vi. six; reverse
"Judai-kun, that's lotion."
Blinking, he looks down at his hands and sees the bottle of lotion that should belong to Asuka since this is her bathroom. Seated on the floor himself, he had been absently trying to twist the cap off while being lost in his thoughts, but he finally realizes what the problem is after looking at Pharaoh lazily lounging in the bathtub in front of him.
"Oh." Unenthusiastically, Judai leaves the cap alone and swaps the bottle of lotion with the bottle of cat shampoo next to it on the floor. "Thanks, Daitokuji-sensei."
As he successfully opens the cap of this bottle, Daitokuji-sensei cringes, most likely at his somber zombie-like state today.
Judai ended up waiting outside on the balcony until two in the morning yesterday because Fubuki really did end up calling Asuka, and Fubuki just had to talk to her for several long hours of the night since it should've been morning from his location, wherever he is right now. He didn't want to risk anything if he stayed in the living room, so Judai adamantly stayed on the balcony and sat in the cold air for those passing hours with no complaints and a heavy heart. To help make it bearable, Yubel made conversation by saying that fools don't catch colds, and the saddest part is that he couldn't refute that statement whatsoever.
Because despite not having a good night's sleep yesterday, he feels perfectly healthy right now, so he supposes this is just some solid evidence that he's really a fool like what Yubel said. Great.
Daitokuji-sensei cringes again as Judai sighs while squirting some shampoo on Pharaoh. "It wasn't your fault, nya…"
Rubbing the shampoo over Pharaoh, he agonizes, "Not my fault for which part? The part where I turned her down, or the part where she looked like she wanted to cry?" Gloomy, he stares at Pharaoh and wonders what it would be like to live as a cat for the rest of his life. Cats don't have to worry about this kind of stuff, right? All Pharaoh really does is eat and sleep, like a lazy king on his throne. Judai really envies this cat right now.
It seems that Daitokuji-sensei can't stop cringing this morning. "Heartbreak is… common… among girls, nya…?" he replies meekly, finger in the air.
"...You don't seem so sure of yourself," comments Judai, despondent. If he feels like the worst person alive for rejecting someone, then his sympathies are flying out to the people getting rejected, including Asuka. He can only imagine how it must've been to be in her shoes yesterday night. Either way, at least he can be absolutely certain that he'd feel downright miserable in both scenarios.
This time, Daitokuji-sensei switches from cringing to nervous laughter. "Well, I never had to go through with rejecting people before, nya… I've never even been confessed to."
At this, Judai gives a pained smile. "Lucky you." Cats and dead spirits of his teachers seem to have it better than him.
"I don't see why you're still hung up on it," says Yubel, showing up next to Daitokuji-sensei. "You even said it yourself: she wanted an answer, and you gave her one."
How can he not be hung up on it when he basically shattered the heart of one of his close friends? "She's still hurt, though."
"Rejection usually entails that," they reply, passively. "You did your part already, so it's up to her to decide how to take it. You aren't the only one who is experiencing the repercussions."
He closes his mouth.
While he's brooding about breaking her heart, Yubel's words make him think about how Asuka must be feeling right now. Given her reaction, there's no doubt that she'd be equally depressed like him—if not, more depressing. And Yubel does have some good points. If he already gave her an answer to her confession, the rest is up to Asuka and how she handles it. But while she's doing that, what should he even do? Obviously, they're still on awkward talking terms right now and he can't exactly think about anything else when her whole apartment literally reminds him of her.
"Yubel-san, maybe you're being a bit hard on him, nya?" Daitokuji-sensei tries to chide gently.
Dully, Yubel returns the look. "Reality can be painful and truths can hurt. I'm merely being realistic, sensei."
"I surrender…" As a form of defeat, Daitokuji-sensei raises his hands with a resigned smile, not wanting to test Yubel's patience.
Judai quietly stares back and forth between them, apprehensive.
Maybe it's time for him to go fishing again.
Yeah, fishing.
Fishing always took his mind off of stuff whenever he needed a distraction, and he seriously needs a distraction right now.
Alright. Fishing it is.
In the midst of his thoughts, Pharaoh splashes some of the soapy bathtub water into his face. Judai shakes his head to clear some of the water away from his eyes. (Is this how Asuka felt when that trout splashed her?) He watches in silent awe as Pharaoh leaps out of the bathtub and scatters soap suds everywhere in Asuka's bathroom, probably feeling restless from being in the tub for so long. Judai didn't even get to rinse him off yet, nor did he even finish applying the shampoo.
"I hope you realize that you're the one tasked with cleaning this up," Yubel casually says, watching Pharaoh crawl under the sink.
Blinking, Judai takes a moment to survey the small bathroom half-littered with soap and half-littered with water. The last thing Asuka needs on her plate right now is a soapy mess in her bathroom, so he resignedly grabs a nearby towel after rolling up his sleeves and wonders, again, why his life really sucks.
Daitokuji-sensei apologetically smiles. "I don't think I ever mentioned it, but Pharaoh hides a lot if you take too long washing him, nya."
Are you kidding me? Judai only sighs loudly, wiping the floor.
.
.
The moment he steps into the living room with a clean, dried Pharaoh in his arms, he sees Asuka sitting at the dining table and slowly peeling oranges.
Despite the earlier chat he had with Yubel and Daitokuji-sensei, he still feels pretty awkward since this is the first time he and her are in the same room together after he rejected her. He mumbles, "Morning," while setting Pharaoh on the floor and avoiding eye contact. He also sits down himself because this way, he can look at Pharaoh or the floor instead.
She sounds better than yesterday, but not enough to qualify as happy: "Good morning, Judai. I forgot to peel these yesterday. You can help yourself to some if you want."
He remembers that she brought some oranges back with her yesterday upon her return to the apartment. At the time, he had no qualms about sharing the oranges with her since they've shared things before. But now… "That's okay," he politely declines, scratching Pharaoh behind the ears.
A pause, then she says, "I see you finally found Pharaoh. Where was he hiding at?"
How come she's still trying to talk to him? "Under my bed." Had he not been trying to step around in the dark at two in the morning, he wouldn't have found Pharaoh by almost stepping over his tail when he tried to go to sleep. "Found him sleeping while being covered in cobwebs."
"I hope it wasn't a pain to clean him."
It was. He smiles faintly. "He kept squirming and wriggling. He ran off when I came with the shampoo earlier." It took him some time, but she probably has the sparkliest bathroom now within this entire apartment complex after he cleaned up Pharaoh's soapy mess. It didn't help that Pharaoh scrambled away each time Judai came close to catching him either.
"I have cat shampoo?"
Finally brave enough to look up, Judai gives her a small smile. "I bring my own since there's obviously no cat shampoo if I'm in the middle of nowhere."
Asuka only replies with a hum, sounding disappointed. (Had she been trying to start a conversation?)
He watches quietly as she busies herself with the oranges, peeling three of them. Why three—
She grabs the plastic wrap. "I'll leave these here for you, in case you change your mind."
Oh. So she's not saving them for later? He really thought she would be resentful with him, so he didn't consider that she peeled those oranges for him.
She opens her fridge and quietly slides the plate of oranges inside, something stiff in her posture as she does so. Sadly, the way she stops trying to make chit-chat with him just now only makes him aware that she's still affected by yesterday. Hurriedly taking her book and one orange, Asuka quickly walks down the hallway without giving him another glance, her head adamantly down.
Judai can only stare after her back with remorse evident in his eyes, and he keeps staring until she closes her door, something heavy sinking in his chest.
Is it supposed to hurt this much? He and Asuka have always been pretty different from each other, so he knows to expect times where they don't exactly see eye-to-eye about things. But for all of those times, they have also managed to work around things and compromise with each other for an ideal solution that fits the two of them. As long as they can do that, things turn out okay in the end and he's always been fine with that. It was perfect like that.
But now, it just feels like they're worlds apart.
And it hurts.
It hasn't hurt so much in years for him.
Sighing for the umpteenth time this morning, he stands up and tries to remember where he last placed his fishing rod.
.
.
Judai had come back to this lake to go fishing and not think about Asuka, but ironically enough, all he did so far in the past thirty minutes of his arrival was eat these orange slices that Asuka prepared for him while his fishing rod is currently lying next to him, unused and untouched. Sitting on the grass, he plops a slice of orange into his mouth and glumly chews.
Yubel watches him drown his sorrows with oranges. "You'll start to resemble one of those wood creatures the more you stuff your face."
Used to Yubel's medieval lingo, he swallows and replies, "You mean squirrels?"
"Yes," they say, rolling their eyes.
He eats another slice, chewing slowly. He wouldn't mind being a squirrel, to be honest. Squirrels, like cats and dead spirits, don't have to worry about things like breaking people's hearts, or worrying about whether or not it's in the middle of losing an important friendship. Maybe if he's lucky, he'll be an animal in his next life. "Sign me up, I suppose," he replies, swallowing.
They look unamused. "You already signed yourself up the moment you started eating those." Not reacting, he keeps chewing with a tight smile. "She would be happy knowing that you finished them."
Psh. 'Happy.' Okay.
Mood dipping, he glances at the two whole oranges he's holding with the plastic wrap he took along with him. Given his unsteady state of mind right now, he only ate one slice at a time, so there's still a lot for him to go through. Not even half of one orange is gone yet, which is an insult to his normal eating pace. Despite the sweet flavor, he feels very sour. "Y'think so?"
Idly floating by him, Yubel calmly studies the lake. "Happiness comes easy for her, I've noticed." He gives them a skeptical look. "Excluding yesterday, she had been in higher spirits."
No duh. Feeling like everything is falling apart lately, he tiredly asks, "What d'you mean?" He finally eats another orange slice.
"You're already aware of it yourself." Yubel looks at him.
As he chews, Judai furrows his brow, trying to think.
He already knows? Well obviously, Asuka would generally be happier before yesterday, so he doesn't see why that part is important to note. She was pretty grumpy when he first dropped by a week ago after he got off his ship to her place at midnight, but it's probably not that or else she would've kicked him out long ago. She enjoyed the fishing trips, so maybe that?
Yubel watches him, like his thinking is entertainment. "Happiness can be many things."
Pausing, he taps the oranges with his fingers. "Are you happy then?"
In this moment, Yubel shares with him a memory: two teenagers standing at a balcony of a palace at night—one points at the stars with vigor, and the other quietly smiles. It gives him a semblance of nostalgia, despite the fact that it's from a previous life. Their souls are forever together now, so this means Yubel can always be happy like in that long-ago memory. He's fine with that, because he feels the same. Haou feels the same. "I thought that would be obvious by now."
With a teasing smile, he replies, "I couldn't tell since you're so grumpy."
"And I can't tell if you want things to go back to normal or not since you're switching topics."
Oh.
They got him there.
Slowly, he eats another orange slice. At this rate, he'll never finish half of this orange. "Maybe if you told me why she is—" He corrects himself, "—was happy, that'd be great."
"It'd also be great if you could utilize the intelligence you've spent years acquiring from school." They ignore his indignant grumble in the midst of his chewing. Gosh, it's not like school even teaches you how to not break people's hearts anyway. If anything, Chronos-sensei broke more hearts by giving out detentions every five days a week. "Why do you visit her?"
"Because she's my friend," he glumly answers. Used to be her friend, he probably should've said.
"And that makes you happy," they nod along. It sounds more like a statement to him than a question.
He can't seem to understand Yubel's intentions right now with all the questions, but he answers anyway because Yubel always has a hidden motive: "Yeah."
"Then I would assume those visits would make her happy as well."
Asuka has never minded his sporadic visiting.
Quietly, he sits there. Yubel may be outdated in the way modern society works, but that only makes them understand it through careful observation. And they observe Judai's life a lot. "I thought you didn't like my friends?"
"I don't," Yubel casually replies. "But they hold significance in your life." Like Asuka. "Did you not say before that you wanted to be happy?"
"Yeah, I did." And it's not turning out so great right now.
"You haven't felt happy," Yubel notes, scrutinizing him. "And I do not mean since yesterday."
They can read his heart, so he knows all of his memories are exposed to Yubel unless Judai himself blocks them out—but he doesn't, because Yubel is right. "It's really peaceful here," he says, trying his hardest to sound pleasant despite his mood drop. He reminisces about a younger him opening the front door of an empty house with no lights on. Then he starts thinking about his current self opening the door to Asuka's apartment, the lights being on and she is there smiling. "I can't remember the last time I've felt like this."
It's really nice at Asuka's place. It's quiet, but not lonely. It's quiet, but he knows that she's always just a door or living room or kitchen away. It helps that the layout of her apartment puts the living room directly across the kitchen with no walls separating both spaces other than a hallway path. It makes talking easier if he is ever watching TV in her living room while she does her work in the kitchen and he could always lean over the couch to tell her something, or when she sorts her practice decks in the living room while he eats a snack from the kitchen before he could join her later for a duel or two.
It's different than with Johan or Jim, but also not different in a way. He's not trying to discriminate because he knows that Johan, Jim, and Asuka all welcome him to their places. It just feels like the experience is different with all three of them because they are all different. Individually different. He can have fun with all three of them, but what they do to have fun is different. He and Johan have fun by channel-flipping to find funny shows to watch or go around town and find card shops to go through, while he and Jim have fun by making jokes out of fossil names or building a brand new make-believe creature out of Jim's fossil collection to see who can be the most creative. He and Asuka have fun by dueling each other with her practice decks to see how many cool combos they can make or go on their fishing trips.
Granted, they only had those two fishing trips very recently, but it brightened him up to know that she enjoyed those. She's still the only one he's gone fishing with who hasn't ever fished before, so it's especially a warm notion that she enjoyed them. He's essentially her first exposure to fishing, and it makes him feel great to know that he made an impact on her with it since it's his favorite hobby. It's like he can open her eyes to a lot of things when he's with her. He's not saying that she's sheltered or anything because she's far from it, but their differences allow the two of them to open up to each other in a way.
He and Johan are similar, and he and Jim are similar. It's why Judai can get along with them easily, but he also really likes it at Asuka's place. Because it's a different type of peace here for him. It's why he feels this way with Asuka right now. It's comforting, like a comfort place. He'd like to come back if she would still accept his company after yesterday.
But isn't that just contradicting the reason why he had to reject her?
How come he can be really conflicted about breaking her heart, but be so at ease about feeling comfortable at her place? Why is he so confused anyway? He gave her an answer and that should've been enough on his part to do as someone who received a confession, but he just feels a million times worse.
He can't feel something back for her, because she'd get hurt. He can't. He doesn't feel that way. He doesn't. How can love work out for him anyway? Hasn't Yubel suffered enough because of him? Hasn't everyone suffered enough because of him? He can love his friends, he can love Yubel, but he can't love someone like that. How can Asuka feel like this for him when he's clearly fed up with himself? It just doesn't make sense to Judai right now, and it probably won't for a while with his mind boggled like this.
Making a frustrated noise, he tosses another orange slice into his mouth and sulks while chewing. If only things weren't so complicated. For starters, he doesn't even know how she fell in love with him to begin with, for goodness' sake! She used to call him an idiot! Maybe she likes idiots because they make her feel smarter? It feels like it was only yesterday when Asuka outright announced to everyone that dueling was her 'only' love.
Sensing his mood shift, Yubel eyes him. "You're not obligated to change answers."
"I know," he mutters, disgruntled. "But—"
"Then why is she always on your mind lately?"
He exhales deeply. "Because I hurt her."
Yubel looks at him in the eyes calmly. "Giving her an answer is a responsibility. Whether to feel something towards it or not is a choice."
Taking another deep breath, he slows his chewing and swallows carefully. When did Yubel understand so much about modern society so quickly? "What does it mean if I choose to feel something about it?"
Yubel also takes a pause, thoughtful. "It means that I can't help you."
Wondering what that means, he distractedly eats another orange slice. "Do you think she's a good person?"
Floating, they answer, "She takes care of you. I don't need another reason."
He knows that his well-being is something Yubel greatly cares about. It's really hard for them whenever he's heavily injured since Yubel's powers cannot materialize themself like they can do for other duel spirits. Since they can't do that, Yubel sometimes has to possess his body if he's unconscious just to take him somewhere to rest. Luckily, this hardly happens to him anymore. Asuka sometimes freaked out whenever he had badly-injured bruises upon visits, so maybe her tendency to care had convinced Yubel of something about her that Judai can't quite make sense of unless Yubel tells him themself.
He asks, instead, "Do you think I did the right thing?"
"I believe in what you believe," they reply, simply.
Unable to carry the conversation anymore, Judai fumbles with the oranges again. He finally finished half of one orange, but all he can think of right now as he looks at the remaining slices is a sad smile that looks like it's hiding a desire to cry. He's responsible for this smile. He doesn't really like seeing this smile at all—
His phone suddenly rings in the midst of his thoughts.
Belatedly, he notices that Yubel faded back into him. If it's almost early noon where he is, then it should be evening across the world. Does O'Brien have something urgent to tell him? He gets calls from O'Brien the most since O'Brien's his main source of knowing whether or not the world is in serious trouble or not. Is the world in serious trouble right now? That's honestly the last thing Judai needs right now, considering his situation with Asuka. No, actually… Saving the world right now might actually distract him.
Taking out his phone, he sees the caller ID and has to widen his eyes. That's not O'Brien's name. He clicks a button to accept the call. "Manjoume? Did you need something?" he asks immediately, because Manjoume never calls him first. What—
"Look behind you, slacker."
Not really in the mood to play games today, Judai halfheartedly peeks over his shoulder… to see the Ojama Brothers leaning really close to him with scrunched up faces. Yelping incoherently, he jumps before scooting backwards in reflex, wondering who among Pegasus' staff designed the Ojama card line to look this scary. Maybe he should remind the trio at some point who took care of their cards when White Manjoume threw them away. (Somehow, through an unknown force of the universe, every piece of Asuka's oranges are miraculously safe on his lap.)
Grimacing, he glances up at Manjoume, who is sauntering out of a bush and smirking while putting his phone to sleep triumphantly. Nearby, the Ojama Brothers collectively snicker at him. Now he knows why Yubel vanished. "You couldn't have tapped my shoulder or something?"
Sliding his hands into his pockets, Manjoume keeps smirking. "I got my phone fixed up today, and I wanted to liven things up while I tested it by making you my guinea pig."
Judai raises his eyebrow as Ojama Yellow floats up to him to whisper, "That's what he says, but I think he's in denial. He's just glad to see you, Judai-no-danna!" His eyebrow raises higher. Really? It seems more like Manjoume came to bully him, like usual. Then again, it is Manjoume.
"What are you telling him, Zero ATK?"
"N-Nothing, Aniki! I'll leave so that you two can catch up!" Ojama Yellow jumps, innocently smiling as he mimes zipping his lips before flying away to his brothers a couple feet away, his master scowling suspiciously as he watches.
They sure get along. Smiling, Judai asks, "What happened to your phone?" Winged Kuriboh comes out to go play with the Ojama Brothers.
"A fan made me drop it during a signing session," Manjoume replies casually, dropping his scowl. "Anyway, I thought I was seeing things when I was passing by for a walk, but it really is you—" His eyes stray to the oranges, looking like it's normal to find Judai alone in park lakes and depressingly eating oranges. "—eating oranges."
Despite his poor mood, Judai helpfully lifts up the plastic wrap with both hands after putting back his phone in his pocket. "Want some? They're sweet." And a bitter reminder of Asuka. "And seedless. Plenty for two."
Wearing a flat expression, his old friend deadpans, "My common sense says no, but I guess this is common for you." Nevertheless, Manjoume sits down on the grass, cross-legged, and takes a slice from the batch. Judai also eats another piece, wondering if his breakfast and lunch today are literally just (bitter)sweet oranges. "Why do you even have these anyway?"
He's about to say that these were peeled by Asuka, but clamps his mouth shut at the last minute as something crucial pops up in his head.
Of course. Of course, he just had to bump into Manjoume a day after breaking Asuka's heart. Life is funny like that. Life sucks like that. If Manjoume found out about yesterday, Judai wonders if he would be seeing a perfect reenactment of buildings burning down into ashes within Asuka's neighborhood while he gets wildly chased like when he first encountered Paradox in Venice during his trip to Italy. He never knew who was the leader of Asuka's crazy fanclub at school, but Manjoume is a good runner-up for the position if Judai had to nominate someone. Telling him would be dangerous.
"That doesn't matter," he answers dismissively, feigning nonchalance. "I'm more interested in why you're here, Manjoume."
"Thunder," Manjoume automatically corrects him as he coolly takes another orange slice. "It's my day off. I was here finishing up a tournament the past week." Incredulously, Judai widens his eyes a bit. He and Asuka were this close to bumping into Manjoume for a whole week? The same week Judai came here? "It's going to be aired on TV like with my other duels, but this one's going to be a two hour special instead. I heard it's to help promote summer events happening soon, but I don't know since I'm flying to Germany in two days."
Disappointedly, Judai swallows the slice he was eating. Gee, if he weren't facing all this tension with Asuka right now, he could've felt much more excited to watch that on TV later— Wait. Manjoume liked Asuka at one point, but she rejected him. He wonders if Manjoume ever had any problems trying to sort out his feelings like Judai is right now.
Setting the plastic wrap of oranges on the grass in between them, he inwardly shakes his head as he grabs his fishing rod. Manjoume would kill him with these oranges somehow or strangle him with the plastic wrap if he brought up something like that. Distraction. He needs a distraction. Fishing. Fishing doesn't fail him. Fishing, fishing, fishing—
Judai tosses the line out, and stubbornly ignores a scrutinizing look in his direction. He came here for a distraction and that's what he intends to get, dammit.
It's just too bad that his quest for personal peace keeps getting sabotaged somehow. Eyes squinted, Manjoume remarks, "You're antsy today."
"Maybe there are ants here," Judai casually quips back.
"You're quieter than usual."
"Do you want me to be loud?"
"No, I meant you seem off."
Faking seriousness, he nods. "Well, you always did say I was off my rocker back then."
"Yeah, well you're still off your rocker now." His bully of a friend rolls his eyes. "Still as dumb as ever, I see."
Reeling in a perch and letting it go, Judai smiles with fake enthusiasm as he tosses the line back out. "Still as mean as ever, I see!"
With a huff, Manjoume continues eating the orange slices for him. They sit quietly for a bit, Manjoume eating the oranges while Judai fishes. This peace is actually pretty refreshing for Judai and his current state of mind, so he has to stop and blink after about ten minutes of heavenly silence when Manjoume pokes his shoulder to grab his attention.
Letting go of another perch he caught, he doesn't know what to feel about seeing Manjoume sliding over one remaining orange slice towards him. It's like Manjoume is unknowingly reminding him about his situation with Asuka. It must be retribution for breaking her heart. Wanting a distraction must be too much to ask for from the universe, he feels. "You don't want it?"
Nonchalantly, Manjoume shrugs. "I ate lunch earlier, so I'm full."
Judai simply lets the orange slice sit there. He looks at the lake, resuming his fishing. "That's fine."
Silence.
Sileeeeence—
"Okay, now you're creeping me out!" Manjoume abruptly explodes with disgust after about ten seconds, shivering dramatically in his direction. Unfazed, Judai raises an eyebrow. "That's fine?" Nonsensically waving a hand in the air, Manjoume masters an impressive expression of incredulity and confusion and anger combined. "You usually talk more than this! What happened to you, Judai?!"
Finger scratching at his cheek, he awkwardly lets his empty hook sit in the water. Too much happened to him. "I'm… tired?"
Unconvinced, the gruff response he gets is: "It's barely noon."
"I… slept in?"
"You always slept past this time if you really did." Manjoume scowls and challengingly lists all possible counterarguments that Judai never even thought of: "Not to mention, all you ate were oranges—which are fruits—when you usually eat a black hole's worth of food, your hair is neat for once since your bed hair usually looks like you got into a fist fight with a raccoon, and you look more wide awake than that one time when you fell out of your chair after finding out that we had a pop quiz."
Speechless (and a little offended), Judai averts his eyes.
The berating is starting to remind him of Asuka. First the oranges remind him of Asuka, and now Manjoume reminds him of her. Heck, even fishing right now makes him think about the trout they caught together. Why does everything keep reminding him of Asuka? It's like the world is trying to tell him something, but he doesn't know what to do!
It's official. Someone must hate him. Resignedly, he releases a heavy sigh. "Manjoume. Let's say that you had to reject someone important to you for their own good after they confessed to you, and you feel bad about it. What do you do?"
Looking wide-eyed and baffled, Manjoume gives him an incredulous stare before composing himself and looking contemplative. He probably figured out that Judai isn't in the mood for jokes right now. "If I was doing it for their sake, then yeah, I'd feel pretty bad myself." Plucking at a piece of grass off the ground, he continues, "But I think there's a difference between rejecting someone and cutting them away. I can reject them for their sake, but I don't want them to go away forever if I know they're my friend."
"Even if you think that rejecting them might've ruined your friendship?" Judai asks, remorseful.
Manjoume scoffs, releasing the blade of grass to let the wind take it. "If I still want them to be my friend, then I'd try to let them know. I took a communication class a while back, and they stress a lot about, y'know, communication."
He quietly thinks back to how Asuka wouldn't even look him in the eyes earlier. "Even if they don't wanna be around you?"
"That's why you gotta be persistent." Judai watches as Manjoume skips a rock into the lake, also unfortunately scaring off any sort of fish away from his lure. "What good is an 'important' friendship if you don't let them know that it's important to you? Y'might not realize this, but most people don't have a mind-reading spirit in their souls like you do. Geez, maybe you should've been the one to take a communications class…"
Ignoring the insult, Judai mulls again. "Wouldn't trying to be friends with someone you rejected be awkward?"
Raising an eyebrow, Manjoume answers with no hesitation, "It's going to be awkward, so that's why you need to change it. Either you really care about your friendship with them to be friends again, or you need to cut them away if it's making a negative impact on you." Manjoume rolls his eyes. "This is why people talk about choosing your friends carefully, like in… motivational rallies. I saw plenty on my campus when I was still in college, which were pretty gross since they reminded me of you. In fact, I can't even believe I'm preaching this to you."
Focusing his eyes on the lake, Judai inquires tentatively, "What would you do if it happened to you?"
He receives a calculating stare in return. "What? Rejecting someone?"
Bravely, Judai exhales. "Being rejected."
He can tell that his question really stirred Manjoume's curiosity. Manjoume, in turn, strangely chooses to not ask about it, and crosses his arms in thought. "Well, obviously that's upsetting," he says, making Judai remember that's how Asuka also felt. "But if I really feel so strongly for them, then there's nothing wrong with being persistent."
"Like with…" He hesitates. "Asuka?"
Manjoume perks immensely, like a Christmas miracle happened. "Tenjoin-kun?!" Unamused, Judai gives him a flat face for nearly squealing his ears off, making his friend clear his throat behind his fist embarrassedly with a reddening face. "R-Right! There is nothing wrong with that! If it was her, then there's also nothing wrong with that either!"
Judai starts feeling sulky again. "Even if she likes someone else?" Forget worrying if he'll get killed for asking. He's too distressed to care anymore, honestly.
Manjoume probably noticed his gloomy aura after looking at him, because all he does is seriously think. "If she really likes that person, then I'll stop," he answers bluntly.
It only makes Judai confused. "But don't you like her?"
"Judai," begins Manjoume calmly. "I'm a pro-duelist now. I've been around, and I've seen some bad things happening behind the scenes before. I've seen amateurs and rookies abandon their pride as a duelist just for the sake of limelight. Do you know how stupid that is?" Without letting him answer, Manjoume continues, "It's disgusting. The Ojamas taught me that at the bottom, lies the bottom. Compared to those sad excuses of duelists, I'm much better. I know I'm better. I was called a bum once by my own brothers, but I showed them what a bum's backbone is like. At least I was a bum who didn't resort to stupid, underhanded tricks. If I tried to go after Tenjoin-kun after she's already made it clear that she likes someone else, then that would strip away the backbone I worked my ass off to build up. I'd be no different from those spineless rookies."
He sits there, holding his fishing rod. "So you'll give up?"
A pause. "As someone who bears stains, I know that filth can be stubborn." Looking away, Manjoume embarrassedly grumbles, "I would still feel the same for her, but if she's really happy with that person, then I would give up going after her. There's a difference, y'know."
He still wonders about Manjoume's questionable comparison with dirt, but Judai does understand that dirt can be clingy. After all, Thunder always made it a point to boast about his 'blazing hot' feelings for her. "I see," Judai replies, feeling slightly better. It's hard to believe that Manjoume, of all people, was the one to help him with this. Would he still have helped him if Asuka's name was revealed sooner—
Casually, Manjoume sets his palms behind him on the grass and leans back. "Give my regards to Tenjoin-kun if things get better for you two, by the way."
Blinking, Judai instantly drops his fishing rod, feeling his heart leap a dozen times within a second. Startled, his heartbeats pick up as he does an alarming double-take. "H-How—"
"Why else would you ask me all of this?" Rolling his eyes, Manjoume clicks his tongue. "I went to college and took a critical thinking class, Judai." A pause. "And psychology because I needed some credits. You were obvious from the start, but you exposed yourself when you mentioned her name. Yeesh, you're so dumb that you forget you are dumb."
Osiris. Osiris.
Judai swears one more time inwardly before clumsily swiping his fishing rod off his lap to reel his line back in, wishing that he knew the art of being subtle better. Obviously, he didn't think this through well enough. He grumbles, "You make it sound so easy."
"No," Manjoume waves off plainly. "All I did was grow up. Fubuki-san once told me that we don't know the feelings that people have. I tried to steal Tenjoin-kun's heart before, but we both know how that turned out." He clenches a hand, determinedly. "I will never not forget these feelings of mine—but like how life goes on, Tenjoin-kun will also continue to go on. Her heart will go on. If her heart made a clear decision, then I, Manjoume Thunder— No. Manjoume Jun would want her to stick with that decision. While I'm like stubborn dirt lingering in the air, she's like a steady ocean wave that keeps moving on. The Tenjoin-kun that we know isn't fickle, after all."
Asuka is definitely not fickle. Judai exhales, their conversation fresh in his head. Does that mean there's a chance that she still cares for him? Even after his rejection? Is that why she's still trying to talk with him? He feels like he needs a little more in order to know that for sure, but maybe she is…? Even though she left the room first, she had still attempted to talk to him first this morning. If she hates him, then she wouldn't have done that. Maybe it's a sign for him. Maybe.
He finally gathers enough courage to take the last orange slice Manjoume left, and he eats it.
If there's still a chance for him and Asuka to continue being friends, then he will try. He wants to grow up too. "Manjoume Thunder is really smart."
Thunder smugly exclaims, "Of course! You can't expect any less, or I would have to punch you!" Judai laughs while Manjoume peeks at his wristwatch after standing up. Without the old trademark soy sauce-stained black jacket, it's weird seeing Manjoume clad in casual clothes even if they're still colored black. "Now then, I'm going off to get lunch."
Judai gives him a strange look. "I thought you said you already had lunch?"
A shrug. "I lied 'cause I wanted to know why you were so emo."
Ignoring the insult, he's about to retort something cheeky about how Manjoume is such a big softie with feelings until his stomach grumbles traitorously. Oh, right. He didn't have breakfast today since Asuka's apartment was so unbearable to him. Two oranges aren't exactly filling, and Judai technically ate less than two oranges.
"...I guess it'll be my treat this time," offers Manjoume reluctantly with a roll of his eyes, covering his face with a hand.
Judai grins broadly, setting his fishing rod over his shoulder while standing up as well. With a friendly pat on Manjoume's shoulder, he tells him a merry, "Manjoume Thunder is the best!"
Manjoume grimaces, looking like the human embodiment of disgust and regret. "Please shut up by the time I get the bill. I'm serious."
.
.
He had left Asuka's apartment around eleven o'clock and spent the afternoon with Manjoume, so he's been gone for a while. After eating lunch with him, Manjoume allowed him to take his mind off Asuka by letting Judai drag him around town, despite the unspoken fact that Manjoume already had a week to explore the place by himself. At times like these, Manjoume can show that he has a heart of gold deep, deep, deep down within him. What a great guy. Softie.
But of course, all good things come to an end eventually. Time with Manjoume can't fix a teetering friendship with Asuka. That conversation might have brought him some hope, but actually trying to fix this with her will require much more effort—effort that he needs to muster up.
Closing the front door, he notes that Asuka looks significantly better than last night or this morning, apparently cleaning up the living room intensely. Her hair's tied up, she has a mop in hand, and some of her furniture is moved around. Awkwardly, he greets her with a tentative, "I'm back," and hopes she knows that he never planned to run away.
He wonders how long it took for her to manage this smile as she greets back, "Welcome back. How did fishing go?"
"Better than before," Judai remarks, removing his shoes. He caught more fish within those quiet ten minutes with Manjoume than the amount he caught from his and Asuka's previous trip to the lake together. Aside from that, Manjoume insulting him hardly counts for 'better.'
"No trouts this time?" Asuka moves her low table aside in the midst of her cleaning, mopping the area.
Looking at her back, he smiles involuntarily. Even though there is this sensitive tension in the air, she still mentions the trout like it's an old joke between them. "No. I think it's because you weren't there this time. Probably didn't find me interesting enough by myself."
"Am I supposed to be sorry for it?" She moves her low table back to its spot, mopping another part of the floor. "I would've seen this as a good thing. Less laundry for me to do."
Rolling his eyes, he concludes that trouts and laundry seem to go hand-in-hand for her. He didn't realize she found it so traumatizing. "I see you have your priorities all set." Tilting his head down, he tries to see if the hallway is dry or not yet so that he can go to his room. "Can I walk across here, or are you still mopping?"
She looks in his direction, but not really looking at him. It sort of hurts. "It should be dry—"
That's enough of an answer for him, so he starts walking quickly because the awkwardness is taking a crack at him. But for some strange and cruel reason, Judai's socks decided to rebel against him and make him slip. Grunting, his chin collides briefly with the floorboards as he falls, thankful that he clenched his jaw in time to dull the pain for his teeth.
"—but I could be wrong…" Asuka meekly resumes, sounding small and apologetic. There is a silent apology lingering in the air afterwards.
It's okay, he thinks miserably in response.
Thoroughly humiliated, he quietly leans his forehead on the accursed floorboards and wonders why bad things keep happening to him whenever he's inside the apartment. (At least his fishing rod is safe.) He really wants things to go back to normal for them, but he never knew it would be wet floorboards sabotaging his already-poor progress. He can save the world and different dimensions, but his downfall was orchestrated by wet floorboards? Things just aren't looking up for him anymore.
"Asukaaaaaa," he whines just to whine, lacking energy to do anything else other than tainting her floorboards. She decides to laugh at him in response, sounding awkward and choppy. He doesn't even mind it since this has been the first laugh he's heard from her in a while. To be honest, he didn't think she would even laugh anymore if he stepped into the picture lately. Progress. He might as well make the most of it while he's down here. "I heard that," he says casually, staring at the floorboards.
Silence.
Fighting the temptation to look up and see her reaction, he figures that she's embarrassed since she's the one who mopped the floor, which caused him to slip. Manjoume said he should be persistent to reconcile with her, but Judai thinks there's a difference between persistence and embarrassing someone. Either way, he's hyper-aware that this silence is awkward for both him and her right now. He misses that bantering atmosphere he had with Manjoume, and it sucks that not even talking about trouts and laundry could restore the lighthearted air he and Asuka typically shared.
Trying to rid the tension, he taps his fingers on the floor, playing some random rhythmic tune to counter the silence.
Asuka finally finds something to say: "You didn't let me finish. Are you hurt?"
Seeing a slight shadow in his line of sight, Judai starts lifting his head, popping himself up with his forearms. He rubs his jaw. Luckily, it only stings a bit and he didn't break anything. "I don't know. Do I look hurt? I don't have a mirror."
He blinks when she uses a finger to touch his chin, dumbfounded. "Just a little bit of blood on your chin. I have a first aid kit in the bathroom." He feels even more confused when she offers him a hand, smiling.
With his massive guilt, it actually hadn't occurred to him that Asuka would not be so angry with him. In his defense, her confession seriously caught him off-guard and it really jumbled his thoughts. Many things came to his mind at once, and he latched onto his promise with Yubel first because he associated it with her confession. Both involved 'hurt' and he's tired of 'hurt.'
Judai nods and tentatively accepts her hand, because he wants their friendship back.
He really wants it back.
.
.
Sometimes, he forgets that Asuka can be merciless while tending to his injuries.
"Hold still," she complains, pressing a wet towel to his chin. "Judai!"
Restless, he whines, "It hurts when you apply it, Asuka!" Had she not practically forced him to sit on top of the closed toilet seat, he would've ducked his head from that towel. All the towel really does for him is make the bruise itch, but she keeps swatting his hand away if he tries to touch it! Ugh, trying to repair friendships has never been so hard for him!
She nags, "It'll get infected more if you touch it." Knowing that her mind can't be changed when she gets like this, he sighs in resignation and slumps his shoulders before accepting his fate. She miraculously gives up with the towel and leaves it on the sink, taking the rubbing alcohol and a cotton ball instead. Eyeing them distastefully, he's not sure if he misses the towel already or not. "This will sting and I will force you to clean with me if you squirm while I apply it."
He grimaces when she attempts to look menacing, finding a kindred soul in Kenzan because this must be why Kenzan feared her. "Scary…" Compliantly, he tilts his head back for her.
"I'm going to apply it now." Trying not to writhe, he tenses up at the slight sting on his bruise. "I'm putting the band-aid on you." He grunts a stiff response as he feels the band-aid being applied gently. "You're good to go."
Judai immediately lowers his chin, stretching his neck in relief. "Finally. Remind me to never step out again if you're mopping."
Asuka sighs, repacking the first aid kit. "Maybe if someone had been home early, this could've been avoided."
Hearing this, he awkwardly says nothing. This is the third time she's pulled this on him and he might be getting used to it, given his lack of reaction anymore.
Does 'home' mean something else to her? Does it even have a meaning for her? Does she ever realize she says it in front of him? Is this typical for her? It only seems to make him remember that they're from two different worlds: Asuka actually had a normal childhood.
He's not saying that he didn't like his childhood, because he did. He had two parents who tried to raise him as much as they could, despite their busy schedules. They cared enough to leave him notes about when and how to reheat his food when he came back from school. He made some friends growing up, he had fun with them, he had babysitters and befriended them too. He had Yubel.
But then Yubel went away.
Due to circumstances out of his control, he couldn't remember them until he came to Duel Academia, but after Yubel went away, it became lonely. His friends started to not talk to him, his babysitters were scared, and his parents always seemed worried over something. For a while, nightmares about Yubel became common to him. Duel Monsters became his form of solace. He genuinely loves Duel Monsters. So much that he begged his parents to enroll him in Duel Academia. In a way, Duel Academia became the closest thing to 'home' for him until graduation.
He technically doesn't fit in anywhere anymore. If he stays anywhere, there would be trouble because of his powers and unique situation with his and Yubel's souls. Although, wandering doesn't mean he can't visit.
Which forwards him here to Asuka's apartment right now.
Her home.
The home that she somehow keeps including him in, for some reason. A reason that he doesn't know.
A reason that he wants to know.
Gathering some valiance, he quietly asks, "Why do you keep saying that?"
Putting the first-aid kit away, she simply asks, "Say what?"
She doesn't even sound like she's aware at all. He exhales to himself softly. "Home."
Asuka starts looking cautious. "What about home?"
From her reaction, he wonders if his insecurity is showing. "You keep using that word with me. The way you say it… You say it like I—" A jolt of panic strikes him. What good would it do if he pointed it out anyway? He shouldn't be dumping problems on her. What is he doing? "Actually, nevermind." Lowering his head, Judai ruffles his hair in frustration.
Why did he even bring it up anyway? He didn't even tell Johan about this.
"Please," he hears from Asuka, making him look up. She's finally looking at him. Not just in his direction, but at him. He can't seem to identify the look in her eyes, but she seems a lot more confident than him right now. "Continue?"
It causes him to pause. Would it be all right to let her know? Would it be all right to show her this silly insecurity of his? This silly insecurity that not even Johan knows?
He won't know until he tries, right? He told himself to try if it meant keeping this friendship with her.
So, Judai tries. He musters some courage to say, "You say it like I've been living here with you. Like I belong here—" He averts his eyes by habit. "—or something. I, uh— I'm not really used to it…"
Asuka doesn't hesitate: "That's because this place is home." He tenses stiffly, finding her persistence about the topic to be odd. "It's a home for me, and a home for you. The guest bedroom is practically your own room. Not even Nii-san visits as much as you do."
Why is she so determined to include him here? It makes him anxious. Makes him actually feel welcomed.
Why? Why why why why—
So many whys in his head, but he can't bring himself to vocalize even one of them.
He really meant it when he told Yubel that it's peaceful here, but he thought it was just him trying to subconsciously substitute his parent's house with Asuka's apartment, sort of like scribbling something out and writing something else above the ink mark because you used a pen instead of pencil. He's definitely not an expert on psychology like Manjoume, but he can at least be sure that Asuka and her apartment are shifting how he views certain things.
Is that why they're even having this discussion right now? Because he notices that she and her apartment have offered him a sort of comfort that made him belong? He's always felt at peace at other places, but it doesn't feel as heavy when he's here.
Softening his eyes, Judai admits with honesty, "I like it here," because it's something that he always thought. Leaning forward, elbows at his knees, he interlocks his fingers together. "Even Yubel comments about how I stop by often."
"Oh," she simply says, awkward. What had she been thinking about in order to look like that? "Is it like this too? With Johan or Jim?"
Why would she bring those two up? Thoughtfully, he muses, "Yes and no. It's pretty fun at Johan's place, but I feel like I'm sometimes intruding on his time with his family when I'm there. Family's pretty important to him."
Johan always welcomes him, but there have been some instances where it's hard for Johan to split his attention up, given his pro-dueling lifestyle. It's probably nonsensical of him to talk about intruding on Johan's family time when his spirit family is literally always there, but Johan's life is pretty busy and world tournaments are, well… all over the world. While his apartment is available, Johan himself will not always be there. It sucks, but Judai wholly supports whatever his best friend does, so he always made sure Johan never knew of this, especially during times when they do actually get to hang out. Besides, Yubel's intense dislike for Johan makes it hard to feel peaceful anyway. (It's amusing, though.)
"Not to mention, those spirits always like to make fun of me all the time." Judai places a hand behind his neck. "Things are quieter with Jim and he sometimes lets me see his fossils and stuff, but I can tell he also likes spending time with Karen more. We do have some inside jokes and they're pretty funny—but most of the time, I'm just doing my own thing while he goes out digging."
He's hung out with Jim on his excavations before, but all he can really do there is sit and chat while Jim does the physical digging. He gets to polish some of the fossils that Jim digs up and that's cool—it's pretty enjoyable. Jim's enthusiasm about him warming up to fossils is exactly like the feeling Judai got with Asuka and fishing, which is why Judai genuinely tries to indulge him about fossils whenever Jim starts talking about them. But sometimes, Jim likes to go off and do research on fossils he dug up, and Judai can only handle so much complicated historical research that makes his brain hurt, so he seldom accompanies Jim for that. Jim also dotes on Karen a lot, which makes him feel like he's a third wheel or something.
All things considered, Asuka's place seems to be the place he goes back to the most. He doesn't have to worry about distracting her from some important world-televised tournament duel, or 'hogging' up her attention from any spirit families, or any crocodile family members stealing and eating his stuff, or helping clean up and putting fossils away so that there's actually walking space in the room, or get laughed at by multiple spirits in the room like some buttmonkey, or having to listen to Yubel rant about overly-cheerful idiots. He can just relax at Asuka's place.
Judai is about to tell her that, but the words can't seem to come out.
Because, for some reason, Asuka looks sad. What— "I-I think I'll go back to cleaning now." Blinking at her abrupt change, he tries to inspect her face, but can't seem to decipher anything. "Don't go into the living room and hurt your chin again, okay? I'll tell you when dinner's ready."
Clumsily, he stretches out his arm to call her back, but she's already gone and he feels bewildered. It's like their roles suddenly reversed, with him being the rejected one this time. Ouch.
Slowly lowering his arm, Judai sighs helplessly. What a mess.
Human affairs are messy, pipes Yubel.
Dramatically, he slumps his head down, gloomy. They sure are.
Patience is a virtue, they advise, wisely. Alas, that's not your forte.
Rolling his eyes, Judai stiffly stands up and grabs his fishing rod he had leaned against the wall earlier. Putting it over his shoulder, he somberly marches to his room down the hallway and gently closes the door. The moment he makes sure his rod is safely propped against the wall, he collapses backwards on the bed and simply lies there, like a zombie or corpse or whatever else he can qualify for with his semi-dead brain.
Why was Asuka so sad this time? It doesn't correspond to her behavior earlier when he came back to the apartment. Did he say something wrong again? He is stupid, after all. He just wants his friendship with Asuka back, but he apparently can't even have that. It would be so ridiculously easy if he could just leave, but he already decided to not run away. Leaving makes her sad, and she's had enough sadness from him for a while. She thinks she could hide it from him, but her smiles never seem too bright whenever she sees him off. Despite that, she also never tells him to stay.
Man, Asuka can be so complicated sometimes. Which is really ironic, honestly.
It was so easy to tell her things back then when they were still in school, and he assumed the same for her because she also confided in him. He helps her and she helps him. It's a mutual respect and trust he shares with her. Judai thought he had a good idea of what she's like because they've been friends for so long—as well as tag team partners—and it's common for teammates to know each other in order to work together. They had good teamwork and communication, so he thought everything was fine and that everything was fixed between them during that tag duel.
During that tag duel against Kenzan and Rei, that set card he had placed down that day was done so with her Cyber Tutu in mind, and he knew she would make use of it if he did the one thing that she was mad at him for not doing that day. That card was his way of apologizing, and using it was her way of accepting his apology. It was his way of accepting that he was in the wrong that time for not cooperating properly, and it was her way of accepting that he changed. It was his way of letting her know that their friendship is important to him, and it was her way of telling him that she knows.
Yet, here they are, probably going through the most awkward tension he's ever had with anyone—and there are no set cards to help him this time.
He's entirely on his own for this, so it stings to know that things are messed up right now with her. He doesn't know why it stings so much, but it stings. Is it supposed to hurt this much? She told him that she loves him and he rejected her, and now he's not even sure if anything is okay anymore despite the conversations they had today. He doesn't feel that way with her, so it shouldn't hurt this much, right? He can't feel like that for her because she'd get hurt, right?
Right...?
Her sad face pops up in his mind, stubbornly not leaving. Blindly reaching around for a pillow, Judai takes it and sets it over his eyes as he lies down, facing the ceiling, hands folded atop his stomach.
"What are you doing?" Yubel asks, mildly curious.
He casually replies, "Pretending I'm not here," while ignoring the stinging heaviness in his chest. "Leave a message after the beep." He's a terrible answering machine because he doesn't even have the energy to make a beep noise.
Sarcastically, they scoff. "Yes, hello? You need to come back for dinner." He doesn't respond, lifeless. Yubel's supposed to stop him from overthinking, but they have yet to do so for the past two days, including yesterday and today. "Happiness is something to be pursued. No one said the path would be easy to walk."
"Did you get that from a fortune cookie?"
"From observation," Yubel answers. "I don't even know what fortune cookies are."
"You make good observations," he says tiredly.
"No. You just go through many things for me to analyze."
Grimly, he smiles. "Messy, right?" Manjoume was right: Judai really should've been the one to take a communications class.
"Yes," comes a blunt response. Yubel takes a pause. "But messy things get cleaned up overtime."
He exhales slowly, thinking about the conversation from the bathroom just now. Thinking about how Asuka walked out on him. Thinking about how sad she looked. "I hope that's soon."
Yubel simply says, "Expect the unexpected."
.
.
He quietly and neatly eats his rice, trying to attempt a semi-okay job of pretending that the awkwardness does not exist.
For some reason, tonight's dinner involves fried shrimp. Fried shrimp for dinner is a common thing here when he's visiting. He won't be too hopeful, but… he knows, for a solid fact, that fried shrimp at Asuka's apartment are usually made for him.
When he first began paying her visits after discovering where she lives, he used to tell her all the time that her food is delicious. He could tell she never minded how much he ate here, because even though she complains about washing so many dishes, she also never tried to do anything to change that. No matter what she cooked, Judai ate every single bite. It made her happy. He was happy too. It was normal for him to gulp down all of her food while she sighed at his enthusiasm and he would laugh back and tell her it's because everything is so good that it's why he's so enthusiastic and she'd say something about how flattery gets him nowhere and—
And he just really misses all of that. A lot. Made him happy because she'd been considerate enough to cook so much for him, despite the amount of dishes to wash or ingredients to spend. It gave him something to look forward to whenever he came by.
He just… misses all of that. A lot.
The silence abruptly breaks: "Would you like mine?"
Piqued, he stops eating and looks up with a raised eyebrow. Seeing her show him her bowl of rice and fried shrimp makes him quietly stare at it, making him reflect back on their talk in the bathroom.
Home. Could this be tied to 'home' for her? This typical routine of fried shrimp? He never got to know since she pretty much fled from him midway in the conversation, but this is something they share between the two of them and perhaps it could have a deeper meaning for her like it does with him.
Because he wants to know why she fled from him, he opens his mouth to ask, but he stops after noticing the way she nervously tenses up. Not wanting to scare her off again, Judai changes his mind and simply asks, "You don't like them?"
Asuka shakes her head. "You like them, so I thought I'd offer."
If she's still willing to reach out to him like this after fleeing him, then maybe… She's trying herself. She's going through some things too, but she's making some effort for him. For them. He shouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth, all things considered.
So, to acknowledge that, Judai concedes, "I'll… take them then," and carefully picks the shrimp up with his chopsticks.
Quietly, Asuka only offers a petite smile and goes back to eating.
He deflates a little from her lackluster action, feeling dejected. Gosh, it's like she thinks that he's going to bite her or something. He's not a rabid dog. He's just someone desperately trying to recover a withering friendship from going down into metaphorical flames, but it feels like those metaphorical flames are starting to win over him right now.
As he slowly eats the fried shrimp he got from her, Judai observes her taking beef slices from a plate. If he remembers correctly, she likes eating those. She told him before that she doesn't really have a favorite food, but he notices that she gravitates towards particular food whenever they have lunch and dinner, probably because she's used to eating them or something.
Earlier, Manjoume said that you need to let someone know if you still want to be friends.
Judai still wants to be friends with Asuka.
So, he peeks at his bowl and stretches his arm out to her this time. "Want mine?" he offers, hopefully. If she had the courage to offer him fried shrimp, then he could have the courage to offer her beef slices. Chopsticks in his mouth, he gives her a hopeful look.
The moment she says, "Okay," in a quiet voice and reaches out with her chopsticks, he can't help but smile tenderly at her effort.
She accepted the beef slices. Her hesitation was obvious, but she didn't falter. Both of them are trying to make this work. He knows Asuka is headstrong, so she doesn't like giving up. She can be scared or nervous, but she manages to pull everything off when she puts her mind to it. Maybe he can meet her halfway.
With this in mind, Judai keeps smiling as he resumes eating his fried shrimp, a happy feeling in his chest accompanied with the knowledge that they've made progress tonight. The rest of dinner is quiet, but he thinks this silence right now is the peacefulness that he really misses for the two of them. It's sort of like the peacefulness back when they went fishing.
It feels familiar and so welcoming.
.
.
While he had genuinely felt happy during dinner, Judai's smile slowly fades as he shuts the door to his room afterward. He goes to sit on the bed, thoughtful.
Despite the efforts they both pulled tonight, he can't help but feel like something is still off about everything.
At the time, he was stupefied by Asuka's attempts to talk with him and he blindly went along with it, but there are still some jarring things that he's aware of: her confession, his rejection, their strange talk in the bathroom, the fact that it's taking them a while to restore a years-built friendship because he's too confused and scared to touch on topics like 'home' or 'loneliness' in front of her. It doesn't help that these were things that he never really discussed with anyone before. Yubel only knows about it because of their merged souls, but they know he's sensitive to it. It reminds him of the Dark World, and brings up unfortunate memories that he's better off not remembering but can't.
He rejected Asuka because of all these bad experiences. He rejected her because all of these things made him a target for trouble. He rejected her because he doesn't want this kind of trouble to affect her. He rejected her because he wants her safe. These are all of his reasons for why he had to break her heart, so why is it that he keeps going around in circles with all of these repetitive thoughts?
Osiris. He's never thought this much about Asuka in his entire life. Flopping backwards on the bed with a strong sense of déjà vu, Judai helplessly stares at the ceiling. His head feels fried.
"Go to sleep," insists Yubel firmly, giving him a look. "You'll need your brain for tomorrow."
"Good call," he agrees, scooting up to tiredly place his head on the pillow.
He definitely needs his brain for tomorrow. He'll just think tomorrow. Yeah, let's go with that.