on the way home

by sasuukeh

She always lets him come back. He wouldn't mind coming back. —judai/asuka. post-canon au; slow burn. the judai version for 'the home that we claimed.'

10. ten - reverse

x. ten; reverse

The next day, he sits there and watches her slice up cantaloupes into small cubes. "Could I have the big chunks?"

She simpers. "It's going to be split half-and-half, you glutton." He rolls his eyes at the awful nickname, shaking his head at her as she rinses the melon pieces. As subtle as he can, he leans closer to the table and slowly reaches out to the bowl— Asuka casually swats his hand away. "No stealing!"

Had she not been holding a dangerous knife in her hands this very moment, Judai could've still taken a piece out of rebelliousness. Defeatedly, he sighs in front of her, "Fine."

But the moment she turns around and opens a drawer to place the knife away, he strikes.

Innocently, he pretends to scrutinize a vase of flowers as he chews. It's just too bad for him that she's too smart to be fooled. "Just for that, you don't get one extra piece," she nags, shaking her heads while carrying bowls and forks back. Taking the bigger bowl, she takes it upon herself to pour an even amount of melons into each smaller bowl.

"Because the extra piece is in my stomach already," he jokes, cheeky.

She only shakes her head, which makes him tempted to shake his own head. One day, these jokes will catch on. One day. "Come on, I'm eating in the living room. Nii-san's rerun of his show should start soon, and I want to watch it."

Piqued, he takes his bowl and fork before following her, sitting next to her on the couch as she takes the remote. Judai thoughtfully rolls his eyes up, trying to recollect something as he eats. "I think I've seen some of his shows before when I'm on the road. I see them on TV displays sometimes when I pass by." He always believed that Fubuki wanting to be an idol was strange, especially since he attended Duel Academia, but maybe it all worked out in the end. It's possible to sing and still duel in this day and age. The sky's the limit, right? His songs are pretty catchy, to be honest.

Finding the right channel, Asuka neatly sets the remote aside and also begins eating. "He's really good at them. Nii-san sends his regards to you, by the way."

Idly twirling his fork, he perks up. "You've mentioned me to him?"

"No, he just sometimes wonders how you are," she insists, oddly stiff.

He raises an eyebrow and debates asking if she's okay, but decides that it should be fine since she's stabbing her melon pieces with great zeal, seemingly thinking about something unpleasant. She must be thinking about Fubuki or something since she usually has that face when she does. It's like Fubuki is her anger trigger.

A bit wary, Judai simply nods and eats. "Oh." He swallows, then suggests kindly, "You can tell him that I'm doing good." She nods, and he flickers a glance at her bowl to check on the poor melons she stabbed during her thinking. He does a double-take. "Hey, that's a really big piece!" he complains, pointing at her bowl with his fork. "I want it." (No, Yubel. He is not five years old.)

Slowly, Asuka stares at the gestured piece and deadpans, "Too bad it's mine." To really drive her point through him, her fork stabs it cleanly. It makes him sigh and mourn because he seldom eats melons anymore, and they're pretty good. "Here."

Startled, he looks back at her to see her fork near his face. "I can have it?"

Her arm starts to retreat backward, looking deliberately slow. "I changed my mind."

Acting fast, Judai hastily leans down to take a bite of the melon piece, thoughtfully chewing, and thinks this piece is sweeter than some of the ones he got. He's been eating lots of fruits here in her apartment the past two weeks—from oranges, to bananas, and now melons. He's about to joke that she has too many fruits, but when he looks up, he sees hazel, a kind that he never really paid attention to before.

Had this happened a week ago, he honestly would've thought nothing of this; wouldn't bat an eyelash at it, wouldn't really mind it. He's been close with people before in the past. He's had different types of contact and proximity before. For something like this, the old Judai literally wouldn't have cared or, knowing him, wouldn't have noticed.

But now, he does mind it. He does care. He does notice it. This is a brand new type of proximity for him.

And it's suffocating.

He's too scared to move in case anything else happens. He managed to somehow conclude his feelings for her, yeah—but he never said he'd actually do anything about it. She worked so hard to not cry in front of him after her birthday, and he tried his best to give them both some much-needed space. She worked so hard to get them to be able to talk to each other again, and so did he. Would everything revert back to that time if something did happen? He broke her heart once and he was even selfish for a day, and it's all… really confusing.

Why is everything so complex? Why couldn't he have learned about this stuff sooner—

"10 JOIN!"

Heart thundering, he quickly leans away and watches Fubuki present himself on stage, Judai not knowing if the noise buzzing in his ears right now is from the TV or himself or both. He sits there, feeling warm in the face. He and Asuka were that close—

Osiris, he hates himself right now for all these conflicting thoughts. To tell her, or to not tell her? In fact, it has to be soon because his stay here is about to come to an end and not even he knows when he'll come by again. After all he's put her through, it wouldn't be right if he left without settling this first. He's tired of hurting, and he's tired of hurting Asuka. If he prolongs his stay, the world could end up hurting instead.

It would be so easy if Asuka had feelings for someone else. Someone else normal, someone else who didn't have to go away so much, someone else who didn't have to break her heart.

But here they are anyway.

With the last of his courage, he glances at Asuka's bowl and eyes the piece that clearly had evidence of his bite on it. Knowing that she wouldn't touch it anymore, Judai quietly takes it for her, chewing it and avoiding her eyes. Asuka doesn't attempt to talk to him as she resumes eating, staying quiet as Fubuki's performance is currently their only source of noise to prevent awkward silences.

He fights back a deep, heavy sigh building up in his chest.

Don't be so indecisive, Yubel sighs.

It's… really hard, he comments, strained.

I can tell, they sarcastically reply. Half-paying attention to the TV, he weakly smiles. Ever since he exorcised Yubel from the light of destruction, he found out that they had quite a backtalk streak. You're overthinking. Stop, idiot.

Well, he's been overthinking this whole week.

Yubel picks up on this: Which is why you need to stop.

Then how can I decide anything?

You've already decided, they state, convinced and unmoving. You're just adding on ridiculous details that are irrelevant. Simplify it.

Yubel says nothing more, opting to leave him to make up his mind. Judai quietly mulls to himself about their advice as he watches Fubuki on screen, slowly eating his cantaloupe pieces.

Midway through the show, he concludes that it is pretty silly of him to fear that everything could possibly revert back to the atmosphere they had after her birthday. If the both of them had actively tried to restore what they originally had, then there's probably little to no chance that it could happen again. As for her broken heart, she's trying so hard to not let it affect her, the evidence being her presence next to him right now. She still cares for him, and that should matter more. The more he considers Yubel's words, the more he can see that they're right about the irrelevant details. Simplify it, they told him.

Well, he likes her. That's his simple conclusion.

That's his realization and his decision.

He loses track of time, so he's startled that he hears a loud, "10 JOIN!" Judai barely sees his broad smile from the screen as Fubuki cheerfully retreats behind the curtains, signaling the end of the show. He even ran out of melon pieces, his bowl emptied.

The TV turns off, and he hears Asuka ask, "Would you like it?"

He feels déjà vu seeing her fork and melon piece being offered to him. "I thought you said I couldn't have one extra piece."

"I'm… full!" she mumbles awkwardly, like she doesn't mean it. "I'd feel bad if I wasted it."

He scrutinizes her. "So you give me your leftovers?" Why can't she just tell him that she wants him to have these pieces—

Wait.

It suddenly dawns on him.

She is already lowering her fork back to her bowl, but he is quick to stop her, hand on her wrist and revelation clear in his mind. Asuka looks alarmed and ducks her head down quickly, like she's afraid of him. He sadly wilts a little at her reaction, but he bravely persists, not letting go of her.

He didn't want to hurt her, but he did anyway. It made him wonder if that was really the right choice. He'd think, Yes, it was, because he'd be sparing her of the hurt. It was more than enough to let him know that it wasn't right for them, whatever it was that she wanted when she confessed. He really wanted to ask her if she remembered what he was like when they were still in the Dark World, but he couldn't. Too many things happened. He was tired. Johan was gone, Yubel was corrupted, he became lost, and Asuka died. Many things.

But then...

It's okay to make mistakes.

Asuka's voice back then never wavered, like she is confident that he's flawed and that's why it's okay for him to be depressed over these things. He couldn't see her point that much when they had that conversation, but that was when he wasn't really thinking about it in the spur of the moment. He thought more about how to address the tension they had.

And for some reason, it was easy to repair things between them. All it took was a talk and his shoulders felt lighter. His heart felt lighter. This lightness in his chest resonates with the trust he has for her, and he'd really like it if they can keep sharing this. He'd like to keep this. Through these feelings, through these visits he kept paying her, and through the times he's stayed, Judai thinks that these moments are starting to define something new for them. Something brand new, something happier.

When she offered him her leftovers just now, that's how it dawned on him.

He's going to have to tell her if he wants her to know.

So, he bravely tilts her head up, fingers under her chin. He does something that he never thought he would do in this lifetime, leaning down and letting his lips touch the corner of her lips. Yubel had already once mentioned to him that she still hasn't moved on from him—it makes him think two things: 1) her determination is astounding, and 2) it gives him hope. So much silly hope for a silly person like him.

"Ju…"

Although, that doesn't mean he isn't embarrassed. He figured out most of everything for himself, but not how to tell her. Kissing was the first thing that popped into his head because it's what he normally associated with romance since everyone stereotypes it like that. This is technically his first kiss, which could also be her first one too for all he knows! Don't people gossip about how first kisses are important? Gah, why is he such an idiot?

Coughing into his fist, he isn't sure if he wants to vanish more into the walls or the floor. "I'm working on it," he mumbles, not very courageous anymore, relinquishing her wrist. Give him literally anything else to talk about, and he could probably pass with decent effort. Talking about his feelings? Watch him falter. "On sorting out my feelings and stuff. Uh— Yeah…" Oh, just please let him vanish already.

"...What did you think of so far?" she asks, sounding tentative and unsure and— Yikes, she looks fifty times more confused and sixty times more distressed.

Still, this isn't the time to be indecisive. He got this far already.

Judai exhales, mustering up his bravery to last through this talk and gathering the thoughts that plagued him for a majority of this whole week. "I like that you're around," he admits, seeing her tense up. He continues onward, trying to recollect more things she helped him experience: "Food always tastes really good when it's from you. Not sure if it's what you used to make it, but I always think that 'it's delicious because Asuka made it,' and— And I think it makes you happy when I eat your food. I've seen you smile a lot about it at the table. It makes me feel happy too; sort of like when I looked at those books. I like seeing you happy, Asuka."

She refuses to look at him, but he knows she's listening.

It encourages him to continue: "I like being able to come back and sit at the table with you and eat together—because I know you always make sure everything tastes great. You even add extra shrimp a lot of times, even when I don't ask for it."

There's a lot of mentions of food in what he said, but food was one of the things he still had that kept him linked to his parents when he was younger. On some days, it would be his mother who left him his lunch wrapped—ready for whenever he came back from school—along with a piece of paper that held written instructions on how to work the microwave and a small note at the bottom saying that she'd be home for dinner. On other days, it'd be his father who'd do that for him instead if his mother had an early day for work. Sometimes, for breakfast, he ate by himself or with either one of his parents if they're still around. They never ate together in the mornings that much. Even for dinner, there were nights where one of his parents would stay for a few extra hours overtime.

It makes him miss being able to eat at the dining table together. He and Asuka always ate together at her dining table nowadays. It gave him a sense of togetherness that he likes. It makes him happy.

So, he adds, "I know I've visited you before, but we never really got to go fishing together or go through stores together either. It was always one of us going. It sort of sucks staying here when you're out."

When she finally responds to him, Asuka carefully asks, "What about Yubel?"

Something swells in him upon hearing this.

Yes, he rejected her with Yubel in mind, but he was just too scared to be attached after the entire Dark World mishap. It reminds him that he can lose anyone at any time. It reminds him that he can hurt anyone at any time. It reminds him that he's dangerous. It reminds him that he can't run from this fate. It reminds him that Haou lived a different life than him.

Haou did things that Judai never did, and vice versa. Haou felt things that Judai didn't, and vice versa. Haou lived his own life already while Judai is still currently living his. He loves Yubel, but Haou loves them more. He may be Haou reincarnated in a new life, but his identity has always been Yuki Judai. He was born and raised as Yuki Judai, so he is Yuki Judai. Haou is a past self while Yuki Judai is a present self. He's lived his whole life like this—it's who he is.

They're different.

And as different people, he thinks he's allowed to decide things for himself—that includes how he'd like for his life to turn out. Yubel understands this and that's why he's still here right now, in this apartment, right in front of her.

He tries to let her know that: "Yubel does keep me company, but you get lonely, right? I… noticed you have some pictures of everyone in your room. Whenever I come, the guest room hardly looks used. Johan always has his spirit family for company, and Jim has Karen. But not you. I know you were talking to Junko and Momoe yesterday, but they looked ready for bed. I got the feeling that you didn't really have time to talk anymore." Even Haou had a time where he felt loneliness when Yubel was taken away for surgery. Loneliness sucks. "So... It makes me happy to know that I can do that for you. To stay over. I-I know how it feels."

"You're right," Asuka admits, eyes downcast. He wonders what she could be thinking about right now. "I hardly get visitors. Junko and Momoe have jobs. Nii-san has his work and career to focus on. Since I'm so far away, even finding time to video chat is hard. You're the only one who visits me anymore."

Wrong. He wants to say that she's wrong. Fubuki drops by too, but Judai doesn't say it because both he and Fubuki would have to leave eventually if they visit her. He doesn't want to remind her of that, but he's sure that she already knows anyway.

Instead, he says with tentativeness, "Which is why I was thinking that it wouldn't hurt if I come back more often and… stick around here with you whenever I drop by…?" He can't promise permanent visits or anything of the like, but this… This, he can try. He wants to try.

"What…?"

Time. He needs time. He doesn't need extra time because he's still confused. He needs the extra time because he wants to gather his thoughts properly so that he can tell her. It's still disheveled in his head right now. He had been saying things off the top of his head, in the heat of the moment, up until now. It's a well-established fact by now that he isn't the best at thinking things through, so he wants to actually think it out this time.

"That's what my thoughts led up to," he sums up for her, awkward. He just can't really think right now. It was such a spur of the moment to even have this talk, so he probably still needs to address many things. "Sorry, I'm putting a lot on your plate," he starts rambling, not noticing that she's lost in her thoughts. "It's a mess in my head right now and Yubel does tell me that it's always like that everyday—"

"Judai?"

He immediately shuts up, awkwardly looking at her. "Yeah…?"

"I love you."

Yubel already mentioned to him that she still hasn't moved on from him, so he should've expected this at some point. Really, he should've. He should've known already. It should've been no surprise to him, because it was her who confessed. And she apparently confessed again just now, even after he broke her heart once and probably sent her emotional damage for a while too.

She confessed again.

Why?

He didn't think he could mean this much to someone, especially to Asuka who always seemed to have everything together more than him, and he didn't think she could fall in love with him like this— And Osiris, she never even moved on from him.

If he's being honest, it's not his first time handling someone who's pursuing him romantically.

At first, he didn't think anything about Rei and her odd fixation switch from Kaiser to him because she's still young and has plenty of time to find someone fitting for herself, but Yubel eventually pointed it out to him and Judai himself had figured out her feelings on that day of the tag duel against her and Kenzan. It was sorta hard to not notice it with how blatantly conspicuous Rei made it. Or maybe he just became more perceptive when he came back to this dimension after joining souls with Yubel? Either way, he feels like there is a difference between Rei and Asuka.

If she fell in love with him during their Duel Academia days, then Asuka did a spectacular job of hiding it. He could not pick up anything at all. Every time they've talked, it was casual and lighthearted or encouraging and serious. She always left him to his own business if there's nothing important that she needs from him, nor did she ever do anything out of the ordinary unless it concerned something serious they both know about. She didn't squeal his name like Rei does or fawn over him like Junko and Momoe did for Fubuki. She just hung out with him if she was around, and he always let her.

Of course, Rei is still his friend too, but he never once considered those romantic feelings she apparently felt for him. Neither did he do that for Asuka either, actually.

But it was Asuka who confessed to him.

Not Rei.

Asuka.

Asuka. Twice.

And it was him who chose her. Because the things he shared with Asuka meant the world to him, and made him feel so welcomed. He knew Asuka longer and it was her that he felt comfortable talking with, aside from Sho and Misawa and Hayato, when they first met.

It just… clicked with her. The fact that he's still in her apartment currently, years later, says a lot about how their friendship matters to him. Asuka, who always stuck by him and snapped him back to his senses whenever he's not in the right state of mind, and goes out of her way to visit him at the dorms if she ever wanted to pass time, and sometimes cooked bento boxes for him back at school, and makes him his favorite food without him ever asking, and goes out of her way to look after him, and cares enough to discuss personal things with him, and—

Someone like her fell for him.

For some reason, this makes him rather happy. Undeniably happy.

Judai already came to terms with himself a while ago that she can stay safe here as long as she continues to live her life normally, so his rejection towards her amounted to nothing, especially since he started to feel something back. He supposes that he didn't try to tell her how he began to like her back because he wanted to salvage their friendship as much as possible. He thought he was being brave enough today, given what's currently happening, but Asuka always somehow surprises him.

The confidence on her face makes his face feel hot because if she looks confident with her second confession just now, then does that mean she never wanted to move on from him?

She never wanted to move on?

"A-Ah…" he splutters embarrassedly, wishing he had more words in mind right now. Face hot, he stares at the floor adamantly, not sure if he can look at her right now with all these revelations spiraling in his head. Trying to get his mind working again, he fetches for coherent words to use, but cannot seem to find any. (Boy, how did Manjoume ever get his feelings across to her? Judai is certainly struggling in this department with excellent flying colors that he can't help but wonder.)

Perhaps his struggles are obvious, because Asuka gently tells him, "Take your time."

He continues to not look at her, his bravery thoroughly plummeted by this point. "Even if it still takes me a while?" he quietly asks, feeling small and hopeless.

His helplessness doesn't seem to deter her at all. "I'm a teacher; I'm patient," she quips, tone consoling. "Besides, hermits don't really go anywhere—so, I'll still be around. I've had a lot of time to do my thinking about my feelings too." He wonders how long she spent. "You also have time. Everyone does. You just need to use it."

As he sits there, mulling, Asuka quietly puts her last melon piece into his bowl before she stands up and retreats to the kitchen.

Sitting there thoughtfully, he lets her leave, half-listening to the sink turn on.

He has time, huh?

She's right, Yubel comments softly.

Staring at the cantaloupe piece she left in his bowl, he absently hums as he takes it with his fork and eats it.

It tastes sweeter than the other pieces.

.

.

He thinks dinner this time is relatively normal like any other dinner they usually have. It's a wonder how it could be like that, given what he did to her today—or perhaps it's just a blessing in disguise so that they don't have a repeat of their other awkward dinner from prior. Blessed or not, Judai's not going to complain, honestly. He spent a while being out on the balcony for fresh air after their conversation, and to salvage himself before she called him in for dinner.

Amidst this silence, he eats his rice, absently studying the foods laid out on the table. Even the food she cooked today is like what she usually cooks for dinner, he notices. As he reaches out to grab a piece of fish from a plate, something occurs to him.

She hardly cooks fish, he thinks to himself, staring at the piece.

She'll cook fried shrimp because she knows it's his favorite, but it's not the same case with fish. She neither likes or dislikes fish, but she knows how to cook and prepare it. She said, in a previous time, it was because she hardly eats it herself since the Obelisk cafeteria has other foods than plain fish. He wonders if there's a particular reason why she bothered this time; wonders if it was just a coincidence or if the fridge ran out of space so she needs to use up some ingredients or if she just wanted to.

With a lingering curiosity, Judai says, "You cooked fish this time." It's salmon. He likes salmon.

Distractedly, Asuka looks up from her bowl, chopsticks still in her mouth. "I did."

He stares at the plate. "Why?"

She replies simply, "Because you like fish." Exhaling sharply, he can't seem to remember when he mentioned to her that he liked fish— Oh, that other day at the lake. That was probably an offhand comment he said that day, but she still remembers it a week later? "I ran out of shrimp," she adds belatedly, picking at her food.

Awkwardly, he removes his eyes off the plate of fish and looks at his rice. His boldness must be slacking off, because he apparently can't meet her in the face today without feeling embarrassed. Part of the embarrassment comes from him knowing that she, in fact, did not run out of shrimp. There's still some stored up. He saw them when he went to grab ice for his water this morning. "I see."

"Why?" she asks, gently.

He also wonders why himself. He has no other reason except to sate his curiosity, and she already answered him.

"Nothing," Judai ends up saying, smiling because it makes him happy that she remembers he likes fish. She remembers. He finally goes to take a piece of fish, setting it into his mouth and he chews thoughtfully. It sort of reminds him of Jim's cooking, but Asuka's version has a lot more heart put into it. "It tastes really good," he softly says, because her cooking is always so tasty to him. Tasty and warm. It's really warm inside of him right now.

With a tentative smile, Asuka offers, "I can make more next time if you like it."

He would like that. He would like that a lot because these dinners with her means a lot to him. Sitting at a dining table with another person and eating homemade food is a feeling he had dearly missed, and it was her who gave it back to him. Tenderly, he finally feels valiant enough to smile at her. Judai really means it when he says, "That'd be great."

"I can serve it with the shrimp, so you can have both at once," she suggests, in a joking manner.

It's an effective joke because he smiles in amusement as he eats more rice, and he thinks his sense of humor is rubbing off on her. "Even better!"

"Because you like both of them?"

Smiling, he corrects her, "Because you made it." Because it's you.

He seems to have struck her speechless because she says nothing back, looking down timidly. Despite her lack of response, the sight makes him beam happily. He already made it very clear today about how he feels about her cooking, and there's no doubt that it's still replaying in her head, given her distractedness tonight. He didn't mean to keep reinforcing it to her like a broken record, but it truly does mean something to Judai for him to be able to experience the feeling of having a home again. It's been a long, long time since he's been home and ate dinner like this.

He's home.

As he peacefully resumes eating, he thinks that dinners like these are definitely worth staying for.

.

.

On his thirteenth day here, he spends it by going outside. Without his fishing rod. He told Asuka that he wanted fresh air, but he couldn't tell her that he can't focus on fishing because of her. It was bad enough that he could barely catch anything from the last time when he was by himself before Manjoume found him. By now, Judai pretty much accepted that he will never be able to get any alone time for himself as long as he keeps bringing that fishing rod along. It's like his fishing rod is cursed—

"Are you sure it's not because you're still embarrassed over yesterday?" asks Yubel, casually.

Bristling, he gives them a look. "I can't just lie down and cloud watch anymore?" He knew it was a bad idea to come back to this lake.

His soulmate merely stares at him, like they're not buying his explanation at all.

Sitting up on the grass, Judai squirms. "Stop it."

Staaaare.

"Cut it out!" he whines, not so maturely.

They look away with the same air of nonchalance that makes Judai wonder if bullying him is a favorite pastime for Yubel. "This is why you're taking forever with her."

Hand running through his hair, he mutters, "I know."

"Your progress is almost little to none."

"I know!" he wails embarrassedly, wishing that mental earmuffs existed so that he could tune Yubel out. All things considered, he thought he had some pretty good progress yesterday—

Crossing their arms, they point out, "If you have enough energy to whine at me, then you have enough to tell her."

"I don't know hoooow!" he wails again, troubled. Why else would he want fresh air today? Geez, alone time for himself is a nonexistent concept at this point.

"Watching you is painful," Yubel comments, looking away like he's some eyesore.

Slumping his head down miserably, Judai can't help but agree. Boy, he wishes Johan were here— Wait.

Reaching into his pockets for his phone, he scrolls through his contact list and clicks on Johan's name. Through these past two weeks, it's honestly a miracle itself that Judai even lasted this long without consulting anyone. He was able to somehow figure things out on his own about his feelings for Asuka and how to fix things with her, but now, he really is stuck. At times like these, he needs his best friend. Next to him, Yubel looks alarmed and horrified as they blink at him pressing the call button.

"Judai?!" Johan exclaims, looking mildly dumbstruck as he accepts the call and enables video share. "Wow, you haven't called me in a while." His eyes quickly flicker to the right, and he brightly grins with a hand up in a friendly greeting. "Oh, Yubel! Been a while!"

Casually, Judai ignores the silent, ominous aura Yubel is directing to him. "Yo, Johan," he greets pleasantly, letting his soul partner sulk on their own. "Are you busy?"

His best friend looks contemplative. "Not right now. I'm in Germany for a tournament, but they closed the stadium for three days to set up everything."

He raises an eyebrow. "Was Manjoume there too, by any chance?"

Johan blinks, mildly stunned. "I… see you've already talked with him?" As Judai nods, Johan gives a hum. "I'll tell him you said hi later. He's on a different floor than me. So, what's up? I don't think you called to discuss Manjoume." With a cheeky smile, he aims it at Yubel, teasing, "Although, I'm touched that you wanna know if I'm doin' alright—"

"I don't care," Yubel deadpans, colder than glaciers from the north.

Amused, Judai watches Johan dramatically gasp and place a hand over his chest, pretending to be blown at by an imaginary blizzard. "I'm hurt, Yubel! It hurts right here."

They turn their head away, placid. "Befitting for a fool like you."

Not deterred, Johan drops the theatrics and stifles a laugh. He whispers to Judai, "Worth a shot, y'know."

Smiling widely, he replies, "Maybe Asuka will have better luck with them." He still doesn't know how Yubel and Asuka interacted with each other, but it couldn't be that bad since neither of them said anything about the other, especially since Yubel admitted they tolerate her. Keyword: tolerate.

Johan raises an eyebrow. "Asuka? You're visiting her?"

Exhaustedly, Judai lies back down on the grass and keeps the phone near his face as he watches the clouds. "Yeah."

Oddly, Johan stays quiet. Judai's about to ask why— "What came up with her?"

"I didn't even say anything yet," he mutters.

Amused, the reply he gets is: "Well, I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't catch on quickly."

Knowing that Johan has a point, Judai sighs. "Lots of things came up." Considering their time zone problems, Johan would turn into an insomniac and they would be here for a while if he tells the whole story, so he sums up everything as simply as he can. "She confessed to me, I rejected her, but I started to like her back."

This highly-condensed story seems to have broken Johan, rendering him wide-eyed and blinking periodically like some robot. Trying to be helpful, Judai waves a hand in front of the screen to wake him up. Even Ruby Carbuncle comes out and tries to help by lightly tapping its owner's face. (Yubel faded away by now, unable to stick around any longer.)

When he talks this time, Johan sounds unbelievably incredulous: "She… confessed… to you?"

After spending a whole week dwelling on this, Judai simply nods.

"...And you… rejected her?"

"On her birthday." He nods casually, sitting up.

If possible, Johan looks even more incredulous. "You rejected her… on her birthday…?"

Judai nods again, grimacing.

Johan scrunches his face in concern, probably worried about how Asuka took it. "...Why?" To Judai, it feels like he already has an idea of why it happened, but Johan just wants to hear it rather than assume it.

So, he responds with, "I just wanted her safe. It was my fault she got hurt with everyone."

It seems like he's an open book, because Johan knowingly says, "No, it wasn't your fault."

Sighing, he wearily meets Johan in the eyes. "Yeah, it was."

"No, it wasn't," Johan stresses, narrowing his eyes. "Is it my fault—" Judai looks at him. "—that Yubel possessed me?"

Staring at him beyond his phone screen, he tries to make out anything from Johan's eyes that would explain the need to ask this question, but he can't. So Judai declines adamantly, "No!" It's not Johan's fault. It's not Yubel's fault. It's his fault.

"Why?" Johan inquires, simply.

"Because it's my fault," Judai says. It's his fault.

"Why?" Johan patiently repeats, looking at him directly in the eyes sternly. It's like he's seeing the bigger picture than him, like Judai is still stuck somewhere that he can't escape from. It still feels like that's the case with him.

Judai digs through his memories, bittersweetness building up inside of him. "If I hadn't sent Yubel off to space, none of this would've—"

"But you didn't know." Johan doesn't overreact, merely meeting his eyes evenly. "You didn't know, so you didn't mean to do that. You need to have a reason for taking the blame."

"Not knowing counts," Judai mumbles. Because of his ignorance, almost everyone lost something or someone or both.

"So, it is my fault for letting Yubel possess me—" Johan's tone is casual, but there is something else in his eyes: challenge. "—since I didn't know they would."

His eyes widen. Slackened, Judai tries again: "But—"

"But I didn't know," Johan finishes with a nod. It's like they're going in a circle, an endless cycle. "So if it doesn't apply to me, then it shouldn't apply to you either."

Looking away from the video call, he furrows his brow.

"Y'know…" Not bothered by his silence, Johan calmly points out, "Back when we both dueled Yubel together, I knew I would be the one to take the blunt of it. I didn't know they would possess me, but I knew something would happen." A pause. "It was my dream to rescue everyone with my dueling, and I got that." Judai refuses to look at the screen. "And since I willingly went along with it, that doesn't really give you a reason to blame it on yourself."

He halfheartedly thinks that Asuka should've fallen for Johan instead—because if she did, she wouldn't be so hurt.

Johan would've been able to treat her better. Johan wouldn't have broken her heart or ruined her birthday. Johan wouldn't have put her through so much or put her life in danger. Johan knows so much, and he has courage to face things head on. Johan… He's… always ahead, always marching on, always accepting, always stronger. Sometimes, it made him jealous that Johan could do so much for people and spirits alike. Johan duels and fights for everyone who believes in him. It's always been his goal. He was always driven by those goals, for the greater good. Back then, Judai didn't really have any goals like that except to have fun. It made him feel shallow in comparison.

Lots of people say that the two of them are eerily similar, but this is not true. Johan is the person that Judai couldn't be like.

He and Johan are different.

"Did you know that more happened after you were gone?" Judai tries once more, persistent. "Did you know that I killed people? Did you know that I betrayed everyone?" Asuka's words from that duel with Brron echo in his head: I will have to carry the sadness of being betrayed by you. Everyone had something to say about it. It makes him feel sour. "Well, did you?"

"No," Johan answers, unperturbed and faithful. Why is he so calm about this? So calm even after knowing that Judai killed— "Because I know you wouldn't do any of that."

This makes Judai wonder. Had this been what Asuka meant when she mentioned that Johan wouldn't approve if he knew Judai's still bothered by this? Did she entrust all of her faith into this because Johan is his best friend? Because she knows that Johan is a pillar for him?

"Well—"

"Accidents happen."

Frustration bubbles up inside of Judai. "It wasn't an accident!"

"Did you mean to kill them?" The gaze unwavering, Johan stares head on.

His jaw clenches. "No."

"Then it wasn't your fault," Johan says, peacefully.

Judai feels like this is getting nowhere—

Johan doesn't falter: "We're all alive right now."

"Not the spirits that I killed," he mutters, sullen. Asuka said he should move on. Move on, move on, move on. Sometimes, it's easier said than done. He gave her his answer to move on, but that still doesn't excuse what he did.

"To make mistakes is what it means to live. That was Haou. Not you." Johan exhales slowly through his nose, scrutinizing him carefully. "There's more you're not telling me, Judai."

Judai feels like he knows what he means. "Asuka." He pauses, scouring for the right words. "She and I also talked about it. She said I should move on."

"So why don't you?" Johan raises an eyebrow, the challenge not quite vanishing from his eyes.

There it is again. Asuka's voice is ringing in his mind: You should accept change and live for everything. In fact, this conversation with Johan is starting to seem like the one he had with Asuka the more they talk. The repetition of the topics emphasizes what he still needs to work on for himself.

So, Judai truthfully answers, "Because I'm living in the past." His fingers clench into his fist, his other hand tightening around the phone.

With a small hum, Johan considers his answer and mentions, "You should listen to Asuka."

A sad smile. "I really should."

Johan looks proud. "She took everything out of my mouth. I can tell she smacked some sense into you before I did."

Judai gives a tiny laugh. Johan didn't even get to hear a single word of what she said to him, but it's like he doesn't even need to hear it to know how it went. He'd get along great with Asuka if they ever hang out in person. "She did." A brief pause, then he comments tentatively, "You don't seem that surprised about this whole thing." Did you already know?

Knowingly smiling, his best friend replies, "I was waiting for the day when you were ready to bring it up yourself. You wouldn't be growing if you can't do things by yourself, y'know." Kindly, he adds, "You're growing, Judai. That's another reason to live."

He replays his conversation with Asuka from the lake in his head over again. If he's being honest, her words gave him some hope for a while. She made him think that it's all right for him to feel lost and make mistakes. That it's fine to feel guilty over things, but it's more important to live the life you were given. And it really says something if Johan told him to agree with her, because Johan is his best friend. This talk with him seems to make Judai realize that he wasn't giving enough effort to actually move on. If both Johan and Asuka seem so adamant that it isn't his fault, then maybe he can slowly accept that and move on. Not because they want him to, but because he wants to. They just gave him the push.

Johan may be someone that he can never be like, but Judai thinks that's fine. They're both different people, and Johan is his pillar. Johan may be ahead of him, but it's because he's ahead that it encourages Judai to find the right path for himself and to keep up as well. Man, he feels lucky to have such strong friends around to help keep him in line.

Sincerely, he says, voice thick in gratitude, "Thanks, Johan."

Beaming, Johan nods approvingly and leisurely cradles his chin. "I think I'm starting to understand why Asuka fell for you."

What.

Judai immediately blinks, narrowly catching his phone from slipping onto the grass (or slamming into the ground). Numbly, he widens his eyes.

What.

What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what—

"What?!" he blurts, like some deranged parrot.

Simpering, Johan fights back laughter by covering his mouth with a hand. Gee, way to ruin the mood!

"Tell me!" Judai whines desperately, not knowing what he's even demanding. He's just grateful that no one else is here right now, because he'd have to jump into the water and hide or something. Gosh, he barely figured out that he likes Asuka back and here is Johan with the audacity to tell him that he already knows—

Eyes watery, Johan hoarsely chortles, "I said—"

"I know what you said!" he interrupts, hating that the temperature of his face is flaring immensely. "I meant how!" And Osiris, why is Winged Kuriboh suddenly appearing at a time like this? Lamely, Judai repeats, "How?!" How did he know?!

Johan grins lazily, shifting to the side to let Ruby sit on his shoulder and greet Winged Kuriboh. "That's something that stays with me. Sorry."

Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.

"Unbelievable," he complains aloud, indignantly shaking his phone.

Casually, Johan replies, "If I told you, then she'd be mad at me."

Hold up. Those two already became good friends with each other? When was this? His eyes narrow, looking stern. "You're saying she knew that you knew?" Did she outright tell Johan about it or something—

"Yes, but she didn't tell me anything about it. I figured it out on my own. I think the only thing I can safely blame you for is jumping to conclusions since you're doing such a great job right now," Johan smartly retorts, petting Ruby. As Judai mentally counts to three soothingly, Johan adds, "You mentioned you like her back? I take it that you worked out everything for yourself then. That's good."

"Not everything," he mutters, remembering why this video call is even happening. "She doesn't know." Well, she does. Sorta. This is putting it lightly. Lightly.

It takes Johan a moment to decipher this, then he laughs. He heartily laughs as he teases, "I never thought I'd see this day!" Absolutely not willing to ask what that sentence means, Judai sulks miserably. After Johan calms down, there's still a lingering smile. "You don't know about it, but Asuka and I talked during your graduation night party."

He perks, piqued. Johan and Asuka talked during graduation night? Neither of them ever mentioned it in front of him before.

"I was visiting since my graduation was on a different day," explains his best friend, petting Ruby again. "I was with O'Brien when I bumped into her outside for fresh air. Got to know her a bit, but—" Johan smiles meaningfully. "—she mainly talked about you. We both did."

Stiffening, his heartbeats quicken for a moment, startled.

"I told myself I wouldn't tell anyone—" Johan resumes, softly. "—but she cried a little bit that night. We both knew you already left, but I could tell she really wanted you there before you did."

"She cried?" Judai echoes, staring at the grass guiltily. Not only did he make her cry on her birthday, but he also made her cry on their graduation night?

"Just a few tears," promises Johan, reassuringly. "She did her best to smile. Said that she believes in you and that you two will meet again someday, and I believed in her when she told me that. It came true after all." A pause. "She was being honest. Honesty is important, y'know."

He hums, distracted.

"Which is a good place for you to start," Johan mentions, supportive. "If she doesn't know, then be honest with her."

Exhaling, Judai asks, "And then?"

"And then you believe in yourself."

"You say it like it's easy!" he whines, hand running through his hair.

Johan snickers. "Because it is! You told me that you like her. How come you can't do the same and tell her that yourself?" When he doesn't answer back, Johan starts looking puzzled at his silence until he dreadfully asks, "What else did you do...?" Man, he doesn't even bother hiding the apprehension, which says a lot about Judai's ability to screw things up.

"...I might have—" Judai mumbles, embarrassed. He tiredly flops backward on the grass once more, not caring how much grass is stuck on him. "—already tried to tell her yesterday."

"I'm almost afraid to ask what happened," comments Johan, eyeing him pitifully.

He might as well tell him now since it's inevitable that Johan will eventually find out anyway. "I sorta… Maybe… Uh— Tried to—" It seems that being articulate isn't a skill he's talented in yet. Oh, to be a cloud in the sky and to not worry about these kinds of things.

Johan mimic-mocks him in a light, encouraging tease, "You sorta-maybe-tried to…?"

"Kiss… her…" he mumbles faintly, feeling like he's lying down in a grave and not on soft grass.

Johan probably did some complex detective work in his head because he stifles more laughter without further questioning beyond this. Sometimes, it's a curse to have a best friend who knows a lot about you and your personality to a point where they just know things. "T-Things like these take time. It'll be okay," he wheezes, trying to show some self-restraint. Bless him. "Besides, you're still over there with her, so something must be going right for you!"

"What makes you so sure?" Judai asks wearily, staring at the sky once more.

"Because I believe in you!"

"That's a lot of trust."

"I'm just a trusting guy who likes to believe in his friends," grins Johan, cheeky. He even gives an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Judai snorts. "Suits you!" Thank goodness for Johan, honestly. Feeling more reassured, he goes back to staring at the clouds.

It's quiet for a bit—

"Amethyst Cat, direct attack!"

By instinct, he sits up stiffly and widens his eyes dramatically and pales deathly white, bringing up his hand to desperately shield his face. "Eh?!"

"Kidding!" chimes Johan happily, smiling broadly. "Thought I'd try some scare tactics. If you have enough energy to be scared, then you have enough to tell Asuka how you feel!"

Trying to calm his heart by patting his chest soothingly, he thinks it's unfair that his fear of Amethyst Cat's claws is being exploited like this. Unamused, Judai mutters, "Y'know, Yubel had the same idea and said something like that earlier."

And just like magic, Johan's eyes are positively glowing. He always tries to snag opportunities to befriend Yubel and this isn't an exception. "Oh, really?"

With the conversation somehow safely diverged because of his one comment, Yubel seethes inside of him. Evil.

I got it from you, Judai replies innocently.

.

.

She's sitting at the dining table when he comes back to the apartment several hours later.

Asuka takes one look at him and comments, "You're covered in grass."

Never finding out how much was stuck on him today, he smiles sheepishly before poking his head out the door to brush off any lingering grass. He honestly gave up brushing off the grass when Johan started poking fun at him, she being the main topic. Closing the door and removing his shoes, he says, "I was cloud-watching."

"At the lake?"

"Yeah." Hanging his blazer on the rack next to her coats and jackets, Judai walks to where she is, half-thinking about his conversation with Johan. She's looking at a pile of photos, some scattered on the table next to her mail. It looks like she'd been pretty preoccupied with it because the pile looks a bit messy. "Busy yourself?"

"Just going through the mail. Nii-san sent me something again, and so did Ryo and Momoe."

He nods along, but feels himself pausing shortly after. His eyebrow raises. "Kaiser did?" Had it been the old Kaiser he first met, Judai would not find it abnormal at all—but knowing that Kaiser was once Hell Kaiser certainly influences how Judai envisions him nowadays. Ex-Hell Kaiser sending mail like a regular member of society?

"Mhm." Smiling lightly, Asuka offers him a postcard in her hands.

Taking it, he reads to himself: Asuka, please tell Fubuki that I sent you this if he ever asks you about it. I'm tired of the migraines he keeps causing me from his badgering. It's as if he's lost a few screws that I can't ever seem to find. Aside from that, I do hope that things are faring well for you. Fubuki tells me that you're busy a lot, so I hope you can rest for your summer this year. Sho sends you his greetings as well. Lastly, I wish you had a splendid birthday by the time you receive this. I'll send you a proper gift as soon as I am able.

Kaiser's name is signed off at the end politely, but Judai has a hard time focusing on it as he laughs and rereads the beginning again. It reminds him of Yubel. Snickering, he hands the card back. "Fubuki-san won't like that."

As she takes it from him, she jokes, "I think he's used to it by now."

"Fubuki-san or Kaiser?" he finds himself asking, curious.

"Both."

Smiling at her wittiness, he seats himself across from her at the table. Judai takes some of the photos and starts looking through them, momentarily blinking at the sight of Asuka clad in a familiar dress. "Don't you have these already, from last time?"

She replies, "No. I only had a few copies. These seem to be from Momoe's personal collection, or given to her by Rei-chan."

He hums in response, absently flipping photo from photo and seeing her smile in almost all of them. "You look happy in these."

In these pictures, she's smiling with Junko and Momoe, talking pleasantly with passersby and laughing with their friends. She's just happy in these. She was able to make some happy memories before she moved to America, and those memories were preserved in these photos. Johan said she cried during this night, this night when she spent most of her time smiling for photos. It must've taken her a lot of effort to hide it since there's so many photos. She usually smiles very sincerely, or were those smiles something he imagined?

All Asuka says is, "Not entirely."

He echoes, "Not entirely?"

She exhales slowly. "Because you weren't there."

This makes him quiet. With the way she says it, he knows it's not a lie. "You guys are always in my thoughts."

"I know."

Judai looks up at her, searching. "Would it have made you happier if I was there?"

"Of course."

There was not even a single stutter from her.

Fingering the photo he's currently holding, he puts the other ones down. This is a simple photo of her talking with Fubuki, her brother dressed fancily like her. Fubuki looks like a prince while Asuka looks like a princess. Definitely not something meant for him. Princes don't really make people cry, and neither do supreme kings either. At least, not the supreme kings that were affected by anger and malice. "I'm here now."

Asuka smiles at him, earnest. "I know."

That seems to matter the most to her, because she says nothing else. He finds himself unable to respond either, this nice feeling inside of him not quite gone yet. Asuka resumes scribbling something on a postcard of her own while he goes back to flipping through more photos from the pile. Though, he pauses at one in particular the moment he sees it. Judai holds it gingerly, studying it closely.

It's a backshot of Asuka and Johan talking outside, O'Brien next to Johan's other side and staring ahead. From the odd angle of this picture, he assumes it was Rei who snapped it due to her short stature, along with someone's elbow obscuring the top right corner. It looks like this photo was sneakily taken. He stares at Asuka's smile and Johan's grin, wondering when during this conversation did Asuka cry. At which point during this moment did she talk about him and cry? He already understood that it was a sensitive topic when Johan admitted vowing to himself to not tell anyone that she cried, so the very fact that Johan even chose to tell him is already enough, despite the lack of answers Judai still has.

However, the more he looks at this picture, the more he feels wistful.

During the time when this was taken, based on the darkness of the sky in it, he was probably still in the middle of his post-graduation duel with Yugi-san. He was off rediscovering himself and refinding the reason of why he dueled while Asuka and everyone else was moving forward already. It made him feel like he was left behind, but he eventually picked up the pace and caught up now. These photos… They are a reminder of what he missed. They remind him that even though he wasn't physically there, everyone still thinks about him. Everyone is with him, even when he doesn't realize it himself. Asuka, she is one of those people. To her, he seems to matter. The memories in these photos? They seem to matter to him too, because they show him that Asuka is truly a kind person.

A kind person who loves him.

She loves him.

His fingers tighten around the photo, clinging. He stares at the smiling Asuka and Johan in the photo, something swelling in his heart. "Could we duel later?" She looks startled, pausing her writing. He knows that she will ask him, so he adds, "Just… another duel before I need to leave tomorrow, y'know?"

"All right." She understands that this isn't what he really wants. "After dinner?"

Not looking up from the photo, he says, "Okay," because he needs to tell her something.

.

.

He isn't sure if he should laugh or not as he sits there, watching her look flabbergasted while she intensely studies her cards and then his cards laid out on the blanket of the guest bed. They just had their duel and he lost this time, making her the winner. This stuns Asuka so much that it looks like she's convinced that she's dreaming right now because she hasn't stopped looking so wide-eyed, like she thinks it's some kind of crime for him to lose and for her to win.

So he lost. Big deal, right? By now, Judai thinks he's learned his lesson about having fun while dueling. He supposes his first wake-up call about that was when he first lost to Edo—and let's not get him started on recalling the way he sulked in depression about it to a point where he couldn't even see his cards anymore for a good chunk of time. That experience really broke something in him when it happened, but it's okay because he managed to grow from that failure.

You win some, you lose some. He just happened to lose some this time. He'll get back up, because dueling's no fun if he doesn't do that. It's a part of growing up, after all.

However, just because he has peacefully accepted that he lost, it doesn't mean it's any less shocking to Asuka. Apparently. "Did you go easy on me? I have to know."

She says it so seriously that Judai laughs, hearty. "Nope; it's all real. You won. Congrats!" Hearing no response, he looks up to see her openly gaping. Gosh, she's always trying to win against him, but she's speechless when she actually does win? "Is it really that shocking?" he asks, to which she nods at seriously. "Oh… I didn't know that." He awkwardly regathers his cards to reshuffle his deck. While it's nice to know that she thinks highly of his skills, all he really does when he duels is try his best and have fun again nowadays. It's what his duel with Yugi-san reminded him to do, after all.

It makes her shake her head before saying, "So, what did you want to tell me this time?"

"What?" he replies in his best oblivious voice because even though he's been expecting this for a while, a part of him is still scared.

Maybe she caught onto it because she sounds unconvinced by his act: "Whenever you have a hard time thinking about something, you like to settle it with a duel so that you could make a decision."

Judai meekly replies, "Good observation," because it seems like she still pays attention to him and that makes it even harder for him to turn back. So instead, he tells himself to be brave before he starts saying his truths: "Yubel is important to me. But I'm here, and I'm just Yuki Judai. I'm not really The Supreme King anymore. Maybe I am in spirit, on the inside, yeah, but I— I'd like for a chance to be myself while I'm still alive like this in this current time, y'know?"

Johan said to begin with honesty. And if he's really being honest, Judai will admit that the Dark World left him with some identity crisis until he voluntarily fused with Yubel. He fused with them because Haou is inside of him, and Haou loves Yubel. Haou and Yubel were raised in the same environment and they know each other. Judai grew up as Judai, and he grew up as a simple boy. Heck, he didn't know about Yubel until his father brought back their card from his trip abroad. He, as Judai, still loves Yubel because they protected him and became his first real friend in this lifetime, but—

"I'd like to just be Yuki Judai," he says softly, like it's a small light burning in him. "That's who I know myself to be, right now, ever since I was born. I didn't grow up knowing I was Supreme King. Just… me."

Asuka doesn't respond. She stares at the bed, probably because she doesn't want to look at him as he reveals some of the things that plagued his mental state for years. But that's okay, because all of it leads up to what he wants her to know. He will be honest with her.

"And since we've graduated, I think I'm allowed to decide what I'd like to do with my life, and that includes choosing where I wanna go." As a habit, his hand awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. "It's strange, though. I heard America's a giant country, and it is. But I keep coming back here. It's always really cold up north with Johan—and Yubel hates him from his hair to his guts, so I can never get a moment of peace with those two in the same room. Which is all the time because, y'know, soul partners? Jim can get carried away with digging since he likes researching each fossil he finds and Karen can't really talk, so it's not like I can hang out with him too much either." He's aware that he's rambling. "So yeah—I, um, I really like being here."

"I-I'm glad." She pauses, processing everything thus far. "You really spent a lot of time thinking, didn't you?"

Oh, he did plenty of thinking on the way back to the apartment today, including this whole week. The fact that he legitimately spent that long thinking says a lot about how he likes it here. The fact that he felt so confused says a lot about how he likes her company. The fact that he's putting so much effort to tell her these things right now says a lot about how he decides to choose her.

"Yeah." He shows a small smile. "I was trying to tell you that, during the day when I slipped on your floor—" He averts his eyes, feeling dejected from remembering how she rushed out of the bathroom like she wanted to avoid him at all costs. "—but you sorta left before I could make my point…"

Asuka looks sheepish, explaining, "I thought you'd prefer being with Johan since you're best friends. Or with Jim."

Listening, he nods along, but Judai also raises an eyebrow. "Your reason for suggesting Jim?" He can definitely understand why she brought up Johan, but Jim? The way she says Jim's name makes it seem like it was a last-minute addition to her sentence, which makes him wonder if she views him and Jim the same way she does for him and Johan.

Although, it seems like that's not the case. "You're both guys…?" she says timidly, sounding unsure herself.

For a moment, Judai just blinks dumbly at her.

Because he and Jim are… both guys…?

What does him and Jim both being guys have anything to do with—

All of a sudden, laughter begins to build up inside of him, and he outright laughs aloud behind his fist.

She walked out on him from the bathroom in the middle of their serious conversation because she thought he prefers guy company over hers? Is this also why she asked him if she was boring? He didn't even realize she worries about this sort of stuff at all! It's a mix of cute and funny and endearing all at the same time. He personally doesn't care for gender when befriending others—Yubel's genderless anyway—and clearly, she didn't stop to wonder why he'd want to hang around someone he thought was boring. He wouldn't feel like this for a 'boring' person either.

"I don't think that really matters to me, Asuka," he amusedly replies, smiling fondly. "After all, I could go fishing with any of you. I could go to bookstores with any of you. I could duel with any of you. I could crash with any of you, and I could spend time with any of you. That seems pretty equal to me." The guy company is nice, but he thinks she's worried about nothing. She seems to have forgotten that she was there for a long time before he even met Johan or Jim.

"Then why me?" she asks softly, like she can't seem to comprehend him.

He feels like he can't comprehend himself either on some days, about the things he ends up doing and saying, but he does comprehend that she's special to him.

"I like you," says Judai with tentative valor, looking away for a moment. He probably makes no sense right now because all she's truly aware of is his rejection to her—but he didn't think he'd get this far, and he probably only has this one chance left that he's currently using up. It's all or nothing at this point. "Yeah, I really like my time with Johan and Jim. And yeah, I have fun with them." Mentally preparing himself, he adds, "I feel like I can always relate with Johan, and Jim is a pretty fun guy when you drag him away from fossils."

When she quietly lowers her head, he frowns because he can tell she's fretting again for nothing.

So, he tries to let her know that: "But it's not Johan or Jim who always makes sure I get extra fried shrimp every time I come over to eat with them, nor do they both really stick around the whole time when I go fishing." Raising his hand, Judai starts listing anything in his memories that he associates with her as he ticks off each finger. "Johan's place doesn't have an extra pillow specifically fluffed up on the guest bed, waiting for someone in particular. In fact, Johan doesn't even have a guest room since he's always attending tournaments and his place is pretty small. I get the honor of sleeping on the couch. Jim's fish tastes pretty good, but it can sometimes be a little undercooked since he doesn't really eat fish."

You add extra fried shrimp in my bowl. You stick around when I go fishing even though you don't like fishing. You fluff the pillows because I stay in that room when I'm over. You cook the fish just right because I mentioned to you that I like fish.

Relentlessly, he continues listing things because he wants her to see her worth to him: "Johan and Jim don't really own that many books, and it's weird since I'm so used to seeing books everywhere even though I don't even read 'em. Yeah, I don't really read, to be honest. But I actually found it helpful when I was reading those fish books that other day, and it wasn't that bad."

It's not like he abhors reading; he just doesn't find it engaging enough for him, so it colored him surprised when all it took to get him to read was to give him a book about fishing. Asuka had his interests in mind when she offered him that book because she hadn't made any attempts to offer him books at all until they reached the fishing aisle. It made him happy. It made him think books are pretty great. That whole day was fun for him.

"I have loads of fun with Johan, but I think I can have fun with any of my friends," he mentions, resolute. "Johan and I share a lot of things in common, but we're still different people and I have a different life than him. Jim and I are friendly, but we're both friendly people." A brief pause. "I risked my life for Johan in that world because I blamed myself for losing him, and I didn't want to lose someone I could connect with." He sits up, wondering when exactly did it become so easy to disclose these things to her. "I think Jim mentioned he wanted to save me in return because he just wanted to help a friend."

Because Jim believed in me. If Jim could believe in him, then Judai can believe in himself too.

Judai takes another pause, knowing this is a delicate topic both to him and her. "Johan wasn't the only one I wanted to save ever since I dueled Brron. I wanted to save all of you guys and Johan because you guys are all important to me."

Brron knew they were all important to him. That's probably why he chose to turn them all into his vessels and took away their souls. Yubel knew Johan was important to him too, and that's why they possessed him. If he wanted Johan back, everyone suffered. If he wanted everyone safe, Johan stayed gone. Going through great lengths for Johan dragged everyone else in, and it greatly pained Judai to know that he couldn't rescue everyone at once. He could only choose one option, and it felt like the wrong choice to others.

The fears left him insecure and helpless. So when he saw Asuka and everyone else vanish in that duel with Brron, he wasn't sure if he could take it anymore. He wanted absolutely no repeats of these accidents, and it influenced the way he regarded people. Unfortunately, that also meant breaking Asuka's heart.

"It's why I rejected you. I hurt a lot of people, and I didn't want to do that to you again," Judai admits, smiling sadly. "Hurting Yubel was enough for me. I was tired of hurting. I didn't know how else I could've answered you back there, and that really sucked." Breaking her heart was the lesser of the two evils when it happened. "You asked me why I stayed. I had to wonder about that myself for a while, actually." He starts sounding tentative: "I wanted to." Willing a halfhearted smile, he thinks of her smiling photos from earlier and says, "I was tired of hurting. I just wanted to be somewhere where I felt like I could make another person happy."

Johan and Jim always welcomed him with open arms, like they're having some friendly, casual gathering. But Asuka, she's always looked really happy when he stops by, like it's something beyond unimaginable, and he'd always wonder why. All he knew was that he was content and she was content. Little did he know, tiny sentiments like that can sometimes feel and weigh like the world for another person.

"So," he speaks up again. "Yeah, I'd have no problems staying over with Johan or Jim since I'm pretty comfortable with both of them. But I never said Johan or Jim's place was my comfort place." Taking a pause, he notices that Asuka hasn't looked up at him once in this whole conversation, but that's okay. He sees her shoulders tense and her fingers curl, and knows that she's been listening to every word he's saying. That's good because he still has a lot to say. "Neither Johan or Jim look sad whenever I go back on the road. Neither Johan or Jim scream at me to take care of myself, even though it's pretty obvious that I suck at it." He takes his time with saying this next sentence because it means the most to him: "Neither Johan or Jim have told me that they love me, and then cares enough to not cry in front of me when I turned them down, nor did they try so hard to make sure that we're still friends afterward."

Still unable to respond, Asuka lowers her head even more, her fingers tightly clenched.

In hopes that he somehow gets across to her, he decides to address the same topic that he used to break her heart with, because it seemed to have affected her so much and he genuinely never meant for it to make her cry.

"Yubel is important to me, so I care about their comfort too when I'm at places. Yubel apparently can't seem to stand how loud Johan is or how annoying Jim is. But y'know what?" She isn't looking at him, but he still gives her a softened look. "I don't really get complaints from Yubel when I'm over here. I don't really see why they would have complaints about here anyway. I never have complaints here either. You know why?" Knowing she won't respond anyway, he answers, "Because I know that the person who lives here puts in a lot of care into making sure I'm comfortable, even when I don't ask for it. I can tell she really cares about me." I can tell she really meant her confessions. "And I don't mind at all. I really appreciate it instead."

It's ironic how he's trying so hard to reverse his rejection to her. It's silly of him. But y'know what? He's a silly guy. He's an idiot. He's a silly idiot who's never really liked anyone before, and he's a silly idiot who just wants to keep important things close to him. He's a silly idiot who just wants to be happy with those important things because those things are irreplaceable.

Grabbing a fistful of the blanket they're sitting on, Asuka clenches it tightly and squares her shoulders.

It gives Judai the last bit of courage that he needs to tell her: "I wouldn't mind if she keeps it up." He smiles, sincere and at peace with himself. "Because I'm supposed to feel comfortable at home anyway, right?"

She is his home.

This is home.

He's home.

With everything on his mind said, he feels highly embarrassed for sounding like such a huge sap and lamely continues, "So yeah, I've been thinking about that for a while, and I think it's going to be okay. For us. I spent so long that even Yubel called me an idiot for being so confused, but I just wanted to make sure that I wanted to do this and sort it out first before telling you. I still don't really know much about this, aside from what Yubel knows, so I don't know if I'm even doing a good job or not—"

Her hand latches onto his sleeve abruptly, so he quiets himself as he looks at her. She still has her head bowed downward, but the moment he sees tears staining the bed with large wet dots, he pales and widens his eyes, feeling panicked. Did he really just make her cry again? Making her cry apparently seems to be his talent these days, and he doesn't even mean to do it on purpose! It makes him feel like such a villain.

Apologetically watching her stubbornly fight back more tears, Judai debates with himself and ultimately decides to let her cry it out while politely not remarking on it since she doesn't like it when people see her cry and he thinks it's better than bottling it up. Like her, he's also feeling embarrassed since he almost told her that it's okay for them to be together. Yeah, that's embarrassing no matter how he looks at it. Averting his eyes, he sits there quietly, listening to her softly sob—

Abruptly, he's tugged forward by his sleeve.

Startled, he barely has any time to realize what's going on until she kisses him.

She kisses him.

She kisses him right on the lips.

Eyes widened, he finds himself unable to stop her. In fact, he doesn't stop her at all. He wonders when had he ever been this soft to anyone, because he had always believed that romance was not his thing. He barely even blinks when someone asks him romance-related things, and he always comes up with uninterested answers.

It just wasn't his thing. People saw it as a way of finding happiness with other people, but is that really all there is to it? Judai sometimes pondered about it. All love ever did to him was make him lose everyone and hurt them and sent him through trauma for a while. He's either a really special case, or love is truly as idealistic as it's viewed as and he was just an unlucky guy from the start. It just seemed impossible for him to achieve the more things piled up for him.

Although, if he feels this way towards Asuka, then maybe the impossible can be possible once in a while. He's not exactly against it if he managed to get this far. His rejection to her was probably another wake-up call for him since it made him reflect so deeply over how he feels for her. Manjoume and Johan—and even Yubel—helped him out.

But maybe… It was Asuka who ended up helping him out the most.

She breaks their kiss, then murmurs, "You're trying. That's all I can ask for." Judai lets her hug him, because the grip she has on the back of his shirt is tight and the front of his shirt is wet. Once more, he does not comment on her crying. "Thank you."

No one's ever hugged him after kissing him while crying before, so he awkwardly returns the hug and hopes that it somewhat comforts her. His shirt is soaked in tears, so he assumes that she understood what he was trying to convey to her. He poured out everything that he thought about this past week to her and virtually anything else that came up along the way, so he honestly has no more to say. Quietly, he just lets her cry and lets her cling onto him, like an anchor. She became his anchor, so he thinks he can be one too.

Now that this talk is over, he feels like he can actually relax for once. It was tiring to get to where he is now, even more than the other conversation at the lake. To add onto his perpetual tiredness, the clock says it's currently past midnight, and he has to get up early tomorrow to settle his means of transportation. Nowadays, he's normally a night owl and doesn't sleep too much anymore anyway, but this whole week left him pretty haggard.

So he plops himself onto the pillow and brings Asuka with him. They lie on their sides, him feeling thankful that he thought of this since she finally looks at him in the face. He fights back a cringe at her pink eyes and wet cheeks, but he still manages a tender smile for her because it also touches him deeply that his words made her react this strongly.

"I'm tired," he says lightly. And just so that she doesn't get any more funny ideas and start worrying again, Judai jokes, "It's time for bed anyway."

Asuka looks hesitant. "Should I… go?"

He enjoys the feeling home gives him now, so he tells her, "Stay."

This time, she's the one who stays for him.

Looking drowsy, she slowly starts to fall asleep with a tired smile on her face. It looks a bit jarring with the tear marks on her cheeks, so Judai patiently waits for her to close her eyes before using his sleeve to gently wipe at the tear marks. He can't do anything about his wet shirt or blanket, but at least he can do this much after making her cry. Besides, it's technically his bed now, so he can't really complain either way.

Patting her head gently, he decides to let her sleep and carefully removes his arms from her. He shifts to lie flat on his back, head sinking into the pillow.

You might as well get a new shirt, Yubel quips in the peaceful silence.

Pulling the blanket over Asuka, he teases back, I'll have to go back to Johan's place to pick up more.

Then perhaps a trip to the store is long overdue for you, they casually suggest, pretending to not acknowledge Johan's existence. As he inwardly snorts, he lies there and exhales deeply to himself, watching Asuka sleep peacefully. Are you certain this is what you want? Yubel eventually asks, after some silence.

When he looks between Asuka's smile and his wet sleeve, he smiles and answers with clarity, Yeah. I'm happy like this.

His soul partner reminisces, Haou always said to hold onto the things that make you happy.

He has a good heart, Judai responds.

Yes. Yubel adds, It seems to have rubbed off on you.

So it might've, he agrees lightheartedly, closing his eyes to also go to sleep.

It's been so long since he's slept this comfortably.

.

.

He's the first one to wake up, around nine in the morning, since he's accustomed to waking up at random times of the day. Asuka is still asleep, so he lets her sleep. For a minute or so, he lies there in the silence, letting the peace prolong a bit longer. Today's the last day of his visit, which he is certain that she knows about.

Yubel comments, You speak as if you'll never see her again.

Rolling his eyes, he slowly sits up on the bed, careful to not wake Asuka up as he fixes his hair. Yeah right, he says back, sarcastic. After everything he's endured this past week, Judai would scream on the inside if more things were to come up now, especially never seeing her again when he finally decided everything for himself just last night.

So you admit that you'll come back? they ask, feigning curiosity.

He inwardly grumbles, Why else would I have told her all of that yesterday?

To make her cry? Yubel suggests innocently.

Psh. 'Innocent.' Okay. This bullying is totally unfair.

Giving up, he doesn't respond with any sort of comeback as he looks at Asuka thoughtfully.

She must know what she's getting herself into after yesterday's talk, and it only makes him wonder how much more she's willing to go through after he leaves for real today. After he leaves, she'll be alone again—it makes him feel a little guilty that he can't do anything about that, but this is the life both he and her want right now. He'll still go traveling while she'll still be teaching, but it makes him think that it can't hurt to come back more than usual. She already did tell him that she didn't mind, after all. But talking is easier than doing, so he supposes he should actually start managing his time more carefully from now on.

As he sits there mulling for a few minutes, Asuka finally wakes up, slowly opening her eyes.

He blinks at her before putting on a broad grin, not quite willing to bring up her loneliness yet. He'll just be extra happy today to make up for it. "Morning, sleepyhead!"

His hand hovers near his head for a mock salute in greeting, but she seems too groggy to notice. She rubs her eyes, and he notices they're less pink than they were last night. That's a relief. Even his shirt and blanket dried up overnight too. "What time is it?"

Judai warmly jokes, "Time for you to get up!" Ruffling her hair, he can tell she's more tired than usual from the way she doesn't even complain or pry him off. Sympathetic, he informs her, "It's 9:30."

"9:30?" she echoes, shaking her head. "When are you leaving today?"

"In an hour or two." He thinks he can make it in time for a train before departure since she lives somewhat close to the station. "I was thinking of catching a train before I switch to a ship."

Asuka sits up and smiles softly with no complaints. "I'll make you lunch to bring along."

Just like with dinner, he hasn't gotten a homemade lunch for himself in years. Coincidentally enough, the very last ones he had were from when she and Rei both made him bento boxes on a day when he woke up in Ayukawa-sensei's office. He gulped down both of their lunches in a heartbeat, and he never ate anything else that tastes quite like those lunches ever since.

And now, he can eat those lunches again after so long.

"You don't have to," he tries to insist politely, feeling touched.

She stops combing her hair with her fingers, grumbling, "I do. I take care of you now, remember?"

It makes Judai stop functioning for a moment, making him unable to do anything but blink as she quickly slides off the bed to exit the room. Her footsteps start receding, and now he hears silence.

Silence.

Did she just—

"With her around, I might be able to rest easy for once."

Feeling embarrassed like a loser, he sternly gives Yubel a look, which does absolutely nothing to them. "What does that mean?" he mutters under his breath.

"It means that I can finally share the burden of handling your idiocy."

Indignant, he whines a low, "Shut up," as his face continues burning.

Bullying him is. Just. So. Unfair.

.

.

He leans backward to avoid being smacked by the wrapped bento box she offers him. "Make sure you eat it," Asuka nags, clad in a ponytail and an apron and her clothes from yesterday. "If I find out that you fainted or something due to hunger or fatigue, I wil—"

Rolling his eyes at her nagging, Judai languidly interrupts her with, "Alright, alriiiiight," because he'll be here the whole day if he doesn't. Taking her lunch, he hoists his traveling bag over his shoulder with his other hand when he turns around to the door and puts on his shoes. He wants to joke about how the nagging seems endless, but he knows she only does so because he's, well, not the smartest person around. He's dug enough holes for himself this week to last a whole lifetime already. "Next thing you'll tell me to do is to text you a picture of me eating," he teases instead.

She shrugs. "I would, but I trust you." He won't tell her, but it makes him really happy to hear that. "Just make sure to bring back the box so I can wash it whenever you—" She carefully words herself this time, like it would trigger him again if she didn't. "—come back."

Had it been two weeks earlier, he would've been less than enthusiastic to hear it, but now, he's really happy. Home is supposed to be comfortable, after all. Besides, she technically triggered him about three times up until now, so he acknowledges it as one of the things he still has to improve on for himself. He has to get used to it at some point if it's normal for her, so he might as well start now. Johan said that growing up is a way to live, and Judai wants to live.

Casually, he corrects her, "Whenever I come home." She was probably just trying to be considerate of his feelings because she awkwardly plays with her apron upon his correction, not knowing what else to say. Touched by her efforts, he says gently, "I'm going now."

Asuka surprises him for the umpteenth time by approaching him to kiss his cheek. "Take care."

Coloring a bit, he wonders if this happy feeling in his heart comes naturally when you like someone. He can't speak for Asuka, but this is his first time experiencing all of this and he didn't exactly have good role models to teach him how to handle romance. He might have technically kissed her once, but he's awfully embarrassed by it since that was in the spur of the moment. (Johan and Yubel will probably never let him live it down. Osiris.)

This is probably something he just needs to adjust with time. People kiss when they like each other, that much he knows at least. It's sorta like that time when he witnessed the spirit of Black Magician Girl kissing Sho on the cheek during the festival dance at the Osiris dorms.

He already made it crystal clear that he likes her, so he also kisses her back on the cheek. Feeling awkward, his hand pulls up the collar of his blazer to shield half of his face, and he can't seem to decide if that was a good move or not because the red of his blazer could easily match his face right now for all he knows. Alas, he doesn't really have the guts to attempt any other sort of kiss after the embarrassing first attempt he did. "I'll try to make it back." But before he can open her door, he pauses. She'll be alone when he walks out, so Judai makes sure to tell her: "If you ever want to talk, I'm there."

"Maybe I could drop a call when you switch over to the ship?" Asuka offers with a small smile, tentatively.

He thoughtfully considers it.

If O'Brien gave him this phone, then he might as well actually use it. He's texted with Johan a couple of times and called others occasionally as well, but he usually does so if he feels like he hasn't interacted with them for a severely long period of time. Being a people person was his specialty back then, but he supposes this is just another thing to experience when you grow up in life. His call history is practically empty aside from O'Brien whenever he gives his reports or Johan because Johan usually initiates the call, so Judai thinks it could use another name or two in there sometimes. Lately, Manjoume is a new addition to this list, so it would not bother Judai at all if Asuka's name also showed up there more.

He gives her a silly smile, unconditionally happy at her offer. "There's not much to do on the ship, so I'll have all the time in the world while I'm there." Call me whenever you'd like.

There's some red on her face, and she mumbles, "I'll do it later then. You'll be late."

Amused, his smile widens as he refrains from laughing. He doesn't have the heart to tell her that he can't be late if he doesn't even know which train he's taking yet. He's heading south, but there is nowhere he specifically wants to go, so he doesn't particularly mind which train and route to go with. If she knew about the extent of his laxness and laziness, then he'd probably never hear the end of it and miss every available train altogether. What a characteristic mom thing for her to do, to be honest.

"Right," he hums instead, closing her door softly without looking back. As he descends the stairs, he absently looks at the wrapped bento box in his hand. It wasn't even necessary, but she used a red cloth for it.

Pharaoh pokes his head out of his bag, opening his mouth and letting Daitokuji-sensei's spirit float out. "That was the cutest thing ever, nya!" he coos first thing.

Being highly experienced in this by now, Judai pretends there is empty space next to him as he exits the apartment complex and starts to find the route that leads to the train station.

"Fine, ignore me, nya!" Even though he's still in spirit ball form, Daitokuji-sensei sounds like he's sulking. Judai shakes his head. His ex-teacher is quiet for a moment, hovering next to him. "But I am glad that it worked out for you, Judai-kun," he says, sincere. "I can tell Asuka-san is really happy, nya. Through all the handful of times I've talked with her, I've never seen her look as happy as she does now."

He still doesn't know a few details like when she even fell in love with him or why she fell in love with him or how she actually handled his initial rejection, but those things don't seem to matter that much right now. Leap over one hurdle at a time, right? They managed to talk about many things this past week, and that's a lot for both of them to process. It's a miracle it actually worked out last night. She cried again, but they were happier tears and she shed those tears just for him.

Judai smiles, tenderness in the gesture. "Me neither," he replies, earnest. Honestly, he wouldn't have it any other way. Turning a corner, he walks through a vacant street. With curiosity, he asks, "Why did you bring it up anyway, Daitokuji-sensei?"

"I just think it's good that you're happy," he responds, kindly. "There's nothing better for an ex-teacher like me than to see his ex-students be happy, nya."

"Moving on to be happy, and to be happy moving on," Judai quotes teasingly. "Can't have one without the other, right?"

Daitokuji-sensei ruins the moment by dramatically gasping aloud and sounding teary-eyed: "So you did learn something from me, nya!"

Rolling his eyes, Judai shakes his head and just continues walking, wondering if all surrogate fathers around the world are this embarrassing.

.

.

He opens her bento box when he finally decides on a train to board, the red cloth she used to wrap it safely tucked into his bag. Prying the lid off, he takes one look at the contents before fondly smiling.

Both of them knew it was only a joke she made, but Asuka actually packed some fish and shrimp together for his lunch, neatly decorated over his rice among other toppings she also packed. There's more shrimp than fish, but this is the first homemade lunch he's received from her that contains two of his favorite foods in one. When he eats it, he feels like he's there eating with her at the dining table like usual. It's unreal how happy it makes him feel. Judai misses eating meals this warm.

He hopes he can eat food like this again when he's on the way home some time later. He'd really like that.

Because it gives him more of a reason to come back and stay.

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epilogue — asuka's pov!

November's almost over already, Asuka thinks to herself, dusting off her shelves and furniture.

It's not a huge surprise to her; her teaching job sometimes makes her lose track of time. Five days a week teaching can actually pass by pretty fast since she's always occupied somehow. According to American holidays, she should have the entirety of next week off for herself because Thanksgiving is coming up. Since America celebrates it in a different way than Japan, she honestly has no holiday plans for herself next week. She can't even grade during the holidays since she already finished that.

Which makes her think of Judai.

During one of their phone calls a while back, she made an offhand comment about this upcoming week off and it made him wonder about visiting again. He never specified what time he'd drop by though, and she always has a hard time guessing when he would actually come. If it were a game, she'd lose every time. What were the chances that she'd actually get it right if she guessed he'd be here today?

Her doorbell sounds off.

Raising an eyebrow, she puts down her feather duster to go to the door, although she doesn't remember doing anything that required a visit by anyo—

When she opens her door, Asuka widens her eyes and thinks for a moment if her sarcastic comment made literally thirty seconds ago was actually heard by someone. How many times did she tell him to text her if he comes?

"I'm back," Judai smiles at her, looking cold from the autumn air. He's bundled up in his blazer, hand in his pocket as the other holds his bag. The sight inspires her to try finding a scarf for him eventually; maybe she can do it for Christmas.

Because she can never stay too mad at him for long, she softens and greets back, "Welcome home."

At first, 'home' was something she said out of pure habit—but after Judai pointed it out, she can't deny that it made her more self-aware of it, no matter when she uses it nowadays. Given her upbringing and the Japanese customs ingrained into her, she still says I'm home whenever she comes back to her apartment after stepping out, even if it's just herself here. Sometimes, it makes her think of Junko and Momoe when they still roomed together. Sometimes, it makes her think of Fubuki and coming back to their old house when they still lived together with their parents. Other times, it makes her think of Judai. (Not that she'll tell him, but still.)

She lets him come inside, taking out Pharaoh from his bag while Judai hangs up his blazer. She reminds herself to check his bag again later for the bento box she gave him a while back as Pharaoh lets her carry him up, probably feeling comfortable as he lazily curls into her arms. Conversationally, Asuka inquires, "So, how long are you staying this time?"

"One and a half weeks," he answers, causing her to raise an eyebrow. He never liked math, so she finds it hard to believe he'd go with 'a half' for anything that did not relate to dueling and keeping track of lifepoints.

With skepticism apparent, she echoes, "A half?"

Looking like he's considering something, Judai offers an explanation, "I don't want to be in the way too much when you go back to work?"

While it doesn't really convince her completely, she still sees some validity in this reasoning and nods for his sake. She will never understand the inner mechanisms of his mind anyway. "Okay," she simply replies, setting Pharaoh back on the floor since he enjoys napping near her couch, but all he does is curl up near her feet. She assumes he likes her company since she's the one who usually remembers to feed him.

Deciding to leave the cat alone, she glances away and sees Judai rubbing his arm, looking cold again. Brow furrowing, she wants to ask how long he's been outside, but he catches her eye and smiles. "I'm just cold," he says, trying to sound reassuring.

The lecture she mentally prepared to give him deteriorates, the urge to nag him fading away the more she looks at him. He usually takes a ship to come here, and the harbor is pretty far if traveled by foot. She tells herself that he came back, which matters more in the end. Besides, she'd like to believe that he has enough willpower and common sense to survive outside for someone who travels a lot.

Resignedly letting it slide, she absently notices the paleness of his face before she approaches him to put her palms on his cheeks. She's clad in warmer clothing and the heater is on, so her temperature must be better than his right now. "Better?" she softly asks, stroking her thumbs. It's not her first time touching him, but it is her first time cradling his face. The closest she ever came to touching his face was when her finger brushed across his chin as she applied the band-aid for his chin bruise months ago.

He suddenly leans his forehead against hers, and her heart skips. "Yeah."

With valor, she leans up while he leans down. It surprises her since she was the one who initiated their first kiss on the lips. He technically initiated the real first one, but that was on the corner of her li— Technicalities aside, she didn't expect to have a mutual kiss for a while, given how he's not used to affection. She isn't either, but she understands that it's more serious with him, which is why she can't seem to see how it looks like he easily got over it this time.

Breaking the kiss, she looks into his eyes and he does the same. It makes her wonder if he's getting used to the idea of kissing with her—

Cowardly, Asuka breaks eye contact by closing her eyes because this train of thought is not good for her heart. To make matters worse, Judai actually laughs at her, which makes her fearful if a certain someone had tipped him off about what she was thinking about or if he's just being a jerk. It's probably the latter because Yubel wouldn't want to involve themself with their moments, and it's all Asuka needs to huff and pinch Judai's face for vengeance. The intense hotness of her face isn't so bad as she keeps pinching him.

"Asuka!" Judai just keeps laughing while trying to pry her off, like it's all fun and games to him. Jerk. Taking her wrist, he laughs, "Alright, I give up!"

"That's more like it." Not having the heart to inflict real harm to him, she defeatedly lets go of him. He is still grinning as he rubs his cheeks, looking amused. Yup, still a jerk. Huffing once more, seeing him in her apartment reminds her that she wanted to give him something this time. She never told him, but she's spent a few months waiting for an opportunity. "I have something to give you. Wait here," she tells him, already turning around to head to her room, trying to gather her determination.

It'll be okay. She had weeks and months to prepare for this, but it still feels awkward. It shouldn't be that awkward to give him a spare key for the apartment. It's just a spare key. It'll be okay.

Opening her bedroom door, she feels like this nervousness stemmed from her landlady.

It was all fine when Asuka asked her for the key at first, but her curious landlady just had to ask if Fubuki had lost his spare key, to which Asuka denied. An offhand comment about how families and couples usually asked for spare keys was all her landlady needed to say in order to have the revelation that Asuka was not asking for a spare key in Fubuki's stead. Asuka never knew what peace was anymore ever since that day, and Fubuki didn't even find out yet himself. Joy. Hopefully, Judai won't bump into her landlady from now on. She still needs to mentally prepare herself for her brother's inevitable reaction upon his next visit because she's somehow managed to miraculously skirt around it whenever Fubuki calls her lately.

Opening her desk drawer, Asuka swipes the key onto her palm and quickly exits her room after flipping the lights off. He's seated on her couch when she reenters the living room.

She offers it to him. "Here." Judai takes it slowly, piqued as he studies it. "I asked for a copy of the spare key," she explains, trying to not remember her landlady's comment about how accidentally locking out boyfriends is bad luck. Asuka didn't have the heart to tell her that Judai sometimes uses the window and her balcony as alternate entrances if something bad happens to the door. "I think you should have one from now on. Keep it on you."

Happily, he smiles. "Does this mean I'm special?"

She stares at him.

Special.

He wants to know if he's special.

A part of her wants to roll her eyes because No, Judai. I give spare keys to everyone as gifts, but she sees his eyes and immediately knows that this question is rhetorical. She's put in so much effort trying to make him realize his specialness to her that she would honestly have to lie down if he still didn't realize that by now. It just didn't occur to her that he'd be this… teasing about it. She's used to his teasing, but not this kind yet. Jerk.

Face pink and arms crossed, she says, "Nii-san has one too!"

Looking like he's fighting back laughter, he plays with the key before pointing out, "He's your brother—it doesn't count."

Jerk, jerk, jerk— "Then what counts?" she grumps.

Judai pretends he doesn't know the answer. "Me?" She hates that she's an easy victim for him. "Unless you wanna take this back?" He even has the gall to take her spare key and dangle it in front of her with a smirk. A smirk. Jerk.

She's ready to retort something about how she's waited months just to give this key to him, but he just looks so happy that the retort fades off her tongue. She also hates that she softens up immensely at the sight of it because it's been so long since she's seen him look this happy. Slumping her shoulders, she sighs in defeat because even though he can be a jerk and tease her, he's still a jerk that she still loves. All right, he can have his victory this time.

Giving him one last unamused look, she retreats to her bookshelf to find a book to start off her week-long vacation. It's not like summer vacation when she'd get emails from teacher peers asking for help and feedback—it's also not in her belief to assign work over a holiday, so she literally has one whole week to herself. She could probably message Junko and Momoe for a friendly chat later, but for now, it'd be nice to indulge in some reading since school preoccupied her for a while.

As she looks at the book spines, she thinks it's awfully quiet behind her and wonders if the idea of having a spare key is so surprising for him. She didn't know he'd look so happy over a key. If anything, she thought Judai wouldn't like the idea of a spare key because he seemed rather content being out on the road, just… wandering. It was always something she believed when she noticed his absence during graduation night. As much as she would've liked it for him to stay that day, a part of her knew it wasn't meant for him anymore. He was always there at school, walking around, but more aloof. It just didn't feel like hanging out with people was his thing anymore, but it's understandable, given what he went through. It was certainly a strange experience for her to see him pensive, frowning, sad, and serious all those years ago in their final year together.

She may never know just how truly bad those experiences were, but she does know that it made him really sad. Comparing his present self to the fifteen year old Judai still baffles the life out of her.

But then again… Asuka takes a book and absently looks through it. It was that Judai that I fell in love with.

She didn't fall in love with the Judai who always came late to class, and slept through lectures, and got into trouble a lot, and said a lot of stupid comments, and cracked a lot of lame jokes, and ate like a black hole, and was always loud. She fell in love with the Judai who meddled into her life and brought her brother back to her, and always knew when to encourage someone, and smiled a lot because he values many things, and suffered because he made mistakes, and went fishing whenever something was troubling him, and went out of his way to avoid everyone because he doesn't want to hurt them again, and wandered because he was finally free, and traveled because he wants to help others, and rejected her because he didn't want to hurt her again, and— Just… She fell in love with this Judai.

Swapping her book with another one off the shelf, she thinks he deserves that spare key. She would obviously give a copy to her own brother, and it's always been Fubuki who has privileges like that due to their shared blood.

She always thought it would stay that way, Fubuki being her main pillar for everything. It was always Fubuki who came for her as they grew up together and she loves him for it. While she's never entirely depended on him, Asuka had her moments where she would entrust her whole faith to him because he's her brother.

It's just… She just didn't know that trust would eventually extend to someone else as time passed.

Someone else important to her.

Someone else special.

Asuka does a final swap of her books, flipping through the pages to see if there's any bookmark in it. It doesn't, so it must be a book she didn't get to read yet. Not that she minds, to be honest.

After Judai left her apartment months ago, she thought she should try to combat her loneliness by attempting to step outside more. Sometimes, she stepped out just to take walks, or she'd go window-shopping, or go read at cafes with a warm drink ordered, or even sitting at benches at the park. (She hadn't really visited the lake since it felt odd to be there without seeing Judai fishing.) These experiences were pretty refreshing for her and a great way to spend the rest of her summer. Even though it felt strange to not be reading so much anymore, she thinks this was a positive change in her lifestyle that she can keep on doing for the future. It also helps that Junko and Momoe sometimes text her in the group chat the three of them share. In a way, Judai made her want to improve herself and be more proactive. After all, she wouldn't want to be called a hermit by him again.

Pleased with her book selection, Asuka starts walking back to the couch. Seating herself next to Judai, she quietly opens her book. He looks like he's thinking about something, so she doesn't want to bother him. If something is bothering him, then he knows to tell her. She was informed that this is crucial for relationships.

But before she can safely dive into her book, Judai blurts: "What do you like about me?"

What do I like about… she absently repeats in her head before she finally lets it sink in.

Eyebrows scrunching, she closes her book slowly and looks at him, unable to decipher the meaning behind this question. Maybe she spoke too soon about his thinking?

Why? she wants to ask. Why would you ask this now?

She ends up asking, "What?"

He rephrases himself: "What about me do you like?" Belatedly, she notices that he's stopped playing with the spare key. His hand is in a fist around it.

But the key is not what makes her face burn once she processes his question again. No, really… Why is he asking her? She thought she made herself abundantly obvious during those two weeks with him. Nothing could've made her more obvious. If Yubel knows about it, then she was certain that he would know about it too.

"Is this…" Asuka persists, no matter how embarrassing it makes her feel because this is the first time she has to actually explain why she loves him and it's not easy, "an important question?"

It doesn't help that Judai looks really genuine with the question. "Mhm."

Awkwardly, she looks away for a moment.

She's also wondered why he likes her back, but that was because he already rejected her once. She confessed to him, so she doesn't understand why he'd wonder about it like this when it should be the other way around. Do other couples discuss things like these..? She doesn't see why they have to, because being a couple should already cement that they like each other without a need for words to explain it unless… Unless one of them is feeling doubtful? She thinks she knows Judai well enough by now to know that he wouldn't have asked if he thought he was certain about something. (His self-confidence still needs some work.)

So to make sure that he understands, Asuka tries her best to be honest and clear, speaking from her heart: "You're the weirdest guy I ever met, but I thought you were really interesting. You just really enjoyed dueling and being yourself; it was refreshing watching you. You didn't really care about what other people thought of you. Even though you seemed to lack some confidence in yourself sometimes, you still believed in others. You try very hard for people and you always try to see the good in them. When you're dueling, you never hold back. Even when it seemed like the end was coming, you found the strength to continue."

She really, really believes so. She's always believed in him. He always gave it his all for everything, even when it was only for fun. Even though he went through so much, he still wants to be happy and move on. He's made mistakes, but that just proves he's normal like everyone else. He's trying his best. She doesn't mind his flaws, because she started to love him when he still had these flaws. To her, this is why he's so special.

Continuing, she says, "It inspires me to try harder. You're always unpredictable, but you always come through." You made me believe that there are some really good people out there. Heartfelt, she recalls the way he told her this months ago when she thought she was boring, and she decides to say it back to him this time because it's true, "I like that you're just you."

She stops herself, feeling embarrassed for saying so much. This should be enough to reassure him about her feelings, right? She's not sure if she can handle more of this, honestly. Dueling may be her first love and she may be a Duel Monsters teacher, but she doubts she can rant on about dueling like what she just did with him. Falling in love really did a number on her.

Her embarrassment must be contagious for Judai because he looks awkward like her. "You say it like I'm a hero."

You made me believe that heroes do exist, she thinks. "You are."

"Even though I don't really act like one?"

Yeah, his self-confidence needs work. Asuka rolls her eyes, feeling like she's doing the heavy carrying this time, despite the onslaught of embarrassment today. "Heroes are capable of being normal."

Supreme-king-slash-reincarnation-and-whatever-else-he-used-to-be or not, he is still Judai. Who said heroes had to act heroic in order to be a hero? You don't see Edo wearing capes or shouting dramatic cheesy lines at villains on top of buildings whenever he talks about heroes. You don't need any of that in order to be a hero. She may not be interested in heroes like he is, but she personally thinks that a hero is someone who cares enough to help. It fits Judai perfectly because he's such a busybody. He may have changed in many aspects, but this is one trait of his that will probably never change.

It's simple to her: he likes heroes, so he became one. A busybody hero, but still a hero. And honestly, she wouldn't want that to change at all. He wouldn't be Judai if he wasn't this.

"So I'm normal?" Judai asks in this silence of theirs.

She looks at him, scrutinizing. You were always normal. You always have. Yes. Yes yes yes— "Yes," she firmly replies, hoping that it cements into his head.

For a reason that she doesn't know, he curls his fists tightly. Knowing that the spare key is within those fists, Asuka does not stop him, brow furrowing. Obviously, her words have stirred something in him. She tries to not do anything because she doesn't want him to feel babied, nor does she want to accidentally add onto his troubles if he's having any. His eyes look hardened and thoughtful, and some of the emotions behind his eyes makes her brim with hope that her words offered some value for him to hold onto.

After all, he's a pillar to her. He's always been there, saving her when she never realizes it, so she wants to help him too. Let me be your pillar.

Standing up from the couch, she decides to give him some peace and quiet in order to organize his thoughts alone. With Yubel around him, Asuka's certain that they would help keep him in-check if she's not there. Maybe whatever he's thinking about could only be resolved if he discusses it with Yubel or something. Even if they are a couple now, she understands that Yubel is still important to him and she has no intention of ruining that.

Decidedly walking off to go make sure his room here is clean of dust before she goes to read in her room, she becomes startled once she feels her hand get snatched abruptly. He tugs her down and she lands on him, embarrassedly on his lap. Stupefied, she worriedly gives him a glance, fearing that something is wrong because scary things tend to happen to him when things go wrong and she's literally had enough of him suffering. "Are you o—"

He hugs her.

He hugs her tightly, burying his face into her shoulder. The action makes her go quiet, blinking down at him with concern. She wants to directly ask if something's wrong, but he tends to not say anything if something is wrong. She doesn't want to start some endless cycle of interrogation, so Asuka simply lets him hug her and she helps by stroking his hair.

It's not often she'd see Judai's calmer side like this—it reminds her that there is more to him than what meets the eye. She wonders if he ever shows this side to anyone else, like Johan. It's like when she broke down crying in front of him months ago after their conversation, Judai being the very first and only person to see her sobbing so much. He never commented on her crying that day, so she thinks she can show her support right now by not saying anything.

Amidst this peace, Asuka continues to gently stroke his hair. It was comforting to her when he let her hug him during her crying fit, so she hopes this is comforting for him in return.

Judai finally says something, but it sounds really muffled because his face is still pressed into her sweater-clad shoulder. She pauses stroking his hair, blinking.

Piqued, she asks, "What did you say?"

He angles his head until his mouth is no longer muffled by her sweater. "I said I'm home," he repeats, voice thick.

Even though he isn't looking at her face right now, she smiles warmly. She smiles so widely that it hurts a bit, but that's okay because he is home. She can't help but smile every time he says it now because this is solid proof that he is truly moving on, and she couldn't be more proud. "Welcome home," she sighs, tender.

Back to stroking his hair, she uses her other hand to open up her book to read. No doubt that this is bad reading posture for her, but she really likes this feeling in her chest right now and it's nice to sit together in the quietness like this. In this silence, she thinks he was being silly by asking her all those questions. Silly, of course she likes a lot of his traits. Silly, of course he's normal. Silly, of course he's a hero.

Silly, but she loves him.

Silly, she thinks as she gives him another glance, but at least you're home now.

.

.

fin

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.

notes: and there we go, with the conclusion of the judai companion piece for this story! like with the original one from asuka's pov, this story is probably really cringey or ooc to some people, but i hope there are others who have enjoyed the journey once more through judai's eyes.

i hope the cameos of manjoume and johan were done with semi-justice, and i especially hope the same for yubel. trying to keep true to canon is quite tough and there's no doubt i probably have failed some people concerning this (pfft, judai and romance?), but i hope it was at least decent to stomach through if you've managed to read the whole story. some of manjoume and johan's dialogue in this story was quoted off a few episodes from the anime as a sort of homage, and i tried to tailor them into the story to fit the post-canon aspect of it. as for the epilogue being from asuka's pov… i'm just a fair person who tries to deliver an even amount of both judai and asuka pov content, that's all lol

if you are here because you read the original version from asuka's pov, then i hope this was a good reread bonus experience for you. i wanted judai's version to be fleshed out as much as possible because i personally believe that you get the most out of a story if you know both sides clearly. [judai voice] this story is my child, so don't mock it or you'll make the fish sad!

anyway, thank you if you've left me reviews, favs, follows—and thank you for being a silent reader as well! thank you for reading! ヾ(＾∇＾)