1995
Travis looked at his brother's face, noticing the concentration there. At five, Billy was trying to write his name. His hair was tousled and messy. His blue eyes were reflecting in the light. Travis still liked that his brother looked a lot like him. Some thought they were twins at a quick glance, especially if they were sitting down. Travis's height always gave it away.
"Time for supper, loves," his mother said, setting plates down on the table. Travis shut his science book with a bang and hurried to his chair. He'd been twelve for three months, and he was ravenous more than usual. His father said that was the telltale sign of a growing boy.
Billy put his pencil down carefully and followed Travis. They were sitting across from each other with each parent at either head of the table. His father hadn't come home yet, and Travis could tell his mother was annoyed.
"Thank you, Momma," Billy said politely. Travis felt his brother was being a bit of a suck up being all cute like that. It made Travis feel bad for forgetting to say it more regularly.
"Yea, thanks Mum," Travis said, shooting his brother a look.
"You're welcome, boys," she said, sounding tired. She was picking at her food. Travis tensed, wondering if his mother was going to have another "episode." She had them periodically, and sometimes she didn't get out of bed for a week. She had been doing well for the last while, though, which made Travis worry that their lucky streak was going to end. He didn't understand depression, but he knew that's what his mother struggled with. His Aunt Julia did too. He tried not to worry that he was going to get depressed.
The phone rang, and his mother sighed heavily as she got up to answer it. Travis wondered if it was going to be his father calling to say he was working late again. He seemed to work late a lot these days.
"What?" his mother said, her voice sharp but with an edge of panic. Travis lowered his fork, listening. Billy continued to shovel his food into his mouth with no issues, not paying attention at all.
"Oh my God. Okay, I'll be right there." She hung up the phone and put a hand over her mouth, her face scrunching up in that way that said she was about to cry.
"What's wrong, Mum?" Travis asked.
"It...it's your aunt," she answered.
"Jules?"
"Yes."
His father walked through the door then, and he stopped in his tracks upon seeing her crying.
"I'm sorry I'm late," he said, his voice sounding unsure if that was the reason she was upset.
"It's Jules," she told him, and he tensed.
"Again?"
"Yes."
His father swore lightly under his breath as he set down his tool box and hung up his keys. He hurried to go change, and Travis suddenly didn't feel hungry anymore. His aunt Julia being sick happened often. He didn't understand it.
"I don't need you to come with me," his mother said when his father reappeared.
"But..."
"I'll be fine. Please stay with the boys," she said. His father didn't argue. Travis noticed his mother didn't move to hug or kiss him goodbye like usual. Then she was gone, and Travis felt a knot start to form in his stomach. He felt like this time, something bad was going to happen.
...
A few days later, Jules came home to stay with them. Travis had been delighted. He loved having his aunt around. He noticed right away that she was tired and cranky, and her left wrist was wrapped. The first night she'd been there, Travis hid and listened to the two sisters talking.
"You can't keep scaring me like this," his mother was saying.
"Grace, it's fine."
"It's not fine! You went deep this time..."
"Not deep enough," Jules muttered.
"Don't say shit like that," his mother chastised. "I hate that I can't help you feel better."
"Don't be a hypocrite. You're the same! You reach that dark place just like I do."
"I don't want to die, though," his mother argued. "There's a difference."
"Can we stop talking about this? I'm done talking about this," Jules said. Travis heard his mother sigh, but she stopped talking about it. He crept back to his room when they started talking about their "wretched" periods. That stuff grossed him out, but it also made him feel grateful not to be a woman. He crawled under his bed and wondered what his mother had meant when she said his aunt had gone deeper this time. He pictured her wrapped wrist. Had she cut herself again? He recalled her wrists having marks on them, but she usually wore long sleeve shirts to hide it. He couldn't understand why she'd hurt herself.
He didn't think he ever wanted to know.
...
After a week since Jules had come to stay with them, she was playing video games with Travis in the basement. She was laughing and nudging him as he tried to beat her in the game they were playing, which was Duck Hunt. Travis aimed the plastic orange gun at the TV screen, trying to get a bead on the duck that was flying around erratically. Jules was controlling it with the controller and giggling hard.
"Ha!" Travis exclaimed as he shot the duck.
"Wow, you have a very good aim, my man," Jules commented, giving him a high five. "You gonna be a hunter one day?"
"Maybe," Travis answered.
"So long as you don't hunt people," Jules warned.
"I wouldn't."
"Good. It's not worth losing your soul over," she said. Her wrist was no longer wrapped, and Travis looked at the scab there. It made him feel uncomfortable. She didn't talk about it, and he didn't ask.
"How long are you staying with us?" he asked.
"As long as it takes."
"What do you mean?"
"Let's just say that I don't want to be alone right now, okay, bud?"
"Okay."
"My turn! My turn!" Billy called, coming down the stairs at a full run. He almost slipped on the last step but caught himself. He reached for the plastic gun, and Travis handed it over. Billy then proceeded to shoot the ducks with just as good of accuracy as Travis. It made Travis feel proud that he'd been able to teach Billy how to do it so well.
"You are the toughest five year old I've ever met," Jules said when he was finished. She pulled him onto her lap, making him giggle and shriek when she started to tickle him. Travis leaped in to help, and all three of them were on the floor wrestling and laughing and play-fighting.
"Okay, truce!" she called. "I give in!"
Travis looked at her laughing face and wished she could always be this happy. He curled into her as she wrapped an arm around him, and she pulled Billy in for a hug too.
"My boys," she said. "You guys mean so much to me, I hope you know that."
"We love you too," Billy said.
"What is going on down here?" their mother asked from the stairs, looking down at them with a raised brow.
"Well, the Tickle Monster made an appearance," Jules replied. "We had to take care of it."
Travis grinned at his mother, who smiled back.
"Okay, well you monster killers better come up for supper before it goes cold," she said. Billy was on his feet and racing up the stairs at this. Travis was behind him. Their father was cutting up Billy's meat for him when they got to the table. Travis liked being able to cut his own meat. He noticed his mother would watch him carefully as he worked the knife. He hoped she didn't think he was going to cut himself with it. He didn't like getting cuts on his body; he'd never do it to himself.
"Smells good, Nate," Jules said, patting his shoulder as she passed. He flinched slightly, which Travis noticed. He frowned. Had his aunt hurt him?
"Thanks," he said back, passing her a plate. Travis watched as his mother joined them, how she looked at Jules. He couldn't read her expression. Then she met his eyes and smiled, and Travis felt the weirdness in the air lift. She said grace and they began to eat. Travis looked around at his family and hoped that things would never change.
A Month Later
Travis was eavesdropping again. He knew it was wrong, but how else was he supposed to find out about what was going on in his house? His father kept working late, which made his aunt and his mother have conversations about an affair. Travis wasn't sure what it meant, but he didn't like the sound of it.
"Just kick him out," Jules said now. Travis clenched his stomach. He didn't want his father to leave. How could they suggest such a thing?
"I don't have proof," his mother answered.
"What more proof do you need? These aren't yours, are they?"
Travis couldn't see what his aunt was referring to, but it was something that made his mother inhale sharply and then start to cry. He inched down the stairs a bit further, trying to see. His aunt was hugging his mother tightly and rubbing her back gently. She caught sight of Travis on the stairs, and he froze. She gave him a stern look but didn't call him out. He turned and crept back to his room. He felt grateful that she hadn't ratted him out.
When his mother came to say goodnight, he noticed her eyes were red and puffy. It worried him a lot.
"Are you okay?" he asked her.
"I'm fine, elephant," she answered. "Don't worry about me. Get some sleep."
"Is Dad home yet?" He knew he shouldn't have asked, but it just slipped out. He felt like if his father was home, things would be okay. His being at work was causing the problem. His mother stiffened and cleared her throat.
"No," she answered. "I'll tell him you said goodnight."
"Thanks."
She kissed the top of his head before ruffling his hair fondly. Then she slipped out of his bedroom and went to Billy's room. Travis stared into the darkness, wondering what was going to happen to his family.
Days Later
He was coming home from school with Billy and thinking about what a relief it was to have Charlie transferred out of his school when he stopped at the end of their driveway. Their father was standing in the lawn, and their mother was chucking his things at him from the front door.
"Grace, come on," their father was trying.
"Bastard!" she shrieked, throwing a suitcase at his head. He ducked. He caught sight of the boys then.
"Grace, the kids," he said. Their mother saw them finally, and her face was bright red. She'd also been crying.
"Hi, boys," she said, putting on a false, cheery voice. "Come on inside. I'll make you a snack."
"What's going on?" Travis asked. Billy squeezed his hand hard, unable to speak.
"Your father is going on a trip for a while," their mother answered. Travis was pretty sure it was a trip their father was going on against his will, but he didn't dare vocalize that. They walked past him as he bent to pick up his things and put them in the suitcase. Their mother rested her hand on the back of each of their heads as they went past her inside.
"It's not true, Grace," their father was saying now. "I didn't do anything."
"Oh? And these just came out of a donkey's ass?" their mother demanded, and Travis watched her slingshot a pair of red, lacy underpants towards their father on the lawn, who stared at them with a dejected look on his face.
"Grace..." he started after a moment.
"I don't want to hear it. Get bonkered by someone else who gives a shit," their mother ordered, slamming the door with such force that a picture fell off the wall. Travis didn't move. He didn't know what to do. Billy didn't either. Their mother stood there shaking until she pressed her hands into her face and started to cry.
"Hey, boys," Jules said, rushing towards them after seeing them. "Look, you're gonna hang out with Grandma and Grandpa for a bit."
"I want to stay with Mum," Travis insisted.
"She just needs a little breathing space," Julia said calmly. "It's only for a day or two. Please?" Travis looked at her face, and seeing her in charge and calm was new. Normally it was her falling apart on the floor, which was where his mother had sank to on her knees by this point.
"Okay," he said, nodding. Julia led him and Billy out to her car and drove away. Their father was already gone. Travis wondered if he was ever going to see him again. He just hoped his mother was all right, that this wouldn't send her so far over the edge that she'd never come back. He couldn't bear the idea of losing her.
"Are we gonna be okay?" Billy asked him, his voice small. Travis looked at his little brother and knew how afraid he was.
"Yea, Billy," he answered, hoping he wasn't lying. "We're gonna be okay. I'll always take care of you and keep you safe."
"Promise?"
"I promise."