Empty, Hermione stared out through her bedroom window. The sun was shining and an icy cold wind was blowing; it was a perfect autumn day. Down outside the castle, a group of Gryffindor students strolled down the path to Hogsmeade, laughing. Ginny's red hair shone in the middle, surrounded by her best friends.

Sighing, Hermione turned around. Ginny had offered her more than once to come down to the village with her, but she refused each time. She did not belong. She would disrupt the group and spoil their fun. Of course, Ginny told her that was nonsense, but Hermione knew better.

It was not just that she was a year older than the others, or that she had not spent the previous six years together in the same classes. Surely that would have grown out over time.

She was Hermione Granger.

Ginny did not like to see it because they were close, but Hermione felt it all too clearly: this strange respect that the others had for her. The newspapers had gone to great lengths to portray her and Ron and Harry as war heroes. Hardly a day went by since the end of the war without her seeing her picture in the paper. This obviously made an impression on the others who hardly knew her.

They talked to her, that was not the problem. But either they were overly interested in making a lasting impression or they were more than reserved and could hardly look her in the eye. Even after several weeks, that did not change. It made any interaction that was not between her and Ginny exhausting.

She even enjoyed talking to Luna by now, although those conversations were often strange.

The longer she was here, the lonelier she felt. She had never really realised how much Ron and Harry were part of Hogwarts for her. Without her two best friends, the castle was simply empty. Even she could not study every spare minute, and the more she realised that she just did not belong here, the more she just felt empty.

Perhaps that was also the reason why she had involuntarily had to smile when she had run into Malfoy on the train. A familiar face that made her feel like she was about to start a normal school year. Even though they had always been enemies, it had given her courage to see him.

Shaking her head, she rose from the window sill and walked to her four-poster bed with slow steps. With a deep sigh, she let herself fall backwards onto it.

Over the summer holidays, an image of Draco Malfoy had formed in her head that obviously had nothing to do with reality. He was still just as condescending and hateful as before. In her imagination, she had created a Draco Malfoy who did not exist, and she had fallen a little bit in love with him.

But he did not exist.

Maybe she should have given Ron a chance after all. Thinking about it more, she rolled a curl around her finger. They had kissed so passionately after the battle. They shared a bed in the weeks after and had more sex than Hermione was willing to admit. But when Ron decided to start training as an Auror with Harry, Hermione realised that she could not imagine a future with him. As if he sensed her decision before she put it into words, Ron started to become more experimental in bed. More than before, he did everything to please her. But her decision was already made and so she broke his heart.

Perhaps her decision would have been different if she had not thought of Malfoy so often at that point. Perhaps she had been blinded by the grass always being greener on the other side of the fence. In reality, there was no grass on the other side at all.

And yet.

Yesterday, when he leaned over the table and she saw his muscular upper arms shining through his shirt, she felt hot again. How she wished she could just grab him by his tie, pull him to her and kiss him. To feel his strong arms wrapped around her.

Cursing, Hermione sat up in bed. Surely it was not right that her thoughts turned into dirty fantasies whenever she even thought the name Draco Malfoy. Especially since he made it more than clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.

"You don't have to pretend to any of us here."

Those icy words still stung. He did not believe her to be serious about polite conversation. He did not believe her that she changed his attitude towards him. That she was not Harry, judging him from the bottom up. Or maybe his own attitude had not changed and he still saw only the mudblood in her, even if he was no longer allowed to say so openly.

She ran both hands over her face several times. Gloomy thoughts would only drag her down more and there was nothing she could do about the status quo anyway. She was here at Hogwarts, she chose this path and she would finish it. As a first year, she had felt lonely and unwanted too. She would get through this now, just as she had gotten through it then.

oOoOoOo

Grumpily, Draco trotted along behind his two friends. They insisted on taking advantage of the first Hogsmeade weekend and spending their Sunday off in the village. Draco had fought it tooth and nail, but in the end their arguments had been superior.

He could not stay in the common room for the whole school year. It did no one any good if he hid from the other students. They would hate him no matter what he did, so he might as well ignore them and do what he enjoyed.

At the very least, he managed to convince Blaise and Theo that going to the Three Broomsticks was not a good idea. No matter how hard they tried to ignore the other students, the likelihood of having to listen to vapid conversations about him was too high for him. So, they headed determinedly towards the Hog's Head. Apart from Slytherin students, the most they could find there were a few rebellious Ravenclaws or sometimes a few Gryffindors who were egging each other on for a dare.

"You're putting me in a bad mood," Blaise suddenly complained.

Irritated, Draco stopped and looked up at him. "I'm here even though I don't want to be. Do I have to grin like an idiot now to keep you happy?"

"Now, don't go straight for each other's throats again!" Hastily, Theo stepped between them and put a hand over Blaise's mouth. "No one is being forced to do anything here, okay?"

Draco could see that Blaise was fighting the hand over his mouth, but Theo did not let up. "I won't take my hand away until you promise to behave!"

A brief scuffle ensued as Blaise tried to force the hand away. Then Theo suddenly cried out loudly and let go as quickly as if he had been burned.

"What on Merlin was that all about?" Theo hissed angrily, while Blaise just grinned at him for survival.

"You shouldn't have stopped me from talking!" Blaise countered with a laugh. "No one's stopping me from talking!"

"You're disgusting!" Theo protested and before Blaise could respond he stepped towards him again and was rubbing his palm over the latter's face.

"Theodore Nott!" Blaise shrieked in horror. "Now YOU are disgusting!"

"It's your own spit, isn't it? What do you want?"

Against his will, Draco had to laugh. His two best friends were acting like first years and he was sure that at least some of it was deliberately played to cheer him up. Still, he felt his spirits lift. Maybe they were right. Maybe he was taking himself and the whole situation here at Hogwarts too seriously. Maybe he should just try to make the best of it and enjoy what he could.

With two long strides, he reached his two best friends, who were still engaged in a friendly boxing match. Swinging, he slapped them both on the back of the head at the same time. "You are both behaving like toddlers. Get your act together or we won't make it to the Hog's Head today!"

As if on cue, they let go of each other and turned to face him. As if rehearsed, they simultaneously opened their mouths and stared at him.

"Did you hear that, Theo?" Blaise inquired with a tone of exaggerated surprise.

"Did he really just say he'd like to go to the Hog's Head?" asked Theo, sounding equally incredulously surprised.

"I wonder if he's alright?"

Groaning, Draco grabbed them both by the upper arms and tugged them along. "It's alright, you two comedians. I got it. Come on now."

Laughing, they both let him pull them along, but it did not escape Draco's notice that they were winking conspiratorially at each other. Sometimes he wondered if he was blessed or punished with such friends.