Disclaimer: I do not own any of the material appearing in this story.

"Ah, Beldam. You came back." Grodus said as he turned around. "How was your… uuuuh… why do you look like death?"

"You do NOT want to know." Beldam mumbled, smoke still coming out of her hat.

"Guh guuuh…"

"What the devil is this place? This is so… hi tech." Doopliss said.

"Who is this ghostly fool?" Grodus asked.

"Name's Doopliss, nice to meet ya!"

"…Who names their kid Doopliss?" Beldam mumbled. "Freak in a sheet is a lot better."

"Oh yeah? Who names their kid Beldam? No wonder your sister left you." Doopliss snarked.

"Why you…!"

"And you, Thunderbolt." Grodus said as he saw her walking in. "I take it you were caught up in the mess?"

"Yes."

"I see." Grodus nodded. "Well, in any case, go lick your wounds and try again. The next Crystal Star has been found at an island called Keelhaul Key. Thunderbolt, I want you to go get it before those heroes do… and bring Crump with you. He wants to have another go."

"Very well." Thunderbolt nodded and then walked off right as an X-Naut walked in.

"…Perfume?" The X-Naut wondered before shrugging. "Eh, in any case… Sir Grodus! We have urgent news!"

"That being?"

"The seal on the Thousand Year Door is weakening."

"What?! Are you sure?"

"Indeed."

"Hmph… soon, that treasure will be mine… and if those heroes get in my way… I might just have to spill some blood."

Meanwhile…

Kairi leaned on a wall in TEC's room, casually looking through her gummi phone when the door opened up as she and TEC looked over to see Thunderbolt approaching them. "So, how was it?" Kairi asked as Thunderbolt reached for her mask and pulled it off, revealing it was none other than Peach.

"They didn't suspect a thing~!" Peach giggled.

"I told you it'd work."

"Indeed. How's our friend doing?"

"Still knocked out." Kairi responded as Peach took off the outfit. "Then again, you did whack her on the head with the frying pan."

"Maybe I was a bit too strong." Peach giggled.

"So, how was it blending in?" Kairi asked.

"Oh, pretty great. Though when I lit up the Superbombomb, everyone was throwing it around like a hot potato before Beldam was tricked and ran away with it." Peach said. "Sora threw down a crystal barrier with a Crystal Star and everyone ran behind it… they did kick Doopliss out, but I'm surprised they didn't do it with me…"

"Odd…" Kairi mused.

"Although, I'm chalking it up to that everyone was focused on protecting themselves from the barrier that they didn't even notice I was behind it." Peach said.

"So tunnel vision?"

"Apparently." Peach shrugged.

"Regardless, my plan worked and no one was the wiser." TEC said. "Perhaps we can do the same with you, Kairi."

"Hopefully, I don't summon my Keyblade to ruin the illusion." Kairi sweatdropped.

"Just hold the gunblade in your hand all the time." Peach said.

"Oh… that could work…" Kairi mused.

"Now then… there's something that requires the heroes' attention." TEC said as the two looked at each other curiously. "We are going to do a little quiz."

"Aaaand that requires their attention because…?" Peach wondered.

"You'll find out." TEC said as the duo looked at each other as Kairi put her Gummi Phone into TEC. "Now then, let me call them."

Meanwhile…

BGM: Hall of the Thousand Year Door (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door)

"You feeling okay?" Bea asked as they walking down the steps.

"Eh… not really…" Noire mumbled. "I mean, it's one thing to steal a body but… I can't help but feel as if he was got all feesly with me…" She shuddered. "Did he… did he ever…?"

Bea slowly nodded. "Yeah… he was."

Noire let out a groan. "Oh that's great." She sighed.

"And as far as I've know you, you don't really do that stuff… right?"

"Of course I don't! Sure, I check myself out when I'm cosplaying but that's about all I do." Noire sighed. "Whatever, if I see that idiot again, I'm gonna pummel him to the ground."

"That's the spirit!" Aerith grinned.

"I think we all will." Sora said. "Though I think Mario should get the first swing."

"No no, ladies first." Mario insisted. "…Though I call the second hit."

Noire chuckled. "Sounds good to me." She said as Mario stepped up on the pedestal, and one light show later, they would see an island pop up.

"Uh… did I just see an island pop up… on the island on the map?" Koops tilted his head.

"Oh good, you saw that too!" Nocturne said.

"Guess that's where we're going." Sora said. "Wonder where the island is, though?"

"One way to find out." Luigi said as they headed back to Frankly's.

End BGM

Once at Frankly's…

BGM: Frankly's Theme (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door)

"Ah, good news! According to the map, you're heading off to-"

End BGM

Immediately, Sora's Gummi Phone went off. "…Hold that thought." Sora said and pulled it out to answer it. "Yo."

"Ah, excellent."

"…Huh? Who just said that?" Sora asked.

"Ah, forgive my intrusion. I am TEC-XX. I am keeping a close eye on Princess Peach and Kairi."

"Wait, is this guy working for the X-Nauts?" Aerith wondered.

"Yeah, but he's a good guy! …I think." Kairi said.

"What the heck is going on…?" Goombella wondered.

"Now that we have everyone here, let us do a little quiz."

"…A quiz? That's what you called us for?" Mario raised an eyebrow.

"It was his idea!" Peach shrugged.

In the X-Naut Fortress…

BGM: Just Wondering (Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories)

"Now then, first question. What will happen if you collect seven Crystal Stars? A: Your wish is granted, B: The Thousand Year Door opens, C: A thousand coins appears."

"Oh, that's preposterous. Everyone knows you can hold only nine hundred and ninety nine coins!" Luigi said. "Not like you can carry an extra nine for some special odyssey or something!"

Why do I feel like you just jinxed that? Both Mario and Peach thought.

"That's a simple question, computer. It's to open up the Thousand Year Door." Frankly said.

"Yeah, what he said." Bea nodded.

"Correct. Next question: What is Grodus's goal? Is it A: To conquer the world, B: To get rich, C: To become a superhero."

"Super Hero? What's that Grodus guy gonna turn into? Iron Machine? Captain Robot?" Kairi rolled her eyes.

"…Maybe to get abs to make the ladies swoon for a shirtless scene when he becomes a hammer wielding god?" Peach snickered.

"Ah geez, just what we need. A god complex." Aerith snarked, causing Nocturne and Vivian to snicker.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he pulled a Wario…" Mario mumbled.

"Simple, it's to conquer the world." Sora said.

"Correct. Third question: What is the legendary treasure that waits behind the Thousand Year Door? Is it A: One hundred million coins, B: A rare badge, Or C: A thousand year old demon soul."

"Huh?!" Bea perked up when she heard the last answer.

"Please don't be C… please don't be C… please don't be C…" Luigi hoped.

"TEC… what are you trying to tell us…?" Peach asked nervously.

"Please, just answer the question."

Peach gulped. "Is it… a thousand year old demon soul?"

End BGM

"Correct."

BGM: Fifth Laboratory (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood)

"Wh-Wh-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Frankly yelled.

"Holy Arceus… I was right? I… I didn't think that was the true answer…" Bea said. "I was kinda… joking."

"Geez, I was WAY off…" Nocturne said.

"Welp. We're boned." Koops muttered as Sora and the Bros looked at each other with concern, while Aerith and Noire looked unsure.

"Next question: What does Grodus wish to do with the demon's soul? Is it A: Cherish it always, B: Bring the demon soul back to life, Or C: Hang out with it."

"Please, for the love of the Mushroom Kingdom, let it be B!" Luigi pleaded.

"Unfortunately, I've a feeling they're going to bring it back to life." Mario said.

"Correct."

"…Welp, nice knowing y'all!" Luigi said, earning a slap upside the head from Vivian. "Ooof!"

"Pull yourself together, man!"

"I wonder… can we beat it?" Noire wondered.

"I hope so." Aerith hoped.

"Final question: What is required to seal the demon up again? Is it A: A Legendary Sword, B: A magic spell, or C: The Crystal Stars."

"Well, it'd be cool if we brought Link along…" Noire mused.

"What kind of magic spell are we talking here?" Koops wondered. "Would Aerith have such a spell?"

"Uh… maybe?"

"The Crystal Stars!" Sora and Kairi said together.

"That is correct. Thank you all… and have a very good day." TEC said and before the heroes could say anything, TEC turned off the gummi phone.

End BGM

"That went well." TEC said.

"TEC… is all of that true?" Peach asked as Kairi walked over to snag the phone.

"Honestly? I think so." Kairi said.

"It is indeed."

"But why… why would you tell us this?" Peach asked.

"Because… I am more interested in helping you realize what Grodus is planning on doing and to help you figure out a way to escape from the X-Nauts and stop them from realizing their goal."

"If you need help." A voice spoke up as the girls turned to see Lightning approaching them. "Perhaps I could arrange something."

Meanwhile, with Bowser…

"C-C-C-CRIMINY! IT'S BOWSER AND HIS KOOPA TROOP! …PLUS A WRINKLY OLD MAN!" A Cheep Cheep exclaimed. "LIFE IS TOO SHORT!" He yelled as he took off… running? Flopping? Whatever land Cheep Cheeps do.

"Wrinky old man? Heh, as if. Someone's been out of the water too long." Xigbar chuckled.

"So where does this crummy old blimp take us?" Bowser asked.

"According to this, apparently to Glitzville. Home to the Glitz Pit Tournament." Kamek said.

"Oooh, I heard the hot dogs are good there!" Kammy said.

"…Uh, hold up, guys!" Red spoke up as they turned to him looking through a phone. "Apparently there's been a scandal there."

"Eh? What you talking about?" Paraplonk wondered.

"Apparently this guy named Grubba has been hiding and sucking out the fighter's power just to juice himself up. Also, the Phantom Thieves took care of business with a Calling Card… or at least, that's what this Grubba guy is saying. He's denying that he's the one who did it, but everyone is suspicious of GlitzPitGate.

"Gate?" Junior wondered, picturing a gate around the Glitz Pit. "…What does a gate have to do with a scandal?"

"We'll tell you when you're older." General Guy said.

"Aww."

"Bah! Nothing but slander." Bowser waved it off, summoning his Koopa Clown Car. "I say we go to Glitzville to see what this is all about!" He said as he hopped into the Clown Car as he was joined by those who couldn't fly while Junior got in his own car, where Xigbar had got into Bowser's Koopa Clown car as they all flew off.

As they were flying in the air, Bowser's Clown Car was smoking. "Uh… we got a problem!" Yellow said.

"I'll say… I just repaired the motor last week. And I filled the tank up just yesterday!" Bowser said.

"No no no, it's not that. Apparently we're exceeding the weight limit."

"Uh oh…" Goomp said.

"We gotta get rid of something!" Sergeant Guy said.

"Might I suggest the cannonballs?" General Guy asked.

"No need. Last thing to get in has got to go!" Bowser said, picking up Xigbar.

"Hey, what are you doing?!" Xigbar wondered as Bowser threw him off the car.

"Nothing personal!" Bowser called out.

"…Oh hey, the weight limit went down. We're good to fly again!" Yellow said.

"You're kidding, right?" Kamek asked, hearing this.

"My my… that's quite the revelation." Kammy mused.

"…Wait, aren't we above the ocean?" Junior spoke up.

"Ooooh…" Bowser grimaced. "…Eh, I'm sure he'll be fine."

Once at the Glitz Pit…

BGM: Glitzville (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door)

"Bwahahaha!" Bowser roared. "Alright, let's see what's so special about this Glitz Pit!"

With a nod, they would walk over to the Glitz Pit, but they were blocked by security.

"No way in without a ticket, bub. Due to the controversy, we are currently allowing people in with tickets for the time being."

"Alright, I don't want any trouble..." Bowser said. "We'll just have to go get tickets. Where are they at?"

"At the juice bar."

With a nod, the Koopa Troop would walk to the juice bar... and discover all the tickets were gone. "WHAT THE?!" Bowser yelled.

"All of them are gone just like that?" Kamek wondered, all of them unaware of Xigbar, who was dripping wet, walking up to the security and handed them all the tickets.

"That is a lot of tickets, bub. Looks like all of them."

"You didn't get them from me." Xigbar said, handing him a bag of munny as he shifted his eyes and then took them.

"Right this way, sir."

Xigbar walked in, giving Bowser and Co a smirk. "Next time, don't dunk me into the ocean." He said, snapping his fingers to make the distance between the Juice Bar to the Glitz Pit about ten miles long so no one can disturb him watching the fights.

"Hmph, in all honesty, I thought Bowser was the excess weight."

With Riku and Namine...

"...Do I hear engines?" Namine wondered.

"I was going to ask the same thing." Riku said as they got closer where they would see a race being held before them.

"Races held every day, the coveted gold trophy is constantly being switched around to different people all the time." Blooey said while reading a sign. "Wow, they couldn't just duplicate it?"

"Duplication spells, good one." Jerry chuckled as they would get closer to the race track where everyone was going ballistic as several racers made it across the finish line.

"There you have it folks!" The announcer exclaimed. "The trophy goes to the first place winner! But don't get too excited, because we'll be having another grand prix in just a few minutes!"

The four of them would see the trophy had a piece of the Marvelous Compass. "Riku?"

"Yeah, I see it." Riku nodded.

"Soooo... I guess the only way to get that is by racing." Jerry said.

"Welp, let's go register." Blooey said as they did so, but then noticed a garage where they would see a green Buzzy Beetle working on a vehicle.

"Doubles... are you kidding, where am I gonna find one on such short notice..." He grumbled as they curiously walked over to him.

"Hey, what's going on?" Namine asked.

"Apparently the next Grand Prix is gonna be doubles and I have these perfectly modeled coaches, but I have no one to race with." Torque said. "If you could find me somebody, I'll be grateful."

The four of them looked at the coaches, as both of them were modeled after the Heart and Bloom Coaches from Double Dash, but one of them was dark purple and the other was white and black.

"Actually, we might know a few people..." Riku said.

A few minutes later...

"Alright, welcome to the next Grand Prix of the day, and the last one for today as well. For this grand event, there will be a total of four races, completely randomized! What it'll be, nobody knows!"

Riku and Namine was up front with the dark purple coach, where Riku had nicknamed it the Car to Dawn while Blooey and Jerry were on the other coach, Blooey nicknaming it the Blooper Scooper, something that Jerry found to be absolutely dumb.

Joining them were a pair of Inklings on a modified Inkstriker, and Villager and Isabelle on a modified City Tripper, while a bunch of other racers consisted of Shy Guys, Koopas, a Monty Mole, and Hammer/Fire/Ice/Boomerang Bros.

"Alright, racers on your mark!" A Lakitu came up as everyone revved up.

"Do you know how to drive?" Namine asked.

"I'm sure it'll be easy to figure out."

Namine paled. "We're doomed..."

"Get set!"

The track in front of them transformed in front of them, transforming into a replica of Kalimari Desert.

"A desert? For this Blooper? Oh dear..." Blooey sweatdropped.

"GO!"

Three courses later...

"It's been an exciting match, but four remain in this knock out grand prix! Riku and Namine! Blooey and Jerry! The Inklings! And the mayor and Isabelle! Who will get the gold? We'll see!"

"Okay, so they announced Kalimari Desert, DK Summit and Sherbet Land, so this last one should be an interesting one." Riku said.

"I still wanna know who snowboards and ice skates in the middle of a race track..." Namine mumbled.

"For this last one, we're going all out! 200CC, all items are on high... we're ending today with a bang!"

"...200 CC?" Namine asked.

"Oooh, I've got a bad feeling about this." Jerry said.

"Shouldn't be too bad!" Blooey said as the track formed around them, as it turned out to be none other than... Baby Park.

"Because of the speed, we bumped up the laps from seven to ten!"

"Seven? Whatever happened to three?" Namine asked.

"Something about this track must be special... and I suddenly have a bad feeling..." Riku said, as Lakitu came flying down with the lights, everyone revving up and once it turned green, they were off!

BGM: Baby Park (Mario Kart 8)

"WAAAAAH!!!" Namine cried, nearly falling off the railing as she wasn't expecting this kind of insane speed.

"Okay, this is completely uncomfortable!" Riku said as he already drifted while driving through an item box, also nearly knocking Namine off.

"Curse me for not having any AAAAAARMS!!!" Jerry yelled, trying his best not to go flying off.

Namine had a Banana Peel pop up in her hand. "One of these races, I actually would like to eat a banana." She said, dropping it on the ground as the Inklings would swerve around it.

Jerry would turn around. "Eat shell!" He said, throwing it right as they drifted as it bounced off the wall and started bouncing around the track.

"Wah!" Blooey yelped. "Really? Bouncing off the walls at such close quarters?!" He yelled as the Inklings ran over a double item box.

"Oh squid yeah, a red shell!" The orange Inkling Girl grinned.

"Seriously? A coin?" The blue Inkling Boy grumbled, as the Inkling Girl would throw it at Villager and Isabelle.

"Yowch!" Isabelle yelped.

"Stay fresh~!" The Inkling Boy said as they drove off, only to be smacked in the side by the green shell. "Ooof!"

Isabelle and Villager ran over a double item box, where two Bowser Shells would appear. "Oh my!" Isabelle gasped.

"Shall we then?" Villager asked.

"...Oh, heck with it. Let's do it~!" Isabelle smiled as she threw it as they then switched places as Villager would throw his.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me." Riku said, doing his best to swerve around the ricocheting Bowser Shells while Blooey and Jerry got hit by both.

"Ow! OOOMPH!" Jerry grunted.

"I'm okay!" Blooey said as they were in last place as they drove through an item box as they drifted. "Hey Jerry, what lap are we on?"

"I honestly lost track!" Jerry said as a Bullet Bill appeared by his side. "Oh hello!" He said as he activated it where they would turn into a Bullet Bill and fly past the Inklings, Isabelle and Villager as they would emerge right next to Riku and Namine, where Namine would have a Piranha Plant in her hand.

"Let's see what this one do-" Suddenly, they got hit by lightning bolts as they were shrunk down, as the Inklings drove through, and when they grew back to size, Jerry and Blooey would throw red shells at them while Riku drove over an item box.

"What the... what are you?" Namine wondered, staring at a small creature in her hand. "I'm sure it'll be useful..." She said as she unleashed it.

...However, said creature happened to be a Chain Chomp, as it would drag them all willy nilly.

"WAAAAAH!!!" Namine cried.

"Where did that come from?!" Blooey asked in surprise.

"Namine, what did you do?!" Riku asked, trying his best to brake but the Chain Chomp was whipping them around.

"You drove through it, it's on you!" Namine said as the Chain Chomp bowled over green shells and knocked over a Bob-omb that exploded into Isabelle and Villager's kart, then the Chain Chomp bowled over both of the Bowser Shells as they started ricocheting all over the place again.

"Hmm?" Inkling Girl turned her head. "HOLY-" She yelped as the Chain Chomp bowled over them until the Chain Chomp broke free as it leapt off the track and kept going off into the distance.

"Well, the good news is, we're first!" Riku said as Blooey and Jerry were close by.

"Why do I suddenly feel dread..." Namine said as she turned her head and saw a Blue Shell flying toward them. "Uh oh... RIKU! We got a blue bogey!"

Immediately, Riku braked as hard as he could as Jerry and Blooey drove past. "What's gotten into them?" Jerry wondered as Blooey would look into the rearview mirror.

"That's why!" He said as he braked, then the Inklings drove past.

"Hahaha! Suckers!" Inkling Girl turned around to do the "Up yours" taunt, and then spotted the blue shell. "Meep!"

"Meep? What's meep?" Inkling Boy wondered as he looked. "...Oh squid my life..." He groaned as he spotted a Star on the ground. "Aha!" He said as he drove. "Come on, come on... don't fail me now!"

"Dude! I don't think we're gonna make it!"

"We'll make it!"

The Blue Shell caught up to them as Inkling Boy inched closer to the star while Inkling Girl would have a Boomerang Flower on her as she tries to throw the boomerang but it bounced off of the blue shell.

"Oh squid!" She paled.

"We'll make it! COME ON!!!" He yelled, as they were just inches away from the Star.

...And then the Blue Shell slammed into them.

"YAAAAAAAGH!!!" They both cried as the star went flying as the other racers drove off as Isabelle and Villager closed in on them as the star would fall... and landed on Blooey and Jerry.

"WHITE TORPEDO COMING THROUGH!" Blooey yelled as he zipped away, crossing the finish line as Riku and Namine just inched past Villager and Isabelle, hitting second place while the latter reached third place.

...And two disappointed Mario Karted Inklings reached fourth.

End BGM

"WE HAVE A WINNER!" The announcer called out as Blooey and Jerry cheered and attempted to chest bump each other, then Namine would come in to high five the both of them. Villager and Isabelle would happily clap for them.

The Inklings looked absolutely annoyed but would clap, but given how they tend to be sore losers, it was more of a sarcastic clap

"Sweet!" Blooey said as the trophy was given to them as they would pull off the Marvelous Compass piece to add it to the Marvelous Compass, where it would point them to their next destination.

"Jazzafrazz Town... got it." Riku nodded as the four of them ran off.

"...Wait, why aren't they taking the trophy with them?" Torque wondered. "Hey, wait up!" He said as he chased after them.

And thus ends an epic yet crazy as all hell Mario Kart race.

...Seriously, Nintendo, port Double Dash to the Switch. Just imagine the chaos that'd happen in Baby Park again!

(Of course, I'm being biased as Double Dash is my all time favorite Mario Kart. Haha.)