Chapter 22:...Heavens Failure.
I let out a yawn as I awaken, I feel like I slept for a little longer than usual. Not something I enjoy doing, but it is my day off work.
I stretch out my arms until I hear a satisfying pop, I should probably get to making breakfast. I know that Tiamat will probably be hungry.
Although the fact that she can somehow eat more than Saber is frightening, although that's expected of a Goddess.
Still, I don't mind making extra portions, it does give me some feeling of pride whenever someone enjoys my cooking. I don't know if its a personal skill of hers or if its the way she acts but a small part of me feels warm whenever she praises me for doing something.
Like whenever Kiritsugu said I did a good job.
Huh...Haven't really thought about having parents in a while. I also wouldn't have thought about a Draconic Goddess from Mesopotamia being a mother figure in my life.
Maybe I have some weird affinity for attracting Mesopotamian historical figures? Although given that I've only met two and their personalities seem worlds apart I can't really comment to much on that possible line of reasoning.
I should probably get changed.
Huh...My chest feels a little heavier than usual. I wonder what that's about.
Also…
My hand reaches around the back of my head, I frown as I trace my hand through my hair. Which definitely wasn't this long when I went to sleep.
What the heck...is…
What…?
"Tiamat." My voice is flat. I'm masking my turbulent emotions as best I can right now and its really not working. I can feel my eyebrow twitching.
"I thought I said call me mother." She replied back, although she knows what I'm upset about. I can see it in her eyes, that twinkling of amusement.
She's also got a patented Tohsaka smirk on her face.
Or is it technically a Tiamat smirk considering she's older so probably did it first?
Doesn't matter right now, I've got bigger concerns.
"Tiamat. Why am I...female?" I gesture to my body. A little more curvier than usual. With some...extra weight on the front.
"You are?" She tilts her head and replied in an innocent tone as if she hadn't noticed. I know she has and I know she's trying to rile me up. Milking my reaction for all its worth. "I hadn't noticed...Although you do look especially cute today."
I let out a sharp intake of breath "Change me back. Now."
"...Nope." She replies with a sweet smile
"Tia-"
"I believe you owe me for allowing the dog to live." She replies back, a far more amused tone. My face twitches. I knew she was going to demand something in return, but I wasn't actually expecting her to make true on her promise to turn me into a woman!
"You-but-That is-" I sputter for words, this is completely unreasonable!
"Its only for a day." She replies, as if that is in some way going to alleviate any anguish I am feeling in this situation. "Then I'll change you right back."
"You can change me back no-"
"Or I could leave it for the rest of the week." She goes on, now looking at her nails "That could yield more interesting results." she claps her hands "Maybe I could take you out shopping for wedding dre-"
"I could use a command seal you know."
She chuckles at that, sounding very amused at the notion "I'm a Goddess. How high do you think my Magic Resistance and mental strength is?" she asks in a knowing tone.
She's right. Saber was able to resist a command seal for a time and she was human. Tiamat is a divine Spirit, so theres not telling if one command seal would even be enough.
And what command could I even give her? Not to reverse my gender? Wouldn't stop her from doing something similar at a later date.
"Tch." I click my tongue, looking away. I'm going to have to swallow my pride as a man for this "...Just for today?"
"Just for today."
I can't keep my grimace off my face. Its a terrible situation...and I actually don't have much to do today.
Perhaps I can avoid leaving the house altogether!
"Which is why we are going shopping right now."
….
E. Rank. Luck.
"You mortals always are far too concerned abou-" She cuts herself off suddenly, eyes narrowing and a serious expression adorning her face.
I have to blink in surprise at the sudden tonal shift, she's glaring at the window.
"Wha-" She suddenly crosses the distance between myself and her in the blink of an eye. Throwing out a hand and covering both of us in a transparent purple shield.
I don't have enough time to ask her what the problem is before something catches the corner of my eyes, I snap my head in the direction Tiamat was glaring just in time to see a bright comet shoot across towards the apartment next door to us.
I'm glad Tiamat threw up the shield.
Because it obliterates the wall separating my apartment from Kobayashi's, instantly sending debris in all directions.
"Rude chi-" Tiamat scowls, dropping the shield and moves to the new hole in the wall.
I'm faster than her though, barely even caring for my appearance I charge through the gap. Circuits thrumming to life and my sole thought being the danger that my neighbours are in.
The logical part of my mind is telling me that Kobayashi is safe considering she has Tohru and Kanna living with her.
But the idea that they might be in danger is enough for me to act.
I throw myself through the smoke, instantly locking onto the form of a woman wearing...what looks like a loose blue kimono over a school swimsuit. Although the fish like tail she has protruding from underneath it confirms she isn't human.
The Trident she's carrying confirms it as well.
Made from some form of material I can't pronounce, it tells me her name is Elma and was granted to her my her teacher. She's also in a different faction of Dragons to Tohru.
Target set in mind, I instantly throw myself towards the Dragon girl. In all my stupidity.
Kanshou and Bakuya wouldn't do me much good, and although it costs more to Trace. It is perfectly suited to this kind of opponent.
Elma notices me and raises her trident just in time to block a strike from Balmung.
Her eyes widen in surprise and then instantly narrow as they fix themselves on mine, although the fact they occasionally shoot to the sword means she probably realises its nature as a dragon slaying weapon.
"Withdraw human." Elma speaks a rather imperious tone "I have come for Tohru and shall not-"
"There is a hole in my room." Elma's complexion pales rapidly, her eyes shooting over my shoulder and towards Tiamat who has no doubt followed me through the gap. "And your carelessness almost harmed my child." She moves past me as Elma slowly backs away, breathing rapidly.
"Tell me...child." Elma's knees collapse underneath her and she stares up in undisguised terror at the dragon goddess "What possessed you to do this?"
"G-G-G-Gre-Great M-M-M-Mother…" Elma breathes out, shaking like a leaf and a far cry from the rather serious individual she had been a few seconds ag-
"Shirou has boobs!" Tohru's voice cries out…
Oh...right.
I hesitantly turn my gaze over to the ensemble. Elma virtually forgotten as I now mind myself the subject of several incredulous looks.
Kobayashi appears to be glaring at me in jealousy...I have no idea why.
"Onii-chan became Onee-chan…" Kanna whispers out in a shocked awe.
"Tohru…" Kobayashi speaks after a few moments, pushing her glasses up so the reflection hides her eyes. I've seen Tohsaka do that once or twice.
Its never good.
"Give Shirou your maid outfit."
And I'm proven correct once again.
"Alright no." I shut that down instantly, turning to Tiamat "And change me back."
Tiamat turns around and pouts at me "Bu-"
"That was before we had…" I gesture to Elma "Whoever this is break into the apartment." I frown "I will not question someone while self conscious...Please."
Tiamat stares at me for a few moments before she lets out a pitiful whine, then sends Elma a particularly venomous look which causes the dragon girl to let out a pathetic squeak "You've ruined everything." she mutters darkly, waving a hand over in my direction.
The change is rather immediate, my hair recedes and I feel my weight...even itself out.
"Thank you." I give Tiamat a small nod, she's still scowling at Elma, who looks like she'd rather be anywhere but here right now, honestly I don't blame her.
I will blame her for putting Kobayashi and everyone else in the apartment in danger for bulldozing her way through it with all the care of Berserker.
"Oh…" Kanna releases a rather pitiful and disappointed whine.
Please don't do that, I don't want to feel bad.
"Ahem." I cough, turning my attention back to Elma and frowning "Moving on from that, wh-"
"Why were his boobs bigger than mine?" I almost face fault at Kobayashi's quiet lamentation.
"Don't worry, Kobayashi-san!" Tohru grins happily "I like you for your flat boobs as well!"
…
Somehow Kobayashi doesn't look relieved by that statement in the least.
"Can we get back to the important stuff?" I interrupt them, waving Balmung at Elma.
"You are absolutely right." A distinctly male voice replies from right behind me. I feel a hand grasp onto my wrist holding Balmung and pull it back.
I cringe in recognition of the voice. Turning my head to see Fafnir staring at the sword in my hand with no small amount of venom and intrigue. "Perhaps you may start with this."
"Fafnir-san?" Tohru calls out, visibly surprised "What are you doing here?"
"I made it a priority to maintain a closer eye on Emiya following his creation of the conceptual shield spell." He replies back, still staring at the weapon "I suspected he may have had more…" his red eyes turn to me "However, I was not expecting this sword to be here."
"Ah…" Balmung vanishes into motes of blue light. "What sword?"
"…"
"…"
"...Is this what humans call a jest?"
AN: I'm back!
*Slaps hand on Profile* This bad boy can fit so many stories in it.
So yeah, Shirou became a girl for a little bit. Then Elma interrupted that.
But...I'd feel horrible if I left it at that…
So...Here's an Omake!
Omake: On the prowl.
I take a deep breath as I wonder through the streets, I just need to pick up some food supplies and hope no one recognises me.
Thats it.
Last the day, and then Tiamat will change me back.
"Yo."
Oh no.
I turn my head slowly, there, leaning against a wall, is Lancer with a trademark grin on his face. He has an easy going expression, but his eyes are narrowed, scanning me up and down.
I feel distinctly uncomfortable about this.
"H-hey." Damn it! Why did my voice have to crack!
His smirk widens as he kicks off the wall, walking up to me with his hands in his pockets. He looks around the street, then gives me another once over "Pretty late at night to be wandering around by yourself."
"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Lancer." I reply back at him. His brows crease, he tilts his head.
"We met before or something...you look kind of…" he leans in, narrowing his eyes.
Then they widen and he takes a step back, mouth agape.
"...Snrk!" He looks away, not even trying to hide his amusement "Nice going kid!" he laughs "Guess I gotta call you lass now!"
My eye twitches "Funny."
"Seriously though." He gestures to me "What is this?"
"An assault on what little pride I have." I shake my head "Although its only for the day."
"Really?" Lancer hums "Shame...you look pretty good to."
"...Are you seriously-"
"Yep." He unashamedly admits, I can't help the heat rising up my face and my jaw hanging open "What? You ain't a guy right now, are you?" he grins "Besides...everyone loves redheads."
I let out a loud cough "N-no!"
"You sure?" Lancer asks again, then shrugs "Shame. You're actually one of the prettier girls I've seen in the city so far."
"I don't know how to feel about that compliment."
"So...Dragon problem I assume?"
"Yeah…"
"Ha!"
"Thank you for your sympathy."
"You were the one who said it was temporary." He shrugs "No need to complain about it." he sighs "Still...this is a bust...I'll be on my way now."
"Off to find another girl then?"
"Yep!"
Lancer vanishes off down the street, leaving me alone. It was rather unfortunate meeting him, but I suppose it didn't turn out too bad.
Still...My night couldn't be much more awkward than that.
"I must say, you are most exquisite my dear." The white haired man compliments me with a smile, "Makes the journey here completely worth it."
I recognise this guy from somewhere, his rather effeminate face but mischievous smile. I feel I should be more on guard right now.
"Have…" I swallow "Have we met?"
"Hmm…" the man hums "I don't believe so. I, for one, would never forget a woman as radiant as you...may I ask for this flowers name?"
Why am I blushing!?
"Shirou." I reply guardedly, instantly the man's expression freezes. Eyes wide in disbelief. Then he snorts and looks away.
Thats rather an odd reaction.
"Oh my...To think it would turn out like this…" He mutters under his breath, then gives me another once over before his serene smile comes back to his face "Shirou you say? Its a beautiful name."
"Thanks...And you are?"
"Me?" The man blinks, then gives me a wide smile "I'm Merlin!"
Oh…
Oh no…