I had to admit, despite everything, I felt a bit like I was floating.

The last week was exhausting. Bluebird's botched attack. My day off turning into a nightmare. Being turned into a living science experiment. Mom. Spinel kissing me oh my god. (Yeah I was still reeling a bit from that). And now, being forced to take time off.

Overall, a lot happened and now that I actually stopped to process it, I was actually glad that I had a few more days to recover. I had time to refine my lesson plan for when it was time to head back into classes, and time to digest things.

Although, the fulgurite in my back was starting to have some... side effects.

It was very minor, and maybe I was imagining it, but I seemed to be getting hit with static shocks more often. I had to send regular reports to the research duo and to the doctors, so I mentioned that, with an aside that it was just infrequent enough to possibly be coincidental.

As if I needed anything else, now I was getting paranoid.

Every time I stretched, or needed to pop my back, or take a shower, that stone was there. Reminding me of that room.

Reminding me of the changes I'd been forced to go through.

It wasn't great. I'd survive, but it wasn't great.

I was full of conflicting, roiling thoughts.

I was proud of myself for standing up to mom, but also I felt maybe a little guilty. She was awful. I could never forgive her, and I would never take back what I had said to her. I'd meant every word.

I still felt bad about it despite it all.

Didn't make me want to give her a chance. I never wanted to see her again.

I was afraid of the gem in my back and if those static shocks were just chance, or a prelude to something much worse.

And I was over the goddamn moon because Spinel, my girlfriend, had kissed me on the lips and I couldn't stop thinking about it. It felt like maybe we had skipped a step or two somewhere, but after that kiss I couldn't care less. We were something.

There was also the matter of being able to see clearly. My vision had always always been atrocious. And now, even without lenses, I could see perfectly. An eye exam at the hospital had my vision clocked at 20/20, no signs of my photophobia, or any sort of astigmatism, or anything wrong with my eyes.

It was a little unnerving, to have something I had lived with all my life just… fixed. If I mentioned this to Sunny or Zach, they'd be pissed. We used to be the bad eyesight trio, now it's just those two.

But it was also very liberating. I could finally just… not wear those glasses everywhere. I had been dangerously close to being legally blind, not to mention the pain that bright light gave me. But now…

Now I couldn't stop looking around, wondering how I'd missed so much.

"You're lookin all shell-shocked there, doll." Spinel said one morning, having come over to check on me. Everyone was keeping close tabs on me. If it wasn't for how much I liked everyone who was , it would have driven me bonkers. "You alright?"

She had concern in her gaze, and I smiled reassuringly.

"Still kind of reeling from the whole… "I can see!" thing." I laughed weakly. "I imagine gems don't usually have that sort of issue."

"Nope! Hard light and magic!" Spinel patted her face a bit. "I can't even picture the world less clearly than it is!"

"Well for me… It was a lot of problems to be honest, but I was horribly nearsighted." I explained. "I could make out things close to my face, but the further away it was the blurrier it would get. The glasses did help, but I sure wouldn't want to be driving a car with eyesight that bad."

"I don't think I would have let ya, either." Spinel giggled a bit. I pouted playfully.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. I can't drive anyway. I don't have a license and never bothered to actually learn how. I kept figuring my eyes would probably only get worse in a while."

"Really?" Spinel's eyes widened.

"Yeah. I didn't know for sure, but I'm not exactly sturdy, and my dad's eyesight started to go when he was like, thirty. So there's some genetic precedent."

"Uhm…"

"Oh right. It's uh, an organic thing. Remember that thing I taught, about mutations, DNA, passing traits down?"

"Oh! Oh right!" Spinel bobbed her head. "Gosh, that class was a little while ago."

"I've been here… what, almost three months?" I hummed thoughtfully. "It was the end of summer, and now we're halfway through fall. Gosh."

"Feels like you've always been here." Spinel joked, winking. "Which to me, is close, since I only fully moved in two months before you did."

"Wait, really?" I blinked, surprised.

"Well, I had visited." Spinel flopped forward. "But I was living on Homeworld, with the Diamonds… We kind of… realized that it wasn't perfectly healthy? I mean uh… It was! At first! And I don't wanna make it sound like they treated me bad or anything. And being with them, just being able to do the things I did with Pink, that helped me a lot ." Spinel fiddled with her fingers nervously. "I was… I had some really bad mood swings. I don't know how much I told you about... When I tried to kill earth."

"You told me about… the injector, and the Rejuvenator." I shut an eye, remembering the details she had shared with me over the months. "And that you attacked Steven, and he managed to erase your memories, then brought them back and talked you down?"

"Yeah." Spinel nodded. "But only after I attacked him again ." She laughed humorlessly. Her face was twisted into an intense frown. "I… had a meltdown." She giggled, again, without any mirth. It was a weird, off putting noise.

I wrapped my arms around her a bit, and she continued, speaking weakly. "And the diamonds just kind of showed up. And I had a way to start over. They missed Pink a lot. They still do. And I miss her too sometimes, despite… Yeah." Spinel sighed, leaning her head atop mine a bit, and I remained silent, letting her spill at her own pace.

"So I went with them to Homeworld. I reminded them of her. I wasn't her, of course. And they knew it, but… they still were so happy to have a little piece of her memory around, and have someone who was just… me." Her smile was a little more genuine now. "But I was still… not stable. But the thing is, if I had a meltdown or uh, a really bad mood swing, I was surrounded by gems who could protect themselves and help me. I couldn't hurt anyone."

"So it was… a place where you could work on getting better and changing safely?"

"Yeah." Spinel nodded. "And I gotta say, it helped a lot. Having the Diamonds dote over me, help me. At first they were a little awkward, but when they actually started… trying to fix things, they got really into it." Spinel giggled. "That, I meant not just about me, I mean about… everything. Steven did a number on them."

"This Steven kid sounds like something else." I hummed. "Heard he's gonna be visiting this winter."

"Mm!" Spinel gave a little nod. "He made me want to change."

"That's always the first step to self-improvement."

"Talkin' from experience, doll?"

"Yeah, a little. I was uh… really dependent for a while. Not in a good way."

"You did say that, back in the van ride." Spinel squeezed me. "Guess we both tried to change ourselves for the better."

"I got more independent."

"And I got better at dealin' with bein' angry and all self-loathing all the time." Spinel nodded.

"So why'd you leave, in the end?"

"Well even though I knew it wasn't true, I kept thinkin like… In my head, I would sometimes get these weird thoughts. Like the Diamonds just saw me as a replacement. Pink 2.0, I guess. I knew it wasn't true but my brain kept giving me that thought. And uh… Blue accidentally made that worse too." She shook her head, grinning sheepishly. "She could make these… "happy clouds'' that could make a gem forget their troubles for a while. It's not like it fixes head problems, but it gave ya a little space to relax and… clear yourself before stoppin' to deal with it proper."

"Huh." I hummed thoughtfully. "I can see that being both good and bad."

"Yeah. I… Sometimes I got so bad and upset that I would spend days hiding in a cloud."

"That… That sounds unsettlingly like drugs." I grimaced a little. "Like addictive."

"I don't think that it was addictive ." Spinel patted my head and I softened instantly. Damn, I really am a sucker for this girl, huh? "It just… I was too upset to do anything about it, sometimes for no reason. I would have episodes where I would-" Spinel looked nervous suddenly.

"You don't have to tell me." I reassured her, feeling a twinge of uncertainty. I still wanted to know, of course, but that was her choice.

Rule one of any kind of relationship; anything that is shared is the choice of the person who is sharing.

One of the smartest things Jack had ever said to me.

"I wanna. It's just… scary." She exhaled slowly. "I… I never seriously wanted to do it, but I would just… in my mind play out scenarios where I would… shatter myself."

"Oh god." I shivered, and her embrace tightened a little. That was scary.

"It scared me real bad though, when I had those, and I spent time in the clouds to stop em… And then White figured out that I was havin problems and we had a long talk, and it made me feel safer, but… I kept not feeling "right" in Homeworld. Like I wanted a change. So I started visiting down here. And the visits got longer, and now… I guess it's backwards, eheh. I visit Homeworld on occasion but I live down here."

"So… You left because you needed a change?" I suggested.

"I needed a change, but I also needed space. Ironic, huh? I'm terrified of being abandoned or alone, made to entertain and be a friend, but I felt smothered ."

"I uh, can relate actually." I admitted weakly. "I still… Have issues. With attention. I really like being the center of attention. But after… Peony, my friends were uh, maybe a little too protective?"

"She did kinda…" Spinel made a nervous gesture.

"Yeah. No. I probably should have gone to the hospital after a few of our… uh… altercations ." I winced.

Spinel pet me softly. "You mean when she attacked you."

"Yeah. It's hard for me to… say that sometimes. Some days I can say it without any problem though." I shifted a little. "But I still have those issues where I start feeling awful if no one notices me around." I laughed sadly. "It's a weird thing. I can't be alone for too long or I start having issues, but too much time around people and I feel almost as bad.

Spinel nodded, and smooched the top of my head and I just about melted.

"Guess we're more alike than I thought." She hummed, nestling against me further. She blinked, pausing as she rested against my head. "Whoa. Your hair is… super soft."

"I use conditioner." I shrugged. "On the bright side I guess I don't have to worry about going grey when I get older."

"That's a thing that humans do?"

"Mm. I don't know exactly how it works. But the color fades to grey, and then to white as we age." I tipped my head back. "A lot of things change as we get older. Oh! I think I have an idea you'll like." I grinned, gently pulling away from Spinel. "One sec!"

I darted to my laptop, pulling it over and flipping it open. Spinel looked bemused as I clicked around, until I found an old folder.

"Most of these were from my friends and their families." I explained, opening it. "Ta-da! Little Ying!"

The folder was full of pictures. Of me and the others when we were young. Most of them were taken after I had run away from home, but there were a few where I recalled that I was still with mom and dad.

Spinel blinked. "Wait, wait, wait… Oh gee, you changed so much!" She kept looking back and forth between a picture of me, and the actual me sitting next to her.

"Yep." I laughed at her shocked face. "I told you. We grow up."

"So… well first of all, I have now learned that you've always been cute." She giggled, nudging me. I nudged back, trying to hide my blush.

"Hm, hm… You look happy in these."

"I was, mostly." I shrugged weakly. "Technically, Sunny's parents ended up adopting me, but it was usually easier for me to just stay with whichever friend that the adults needed me to." I laughed a bit. "I think none of them were quite sure how to deal with… me, so they all split it between them. The twins' parents, Sunny's, Zach's grandparents, Tex's mom, all of them were really helpful in… just helping me fix my issues."

I grimaced. "Then Peony. That, that kind of threw me off the track to recovery."

Spinel hummed, scowling. "If I see her again, I might just attack her."

"Please don't. She's not worth it." I squeezed Spinel's arm a little. She looked almost a little feral when she was angry.

I couldn't lie, it was sort of alluring that she was willing to be violent to protect me. Was that a bad thing? Ohhh, that was a bad thing, wasn't it?

"Fine." She huffed, flopping over the couch. "I won't hurt anyone. I will definitely drag her out of Little Homeworld if I see her though."

"That's a reasonable compromise." I exhaled slowly.

Spinel nestled into me softly, and for a while, we said nothing, just cuddled together in silence.

"How does your back feel?" She asked after a while.

"It aches still, but less." I shrugged. "It's better every day. I uh, still seem to be zapping myself occasionally though."

"Yikes. Is it a bad zap?"

"No, just static shocks." I shrugged. "Small ones. They mostly just startle me."

"Weird." Spinel frowned. "You haven't noticed anything else?"

"Not yet." I shook my head. "But I'll keep an eye out."

"Good." Spinel exhaled. "I think I like ya just bein' you. And I bet ya've had enough weirdness for a lifetime this week."

"Yeah. I'll be okay. I'm sure nothing crazy will happen."

I stood outside, staring blankly at the ground, where there were scorch marks in the grass.

"Shit."

I had just shot lightning from my hand somehow.

"I should probably get help." I mumbled uncertainly. The problem was, I was afraid to move.

This day had gone from good to pretty bad.