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Clary lay on the cot in the back room and stared at the ceiling. She and Gran had spent so much of the day napping she feared she'd never fall asleep. Especially now that she had all her texts to Jace to be embarrassed about. He was going to think she was so needy. The one night he had plans and she couldn't seem to leave him alone even for a few hours.
It started out innocent enough. She'd made the dessert tonight because Gran would have been suspicious if she hadn't. Then she'd texted Jace because she figured she couldn't take it all home anyway, so she might as well share. She could have shared with anyone, but she really didn't want their casual goodbye in front of Gran today to be their last contact.
When he hadn't answered after a couple hours she started thinking maybe he was already back to his hotel room and just thought he would wake her, so she sent a text saying time didn't matter.
As soon as she hit send, she realized he might not want to come see her. After all, she'd practically thrown herself at him in the hospital and he'd had to physically back away from her to avoid being attacked. She didn't want him to feel like that again, so she sent another quick text letting him know it was up to him.
That's when she'd started feeling crazy. Who texts someone three times about a stupid dessert. Jace was going to think she was obsessed. Then a much more terrible thought occurred to her… what if he'd already come back to his room and he wasn't alone? She didn't know what plans he'd had. There was no reason to think it wasn't a date. Just because he wasn't interested in her anymore didn't mean he wasn't interested in anyone. He could be having sex with someone else right now! And when he finished he'd look at his phone and see how pathetic and desperate she was!
Suddenly never seeing Jace again didn't seem like such a bad thing. It actually seemed like a great idea! He could go back to his life in New York and forget the crazy stalker girl in Kentucky and she could spend the rest of her days as an old maid pining away over the sexy caring friend from New York she'd scared off.
She sent one last text urging him not to buy into her crazy and wishing him a nice life, then she tossed her phone onto the small desk that was the only other furniture in the room and threw her arm over her eyes in an attempt to block out the light.
Her regrets went much further back than today. Why hadn't she listened to Simon when he suggested she blow off some steam? The memory of a night with Jace could have held her over until she was ready to start a long term relationship with somebody else someday.
Just thinking what that would have been like had Clary wetter than she'd been in quite some time. She didn't have any toys with her, but there weren't any cameras in the back room. Maybe if she closed her eyes, she could imagine it was his hands touching her and not her own.
She reached her left hand down to her core, getting her fingers nice and wet. Then she moved her hand back up a bit, using the first two fingers to kneed her swollen clitoris. It felt good, but she needed something to distract herself from the pleasure. It was too intense. She used her right hand to pinch one of her nipples pretending it was his teeth tugging at her sensitive bud. It was just enough of a distraction to make her breathing uneven as she sped up the ministrations of her fingers.
She pictured running her hands over his flexed pectorals and gripping his hips with her thighs as he hovered over her and brought her pleasure with his long strong fingers and his sexy amazing mouth.
Clary was panting now; hanging on the edge of her orgasm as she pictured running her hand down from his perfect chest over his rock hard abs and grabbing his Goliath in her hand as he pumped his long fingers in and out of her. She had just begun shaking uncontrollably with the best orgasm of her life when the ring of her phone caused her to jump.
Her first thought was that Gran might have fallen again, so she answered the phone breathlessly without taking time to check the id.
"Hello?"
"Hi." The voice was Jaces and Clary felt her heart skip a beat before he said, "were you running?"
"Jace," his name came out more like an exhale than a word. Clary was glad he couldn't see her as she knew she must have been turning crimson. "Sorry about all the texts," she mumbled, avoiding the question altogether.
"Don't be sorry!" Jace said. "Does the offer still stand? I'm in the office with lasagna."
"Oh!" She said, finally getting her breathing regulated. "I'll be right out."
Clary rushed to the attached kitchen to wash her hands and splash water on her face for a second, trying to calm down a little. It didn't do much for her flushed skin, so she gave up and headed to the front, hoping Jace would attribute her color to the heater that was cranked up to compensate for the crisp November temperatures.
Jace was standing on the other side of the counter blatantly staring at her, and Clary felt super self conscious. There's no way he could know what she'd been doing, right? The more he stared the more self conscious she felt. Maybe her hair was a mess from squirming around. She grabbed a pen off the desk and twisted her hair up into a knot, hoping it didn't look too crazy. Jace still didn't look away as she used her hands to try to smooth down the curly bumps she knew were probably sticking up everywhere.
"I must look frightful," she said, trying to break the tension. She fiddled around tidying things up, and trying to distract herself from her nerves.
Jace finally looked away and cleared his throat. "No. I mean. Uh. You look great." Jace was rubbing the back of his neck with the hand that wasn't holding leftovers. Clary had noticed him do that before when he paid her a compliment. She now realized that was probably his tell that he was lying. She looked away without meeting his eyes, now more embarrassed than ever.
"I'll get the dessert!" Clary said, practically running to the back room to hide.
Safely hidden from view, Clary leaned against the back door. 'Get it together!' She scolded herself.
Clary stayed in that position for several minutes, trying to control her breathing and push back all the negative thoughts about herself that were bombarding her mind. Why did he have to be so gorgeous? Why did he feel the need to save her feelings by lying about what a hot mess she was? How was she supposed to look him in the eyes after what she'd just imagined him doing to her? But where was safe to look? She couldn't look at his chest without thinking how it might feel bare against her hands. She couldn't look lower or she'd imagine her hands following the path her eyes were. Maybe if she stayed here long enough he would give up and go away.
Just as this thought crossed Clary's mind she heard his voice coming from the other side of the counter. "Clary?" He sounded uncertain. "Is everything okay?"
After a minute went by with no answer she heard the thump of Jace jumping over the counter; then the tap of his hand on the door. "Clary? Please tell me what's wrong." He was right on the other side of the door now. His voice was so close it seemed like he was whispering right in her ear. "Please?" He said again softly.
Clary turned around and opened the door, sighing and looking at her feet. "It's nothing. I'm just being stupid." She started to turn away and grab the dessert container, but Jace stopped her with a hand on her arm.
"Please look at me," he said softly. "I don't understand what I did wrong."
The pain in his voice and her shock at his statement were enough to make her finally look up at him.
"What?" She asked softly. "You've never done anything wrong. Not to me at least…" she laughed so short and low it was almost a snort. "You're perfect," she finally whispered, so softly she hoped he wouldn't hear.
This was like torture. Standing alone next to the one person in the world who seemed perfect for her and knowing that he didn't like her in the same way she wanted him to. It was even worse that she had no reason she could give him to change how he felt. Plus, now she'd made him feel bad because of her awkwardness. She just kept making things worse.
Clary shook her head and put everything she had into pulling herself out of the downward spiral of her thoughts. "It's fine! I'm fine! Everything's fine!" She said, a bit too cheerfully. "I just forgot where I left it, but it's right here!" She declared, grabbing the container off the desk with her right hand.
Jace looked around dubiously, first at the cot, then the small desk, then the lack of anything else in the room. He raised an eyebrow and looked at Clary quizzically, probably trying to figure out how she had missed it when there were only two places it could possibly have been.
Thankfully, he seemed too polite to say it out loud.
"Okay…" he finally said. "I don't understand. So… you're not mad at me?"
Jace sounded so unsure of himself it made Clary's heart hurt.
"Oh, Jace," she sighed, resting the palm of her left hand on his cheek and gently stroking it with her thumb. He leaned in to her touch. "Of course I'm not mad at you! You've been wonderful! Since the moment I met you you've been nothing but kind to me. You took the blame for an accident I caused. You saved my job by covering for me when I messed up with Camille. You fixed my car. You've been feeding me and taking care of me, and even taking care of Gran when my fuck up could have killed her…" Clary got choked up as she said the last thing and felt large hot tears rolling down her cheeks. She pulled away from Jace again and sat on the cot burying her face in her hands.
Clary wasn't even sure if Jace could understand her now as she was talking into her hands. "And I've been so horrid to you that your immediate reaction to anything is to apologize and think I'm mad at you. God I'm a bitch!"
Clary felt the cot dip as Jace sat down beside her.
"I don't understand," he said again.
"I don't either!" Clary admitted, laughing and crying at the same time. "I'm such a hot mess!"
Jace had set the lasagna on the cot to his left and turned toward her on his right, tightly wrapping his arms around her. "You've had a hard week," he said kindly. "It would shake anyone up… Please don't cry," he added.
Clary started laughing. She laughed harder and harder. She was beginning to sound delirious to her own ears. "I'm trying to apologize for being so horrible to you, and you're comforting me! Do you think I'll ever bring anything to this re- uh- friendship?" she corrected, hoping he wouldn't notice her slip.
"What are you talking about?" Jace asked.
"You really don't see yourself clearly, do you?" Jace went on. "You don't even realize how much joy you bring to everyone around you." Releasing her from the hug, Jace used his finger to lift her chin so her eyes met his. He used his other thumb to wipe the tear tracks first from one cheek, then the other.
After a small pause he continued. "You have the most beautiful soul of anyone I've ever met. I'm very honored to be your friend." As he finished speaking he let go of her face and cleared his throat.
"Plus, you brought the sugar!" He said, clearly trying to lighten the mood. "I do still get some of that, right?" He asked, reaching past her and grabbing the dessert.
"Of course!" Clary said. "You can have anything you want!"
Jace's head whipped up at that. He squinted at her as if he was trying to find something in her expression.
Clary didn't know if Jace found what he was looking for, but eventually he dropped his eyes back to the dessert. "In that case, how about a fork?" he finally asked. Clary laughed and stood up to move to the kitchen.
"After all those emotions I think I need some sugar too!"
Author's note: Knowing your input really makes me happy and keeps me writing and posting. This is true whether you chose to log in, or review as a guest. The only benefit to logging in is that I can reply to you individually. Please please keep the reviews coming either way as I really enjoy each and every one of them.
That being said to everyone, I have got to respond to Snowdrop because you have now made my day twice. :) Your chapter 23 review had me absolutely cracking up. Thank you for that. You mentioned in your latest review appreciating this Clary being a strong character. I hope Clary showing some vulnerability in this chapter does not make you think she is weak. It is very important to me that I write her as a strong character, for all the reasons you mentioned in your review, but it is also important to me to show that she is human. None of us is perfect. Even the strongest of us have moments of doubt, and being under such an extreme amount of stress would be hard on anyone. All that to say, she may have moments of weakness, but she will never be weak. Thanks for appreciating that!