Chapter Thirteen

I never liked hospitals much, but being in one now was honestly a relief. I mostly just rested and did whatever the human doctors and the two odd gem scientists asked, so they could try and understand.

Speaking of the two odd gems in question, I got to meet the Other Peridot (apparently, she was trying to find a new nickname. She really liked the idea of nicknames) and the Selenite. They spent about fifteen minutes desperately apologizing to me for their part in my current condition, and catching me up to speed.

They actually were a big help, since they were possibly the only two gems who had actually spent time studying organics and biochemistry and things like that.

"Pink Diamond wanted to protect this planet. We didn't realize that, but we did understand she didn't want humans to be harmed." The Peridot had explained, once she calmed herself down from the relentless apologies. "But the machine shouldn't have even been able to activate without us."

"We're very pleased you survived the procedure." Selenite hummed, hovering nervously. Literally, she was hovering off the floor a bit. "It would have been terribly tragic if you had perished, especially since our intent was to extend your general survivability in a post-gem colony."

I shifted a bit. "I'm glad I lived too. Even if I'm not sure what this will do to me."

"Well, we can already determine a few things." Selenite leaned forward thoughtfully. "You require vision correction, yes?"

"Yes?" I tilted my head. "My eyesight is-"

And then there was a click.

I could see them perfectly.

I could see them perfectly.

I rubbed my face, slowly, eyes widening.

Selenite blinked. "...I believe it would now be more accurate to state you used to require vision correction."

"Holy shit ." I breathed softly. "That's… Amazing, but it's… terrifying."

My heart was starting to pound in my chest, and I fought to focus on their words to prevent myself from giving in to a panic attack. Process information now, panic later. I managed to force it down to hear what they were saying.

"Mm. The gem implanted within you is inert, but it does hold some amount of power. Ah-" Peridot 2 cleared her throat. "I should probably explain. Sometimes gems are prematurely excavated or fail to emerge properly. They still hold some amount of power, but do not have the capability of forming or even thinking. Essentially they aren't "alive". Inert gems are usually just harvested, used as power sources, since they're not alive like me and Selenite."

"I-I see… What kind of gem do I have?" I tentatively crept a hand towards my back, though I could only barely brush a finger along the rough surface, right in my back.

"Fulgurite." Selenite hummed. "Generally used for power production and control. They have a variety of electrical powers. The newer gems we've encountered inform us they are rarely made anymore, due to technological advances rendering them largely unnecessary. There are still some left, generally as engineers."

I examined the picture of the gem in my back for the hundredth time. It was pale, and branched out. It sort of resembled a crystallized version of one of those lightning scars I had seen photos of, like a branching tree.

"Fulgurite, huh…?" I mumbled, sinking slowly back into my bed. I wondered if that would be significant.

Nah. No way will it matter.

"We were thinking it may be safer for you if we removed it, but apparently the human doctors are less sure, due to the proximity to your spinal cord."

I nodded. "That… makes sense. The spine is kind of important." A grimace crept across my face. "So it's staying."

"For now. We're trying to find a safe way to remove it. Damaging it directly could work but it could also cause unpredictable effects, and we'd rather not risk that." Selenite shook her head. "We're sorry."

"I…" I wasn't sure how to reply to that. I definitely had a strong feeling in my heart that I wanted the thing out but I had no idea why exactly. It wasn't hurting me, so far. "I understand."

After performing a few tests, the duo left me alone for a bit, and soon, I finally got a visit from Spinel. I knew it was coming, but the doctors and gems wanted to wait before letting me have visitors.

Spinel practically burst into the room, scrambling to the side of the bed in a panic, before rapidly calming herself.

"Ying! You're okay! I mean I heard you were okay but the last I saw they were moving you away and, and I was so worried and I thought you were gonna die and I want to hug you but I don't know if that would hurt or not and-"

I wrapped my arms around Spinel, hugging her close. "It's okay." I soothed her gently. "I'm okay. I'm… Okay, I'm not "okay" but I'm alive, and I'm here. And you're here. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I scared you..."

Spinel took several breaths, before hugging back, squeezing me close, nuzzling against me. She held her face against me, mumbling against me. "Never again…" She murmured. "I never wanna be so scared again. It's my fault for telling you to come."

I cringed a bit. "No, no no. You never could have known."

"Maybe but I should have kept you close by…"

"I could have just as easily been hurt if I stayed."

"Mmnmh…" Spinel just whimpered a bit, refusing to let go. I slowly pet her head, exhaling.

"So much for a second date." She added, after a moment. I couldn't help but giggle, and I could feel her smiling against me. Good. Smiles and bad jokes about horrible experiences was better than her blaming herself like that.

I pressed my lips to the top of her head impulsively. "Next time, we'll just hang out in one of our apartments and… I dunno, watch TV and cuddle on the couch."

"Sounds good." She hummed. I noticed a tint on her cheeks, and grinned. I had made her blush. Even better.

"When do they let you leave?"

"A few days." I hummed. "Apparently the most they can do for me is have me and the gems keep an eye out for any weirdness. Um, any weirdness pertaining to the gem in my back I mean, not the usual kind."

Spinel gave another weak giggle. I was on a roll

"Don't do anything dumb okay?" She begged softly. "I don't want anything like this to happen again. Too much stuff has already gone wrong that was my fault…"

"I just told you… It's not your fault." I pet her head some more, and she began to relax a little.

"Maybe yer right, but it sure feels like it is…" She groaned. I cringed a bit.

"Yeah, I… I definitely know what that feels like." I murmured. She glanced up, a wan smile on her face.

"Bonded through trauma?" She offered, forcing a joke again.

"Bonded through trauma." I nodded, drawing her close.

It was a day later that I got a panicked phone call. I had already messaged my friends, telling them everything, and they had all sent me well-wishes and concern, so I was surprised to hear Zach's nervous voice wavering over my cell phone.

"H-hey Ying." He said, sounding even more stressed than usual.

"What's up?" I shifted, eyebrow raised, glad the doctors let me have my phone to contact them. His tone had instantly set me on edge.

"So I was out shopping for groceries, and uh, I um, ran into someone. Specifically your mom."

I blinked, eyebrows shooting up. It made some sense, Zach didn't live too far from where I used to live. He continued, speaking a little faster.

"And it was weird. " I heard a soft drumming sound; his fingers were rattling along a table, if I had to guess. "She cornered me, and kept asking me about you."

"The fuck? " I blinked. "She's never cared to ask anyone before, why now?"

"I don't know but I sort of… cracked and spilled?" Zach groaned. "I'm so so fucking sorry. I'm not good under pressure and she seemed… Like she actually cared? I don't know, I don't know, I was freaked out and she kept begging me to tell her and… I, I dunno, I just kind of told her everything…"

I pressed a hand to my forehead. " Breathe Zach. It's okay." I heard his frantic huffing and puffing, and sighed. "Breathe slowly . Hold Sunny if you need to. It's okay. I'm not upset. I'm weirded out, but… I'm over it. If mom wants to show up, let her."

Zach took several slow breaths, and soon his voice was even again. "Okay. Sorry. I know you didn't have the best… anything , but I know she wasn't like Peony or nothing. That's… really the only reason I didn't just book it."

"It's okay." I soothed calmly. "I don't… I don't respect her, not even a little… But I don't hate her." I sighed. "She's awful and treated me like I wasn't even there. But Peony would beat the shit out of me ."

"Yeah." Zach nervously coughed. "When you put it like that, it sounds… Well you know."

"I do." I smiled sadly. "Thanks for the warning though. If she shows up, I'll be ready."

"Miss DeLacour?" A nurse poked her head in. "A woman who says she's your mother is here to see you."

I stared at the nurse for a moment in stunned silence.

Zach made a strangled noise on the phone, apparently having overheard. "OKAY. FUCK." He shouted, forcing me to jerk the phone away from my head. "SORRY. I'M JUST GONNA GO NOW."

I groaned, shoving my phone aside, burying my face into my hands, exhaling slowly. "Right. Okay. This week can't get worse. Yeah, fuck it. I might yell. A lot.

Mom was standing in the room, and boy it was throwing me for a loop. She was tall and hawkish, with eyes that were cold and sharp as a razor blade. Exactly as I remembered her being all those years ago.

For the most part, she looked exactly the same, but I was a little thrown off by her expression.

She was scared . Of… What?

Me. I realized numbly Mom is scared of me .

"Hi." I said, my voice hard and flat, staring her down.

"That's-" Her voice wavered, breaking for a moment. " That's how you greet me after all these years?"

I glared at her, and she withered almost immediately, oddly submissive and jumpy.

"I heard. About everything. About… How you were here." She said, voice wary and uncertain. "Your job, and… being in the hospital. And, about-"

"Why are you here?" I cut her off flatly. Mom flinched.

"To…" She paused, her expression wary. "To… Apologize doesn't feel right. To… atone?"

"To atone." Was I hearing her correctly?

"Yes."

I stared her down, refusing to let a single emotion show on my face. She twitched, flickering her gaze away.

"You ran away." She said finally, fingers tightly clasping at her coat. "Which means… we failed you, didn't we? We… After you left, some people came. The ones you were staying with."

That would have to be Sunny's parents; They were the ones who "officially" took over providing for me.

"They came with police."

That added up. It hadn't been easy for me, but her parents convinced me to give a statement to the police. I remembered that pretty well. I also remembered refusing to actually go to their trial, not wanting to see their faces even once. I never even had learned the result.

"Neglect, child endangerment, and abuse." She said, eyes low. "Your father and I were… in prison."

Oh.

"And… when we got out, we weren't allowed to contact you. So we… tried to forget." She looked away, as if she wanted to be anywhere but here.

Good. I don't want her here.

"So that's why… I… I'm sorry." She finally forced the words out.

The cold detachment gave way to anger. It bubbled in my heart, and I felt bile rise. I tried to force it back, but before I knew it I was speaking with acid in my voice.

" You're sorry?! " I spat. "You sure didn't seem sorry to see me go! Did you even look for me? Do you want to know what my life was actually like, because you were too busy to be a part of it?!"

She recoiled, but that only gave fuel to the fire, and I continued on, raging at her now.

"I had to learn how to feed myself because you barely ever remembered to make me things yourself! I had to teach myself how to bathe , how to brush my own teeth and how to wash my own clothes because you never taught me. I learned how to stay alive from my friends' parents, not from mine. And anything else? I taught myself! School just taught you stuff like numbers and writing. I never got to go on a single field trip because you would never sign the forms that let me go. I was packing my own lunches by the time I was six. You wouldn't even take me to the hospital when I needed it. " I was trying to keep my voice level, but I could feel my volume rising. For once in my life, I felt powerful. I was confined to a bed, with a foreign object embedded in my spine and despite all of that I was the one who had every bit of power right now.

"You want to be forgiven?" I snarled. "You're sorry that I got so fucked up? Do you know that I got so fucking desperate for attention I let my first girlfriend beat me senseless because I was too scared to lose her?! Do you have any idea how much you and dad broke me?!"

Mother couldn't even look me in the eye. Maybe it was harsh, but I was speaking the truth and we both knew it. Maybe it wasn't even the right thing to do. But I was done .

"Ying, please-" She begged.

"Get out." I whispered hoarsely.

"I just wanted to… I just wanted my daughter." She looked up, fighting tears.

Maybe I was a bad person. But I couldn't bring myself to give a fuck.

"Get the hell out." I repeated. "I never want to see you or dad again. I don't want you to call me, to contact me, or to even come near me."

I stared her down, and for a moment, she didn't move, as if fighting to find the right words. Maybe a better person would have given her a second chance.

But I'm not a better person. I'm me.

"GET OUT!" I shrieked, and she jumped, and I felt a grim, guilty satisfaction at seeing her bursting into tears as she fled.

Good riddance.

It was what was best for me.

And yet, despite that…

I couldn't help but feel just a little bad.

But I can't forgive her.

All that abuse and neglect… No. I can't forgive that.

I felt… oddly free. Proud even. I had fought off my past and maybe I had come out on top. It felt like nothing could defeat me.

I quickly realized that there were at least two things that could defeat me. The first was boredom . Being bound to a hospital bed? So damn boring.

Eventually, the doctors sent me home. Reluctantly. As far as the gem went, there was very little they could glean. The most they could figure out was that the gem had somehow fixed my eyes and that I was otherwise mostly healthy. It wasn't even sore anymore. The fulgurite in my back still felt intrusive, but for now… I could live with it. I'd survive.

I was a survivor.

I figured that escape from the hospital meant I was freed from boredom but no. Instead, the Crystal Gems insisted I take some more time off though. I fought tooth and nail, reluctant to just not work for a while, but they put their feet down, and it was impossible to face them all down, especially when they had Spinel on their side.

I never liked holding still for too long. Sure, it was nice to take some time off now and then, but if I spent too long just doing nothing, I would be consumed by the worst kind of boredom.

Luckily, I had lots of friends nearby. Spinel visited frequently, of course, but sometimes the others would too. The Peridot I was more familiar with, always eager to talk about terrible shows we both adored (seriously, those sitcoms are awful but I love them). Before it was time for her to head back, Connie swung by, both to see how I was doing and to ask about teaching gems. And of course, Pearl the worrywort swung by to make sure I was okay at least three times. Even Diopside swung by once to make sure I didn't need anything.

But, overall, I wound up with plenty of free time.

Which leads to the second thing that not only could defeat me, but actually did.

Spinel.

All this time without anything really happening meant that Spinel and I had plenty of free time for our second… third? I'm not sure the last one counted, so I decided this was our second date.

We didn't do much, or even talk about much. Spinel just sort of snuggled up to me and we remained close while a movie blared on TV. I wasn't really watching it, too distracted by Spinel because my god how is she so soft.

I was maybe panicking about having a pretty girl in my arms but on the bright side I had a pretty girl in my arms . She was sort of nestled against my lap, despite being a bit taller than me. Her eyes were fully on the movie- a cute romcom I had picked out. One of my secret shames- an adoration for cheesy romance flicks, especially if I could find some cute gay ones somewhere or other. There weren't enough out there. They existed for sure, but you had to dig around a bit to find them.

But my eyes were fixed on Spinel. I couldn't help it. She was just…

It was hard to put into words. There was a softness to her that one might miss if they were to just glance at her. The marks on her face, the way her hair was shaped, it made sense that people would see only angles and some amount of harshness to her.

But up close like this, I could see the way her cheeks twitched when she smiled, or the sparkle in her eyes when she got excited. I could see her shoulders shaking with mirth. I could see all of that and so much more. I was practically trying to etch the image of her smile into my brain.

Spinel turned suddenly, and I squeaked, caught staring right at her. She blinked, then giggled.

"What's up?" She smirked, asking that question despite the fact that she seemingly knew exactly what was up.

"N-nothing, I was just watching to make sure that you were having fun?" I offered weakly.

"Hmm." She grinned, eyes sparkling with mischief, as she turned fully, sitting in my lap and facing me, about a full head taller in that position, and I think I just about exploded. "Nothing else, huh?" She grinned coyly.

"Uh. Maybe I got a little lost in your eyes?" I offered nervously, and her lips pulled into an even wider smile, even as she blushed.

"You like my eyes?" She fluttered her lashes a bit, and my heart fluttered in response. Oh I'm doomed. Her eyes were pink too, unsurprisingly. And… Were there hearts in her pupils? Actual goddamn hearts?

"Absolutely." I said seriously. "You're beautiful."

Her face lit up and I felt my heart pound in my chest, hands awkwardly shifting to meet her own. She shifted a bit, tugging her gloves off so she could wrap her hands around mine more directly. The smile that my praise had caused gave way to another mischievous one.

"Hmm… I'd say yer pretty too, doll ."

Fuck. I'm dead. This girl is going to kill me.

Forget about everything. The gem in my back, the horrible whirr of the drill, the pain in my spine, the blood and metal smell, the underwater laboratory. Forget about Peridot-2 and Selenite. Forget about Pink Diamond. Forget about my job, forget Peony, forget my shitty parents.

Right this second nothing mattered except for the girl in my arms who had just used a pet name to address me.

And as if I couldn't die any harder, like Spinel read my mind, she leaned in just a little.

"In fact… I'd say yer just about the nicest, sweetest, and prettiest gal I could ask for…"

And then she kissed me and my brain stopped working completely.

Spinel

Was

Kissing

Me

Oh my god what do I do

Where do my hands go

Shoulders, my hands were on her shoulders. Okay.

Do I kiss back?

Do it, you coward.

I kissed back.

Oh my gosh I kissed her back.

We kissed!

Spinel broke away and I think she realized how much she broke me because she suddenly looked a bit uncertain.

"Uh… Ying? You, you okay? I'm sorry, I probably shoulda asked first." She nervously tapped her fingers against my arm and I shook myself slightly.

"I'm definitely more than okay." I giggled weakly, a bit breathless.

"Oh! Good!" Spinel nervously laughed. She was blushing almost as bad as me. She must have done that totally on impulse.

"Can… we do that again?" I asked shyly, causing spinel to do what I could only think of as a double-take. She stared, then after a pause, nodded.

This week has been a mixed bag, I thought as our lips touched softly. But I think this makes up for it.