A/N: This is New Moon through mid-Eclipse from Edward's perspective. Thanks for reading!

These characters are not mine and all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Thank you so much to my reviewers!

Clawer96, ReeceK, JerinAnn, BruSwan, losberbisque-1, myspunkette, porkiswayne, LlasaApsoFriend4Ever, and my guest reviewer!

Volterra I: Request (New Moon)

I was almost comforted seeing the dark city on the hill. Almost.

I'd never been to Volterra, but I knew it well from Carlisle's memories. I knew of the Volturi's three leaders, particularly Aro. I knew of their wives, their guard.

I knew that visiting vampires were welcome, so long as they politely used the designated entrance accessible by a handful of grate-covered drainage holes.

So, of course, I decided to use the front door.

"I need to speak to Aro," I barked at the young receptionist in Italian. "Immediately."

He trembled and averted his eyes from my face. Aro? Who the hell is Aro...

They knew I was here. They watched me, confused, through their surveillance cameras. What were they waiting for?

Someone was on her way to redirect me. A human.

I turned to stare at the door behind the receptionist to the left. A moment later the human woman walked through it.

The man's head whipped between me and the door, confused. How did he know...?

"Welcome, welcome," the woman greeted me warmly before turning back to the man. "I'm so sorry, Tommaso, I forgot to mention to you that one of our VIP clients would be arriving late. I'll take it from here." She held out her hand to me. "I'm Gianna."

I glared at her hand before meeting her eyes again. "I need to see Aro right away."

Not with that attitude, you won't. But her smile widened. "Right this way."

Gianna knew what I was but she had no fear as I walked behind her. She led me through a hallway to an elevator.

Two vampires in gray robes stood staring at the elevator door as if they were merely waiting for it to arrive, but I knew they were here because of me. One was taller than Emmett and just as muscled. The other was slight and child-like and shorter than Alice.

"Good evening, Gianna," the tall male remarked, winking at her. His eyes roamed over her body. From his vile thoughts, I could hear that he used human women to soothe both of his appetites.

Gianna blushed. "Felix."

The little female rolled her eyes.

I wondered why she was here. Surely she had some defensive gift.

Shut in the elevator, I considered attacking the little vampire. Felix would likely defend her and I would fight back only enough to make him think I was resisting.

Maybe not... I could hear their orders in the little one's head. Aro wanted me alive. Apparently her talent would facilitate that if I was aggressive.

I searched for Aro. He wasn't hard to find.

Beyond simple curiosity, he wanted to make sure that I wasn't the tip of the iceberg of some greater threat. Or perhaps my urgency was in good faith and I meant to warn him of a coming danger.

We stepped off the elevator and Gianna led me into another reception area with the two vampires on my heels. A third vampire was waiting for us. This one I recognized. Carlisle had known him.

"Jane, Felix, Gianna," Demetri greeted them.

Jane. That was the small female's name. Carlisle never met her - she was kept quite busy with errands during the time he spent in Volterra - but he knew of her gift, if you could call it that. I wondered if her talent would be enough to distract me from the madness in my head. Maybe. But I didn't want distraction - anything that prolonged my life was unwelcome.

Gianna continued to her desk across the room as Demetri subtly stepped into my path.

"Welcome. You've shaken up the hive tonight," Demetri informed me, no hint of defensiveness in his tone. "We ask that our kind avoid the main entrance, you see. Can I ask who - "

"Take me to Aro," I ordered.

Demetri politely kept the amusement off of his face, but behind me Felix chuckled.

Imbecile, Felix thought.

Jane had an itch to teach me some respect, but refrained, not wanting to displease her masters.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible just now. Aro's a little tied up at the moment," Demetri hedged. "In the mean time, maybe you could tell me your name and clarify your purpose here - "

"Tell Aro to make time for Carlisle Cullen's son," I said through my teeth.

Demetri blinked.

Carlisle?

Carlisle Cullen's son?

A chorus of thoughts fell upon me. Many surprised to hear the name of their old acquaintance or friend.

Others, like Felix scoffed at my namedropping of this unknown entity.

But I only cared about Aro's reaction. He was delighted and curious.

"I will certainly make time for Carlisle's son," Aro remarked. "Let's welcome our guest in the library, shall we?"

The library was vast with high ceilings that rose to a point like a church. Its windowless walls were decorated with towering pieces of artwork and dull, orange-hued lanterns.

Demetri, Felix, and Jane joined other members of the guard waiting there, encircling me. I presented no real threat to the them and they were annoyed Aro was obliging me. It wasn't a good time. St. Marcus Day was tomorrow. A city holiday and festival that would draw thousands of humans. There were preparations that needed attending to.

A couple of the guard looked upon me with curiosity. A boy, who I guessed must be Alec given his resemblance to Jane, felt sympathy, seeing the unchecked anguish twisting my features.

No one said anything as we waited. Minutes passed, though they felt like hours, before the guard stiffened, hearing Aro's whisper soft approach.

He arrived through a stone archway centered in the opposite wall at the far end of the library. Gliding with unparalleled grace, he moved at a regal, human clip, his chin held high. I recognized his dark hair, his strange skin.

The grandness of his entrance was no mistake. He fancied himself something of a beloved, benevolent king and put forth a great effort to project that image. He would want Carlisle's son to pass on only the best impression of his old friend.

I was beyond being impressed by anything, but even in better times, this little act of self-aggrandizing would have only served to irritate me.

Aro was trailed by a vampire I recognized as Renata, his bodyguard with a gift for repelling enemies. She did not share the rest of the guard's nonchalance. Her eyes darted anxiously from the back of Aro's head to me.

He stopped when he was about ten feet away and the guards directly between us shuffled slightly to either side to allow him a direct line of sight.

Aro's intense gaze studied me so thoroughly, had I not been able to hear his thoughts, I would have thought him attracted to me. As it was, he found me immensely pleasurable to look at. Quite beautiful... Has there ever been a man so beautiful? Carlisle's son... How wonderful...

"It appears you know my name already." He smiled. "Would you mind sharing yours?"

"Edward Cullen."

"Edward Cullen," he repeated. Lovely. "And you are Carlisle's son? His creation?"

"Yes."

"Son," he said again. "Yes that is very like Carlisle to have a son rather than a creation..." He looked up suddenly from his musing. "Is my dear friend Carlisle alright? I will gladly send help to him if he is in need."

"He's well."

"I'm so glad to hear it." Truly, he was. "Now, Edward, I can see all is not well with you. Why have you come to see me today?"

"I wish to die." My voice was low and coarse. "Destroy me. I beg you."

Murmurs danced around the circle. Glances were exchanged.

Beyond mad.

Is he joking?

Well, that's a new one.

Aro's eyes widened. He resisted the image I put in his head, hating the idea of destroying anything so beautiful.

"Why?" he whispered, fascinated.

"I killed her," I whispered back.

"Killed who?"

"I - I - " I collapsed onto my knees and several people gasped. "I'm too late. I killed her." I wrapped my arms around my torso, trying to smother the sobs breaking the surface. I wasn't doing myself any favors. I was only prolonging my life.

Aro was transfixed by my crumpled form. So much like Marcus after Didyme...

Marcus, another of the three leaders. Carlisle said his wife - Aro's sister - vanished, never to be found.

"This... woman. You loved her?" Aro asked.

Nodding, I tried to steady my breathing and will myself to say the words.

But I couldn't.

Still looking down, I thrusted my hand out in front of me, palm up. "Please."

He understood the gesture, unsurprised I knew of his gift, and he was pleased. He wanted to understand my tale. He wanted to know everything about his old friend Carlisle.

His guard moved in tighter as he approached me. Lightly, he touched his hand to mine.

"Dear God!" He jumped backwards at once, repelled by my festering thoughts.

At the same time, I was restrained, every member of the guard wary now. Felix was poised to tear me apart - just waiting for the signal.

I was disappointed when Aro hastily insisted, "Release him. Release him."

"But, Master - "

"Release him. He's not harmed me." Not intentionally.

He thought he'd braced himself, having endured Marcus's grief, his own grief... There was a flash of a woman's face I assumed was Didyme. "His thoughts are very troubled. It's difficult to hear..."

Felix let go of me and I immediately fell to my knees again.

So gifted. How did Carlisle find him? How did I not find him first?

Is there trouble, Master? Renata asked him, her fingertips already against his shoulder. Has he come to warn us?

"No. No, dear Renata. The burden is his alone. So alone...

"How rude of me to end our conversation so abruptly, Edward. You took me by surprise with... Well, I needn't explain. You already know." He looked away from my crazed eyes to the members of his guard. "We have another mind reader in our midst. Every thought. Every thought for miles around in real time. Incredible..."

The guard, so used to Aro's intrusion into their minds, was unconcerned. Besides, even if I had gleaned something of value, I'd be dead soon.

"I'm... well, I'm a little... embarrassed, to be honest. What a peculiar feeling." Aro chuckled. "The vulnerability - it's something completely new to me. You see, I've met few like us and their abilities are far weaker than ours. Mere impressions at best. But the crystal clarity... I never imagined I would encounter it in another."

Giddy. My talent made him giddy.

"Please, would you let me hear the rest of the story now?" He asked, raising his hand tentatively. "I promise I won't be as insensitive this time."

"Please," I said again.

His hand closed around mine.

Had I not been merely a wasted collection of cells by this point, I would have been fascinated witnessing Aro's gift at work. Fascinated, yet terrified. His mind was a thousand times more powerful than my own - similar to an immortal beside a mortal. Overall, he worked backwards from the present moment, but he seemed capable of manipulating my thoughts in other ways as well. I couldn't fathom how he processed and stored everything so quickly.

Everything. Every stray thought, tedious or otherwise. He flipped through the thoughts so quickly, I heard only a small fraction of what he was collecting. Mostly, I caught the things he was most interested in as his mind would linger a second to muse or reconsider something.

There were many of these instances. I got the impression there were few minds, if any, he'd enjoyed foraging through more.

Bella, Bella, Bella...

I could see the way my mind had warped since that January day, more than a year ago, when she walked into my life. I'd gone from being a fairly well-balanced person, self-loathing tucked quietly on the back burner, to a walking disaster. Every morsel Aro read dripped with devotion and obsession, anxiety and agony. Joy was there, too. Joy like I'd never known it. It was a knife in my heart now.

He was stunned to learn of her silence. Regretful he hadn't had a chance to try his hand at hearing her. Regretful he couldn't learn more about her strange peculiarity, the mechanism behind it. Regretful he couldn't smell her fragrant blood for himself.

Regretful I hadn't just let the venom spread.

Though my gift was most compelling, he admired my control as well. He thought it more than a touch ridiculous I hadn't just indulged myself, lured her away and drank her blood - he could have avoided all this pain; but then Alice thought he would not do so well after that and I can see why, given his hero worship of Carlisle - but the fact that I had resisted her blood... every thought laid out and he still couldn't understand how I'd done it. How I'd stopped that day James bit her.

And I'd resisted more than her blood. He could read every escalating note of lust, but also my staunch commitment to deny it. To leave her human and never fully know her. Ridiculous. Ridiculous when Carlisle could have so easily changed her for me.

He was impressed by smaller things, too. My speed - how I'd turned invisible with it the day I saved her in the parking lot. My music. My intelligence. Again, my beauty and the attention it brought. Attention I was unmoved by. Attention I resented as it was my beauty, in part, that had drawn Carlisle to me, to Rosalie. It did more harm than good.

Carlisle. His meek friend Carlisle. Oh, how he'd misjudged his friend! It comforted him to see Carlisle still kind and steady. Even his gold eyes... such a comfort. And Esme - there couldn't be a more perfect match for him. Another gentle spirit.

And yet... what meekness had brought him! The bonds of his coven. The talent! The size! Emmett's strength and Rosalie's beauty - a lovely icing on the cake. A cake layered with Jasper's skilled manipulations, my mind reading, and most of all...

Alice.

Never had he imagined an Alice. He lingered longest on Alice. Her many feats. The complimentary way that she and I worked. Mesmerized, he studied our rescue of Bella in Phoenix.

There were things in my thoughts that absolutely tickled him. The Quileute wolves, my time spent hunting humans, Victoria - she'd evaded the Volturi as well and he presumed she had some sort of gift. He pitied me for the way Carlisle had changed me - how it had resulted in a longer transformation.

And then there was a shift. The tenor changed - it was my human voice...

The thoughts were muddy at first, tied up in the exhaustion and confusion of illness, but there was a moment of clarity. Carlisle holding my hand as he told me my mother had died.

Before the muddiness was my home, our neighborhood - I knew these well, I'd been there since.

I was something of a Mike Newton at my all boys private school. A more upstanding version. Well-liked, perfect grades, athletic. I was given responsibilities beyond those of other students. There was my music, there was church. But most of all there was that drive to fight for my country. To be part of something much bigger than myself.

I could see my father. He'd brought the disease home to us. I could remember now that he'd been frequently away for work... work and other things. Other things I'd somehow known before I smelled their perfume on him or saw their lace handkerchiefs sticking out of his pockets. He'd guessed at my knowledge, but it was my judgement that he hated me for.

My mother. Though her face was not as crisp as it was in Carlisle's memory, in mine it was warm and happy. Healthy. She adored me. She spoiled me.

But Aro saw more than motherly love. He flitted back to the memory Carlisle had shared with me of my mother pleading...

"Save him... You must." Her grip was tight on his hand. "You must do everything in your power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward."

Aro moved back to my human memories, examining my mother's unique ability to make things right. To say just the right thing when I was upset. To satisfy my wants and needs before I'd had a chance - or was old enough - to articulate them. Always after taking my hand or pressing her cheek to the top of my head or twining her arm through mine...

Aro regretted that he had not found her. Such a powerful talent as a mere human... We've been missing so much. So much since Eleazar departed. He tried not to think of his desire to call Eleazar back or his concern that Eleazar, living in a family as tightly bonded as mine now, would no longer be willing to come back.

A very long time passed before he heard everything. All of my thoughts and all of the thoughts I had ever heard. His guard grew restless - this was usually a much faster process.

He finally opened his eyes, but he did not release my hand.

But you wish to die, he thought sadly.

"Yes," I whispered. You see it is the only way for me now.

But he did not see that. He saw much more for me.

"Romeo," he sighed. "Sad young Romeo..." So badly, I wished you had listened to Alice, to Carlisle. I don't like this...

Damaged. He didn't like that the goods he wanted had been damaged beyond repair.

No, no. Not goods. You're an individual, dear Edward. I see that. I crave that. I don't want pawns.

I didn't really care what he wanted. There was nothing in the world except for what I wanted and that was death.

Only a human... he mused. At my annoyance, he offered, Don't get me wrong, we were all humans once, weren't we? But we had no value until we were fully realized. My wife, my Sulpicia, I found her when she was human. Courted her and she wished to join me. Can you guess why I chose a human?

I really had no desire to.

Of course not... Well, you see, just like your Bella, she forgot everything else. Her mother and father, her friends, her community - they all became secondary. Secondary to my devotion, yes, but also to the promise of a different kind of life. That of of a goddess. Beauty, immortality, intelligence, fortune... My Sulpicia loved me very much, but more than that she loved the idea of what I could give her.

And so did your Bella. She would have been unwaveringly loyal...

Go to hell.

He laughed. I don't mean to add insult to injury. It's just that I have seen many humans who worship our kind. Many who have come begging for eternal life. None of them do it for love. I point this out not to hurt you, but to present the idea that perhaps there is some form of true love - rather than obsession - that could still be found among our kind. I could help find you a match - I hear your doubt. How could you love again? But didn't your brother Jasper find his Alice after his intimate companionship with Maria? Yes, yes, I hear that your love for your Bella was much more than that. But how real was her love for you? She let you leave her so easily...

It doesn't matter. She's gone now. And I want to die.

But your family... Your father. You love him nearly as much as the girl. I admit, I love him, too. You see, I brought you to the library because Carlisle spent so much of his time here. We spent days and days in discussion in this very room. Once we discussed a philosophical point for a solid week! I miss him greatly... I would not want our next visit to be a death announcement.

Felix could do it. He wants to. We could go somewhere far away, I suggested. No one would be the wiser. Carlisle would have no reason to suspect your involvement.

Again there was the flash of Didyme's face, this time twisted in pain. A swirl of purple smoke. Guilt.

His voice, more authoritative now, carried a sharp disapproving edge. "That is not the kind of business we conduct here."

I could leave a note for him, then. Something to absolve you.

His defensiveness slipped away as fast as it arrived.

I pity you, Edward, I do. So much like Marcus. I know his pain well. It is also my own and how little it has faded over time. I feel so much... guilt that I had not protected her better. I imagine Didyme's pain, her last moments... He shuddered then quickly shook his head before the guard could overreact. I do understand. My Sulpicia, I keep her well guarded. I protect her from the outside world. Caius's Athenodora, as well.

But you... you left Bella human. Left her unprotected with all of the vulnerabilities of mortality. If you could leave her, then, I believe you can let her go enough to continue on. Marcus continues to serve with us after losing an immortal mate.

God, the nonsense... How had Carlisle put up with him for so long?

I see my attempts at argument are doing me no favors... You share Carlisle's stubbornness. "I must confer with my brothers," he said quietly. "We will consider your request."

I was led out through a different entrance, a tunnel that extended out from the city and ended in the cellar of a small, ancient church built into a hillside. It was the passage they used for their unwitting victims. Aro specifically asked I be taken at least five kilometers out so as not to hear their deliberations.

As my wait stretched into hours, I wished, not for the first time, that it would have been possible to go to Jasper without Alice knowing. He wouldn't have wanted to hurt her or the others by killing me, but I was convinced that if I made it into his orbit, he would have had mercy.

It was still dark when they finally summoned me. I heard their decision before I reached them, but I felt confident I could move them still. Marcus was a yes. Caius and Aro a no. Caius would be my target.

It wasn't the library the guard escorted me to this time, but rather the turret. The round room was large and smelled of human blood. I knew this was both where they dined and where they heard the cases of suspected criminals - Carlisle had spent very little time here.

I could hear that Caius had insisted on using this space for our meeting given my past recklessness. He resented treating me as a guest as Aro had.

The three leaders were situated on the lone pieces of furniture: thrones. Aro's was at the center.

Most of the guard from our first meeting had returned along with two additions.

I recognized one of them as Charmion, a female with the ability to form and weaken bonds between individuals. Carlisle suspected that Aro, hearing his intention to part ways, had used Charmion's talents to prolong his stay. It worked for a while, but eventually Carlisle was too put off by the Volturi's lifestyle. That, combined with his desire to find others who shared his philosophy, made him strong enough to leave.

I knew very well why she was in the turret this morning.

The other addition was Corin. Tall and robust, with flowing blonde hair down to her knees, she gazed at me with a reassuring smile. I was not ignorant of her talent, either. It was not so different from Jasper's only hers was more druglike. Induced contentment.

I wasn't entirely immune. I felt numbed. Slightly more hollow than speared at the moment. Even as I knew I was under her influence, it allowed me to feel optimistic that I would sway Caius.

"Edward!" Aro smiled. "Welcome back, young friend!"

I stared at him flatly.

"Of course you know these are my brothers and I've told them all about you."

Marcus stared up at the large arrow-shaped windows, thinking of his Didyme. Caius glared at me, agitated I'd given Aro a reason to take hostage his entire night and morning.

"You've decided not to grant my request," I stated.

My knowledge didn't surprise him. He merely hoped that I might join in his pleasantries.

Right to business then... "No. However - "

"But I've broken the law," I appealed to Caius over Aro's shoulder. "I flouted my speed, my strength, my skin. I told... her everything. About our nature, how we're made. I even told her about you. And on my way here, others saw me. They saw me running."

Caius twitched. Aro had told him about my trespasses - at least those to do with the girl - but hearing the account come out of my mouth like a boast had him reconsidering his stance.

"But," Aro held up one cautioning hand toward his brother and one towards me, "they didn't believe what they saw, as you heard yourself, Edward. And as for Bella..." he inclined his head apologetically when I grimaced, "well..."

"Caius thinks I will offend again," I said when I could find my voice. "If I was so liberal with one human, what's to say I won't be with another?"

Caius's eyes narrowed. "My vote has not changed. We are not servants. So, we grant your request. Word gets around. Suddenly we are flocked with deranged vampires threatening our peaceful life here."

"Peaceful life," I muttered derisively, shooting a glare at the drainage grate, the one I knew they lifted to dispose of the bodies.

Caius ground his teeth. The flagrant disrespect. And the judgement... yes, certainly Carlisle's son.

He wasn't the only one offended by my degrading view of their lifestyle. Several members of the guard shot silent insults at me.

"Marcus," I said softly. "Please. You understand."

He slowly turned his head to look at me and shrugged. I voted in your favor. They will do as they will. He continued to stare at me, but he wasn't seeing me anymore. Inspiring any advocacy in him was a lost cause.

"Edward, Edward," Aro said in soothing tones. "Please let me finish because, if my brothers have been successful in minding their thoughts, I do have a bit of good news for you." He spoke quickly, knowing his thoughts would outpace his words. "We'd like to offer you a place among our guard. An honor, as you well know. Your gift would be quite valuable to us."

I laughed. It was a sick, mocking thing.

Indignant gasps and huffs echoed from the stone walls.

Aro rose from his chair and paced closer. His tone was hypnotic, compelling. "You no longer belong to the girl. You can no longer belong to Carlisle - her memory is weaved into that family. So... belong to me. Have purpose again. Have meaning. I will respect your lifestyle choices." More so than I did for Carlisle, he added guiltily, thinking of his attempts to lure Carlisle out of vegetarianism.

"Think of Bella, Edward. She told you, whatever happens to her, 'you are not allowed to hurt yourself!'"

"Don't act like you're doing this for anyone but yourself," I snarled. "Don't use her name for your bidding. You didn't know her."

"No. I didn't." He nodded thoughtfully. "But I do know Carlisle. Can you tell me I'm not sparing you, in part, for him?" Be honest.

He did care about Carlisle. It felt cruel to him to kill the gentle vampire's favorite son. And Alice. He could not burn the bridge to her by destroying her precious brother.

"If you will not join us, go home to Carlisle. Go to your cousins. Perhaps Tanya could offer you a form of comfort..."

I hissed at his crude suggestion.

"But do consider my invitation open. It won't expire. You can take all the time you need - "

"Will you join us today or not?" Caius demanded, interrupting his brother.

I shot a mocking grin at Charmion - or it seemed she went by Chelsea now - where she stood attempting to wield her magic, before looking up at Caius.

"Hmm," I sighed, touching my face in mock contemplation. "Do I want to be your lapdog? Well, I certainly will need time to consider that one. Such a tempting offer..."

The room was deathly silent. At odds with the furious thoughts striking me like arrows.

But Aro chuckled. You amuse me greatly. "I so wish you would join us. Even if just for your company alone. I find you... captivating."

He was the only one who thought so.

I held out my hand to him. "You're going to have to do it anyway. Today is not convenient for a public display. End it here. Clean and controlled."

Aro didn't take my hand. He knew I meant it and he didn't want to hear more of my misery.

"It would be wasteful to destroy you."

"It will still be wasteful in an hour," I growled.

"I'm afraid our decision is final."

The words had not fully left his mouth when I turned my back to him and strode out.

Red flags and red hats. The streets were alive, even at the early hour, with workers setting up the festivities, patrolling police officers, and families arriving early to beat the rush. Rows of vendor carts sold more red fare, water bottles, fresh gnocco fritto.

The red was fitting. It was the color streaked across my vision. The violence I tasted on my tongue.

I considered a hundred ways to provoke the Volturi before I landed on the one that felt right.

Most of all, I wanted to die. But I learned an angry, tortured heart was vast. Vast enough that it allowed for my desire to expose the Volturi's entire operation simply to humiliate Aro and Caius.

It allowed for my desire to send a massive neon sign of a message to my creator.

The anger I felt towards the Volturi was nothing beside the rage I felt towards Carlisle for ripping me from my grave and dragging me into this life. The first domino to fall in a long line that would end in Bella's death.

Maybe Alice would tell him. Or maybe she would lie to him and it would be years before he learned. But one day Carlisle would know what I had done and he would know it was his fault.

The guard was out in force, lurking and waiting for me to make my move. I'd have to be strategic. Line myself up so I could inflict the most damage, attract the most attention.

There was a narrow street lined with shops. Queues for the vendor carts stretched along it and none of the guard was stationed there.

I estimated, if my goal were not to entirely drain them, I could feed from at least ten people before the Volturi realized what I was doing and tried to stop me. By that time, screams would erupt and the crowd would run, scurrying. It was near impossible that the guard would be able to track down every last one of the fleeing witnesses before they shared their story...

I used the guard's expectations to my advantage. They believed I would strike in the main square where the largest number of people had gathered. I kept my eyes directed that way, never allowing myself to look towards the narrow street that was my true target.

I took a deep breath, preparing to strike -

"Excuse me?" Someone tapped my shoulder. When I ignore him, he said again, "Excuse me?"

Confused and annoyed I turned towards the nuisance.

"What?" I snapped at the man.

Poor guy. Probably starving. "Here." He pressed a small paper food tray and a water bottle into my hands. "God bless." He joined the long queue again, having just given up his breakfast.

I watched after him bewildered.

Abruptly I dropped the items he'd handed me and with them went my plan to dress the streets in blood. The man had thought I was homeless and for some reason I could not explain to myself, that bothered me.

I snuck into the store room of a clothing store accessible through the alleyway and found myself a clean white shirt and pants. I knew all of the hotels in town would be booked up, but I wandered into one anyway. When no one was watching I snuck upstairs and picked the lock of a room recently vacated.

Salt and grime from the sea streamed from my skin and hair. Preparing the body... I couldn't remember the last time I'd showered.

Demetri was in the hotel, stalking my movements, but I didn't care. My fever had broken.

I wasn't angry at Carlisle anymore. He'd warned me, after all. Initially, he'd encouraged me to leave. I didn't. When I was in too deep, he'd encouraged me to stay. I didn't.

Aro. Caius. I just didn't have the energy to keep up my anger at them. I was tired, weary. The pain was near-crippling and only getting worse. I just wanted out.

I would give them no other choice - they would have to end me - but I would make it simple for them. A clean, covert job so long as they obliged me.

In meeting with their expectations, I would use the main plaza for my act of defiance. It was perfect after all. Already hundreds had gathered there. By noon, with the sun at its highest, there would be more than a thousand.

I would step out into the sunlight, flaunting my disease, and they would overwhelm me. A flash of heat and I'd be only a memory. I smiled at the prospect.

Before the sun could make an island of my desired hiding place, I followed the shadows and situated myself in the narrow alleyway to the right of the giant clock tower along the northern edge of the plaza.

Fulfilling my own last request, I sank to the ground, my back against the brick passage wall, and recalled the first day, the most perfect day of my life.

My eyes closed and the corners of my lips turned up remembering the way she opened Charlie's front door for me so enthusiastically it banged against the wall. She hadn't seemed to notice, lost in a peaceful daze as she stared into my eyes...

I lost the voices - mental and otherwise - swelling in the square. Gone, too, were the louder thoughts of the guard.

It was just me and Bella. On the highway, at the pavement's end, in the overgrown forest. I batted away the hopeless thoughts that tried to intrude, the ones that begged me to abandon my fanciful reminiscing and just get on with it.

As we got closer to the meadow, I felt myself warming. Like the beating heart of the memory was real and vital. It grew louder.

The clock tower tolled. The boom reverberated through the brick and rattled my bones.

"Edward!"

The memory got ahead of itself. Bella should have been in the dark of the forest with me still. Already she was running to me, worried for me, not understanding the prisms on my skin.

I smiled. My imagined Bellas were usually more predictable.

Again the clock tolled.

"Edward!" She kept screaming out to me, willing me to join her.

I laughed quietly at her insistence and then I sighed wistfully. I'm coming, Bella.

The clock tolled as I got slowly to my feet.

Bella stood glowing in the meadow, drinking in its beauty. The image didn't match her voice, strained and breathless, still calling out to me. The clock tolled.

A gust of wind set the wildflowers fluttering. It lifted her hair, her fragrance. The memory was so vivid it set my throat burning. A soft, involuntary groan escaped me at the unexpected pain. The clock tolled.

Slowly, I undid the buttons of my shirt, still listening to her rasping cries. Cries that grew louder as the burn clawed more fiercely at my throat. I welcomed this new depth of madness. The clock tolled.

I took two steps, my eyes still closed, bringing myself closer to the mouth of the alleyway, closer to Bella urging me into the meadow. The clock tolled.

I let my shirt fall from my shoulders and pulled my hands out of the sleeves, one at a time. It slipped to the ground as the clock tolled.

In my final seconds, I savored her divine scent, the growing ache in my throat, the memory of her booming heart.

But again there was contradiction. While her full lips framed a warm smile of invitation - one that said, yes, Edward, join me now - her voice was desperate and pleading, in harmony with the next weeping chime of the clock. "Edward, no!" she shrieked.

It's time, Bella, I thought ignoring her despairing appeals and focusing only on her face. I love you, Bella.

The clock tolled as I took a large stride forward, feeling, for all the world, rightness. Every sense was aflame with the ghost of her. It felt so real. So real it gave me hope that maybe she was waiting for me on the other side, calling to me from the heavens. That maybe I would be allowed one small glimpse of her to know she was whole and well and happy before I settled into my nothingness.

"No! Edward, look at me!"

I smiled slightly. I'm looking, Bella. I'll be right there. I could sense her moving towards me. To meet me. To welcome me. I lifted my foot.

And then I felt her. Sudden heat and pressure against my chest. The gust of her breath, as the roughness of her collision forced it from her lungs. My arms shot out automatically to catch her.

So real. Too real.

Hope swelled in my chest, suffocating me. I slowly opened my eyes as the clock tolled again.

"Amazing. Carlisle was right."

A/N: Up next... Edward realizes, well, a lot of things.