Oh hey, a timely update, what's that?
This was one of the first ideas I had when daydreaming oneshots for the series, and I'm surprised it came up this early! Definitely took some weird twists I was not expecting, but that just makes me love it all the more. The crazier I can make this, and the more chaos for our lovely villains, the better. I've already got a good idea what the next two chapters will focus on :D Hope you guys like this one!
"I promise you, you're not gonna regret this," Archie said cheerfully as he pushed the door open.
The trouble was, he already did.
Maxie stood in the entryway, debating if there was still time to make a break for it.
It was what appeared to be a simple, uneventfully droll Tuesday afternoon two weeks after Cyrus had moved in. Giovanni was locked up in the office, scouring job listings, saving those he thought might be of interest to the others. Considering their qualifications, it was not an easy task.
Cyrus was busy heating up pizza rolls in the kitchen, willing the ancient orange microwave to work faster so he could flee to the safety of his white-walled room. Perhaps that could be what he brought to the table in this alliance, Cyrus mused. He could improve all their outdated electronics. With the microwave, there was no way to go but up, even if he smashed it to pieces.
Archie and Maxie sat on opposite ends of the couch per usual, enjoying the benefits of their shiny new modern-and-moderately-sized TV. Or they would've, if the two could've agreed on a channel. They took turns passing the remote back and forth, insulting the other's selections. From the kitchen, Cyrus glowered at them. Two minutes left on the pizza rolls.
"If you had any sense of taste-" Maxie was saying.
"I told you for the last time I am not watching Bachelor in Alola," Archie glared.
"That's not even on right now!" Maxie protested.
While the two squabbled, Cyrus made his escape. Mission success.
Maxie leaned back with a groan, almost wishing he was back in his volcanic hideout where no one ever questioned his program choices, because they didn't have a TV. Getting service was a real bitch in a potentially active volcano. And even if they had had a TV, it wasn't like Tabitha or Courtney were going to question his choices. Tabitha would've already known Maxie's preferences and had the TV on waiting for him whenever he returned from his business, because that was how Tabitha operated.
Maxie did wonder how Tabitha was getting on without him, but decided not to dwell on it.
Besides, he had to be doing well enough. Tabitha was paying a portion of Maxie's rent each month. The other portion went unpaid. Giovanni constantly ranted about it, but what was Maxie supposed to do? That was a problem for the subordinates he didn't have any more. Maxie only focused on things that mattered.
Like finding an appropriate show to watch. Archie had flipped the channel once more. They were down to their final options having surfed just about every channel, and both stared at the TV, seething.
Some sort of reality show was on, but not one Maxie recognized. A burly man sat in a chair with a Gallade hovering over him, the Pokemon tightly grasping a strange instrument.
Archie bolted upright, eyes glued to the screen.
"And what is this?" Maxie asked disdainfully.
"Poke Ink!" Archie's attention remained riveted to the screen, unmoving.
Maxie's face was a question mark.
"Dude! It's only like, the best competition show ever! Sixteen Pokemon compete to see which one gives the best tattoos to win 100,000 Poke!"
"Tattoos?" Maxie asked, flabbergasted. That explained what the Gallade was holding: a tattoo gun. Unfortunately, it explained little else.
Archie hopped off the couch, crawling closer to the TV enraptured. "Yeah. Those Pokemon are tattoo artists. I can't believe you've never heard of this." He laid on his stomach, resting his chin on his elbows.
Maxie knew exactly why he hadn't, and that was because he expected quality out of his programming. "Who in their right mind gets tattooed by a Pokemon?"
Archie shrugged, finally turning to look at him. "It's a free tattoo, plus you get to say you were on the show. Who wouldn't?"
The TV now showed a girl in another chair, being worked on by a Sandshrew. She looked quite frightened.
"Plenty of people," Maxie replied flatly.
Archie sat up. "Oh, come on. Like you wouldn't take a free tattoo if it was offered."
Maxie raised an eyebrow. "Not from a Pokemon, I wouldn't." He added with a sniff, "Besides, I don't have any tattoos."
Archie snorted. "Not surprising."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Maxie asked sharply, heated, color rising to his face.
"Just that you're predictable. Boring, snooty, an uptight prude." Archie met his gaze. "I bet you've never taken a risk in your life."
"How dare you," Maxie said haughtily, straightening up. "I tried to expand land mass! Land mass! Do you how hard that is? Do you know how dangerous that is? Our base was located in the very heart of the volcano we needed for our aspirations! But I wouldn't expect you to understand such things."
"Yeah, whatever," Archie said dismissively. "Keep telling yourself that."
Something inside Maxie snapped. He stood up, shutting off the TV. "Let's go, Archie."
"Go where?" Archie twisted around to look up at Maxie in confusion.
"A tattoo parlor."
And so, a bit of a lengthy walk into the center of downtown Goldenrod later, the twin terrors of Hoenn found themselves firmly in front of the city's premier tattoo shop.
All of Maxie's fury had been sapped out of him as he looked at the storefront sign that now seemed oddly threatening.
He could turn around right now, Maxie thought to himself. Turn around before they ever entered the building and never return.
Except, even with cold feet, he kind of couldn't. Archie was there, and he'd never let Maxie live it down.
Perhaps there was another way out. A tattoo was a bit of a costly investment. The only money Maxie had was what Tabitha had sent him yesterday. That was supposed to go toward rent. Giovanni would throw a fit.
"You know, Archie, we simply do not have the money for this-"
Archie barked a laugh in his face. Maxie's resolved strengthened, and he pushed the door open.
A heavily tattooed desk attendant greeted them with a raise of a pierced eyebrow.
Maxie instantly tensed. This was a terrible idea. They hadn't worn their usual disguises. Archie insisted it was fine, there wouldn't be too many who would see them in the shop, and otherwise they were in the busiest parts of the city on a busy workday afternoon. He'd promised they would blend, but now Maxie wasn't so sure.
He wasn't sure if he should make a break for it or dig his heels in. This strange individual obviously knew who he was. He kept looking Maxie up and down, a smirk playing on his lips.
"First time, huh?" the attendant said. He then turned his attention to Archie. "Welcome back, Adonis. "
So, Archie had been here before. More important than that, he had been here and used an alias. Maxie made a mental note and filed it away for later.
"Hey, man! This is my, uh, associate Maxi- Maxine," Archie fumbled. "And he is desperately, desperately in need of a life. Like seriously. Think you could hook him up for me?"
"Isn't that a chick's name?" Without further comment, Tattooed Man disappeared behind the curtain next to his desk.
Maxie fumed. Of course Archie would screw things up for him somehow. He should've known.
That was fine. Maxie would get back at him. While Archie slept, Maxie would paint the rest of the room red. Or better yet, he'd dump out all those buckets of water Archie was collecting on his side of the room. Maxie wasn't quite sure what they were for, but it had to be sinister.
"What're you getting?" Archie asked, pulling Maxie out of his reverie.
"Huh?"
"For the tattoo," Archie gestured.
The severity of the situation suddenly hit Maxie like a stampede of Tauros being chased by a Steelix. This was happening. Horror struck through him.
"Magma's logo might not be a bad idea for your first. I've got mine," Archie said. Then, as if realizing what he said had been nice and could be taken as weakness, he added, "I mean, Magma's logo is trash and it's obvious you tried to copy us, but we can't all be as awesome as I am."
Maxie was ushered behind the curtain before he even had a chance to reply, or swat Archie in the head for the remark. Magma copied Aqua? It was most definitely the other way around. Archie wouldn't know classy graphic design if a Smeargle tail-slapped him across the face.
Maxie paused. Maybe that would be how he got his revenge.
He was already enacting the greatest vengeance in history, Archie just didn't know it yet. But that revelation would come with time.
Maxie recognized the chair from the one he'd seen on TV earlier and instantly his blood went cold. This was madness.
Stiffly, he forced himself to sit down in it, cursing Archie for getting him into this mess, and himself for going along with it.
The artist entered the room. Maxie felt his mouth go dry.
He recognized the man.
Maxie struggled to get out of the seat, but it was already too late. The tattoo artist turned to face him.
It was Sidney of the Hoenn Elite Four, the Dark-type master. Maxie tensed. Of course it had to be someone he knew. Sidney's weird red mohawk/hair tuft thing was unmistakable. He was doomed, certain to be arrested before he could even hope to flee the parlor.
Archie burst in the room.
"Hey, Adonis," Sidney didn't seem fazed in the slightest. "What's up, man?"
Archie grinned that stupid grin of his. "Not much! Here to give my friend Maxine some moral support."
The glare on Maxie's face could have melted ice. He yanked Archie down to his level. "What are you thinking! That idiot trainer is going to recognize us!" he hissed.
"Relax, Mr. Uptight," Archie smirked. "Sidney's cool. We trade Sharpedo training tips. Besides, Steven was the one we had the problem with, remember?"
The soothing tone did nothing for Maxie's anger. If Archie messed this up, he'd never forgive him.
"Sidney doesn't know who we are," Archie reassured him. "I've been coming to him for months."
A moment later, Sidney had his station all set up. "So, what are we getting?"
"Uhh, this." Maxie procured a business card, making an embarrassing effort to rip the Magma logo from it so Sidney wouldn't find out his true identity. Maxie struggled against the cardstock. Sidney stared at him, clearly weirded out. Maxie ignored it. Sidney had no right to judge, considering his own questionable fashion choices.
Sidney took the logo and studied it. "Hey, I recognize this!" Maxie's entire body seized up. "Isn't this from one of those failed eco-terrorist groups that tried to take over Hoenn a few years ago? I'm an Elite Four member there," Sidney added with a touch of pride.
"Good for you," Maxie responded through gritted teeth. Even Archie didn't look as cheerful as he had a moment ago. Maxie was seriously considering whether it would've been a better idea to have a Pokemon tattoo him rather than this punk chatterbox.
"Well, it's what you want, and you're paying," Sidney shrugged. "Oh, I get it! You're an old team grunt, aren't you? We get a ton of those coming in here for the same thing. Mostly Rockets around here."
Maxie wanted to strangle the fellow, but thought better of it. "With all due respect, Sidney, I do wonder why an Elite Four member of Hoenn is tattooing vagrants in Johto," Maxie put on his most proper voice.
"Oh, that!" Now Sidney was the cheerful one, busy drawing his stencil. "Well, to be honest, being an Elite Four member doesn't really pay the bills, unless you're wayyy up there, like Drake or Champion-level. Plus, we hardly ever get any challengers and when we do, they're good. I'm first, so that means I'm usually first to lose, and when I lose I don't get paid and rent's out of control. You can only spend so many nights sleeping on the floor of your arena, especially when Phoebe's right next door. Plus taxes have skyrocketed ever since those two maniacs tried to take over. The government's still cleaning up the mess. And since the economy's garbage thanks to all that, no one's getting tattoos, which brings me here. Now, where did you want this?"
Maxie felt a brief sense of satisfaction knowing he had indirectly hurt this man who clearly had no respect for land. No wonder Archie appreciated him so much. Sidney was obviously an Aqua-sympathizer.
"My ankle," Maxie pointed to the spot. He'd had time to think it over during Sidney's ramblings. It was inconspicuous enough.
"Cool," Sidney nodded, applying the stencil.
Five minutes later, it was time. Maxie bit back a grimace as the tattoo machine whirred to life, buzzing as it drew closer and closer to his skin.
An hour later, Maxie and Archie emerged from the tattoo parlor, the former severely disgruntled. While it hadn't hurt necessarily, the entire experience had been wholly unpleasant and he was more than ready to put it behind him. When the needle first made contact, Maxie instinctively kicked Sidney in the face, who took it like a pro, stupid smile never wavering, and pressed on, this time with Archie sitting on Maxie to hold him down. Maxie had spent most of the time gasping for breath.
For his suffering though, Maxie now had his fancy new tattoo, all wrapped up nice and neat with care instructions. He'd shown Archie up this time, even if admittedly he wasn't all that sure it had been worth it.
Giovanni was going to flip when he found out where the month's rent money had gone.