Everybody Else.

I'm sorry, okay?! Here I thought a demon in our midst was everybody's problem, but I've come to the dreadful realization that this is not the case. Apparently I'm the only one who can't handle Xellos and Miss Lina and the others are sick of hearing about it.

I could point out that freaking out over an obnoxious traitorous know-it-all who is ALSO the incarnation of darkness and destruction is perhaps the most sensible response, but you know what? I'm beyond that at this point. I wish I could cope with him like everybody else.

I wish I could be like Miss Lina and view him like a useful item. Accepting his obviously dubious agenda for the slim chance that he might actually be helpful in situations. All the while being somehow okay (?) with the idea that he ALSO sees her as a pawn? As nothing more than a card in his deck to be played or discarded when the mood strikes him.

I'm mixing my metaphors but I am honestly just so upset by even the idea of it. Does he think of me in the same way? He probably does, that snake. Here I am, standing against him with all my will, and he probably thinks of me as a convenient means of accessing holy magic. Good God it's… it's…

…it's actually kind of hurtful to be honest. I'd never do that to him, odious as he is. I wouldn't even know how.

I wish I could be like Miss Amelia and treat Xellos like somebody else's problem. I could say it works out for her because it turns out he's my problem. But good lord I wish I had her faith that justice would sort everything out. But the Fire Dragon King expects his servants to do his work here in the mortal realm. And so, faith or not, it's still left to me, and there's no real doubt about whether I'm doing a good job at that.

Obviously not!

I even wish I could be like Mister Gourry and be completely oblivious to this man's—this creature's—scheming. It would just honestly be such a breath of fresh air to not think every second about what Xellos is doing and who he's doing it to.

But more than anything I wish I could be like Mister Zelgadis. Because he knows as well as I do what a problem Xellos is. He doesn't want Xellos around anymore than I do—though sometimes that's hard to tell. Because he hates Xellos in… I don't know… in a cool way. When I think of Xellos I feel like I'm on fire, but Mister Zelgadis? He's all ice. Doesn't let Xellos under his skin at all. But as for me… well, Xellos practically lives under my skin. And he seems to like it there very much!

I've tried. I've tried to think pragmatically about Xellos, I've tried to have faith he'll get his just desserts, I've tried to ignore him and I've tried to loathe him. But nothing works! I am not Miss Lina or Miss Amelia or Mister Gourry or Mister Zelgadis. I am me! And I…

…turn into a dragon and chase a teleporting demon through the country side causing more damage in the process.

…I need to figure out better coping mechanisms. And fast.