ii. two; reverse
She's grumpy.
Following her, he feels the need to whine: "I said I was sorry!" They enter her tiny laundry room and Asuka flips on the lightswitch before she starts throwing her clothes from yesterday into the washing machine. He stops at the door, knowing that his presence inside will make it worse. (Not to mention, it's generally better for his safety and health if he maintains distance with a mad Asuka.) "I didn't know, honest!"
Yesterday, she looked so disgruntled from being splashed by the trout that Judai pitifully offered to do the laundry that day for her, if only to get her to stop sulking. He didn't really mention that small part to her, but at least he still did the laundry out of the goodness of his heart! Except… He got distracted by chasing after Pharaoh because the cat stole his phone that was placed near the washing machine, which made Judai… forget… the laundry detergent… Obviously, cats are menances when you're trying to do the laundry. Pharaoh hid somewhere last night, and Judai still can't find him today. That smart, lazy cat.
Asuka looks tired as she measures the detergent herself. All he can do is look sheepish, nervously smiling for his life. "It's fine," she says, strained, as she turns on the machine.
"What your face looks like doesn't really match with what you're saying," he murmurs, meek.
She sighs, slackening her expression. "This blouse is one of my favorites," she explains, sounding less tense as she places the detergent aside. "I got it as a housewarming gift from Junko and Momoe."
"Clothes for a housewarming gift?" He's no expert on the topic by any means, but shouldn't you give out house interior stuff for housewarming gifts?
"They're still hooked on fashion," reminisces Asuka, fond. He steps aside for her as she starts making her way to the door, and he follows her to the living room after she flicks the light off. "I don't mind, though. I'd rather have new clothes that I can wear instead of something that would sit and gather dust on a shelf."
Humming absently, a revelation sinks into him: "Come to think of it, I never got you a housewarming gift." He hasn't gotten anyone gifts in a long time. In fact, he wasn't even around when she moved in here, only finding out that she lives here after randomly wandering and he somehow saw her name on the door plate.
"Don't worry about it. I don't mind," she reassures him, going to her bookshelf. (Maybe he can still get something for her on the side if he finds anything.)
He watches her scour the shelves. She's smiling at a book she picked. "Is reading that fun?"
"Mhm," Asuka hums, already on the couch and opening her book.
Curiously, he watches her.
While he's already aware that she likes reading, he never really paid attention to how books made Asuka light up. Sure, she does other things than reading—like watching TV with him or going on her laptop or doing chores or going shopping or dueling with him—but there's always a happy shine to her eyes when she's reading books. Judai never really felt that way when he still read in school. He didn't really read because it caught his interest, but he read because it was required. Even then, the information goes through one ear and out the other. Not his fault that most of the books they were required to read were rather mundane and lackluster.
But then it occurs to him. There are more than one genre of books out there, right? Actually, Asuka never really specified what types of books or genres she read…
Now that he's thinking about it, what sorts of books does she like reading anyway? Educational books because she's a teacher? She's a girl, but he feels like she doesn't read girly things because of how she's always been so studious. Maybe she reads those as a guilty pleasure or something? She and Rei are probably the only girls he's friends with on a friend level and not an acquaintance level like with Junko and Momoe, but he's never seen Rei or Junko or Momoe read before to get an understanding of what other girls read.
Quietly walking behind Asuka, his eyes scan the pages she's engrossed into as he leans on the back of the couch to peek over her shoulder. "So many words," he comments, looking at the tiny font. Maybe it isn't an educational book after all, since books about dueling often have diagrams and pictures or infographics.
Asuka looks piqued by his reaction. "It's shorter than a textbook?" she offers.
"How many pages?"
"About four-hundred." He gives a wide-eyed stare. Weren't their old textbooks around the same lengths, or did they have more than four-hundred pages? She must've been offended by his look because she adds, defensively, "I've seen textbooks with a thousand pages before!"
If anything, he looks more awestruck. He could probably only read about two pages before giving up, but that's just based on the assumption that he's reading about something that doesn't really pique his interest. "How do you sit there and read so many words in one sitting?" he asks, skeptically.
There is a challenge in the way she raises an eyebrow at him. Oops. "How do you sit still for a while when you're waiting to catch a fish?"
To be honest, he doesn't know either. Fishing is his personal thinking time, but he isn't sure how to convey that to her. "Alright, you win," he easily surrenders, a peacemaking smile in place.
If she has the energy to retort that at him, then he can tell reading is something comforting for her like how fishing is to him. He can't exactly badmouth that when he also got a tiny bit defensive about fishing yesterday when she said that all you can do while fishing is cast a line and sit. That, and also because Kenzan said it was never a good idea to get on Asuka's bad side, which both Judai and Kenzan take rather seriously.
He pushes himself off the back of the couch and circles around to sit on the floor at the low table in front of where Asuka is sitting, taking the remote for the television.
But Asuka speaks up just before he turns on the TV: "I like reading—" Looking up, he glances over his shoulder. "—because I like being able to imagine the story. I think it's amazing that people are able to create their own world using words, and I like to read about them. Even something like an informative book is nice to read sometimes. People can share their knowledge on paper."
Huh, it's not everyday that she looks timid. For her to look like that while admitting something personal to his face, she's brave. It's admirable.
Admitting personal things like that to others is something he struggles with, but… He did tell her about fishing, and it hadn't felt awkward or wrong to him when he did. For some reason, it's easy to admit things to Asuka, like with Johan. Both Johan and Asuka seem to take his words to heart or something. He's not sure himself, but it makes him feel at ease to know that those two listen to him rather than slap a title on him and address him as someone that he really isn't. He wonders if Asuka ever had those sorts of troubles herself when she was still called the Queen of Obelisks. If she did, then it makes him happy that he could be someone that she can talk to like this since he felt like that when people at Duel Academia started to regard him as the top duelist when he really isn't, in his opinion.
And besides, it's not like he hates reading or anything. Everyone should know that he's not booksmart, so it's a no brainer that he and books are not compatible. Books are unengaging to him as someone who prefers activity. He is merely not interested. If Asuka is interested, then good for her. She should be able to like what she likes, after all.
Judai smiles and nods. "That's cool. I hadn't looked at it that way."
Awkwardly, she returns the smile, not quite back to reading her book yet as she sits there, like she's embarrassed.
So, he gently teases: "Not going to convince me to give it a shot?"
The corner of her lips quirk up. "I won't even try," Asuka shoots down lightheartedly, flipping a page in her book. "You can sit still to fish, but I know you won't do that with a book."
"Books just remind me of school." Scrunching his face, he regards her book with distaste. Chronos-sensei shoved a bunch of books at him too, during third year. Judai can't even remember half of the stuff he was forced to write and read that year, so it's a miracle that some of those things stuck to him long enough for him to graduate. "And we all know how my grades went."
She nods, looking very serious. "I sometimes wonder how you graduated."
"I wonder the same thing," Judai easily grins, conversationally. At least now he doesn't have to be forced to do schoolwork anymore. Major perk right there!
Asuka suggests, like an afterthought, "Maybe you'll be more interested if you find the right book. There are lots of books out there. I'm sure you'll find one that you'll like."
His eyes roll up to the ceiling in recollection, thoughtful. Since he travels often, it's not uncommon for him to pass by places that sell books or other things to read. At first, his brain just associates books and Duel Academia together during the first few months he wandered after graduation passed, but ever since he knew that Asuka likes reading, he also thinks of her at the mention of books, especially the books centered on dueling. In fact, he sometimes wondered if Asuka would like anything from there if he ever walked by bookstores in passing nowadays.
"I've passed by bookstores and magazine stalls before." He looks through newspapers too, mainly to see if there's any sort of trouble in the headlines. "Never went into the bookstores, but I flip through the magazines to pass time."
"You need to touch and look through a real book some time. Not even read through it. Just... skim," Asuka insists. "And no, manga doesn't count."
He looks amused.
Geez, it's like she thinks traveling and saving the world gives him time to leisurely browse through manga. What if he's just wandering in the middle of nowhere with no bookstores around, which is most of the time? Rolling his eyes, he snickers, "Jokes on you, since I don't even own manga or look through them." Well, he used to. He hopes his old childhood manga collection is doing okay with his parents. (At some point, he also looked through Sho's manga collection.) "At least, not anymore." He smiles, because there's no point in dwelling on this now. "But anyway, I'll look through a book or two someday if it'll make you happy, 'kay?"
Perking, she starts looking really happy. "You better keep your word, Judai."
"You know I would, Asuka," he says casually.
He resumes taking the remote and turning on the TV, respectfully lowering the volume for her. Asuka is probably back to reading since he hears page noises. Finding the usual channel that he likes watching pro-duels on, Judai starts watching.
But in the back of his mind somewhere, he thinks that maybe going through a book or two for her won't be so bad if she can be happy like this.
.
.
In the following day, it had started out as relatively slow and normal with him wanting to nap while Asuka wanted to look through her mail after breakfast. But of all the things to happen, Judai didn't expect to wake up from his nap in the living room to Winged Kuriboh adamantly prodding at him.
Groggily, he rubs his eyes as his spirit friend squeaks at him wildly. It looks concerned, so he murmurs lowly, "Is something wrong, Winged Kuriboh?"
"Kuri, kuri! Kuri!" it keeps screeching at him, using its paw to gesture towards a direction.
Still half-asleep, Judai has to take a moment to let his eyes adjust to the light of the living room before looking at the aforementioned direction towards the couch to see Asuka… crying?
Wait.
What?
He forces himself to sit up straighter, back and neck stiff, focusing his eyes on the piece of paper in her hands and the small drops of water dripping from her face. Water on her face… Tears? How long had she been—
Only recently, says Yubel.
It only confuses him. Only recently?
Unsure, he asks aloud, tentatively, "Are you crying?"
Looking startled, Asuka accidentally drops the piece of paper onto her lap. Her fingers touch the tears dripping down her cheeks, looking distracted. He's starting to worry because it doesn't seem like she's even aware that she had been crying until he asked her, and now she looks a little ashamed of herself after he pointed it out.
When she turns away and starts using her sleeve to wipe her eyes, Judai immediately stands up from the armchair to walk over and inspect her. Through all the years he's known Asuka, he knows that she doesn't cry in front of people. She's always had some strong front up, like she knows she can't get stronger if she shows signs of weakness. He knows how it feels, because he used to be the same. Maybe he's still like that in the present, but right now, knowing that Asuka is okay matters more.
"I'm fine," she finally mumbles, trying to maintain her composure.
His eyes narrow at her, not fooled in the slightest. If she cries, then it's serious.
Disapprovingly, Judai frowns. "Yeah, right. You're not the type of person who cries over nothing, Asuka."
Somewhat grumpy, he plops himself onto the couch next to her, no longer able to nap. Running a hand through his bangs, he wonders if she was crying because of that paper she was reading. It bothers him to know that, despite every single thing they've been through together, it only takes one piece of paper to make Asuka cry. Whatever was written on that paper must've been pretty emotional for her, and he can't seem to come up with any conclusions on what it could be about.
If he knows her by now, he knows that she often bottles things up if something is bothering her because she likes to solve things by herself. He can't exactly disrespect that, because he used to do that too. It's like she always had something to prove by doing things by herself, like she needs to do it herself in order to show that she's capable.
On the day when they met Titan at the abandoned dorms, Judai always had this impression of Asuka. There had been plenty of spooky rumors concerning that dorm, especially the one of the missing students, but Asuka treated it like nothing special when he, Sho, and Hayato bumped into her that night in the woods. She even had the gall to tell him that the area was off-limits, even though she was there too and even blatantly refused to tell him why she was there in the first place!
He couldn't resist the urge to help her when she told him about finding Fubuki that day—he could tell that the extent of how much she feels for her brother is a lot. If she had been wandering at night, by herself, at some abandoned dorm to search for him, then Fubuki really means the world to her. It left him thinking, I wonder if I can help her out a little bit, because he just… really wanted to do something nice for her. He supposes he accomplished that when he found the framed photo of Fubuki along with Etoile Cyber's card she had lost. It made him feel pleased knowing that some of his effort paid off for her in the small and limited ways he tried to help her with.
Personally, during their first year, he hadn't understood the importance of how much it could hurt to lose someone. To him at the time, if you searched long enough for something, then you could find it. If Asuka searched hard enough, then she could find Fubuki. While that had been the case for her because of him, Judai's learned that life is never that easy in other situations where the circumstances are much more broader, more involved. The Dark World proved that to him.
All of this led him to know that Fubuki is important to her. Judai noticed that Asuka tends to react more if it involves him, so… Maybe that piece of paper she has right now is something about Fubuki? Although, if there's another thing he knows about Asuka, it's that she's headstrong. Too headstrong to actually admit things like that. Her pride is like a flaw for her or something, because she always tries to keep her chin up and head held high, even when she's perturbed. It hides what she feels. It makes it hard for him to guess.
Headstrong, but also very stubborn. Too stubborn to actually tell him what's wrong.
Like right now.
Silence.
Sitting in this dragging silence, he starts thinking of funny stories from his memories to cheer her up. While he is concerned right now, Judai knows her to a point where he is aware that she doesn't want to talk about things if she doesn't want to. From personal experiences, he knows better than to pry. Makes him feel more bottled up in a way. He's not sure if it's the same for her, but he doesn't want her to feel more bottled up if that's really the case.
Not to mention, he doesn't really know how to comfort crying people. Maybe if someone like Sho was crying, Judai could've easily given them an encouraging head pat and motivating speech—but with Asuka, she's a lot more careful with what emotions she shows. She's smart, so she's thoughtful of how she acts. It makes him be more considerate of his own behavior around her, in case he says something wrong. (Sometimes, he slips up on accident.) By 'considerate,' he means making her smile if she's feeling sad because they're friends and friends cheer each other up.
He wants to be her friend, just like how she became a friend to him.
He finally digs up a befitting story to tell. Since they went fishing yesterday, why not tell a fishing story? "One time, I accidentally caught a piece of a steak Edo was eating when I was fishing." It's not like Edo is present to hear it, so Judai thinks it's okay to use some creative license with this story so that Asuka can laugh.
She blinks. "Eh...?"
Unfazed, he continues to reminisce, "I think he sliced my line off with his knife and fork. It was like he's a ninja." Sho and Kenzan were even helping him pull at the rod, but apparently Edo was just too strong. (And isn't Edo supposed to be younger than all three of them…?)
She's quiet, but he sees signs of a small smile from his periphery. That's good. He's doing this right then.
So, he continues: "I was sooo hungry, too. I thought I caught a big fish for a moment." He uses his hands to measure an invisible fish, bass-sized, in front of him.
She's still quiet, but that's okay because he still has plenty of fishing woes to talk about to last a while.
"I didn't realize I lost my hook for about five minutes because I thought some fish stole it. That was how hungry I was," he deadpans, casually gesturing to himself with a hand just for some theatrics.
Asuka makes a small noise—barely noticeable, but he heard it anyway.
His glance is a playful, gauging look. "I thought I was going to faint, dreaming about food and fish instead. Maybe a fish empire—"
Her fingers snatch his sleeve, and she finally loses it in front of him. "Okay, stop!" she pleas, sounding breathless.
"Feel better yet?" inquires Judai with a grin, triumphant. He isn't one-hundred percent sure which part she actually started to laugh at, but it's still an accomplishment nonetheless. He was only kidding about the fish empire thing, but it seemed too funny to not joke about. Nodding, she lets go of his sleeve. "Good. I'm guessing you won't tell me what's wrong, so I might as well tell you fishing stories to cheer you up."
Her fingers toy with the paper on her lap. "I was just… thinking about my life, that's all." He is quiet, listening. "I'm just proud of how far I made it to be here."
She broke down crying because she's proud of her progress in life? It makes him feel skeptical, but she looks significantly better than before and her cheeks are dry, so he supposes there's nothing wrong with feeling proud of herself if she really feels that way after all.
Judai teases gently, "So much that you cry about it?"
"I put in a lot of work to be here! I had a lot of support too," she says, looking sheepish.
"And that's good!" He nods approvingly. "I know you work super hard, so I always knew you'd be successful." She's always working too hard. There's a reason why she used to be the student representative for their grade level at Duel Academia before they graduated in their final year. "I believe in you. The Asuka I always know never gives up."
Taking an envelope, Asuka slips the paper into it while saying, "Thank you." It sounds very sincere, like he reassured her in something. (So… It was a letter she had been reading?)
Again, Asuka is headstrong. So headstrong to a point where she starts picking out details to mull over, because she prefers to have all the knowledge rather than fragments to understand something. If she doesn't have her answers, then she starts wondering about the what ifs and possibilities, sometimes taking it to an upscaled level. (Maybe the Dark World also affected her in a way, and not just him.)
He could see why she functions that way. If you have the answers, then there wouldn't be misunderstandings. He and her had their fair shares of misunderstandings before. Still, that doesn't erase the fact that worrying is something she does a lot.
Nodding, he lightly comments, "You sure worry about the littlest things," because it's true.
"What do you mean?"
Looking at her, he says, "If you're proud of what you're doing and how you're ending up, then why even bother worrying about it? Shouldn't you focus that energy into making sure that you're doing your best for the next day?" Asuka glances over her shoulder, pausing in the arrangement of her photos. Judai stares at his hands, fiddling with his fingers. "That's what I say, but I guess I shouldn't be talking about that, huh?"
He had to learn this himself after graduation.
"No—" she interrupts, gently. "—I think you have a point." He absently notices that she's been messing with a photo album as they talk. What sorts of photos does she keep? "I'll work on that. Being more positive, I mean. It's just in my character to worry. Nii-san told me that a few times." Asuka's smile looks very fond. Judai wholeheartedly agrees, to be honest.
"Okaa-san," he whispers loudly, amused. The 'Okaa-san' joke is something he likes to crack often, which says a lot about how often and how much she cares about stuff. She always took care of everyone in their circle of friends and kept things tame, sort of like a mom. There's nothing more befitting for her! Not that it's a bad thing. It's good that she cares. It shows that she's a considerate person, like how he remembers his own mother while growing up.
Looking exasperated, she gives him a flat look for the unofficial-but-accurate name. He grins, cheeky. Probably concluding that his names for her are terrible, Asuka stands up, taking the album with her as she walks to the shelves.
Curiously, he looks at her. Seeing her stand on a stool makes him ask, "How come you didn't ask me to put it away for you?"
"Because I'm... taller?" she says slowly, raising an eyebrow. It makes him stifle a laugh.
Okay, so only he noticed then?
Judai never bothered to care about things like height differences—he doesn't see why it's of any importance when it doesn't concern… anything? At least, he doesn't think so. Back in first year, he always had to tilt his head up a little just to meet Asuka in the eyes, and he was never bothered because why should he? It never got in the way of his dueling, so that was the end of it.
But eventually, as time passed, he didn't have to start tilting his head up anymore to talk with her. He simply just looked forward in front of him to see her face. It made communication easier for him. Judai respects her just as much as she respects him, so their heights led him to feel like they have equal footing. He helps her, she helps him. He stands with her, she stands with him. He has her, she has him. In a way, it's all balanced. They're rivals and friends, but they're also balanced.
Sho always made him feel like he had a lot of expectations to meet. It made him feel stuffy and a little tired, because he's just a regular individual like everyone else, right? He doesn't see why an aniki has to be so full of expectations when he just wants to be himself. Sometimes, it felt like Sho idolizes him more than his actual brother. (Judai wonders if Kaiser ever felt resentful of him for that, even during his time as Hell Kaiser.) The aniki stuff was less intense with Kenzan, but Kenzan seemed more confident in himself than Sho was. Manjoume is also his rival like Asuka, but it can be hard to spend time with Manjoume since he likes to deny things and not say what he really feels and yells at him a lot, like a big ol' grouch. They're equals in terms of their rivalry, but not as balanced as him and Asuka. He won't say that she's special because all of his friends are special, but it's easier for him to interact with her.
So when he first discovered her apartment after graduation, he found out that he had to tilt his head down to talk with her. As a result, their height difference had been something Judai just became aware of. He got taller. It makes a difference to him because it reminds him of how much time changed. Height differences still don't really matter to him that much, but there is a tiny bit of smugness inside of him the moment it reiterates in his head: he's taller than Asuka now. He's still not as tall as Johan, but maybe people will finally stop seeing him as a runt from now on.
Standing up from the couch, Judai saunters to her. "That's what you thought, but I think I grew a few inches after graduation. See?" Gently prying the album from her, he extends on his tiptoes and successfully inserts the album back. "Told ya!" The moment he looks at her gaping face, he almost laughs aloud at her incredulity. So, she really didn't notice at all?
"You used your toes." She looks like she's fighting a smile on her face, like she can't believe it's that big of a deal. It isn't, but it's still nice to know that he grew some inches for himself through the years. He always thought he was destined to stay the same height or something.
"Ah, but did I use a stool?" He grins.
Hopping off the aforementioned stool, Asuka rolls her eyes. "Are you just gloating now?"
Yes. "Maybe?" he vaguely offers, playfully. It gives him material to tease her over. That's always a nice bonus. He uses his hand to measure their heights. Her eyes probably meet where his nose is. "Just wanted to show you that I've done some growing."
"Congratulations on growing up," she jokes before turning away to probably walk back to her room.
He didn't know what he was expecting for her reply, but it definitely wasn't that. He doesn't follow after her, but he whines, "I don't like your tone!"
She casually pretends he said nothing, and he hears a click of her door instead. Gosh, maybe feeling tall was something she was proud of?
Shaking his head, he goes back to the couch and sits down, trying to remember when one of Edo's latest pro-duels would air on TV. He had heard about Edo partaking in a tournament in Russia a while back on the ship while coming over to Asuka's place, and he'd been mildly keen enough to keep himself updated on it because it's a full month tournament this time. Since it's a whole month long, maybe he might see Manjoume or Kaiser participating too. Those two always get the interesting opponents and he enjoys watching Manjoume and Kaiser think on their feet, especially Manjoume since he tries to change up his deck and strategies a lot each tournament. But it's been a while since he's seen either of them, so there's a chance that they might not even be there in Russia for all he knows.
Judai's about to grab the remote sitting on the table— But he stops to look at an envelope next to the remote instead.
Asuka must have left it here. He vaguely remembers seeing her slipping that letter into this envelope. Upon leaning closer, he sees that the return address says a familiar name on it.
And just like that, everything clicks together in his head.
She really does worry about the littlest things.
He obviously doesn't know Fubuki as well as Asuka does, but he's pretty sure that Fubuki would never mail his own sister something that would make her sad. (Although, she does get mad—) Judai respects her privacy, so he won't go prying this letter open, but it seems that Asuka's habit of worrying over small things has struck again. Absently staring at the envelope, he can safely assume that something in the letter personally connected to her life, considering their talk just now.
Personally, he doesn't see why she should worry over that at all. She had told him before that it's hard juggling between so many things, especially when the school year is happening, but she must be doing exceptionally better than what she originally thought because she's always so determined to get everything done. Judai himself could probably do that if he forced himself to, but it's not really that effective without the right motivation, which he never seems to have. Even when she thinks she's lost or confused, Asuka somehow pulls through. If she doesn't, then she accepts the loss with grace and respect instead of breaking down. If she knows that she's going down, then she does so with honor and without complaints. He wished he could have done the same. In many ways, she's like a role model.
His earlier guess about Fubuki being the cause of her crying was just a pure hunch, but it makes sense to him. Fubuki, in many ways, has access to things about Asuka that Judai never had. This letter is one of those reminders. But at least he still has access to her trust, and that's all he really needs to see Asuka as Asuka. He just never realized that, despite all of her strong traits, she is still a person with insecurities like the person he saw today. He saw a new side of her today, and it only contributes to the image that he has of her in his mind.
I believe in you, he had told her. Thank you, she had replied back, smiling.
It makes him feel trusted. It's nice. He wonders if she ever gave anyone else these kinds of smiles before.
Swiping the remote off the table, Judai turns on the TV. Fubuki's letter continues to sit on the table, untouched.