Hey guys! I'm back with this new chapter! I took the time to read the entire story and I changed a few things, but nothing major. I wanted it to be better for the people who were reading it for the first time. This chapter is a bit lighter, but I want to make this story as real as possible. Recovery is not easy, is not fast and is different for everyone. It's okay not to be okay, and it's okay to take time to heal.

If you need help, please don't hesitate to seek it. If you need to talk, you can always send my a PM.

Hope you'll enjoy this chapter and dive back in this story the way I did.

Chapter 36: Wow.

Spencer's POV

"Hey, girls" Aria greets us as soon as we are near enough to hear.

"So cute… Emily is wearing Spencer's sweater," Hanna squeaks in her usual annoying self.

"Don't you have anything else to do than to know all of our wardrobes by heart?" I tease her trying to get the focus off Emily who is blushing like crazy.

"Nah, not really," Hanna answers as she winks at me.

I poke my tongue out at her as we all walk to our lockers to grab our things for our first class. I know that Hanna is just trying to lighten up the mood, but I wish she wouldn't have brought up the sweater thing. It's like I'm walking on eggshells all the time and I hate to admit that it is really tiring.

"Earth to Spencer…?" Aria says jokingly.

"Hum? What? Sorry." I say, realising that they were talking and I had no clue about what.

"We just wanted to know if you were up for some shopping tonight." Hanna clarifies.

"Oh…" I simply say, looking toward Emily who's got her head down. "No, I'm sorry, not tonight".

I see Emily smile a little and I know I answered the right thing. I get it though, I never liked to shop with my arms all chopped up. Trying on clothes is unthinkable and holding bags is even worse. That goes without talking about bumping into strangers and not reaping their heads off because it's not their fault if your arms are sore.

"I actually wanted to spend an evening alone with Emily." I tell them, making my girlfriend smile even more.

"Alright, lovebirds, we get the message, we won't bother you," Hanna teases.

"First time you understand something from the start," I tease back.

The bell rings as Hanna is opening her mouth to come up with what is probably a snarky reply. I grab Emily's hand and drag her toward our classroom, but mostly away from Hanna.

"Sorry, no time," I scream behind my shoulder, keeping her from arguing. "See you later!"

Emily is giggling and it feels so good to hear that sound again. I have to fight against the urge to drag her to my car and take her somewhere where it would be just the two of us and where she can giggle all she wants. A place where the world wouldn't exist, where it would be just us. I sigh, dragging her to class instead.

…

We survived another day. It sounds silly saying it like that, but right now, every day counts. I drove Emily to my house, because I knew that we would be alone, which would not have been the case at her place with her mom. We are lying on my bed.

"How are you feeling?" I ask her for what must be the hundredth time in a short period of time.

"I'm okay, not fine, but okay," she admits as she intertwines our fingers, making me smile.

Her touch always gives me butterflies. And butterflies feel amazing right now because I feel so tired these days. I love Emily to death but taking care of her is taking a toll on me too.

"What about you?" she asks me, almost as if she is reading my mind.

"I'm okay," I simply answer, not wanting to admit the truth.

I never want her to feel like a burden to me. She is not and never will be. It's just hard because I feel like I was not even strong on my feet by myself before all that. And now I have to be strong for her too. I want to be. I won't ever fail her. It's too important. But it's so fucking hard. Something must have transpired in my face, because Emily moved closer to me, laying her body half on top of mine.

"Let's forget about everything for a while," she whispers as she brings her lips to mines.

She's right, I instantly forget everything and I get lost in the feel of her mouth. I respond to the kiss instantly. At first, I don't want to put too much into it, but my desire grows instantly when I feel her tongue poking out to meet my lips.

"Mmmmh" I moan out of surprise and lust.

I can feel her smile against my lips, proud of herself, but she gets serious again as I part my lips to let her explore my mouth. Our tongues play together for a while, and I can feel myself getting wet. I almost feel uncomfortable about getting aroused so easily, but I don't care, I'm too lost in Emily. I grab the back of her head with both hands and try to bring her closer to me, but I don't think it's really possible. She brings one hand to my cheek, trying to do the same.

"Mmmmh," it's her turn to moan.

With the hand that she put on my cheek, she could not support her weight as much and our body truly rests against one another. The feeling is amazing. Amazingly overwhelming. I feel like my head is spinning from the intensity of the kiss, and probably from the lack of air to my brain too. We have been together for a bit now, but we never had a make-out session like we are having now. We've always been too focused on keeping her together to do anything more than simply be there for each other. I slide one of my hands from the back of her head all the way down her back. I stop at her lower back even though I want to slide it down more. I don't dare caress her butt for now. She bucks against my hand, apparently turned on by the feeling.

I can't take it anymore, I need to be more in control. I flip us over, lying on her body instead. Emily is surprised by my action, but I can see so much lust in her eyes and it takes everything I have not to undress her right now and dive between her legs to make her orgasm until she can't stand on her shaking legs. I tentatively slide my hand from the pillow next to her head up her shoulder and then down to her breast. I'm not sure how she'll react. She bites her bottom lip and closes her eyes, obviously enjoying the feeling. I squeeze lightly, biting my lip too, unsure of what I'm doing. Emily opens back her eyes, she grabs my head with one hand, crashing our lips back together. She rests her other hand on top of mine and squeezes my hand, making me squeeze her breast harder.

I'm having trouble controlling myself at this point. Knowing that I understood the message, she lets go of my hand and slides hers down my body, grabbing my ass and bringing our bodies closer together.

"Fuck," I moan at the sudden feeling. "Em…?"

I'm not sure what I want to say. Keep going? Slow down? Are you sure? My thoughts are so confused right now.

"Please, I need you," Emily whispers as she looks me dead in the eyes.

I'm so confused. I'm scared that she doesn't know what she's saying. I'm scared that she doesn't want me, but only wants to feel something else than despair. I search her eyes trying to find some answers.

"What do you need, Emily?" I ask sweetly once I realise that I need verbal confirmation- I'm too scared of taking advantage of her.

"I… I want to feel closer to you,"

Well damn, that doesn't clarify shit. I lean down and resume kissing her. Not sure what else to do. I fucking want her too. I fucking need her too. I keep on squeezing her breast, and even though I really want to touch it without clothing, I fight hard against the urge to undress her. Emily lets go of my head and brings both of her hands to my ass, making me moan. I gather every ounce of restraint I have left and forces myself to roll away from her. I quickly sit up and grab her hands to make her sit up too.

"Em…! Stop!" I half scream, as she's about to kiss me again.

"Spence! Please" she begs.

"Wait…" I say as I put one hand on her torso, keeping her at a distance. "I really, really want to. I just need to be sure first."

Emily stops fighting once she realises how uncertain I am.

"Spence, what's going on?" she asks as she grabs my hand on her torso and holds it between both of her hands.

"I… I… I'm just…"

"It's okay, baby, you can talk to me," my girlfriend assures me.

"I really want you, Emily" I confess, my eyes filling with water.

"Why does it make you cry?" Emily asks hurriedly as she comes closer and engulfs me in a hug.

I can't hold the tears back in anymore and I start crying, holding on to her like my life depends on it.

"Shhh. It's okay, baby. I'm right here. I'm not leaving."

I only cry harder as I hear those words, my worst fear, leaving her lips. It takes quite a while for me to calm down. Emily never let go of me. She holds me until the tears stop.

"Talk to me now, Spencer" she asks as she leans away from me, wanting to see my face.

I look down, ashamed of myself.

"Hey… Don't look down," she says sweetly, forcing me to look back to her. "I need to understand what just happened."

"I'm so sor…" I start to say but stop myself as she shakes her head, not wanting me to apologize for having feelings. "I'm just so freaking turned on and it scares me, because I never want to pressure you into anything. I know that things aren't easy right now, and I don't want to take advantage of that." I admit, having so much difficulty not looking away from her.

"Spence, baby, I want YOU. I need YOU. I love YOU," Emily simply says and I'm at a lost for words. "Do you need me to tell you what I'm ready to do?"

I nod my head, not able to formulate words, still feeling so embarrassed. Emily smirks and I feel like I'm into a lot of trouble. She slowly, teasingly, takes off her shirt. I cannot look away from her amazing body and I feel my cheeks redden. She slides her hands behind her back and I cross my legs, trying to keep my arousal at bay as I know what she's about to do. It's funny how when I'm vulnerable Emily seems to be so confident all of a sudden. I want to look up in her eyes, but I can't look away from her bra, waiting for her to show me her breasts. She unclasps her bra and lets it slide down her body. I reach up to her boob but stop my movement in mid-air. I bring my hand back down and look into her eyes, realising that she never actually told me what she was ready for us to do.

"I love you," Emily chuckles out as she grabs my face in her hands. "I'm not ready to go all the way… But I would like to take off your shirt and see where things get us while we keep our pants on."

She slides her hands to the hem of my shirt and looks at me. I nod and raise my arms, allowing her to take it off. Never in a million years would I have thought that Emily would take the lead. I need to make sure that Hanna never knows that or I won't survive her teasing. The blonde leaves my thought instantly as Emily bends down and kisses the top of my breast. She unhooks my bra at the same time and I hurriedly take it off, wanting to feel her skin on mine. We seem to let our arousal take control at the same time. She grabs my head and I grab her waist, forcing our bodies together and resuming our make-out session. I feel her nipples hard against mines and I moan against her lips. I push her down on the bed again. This time I don't stop myself and finally bring my hand to her boob. I roll her nipple between my thumb and forefinger and she bucks against me. God it feels amazing!

Emily does the same to my breast and I can't take it anymore. I force my knee between her legs, but by the way she eagerly opens her legs I know that she was waiting for me to do that. We both moan as my knee connects with her clothed center. She instantly bends her leg, putting pressure on my pussy and I bite, maybe a bit harshly, her bottom lip.

"Fuck!" she moans loudly as she puts more pressure on my center, making me do the same to her.

It doesn't take long for us to grind against each other, kissing the other wherever and exploring our bodies for the first time with as much passion. My breathing is becoming really uneven and Emily's too. I figure she's as turned on as I am and as close as I am to orgasm. I rock harder against her. I try to control myself, wanting her to come first. She seems to want the same thing, so she sucks on my nipple for the first time, making me come undone.

"Fuck… FUCK… Emily!" I scream as I move faster against her and I close my eyes as the room spins around me.

"Baby…" Emily whispers, coming to the sound of my moans and the fact that I was grinding faster against her center.

I slowly stop my movement and lie completely on top of her, unable to hold my body up anymore. I realise just how sweaty we are but I don't care. I love the feeling of her hot body against mine.

"Wow…!" I breath out as she wraps her arms tightly around my mid-section.