ASSAULTING SUNRISE

Job 3: Unmotivated Streamer

Sly leaves the safe-house and makes his way through the water park, jumping on some smaller rides and railsliding on the trolley as he makes his way towards the start position by the lazy river entrance. Thaddeus is waiting for him there. "Are you ready to work?"

"Of course," Sly says, and pulls out his binoc-u-com. "Bentley, what's the plan?"

"Bentley ain't here, but I've sho'nuf got you," says Tennessee.

Sly laughs. "Does he know you've got the coms station?"

"Nope! Miss Carmelita's doin the talkin for him. But while everyone else is distracted, I've got the chance to get my hands on these doo-hickey's of Bentley's and have some fun."

Sly can only imagine how that will go over with Bentley. Thaddeus coughs. "Well, if you are to be our advisor today, what is the plan?"

"Right! See, that over there is a guard compound. Thaddeus, you can't just barge in there dressed like you always do, they'll spot a con and lock ye up! So Sly, you mosey around the place and steal Ol' Thad a uniform."

"Ol' Thad?" Thaddeus asks, laughing a little.

"So I just get to go around stealing the uniforms, then?" Sly's laughing, too.

"Yep! Bentley's sure the whatchamacallit dadgun thing in charge here is in there, so Thad'll keep an eye on it while you do that. Make sure'n lissen in fer any passwords the yellow-tailed varmints have, too."

Sly shakes his head. "I suppose you have guards with appropriate parts of the uniform marked with waypoints already?"

"Nope! But I can!" Dozens of blue waypoints appear around the area. "Shoot, that's just every guard there is, innitit?" All the lights go out, then start blinking on and off in rhythm to the background music. "Whut in tarnation..."

"Perhaps it would be wiser to have Carmelita or Murray handle this, after all," says Thaddeus.

"Got it!" Most of the lights go off, and a moment later, the remaining ones stop blinking. "Man, I have got to play more with this doohickey, it's loads'a fun!"

Thaddeus sighs as Sly puts away his binoc-u-com and looks around. "Ya'll'll need a diving vest, diving pants, flippers, and a snorkel, it says," Tennessee tells him. "Hop to it!"

Sly hops, and keeps hopping, until Tennessee drawls, "Very funny." Then he climbs to a rooftop for a better look around.

Naturally, the four guards Sly needs to steal uniform pieces from are stationed far, far apart from each other. One is close by, at least: there's one flashlight guard who's removed his flippers, not far away, and is sitting at the edge of the lazy river. Sly sneaks closer. He dips his toes in the water, hisses in pain, pulls them out, and shakes them off. Then he does it again. And again.

Sly just walks behind him and picks up the flippers as the guy does it yet again, this time actually stopping to massage the pain out of his toes. But he looks so happy while he does so.

Time to find the next. Sly moves about the area, arriving at the log flume. The guard there is walking in slow circles around the tall building, timing his rounds so he's never near the flume part when the log goes down. He's taken off his snorkel and has it stuffed into a back pocket, where it dangles, half-out.

Somehow, Sly still manages to retrieve a dozen coins and the guard's wallet before he takes the snorkel.

That done, Sly keeps moving. The next guard is near the safe-house; this one actually isn't a flashlight guard. The flamingo flaps lazily from rooftop to rooftop in a rough circle, its pants half-off and dangling beneath them as they fly. The rooftops they land on include the safe-house, tempting Sly. Maybe he can stop in for a drink of actual water; seeing all this stuff he can't drink has him thirstier than usual.

But no rest for the thieving. Sly doesn't even pick-pocket this dude, just stands on the street beneath where they'll fly and yanks the pants right off when they go overhead. They don't even notice, though they immediately start flying higher.

Some people are just oblivious.

Only one more. This guy is one of two walking in circles around the carousel; every time the two meet, there's a moment of conversation. "Hey! What's the river password?"

"Circle circle circle circle," the other replies. "I'll ask you next time?"

"Okay."

The one who'll ask the password next time has his diving vest unzipped and is fanning himself. Sly gets it off him before the two meet again, but is close enough to hear the guy go, "Hello, hello! What's the river password?"

"Circle circle circle circle."

Sly shakes his head and walks away. "You getting all this, Thaddeus?"

"Indeed. I will get changed and complete my task as soon as I receive your delivery."

That sounds good to Sly. He skips his way along the rooftops and through the streets, back to Thaddeus. There, he tosses his ancestor the outfit.

Thaddeus snags it and salutes Sly with his cane. "You may as well head back to the safe-house," Thaddeus says. "I shall assign this outfit to the R2, L1, or R2 buttons and change into it when I'm ready. There will be no problems."

"And you know the river password is circle, circle, circle, circle, right?" Sly asks, leaning on his own cane. "I wouldn't want you to forget such an important detail."

Thaddeus chuckles. "Even if I could, the password is on the gadget screen for me to check at any time. Off with you, now!"

Sly skedaddles. Tennessee comes over the binoc-u-com: "Been a while since it's just been the two'a us havin' a chat, huh, ol' Thad?"

Thaddeus nods as he assigns the outfit to a button and gets changed. "It has indeed, my young friend. How has life treated you?"

"Been shore' nuff good! A'course, you weren't around fer all'o it." Tennessee stretches. "Stinkin' Clockwerk went after ya when you were what, eighty? Eighty-one?"

"A life well lived, then." Thaddeus has to jump from inner tube to inner tube to get across the lazy river without touching the toxic water. "Perhaps my flight from Clockwerk was my first dodge of his attack; he doesn't get all of us on his first attempt. That would give me another year or so, upon my return."

"Make it a good one," Tennessee says. "I passed the book to your grandkid. Not sure I'm'a'goin'ta have kids myself."

Thaddeus makes it across. "Be that as it may. Now, what am I looking for over here?"

"Shoot, Bentley's notes just say 'whoever's in charge' and 'anything int'resting.' Ya got that?"

"That does make it easier," he murmurs. He has to move fast as he crosses; stay on one inner tube for more than a second, it starts sinking. Since the lazy river is moving, he also has to take care he doesn't get swept away from the guard station. Still, there are plenty of inner tubes around, all moving at the same speed, even if they're placed at completely random locations with each other.

When Thaddeus gets across, he straightens his diving vest, shakes off his flippers, and knocks on the door.

It opens. A menacing flamingo glares at him. "What's the river password?"

"Circle circle circle circle," Thaddeus replies easily. "May I please come in? These flippers are making my feet ache ."

The flamingo chuckles and stands to one side. "I know your lot get the big bucks for taking to the streets and all, but I do not envy you those uniforms. My feet are free."

Thaddeus laughs and he's in.

It's a decently sized place, Thaddeus discovers, as he walks around. The halls are shaped curiously: rather than being normal rectangular halls, they're circles, with domed ceilings, walls, and floors. There are three rooms: a pool, full of that horrible brine, which is completely empty; an oversized kitchen, where a number of guards are talking and laughing, mugs of lemonade and plates full of burritos before them; and a lounge with several couches occupied by chattering guards and an oversized TV showing endless advertisements for the water park.

There's also a staircase down, and Thaddeus takes it. The room he finds himself in now is dimly lit and full of three-tiered bunk beds. Several of them are occupied. Snores fill the room. Thaddeus tiptoes past, into another overly round hallway, to a room filled with monitors and a few repair people; based on the grumbling, it appears the security cameras have ceased working.

What a terrible and surprising occurrence.

Thaddeus turns a corner—it's not a tight corner, more like a quarter of a circle—to find another room. Filled with technology.

And an oversized metal snake, half-lying on a throne. He rears up and bends forward, putting his head towards Thaddeus. "Issss there a reasssson for disssturbing me?"

Thaddeus bows. "I've been told to inform you that restoring the security cameras will take longer than expected, Sir," he says at once.

The snake flicks his tail. "That'ssss Sssserperior to you. You mussssst be sssssome of the new help Patch sssssent."

Thaddeus smiles and bows again.

"I wissh sshe'd hurry and recreate that Hate Chip," he says, rearing upright once more. "Excsssselencsssse doessss take time, I ssssssuppossssse, and she did sssssend me more help." Serperior glares down at him. "You are disssssmissssssed."

Thaddeus bows again and leaves. Behind him, he hears the snake say, "I'll sshow her. I'll sshow them all. Working outsssside the law issss ssssssuperior. Dissssobeying the law issss Ssssserperior!

JOB COMPLETE

Thaddeus wipes his forehead and makes his way for the stairs as fast as his cane will let him.