A/N: "Oh yeah. It's shitpost-time." - Stephen Hawking.

Floor 4 – Caldera Lake

Businessman Shiro Nishida put on his brightest smile as he made his way down the dirt-paved road, towards his favorite fishing spot near Caldera Lake. It was a beautiful day in Aincrad, with the sun glaring unobstructed in the sky, low winds and high temperatures, and Nishida had a strong feeling the fish would come easy.

It had been roughly three weeks since the launch of the game, and yet, the workload at Tohto Broadband Connection remained mountainous. Maintaining the network connection for the world's second biggest online game had proven to be quite the task, and so Nishida always had something to do at work, which gave him very little free time to pursue his favorite hobby: fishing.

Then, just last week, a brilliant idea had come to him in the midst of his work. If Nishida couldn't take the time to go fishing in the real world… well, then he could certainly steal a couple of hours away here and there for himself in the virtual one. And so he had ordered a NerveGear to be installed in his office, for "work-related reasons", of course.

The plan had worked like a charm: every day between 15:00 and 17:00 o'clock, Nishida would sneak away to his office to "check on things in the gameworld". By "check on things", he was obviously referring to the various fishing spots dotted all across Aincrad, but his co-workers had no way of knowing that.

And this was looking to be yet another day in paradise: a beautiful weather setting, perfect conditions, and a magnificent view to boot. Nishida could hardly wait to cast his bait and relax near the lakeside.

Emerging from the woods, Nishida shot a quick glance up and down the lake, his eyes scanning for rival fishermen. To his relief, there did not seem to be anyone, save for one, black-haired teenager, standing at the far side next to some weird contraption.

A kid, huh…? Nishida thought to himself as he found his spot and summoned forth his fishing rod from his inventory. Meh, he's probably not going to be much competition. This lake is rather massive after all, so there should be plenty of fish for the both of us.

A couple of minutes of blissful silence went by, in which Nishida let his thoughts wander freely as his hands kept a firm grip on his fishing rod. But then, a strange sound interrupted the tranquility, drawing Nishida's focus back to the present.

Hmm? What was that?

Casting his gaze to the side, he stared over towards the black-haired teenager again, not expecting to see anything particularly out of the ordinary. But something had indeed changed: the player was now standing next to three weird-looking contraptions, whereas earlier, there had only been one.

What are those things? Nishida wondered as he gave one of them a closer inspection. The contraption appeared to be some sort of wooden box that had a fishing rod attached to its side. The top of the box had been removed, making it possible to deposit items into it. At semi-regular intervals, the fishing rod on the side would spring into life, shaking and reeling, until eventually… a fish would come flying out of the water, and land in the box.

Recognition shot through Nishida's mind at the sight of it.

Oh! I know what that is! It's an Auto-Fisher from the cash shop!

The Auto-Fisher was a $20 item from the cash shop that would automatically fish for you, so long as you remained within a certain radius. It would store all the fish it caught in the wooden box, which could then be collected by the player who had bought the Auto-Fisher.

Most "professional" fishermen in SAO did not like these Auto-Fishers in the slightest. Not only did they take the fun out of fishing, they also only gave 50% Fishing EXP for each fish, making them less effective than just fishing on your own.

The black-haired player here, however, seemed to have side-stepped that issue by purchasing three Auto-Fishers.

So he spent $60 just to skip the Fishing grind? Nishida frowned. Bah, kids these days! No patience. No love for the art of fishing.

Returning his attention to his own rod, Nishida decided that he would pay the player no more mind, so as to not ruin his own mood by watching someone that was blatantly P2W-ing.

A couple more minutes went by, before suddenly: there was another strange sound. Letting out a sigh, Nishida swung his gaze back over to the player… and promptly felt his jaw slacken.

Where there had previously been three Auto-Fishers, there were now 10. They were all neatly lined up near the lakeside, standing shoulder to shoulder as they caught fish at a tremendous pace.

"T-TEN AUTO-FISHERS!? But… But… That's like, $200?!

Nishida could scarcely believe his own eyes: this young man here had seemingly spent a ridiculous amount of money just to grind out his Fishing skill. Three Auto-Fishers had already been stupid enough, but 10? That was just ludicrous, no matter how you looked at it.

No! I have to stop looking at him... I can feel my anger rising already. I came here to have a nice, relaxing time, dammit, and so help me God, I will!

Dragging his focus away, Nishida stared back down into the lake in front of him. He could not allow himself to be distracted any further. His break-time was not unlimited, after all, and so he had to focus on the one thing that really mattered here: fishing.

The frustrating sight of the black-haired player and his Auto-Fishers gradually melted away as the minutes passed by, and before long, Nishida was properly enjoying himself again; basking in the afternoon sun as he caught a fish or two here and there.

It wasn't until nearly 20 minutes later that Nishida once more decided to shoot a quick glance over at the other player again, as he was now mentally prepared to see him standing there with his row of Auto-Fishers.

Nothing could have prepared him for the unholy sight that awaited him.

The 10 Auto-Fishers were still there. Accompanied by roughly 20 more.

"ARGHHHHUAGHRWEHAHSDLGDKRJEUDMAJLGBSUSHJR!" Nishida choked, nearly tripping over his own feet.

The sound of all those Auto-Fishers operating at once was nothing short of deafening. The sheer amount of fish being caught… it gave a whole new meaning to the word "power-levelling".

This is crazy… He has well and truly lost his mind… Nishida gulped, unable to tear his eyes away from the monstrous sight. But even now, the black-haired player was not done. He was still placing down Auto-Fishers.

Before long, well over half the lake was covered with them. It was the single most devilish thing Nishida had ever seen; a direct insult to God's creation. A monument erected for the sole purpose of celebrating the power of capitalism.

Nishida could practically HEAR the black-haired player's EXP bar exploding with progress, shooting right through max level and straight into the stratosphere. The total amount of EXP collected must have been closing in on Googolplex at that point: a number so large, you would run out of universe before you managed to write it all out.

Finally, the player seemed to be satisfied with the number of Auto-Fishers. He stopped placing down more, and turned to gaze upon his Fishing Empire. A wide grin appeared on his face as he took it all in. And then…

He started applying Efficiency Boosters to every single Auto-Fisher.

Nishida's will to live gave out at that precise moment, and the old man fell backwards onto his backside, his consciousness dimming at the heresy unfolding in front of him.

A/N: Read and review, fellas. Follow the story to be notified of more shitposting in the future.

Oh, and go read "Merchant Prince of Aincrad" by Agent 94. Is good shit. Also, it has Argo!

Until next time, gentlemen.

-Twisted