"Man, This is the good stuff!" Purifier tilted the bottle until all the fluids came dripping out. "What is this called, Akagi?
"Sake." I smiled. "It's one of the Sakura Empire's specialties."
"Well this stuff is simply amazing." Purifier cackled. In the split second that she was reaching for her fourth glass, I nodded to Kaga to start taking notes. My secret interrogation session had begun.
"So um, Purifier. We're friends." I lured her into a false sense of security. "Can you tell us about your childhood? I've just found Sirens and their culture fascinating for the longest time."
"Well so have I!" Purifier laughed as if it was the funniest thing on the planet. "Well what do you want to know?"
"Like, where you come from or something?" I slowly pressed, refilling her glass of sake for her.
"Well, we're somewhat born from wisdom cubes or whatever. I don't remember. Class was boring most of the time." Purifier hazed around.
"Oh, how was your school days?" I feigned interest.
"It's was pretty good, but it just gets repetitive and boring." Purifier reached for more alcohol. "Oh, protect Observer's core this, protect Observer's core that! Like, all of school could have literally be summed up in those two sentences."
"Wait, what is Observer's core?" I asked. Kaga silently reached for a pen behind us.
"Oh it's just the power thing that us Sirens have." Purifier shrugged. "Kinda like our charging port or something. We're planning to surface it soon, but it keeps getting delayed."
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"So, it's like a giant charger?" I had to keep my tales from buzzing with anticipation.
"More like the only giant charger." Purifier swung back and forth in her seat.
"You're saying that, if we destroy it, the Siren's will be destoryed?" I narrowed my eyes.
"I mean, I don't know if I can answer that." Purifier reached for a cup of sake, but there was none left. "Aw that's a shame."
"I can get more Sake for us." I offered.
"I think I'm good." Purifier declined.
"You should have some more." I pushed ever so slightly. "Let's have a good time."
"Nah, I'll just go to bed." Purifier got up from the table.
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"Wanna drink tomorrow then?" I pressed my luck for a second session.
"We'll see." Purifier wobbled her way to the bedroom. "Get some high end stuff though!"
"Will do!" I lied.
Disclaimer: Happy thanksgiving guys!
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Man, Writing while food-drunk is one of the worst experience you could ever have. But at least the dinner was good.
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Reviews:
WarCorgi: Yeah, Portland pulling a Darth Sidious Moment. I was also pretty hyped to read Severak's new Kaiserreich chapter, but I got kinda distracted by the new Hoi DLC ngl. I'm reading it though!
Rick Astley: Darn, I should have made a Kaiserreich reference. It would have actually been perfect!
Severak: Why limit it to just three?
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"So the plan is to kidnap the Emperor." Essex tossed a pistachio shell into a trashcan across the room.
"Correct." I nodded. "Once we take the Emperor, then the Sakura Empire will crumble."
"I suppose that is the most likely possibility." Essex wiped her mouth with a tissue. "So how do you plan to take the Emperor? She's going to be heavily guarded and armed. We can't just walk in and seize her."
"Perhaps a distraction will help." I suggested. "A large diversionary attack to draw out her defenders before a raid on the Imperial palace."
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"What will stop the Emperor from fleeing?" Essex reached for her third cup of hot chocolate. "Surely they'll plan to protect their leader at all costs."
"I don't believe that she'll flee." I shook my head. "Honor and Duty are the two pillars of the Sakura Empire."
"But so is Sacrifice." Essex noted, clawing a handful of French fries. "And Swerntily dat's uh conshwern?"
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I raised an eyebrow as Essex continued to talk and chew with her mouth open.
"hIt's Gwuning to bhe hiqute diffwacault to pull off this operation since they'll only be a very small amount of time for us to kidnap her." Essex swallowed mid sentence. (1)
"Then how about we infiltrate the city beforehand and then when you make a distraction, we'll seize her." I offered, watching the snacks before us slowly drift into the dark void of Essex's stomach.
"But won't we get caught very easily?" Essex pointed out, fitting her sentences in between glugs of Oxy-cola. "I mean, we don't -Blugh- even look like Sakura Ships."
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Ignoring the ill timed burb, Essex was right. The Sakura Empire would spot us out instantly. We have different hulls, different weapons, different everything. It would be far too hard for us to fit in. But how else can we seize the Emperor?
Think!
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"What if we get the Dragon Empery to Infiltrate for us?" I snapped my fingers in realization.
"That… works" Essex stroked her buffalo sauce covered fingers across her chin. "The Dragon Empery knows how the Sakura Empire functions to a T. They also do have prime access into Sakura Territory and can fit in pretty well."
"And the Sakura Empire is already utilizing Empery Ships for labor." I pointed out excitedly. "They would just assume our agents are just workers! That's it!"
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"One question, though." Essex raised her finger, a dark brown sauce dripping down from it, as I was reaching for the telephone. "What will stop the Dragon Empery from executing the Sakura Emperor? They do hold bitter resentment towards her, and we can't afford for the Sakura Emperor to be killed lest we lose our leverage. A dead emperor is a useless emperor after all."
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"I will meet up with the infiltrators and ensure her safety." I decided.
"Are you sure you're up to the task?" Essex asked.
"I'll get back up." I nodded. "You can trust me."
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"If you get caught in a dispute with the Dragon Empery, you'll be surrounded and outgunned." Essex pointed out.
"I did get to the Finals in our Summer Tournament." I pointed out. "It should be fine."
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"I'll make a call to the Dragon Empery then." Essex nodded in approval, getting up as bits of chips and pretzels slid off her suit. "Hopefully, they'll agree."
"They will." I promised, opening the door for her.
"Very well." Essex grabbed her landing deck and exited the office.
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"What was that?" Baltimore passed Essex as she walked over to me in the hallway.
"Oh, Essex and I were just having a quick meeting." I waved it off. "Nothing to make a big deal about."
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"Why wasn't I invited?" Baltimore cautiously asked.
"I was just briefing her on what happened while she was away." I shrugged. "You didn't miss much."
"I see." Baltimore smiled warily. "I'm still your primary ally, right?"
"Yes?" I uneasily answered.
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"Good." Baltimore walked past me, beginning to slowly mutter to herself.
I wonder what's up with her...
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"I'm back." I unlocked the door in front of me as it swung open.
"Portland!" Intrepid gave me a bear hug. "How are you?"
"Busy." I chuckled lightly. "Your sister is a slob and a glutton." (2)
"Tell me something I didn't know." Intrepid rubbed my hair. "Why do you think I'm so good at cooking?"
"You learned to cook for your sister?" I sat down on the couch. "That's so sweet of you!"
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"Nah, it was just a coincidence." Intrepid shook her head.
"Bruh." Montpelier walked out of the kitchen with a bowl of Ice Cream.
"I thought you wanted to eat healthy?" I rubbed her face with a napkin.
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"Why so harsh?" Montpelier backed away from my reach.
"Sorry, I just wanted to do that for the longest time." I recalled the OCD inducing meeting with Essex.
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"This is frozen yogurt by the way." Montpelier justified herself. "Huge difference in health and taste."
"Keep telling yourself that." Intrepid snorted.
"Intrepid, I caught you eating straight from the tub." Montpelier dropped onto the couch with us. "I would be more worried about your bulging extremities."
"I'm getting fatter as fast as you're getting taller." Intrepid crossed her arms.
"Well I'm getting taller, aren't I?" Montpelier lied to herself.
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"Sure…" Intrepid rolled her eyes.
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"Alright, I have to ask you guys for a favor." I broke the silence.
"Sure." Montpelier turned to me after licking her spoon clean. "What do you want?"
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"Well, I'm going to need some backup when we plan to raid the Sakura Home islands." I told them. "It's going to be dangerous, tough, and all around a painful yet necessary mission. Lots of people are going to get hurt, we may lose our lives, and it's going to suck. I will need to bring the best of the best along with me, and I can't think of any better people than you two."
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"Neither can I." Intrepid smiled.
"Well I can." Montpelier slapped my back. "I mean, I'm indispensable, but I would be able to find a suitable replacement for Intrepid."
"And I love you too, Montpelier." Intrepid sighed.
Montpelier stuck her tongue out before turning to me. "So when is the mission?"
"In a few days." I told them. "Once the Dragon Empery gets set."
"Well then we've got to have a rest day!" Montpelier perked up.
"Oh, I'm not really that sure." I scratched the back of my head. "I have a lot of work to do."
"We should go shopping." Intrepid bounced off her idea.
"Maybe another day." I shook my head.
"Come on, you have to go." Montpelier pulled me to my feet. "Let's have some fun. It's been a while since we done that!"
"Baltimore and Louisville can handle everything for a bit." Intrepid reached for her wallet. "You've been working far too hard."
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"Allright, fine." I gave in. "Let's have some fun."
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"So where should we go?" Montpelier licked her lips as she eyed several shops.
"How about Dunquer-"
"Where should we go, Portland?" Montpelier smiled.
"Jerk." Intrepid crossed her arms.
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"How about some place where we haven't been before?" I offered. "Just to spice it up or something."
"So what store haven't we visited..." Montpelier began to look down the boulevard.
"Good question." I gazed at the stores. Gan-guchi, Victorious' Secret, Gridley's libertarian settlement… "We've been to a lot of them, actually..."
"How about the bar?" Montpelier asked, pointing to a dimly lit diner across the street.
"How about we stray away from there." Intrepid saw the same familiar shady back alley that I did. "We might run into some family there."
"Who's family?" Montpelier asked.
"It's best if you don't know." I patted her head.
"You just don't want me drinking alcohol, don't you?" Montpelier pouted.
"You're too young to drink." Intrepid intervened.
"We have alcohol at home." I offered to the scrutiny of both Montpelier and Intrepid. (3)
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"Nevermind." Montpelier changed her mind.
"Then what should we do?" I wondered.
"Do you want to have a fancy dinner?" Intrepid shrugged.
"Sure!" Montpelier snapped her fingers. "There's this fancy french restaurant that I've always wanted to go to."
"But do you want to go there?" Intrepid asked. "I mean, we've got a lot of other options."
"But I'm craving French food right now." Montpelier pushed. "Or as the french would say, jai envie de cuisine francaise~"
"I'm pretty sure the French would say, 'ton français est horrible et tu es une idiote'." Intrepid finessed the cruiser.
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"I still want to eat French food." Montpelier restated.
"I'm pretty sure that French cuisine is too sophistiquée for a commoner like you." Intrepid smugly grinned.
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"First of all, stop flexing-" Montpelier started.
"You started it." Intrepid rolled her eyes.
"-Second, I am a fervent enjoyer of French cuisine and I am very culturally intelligent." Montpelier objected.
"French fries aren't French food." Intrepid told her.
"I know that!" Montpelier exclaimed, puffing her chest out. "I bet you didn't know that French Fries came from Belgium."
"French fries most likely came from Spain, but go on." Intrepid smiled.
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"You know too much about fast food." Montpelier huffed.
"Or perhaps I'm just intelligent?" Intrepid offered.
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Montpelier began to hysterically laugh.
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"That wasn't necessary." Intrepid pinched the small cruiser.
"All right, fine." Montpelier slowly settled down. "Where do you want to eat, then?"
"How about home?" Intrepid decided.
"You mean takeaway?" Montpelier tilted her head.
"No, I mean actual cooking." Intrepid pointed her finger up. "Like, good old-fashioned home-cooked food."
"But we eat that everyday." Montpelier groaned. "It's not like it's Thanksgiving or anything!"
"But we'll have some elevated cooking then." Intrepid began to pace around in the street, her mind whirling with ideas. "Let's see… you wanted french food, right?"
"Let's just go to the restaurant then." Montpelier tugged on her sleeve.
"No, I have a good idea." Intrepid made up her mind. "Let's go to the grocery store and get some food! And then we'll make our own dinner!"
"Do we have to?" Montpelier whined.
"Well I trust your cooking, Intrepid." I pulled the cruiser along. "Come on, you know Intrepid's really good."
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"Fine." Montpelier folded. "Let's see what you have in store."
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"Don't go buying any junk, Intrepid." Montpelier pushed a shopping cart in front of her.
"We are literally unable to buy junk here." Intrepid pointed at the rows and rows of vegetables. "This is Howe Foods after all."
"I know this is Howe Foods, I've been here before." Montpelier pointed at the candied fruit section. "And there does happen to be white chocolate covered pretzels over there."
"White chocolate pretzels..." Intrepid preemptively wiped her drool.
"Howe Foods…" I rubbed my chin. "That sounds like something familiar but I-"
"It isn't." Montpelier and Intrepid denied immediately.
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"Okay, what are you planning to cook?" I asked as we slowly crushed the isles of fresh crops.
"How about something fancy." Intrepid formulated. "Légumes blanchis av-"
"Too much French." Montpelier scoffed.
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"Fine." Intrepid sighed. "LeT'S haVe RaTAtoUilLe THeN fANcY PanTS."
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"You know, that's not a bad idea." Montpelier shrugged as somebody tapped my shoulder. "What vegetables do we need for that?"
"Hello?" I turned around. Louisville was right in front of me. "Oh hey Louisville. What's up?"
"Portland, we've got some news." Louisville noted.
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"What happened?" I asked. "Anything groundbreaking?" (4)
"Several patrols have reported a massive Siren Object rising out of the water between us and the Sakura Empire." Louisville told me. "The fleets had to disperse as it underwent fire, however a follow up air patrol confirmed its existence."
"So the Sirens are surfacing." I rolled up my sleeves. "Got it, I'll prepare and hold an emergency meeting."
"No, it's fine." Louisville stepped in front of me. "You should be spending time with your friends."
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"I have to do this." I stepped to the side, just to have Louisville mirror my movements. "I am the Secretary, after all."
"You should spend the time you have left while you can." Louisville put her hand on my shoulder. "I can take care of this."
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"All right." I let my head down. "You should come over for dinner though. It's going to be really good."
"I'd imagine so." Louisville nodded faintly. "However, I would hate to impose."
"Come on." I put my hand on her shoulder. "At least get a bite with us."
"Maybe later." Louisville waved before leaving.
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"Huh?!" Montpelier squawked disgustedly. "Cucumbers?"
"So what?" Intrepid threw it in the cart as I walked closer.
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"That's quite a garden you've got here." I was somewhat stunned by the sheer volume of food.
"We're going to have something nice, after all." Intrepid took several eggplants and threw them in the cart. "Besides, we'll just eat the vegetables as leftovers."
"Hold it." Montpelier grabbed an eggplant. "Don't we have this at home?"
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"We do not." Intrepid looked away.
"I'm pretty sure you bought some eggplants a while back." Montpelier rubbed her chin. "Though I haven't seen you cook with it yet..."
"Let's just get some fresh vegetables." Intrepid whistled.
"But why-" Montpelier stopped in her tracks as she began to conceitedly grin. "Heh. Wait a minute. We can't eat that eggplant, right?"
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"I don't like where this is headed."
"Is it a Used eggplant?" Montpelier nudged her. "Has it seen the Dark side of the moon?"
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"I will kill you later." Intrepid forced a smile. "Just put it in the cart."
"I'm sure that's what you do every night." Montpelier cackled as she elbowed the furious carrier. "Vegetable pleaser."
"Montpelier, shut up now."
"Oh, why don't we do a neat little experiment!" Montpelier cheekily grabbed an eggplant.
"What are you doing?" Intrepid's eyes widened as Montpelier took the elongated object in one hand.
"I'm just preparing you for your nightly sessions." Montpelier perversely slid the tip of the elongated object up and down along her own thigh.
"Stop!" Intrepid angrily whispered. "We didn't pay for that!"
"That's what she said." Montpelier took the eggplant and slowly caressed the side of the object with her hands.
"You are actually a child." Intrepid tried to grab the vegetable from the cruiser.
"Oh, so you do want a piece of this." Montpelier intensely licked the eggplant from base to tip. "Well get your own! Oh wait..."
"Montpelier, you should stop." Intrepid froze.
"What's stopping me?" Montpelier smirked. "Jealous?"
"How are you doing today?" San Francisco tapped the back of the cruiser.
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"Okay..." Montpelier held up her arms to be handcuffed.
Footnotes:
(1) I accidentally typed in owo when writing this spasm inducing sentence and now I want to die of cringe. (Or by being sandwiched by femboy thi- I mean nothing!)
(2) And a BDSM maniac, but let's not talk about that just yet...
(3) WARNING: Never drink stuff from sketchy bottles! Or from Portland in general...
(4) Yes, Groundbreaking is actually one word. *The More you Know*
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"Is this the right place, Yorktown?" Hamman carefully squinted at the address.
"It seems like it." I checked the mailbox outside. "This is her residence."
"Are you sure?" Hamman nervously followed me to the porch.
"Well, let's see." I pressed my face against the door and looked through the pinhole.
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"You could have at least saved me." Montpelier argued.
"You deserved to be arrested." Portland snorted.
"That's true, but still!" Montpelier whined.
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"Yeah, that's defiantly her." I smiled. "Man, she's so buff now!"
"Are those her friends?" Hamman pointed to the ships sitting next to her.
"Seems so." I replied.
"Portland can make friends?!" Hamman was taken aback.
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"Well we were her friends." I did a final last minute check on my appearance. "She's clearly not that inept."
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"Still it's weird to think that this siscon addict would ever be able to make friends." Hamman shrugged.
"I suppose you're somewhat right." I straightened my dress. "Come on, let's say hi."
"I don't know about this, Yorktown." Hamman just barely avoided stuttering. "I don't-"
"Well it's too late now." I knocked my hand against the door.