I'm having an existential crisis and instead of doing something healthy, I decided to revisit a ten year old irrelevant story. Cheers!

Percy
IX
Winter 2010

What do you get when you shove six demigods into a minivan that can only pick up three radio channels and tell them to start driving before the crack of dawn?

The answer: a lot of very unhappy campers.

"Couldn't they at least have given us a minivan with a DVD player system?" Bobby whined from the seat in front of me.

Hazel turned around in the passenger seat and rolled her eyes. "Those are literally made for children. Are you a child, Bobby?"

"I mean technically, I am an underage minor—so yeah. Besides, no one is too old to watch The Incredibles on a road trip."

Hazel didn't even dignify it with an answer; she turned back to face out of the windshield while Bobby pouted. They've already had this argument twice. We've only been on the road for 20 minutes.

No one else was daring to speak and the radio wasn't adding much to the ambiance of the car: it was mostly static with a couple bars of '80s pop breaking through every minute or so, but for some reason no one would take it off.

I mean, I couldn't do anything about it: I was immediately relegated to the backseat due to my lack of seniority at camp (Dakota was pretty smug about that) and Melody joined me back here only to fall asleep before the car had even started moving (Dakota was less smug about that). Even now, he was sending me little death glares in the rearview mirror from the driver's seat. I actively tried to focus my gaze on the scenery rolling past my window.

Gwen sat in the middle row with Bobby, flipping through a celebrity gossip magazine and doing her absolute best to ignore the way Bobby was poking her arm for attention. After another minute passed without her so much as flinching, he turned his efforts to me.

"Hey, new guy," Bobby said, "Excited to be on your first quest?"

I had chosen to keep my belief that this wasn't my first quest to myself. Sitting here, ballpoint pen in pocket and survival supplies in my backpack, I was experiencing a peculiar sense of deja vu, but I couldn't pinpoint the exact reason why and I didn't want to raise suspicion.

I swallowed back the feeling and focused on Bobby. "Someone not returning and knowing most of us get lost in darkness: I couldn't be more excited."

Bobby smiled. "Yeah, they really like to layer on the sense of impending doom with prophecies. Just once, I would love for one to be like, 'Everything went smoothly! No heroes were harmed in the making of this quest!' But no, it's always gloomy as hell."

Without looking up from her magazine, Gwen said, "I'll send your review to Austin. Tell him to spice it up with something new next time."

Bobby grinned. "Maybe you can also get him to be more specific with the location too. I mean, what kind of destination are we supposed to aim for when the only clue is a general east? There are so many things east of where we are."

The guy's got a point. I was lying in bed last night trying to play through all the locations that would make sense for the sky god to pick as a rebirth spot, but none really came to mind. Mel said that the one Titan holds the sky up on Mount Tamalpais, so it would make sense for that to be the place he comes back, but that's even further west. I was thinking maybe somewhere along the Appalachians?

For some reason that I couldn't explain, I wished that we were going to New York. I'm not sure if I had ever visited the city, but I just had this gut feeling that New York was somewhere I should be.

I was pulled from my thoughts when Mel mumbled something unintelligible in her sleep and shifted her body, immediately going still again.

Gwen smiled at the sound and looked at me. "She's always passed out like a rock when we start things this early."

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm guessing she's not a morning person?"

Gwen's eyes sparkled. "Now, I wouldn't say that."

In fact, the second a glimmer of light started to peek up on the horizon through the windshield, she bolted awake and sat up in her seat, startling me for a second. "Do you always get up this abruptly?"

She smiled. "What was it that girl said in Frozen? 'The sky's awake, so I'm awake.'"

Dakota shot me a death glare, so I didn't say anything else. We kept speeding up the highway—in fact, Dakota was moving at a pace that had me worried about getting pulled over. I wondered what would happen if the police searched the vehicle and found the extensive collection of weaponry in our possession. Well, everyone else's weapons: all I have is a pen and a watch.

We sped through Sacramento and kept moving toward the Nevada border. The dial on the fuel gauge started to dip a little low about an hour later though, so Dakota pulled off the highway as we approached South Lake Tahoe.

"I would hate to run out of fuel in the desert of all places," he explained. "Who knows when we'd come across a gas station there."

"We should also probably look for food while we're out here," Hazel said. "I too would prefer to avoid a stop in Nevada."

As any growing teen boy probably would, I got excited at the promise of food so I offered to help look for something to eat alongside Bobby, Melody, and Hazel.

"We should look for something along the waterfront," I suggested selfishly. I'd felt like a ball of tight nerves since I'd first woke up an amnesiac and I desperately craved the calming presence of a large body of water.

Luckily, no one argued, so Dakota dropped us off near the beach and said he'd pick us back up in about 30 minutes.

Gwen moved up to the passenger seat and stuck her head out the window at us. "We'll fill up on gas and see if we can get a message to someone who can give us a better sense of where to head once we get past the Midwest."

They sped away, but not before Dakota shot me one last death glare.

Melody appeared beside me, hiding a smile. "He can be so dramatic."

I smiled back briefly before taking in the view; the lake really was impressive. It was the middle of winter so the lake was ringed with snow, the mountains rising up around it. Tourists were all around us, certainly there to take advantage of winter sporting options. If we hadn't been so pressed for time, I would've been tempted to snowboard.

As it was, standing so close to the shore with the cool wind off the water hitting my face made me feel at peace. I felt my body physically relax.

"Hey, waterboy!" Melody yelled from about twenty feet away while Bobby and Hazel walked in front of her to a restaurant about a hundred yards away. "Keep up, will you!"

I groaned. "Please don't call me waterboy."

I jogged to catch up. We had only been walking for a few seconds when Bobby narrowed his eyes. "Do you guys hear someone crying?"

We all stopped in our tracks, and I heard the faintest sound of a woman sobbing. I whipped my head around to see where it was coming from, but no one close to us even looked remotely sad.

"Weird," Hazel mumbled. She looked a little on edge, but kept moving forward.

But the crying just got louder as we got closer to the restaurant, hitting our ears as though it was carried by the wind—an inhumanly loud sobbing that would not stop. Small groups of two or three of tourists were stopping to stare at us as we passed them. Then two of them started to walk towards us.

My hand instinctively went to my pocket. Melody's eyes narrowed. "Okay, I can officially say something weird is happening here."

"How perceptive of you," said one of the tourists in front of us. She was wearing a red ski cap and jacket. Her eyes were a pale, watery blue. She and a guy in a green ensemble started to walk toward us, holding sharp javelins.

I uncapped Riptide. Melody pulled her bow out. Gwen was suddenly holding a spear and Bobby brandished a wicked-looking gold knife.

We were surrounded though; a group of twelve people (six girls and six guys) with ages varying from about ten to late teens had us cut off on all sides, holding an assortment of bronze weaponry—spears, swords, and javelins. They all had the same watery blue eyes.

"I get the feeling you're not just a group of tourists with a passion for snowshoeing?" Bobby asked as we all braced for a fight.

I glanced at the water. I could easily summon a big wave to knock out at least some of the group and then I think we could fight the rest. We weren't that outnumbered. It was a viable option.

The girl in red laughed, a couple of the others joining in. "I've got to say, this is my first time really trying out winter. It wasn't really a season where I'm from. Maybe after we kill a few annoying demigods I'll have time to go skiing."

"You said we'd go tubing this afternoon!" A younger boy on the other side of the circle complained.

The girl in red rolled her eyes. "Shut up! We can go tubing tomorrow!"

"But you promised—"

She sighed. "Ignore my younger brother. He can be so immature."

Melody raised her bow, an arrow notched and drawn back, aimed toward the girl. "What do you want from us?"

The girl sneered at her. "I wish I could rip that bow from your hands and shove it down your throat spawn of Apollo, but mother said she wanted to see you first. You're lucky I'm in such a good mood from being alive again."

Mother? Alive again? We were obviously dealing with some mythical enemies, but my memory drew a blank on who they were supposed to be. I mean, nothing new considering my memory at the moment was just one large blank, but still very annoying to feel left in the dark.

Beside me, Mel gave a flippant smile to the other girl. "We just met and you already want to take me to meet your parents? At least buy me dinner first."

The girl thrust her javelin into Mel's face. "You think you're funny? Here's the deal: come with us and we won't push your other two friends off of a cliff."

Hazel swallowed hard. "What other two?"

The girl rolled her eyes. "The two in the van. Our other siblings jumped them just after you guys got out. Now be good captives and come along."

It would have been a really beautiful morning hike if I hadn't had a spear aimed at the back of my skull.

The snowy trail curled up along the side of a mountain, giving a lovely view of the lake as we climbed higher up the slope. I could hear the gentle sound of water trickling down the side of a mountain. Of course, the whole being hostages thing kind of ruined the vibes.

We'd been forced to drop our weapons upon capture, but I could feel my pen reappear in my pocket. I had a feeling I would need it soon.

We kept moving toward the summit. I don't know what or who I was expecting when I reached the top, but the reality definitely did not fit my mental picture.

It looked like a Hallmark store the week before Mother's Day. Floral decorations stood on stands and signs with phrases like "#1 Mom", "Mother Knows Best" and "No one can replace mom!" littered the area. If that wasn't weird enough, there was a middle-aged woman standing at the edge of the cliff, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Mom, we're back!" One of the boys yelled from the front.

The woman whipped around to face us. In her jeans, sensible shoes, and Live Laugh Love t-shirt, she looked like she could be heading to a PTA meeting. The only thing that ruined the image were the mascara tears streaming down her face.

A smile broke out over her face. "My perfect angel children! The best children in the world!"

The boy rolled his eyes. "Mom, you're embarrassing us!"

"Nonsense," she chided. "Look at you guys being great and bringing me the best gift I could ask for: horrible demigods to send to our patron mother!"

She clasped her hands in delight like a soccer mom watching her kid score their first goal. Bobby looked uneasy next to me. Lying at the edge of the cliff, I could make out two limp bodies: Dakota and Gwen.

The woman followed my line of sight. "Oh yes, those two. Each got quite the knock on their heads. I'm pretty sure they're still breathing but I'm so bad with life forms these days!"

Hazel stared up at her quizzically. "These days?"

The woman laughed softly, as if someone had told a funny joke at brunch. "Why, yes! I've mostly been living in a stone form for the past few millennia. That is, until my children were returned to me."

She reached over to pinch one of the girl's cheeks, who grudgingly let her do it.

Melody peered at her. "Why the sudden change?"

The woman's cheerful disposition went cold. "Funny you should ask, daughter of Apollo. You know, your father was the reason was so stony and sad for years."

Just like that, she started crying again. One of the older boys put his arm around his mother's shoulders, and she straightened back up with a smile as if she hadn't cried at all.

I looked at Melody like, Do you know who this psycho is?

She made a face, Uh, no!

The woman, gently stroking the face of one of her kids, said, "Apollo and that wretched sister of his so cruelly murdered all my children. My fourteen beautiful boys and girls were riddled with arrows and left for dead. Such a horrible, horrible thing to do, don't you agree? I didn't stop crying for thousands of years."

Hazel's eyes lit up suddenly. "You're Niobe!"

The woman smiled. "You recognize me! Yes, I am the greatest mother to have ever lived and I was punished for it by those jealous little brats."

Hazel looked at us. "I remember this story: she disrespected Latona, the mom of Apollo and Diana, during a festival dedicated to her. Niobe bragged that she was far more impressive because she had so many more children than Latona so the twins killed them to punish her hubris."

One of the boys frowned. "Can we please stop talking about how we were murdered? It's such a buzzkill."

Niobe said, "Yes, the petty gods were mad at me, and for what? It was a numbers game: Latona had two kids and I had 14. The math was on my side."

Bobby grimaced. "Fourteen kids? Had they not invented the pull out method yet, or…?"

Melody stifled a giggle, but Niobe's eyes flashed murderously towards her. "Oh, you think it's funny? My husband was so stricken with grief that he took his own life. I was so heartbroken that I was taken up Mount Sipylus where I turned to stone, left only to cry, my tears trickling down the slope for everyone to witness my despair."

Mel's smile faded and she almost looked embarrassed. I did kind of see Niobe's point: as rude as she had been, it seemed unfair for the gods to have punished her children for something they hadn't even done. I mean, if trash-talking was a capital offence, there probably wouldn't be any hockey players left on the planet.

"It's okay mom," the girl in the red ski attire said. "Our patron will be here soon to take away these awful godspawn."

"Patron?" Bobby asked.

Niobe smiled darkly. "Yes, our lovely patron. She was so kind to me, bringing all my children out from the Underworld and releasing me from the stone so I could be with them. A great mother herself! She has dozens of children!"

"Who?" Hazel asked, frowning.

"Such a good mother!" Niobe grinned in a way that left me feeling uneasy. "She did me such a kindness and all she asked of us was to collect a few demigods for her to imprison. In fact, her representatives should be here any minute."

My blood went cold. As a general rule, I preferred not to be imprisoned by goddesses, mother or not. My eyes darted over to Gwen and Dakota who still weren't moving by the edge of the cliff; I know the rest of us could probably fight our captors and escape, but I don't know if we could get away while lugging two unconscious bodies.

My eyes glanced over to the stream (is that really made from Niobe's tears?) and I got an idea. I lowered my voice so only Melody could hear. "We need to get to the water over there."

Her eyes flicked to the side. "Bobby and I will give you cover."

I grabbed Hazel by the arm and pulled her toward Dakota and Gwen. I looked up to see Mel firing off arrows at the feet of Niobe's children, each one exploding loudly like a firecracker. Bobby had wrestled a spear from the hands of one of the sons and was using it to keep the others at bay.

The good news: Dakota and Gwen were breathing. The bad news: they were not going to be in fighting shape any time soon.

Hazel looked at me impatiently. "So what's the plan?"

I tapped the button on my wristwatch, causing the bronze shield to spiral out into full form, and I slipped it off of my wrist to hand to her. "Get Dakota and Gwen up, head to the stream at the edge, and get on the shield."

Her eyes widened as she realized what I wanted us to do. "Oh my gods, you are insane."

But I was already uncapping Riptide and heading up close to Bobby. I whacked one of Niobe's daughters with the flat of my blade, ripping her shield from her arm. "Bobby! Grab a shield and come on."

Bobby swept the shaft of his spear under the legs of one of the boys, knocking him over before taking his shield. Melody kept notching and firing firecracker arrows to keep the kids from getting close to us, retreating backwards towards the edge of the cliff.

Niobe was sobbing uncontrollably from the sidelines. "Kill the awful demigods, my children! Do it for your mother!"

They were closing in on us. Bobby jumped onto his shield, pulling Gwen's dead weight onto it with him from Hazel. I threw my stolen shield down and yelled at Melody, "Come on!"

She glanced at me briefly before looking back at our captors. So far, she'd only been using tactical arrows: not a single one had actually pierced anyone. Niobe's kids stood around her weapons raised, but it's clear that these kids weren't fighters; in fact, they flinched when she raised her bow again.

Melody noticed, and lowered the bow, looking sad. "I'm sorry about what my dad did to you. It wasn't your fault; you shouldn't have been punished for your mother being a loudmouth."

Niobe's kids looked at her in confusion. Niobe's tear-stained face grew red. "Go on, kids! Kill her! Her apology means nothing!"

Melody inched backward closer to us. "I don't want to harm you; we just need to leave. And, for the record, what makes a good mom has nothing to do with how many children she births, but how she treats them."

Niobe's kids started to look between each other, with contemplative expressions. "Yeah, mom never came to my chariot race days."

"She made me babysit all of you just because I was the oldest!"

"She wouldn't buy us Lunchables at the grocery store last week!"

"We were supposed to go tubing today!"

They all turned their attention to Niobe's panicked looking face, completely forgetting us for a moment. Melody made the last leap onto my shield.

Bobby grinned at me. "Well, this is either going to kill us or be a lot of fun."

And with that, we all tilted the shields into the stream and tipped down over the edge of the cliff and down the slope.

I'm not going to lie: it was fun. Hazel and Melody were screaming as we pitched down, riding on the stream like an extreme waterslide. I concentrated on making sure the water carried us down smoothly, the shields occasionally hitting a lip in the rock and gaining air, we rocketed down the slope at an exhilaratingly fast speed.

As we approached lake level, I willed the water to spit us out onto the snow and we all skidded to a stop about 40 feet from the base of the mountain. I looked down to see Melody's arms locked around me in a deathly tight grip. Almost as if she had just realized we'd stopped, she dropped her arms to her sides, her face red. "Uh, thanks."

Bobby whooped. "Now that is how you make a getaway!"

Hazel leaned over the edge of her shield and threw up. She looked up weakly and gave me a thumbs up.

Dakota stirred beside her. "Gods, the headache I have."

I looked at him. "Sorry about your potential concussion, but we probably shouldn't hang around. Is the van…?"

Dakota held his head in his hands. "It shouldn't be too far from here. Luckily, I don't think any of those ancient teens knew how to work it so it should still be about a mile from here.

Bobby slung the still-unconscious Gwen over his shoulder. I put my shield back on my wrist and compacted it. Hazel and Melody took the other two shields and strapped them to their backs.

As we headed out, Melody hung back where I was, the sun making her brown eyes glitter in as she beamed up at me. "Pretty impressive work on the retreat there. Not so bad for a so-called quest rookie, waterboy."

I groaned. "Please do not let 'waterboy' stick."

She smiled impishly. "Okay, waterboy."