Blaine sits on the couch with the TV on, but he's not really watching it. His eyes are half shut, and his brain feels foggy, like he's on the edges of sleep yet can't actually fall asleep. He's been like that for the past hour and a half, and he's not sure when he'll stop. The pain in his body is pretty severe today, especially his legs and shoulders. His laptop is lying right beside him because when he got up, he had every intention of writing on the couch. His fingers aren't in any shape to do that, though, so for now, writing is off the table.
He can hear Kurt back in his office, singing softly to show tunes and drawing. He has the day off of rehearsal while they look for a new director for the show he's staring in. Will got fired.
Finally, Blaine thinks. He should never have had the job in the first place. All the cast will be better for it.
He thinks about asking Kurt to come out and chat with him, give him something to take his mind off of what is going on with his body, but he feels guilty about it. His husband so rarely gets time off. Why should he have to spend his time coddling Blaine when he's got hobbies of his own he wants to do? Besides, he already knows Kurt has cleared his whole afternoon to hang out with him. The second he rolled over in bed this morning and groaned, Kurt has been making plans to get him into bed with a heating pad, some hot tea, and the latest book-to-movie adaptation to just snuggle to. When he mentioned this morning that he wanted to do some drawing, Blaine couldn't say, "No." He didn't want to. Kurt deserves to have time to himself, just like everyone else. So, Blaine discards that idea. He can survive on his own until lunch.
Instead, his thoughts turned to why in the world he is suffering a flare in the first place. It isn't raining. There are no clouds to be had in the sky. He really hasn't been under too much stress lately. At least, he doesn't feel like he has. He has a book contract and a due date sneaking up on him quickly, but he's still got months before anything is due. So, why in the world is he flaring?
That is one of the biggest things he hates about his body: the unpredictability. At 27, he should be able to get up every day and do whatever he feels like doing. But he doesn't have that luxury because he is Blaine Anderson-Hummel, and Fate just doesn't play by his rules. It gives him what it wants, and what it wants to give him is a broken body that develops a new symptom every time he turns around, has random days of full-on pain, and doesn't give a crap about his plans. If he could change one thing, it wouldn't be to not be in pain all the time. No. While that would be nice, if he has to live with that part, he just wants to know what to expect each morning when he rolls out of bed. The not knowing and the fear of what could be are almost worse than the pain sometimes.
Before Blaine can get too lost in that mess of thoughts, his phone lets off a soft ting to let him know that he had a new message. Reaching for his phone, he hits the button, grimacing at the pain it causes just to do that little thing. He smiles, however, when he sees who the message is from: Ellina. The two of them have remained good friends, growing even closer and bonding over more and more life experiences as they've navigated their way through online friendship. A year prior, they started a writing group together, quickly adding another girl, Tinka, to the mix. At first, Blaine was skeptical that this new person would be good for their friendship, his old insecurities about not being good enough to have more than one friend, not loveable enough to be part of a group had risen to the surface again. But he was willing to give her a chance. Ellina said she was nice and would get along well with them. Blaine quickly discovered that his worries were completely unfounded. She fit in perfectly, laughing along with them, writing wonderful stories, and chatting about things that they all enjoyed. He loved Tinka, and the three of them made a good group, one he'd come to depend on to help him get through his day.
Ellina: Good morning! Hope you both have a fabulous day! What are you up to today, Tink? B, how are you?
Laboriously, Blaine begins to type out his message. It will be a lot easier to get through this if I can get my laptop out, he tells himself. Still, he tries to reply on his phone anyway, hoping to buy himself some time to get everything open and set up.
Tink: Good morning! It's a beautiful day! I can't wait to work on my new story. What about you, El?
Finally, Blaine's done typing and hits send.
Blaine: Good morning, girls. Flare day.
Immediately, three dots appear beside both of the girls' profile pictures, indicating they're replying to him. A moment later, a picture pops up on the screen from Tink. It's a bear, squeezing a bunny tightly against its chest with the words, "Big hugs!" written above in pink balloon print.
Tink: Hope you feel better soon! I'm sorry today's not a good day.
Ellina: Boo for flare days, B! Make sure you take it easy today, okay? Rest and don't stress yourself out. What are you gonna try to do today?
It takes Blaine a minute to type out a longer message, but the girls are patient, waiting.
Blaine: Well, I wanted to write today. I have this new story idea, and I was gonna try to do some plotting. But my fingers aren't working so well right now. So, I might not get to. I'm watching...something...on TV right now.
Ellina: You should stay on the couch and rest. Can you use that voice to text app?
Tink: Agreed. Can you get Kurt to bring you some water? You need to stay hydrated today. But definitely rest. That will be good for you.
There are a few moments of silence while Blaine considers if he should call Kurt out of his office to get him water. He can still hear the show tunes playlist coming from the office, and a pang of guilt glides through his body again. He can't ask for that. If he gets thirsty, he'll get up and make his way into the kitchen. Kurt needs this morning to reset himself and have a good time.
Just as he's about to type something out about that and ask about Tink's new story, he sees three dots come up beside her picture. So, he waits, eager to see what she has to say. This is his favorite part of his days when Kurt's not home. Tink and Ellina talk to him off and on throughout the day, updating one another on their writing and asking about how their day is going. They're particularly sensitive to him on his bad days, and he's so, so thankful for them. Just thinking about it is making him tear up a little.
Tink: If the two of you aren't busy, do you want to jump on a Zoom call for a little while? I have a few questions to ask before I jump into planning out this story, and I wanted to get your opinions. It might be too much to message.
Blaine: Love to.
Ellina: Sure! Give me five minutes to throw on a hoodie and grab more coffee.
Tink: Yay! I can't wait! I'll send you a link.
Blaine takes this opportunity to get up and limp back to the bathroom. After he's done there, he makes his way to the kitchen and gets himself some water. He knows he'll be a few minutes later than the girls, but that's okay. They'll be proud of him for having water and being on the couch. Though they probably won't like it too much if they know I got up and got it for myself.
It's a slow process getting back to the couch and opening the laptop. His feet ache like they've been stamped on by horses a few too many times, and his joints feel like they have been packed up tightly with packing peanuts and are in need of a good oiling to get everything running smoothly. When he finally reaches the couch, he sits down heavily, reaching down to put the footrest up. Then, he reaches for his laptop, his arm throbbing with the way his muscles are being pulled. His wrist screams at him as he uses it to lift the lid and slowly type in his password.
Thankfully, his computer is quick, and with just a few clicks, he's got the internet open to the online chat site he uses to talk to the girls. The link from Tinka is there, so he clicks on it, watching as Zoom magically opens on its own, connecting him to two of the most important people in his life. He reaches up and pats the top of his head, wondering if the waves and curls he calls his hair look like bedhead. I should have checked while I was in the bathroom. Dang it. He's being connected to the video chat now, though, so it's too late. It would take him another five minutes to get to the bathroom and back.
And just like that, the screen is full of two smiling faces, and it takes only a moment for him to click to unmute himself and turn on the camera. "Mornin', girls," he says slowly, giving them as much of a smile as he can get past the pain.
Both of them smile back at him, a hint of pity in their eyes. He knows they try not to show it; he's told them how it bothers him, but he knows that, to a certain degree, they can't help it. They worry. It's in their nature, and he worries about them, too. He just hopes they know how much of a bright spot they are for him. Words don't seem enough to tell them most of the time, but he doesn't know any other way to express his gratitude, especially not today.
"Good morning, B," the girls sing-song.
"I'm so glad you could join us," Tink says. "I have so many things I want to talk to you two about."
"Go for it," Ellina tells her, "We're all ears."
Blaine mumbles out an "Mhm" in response.
So, talk Tink does. That's one of Blaine's favorite things about her, how she can get so lost in a story that she feels like she's living there, watching each and every thing she has yet to type flash before her like a movie. He loves how everything she writes has a message of healing and love in it, and she's genuinely excited to get to know each of her characters and the way they think. He hasn't felt that inspired in a long time, and a tiny part of him hopes he'll find that spark as he starts his new project. A bigger part of him, though, is just delighted for her. He loves that feeling when it finds him from time to time, and he just wants to keep her excited so she'll write the story. It's one he wants to read, certainly, and he wants her to feel empowered to put the words down on paper.
Tinka isn't lying. She has several questions for them, and they do take quite a while to discuss each possibility, settling on answers for her that she's happy with and he and Ellina are excited for. He actually finds himself genuinely smiling and laughing as they chat, something he didn't think was possible when he crawled out of bed that morning.
After that, it's Ellina's turn to talk. She's got a writing project, too—several of them, actually—and she's excited to share about all of them. So, they spend the next hour discussing what she's writing, tales of dragons and warriors and love. Her expression as she discusses how much she loves to sit down without a plan, letting the words flow from her fingertips freely is full of joy and delight. Blaine's over the moon for her as he watches her light up, sees that smile on her face that he loves to see as she talks about where her characters are off to next and the next bit of trouble she imagines they'll find themselves in.
Time flies for Blaine rather than crawling by like it does when he's alone during a flare. He's not even conscious of how long they've been talking, and though he's still in pain and foggy-headed as ever, he's not focused on it. As long as he doesn't move, he can put it out of his head for several minutes at a time, hanging on each and every word that the girls say.
Finally, Ellina asks, "So, what about you, B? Wanna tell us about the story you were planning to outline?"
Blaine nods. "Um, sure..." he says softly, hoping he can get the words out past the haze he feels like he's peering through. "It might take me a little while to get through this. I-I can't think right now. Not very well, at least."
"Take your time," Tinka reassures him. "We're here to listen."
Swallowing, Blaine starts, "I want to write about some of the things I deal with on days like fla—days like today. So, um, I'm imagining that there's this, uh... Uh..." He pauses, his brain slogging through the muck to find the word he's looking for. "Um, they're like Zeus in Gree—Goddesses! God! Goddesses. She's a goddess. Anyway, I want there to be this goddess that is removed from the world council by her peers because she 'can't do her job.'" He stiffly makes air quotes to show this isn't correct. "Really, she's just tired and in pain a lot, but everyone around her sees her as being lazy. So..." He takes a deep breath as his mind begins to drift into blankness again, struggling to get something back in focus. "So, um, she-she goes into, uh... What's the word for when, um, for when someone doesn't work anymore? It's, uh..."
"Unemployment?" Tink asks.
"No..."
"Retirement?" is Ellina's suggestion.
"That's it. She goes into retirement and tries to find friends, but she doesn't really find any. So, she decides to take an ancient rite to put herself to sleep for years. Probably millions. And, uh, later—lots later—she's awakened by a mortal because..."
He talks for quite a while actually, tripping over his words here and there and being unable to recall others. As he talks, He finds that he is growing more and more excited; it's just hard to push that emotion through the pain, but he thinks the girls know him well enough by now to catch on. The girls are patient, though, helping him out, watching him with kind expressions on their faces and offering words of encouragement whenever he pauses. When he finally reaches the end of his plot, he sighs, glancing down at his keyboard so he doesn't have to see their faces when he says, "Sorry that took so long. I can't think right at all today."
"Hey..." Tink's tone is serious enough that Blaine looks up sharply, his neck protesting the quick move, taking in the compassion on her face. "You're allowed to have bad days, Blaine. That doesn't mean we stop loving you just because you can't think."
"Yeah," Ellina chimes in. "You're doing the best you can, and I don't know how you manage the things you do sometimes. I am constantly amazed by you, B. You have nothing to be sorry about."
Blaine doesn't know what to say. He hears this, of course, from Kurt nearly every day and especially on his bad days, and he sees it in messages from the girls when he tells them that he's struggling. There's something different, though, about hearing it with compassion and feeling behind it, being able to hear that they mean their words that hits him differently, and he feels his eyes begin to well up with tears. "You're right," he says quietly, hoping he's still loud enough they can hear him. "You're right. I just want to have that kind of energy that you two have for your stories. I don't know if I'll be able to write at all, and-"
"You have your voice to text app," Ellina reminds him for the second time that day. "You can use that. And even if you don't get to write today, B, that's okay. You're allowed to take a day off."
"I have deadlines..." he begins.
"Yes. You do. But you have to take care of you, too," Tinka reminds him. "You can't do your best work if you're in too much pain. So, do what you can, but don't push yourself past the point where you're hurting yourself. That won't help you hit your deadline. It will just make tomorrow worse."
There are full tears running down Blaine's cheeks as he looks at their faces. He can tell that they mean it, and he wants to say something, but he's afraid that if he opens his mouth, all that will come out is a sob.
"We love you," the girls tell him at almost the same moment.
"And we want you to have as many good days as you can," Ellina reminds him.
"Yeah. So, you have to take care of yourself. Promise us, Blaine," Tink says. "Promise us that you're not going to push too hard."
Blaine nods, reaching up to gingerly swipe at the tears with the back of his hand. "Yeah. I promise."
"Good," the girls say, smiling.
"Thank you," Tink tells him. "We really do care so much about you, B, and if I was there, I would give you a huge hug and take care of you all day. I want you to feel better."
"I do, too," Ellina chimes in. "So, relax. Read something if you can't write. You'll have tomorrow to work on it. I'm gonna send you all the love and strength that I can." She smiles sweetly at him.
Still sniffling a little, Blaine nods again. "I will. Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you two." He lets out a little watery laugh. "You girls are my sunshine... You make every day better and brighter."
They all beam at each other, and the conversation turns to their someday plans to meet and hang out, spend an entire week in a hotel room together, writing, giggling, and having a good time. Eventually, they decide they have to go, and the call is disconnected nearly three and a half hours after it began.
Blaine sighs happily, setting his laptop aside and pressing play on the TV show he had paused earlier. He has no idea what is going on, but it doesn't matter. He leans back, relaxing into the cushions and letting his mind wander, replaying the events of the phone call, smiling like a goof as he remembers some of their antics.
He hopes the girls know that he wasn't lying about what he said. They really are his sunshine, the bright spots of his day that make him feel like getting up in the morning and continuing his hobbies, continuing to work, combined with Kurt and his love, of course. He has no idea what he'd do without the three of them, and he hopes he never has to find out. It would be a bleak future, certainly, and he never wants that to happen. Eventually, he relaxes enough to fall asleep.
He's awakened an hour later by a gentle touch to his shoulder. He blearily blinks open his eyes, making out Kurt's smiling face next to him.
"Hey," Kurt says gently. "Sorry to wake you up. I was just about to make lunch, though, and wondered if you were ready to eat."
"Hi," Blaine says, giving him a soft smile. "Yeah. Some lunch would be good, actually. How did drawing go?"
"Great!" Kurt's face lights up with a grin. "I have three new designs, one of which I'm really excited about. I'm gonna see if I can find some fabric to start on it with at the craft store in the morning."
"Good. I'm glad it went well."
"What did you do today?"
"Um, the girls and I had a Zoom call," he tells Kurt. "Tinka wanted to ask some questions about her story, and El and I ended up talking about our projects, too." He pauses, remembering how much fun he had. "I really love those girls. They're amazing."
"I'm glad you have them," Kurt tells him, leaning over to give him a quick kiss. "They make you feel better. I can tell. You're smiling more than you usually do when you're in pain. It's genuine, too."
"Yeah. They do," Blaine agrees. "And so do you." He pooches out his lips, begging Kurt for another kiss.
His husband obliges, resting one hand gently against his cheek, the other wrapping lightly around the back of his neck. They kiss for a few minutes, lazy and slow with no real need behind it. It's fire just the same, though, sparks as their lips work against each other's.
Finally, Kurt pulls back, placing a quick peck on the tip of Blaine's nose. "How do you feel about grilled chicken sandwiches and fruit salad?"
"Sounds delicious. Thank you, Kurt."
"Of course," the other man says, kissing his cheek before getting up. "I'll be back soon."
"Love you," Blaine calls after him.
"Love you, too," comes the distant response.
Once again, Blaine settles back against the couch cushions. He restarts the show from the last episode he remembers watching, deciding he'll try to write after he eats. Maybe, if he puts the heating pad on his hands, he'll be able to type for a little while. So, he gets it out, settling it onto his lap. As he turns it on, he mumbles to himself, "You know, fuck fibro. I hate what it takes away from me. But it can't take Kurt or my friends. Thank the Fates for them." He smiles, settling in to watch his show. As he does, he sings softly,
"You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray..."