His student is asleep in his arms before he even reaches the tent. Minato and Kakashi are inside discussing barrier seals—specifically, which types would or would not affect Honōka and whether she could sense the types that are most likely to affect her.
They glance up without stalling their debate and then do a double take. Minato jumps up first.
"Chakra exhaustion?"
He nods. Kakashi grabs Honōka's bedroll and spreads it out.
"Kakashi-kun, do you know how to treat moderate chakra exhaustion?"
"Food and rest, Orochimaru-sama."
"And the symptoms for the sudden worsening of chakra exhaustion and related complications?"
"Shortness of breath, sweating, and shivering."
"Indeed." He lays his student down on her bedroll, and Kakashi pulls the zipper up to her chin. "You are in charge until we return."
"Yes, Orochimaru-sama…!"
He absently ruffles the boy's hair and nearly cringes. He really is staticky.
"Come, Minato. There's been a change in plans."
They leave the tent and Minato falls in step on his right side.
"It's bad, isn't it?"
"If I were Hiruzen and knew what I know now, I would have at least ten platoons here—and another ten in reserve."
"We don't have that kind of manpower right now—tensions are high in the north with Kumo and in the east with Kiri. Not to mention the Land of Rivers is asking for aid against the Suna-nin sacking their border towns and ports."
He scoffs. "Surrounded by conflict on all sides. It never ceases, no matter what the era."
They reach the tent next to the Intelligence Division and Minato frowns at the recent addition.
He holds the flap aside and Minato enters ahead of him. Kōmori has found a new pot of coffee to sustain himself on and a red bean jelly bun.
"You put the little monster to bed, Orochi?" Kōmori grins at Minato. "And brought the half-grown monster out instead, eh?"
Minato shifts, uncomfortable.
"If Sakumo's brat doesn't turn out to be half the monster these other two are, I'll swallow my senbon."
Orochimaru twirls a senbon between his fingers. "You can swallow mine if you prefer."
Minato chokes, shooting him an alarmed look that's just a bit horrified. Ah, yes, he thinks. Jiraiya taught him well. Sarcasm goes straight over the poor boy's head, but he does not miss innuendos.
Kōmori snorts.
"We don't have time for foreplay, Orochi. We're about to get fucked by Iwa."
Minato squeaks, and Orochimaru rolls his eyes. Somehow, he is still ridiculously innocent.
"Don't be so crass, Kōmori; you said it yourself, the boy is barely half-grown."
"You started it, bastard."
Minato desperately looks around for something to detract with, and lands on the map superimposed on the packed earth. His jaw drops.
"Honōka-chan found all that… in a couple hours?!"
"Indeed."
Minato pushes his hair back and holds his head. It is rather mind blowing.
"What are these big circles around the—the enemy camps?"
"Sensory-fields." Kōmori responds dully. "The little monster couldn't tell whether they were from individuals or from sensor units, though. Not at this distance, at least."
"Ha…" Minato studies the map, eyes darting. He points to Kannabi Bridge. "They're probably aiming for that bridge. I would be."
He nods. "It is the most direct supply route they could hope to establish, and Iwa-nin are nothing if not direct."
"But, thirteen hundred?" Minato presses his lips into a thin line, then takes a deep breath. "Did Honōka-chan say if she was estimating up or down?"
He points to the numbers she wrote at each location. "Those are both her low estimates, and her high estimates. Thirteen hundred is the averaged total. And, knowing Honōka-kun, it is very nearly accurate." Plus or minus fifty, most likely.
Minato nods.
"Sabotage is out then," Minato gestures to the linear grouping. "There's already a supply line—they'll just pull resources from the back if we pick off the closest targets first."
"Hit and run is out too," Kōmori says. "With those numbers, it'd be like whacking a hornet nest."
Orochimaru taps his foot on the largest camp. "They expect us to attack them eventually, and they are not 'preparing', they are prepared."
"Do you think Kusagakure is involved?" Minato asks.
"I think it is more likely that the Earth Daimyō and the Grass Daimyō are conspiring together to gain more land. Otherwise, Iwa would attempt to bring Kusagakure no Sato into the supply line."
"What makes you say that, Orochi?"
"The document authorizing the mobilization of a four-man team into Kusa territory was signed by the daimyō but not Kusagakure's village head."
Minato groans.
"So, not only are they prepared for a large scale attack, they most likely know a meager four-man team is bound to be snooping around any day now."
"…"
"What did the little monster mean when she said she wasn't 'done' yet. It's been bugging me."
Minato looks at the map again and pales.
"She meant exactly what she said, Kōmori-san."
"Yeah, and what the hell does it mean? I don't speak monster like the rest of you."
"Honōka-kun has only begun refining her distance viewing technique." He explains. "It currently lacks elegance and pinpoint precision. She makes up for it by 'tuning' her frequency to resonate with the ambient environment. However, as she explained it to me, the ambiance differs region by region—especially in areas with greater numbers of shinobi. As she is incapable of 'locking on' to individual signatures from distances greater than twenty kilometers, she instead looks for areas with significant distortions to the natural ambiance and works backwards from there to determine the number of signatures causing the distortion."
"So, if Honōka-chan said she wasn't done, most likely there were other disturbances in the region that she didn't get around to figuring out."
Kōmori furrows his brows, deep-set eyes narrowing.
"Wait. No."
He squints, thinking very hard. A monumentous task for Kōmori, no doubt.
"She's using Shōkyo to find people?" he asks. "That's… that's not how that technique works—that's the exact fucking opposite of how it works! You're shitting me. You're shitting me, right?"
Orochimaru crosses his arms, and Minato shakes his head once. Sadly, they are not.
Kōmori looks at his pot of coffee, looking as though he's questioning the contents of his harmless (if over-brewed) coffee.
"You're serious. Fuck. Your kid really is a monster."
"Ah, don't call her a demon though." Minato says. "She gets… weird about it."
"Duly noted." Kōmori says and clears his throat. "So, what is the plan, my dear monsters?"
Minato rubs his chin.
"Informing the Hokage should probably be priority number one, right? I mean, we're two squadrons, barely a company strong. The nearest enemy camp is likely a full company strong with a mobile support unit."
And there is issue number one, Orochimaru thinks.
He isn't certain Hiruzen will make the logical decision to pull back and reshuffle the border priority. The Kumo and Kiri fronts might seem more important, but they're more interested in squabbling with each other at the present moment. They aren't actively picking a fight with Konoha, unlike Iwa.
In fact, he has a sinking feeling it wasn't Sensei's intention to send him to a highly volatile border at all. His track record at de-escalating tense situations is simply abysmal—a trait that Danzō has encouraged several times over.
"Orochi—"
He holds up one extended finger. Kōmori should really know better than to interrupt him when he's thinking.
Assuming this is Danzō's play, and not Sensei's usual flippant planning, what is his goal? Given the nature of his ongoing experiment in Konoha, he would have thought Danzō would prefer him to be overseeing it in person. And he doubts he was aiming to separate him from his student—Honōka had done nothing to gain his attention until just before they left. Though she was being watched… but Danzō watches most child prodigies…
He might attempt to gain land or resources in a conflict with Kusa and Iwa, but the losses would be a major detriment to Konoha; something he doesn't think Danzō would risk lightly. He lauds himself as Konoha's shadow Hokage (a ridiculous notion) and Root as Konoha's unseen strength.
And why on earth would he think a four-man team would be a suitable force to route enemy camps?
…
Because it would be an acceptable loss—a Sannin, Konoha's Yellow Flash, and two green child geniuses.
He's weeding out his competition.
"Son of a bitch!"
Kōmori sprays coffee on an already startled Minato.
"Minato, put that brain to use and figure out how we can win with the available resources!"
"O-Orochimaru-san?!"
"Kōmori, who knows about the current situation?"
"Just us, and your kid. No one's been close enough to listen in, as far as I can tell."
"Keep it that way."
"Are you crazy?" Kōmori asks. "Thirteen hundred Iwa-nin, Orochi. Thirteen hundred. Let that sink in. Oh, and they could have the freaking Explosion Corps deployed too, because why not? And it only takes one of them fuckers to wipe a camp this size off the face of the planet."
Orochimaru runs a pulse of chakra through his foot and erases the map without a trace.
"What the hell!? That map was kind of important!"
"Not an issue. Honōka-kun has an excellent memory. She rarely forgets anything."
"That's really not the fucking point!?"
"Sh!"
"Don't 'sh' me!"
Kōmori takes an aggressive step towards him and Orochimaru lays the taller man out flat in a blur of motion. Then he tucks a loose strand of hair behind his ear and carefully plants his foot on Kōmori's throat, applying the slightest pressure.
"Do not test me, Kōmori. You won't like what happens next."
"Orochimaru-san…!" Minato hisses. There's the faint sound of laughter outside.
No one breathes for a long moment. The laughter fades, and he spends another tense moment straining his senses. Minato lets out a shaky breath and Orochimaru is almost staggered.
Minato, Jiraiya's self-righteous student, is backing him up.
"Well shit," Kōmori says, throat bobbing under his foot. "This is really not how I imagined you going down on me."
Minato gags and Orochimaru grins viciously, baring his fang-like teeth.
Contrary to popular belief, they are not the result of self-experimentation; rather, they are natural and do not possess venom—which is another popular rumor. A rumor he may or may not have encouraged.
"Alright, alright. I don't know who you pissed off, or who pissed you off, and I really hate pissing contests in general… but I digress. In the interest of not dying a very painful death, I'll play nice with you monsters."
Orochimaru roughly lifts his foot off his neck, eyes narrowed.
"Cross me and I will find you, Kōmori, and gut you."
"I know, believe me, I know." He rubs his throat and gets to his feet. "So, I make sure nobody knows Iwa has a literal army across the border that the Land of Grass is likely backing in some capacity until you and your monsters poke the anthill and inevitably get us all killed in a glorious bombing attack by the Explosion Corps. Yeah. Okay. At least it's not the excruciating torture you had planned for me."
"Kōmori-san," Minato oh-so-pleadingly placates, hands clasped like a prayer. "There's probably a really good explanation for Orochimaru-san's behavior and we would really appreciate your help…"
"Oh, hell no—I'll keep my mouth shut, but I ain't helping!"
Minato turns his most pitiable expression on Kōmori and his eyes glisten. Orochimaru is fairly certain that particular effect was obtained with a bit of discreet nature manipulation. Either that, or the boy is actually a competent actor.
"No, no, nope. It's not working on me, kid. I'm a grown man—I don't bend for crocodile tears."
"Do it for Honōka-chan and Kakashi-kun! They're too young to die…!"
"I'm pretty sure the mini monsters have a better chance of surviving this than I do—"
"Please, Kōmori-san! I would feel so much better if you were on our side!"
Kōmori doesn't bend—he breaks.
"Gods dammit it. Fucking whatever. We all gotta die sometime, now's as good a time as any. At least I won't have to attend my sister's wedding in the New Year. I fucking hate weddings."