Hi all,
This is written for the One Chicago Appreciation Week 2021. I have written for a few of the prompts and some will fall into another multi-chapter story I am writing for the Upstead ship. I hope to have that ready to publish soon, but until then enjoy these little one – shots. The theme was angst, hurt-comfort and whump … and lemme warn you I did not hold back! They are all HEA though so perhaps I'll be forgiven in the end?
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from the OneChicago world
Day 4 Prompt: "You promised!" "I guess we both broke our promises."
"Not without you."
Hailey was in an absolute panic as she drove to the district. She knew it might seem a little irrational but all she had gotten were the minor details of a drug bust gone wrong. She pressed a hand to her belly, breathing deeply and trying to calm her fraying nerves. A part of her reasoned that it was simply part of the job, she knew that. But there was another part, the one that felt her daughter kick beneath her palm that silenced all those logical reasonings.
Her strong façade was broken when she climbed the steps and walked into the district. Trudy immediately spotted her and there was a familiar look of sympathy that flashed in the older woman's eyes. She came around her desk to Hailey, reaching for her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.
"I … I shouldn't have come," Hailey found herself muttering. "It's just part of the job… I should go."
"No, you have every right to be here," Trudy told her. "I would be too."
"You would?"
Trudy nodded. "It's not easy, being on the other side, is it?" she didn't say it in a mean way, simply that she understood. "But you're not alone."
"Is he …?"
"He's alright. They took him to Med to get checked out but they'll be heading back this way soon."
Hailey sighed in relief and Trudy led her over to the bench. Hailey smiled gratefully. "Vanessa called and told me what happened, or some of what happened and I just … couldn't sit at home, waiting and not knowing," she explained biting her lip anxiously.
Trudy smiled and it was almost motherly, the affection Hailey saw in her eyes. "How are you doing?" she asked.
Hailey exhaled slowly and then a small smile blossomed on her lips. "Good, I think." She placed a hand over her belly again. "She's been kicking up a storm all day and I can't seem to decide what she wants to eat." Trudy chuckled and then Hailey looked at her with almost tears in her eyes. "I can't do this alone, Sarge. Not without him," she admitted quietly.
Trudy placed a hand over Hailey's soothingly. "You won't. I told you Hailey you're not alone."
"Yeah but today …" she huffed now frustrated because she was crying and that was the last thing she wanted to do. Damn hormones! "How do we do this job and have a family? Is it always going to be like this from now on? She's not even born yet and I nearly lost my mind when Vanessa called." She was rambling, Hailey knew but she couldn't seem to stop herself. "Maybe I was wrong… about us and her … what kind of life are we gonna give her? Oh god I don't think -"
"Hailey!" Trudy called firmly. She grasped Hailey's hand tightly and forced the blonde to look at her. "Breath," she instructed. "Just breath."
Hailey nodded, eyes wide in terror but did as Trudy instructed. Her panic slowly subsided but her fear lingered. She shook her head, burying her face in her hands. "How are we going to do this?"
"Together," Trudy answered calmly. "You and chuckles are going to be just fine."
"You don't know that," Hailey argued meekly.
"Oh, I do," Trudy told her, almost smugly. "I've been here long enough to know these things."
"It's not so simple, Sarge," Hailey argued with a watery chuckle.
"Are you questioning my experience, Goldilocks?" Trudy challenged with a raised brow.
"I wouldn't dream of doing that." Hailey laughed. "But like you said you've been here long enough to see how things really are."
"I have." Trudy's eyes softened just a little more. "So, believe me when I tell you that you're going be okay. And so is my honorary granddaughter," Trudy affirmed placing a hand over Hailey's again.
Hailey released a shuddering breath and nodded, dipping her head so Trudy wouldn't see her tears. Damn hormones, she cursed again, but she knew this time it had very little to do with the hormones.
"Why don't you go up and wait. They should be back soon," her desk sergeant suggested and Hailey nodded.
She rose, a little too slowly from the bench for her liking and she waved Trudy off, walking to the gate and letting herself in. It had been a while since she'd been put on maternity leave and so the walk up the stairs took a little more out of her than she'd like to admit. It was slow going but at last, she had made it to the top and was surprised to find the bullpen was not empty.
Kevin was at his desk, shuffling about and he didn't hear her until her sneakers squeaked against the floor.
"Damn girl! Did you walk up those stairs all by yourself?" he asked jumping from his seat and rushing towards her.
Hailey wanted to wave him off too but honestly, she was thankful for the help as he guided her to a chair. "I needed the exercise," she joked trying not to sound too winded.
Kevin smiled and a moment later joined her at his desk again. "He's not back yet," he said needlessly.
"I know, but I couldn't wait around the house," Hailey explained. Kevin nodded and turned back to his paperwork. But Hailey was watching him and a moment later he looked up at her with a raised brow. "What happened?"
When he sighed, Hailey knew she wasn't going to like his answer. Still, she waited expectantly, and then Kevin sighed once more perhaps in defeat as he shifted the computer monitor towards her.
"Footage from the bust," was all he said before hitting play.
She held her breath, anxiously as she watched. The warehouse was already in a great deal of chaos but she easily spotted Jay, seemingly trying to talk down one of the suspects. Words were exchanged and guns were drawn. She didn't want her heart to clench in that awful fear-ridden way because how many times had they found themselves in that position in the past.
But it was different now because she wasn't there to have his back.
Shots were fired and those in the frame took cover before everything turned decidedly dangerous. Hailey wasn't certain what had happened but she did know what she saw. Gasping in fear and shock and surprisingly a little anger, she leaned in closer to the monitor as Jay jumped in front of the bullet.
She grasped the chair tightly and looked away when he didn't get back up immediately. Kevin took pity on her and quickly stopped the video.
"Things cleared up pretty quickly after that," he told her gently. "Brett said his injuries weren't too bad. Many a couple of bruised ribs but seeing as he hit his head pretty hard they wanted to make sure he didn't have a concussion or anything like that."
Hailey nodded, finding that she had no words. She kept repeating it to herself, over and over again; he was just doing his job. Only her heart and mind were not in agreeance. She glanced back to the monitor and saw Jay on the ground.
He had jumped in front of that bullet. There was no way to know at that moment that his action would save the bystander – it did – but he couldn't have known that. All she felt then was anger. Irrational, fear-filled anger because he had been so reckless! Hot tears pooled in her eyes and she looked down at her hands instead.
"Hey, he's gonna be okay," Kevin soothed mistaking her tears as just her simple fear.
She nodded but didn't say anything. The image of him diving to the floor echoed in her mind and suddenly it felt more than just anger and fear, it felt an awful lot like betrayal too. She could not reason it then, not with Kevin looking at her so worriedly and the sounds of the rest of the team coming into the bullpen from the garage.
Hailey turned away hastily wiping her eyes as they entered. She tried to calm her thoughts and heart but when she turned back and saw him, it all came apart again.
"Hailey!" Jay said dropping his keys on his desk as he walked to her.
But she was out of her seat and taking a step back from him faster than she knew. His eyes widened in shock and hurt. He stopped a few paces away from her and looked at her, as did Vanessa and Adam who had followed him in.
She bit down on her tongue because she refused to cry in front of her team, especially when she shouldn't even be there. It was irrational, she kept telling herself. He was just doing his job, she tried remembering.
"Hailey," he said slowly, frowning. He took another tentative step towards her and she backpedalled another step. He looked between her and Kevin confused and then he noticed the image on the monitor. "Hey, I'm okay!" he quickly tried to reassure her. "It's nothing serious. A few bruised ribs really. No concussion either! I'm okay."
"Yeah, I can see that," she replied stiffly.
She was angry and she knew that but he couldn't understand why. His confusion gave her the opportunity to leave. Without another word, she turned and hurried as best she could back down the stairs.
"Hailey!" Jay called following after her and she cursed her pregnancy waddle because she'd only made it halfway down when he caught up to her. "Hey! Hails!" he called, gently grabbing her arm. "Talk to me!"
But she didn't trust her voice then, so she yanked her arm away from him, unshed tears burning in her eyes as she glared at him.
Again, he looked at her in shock and hurt. "Hailey …"
"I can't … not here," she mumbled shaking her head. She took another step away from him and Jay watched her with a clenched jaw and pure confusion in his eyes. She knew he wanted to reach out to her, as was his instinct, but he didn't.
She turned and left, the gate to Intelligence slamming shut with more force than she intended. Hailey winced but didn't stop as she practically ran from the district, ignoring Trudy's worried look as she went.
She didn't think about it, just trying to make it back home. It was irrational she knew, gripping the steering wheel tightly as she turned into their driveway. It was their job and it was always dangerous.
Hailey couldn't even begin to count the number of times they had found themselves in the direst of situations. It was the habit of their job, she knew that, but something unsettled so deeply when she saw that footage of Jay.
In the time it had taken her mind to go completely haywire with fear and panic she had managed to bring herself to curl up on the couch.
It was the thought of losing Jay like she had told Trudy earlier that scared her so senseless. But what angered her was that he had jumped in front of what could likely have been the hand of death so easily. How could he do that without even thinking about what that would mean for her?
That angered her – and equally frustrated her because she once again rationalised it was part of their job. But the longer she lay on the couch, hand over her belly, the weaker that argument became.
She was allowed to be angry about this because he was more than just her partner – he was her husband and the father to their child. It was about more than just them now. Didn't he see that?
Hailey had no mind for food but her daughter had other ideas, so eventually, she dragged herself off the couch and warmed up some leftover pizza and made the strongest cup of peppermint tea she could manage.
Though it had grown dark outside rather quickly, she had not been expecting Jay to come home till much later. It was only when she had settled on the couch again, the tv on mindlessly that she heard the keys tingle in the lock.
Suddenly, she was filled with a tense anxiousness; uncertain how to go forward when she wasn't sure. She heard him take his boots off and for a moment she considered rushing upstairs to avoid any sort of discussion, but with her pregnancy waddle, she wouldn't get far. She then considered maybe just pretending to be asleep, but that would never work, Jay always knew when she was lying.
Her mind had grown frantic and her hand fisted the blanket over her when he rounded the corner. He paused in the entryway, watching her for a moment. She glanced at him but didn't say anything. There was plenty she could perhaps say, but they all died on her tongue.
"Hailey," he said stepping into the room. "I'm sorry!" and she wondered if he even knew what he was apologising for. "I didn't mean to scare you. But I'm alright. I promise."
She bit down on her tongue, hard. There was a lot she wanted to say to that but it would all be said in bitterness and anger. And that was just not something she wanted to do. For the first time since she heard about his incident, she felt a true sense of tiredness.
"Look, things just went south really quickly," he continued to ramble. "But Will checked me out and I'm good. No serious injuries. Please don't be mad."
She pushed the blanket off her. "I'm glad you're okay, Jay. Really, I am."
"But?"
She sighed. "But nothing. I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm tired."
"Hailey …." His voice was barely a whisper. It took all she had not to look back at him as his fingers grazed her arm as she walked past.
She felt those treacherous tears, hot and urgent pool in her eyes again as she climbed the stairs slowly. Hailey crawled under the covers, slowly and when she shut her eyes, she saw Jay in that warehouse again.
The bed dipped sometime later as he joined her and she held her breath for a moment, wondering if he would reach for her as he always did. She could sense his hesitancy and confusion even in the dark as he hovered for a moment before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her hair, his hand falling over the curve of her belly.
"I love you," he whispered and she gripped the duvet tightly, silent tears falling onto her pillow.
They didn't fall asleep immediately. Hailey could feel the rigidness of him beside her and it gave her no joy. Because how could she explain to him that she absolutely hated what he had done today? That even though it was a part of their job and perhaps in another time, she would have likely done the same thing, she hated that he had done it? How could she tell him without sounding like a complete hypocrite, that she absolutely hated that he had to do his job today?
Her tears continued silently until eventually, they stopped. A familiar drowsiness set in and as she felt the delicate edges of sleep creep in, she felt Jay reach for her. His hand falling over her belly and as if sensing his touch, their daughter kicked once and then twice. Still, Hailey didn't have the courage to face him just yet, so instead she simply intertwined their fingers and with that small amount of reassurance, she fell into a fitful sleep.
She figured they would talk about it the next day but Hailey found her courage lacking and so when Jay woke that morning, she stayed buried under the covers. And when he was about to leave for the district, he came over and did as he had always done before, pressing a kiss for her forehead. This time, he let his lips linger there hoping she would say something… anything. But she didn't and he simply sighed, and pulled away.
She watched silently as he clipped his gun and badge to his hip and then with one last glance, he left their bedroom. It was more of the same for the next two days; the house filled with tense silences and mostly avoided conversations until Jay could take it no more. He came into the living room to find her on the couch, tea and book in hand.
"We need to talk," Jay told her.
Hailey frowned, biting down on her lip. "About what?"
He looked at her with a raised brow. "Really Hailey?"
"It's nothing, Jay. Just silly hormones," she tried to play it off.
"No, it's not." He was adamant and rightly so. "Something is wrong! I just want you to tell me so I can help. Please, Hailey."
For one stubborn moment, Hailey wanted to deny him that. Refute with all she had that nothing was nothing. He was hurt and confused and for the briefest selfish second, she wanted him to know what that felt like because it was all she had been feeling for days now.
"You jumped in front of a bullet, Jay," she finally said. She didn't shout or scream or cry. She said it plainly and his confusion only deepened.
"But I'm okay," he mumbled. "I told you. I'm okay. I had the vest on. Nothing happened."
"This time!" she heaved, her anger picking up. She cast her book aside as she glared at him. "You're okay this time! What about next time?"
"I… I don't understand. You're upset because I was doing my job?" She didn't want to answer. It felt foolish now. "Hailey," he pressed.
"I'm upset because for one small second I thought I had lost you!" she cried. "I'm angry because you made a foolish reckless decision and we could have lost you!"
She was doing her best not to cry because that was the last thing she needed, but her daughter chosen that moment to start moving about and Hailey had to breathe deeply for a few short seconds.
"Reckless? Hailey, I was doing my job… our job," he stated.
"Yes! Reckless and selfish!" She cried angrily at him. "You were selfish and made a stupid decision and you didn't think for one second what would happen if we lost you! "
Jay frowned. "Selfish? Hailey, making those kinds of decisions is part of the job. I thought you understood th– "
"I know that!" Tears slipped down her cheek and she looked away, wiping them hastily. She scowled, "Doesn't mean I have to like it," she mumbled. "What were you thinking? Were you even thinking?"
Jay clenched his jaw for a moment and then said, "I acted on instinct. But you know this. You're just as much a cop as I am. You know how these things work!"
Hailey groaned. "Yes but – " she paused because what could she say without sounding like a hypocrite?
"I don't understand, Hailey. We've been in this situation countless times before. We've always come out fine. I had the vest on. It wasn't going to be fatal," Jay argued. "This was just like any other bust."
"But I've always had your back in the past!" Hailey snapped and then finding her momentum she continued, "I wasn't pregnant back then! We weren't about to start a family!" she cried and he looked at her a little shocked. "You don't understand!"
"Then make me!"
She exhaled, once again wiping away her tears because really, they felt like they were never-ending. "When I saw you fall all I could think about what how I couldn't lose you. We can't lose you. You said you'd be here with us. You promised!"
"And you promised you'd never shut me out!" Jay told her. He didn't yell. He never yelled but she could hear the frustration and pain in his voice.
"I guess we both broke our promises."
"No! I'm still here. I am always here, Hailey. I told you I wasn't going anywhere and I intend to keep that promise," he said vehemently.
"Jumping in front of bullets is a shit way of keeping that promise Jay!" she countered. "You can't do that anymore!"
He couldn't stand the distance between them so he came to sit beside her on the couch. "Hailey, all I want is for you to be safe and happy," he told her gently. He reached for her hand and was glad when she didn't pull away. "I'm sorry if for a moment I made you feel like you weren't. But you're not alone, and you're both safe."
He grasped her face in his hands wiping away the tears that fell. Hailey's eyes fell shut and she breathed deeply again, trying to calm her frantic thoughts and racing heart.
"It's not my safety that worries me, Jay. It's yours. Things can't be like they've always been," she said a moment later. Her voice was a little calmer now. "You can't go jumping in front of bullets so recklessly. You have to think about us. We need you – I need you here and I know that might be selfish to ask but I'm asking anyway."
He sighed, his head dipping a little because he hadn't thought it would affect her so deeply. But she was right. He told her as much.
"It's not selfish to ask and you're right; things can't be the same." He brought her hand up, kissing her palm. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about how it would affect you. It was selfish and I'm sorry."
She felt some of her anger deflate, but there was still much to be said. She pressed the hand he held to his cheek. "I'm scared, Jay. Like really scared. I told you I don't know how to do this. I … I can't do this without you. P-please … don't make me do it without you…" her words disappeared as her shoulders shook and she was crying again.
"Hey, hey," Jay quickly said, gently tugging her a little closer. He wrapped an arm around her, kissing the top of her head and he ran soothing circles down her make.
"I can't. Not without you," she choked out and Jay squeezed her tightly. Her bump made it a little difficult but he shifted them and a moment later, Hailey's head was falling to his chest. She gripped his shirt tightly. "Please, not without you."
"You won't. I promise Hailey, I'm going to be more careful," Jay assured her. "You're not going to do it without me. I'm here." He repeated softly into her hair, holding her as she worked through her fear. "I love you," Jay told her softly. "You know I love you so much and I wouldn't – couldn't even think about not being here with you, with you both."
"I love you too," Hailey murmured into his chest.
She took a few deep breaths, and as she did, she caught Jay's familiar scent and their daughter kicked. They both looked down, hands instinctively going to her bump, waiting for her to kick again. She did and Hailey smiled, tears still streaming down her face.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled a few moments later. "I don't mean to sound hysterical …" she blushed slightly embarrassed though she figured it probably got lost with the horrible red splotches already on her face. "I'm just …"
"Scared. I know. Me too," Jay soothed.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," he said with a chuckle. "Believe it or not, I don't know how to do this either, Hailey."
Somehow she managed a watery laugh. "Well, that's perfect. How on earth are we gonna make this work?"
"We'll figure it out. Together. Just no more hiding from each other," jay said giving her a meaningful look. "Whatever happens, we'll deal with it, together."
Hailey nodded and looked up at him, properly for the first time in days. Jay drank her in like he hadn't seen her for months or years. Tenderly, he caressed her cheeks, wiping away the tears. She figured she must have looked rather frightful, but Jay didn't seem to think so.
"So beautiful," he whispered.
"Liar," she teased.
He smiled, his fingers burying them into her hair and then he was pulling her closer, a second later. "No, not to you. Not ever." He kissed her, his words barely settling between them. He kissed her hard and full of meaning; hopeful that she would understand he truly meant it when he said she would not do this without him.
They pulled apart, but Jay held her face in his hands, their foreheads pressed together.
So much still needed to be decided and everything still seemed a little uncertain, but they had time to figure it all out. They had each other and soon they would have their daughter. Nothing more was needed.
AN: Would love to hear your thoughts so please leave a little love and review!