"You have rejected their offer," Solas entered the kitchens without a sound as she kneaded dough as violently as possible without outright ruining it.
"Yep." She glowered at the flour dusted table as she worked. He'd just let her walk into that den of vipers alone. Full well knowing what was going to happen. The shiny skulled asshole.
Solas hadn't been needed because Leliana, the magnificent pupil that she was, was already well on her way to becoming fluent in communicating with Brynn. She still wasn't sure if she was more envious, or just plain irritated about it.
"I told them you might,"
"Aren't you clever," she spared a bitter look for him. He had to have known what she was walking into. "They still seemed surprised." She separated the loaves and threw them on the pan before she risked crushing all the air out of them with her fists.
"You can hardly blame them for asking. Your arrival, while overwhelmingly suspicious, has also delivered the best tool they have in trying to restore Thedas. It seems they've determined you are not an enemy, and so they hoped to recruit you as an ally."
The longer he spoke, the more irritated Brynn was growing. There was no need for her to go into that room alone, no need for them to invite her into their wacky club. There was certainly no reason Solas couldn't have given her some kind of heads up before she marched in there. And of course, now he had come looking for her, after she'd made an ass of herself.
It was exactly why, for the first time since arriving here, she had actively chosen not to retreat to the cabin. She'd ducked into the kitchen and was relieved to find it was the same as any other kitchen she'd come across- if you had free hands, they would put you to work.
The baking had actually calmed her down some. It was just that bald bastard showing up again that had set her off.
"Thrilled I'm no longer on Cassandra's hit list."
"And yet you will not join their cause?"
"Solas- why would they want me in their cause? I'm dead weight. I've been sunk in a full-on depression for weeks. I'm the hermit of the village. I'm useless in every attempt you've made to help me along- in fact, I've been wildly ungrateful. But aside from all that, I don't fucking belong here!"
The outburst had startled a few of the remaining kitchen staff and those that could, had found somewhere else to make themselves busy. The last two gave each other a wary look and kept their head down.
"Often people who suffer a great trauma can feel a lack of belonging-"
"No," she shook her head. "I'm not talking about some kind of psychoanalysis thing. I am literally not supposed to be here. This is not 'reality' as I know it. I spend my whole day looking forward to sleep because I think maybe this time is finally the day I get to wake up from this elaborate hallucination caused by brain worms. This place is not real. It can't be real, because it's impossible. Everything here has gotta be coma induced because I am going to lose my mind again if that's not the case. And honestly? There's very little left in the tank to lose."
Solas frowned, "You're saying you do not believe yourself to be conscious right now? You doubt this is reality?" he seemed to think that position was absurd.
Admittedly, it was getting more difficult to convince herself the longer she spent here. This was not in the realm of lucid dreaming, and it was well beyond the explanation of a 'bad trip'. But to admit this might be real was an entirely different level of terror she wasn't quite ready to embrace.
"I don't know," she threw up her flour covered hands, exasperated. "Maybe it's like… an alternate universe or something? All I know is that where I come from? There are cars. There's electricity. And fucking indoor plumbing," the toilets were gross, sure, but god how she missed bathing out of something that wasn't a bucket. "I'm not equipped to handle this kind of backwards-ass fantasy hellscape. That you guys haven't figured that out yet, honestly gives me some serious concerns about how well your Inquisition is going to fare."
Solas rested a knuckle against his chin thoughtfully, her pissy attitude had apparently taken a back seat to the substance of her talking points. Perhaps the hysteria in her voice was encouraging him not to take it personally.
"I suppose that is a possibility. Other worlds beyond the Fade. There are things that I have seen there that… would fit within that concept. One cannot know where all paths in the Fade truly lead. Perhaps you traveled one of these paths yourself without knowing. With the events at the conclave I wonder if the path you took is still available. With such a disruption it would be unlikely-"
"Solas, bud," she said sharply, him speaking about it so practically was suddenly too much. She'd just thrown it out as a possibility to try and get past the inevitable argument about selfishness. But was it really selfish if the people here weren't real? If they didn't actually matter? He'd ruined her flippant deflection by admitting not only was it a possibility, but it was equally possible there was no way for her to get back. "That's not helping."
"I apologize," the distant look in his eyes cleared as he acknowledged her again. "It is just something I had not considered before."
"I'm elated to have given you a new puzzle to occupy your time."
"So, you wish to return? That is the basis of your reluctance in these matters?"
She looked at him like he'd grown a horn out of the middle of his forehead. Though, given the way things had been going, maybe that wouldn't have been such a surprising turn of events.
"Yes, Solas. It's horrible here. Did you know that in nearly three decades, I had not once been pin-cushioned by a demon? Much less seen one. And I hadn't killed anything bigger than a spider. Those were things I didn't properly appreciate before now, but I can tell you, they were very much things I expected to enjoy for my entire lifetime where I come from. I want to go home."
He nodded, thoughtful again, "This must have been quite a change- I can appreciate how difficult that must be," he sounded like he genuinely meant it, his sympathy causing a lump to rise unbidden in her throat. A tedious thing that she swallowed back stubbornly. "I'm afraid I am unaware how to advise you in that regard. It is beyond my knowledge at the moment. Perhaps there is more to be learned from the Breach itself."
"Yeah, cause we had such a good time the last trip," she snorted. "I'll just go up there and ask the friendly green giant lighting bolt, shall I?"
"I am surprised your overwhelming snark has not provided us an answer already," he raised an eyebrow. Not entirely disapproving, but also reaching the end of his patience with her attitude.
"You and me both."
"It will need to be closed truly, before the end."
"And I wish you guys the best of luck with that," she said firmly. There was absolutely no reason she was ever going to hike up that mountain again, real or otherwise.
His lips went thin as he considered how best to continue, "I myself suffered from a similar fate, uprooted suddenly from all that I knew. It is still a challenge. I connect most closely with those in the Fade and that brings me some peace, if not outright satisfaction. But I have found purpose, and someday perhaps I will gain back what was lost. Whether or not there is a way to return to your home is not an easy resolution. But you would not be the first refugee who has been displaced from their lives and had to start over in a strange place."
"That's not remotely-" she ran a hand through her hair, belatedly realizing she had likely streaked it with flour and bits of dough. He meant well, but there was no way she could articulate exactly how otherworldly this place was. It was like he was reassuring her that she'd find a new favorite donut shop when she moved cities. "I appreciate it, I really do. But I'm… there's still going to be an adjustment period," she said. An adjustment period that would last until everything was back to normal.
"I understand," he nodded. He stooped down to pick up a basket he had settled near his feet when he'd arrived. It looked like it had been a pile of trash, but he set it up on the table nearby like he intended to leave it for her. "These were amongst your person when they found you. Leliana had hoped to discover some information about your identity while you were unconscious, however, there is…" he eyed the pile dubiously. "Little of worth I'm afraid. Given that you may not remain with us, Leliana thought you might want to examine it. Also," he reached behind his shoulder to bring forth his staff.
She had thought it odd that he was packing heat in the kitchen but figured it might have been rude to bring up. This too he set on the table.
"They retrieved this from the crater. Thought you might still wish to have it."
She frowned, realizing this staff looked nothing like his own, with the barbed bit of metal on top. Incidentally looking like he could very well use it as a mace, despite his anti-bludgeoning agenda, though she knew he would scowl at the suggestion.
This one had a hazy white globe at the top, cold radiating off of it. It was encircled with the roots of a lighter branch that had been fused to the main length of the staff. Smooth gray leather had been added to a few places along the grip, and in two spots she could see where there had been a definite crack along the length of wood. Those fissures had been repaired with a clear blue substance that glowed between the empty spaces in the wood.
She trailed her finger along the crack in the middle, right where she'd remembered seeing her own adopted staff shattered in the fight on the mountain.
"Given how admirably it performed when called upon, the council thought perhaps it ought to be repaired in repayment of its service. They hoped you would use it to the benefit of the Inquisition. But seeing how that may not be mutually beneficial, I thought you might still find use for it. It has been…" Solas smirked. "Reinforced to withstand damage, even if you choose to strike physically with it. Which I still advise against."
"Oh no," she said, her heart sinking. "You guys did something nice."
"It seems a paltry offering for what you have done for us, but it will have to do. However," he nodded to the loaves of uncooked bread. "I see you are busy. I will leave you to it."
Brynn swallowed hard, "Thanks," she offered, but realized when she finally tore her gaze from the staff that Solas was already long gone.
"Bastards," she scowled. She wasn't about to let them manipulate her into engaging with whatever whack-a-doodle nonsense this was. They had almost gotten her killed. It was a paltry offering, no matter how nice it looked. No matter that they had repaired it specifically for her technique of smacking something to death instead of using it properly. "Absolute bastards."
Before she got too attached, she turned her attention to the basket, laughing at the idea of Leliana being able to find anything identifying in the contents.
Most of it had probably once been clothing- it made sense now why they'd been replaced. It nearly crumbled to ash in her hands, so blackened and weak as it was. None of it was identifiable as a shirt or pants or socks. Just a mess of burnt fibers.
Her bag had fared a little better, the shape at least was clear. But the leather was beyond cracked and when she peeled open the flap it snapped off instead of unfolding as it once had. She tipped the bag and much of the contents that tumbled out was more ash and unidentifiable lumps. One piece of particularly hardened ash she suspected might have once been her phone.
There was one item alone that had withstood the fire. It was dirty, and not immediately obvious as anything other than more charcoal. But she picked it up gently and the ash started to smear free from the tarnished metal beneath.
A braided steel bracelet. It had been Ashton's, her brothers. She'd worn it for five years after his death, and when she had gotten work as a line cook, and jewelry was as much a hazard as a health code violation, she'd carried it with her every day since. The day she couldn't remember had been no different.
She fumbled with the clasp, her fingers trembling as she wrapped it around her wrists. She was now fully smeared with soot, but that didn't matter because she'd had a hard time seeing it given the way her vision had started to blur.
She refused to let the tears fall. It had been a long time ago and plenty more horrible things had happened to her since. But she knew it had broken her anyway. This piece of her old life, of her brother. It had followed her here, and somehow the cold metal pressed against her skin made it so she knew. The bracelet was real. It was here. That meant that… for better or worse, this place was real.
She was never going to miraculously wake up in her own bed again like nothing had happened because this place was real.
"Oh fuck," she said, a sob catching in her throat unannounced. And that's when she burst into tears.