AN: Took me forever to get it out, but here it is.
Also, thanks Claircrystal for the idea. Leni already sold most of her things for her idea, and the Loud parents...well, that will be discussed in this chapter. For the rest of the Loud kids, though, that would work nicely. Honestly, apart from with Leni at the flea market, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind, so thanks again.
Oh, and don't think they (Rita and Lynn Sr) are getting off that easy here. This is only the beginning for them.
Working 9 to…
Back in the present…
Lynn Sr had pulled Vanzilla into a parking spot in front of the office where he worked, pondering what he was going to say to his boss to request his raise. His boss was a reasonable man, but business wasn't great. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but he had to try. He took a few deep breaths and made his way into the building. He rode the elevator up to the floor where his boss' office resided, walking past the many cubicles where his co-workers typed away. A few of them greeted him jovially, which he responded in kind, as he headed right to the office at the end of the room. His boss was a tall, but very round man, with a large bushy beard and moustache, and a little round nose. He was wearing a cheap tweed suit as he looked over some papers on his desk. With a shaky hand, Lynn Sr knocked on the open door. His boss glanced up when he heard the knock and smiled lightly. "Ah. Morning, Loud. You're here early," He said as he set his pen down.
"Morning, sir," Lynn Sr said as he stepped inside the room. "I need to talk with you about something...rather important."
"That so, Loud? Well, have yourself a seat and let's talk." He gestured to the small chair in front of his desk. The Loud father cautiously approached the chair and sat down, facing the head of the office building. "So, what's on your mind?"
"Our family is doing...some remodeling of the house…"
"That little genius succeeded in blowing up her room?"
"Good grief, no!" Lynn Sr exclaimed in horror, though he knew it wasn't that bad a guess for anyone who knew his family. "It's...well, I can't really explain it. It's very complicated...but it's also an expensive job...so I was wondering...would it be possible to get a raise, sir? Please?" He almost pleaded.
"A raise? Hmmm...I see…" His boss frowned lightly as he mulled this over in his mind. "I'd like to be able to help you with this, Loud. Really...but I'm afraid we don't really have the budget for it. It's been a tough year for us…"
"Yeah...I thought that would be the case," The Loud patriarch admitted with a sad sigh. "...what about overtime?"
"Sorry, Loud, but my hands are tied," His boss said with a shrug and an apologetic look. Lynn Sr sighed again, standing up from his seat.
"Thanks anyway, sir…" He said with a dejected tone as he turned to leave.
"Now hold on, Loud…" The portly man suddenly said. "I might not be able to give you a raise or overtime, but I think I can still help you." The balding father turned his head to look at the business owner. "You see, I know a guy who's been looking for a little help."
"Really?" Lynn Sr asked with a smile slowly reappearing.
"Yeah, and I think you're just about right for the job he's looking for," His boss informed him.
"Who is he? How can I get in touch with him?" The Loud father asked as he turned to face him.
"His name is Milton Vandervol. A very wealthy man, always doing charity events, I'm sure he'd help you out if you help him out. I'll give him a call a little later. Come see me after lunch and we can iron out the details."
"Thank you so much, sir," A grateful Lynn Sr said with a relieved look.
"My pleasure, Loud. Just a fair warning, though. Mr Vandervol is a little eccentric, and can be quite the taskmaster. Whatever job he has in mind for you, you'll need to go all the way for him to be satisfied."
"I think I can handle it, sir," The Loud Patriarch said confidently. 'Besides, it's for Lincoln.' He added mentally.
Meanwhile, back at the house of Loud, the blonde haired author was feverishly searching the internet for job offers. Fortunately for her, there were plenty of job openings in Royal Woods. Unfortunately, the majority of them were either at a bad time in relation to her schedule, part time jobs she was overqualified for, or jobs she wasn't qualified to do. The remaining offers...there weren't many left. "Let's see...Burpin' Burger...they're always hiring. I'll call that the last resort." She muttered to herself. "Delivery driver...minimum wage, though. However, every little bit could help. Hmmm…"
She took a sip of her coffee as her eyes continued to scan the remaining options. "Editorial writer for the local newspaper. I could possibly get behind that. Wait...what's this last one?" She leaned a little closer to the screen. "Hmmm. A place called The Crystal Swan. All positions available. Starting at...twenty dollars an hour!?" She had to whistle at that. "That's pretty decent, but they're pretty vague about what position they're hiring for." She stroked her chin a bit.
"Well, that's what the internet is for," The Loud mother said with a slight smile as she did a quick search of the business in question. "Let's see...The Crystal Swan. A classy nightclub catering to the entertainment of ladies and gentlemen, and the providing of good food and good drink at modest prices," She said aloud, her eyes narrowing in disbelief. "Well, let's see what the reviews for the establishment have to say." She scrolled down the window until she found the review section. It looked like it was fairly well rated, at 3.8 stars. "Hmmm. The symbol of class. The kind of bar you can bring the little lady to...so it's a bar. Well, that's not a problem. What else?"
The rest of the positive reviews looked to be quite similar; Emphasizing the place had class, a nice place to get a good drink and a show ("Must have musical performances or something," Rita thought out loud.), and good, friendly staff. The only real complaints seem to come from people who had been thrown out, and one from someone who thought even having a bar in Royal Woods was disgraceful. She couldn't deny that the prospect looked promising. The place didn't have a website, but there was a phone number she could call. Thinking she didn't have anything to lose by trying, she decided to dial them up.
"Hello?" A kind of gruff, but friendly voice said on the other end.
"Hello. Is...uh...this is the manager of The Crystal Swan?"
"Sure enough. Name's Leroy Pomperoy. To who am I speaking?" He responded.
"Rita Loud. I was calling about the job listing online," The Loud Matriarch explained, the page still open on her laptop. "I couldn't find a website to apply on, but-"
"We don't really have a website," Leroy interrupted her, which annoyed her. "Normally, we would need you to come in, fill out an application, and what not. However, we're in need of help. Like, really in need. So how about you drop by tonight, about six for an interview? Before we open."
'Uh...sure thing," She answered, greatly surprised. She didn't expect that she could possibly get an interview this quickly. It almost sounded too good to be true...and that worried her. However, she needed to earn some extra money.
Later that evening, after dinner, the two parents went off to check out these prospective jobs: Lynn Sr taking a taxi and Rita taking Vanzilla. The Loud father was dressed in his best white dress shirt, his good pants, well polished dress shoes, and his best tie. He was hoping to impress Mr Vandervol in order to get the job. 'Here's hoping he's as nice as the boss made him out to be,' The Loud father thought as the cab drove along.
After over a half hour of waiting, the vehicle finally arrived at a palatial mansion estate, surrounded by a cobblestone fence topped with metal spikes. Apart from the spikes, it all looked fairly inviting to the middle aged man. 'Ok, Lynn...get your game face on,' He mentally told himself as the gates opened to let the taxi inside. 'Wait...no. Put on your cheery, approachable face. You want to look like you're happy to be here and eager for the job, not like you want to tackle him.' He turned to look at his reflection in the window, donning a nervous smile.
"Alright, buddy...here we are," The taxi driver said as soon as he parked in front of the large, stone steps leading to the large mahogany doors that was the manor entrance.
"Oh. Right. Thank you," Lynn Sr said as he snapped out of his musings. He paid the driver and made his way to the doors with shaking legs. He pressed the doorbell, which made the sound of church bells inside. He only had to wait a few moments before an older man opened the door. He had a slight paleness to him, and had long, gray hair that was starting to turn white. He was dressed in a red and gold robe, blood red slippers and carrying a wine glass in his right hand. The Loud father was wondering if he had come at a bad time, but this worry was dismissed when the man gave him a charming smile.
"Ah, you must be Mr Lynn Loud," He said before stepping aside. "Come in, come in."
"Er...thank you, Mr Vandervol…" Lynn replied as he stepped into the house. One look around and he felt instantly intimidated. The room was almost as large as the entire first floor of his house, and was filled with several portraits of scowling men and women, and taxidermy of predatory animals.
"Please, call me Milton," The older, but charismatic gentleman said with a chuckle. "Might I interest you in a drink, Lynn? I have a fine collection of wines, spirits, and liquors."
"Thank you, Milton, but I don't drink," He answered politely, albeit in a scared tone.
"A shame, but understandable," Mr Vandervol said with a slight shrug. "Well then, shall we go straight to the drawing room, where we can discuss business?"
"O-Of course," The Loud father said with a stutter as he followed his elderly host. "If I may ask...who are the people in those portraits? Family?"
"Sure enough," Milton replied with a chuckle. "Bunch of old fuddy duddies, aren't they?"
"Uh...er, I wouldn't say that…"
"I would. In fact, I say it all the time," The silver haired gentleman responded with a smirk. "All so overly serious. I understand there's a time and a place to be serious, but you gotta unwind every once in a while. Know what I mean?"
"I certainly do, though with how busy life can get, it can be hard to find time to unwind," Lynn Sr said as he walked along. "Part of the reason I'm here."
"Ah yes. My friend told me all about it. Doing a little home improvement project, eh? Always a safe investment."
"I guess, but we're not doing it for investment purposes," The balding father said as the two of them arrived at a large chamber filled with easy chairs, a love seat, and a large sofa, all set around an ornate marble fireplace. Set over the mantle was the head of a snarling puma. A few bookshelves lined the walls at odd intervals, as well as more paintings. However, these seemed to be of a much younger Mr Vandervol in various locations around the world.
"Impressive, isn't it?" Milton asked as he noticed the Loud patriarch looking more closely at a portrait of him in his prime, standing triumphantly atop a Mayan pyramid. "I was quite the jet setter in my younger days, not to mention a strapping young man. But, the years do add up, and my globe trotting days are very much over."
"Well, I think you look pretty good for your age," Lynn Sr said, in an effort to be nice. The older man chuckled a bit.
"Aren't you the sweet one? Bet the little woman has to keep an eye on you, with that silver tongue of yours." The brown haired man's cheeks flushed a bit as he gave a nervous chuckle of his own. "But I digress. Have yourself a seat." He patted the place beside him, inviting him to join him. Much to his disappointment, however, Lynn opted on a chair opposite him. He kept his calm smile on, though, as he continued. "Your boss gave you a rather promising recommendation when he called earlier. And I must say, I can see what he means."
"Really? What did he say?"
"He said you were the ideal man for the job I require. A strong young man, full of youthful energy...clearly full of endurance to keep up with a family the size of yours," Milton said with a small smile as he swirled the wine in his glass. "Though he didn't tell me you were a real looker too. A definite bonus."
"Me? A-A real looker?" Lynn Sr asked, his nerves growing, though out of concern this time.
"As sure as I'm sitting here," His host said, laughing softly. "I guess you don't hear that often?"
"Apart from my wife, no."
"Clearly a woman of taste," Mr Vandervol said before he took a sip of wine. "Smooth skin, a strong chin, what hair you have left looks quite soft…" He licked his lips a bit, making the Loud father even more uncomfortable. "...not to mention you look positively adorable when you're nervous."
"Er...so, tell me more about the job," Lynn Sr interjected, desperate to change the subject.
"Ah yes. I was losing the plot there, wasn't I?" The older man said with a bit of a grin. "Well, this is going to be a big job, I admit. Long and hard work, going well into the night, two to three nights a week. However, I will be paying quite generously for each night. About 6, 7 hundred dollars a night."
'6 or 7 HUNDRED a night!?' The middle aged England enthusiast looked in utter awe. 'That's incredible!'
"Of course, that's not counting benefits," Milton added with a wink.
'...He's not saying what I think he's saying, is he?'
"However, I will admit that it will not be an easy job. You will need to go all the way in order to satisfy me. Multitasking will be a must, and you'll need to be good with your hands. I imagine you have no problems with that last one though." He gave the Loud Father another wink.
'Oh god, he is…' He thought in horror. He was one step away from fleeing the scene like his tail was on fire. Before he could act on his instinct, though, his son returned to his thoughts. '...for Lincoln' He mentally decided before he spoke again.
"I...think I can handle it."
"Excellent. Well then, no time like the present to get started. Come with me. I'll show you where the magic will happen," Milton said, getting to his feet and gesturing to him to follow. Lynn Sr sighed as he stood up and followed the elderly millionaire, untying his tie as he did so.
'I guess this is karma for what I did…' He thought to himself.
Meanwhile, almost entirely on the other end of town, Rita had pulled into the nearly empty parking lot of the business called 'The Crystal Swan'. The building seemed pretty nondescript on the outside; almost perfectly rectangular, painted black, and not a window to be seen. The only clue that it was a business was the neon sign over the door that said it's name, and the large sign just outside the entrance with the neon swan on it. The Loud Mother was feeling pretty nervous about this interview, especially since she didn't know what the job would entail. However, she still strode right up to the door and pushed it open with what little confidence she had.
She found herself in a small, dimly lit entry room with only a stool sitting beside a doorway covered by a curtain. Curious, she decided to see what was behind the curtain. When she passed the cloth barrier, she had to shield her eyes because the lights were brighter here than they were in the entry room. When her vision came back, she took a look around, and her jaw dropped. The Crystal Swan did certainly look like a classy place: fine linens on the table, a well stocked bar, the wait staff in casual suits and dresses. But then there was the stage; a stage with a pole installed in the center of it, and a tall, topless, brunette woman performing a dance on it, being cheered on by a quartet of other ladies in bikinis, in their underwear, and one in a cowgirl costume. "My goodness...is this…?"
"Excuse me, ma'am, but we're not open yet," Said a voice she found familiar. She turned to see a short, dumpy, mostly bald man standing with his arms crossed and a slight frown on his face. He was wearing a pinstripe suit that made him look suspiciously like a gangster.
"Er...I'm sorry. I was asked to come here for an interview…"
"Oh! You must be Rita Loud." His expression changed to a happier one in an instant before he looked her up and down. "Sorry about that. Sometimes we get folks trying to get in early for a sneak preview."
"I see...er...if I might ask-" She pointed over toward the stage.
"Just the girls getting ready for tonight. Now, if you'll follow me," He turned on his heel and started to walk toward a door beside the bar.
'Oh no...This is a strip club…' She realized in horror. 'No wonder they were so vague...I should get-' She was considering beating a hasty retreat, but then she thought about her son. '...then again, it's for Lincoln...besides, there's no guarantee I'll even get the job anyway.' Though still apprehensive, she calmed down enough to follow the dwarf sized man to his little office. All that was in it was a desk, a computer with several monitors, a simple folding chair, and a trash can. The walls were lined with several pictures of women, some with the owner in them as well, in varying states of undress. Taken on the stage outside or in the dressing rooms by the look of them.
"Have a seat, MrsLoud," He said as he sat down at his desk. Rita took a deep breath and sat down in the folding chair. "No need to be nervous, ma'am. Now, why don't you tell me about yourself? About your past work experience and whatnot?"
"Well...I'm an aspiring writer, but I'm currently working as a dental assistant for Dr Feinstein."
"Oh! I've seen the doc here a few times. Usually when Trudy performs," Leroy commented with a chuckle.
'Huh. You think you know someone…' Rita thought to herself, though she also had the horrifyingly embarrassing thought of her boss being in the audience when she performed. "Ahem...I'm also a happily married woman-" She held up the hand with her ring to show him. "-and mother of eleven children."
"Eleven?" Mr Pomperoy gave a soft whistle. "That's some family. Must be where doze hips came from." Rita's cheeks turned bright red when he mentioned her hips. "I can tell judging by your reactions that you've never worked in a place like The Crystal Swan before, am I right?"
"N-No, I haven't."
"I thought as much," Leroy said with a nod. An awkward silence filled the room for a minute before he said, "I don't normally do this, Mrs Loud. Usually, there's a much greater screening process for a job. However, we're caught pretty short handed, so I'm willing to stick my neck out for you and give you a shot. So, if you're willing, we may have a job you'd be perfect for."
'Oh my god…' The Loud Mother thought to herself as she started to sweat. 'I can't work at a strip club, can I?' She wondered, just as her thoughts returned to Lincoln. '...a mother should be ready to do what she has to for her children. For Lincoln...I will.' She decided before she answered. "I...I suppose I could try."
"You won't regret it, Mrs Loud," Leroy said with a pleased smile as he stood up and held a hand out to her. She gulped as she nervously shook his hand. "Now, if you'll follow me, I'll show you where you'll be working." He moved out from behind his desk and left his office, with a downcast Rita following him out.
'I guess this is fate's way of punishing me for throwing my own son out of the house…' She thought to herself as she headed for the stage.
"We're almost there," Milton Vandervol said as he led the Loud Patriarch through his maze of a house. Lynn Sr had just gotten his tie off and had started to unbutton the top buttons on her shirt with shaky hands, thinking he may as well get it over with. He had only gotten the top two fasteners when his elderly host pushed open a swinging door with no handle, gesturing him to enter first. He took a deep breath, stepped inside, and gasped at what he saw.
Inside was the largest, most professional looking kitchen he had ever seen. There was a massive commercial oven, a commercial baking oven, a walk in fridge, all the best major appliances and more. The floor was covered in marble tiles and the counters looked like they were marble as well. The entire room was absolutely spotless. He just gazed around the room in disbelief before he was snapped out of his daze by Milton's chuckle. "Pretty impressive, huh?"
"This...is where the magic is going to happen?" The Loud Father asked, slowly looking back at him.
"It certainly is. The culinary magic," The eccentric old man said with enthusiasm. "Your boss had told me numerous times about the fine dishes you brought to the office potlucks. Especially your goulash. He makes it sound absolutely heavenly."
"You mean...you just want me to cook for you?" He could hardly believe his ears.
"Oh, no no no. Not just for me," Milton said with a shake of his head. "I need your help cooking for a few charity events I have planned this month. I usually have a full staff, but they never last more than one or two events, and this month, I couldn't find anyone to do it. I was one step away from cancelling these events when I got word that you were looking to earn a little extra money."
"But, you said I'd need to go all the way…"
"Yes. Cooking, cleaning and serving at the events," Mr Vandervol explained, before adopting a more serious look and tone. "I know it's a lot to ask of one man, but I'm desperate, Lynn. These events are important to me, doubly so because they're to help underprivileged and ill children. As a family man yourself, I'm sure you understand…" The balding aspiring chef looked at him for a moment, and then he started to laugh. This made the elderly gentlemen look at him in confusion, looking almost hurt.
"Hahaha...oh, I'm sorry, Mr Vandervol. I wasn't laughing at your request," Lynn Sr explained as soon as he calmed himself enough to do so. "It's just...I kinda had a VERY different idea about the kind of job you needed me for."
"Really? What did you think I wanted?" Milton asked with genuine curiosity. Lynn's flushed a deep red and he fumbled his words for a few seconds before he said,
"It's...not important. When is the first event?"
"Tomorrow, actually. I don't suppose you'd mind getting started immediately? I know it's short notice, but-"
"No no, Mr Vandervol. It's fine, really. I'd be happy to," He answered sincerely, which made the old man smile. Then he took note of the tie in Lynn's hand and his shirt.
"...You like comfort when you work. I can respect that," The millionaire said, pointing at him with a light smirk.
"Speaking of work, lots of prep work to do," Lynn said with a smile as he pocketed his tie and rolled up his sleeves. "Better get cooking!"
"Haha! Love that enthusiasm!" Mr Vandervol said before giving the Loud Father two hearty pats on the back, followed by a sharp slap on the butt. This made Lynn Sr jump in surprise and look back at Milton with red cheeks. He gave him the double finger guns with a click of his tongue before he left to go get the menu for tomorrow's event.
"...Don't overthink it, Lynn. You've got cooking to do…" He quietly told himself.
Rita had taken three steps toward the stage, the ladies practicing for the night's performances taking notice of her when… "Mrs Loud, you're going the wrong way," Mr Pomperoy called out to her. The Loud mother blinked and turned her head to see her new boss standing by the curtain at the entrance. "Over here." She raised an eyebrow in confusion, but made her way over to him, thinking maybe there was a performer's entrance there. She didn't remember seeing such a door there, but perhaps she didn't look hard enough.
She followed him into the dimly lit entry room and took another look. Nope. Nothing there but the stool and curtain. "Uh...Mr Pomperoy, am I expected to dance out here?" She asked in bewilderment.
"You could if you like. I don't think our customers would mind at all," He said before taking a good, long look at her hips again. "I know I wouldn't."
"Then what am I going to be doing out here?"
"Your job will be checking the ids of everyone coming in and making sure they're legit, and generally making sure no one causes too much trouble," He elaborated for her. "If they do or the ids are fake, you can throw them out, or call security if it's a little too much for you to handle."
"You...want me to be a bouncer?" She was more befuddled than ever now.
"Yes. Is...this a problem?"
"No, no. It's actually a more preferable option. I just thought you were going to have me on stage," She said, pointing toward the next room.
"I considered it, for sure. You definitely have the figure for it," Leroy informed her, his eyes trailing up and down her body once more. "But we desperately need a bouncer, and I thought to myself; hey, this woman is a mother. A mother of eleven kids. She's got to be tough. And as a dental assistant, she's used to getting into tussles. Apart from the lack of experience, you seem to be an ideal candidate for the job."
'That makes a certain degree of sense,' Rita thought to herself. 'And being a bouncer doesn't sound too bad.' However, she did have a few questions still. "What happened to your previous bouncer?"
"I had to let him go, sadly," Mr Pomperoy explained with a frown and a shake of his head. "He was a good bouncer, but he tended to get too fresh with the ladies. To the point where they got uncomfortable, and I won't have that. I look out for my staff and my performers, Mrs Loud." Hearing that brought a small smile to the blonde haired mother's face.
"Good for you, Mr Pomperoy," She said sincerely. "I just have one more question, if I may: does trouble happen here frequently?"
"Well, you expect a certain degree of trouble whenever alcohol and lots of testosterone are involved. But we have a good crowd in general. They usually follow the rules and help keep The Crystal Swan a classy club. I wouldn't expect too much trouble, unless someone gets a little too drunk." The business owner told her before he pulled a thick binder full of papers from behind his back. "This here is the employee manual. Take the time to read it over before we open at eight, especially the section about spotting fake ids."
"Two hours? I don't think I'll be able to memorize that in such little time.." The worried Rita said as she took the binder in her hand.
"That's fine. You can keep it with you for your first couple shifts as a reference. Might make a good weapon in a pinch too," He joked, laughing a bit along with her. "Feel free to study in the dining/showroom. The light is much better there. Been meaning to fix that…"
"Of course. And thank you, Mr Pomperoy."
"Thank YOU, Mrs Loud. If you hadn't taken the job, we might have had to shut down for a few nights until we found a new bouncer." With that, her new boss held open the curtain to let her into the dining room, so she could start studying for her new night job.