow, don't you? XD Have I really been giving him so many death flags? Your theories are very interesting to read.
Echofire (Guest)- It's all good, you don't have to apologize for that XD. My memory can sometimes be bad as well.
reading at 3am is normal- I think only once I remember staying up until 5am and then going to sleep and then waking up at 10am. Idk if that counts as an all-nighter lol, all I know is that I was watching some show that I don't even remember anymore (or multiple shows, it was a long night). Nature is indeed a freakshow with a quaint mix of terrifying and majestic. Oh god, yes I've heard of fig wasps. This is why you shouldn't eat figs lol. Imma be ignorant and ask what's a strid? Tattle on the teacher XD. Now I'm just picturing this story as a schoolyard. Hooray, more music. Memes are great lol.
Rainbow Badge (Guest)- That was not my intention for Owlpelt, but now that you've put it like that, I can't take that image of hippie Owlpelt out of my head. Thanks for that. It's canon now. I love the little stories you make, my favorite part of the week XD. Also, Scottish Swiftleaf is wonderful. I love it. (Also, Thornblaze totally adopted all of the Commoner apprentices.) Only Sootblaze would do that and I just had to include it. Don't worry, he did take a nap. Ravenflight will definitely throw hands with a ten-year-old and have no qualms about it. I will forever be grateful for changing Whiteshadow's character at the last minute. (Fun fact: he was originally supposed to be the "big bad" of the story and before super… Well, I guess the best comparison to his original character would probably be Lux, except Whiteshadow would also be great at fighting. Super smart and super strong, a deadly combo… But, I changed him, and here we are. He is best dad and best uncle all around.) Sootblaze is def proud of himself. Leafstar and him just chill on a daily basis and Darkblaze is so confused because she is so different from Wildfire. I like how you just refer to him as Nightstone the little gremlin. Hilarious. Yes, it is Hawkpaw- and yes, your little stories of him inspired me to make him like that XD. I don't think he was a fan-submitted character, so you're safe. An all original. (He was originally just meant to be kinda quiet, kinda shy. But your reviews are hilarious, so I just had to.) It wasn't even training, he legit just wanted to tackle her into a tree to call it even and it never works. Sorry Copperpaw, you gotta be Hawkpaw's nemesis XD I don't make the rules. (Oh wait, I do. Welp.) Roseberry is the god of this universe and she's always a second away from just Thanos snapping everyone into oblivion because they annoy her lol. Drippingpaw is too adorable to hate and Windpaw hates that she can't hate her XD. I only feel bad for Fernclaw and that situation because she's stuck with her abusive ex-mates other child and forced to train her. Not so fun. But again, Drippingpaw is too adorable to hate, so even Fernclaw has a soft spot for her. Okay, that part with Cloverpaw just drinking the water away LOL… How do you come up with this stuff? Whiteshadow would totally hire you. You're the boss of Stormclan now, congratulations. Whenever you mentioned that little rematch between them, I had to keep myself from putting spoilers. But yes. A rematch. Probably not in the way you want it to XD. Whoops. Ayy, you listen to Reinaeiry? I love her music, and yes that does incredibly fit Wind/Rain. Wonderful songs all around. (Also, for Berry and Hawk- what the hell did I just watch? Lol.) I would totally read that AU haha. Never fear, Emberpaw is probably messing with somebody as we speak. No biggie. Just focus on the good things, what do you mean Cloudstar wants Rainpaw to kill Flarepaw? It's not real.
KyubiMaster9- Muahahaha. I'm an evil god XD. Yep, those hashtags are great. Get them trending lol. Someone definitely needs to throw Cloudstar into the gorge as well. We should get a line of all the characters that need to be thrown into the gorge and let Whiteshadow go to town.
Thanks to everybody who reviewed and added this story as a favorite!
Let's get started!
…
Stormclan
…
"No."
Yes. Do it, you know they deserve it.
"This isn't up for debate, Rainpaw."
"No," her voice came out shakier, a hint of a growl rumbling deep within her throat, and it felt like her chest was caving in with the pressure. "No. I'm not going to… I can't…"
You can. You will.
It'll be so fun.
"Grand Royal," Rainpaw ignored the fact that her brother and her love were in the den as well, equally as horrified as she felt at the moment. Bluepaw looked as though he didn't know whether to hold her close to defend her or turn his sights to Cloudstar instead and give her the chance to run away, and Windpaw… Windpaw just appeared so incredibly sad. She didn't see either of their expressions, so focused on the one who was asking her to look into the abyss and willingly jump. "Please. Don't make me do this."
Cloudstar would not give her sympathy. She wondered if such emotions could exist in someone like him. Compassion was a weakness, wasn't it? Just another thing that others tried to take advantage of.
Her monster had taught her that much.
(It seemed like Cloudstar was no different.)
"Rogue," he drawled and she closed her eyes shut, lips pulling back in a silent snarl.
"Don't call me that."
"Have you forgotten our deal?" he brought one of his paws up casually, licking it and drawing it over his ear with all the nonchalance in the world. As though he didn't just order her to kill someone for him. "You do as I say, and you're welcome to remain here. Disagree, and… well. I'm sure you can figure it out yourself."
A slave with the title of Royal.
"Grand Royal," Windpaw spoke up this time, a dangerous tone to her voice. And where it would make Rainpaw excited, knowing her love would stand up for her, right now, it only made her more nervous. "We aren't going to allow this."
"Allow?" Cloudstar turned his eyes to her then and Rainpaw felt as though she could breathe a little easier with it gone. "My, I think you've all forgotten your place."
"No. We just haven't forgotten our code and fallen to the depths of vengeance."
"My word is law," the white-furred tom stood up and half of Rainpaw wanted to bolt out the room while the other wanted to leap forward and rip him to pieces. He wanted her to kill someone? Then he should volunteer to be the one on the receiving end of her claws. "Rogue, either do this one thing for me, and I'll consider our deal finished. I won't ask for anything again. But if you refuse, then all three of you will be regarded as enemies of this clan."
All three.
No. The entire reason for her dropping out of the running was to ensure Windpaw and Bluepaw's safety in the first place.
Don't you see? You're a danger to them. That's all you've ever been.
"What about the running for Grand Royal?"
"I'll find a new one," it was said so flippantly it could have been taken as a joke. Rainpaw didn't want to know if he'd actually risk the future of his clan all for one little thing like this. But looking at the unflinching dark blue gaze, the confident and determined posture, she wasn't too keen on testing to see if he was telling the truth.
And maybe Bluepaw and Windpaw were willing to risk it all, just for her.
Rainpaw was willing to do the same.
If I have to die to keep you two safe…
That's what I'll do.
(The monster rejoiced as the shackles she had placed upon it began to loosen, the light receding.
She jumped.)
"You want me to kill Flarepaw?" her voice was quiet, but it caught the attention of everyone else. Bluepaw and Windpaw had stood up from their place, vehement with their arguments, but she didn't hear any of them. And from the look on Cloudstar's face, he was completely ignoring them as well, eyeing her expectantly. "Then so be it."
"Rainpaw-"
"Is that all you needed from me, Grand Royal?" She ignored the look they sent her out of the corner of her eye, the dark blue gaze of her leader the same color of the disappearing sky as she fell deeper and deeper into the abyss. The desire to run, run far, run now welled up inside of her and she was convinced she was about to throw it all up if she didn't listen soon. It was ripping her apart and she didn't want to bother them with the mess.
"Yes," Cloudstar smiled, a wicked thing. "I'm glad you remember your place, Rainpaw."
Rainpaw. She hated how much it made her happy he said her name. Vile emotions gathered in her belly and she bowed her head before turning, half-expecting him to stop her, for anyone to stop her. She heard him speaking with the other two, but she didn't make sense of the words, walking on numb paws out of the den.
Just one more.
She'll be the last one.
Just one more, and afterward, I won't have to kill anyone else.
(Rainpaw knew it was only a lie.
It was never going to end.)
She could feel many eyes on her, and as she lifted her gaze, her clanmates were gathered around. They went from constantly lounging to huddling in groups, discussing battle plans with each other. Funnily enough, this was the most inclusive her clan had ever been with one another.
Ranks didn't matter when it came to revenge, apparently. Commoners were allowed to voice their thoughts, their opinions, and they were taken into consideration instead of tossed aside like useless pieces of dust or specks of blood from claws.
It would be beautiful if it wasn't so terrifying.
They were all looking at her. At least, it felt like that. Rainpaw didn't realize she wasn't breathing until the burning in her lungs registered in her mind, an inferno of anxiety and anticipation eating her alive and she had to run. She had to go.
She had to outrun this.
She's never been able to before, but maybe this time will be different. Maybe she'll be strong enough this time, fast enough, good enough. Maybe the recovery she managed to scrounge together, however small, will be enough for her.
She knows it won't.
So, Rainpaw does the one thing she knows how to do.
She runs.
Right to the camp entrance, barreling straight through it and ignoring the call of surprise from whoever she nearly ran into on the way out. It might have been her father, all she saw was a blur of blue and that was that but she had to leave. Where to? She had no idea.
It felt like before, with the monster and the thread fighting for dominance, pulling her in two entirely different directions. Away and home. The wild and Stormclan.
No, not Stormclan. Stormclan wasn't home, it was her prison. Cloudstar was the warden and he was the one who ordered her around and she couldn't refuse. Rainpaw couldn't refuse to go to the City and she couldn't refuse to kill Flarepaw now.
So useless, so weak.
It would be the easiest thing in the world to kill him instead. All of her problems would go away, right? She wouldn't have to worry about tearing herself apart just for the chance to remain where she can keep Bluepaw and Windpaw safe. She wouldn't have to worry about dying each time he spoke to her, asking her to jump over and over and over.
Every time she managed to reach the surface of the abyss, he was the one who dragged her back in, encouraging her to let go.
Flarepaw… Whiteshadow used to talk about her. Not extensively, but she was one of the ones he looked forward to seeing once they returned home. She was the one who kept him going. And now Rainpaw had to…
He would be so disappointed in her.
(A part of her didn't know why that mattered to her. His opinion shouldn't matter, nobody should matter to her!)
Would he stop her if he was there? She really hoped he did. The only one who understood what she would be like and knew how to control her was Whiteshadow.
She ran through the forest and the memories she had long since shoveled back from the grave and resurrected filtered through her vision and her scarred eye hurt with all the moving colors she tried so desperately to focus on and failed. Rainpaw closed her eyes to run before deciding quickly that probably wasn't smart as she nearly ran into a trunk, just barely avoiding it and rolling across the ground to one of the roots and-
And this could have been the place that Haze died. He had been leaning against one of the trees, bleeding from many many many wounds and, and, and…
She was crying, she was crying and-
"Why are you crying for me, raindrop? I took… everything from you that night… I'm not a good cat by any means. Tell me, why waste tears on a tom like me?"
"...I don't know… I guess- I really am just a fool."
Haze exhaled raggedly, frowning slightly before turning his gaze back to her. His light amber eyes were so warm, so soft. She didn't deserve that look.
"Do you… remember our code?"
"Only the strongest can live," she mumbled to herself, staring at the roots beneath her, imagining herself in his place. If she lifted her eyes, she swore she could see a smaller version of herself. Rainkit, but not Rainkit. The Rainkit who already lost herself to the bloodshed, who found her way into oblivion. She felt so bad for her. "Only the selfish can survive."
"It's time for you to be selfish, raindrop."
She didn't want to anymore. She was tired of being selfish, she was tired of surviving. Every day was a battle and every enemy was new but the same, the faces bled together. So did the names.
Umbra was Twist, Sora was Blink. Their names didn't matter. The way she killed them shouldn't matter.
All that mattered was that they died and she didn't and she won and they lost.
And she was still here.
Falling, falling, falling.
Rainkit… It's time for you to go.
You don't belong here.
You can't survive.
Rainkit wasn't selfish enough. She wasn't strong enough. She wasn't enough and her being here only made her job harder. Her job, her job- she had to kill Flarepaw. She had to kill someone again, and all of these conflicting emotions were making it impossible.
(The Rainkit across from her frowned, and within one blink to the next, it was the youngest version of herself. So naive, so innocent. So pure.
She was sad. Crying. She wanted to stay.
Who would lick away her tears, she wondered. If someone didn't do it, then they were going to stain.
Rainpaw didn't have the strength to stand up… but maybe, someone would.)
"Rainpaw?" Her gaze was drawn slightly off to the side, over the little kit's shoulder, to where Windpaw appeared. (Rainkit smiled before vanishing.) Copper eyes were equal parts relieved and devastated before she began making her way closer, anguish marring her features at seeing her and Rainpaw wondered what she looked like now, curled up at the roots of a tree. She blew out a heavy breath and approached and the blue-furred she-cat didn't know why she hastily pushed herself up, pressing her back into the tree.
Windpaw, noticing her recoiling, paused a distance away and took in a deep breath, stepping back once, and sitting down. That hurt but it was also so relieving at the same time. Conflicting emotions all around. All these parts of her were going to tear her apart and she had no idea who was going to remain in the aftermath.
For a while, neither of them said anything. Rainpaw tried to keep her eyes downturned, away, punishing herself for something she didn't know of anymore by not allowing herself to look at her love. But temptation was too great and she was much too weak to deny herself for long, always turning back to her.
And each and every time, Windpaw was there, so lovely and without fear. Her expression was unreadable but so detailed at the same time and Rainpaw felt as though she knew everything about her while simultaneously having no idea what was going on in her head. She saw a stranger and her love, a nobody and her everything.
It scared her. She was fine with forgetting herself, forgetting who she was, but forgetting Windpaw? She didn't want that to happen.
"Rainpaw," her voice was soft. Gentle and pleading and pained and Rainpaw wanted to apologize for being such a complicated mess. Windpaw didn't deserve this. "Talk to me. Please. What can I do? Tell me how to help."
Help. She didn't need help. She didn't deserve it. Nobody ever helped the ones she killed, so why should the monster get help and not the victim?
Can you hear me, innocents? Your executioner still lives.
Does it make a difference to you that I'm sorry?
"I don't know. I can't-" Rainpaw tried and failed to speak, emotions and curses and pleas choked her and she gritted her teeth together to hang onto them. She gave a sharp shake of her head, which made the pain in her head return and she wondered if she did it enough times, will it make her pass out?
She couldn't accept help. She couldn't accept forgiveness because she hadn't forgiven herself and neither had the ghosts on her shoulders or the blood on her paws.
But damn did she want to ask for it.
She's done it before, with Bluepaw, but it must have been a fluke. A once in a lifetime opportunity gone to waste because she was too cowardly to go into specifics.
Just one more time, one more death, one more kill. It won't hurt, will it?
(It's going to be the final cut for you and you know that.)
(She was afraid of bleeding out.)
"Can I come closer?" Windpaw asked and Rainpaw didn't know why such an innocent question made her angry.
"You're scared of me," it was about time she admitted it. A lie, that's all everything has been. A sweet, lovely lie that Rainpaw wanted to believe in so badly, but that wasn't her reality. Nobody could love a monster.
"I'm not," Windpaw gave a small shake of her head. More lies. "Why would I be?"
"Why?" She couldn't quite catch her incredulous laugh and it unnerved her how hysterical she was starting to feel. She wanted to keep running, but the tree's roots were caging her in and she didn't have the strength to get back up. Trapped, that's all she ever is. "Why? Because when Cloudstar wants somebody dead, he comes to me- don't you ever wonder why?"
Windpaw opened her mouth to respond, but the words ripped free from her and now there was a hole Rainpaw couldn't patch up quick enough. The curses, the pleas, the emotions were spilling free, and it would only get messier.
"What don't you understand by now? I'm a monster, Windpaw; they've made me into a monster and there's nothing I can do to correct that because everyone keeps telling me to do it all over again. And I can't talk to you because- because I'm selfish and I can't lose you and I'm just so sorry this is who you get from me."
"And when are you going to understand that there isn't anything anyone can do, including you, that will make me stop loving you?" Windpaw stood up, ferocity in her voice as well, and Rainpaw wanted to run and hide while the larger part of her wanted to stay and fight.
"No. No, you don't love me," her smile was full of fangs and regret and shame, a humorless laugh escaping her. "Not me."
"Rainpaw-"
"No, you love Rainkit. Not me," her next laugh was watery and she harshly blinked away the tears. Because that was the truth. No wonder why those words always felt like a lie, they weren't actually being said to her. Only a version of her that had no right to be here anymore. "You love the one who I used to be and who I can never truly be again."
Windpaw flinched at her words, eyes widening, and the heartbreak on her face reflected the one Rainpaw was feeling. So in sync, they were.
She was doing it again. She was trying to push the one good thing in her life away because being alone was easier than accepting forgiveness.
If she was alone, she didn't have to worry about one day accidentally (purposefully) hurting anybody else.
"Maybe it's best that Rainkit is gone and can never come back," her eyes turned to where she saw her last and back again, scoffing. "She can't survive in this world. Not with what's here, not with what's coming. Not with everything I've done… I just feel sorry for you because you get the worst end of the bargain and I'm practically stringing you along at this point with the empty promise that she can come back."
It scared her just how she knew the perfect things to say to hurt Windpaw.
Windpaw really shouldn't make herself so vulnerable. (Rainpaw really shouldn't love her for it.)
"You know," Windpaw took in a sharp breath, her own smile full of fangs and pain and heartbreak. "It's really insulting that you doubt me so much."
"Am I wrong?" Rainpaw asked, internally begging please, please tell me I'm wrong.
She didn't know how Windpaw heard her plea.
"Yeah, yeah- you're wrong," the Grand Royal apprentice began walking up to her and Rainpaw felt her fur bristle in response, the determined and fierce pace of her love making her feel as though she had to prepare herself for a physical altercation. She was already backed into a corner, the roots caging her in, and there was no escape from her. From the truth. (From forgiveness, from love.) "You keep saying that there are all these different versions of you, but you know what I see? I just see you, and that's who I love. No matter what you do or how you see yourself, I am always going to love you- and yeah. Maybe… maybe you've ruined me. Because I know for a fact that I am never going to love anybody the way that I love you."
"How can you see me- How can you know me when I don't even know who I am!?"
Help me, help me, please. The words didn't want to leave no matter how much they prepared themselves to spring into the open air like before. It felt like she was burning alive and she had no idea who or what would rise from the ashes.
"You're my soulmate," Windpaw spoke in a quieter voice, losing some of her ferocity, the tenderness Rainpaw knew her for revealing itself once more. And perhaps that's the reason why she loved her most. Because Windpaw was the epitome of everything Rainpaw was taught not to be. She was selfless, she was care, she was love.
Only the strongest can live. Only the selfish can survive.
And yet… Windpaw had never truly been the selfish one. It was always about everyone else, always about Rainpaw, always about her parents. She never let herself come first because what made Windpaw happy was making others happy.
The only thing she was selfish enough to ask for was Rainpaw's love in return.
"That's more than enough for me," Windpaw finished, completing her journey to her, close enough that the scent of lavender and a warm night breeze curled around Rainpaw in a comforting embrace and she felt safe enough to break. The beast, the pain, the hurt, all of it was allowed to roam free, true, but so was the fear, the sorrow, the helplessness.
"I don't- I don't want to be a monster," Rainpaw finally- finally finally finally- managed to get the words out and the truth was scalding. She was crying, half-aware of it, and her ruined vision only became that much more destroyed. "I don't want to kill her, I don't want to kill anyone."
"Can I hold you?" Windpaw asked quietly and there was still a part of her that recoiled at the thought.
You don't deserve forgiveness, you don't deserve this love, you-
"Please," she whimpered and couldn't move, despite how much she wanted to. It was torture of the most miserable kind, to want something- to want someone so badly and not letting herself take. She had been selfish her whole life and she suddenly forgot how to be now. "Please."
Her love, so unafraid and so brave, pressed closer to her, pulling her into an actual embrace. Rainpaw buried her face against her, trying to hide from this world, the looming task over her shoulders, the lingering desire to drop everything and just run away, run far. (She wondered if Windpaw would join her. If she would abandon everything she's worked for here just to be with her.)
"I don't know what to do," Rainpaw wanted answers, so desperately she wanted them. If only the world or her ancestors could just give them to her for once. (At this point, her ancestors probably weren't watching over her anymore. Why bother protecting a nonbeliever? Someone who has committed so many atrocities? She didn't deserve forgiveness and she didn't deserve salvation.) "I have to do this, if I don't…"
If she didn't, then Cloudstar would truly imprison her. Death would be a mercy, one that he wouldn't give her.
If that was the case, she would have been okay with it.
But now that Windpaw and Bluepaw had spoken out against him, they were in danger as well. Her actions would directly affect them and she had little doubt that he would make them suffer and make her watch it all.
If she wasn't already insane, that would surely drive her to it.
She would fight Flarepaw and the only way she could return would be if she won or if she lost. If she won, she would have killed the Blazeclan she-cat. If she lost, it would only be her body returning. Cloudstar would not accept any other form of failure; retreat was not an option.
"We'll figure it out," Windpaw murmured reassuringly, her muzzle pressed to the top of her head, breathing her in. "We'll figure it out, I swear."
How?
"If it truly comes down to it," her love continued, and though the next words should scare her, they only brought her the first semblance of peace she had since leaving camp. "Then I'll be the one to do it. You don't have to."
Huh. Would that make things better or worse? She didn't know how to feel knowing Windpaw would kill someone just so she wouldn't have to.
Why does it always end in death with you?
She peeked over her shoulder and loathed to see Rainkit still there. Not gone as she told her to be. It would only be a matter of time before she was gone too, her and Windpaw both.
One day soon, Rainpaw would be alone and that would be for the best.
But for now?
For now, she savored in the touch of her love for as long as she was able to…
Before everything inevitably went up in flames.
…
Blazeclan
…
Five days since the whole fiasco started and Flarepaw was growing increasingly paranoid as time went on.
Aside from not being able to find any proof that this was Wildfire's doing- as well as not being able to confront him because he was quite busy rallying the troops and keeping the anticipation ripe for the picking- she was stuck training even more with the other High Ranks and it hardly left her any time with the Commoners. She made time, of course, but she could only spare a few minutes at most.
One such few minutes was spent stopping by where the Commoners were training and giving a couple of quick pointers before inevitably having to be torn away to her own duties once more.
"Isn't this… Isn't this considered breaking rank, Flarepaw?" Swiftleaf had asked nervously and it made her want to laugh.
"Are you going to tell anyone?"
"No, I'm just worried someone would find out and you'll get in trouble."
It was sweet, just how worried they seemed about her as well.
Feathersong would all but force her to settle down right beside her, curling around the kits, whenever she stopped by. Flarepaw could never truly say no to her, and she was grateful for the scant few seconds she could afford to close her eyes and savor in the warmth of the nest and the comforting squirming of Thornkit and Lilykit. Sometimes she would just watch them tumbling over each other, crawling on her a few times curiously.
And it wasn't just the Queen. Swiftleaf and Brightstreak would often pester her if she has eaten whenever they happen to pass by her, scolding if the answer was no and carefully inspecting her to make sure she wasn't lying. She never was, she saw no reason to lie to them. Owlpelt would invite himself on her walk to her training grounds; sometimes talking peacefully and others just pointing out things to listen to in nature. Ravenflight as well, to her surprise, would ask her if she was getting enough rest and then all but order her to her den if she had to think about the answer for too long.
Once, she had stumbled into her den, exhausted and drained from training and from stress, to catch Sootblaze adding some softer moss and feathers to her nest. He held her while she drifted off to sleep, and though he was gone by the time she woke up, she had never felt more rested than ever before.
It was nice. Where the circumstances of their situation were incredibly horrible, these little things were rather nice and Flarepaw honestly didn't know how she used to survive without them. Without a group that cared for each other the same way the Commoners cared. Without a tight-knit family.
She didn't know if she could truly say she belonged with them quite yet, but this was a start- and stars, what a start it was.
She just wished the circumstances could have been nicer.
Keeping track of her brother was made a bit easier as well once she revealed to the Commoners how worried she was for him. She wouldn't exactly say they were spying on him for her, but they did happen to keep an eye out, and it comforted her knowing Sagepaw was getting the same kind of care that she was. (Neither of them has truly had this before. A close family.)
And the one who was the most constant in her life was Whiteshadow.
"You know, if you keep pacing, you're going to start a fire."
"Fire jokes are rather insensitive, Whiteshadow." Regardless of her words, she couldn't help but snort as she shot a look in his direction. Though she was supposed to be having another one-on-one sparring session with him, the tom, noticing her anxiousness, had just given her time instead to do whatever she wanted. Whether that be to sit in silence or rant to him again, but in her case, she decided to pace.
"Damn, you're right. My bad," he chuckled, lounging in a position that looked rather uncomfortable at the roots of a tree. She wondered if it would hurt his back once he stood up. "Anywho, I said what I said. Can you just sit down for a moment?"
"How can you be so calm after everything?"
"I think it's because I've dealt with so much stress in my life, it doesn't really affect me anymore," he snickered from his place, lazily licking at his paws and drawing them over his pelt, scratching at his ears. "I've grown desensitized."
"I wouldn't call that a good thing."
"I never said it was. Now, sit, little one," Whiteshadow yawned before pushing himself to a sitting position as well, grimacing and shifting himself to a more comfortable place. His tail curled around his paws and he gave her an imploring look. "Come on."
"Sitting won't exactly solve my problems," Flarepaw sighed before relenting, already feeling the itch returning, and she shuffled the weight on her paws, curling and uncurling her tail around her body and letting it flick against the ground. The sun was incredibly warm overhead and the last layers of snow had melted the day before.
Where it should have been comforting, it only served to make everyone even antsier.
The thaw had begun and soon, the fight would begin.
"Worrying about it won't solve them either," he countered easily, "Look, we've prepared as well as we're able to. Any day now, it's going to start and we're as ready as we'll ever be."
"More like any minute now," she grumbled, ears falling flat, her eyes turning in the general direction of the rivers dividing the two clans. The only thing keeping them separated. "Have you seen the border recently? The waters are beginning to slow and it won't be long before someone is brave enough to cross."
"Waiting always has been the worst part of anything," Whiteshadow huffed, following her gaze and taking in a slow breath to keep himself calm as well. "We know Forestclan will help as best as they can; whether it be with herbs or limiting the number of casualties. Grand Royal Leafstar even said she'll try talking Cloudstar out of it."
"How can she even get there?"
"Let's just say she can jump really far."
"I doubt even someone from Forestclan can leap across an entire river, Whiteshadow," Flarepaw couldn't help but chuckle and the tom smiled to himself.
"Not the river, but the branches that stretch above it," light blue eyes trailed up toward the sky as he murmured to himself as if repeating from the dredges of his memory, "There is always a way across." He cleared his throat and took in another breath before shrugging once more. (She was starting to feel like that was a coping mechanism for him of sorts, to act as casual about everything as possible.) "Although, considering we haven't heard any news, I take it she wasn't successful."
"Or maybe Cloudstar has imprisoned her."
"You're just a ray of sunshine today, aren't ya?" Whiteshadow let out a bark of laughter before scooting closer to her, bumping their shoulders together, leaning some of his weight onto her, and sighing. "Nah, she'd never go down that easily. If anything, I'd be more concerned for all of Stormclan than her. She's a force of nature who only needs a few seconds to figure out a way to demolish you."
"That does comfort me a bit knowing someone like her is on our side," Flarepaw sighed, letting her head rest against his shoulder and closing her eyes. She never got to personally have a conversation with Leafstar, but with the way Whiteshadow talked about her, it was hard not to trust someone she never even met. Which was surprising to her. "Has anyone ever beaten her before?"
"Willowflame. Only once, I believe- unless you count draws as a defeat on both sides."
"Wait, why would Blazeclan fight Forestclan?"
"Oh, not like that," Whiteshadow shook his head quickly, snorting. "There would be times where your mother somehow managed to wrangle all the Grand Royals and top Royals into friendly sparring matches during the Gatherings. Those were quite fun. It would be a tournament style and it would always somehow come down to the two of them no matter how much everybody tried. The leader-tactician and the untouchable warrior. Match of the century. Usually ended in draws, but most often Leafstar would win. Your mother beat her once."
Once. That was incredibly surprising to hear. Everyone always aimed for Whiteshadow in her clan, and if they somehow managed to beat him, then Willowflame would be the next one to beat on their quest as the best warrior of Blazeclan.
And to hear that her mother, arguably the best of the best, had only ever defeated Leafstar once…
It made Flarepaw wonder how she fared in all of that. She already beat Whiteshadow, but had she grown strong enough to defeat her own mother if she had been around?
What did Willowflame use to fight for?
For her family? Her clan? Wildfire? Or herself?
Who was the one she found her strength in?
If she was in Flarepaw's position, would Willowflame be as stretched thin as she felt right now? Would she be running herself ragged trying to think about ways to save everybody else, or would she be comfortable knowing that she was strong enough to defend them all? Would she even be worrying herself over the Commoners, or would she only focus on her family?
"I have a favor to ask you," Flarepaw found herself murmuring after a heavy moment of silence, her gaze distant as her mind took her down the inevitable spiral of thoughts and concerns once more. Her body remained perfectly still, a contrast to her earlier spastic twitchiness, but it was her mind's turn to jump around nervously.
"If you're going to ask me to defend someone else other than you, I'm going to say no."
"Whiteshadow," she turned to better face him and he was already shaking his head.
"Nope. I may be trying to brush it all aside, but I know as well as everybody else that we don't have enough herbs to save someone who is critically wounded, and I'm sorry but you're my top priority."
"I can take care of myself."
"Shouldn't mean you have to do it alone. Isn't that what Wildfire wants?"
"Yes, I'm aware he wants to isolate me, but-"
"No buts."
"Will you let me finish?" she wrinkled her nose and he scowled in return.
"No. Because you know what I'm hearing? This is martyr talk and it feels like a goodbye; and news flash, Flarepaw, I'm not good at goodbyes," there was an intensity in his voice that made her soften, the flash of fear in his pale eyes. He turned to better face her as well, his tail stretching in the space between them and she made sure to twine it with hers as a mote of comfort. "Please, don't say goodbye."
"I'm not saying goodbye," Flarepaw let out a quiet laugh, tense and tight and she couldn't quite deny that she was getting choked up. "You're stuck with me for a while yet, you know? There's still so much story left. We have a war to fight, and your family issues to solve, remember?"
"As if your family issues aren't enough?" Whiteshadow blinked quickly, turning his head away and wiping his head against his shoulder as if drying off tears that he didn't want to show. Flarepaw pretended not to notice. "I just have this terrible feeling that something is going to go wrong."
"I do too. Which is why I am asking a favor."
"No."
"Just hear me out?"
"As long as it's not a goodbye."
"It won't be," she shuffled closer to him, leaning across the space and resting her forehead against his shoulder. He leaned forward as well to do the same to her, nuzzling into her and taking in a deep breath. She wondered if her scent of wild roses comforted him as much as his of petrichor and fog and something she could never quite place (like stone, but not quite something found in nature). "During the battle, I need you to keep an eye on the Commoners."
"I was already going to."
"I meant to stay with them," she murmured, elaborating. "Wherever the main fight is, I'm sure they're going to be ordered to be by the largest border. If they're scattered, I will find them and send them there. Sagepaw, too."
"...So, this is a goodbye in a way."
"It's not," she pulled back to meet his eyes, ears flattened. "I'm quick and not many can touch me. I'm quite good at dodging. I won't stay long anywhere else, just enough to send them to the main area."
"And what if you get caught up?" Whiteshadow frowned at her, eyes narrowing slightly. "Stormclan won't care for your personal mission to keep everyone safe from your father."
"I won't. If it comes down to it, I have no qualms with having to retreat," Flarepaw said assuredly, zero doubt in her face or her expression. "I care about them, not about my reputation."
"How can I keep you safe if I'm not right behind you?" he didn't seem to like her proposition at all, shaking his head, grimacing. "How can we fight together if we're not together?"
"It's only temporary- and that's if everyone is scattered. If they're all together at the start, then there's nothing to worry about."
"When have things ever gone our way before?" He let out a harsh laugh that held no trace of humor. It was Whiteshadow's turn to look rather antsy, his tail twitching against the ground and his paws pressing deep grooves into the mud beneath him. No more snow, only earth. Within days, things would start budding anew and the leaves and greenery would return.
She hoped everyone would live long enough to actually see it.
"Never. But we always know how to work in a crisis," she acquiesced with a despondent shrug and wondered if his coping mechanism brushed off onto her by now. Maybe they were hanging out too much… "If everyone could just be in one place, then we can keep a better eye on them."
"What if we're going about this the wrong way?" Whiteshadow asked instead, his eyes turning off to the side with a frown as he paused before shaking his head. "What if it's smarter to keep an eye on Wildfire instead?"
"We don't know who's working for him," she scowled to herself. "It could be all the High Ranks. It could be a few. It could be none. The point is, just keeping an eye on him won't stop his little minions from working. Trust me, I've kept my focus on only him before and he still found a way to win."
The lingering, horrible thought of What if there's no way to beat him filtered in her mind and she had to force it out.
There was. There had to be.
She just had to catch him in the act, find a way to trip him up, make him sloppy.
He was adept at the waiting game, but in turn, he had taught her how to be as well.
All she needed to do was have everybody she wanted to protect together so Wildfire nor his minions could pick them off in the chaos. Her only enemy would be Stormclan and she wouldn't have to worry about someone sinking their claws into her back.
Five days was a long time and a short time to come up with a plan and she hated how training and overall stress and planning with the main group kept her from doing her own thing. (Some part of her wondered if that had been Wildfire's doing as well. Keeping her distracted with her duties while he worked in the shadows.)
(Stars, he really made her so paranoid. She wanted to know if some part of him could ever be ashamed of that.)
Five days was too long-
And too short.
It happened from one blink to the next. As Whiteshadow opened his mouth to respond to her, they both heard it.
A yowl. Echoing and loud and distant from where they were.
A signal.
A second joined. And then a third. Some sounded closer than others, clanmates wandering around picking up the call and making it reverberate around, and even from their place, the sound of rapid pawsteps entered her ears as one by one, Blazeclan raced their way to the border.
The flood had calmed.
And now it was time for the inferno to begin.
(She has always been scared of fire. Fire always took everyone away from her.)
Silver found light blue, the two simply staring at each other for a second, two, three. There were so many things she wanted to say to him all at once and she hated, hated, hated how one of them was goodbye.
She bit it back down, wincing at the taste of her own blood against her tongue, and Flarepaw gave a tight smile to him as she pushed herself to her paws. It was funny. She wasn't even in the battle yet and her heart was racing quickly with adrenaline.
"Promise me?" She had to ask and Whiteshadow gave a defeated sigh at that. She almost felt like apologizing for putting him in that position. She understood. Flarepaw wanted nothing more than to stay right by his side, but she had to keep everyone safe and the one she could count on to do that- other than herself- was the white-furred tom before her.
"Fine. I promise," he said after a moment, and she gave a grateful nod.
As soon as she turned to lead the way toward the border, intimately knowing of its direction already, a touch at her shoulder made her turn and he pulled her into a fierce, desperate embrace. It nearly knocked the wind out of her but she returned it just as easily. Breathing him in, wishing and hoping and praying that he would get to see him afterward.
"You promise me," he whispered to the top of her head, and some part of her was wailing at them to get going already because they were taking too long. "Promise me you'll be okay. You promise you'll come back to me, Flarepaw."
"I promise," she whispered against his chest, pulling back to meet his eyes and adding in a stern voice, "I always keep my promises."
He took in a sharp inhale and for just a moment, a flash of a second, it looked like he had seen a ghost. Like his memories dragged him to a particular moment in time he didn't want them to and she wanted to apologize for that as well.
"Let's go," she said and took a step, waiting for him to shake himself out of that sudden stupor. A serious expression crossed his features and he gave a nod of his head, urging her to lead the way.
The yowls were becoming more consistent now, a perfect beacon for her.
Leaf-bare is over.
And the battle begins.
…
A/N: I know this one is a teensy bit shorter than usual, but I felt like it was necessary for the lead-up to the actual fight. Which will start soon enough :). We got some pain ahead of us fellas, make sure you're hanging on tight, or else you'll get thrown off this ride. We're going into a free fall, hooray!
…
Question of the Day
(Question submitted by The Unnamed Guest. Thanks for the help!)
If you could change one event that happened in the story thus far, what would it be?
(I would answer how that small- or big- change would have affected the story. I'm curious as well.)
…
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~Wolfcreations21