Warning: This little bonus chapter contains a spoiler alert for anyone who has not yet watched the latest Death Battle.
You've been warned.
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A lot can happen during the twelve plus hours between legs on The Ridonculous Race. That includes two competitors, Death Battle hosts Wiz and Boomstick, being called to host another episode. They do have to fulfill their commitment to the show, after all.
Only this time, one of their current TRR opponents was one of the combatants, so he had to travel with them. It was quite the shock, which quickly became delight, to Alucard when he was told he would have to travel with the DB hosts: his long-awaited match with DIO from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure was finally upon him.
The moment the three left was an interesting one. They had departed the designated in-between leg area together, with the rest of their fellow TRR competitors watching them.
"Are you sure you can't tell us who will win this one?" Johnny asked. "You guys already know."
"Yeah, but we're under contract to keep every result under complete secrecy until we've returned," Wiz told him. "You already know this, you've been in one before."
"Yeah, and I still don't get why Falcon beat me. I mean, just look at me. I'm the real deal."
Boomstick patted him on the back. "You'll get over it eventually. Most do."
"Most?" Yusei asked.
"There's a few who remain salty to this day," Wiz admitted.
"Bayonetta?"
"Bayonetta."
"Can we go?" Alucard asked. "I want to finally put that ridiculous vampire pretty boy in his place."
Natsu nodded and smirked. "Good luck, Al. I know I'm rooting for you."
Dean rolled his eyes. "I'm not."
The DB hosts' pocket portal was opened, and the two walked through. Before Alucard could follow them, he was stopped by someone tapping his shoulder.
Seras.
"Kick his butt, master. Hellsing style."
For once, Alucard gave a genuine smile. He knew he was hard on his protege most of the time, but it made him happy to know she believed in him.
"Ain't no other way," he said with confidence.
Without another word, he turned back and stepped through the portal, ready to taste victory.
(Later that day…)
Most of the competitors were lounging around, bored out of their minds. Well, except Seras. She was pacing back and forth, too anxious to do much else.
"I can't believe you are zis worried. You know Alucard, he'll likely turn DIO into dust."
'You're not helping, Pip.'
"Hey, just trying to help here. Besides, you seemed like you believed he would win earlier."
'But that was earlier. He's taken a long time.'
"Fair point."
Seras sighed and went back to pacing the floor. However, her wait was just about to end. Five seconds later, the portal reopened, and Wiz and Boomstick walked out, both looking pleased with themselves.
"Man, you guys should've seen it," Boomstick cheered. "Just as bloody and glorious as I imagined a battle between anime vampires would be. Not to mention I got a Stand out of it."
Marie raised her eyebrows. "Wait, YOU got a Stand?"
"Yep. You guys can't see him, because of the rules regarding Stands, but I call him '99 Bottles'. He can turn people into beer! Best Stand ever."
"Okay, but now I think we need to address the elephant in the room," Riko said. "Where's Alucard?"
Seras looked up. "I would like to know too. Did my master win? Where is he?"
The expressions on Wiz and Boomstick's faces quickly fell, as they went from jubilant to guilt-ridden in just a second.
Their silence worried Seras. "Well? Where is my master?"
Wiz rubbed his neck. "Well…"
"'Well' what? He didn't...lose?"
All of a sudden, the rest of the competitors were coming to the same conclusion. Did Alucard, the No-Life King, actually lose Death Battle?
Boomstick looked at his teammate. "We have to show them."
"Yeah." Wiz turned his head to the portal. "Bring him in, guys!"
A couple of Death Battle interns came in through the portal, rolling in a stretcher covered in blood. And laying on that stretcher was…
"Alucard!" some of the competitors explained.
Sure enough, it was Alucard himself on that blood-soaked stretcher. While he seemed in one piece, he appeared to be unconscious.
"No way…," Murdoc muttered to himself.
"Master!" Seras exclaimed, rushing over to Alucard's side. She looked at Boomstick. "What happened to him?"
"Pretty simple. He went Level 0, then DIO ripped out his heart and crushed it, before pummeling him with a Stand Rush, at which point Alucard exploded into a blood rain."
"I think that's one of their show's more brutal deaths, if you ask me," Sam whispered to Dean.
2D looked in shock. "I don't know him well yet, but I thought he was a shooin to win that fight. How did that DIO guy even do it?"
"Just watch the video," Boomstick said. "You'll learn a thing or two."
Wiz explained, "After the fight ended, we went out to find every single piece of Alucard, which took forever."
"Being blown up into a shower of blood can do that," Boomstick added.
"Anyway, we then had to bring him back with some technology we borrowed," Wiz continued to explain. "Don't ask who we borrowed it from. We had to reform his heart and get it kicking, followed by reforming his body down to the last molecule. And considering how far that rain stretched, that took even longer than just finding all the blood."
"So yeah, it's almost done," Boomstick said. "He's still out though, and we didn't have any spare blood to wake him up. He likely wouldn't want mine, he would get drunk after just a drop."
Seras rolled her eyes. "Oh, let me," she said as she walked over to her bag. She stuck her hand in and pulled out a pouch of blood, then took it back to Alucard.
"Bottom's up, master," she said as she ripped the bag open and poured the contents into Alucard's mouth.
At first, nothing. Then, everyone caught a glimpse of Alucard's tongue licking the blood and lapping it up a little. He stirred and opened his eyes.
"Oh. Hello, Police Girl."
"Of all the ways I imagined your Death Battle going, the story I just heard was NOT one of them," Seras said as he helped him sit up.
"Yeah, I know," Alucard replied before muttering under his breath, "Sorry, Integra. I failed you."
"Yeah, sorry that fight turned out that way," Wiz said. "Trust me, we are. Especially with how long it took for us to resurrect you. You'll still be a little weak for a bit, but you'll be back in top form before next leg starts."
"And that's supposed to help us?" Dean asked. "He's a vampire-ow!" He rubbed his side after Sam elbowed him.
"The sooner, the better," Alucard seethed. "DIO just made a huge mistake, and I promise I'll do whatever it takes to make sure he pays a grievous price for my humiliation. Nobody makes a fool out of me and gets away with it."
Boomstick laughed. "I would love to see that."
"You two aren't out of the woods either. I don't know how you do your research for your little pop culture fights to the death, but you both must surely be morons if you actually believe DIO stood a chance. If I find out you rigged the fight somehow, the streets will be stained with your blood."
Once again, a threat from Alucard had completely chilled someone to the bone. "Noted," Boomstick said, he and WIz shaking with fear.
"Do you mind if I take the first crack at revenge?" Seras asked Alucard.
"Go for it."
"Excellent. Who has a phone I can borrow?"
One of the Death Battle interns handed her a cell phone, which she quickly dialed. The one on the other end of the line answered quickly.
"Hello? Chris? It's Seras from The Ridonculous Race….oh, you heard?... Anyway, can you get Deadpool on the line? I need a favor."
(Later…)
There couldn't have been a more smug vampire than DIO when he walked through the door of his hideout. After all, he had not only obliterated the No-Life King into nothing, but he had humiliated him in front of the entire multiverse. Yeah, he would have to be resurrected since he was competing on that one show, but that didn't matter. Today was a victory for DIO.
"He thought he would be the next Death Battle winner," he said to himself. "But it was I, D-"
*ding dong*
DIO sighed and walked over to the front door. "It had better not be another cookie seller," he grumbled.
He opened the door to reveal Seras and Deadpool, both of them with their arms crossed.
DIO immediately got concerned. "Wait, what are you doing here?"
"I'm only here because Seras wanted to bring me here," Deadpool admitted. "There's no way I would ever miss this."
"Miss what?"
His question was answered in the form of Seras kicking him so hard he was knocked across the room.
"Let me tell you something, DIO," she said. "I'd like to think I'm one of the nicer vampires around, unwilling to hurt a fly unless it's absolutely necessary. But when you go and do what you did to my master or anyone I care about, that's when I decide to let loose. I don't see myself as powerful as him, but I know how to deal a world of hurt. Isn't that right, Pip?"
"I can attest to zat firsthand."
This confused DIO. Who was the French guy talking just now?
"So how about I prove just how powerful I can be right now?" Seras said, her left arm morphing into shadowy energy.
DIO gave a sheepish laugh. "No need to get angry with me, Seras. After all, it's just Death Battle. We fight to survive, after all,"
"At this point, I don't give a damn. Also, this is only just me. Just wait until Alucard gets his hands on you. Deadpool, lock the door."
The mercenary locked the door behind him, and then watched as DIO received the beating of his life.
"Hell hath no greater fury than a vampire's scorn," Deadpool mused as DIO screamed.
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That felt amazing.
But seriously, I had been waiting two years for Death Battle to finally come out with DIO vs Alucard. When I first got the hint that it was on its way, I was thrilled. Then when it was revealed as the next fight after Macho Man vs Kool-Aid Man, I was ecstatic. The past two weeks seemed to take ages, and I was so happy when I finally turned on YouTube to watch my favorite anime character of all time finally get his shot at pop culture glory on one of my favorite internet shows.
But what did I see at the end of that video? Not happiness, that's for sure.
Now, not only did Alucard somehow lose, but I lost a couple bets and I owe people some money. So I decided to write this little bonus chapter for The Ridonculous Race to exact a little revenge. Not on Death Battle though, because I forgive them. No, my grudge is with DIO.
Mark my words, if I could make him a permanent butt monkey within the Kat-iverse, I would. But even I can't be that cruel. I will make him pay, though. And having Seras beat the snot out of him is a good start.
I know this likely wasn't the update you all wanted out of me after such a long wait, but at the very least, this little bonus shows I'm alive, well, and currently hating DIO.
I really do wish I would just take the time to screw my head on right and do my stories again. But as you can tell, I've burnt out. I hope it ends soon, because I really had fun writing these stories over the past few years. I don't want it to end just like that.
Hopefully, I can work this out and find the energy I need to write again.
Until then, TheMasterKat out. And remember, DIO deserves every bit of pain coming his way.