My Everything
Spring 1988
Two things about his mother were burned into Garcia Flynn's heart and memory quite early on in his childhood...Maria Thompkins was very beautiful yet always so very sad...
While he never doubted the depths of Mama's love for him, still, Garcia was at first puzzled, then eventually a little angry and resentful when he gradually came to accept that despite her ready assurances to the contrary, something within him seemed to be lacking...that no matter how smart and loving and well-behaved a son he was, he would somehow never be enough to banish the unknown shadows that seemed to perpetually linger in his mother's heart. Then came the day 13-year-old Garcia found out exactly what the source of Maria's enduring sadness was. That was the day he accidentally learned about Gabriel–the older brother who died a tragic, senseless death at a very young age many years before he was born.
It had been quite shocking, actually, to come across a large brown envelope stuck in the back of his mother's closet stuffed full of pictures of a small, handsome, dark-haired boy with wide eyes and an endearing grin. Who was this unknown child and why did Mama hide away pictures of him? To this day, Garcia couldn't really remember what he'd been looking for in Mama's room, but he could recall exactly her pained reaction when he impulsively took a couple of the pictures to her and asked his mother about the boy.
She'd been sitting at the kitchen table that afternoon, sipping coffee and making a grocery list when Garcia burst into the kitchen. Maria's ready smile of greeting quickly faded when he slowly placed the pictures on the table and asked hesitantly who the mystery boy was. He frowned uneasily at the way Mama stared at the photos for the longest time without moving before she very gently traced a trembling fingertip over one of the pictures, a solitary tear slipping down her pale cheek. This had been a really bad idea, Garcia realized guiltily, his heart sinking at the thought of causing his beloved mother pain.
Even as he quickly made to take the photos back, intending to return them to the envelope in her room, she held up a shaking hand to stop him and began to speak haltingly in a hoarse voice about her oldest child, Gabriel-the brother he'd never known who died years before at a young age from of all things, a deadly allergic reaction to a bee sting. What struck Garcia most forcefully about their conversation was not that Gabriel's brief existence had been kept a secret from him (which admittedly didn't feel great), but that every word from Mama's mouth was permeated with so much repressed grief from her devastating loss...a sorrow that even nearly twenty years later seemed to him as fresh and overwhelming as the day his brother died.
How could someone feel such heartbreaking misery and continue to live any kind of normal life? Garcia wondered unhappily, silently taking the pictures from his mother and hurriedly putting them back where he'd found them. After Mama graciously accepted his fumbling apology for upsetting her, the two of them never again spoke of Gabriel-although the knowledge of his deceased brother's short existence was never far from Garcia's mind as he grew to adulthood. Though still just an immature boy who'd barely entered puberty, it was at that very moment that Garcia Flynn vowed he would never father a child, never risk the mental and emotional trauma that losing her son had inflicted on his own mother...
"The love of a family is life's greatest blessing..." - Unknown
Summer 2008
NSA operative Garcia Flynn had returned a few months earlier from a lengthy stint in Eastern Europe and was looking forward to starting the next chapter in his life with the respected agency stateside. Recruited right out of college in '97 by the Intelligence Collection Division for his sharp, analytical mind, ethnic background, and superior language skills (among other talents), he'd eagerly embraced (perhaps naively) the chance to serve his country. Due to his consuming devotion to this promising career with the NSA, at the age of 33, Garcia had never been married, though he naturally very much enjoyed the company of beautiful women when his job allowed for such things. And then he met Lorena. Sweet, brilliant, funny, beautiful Lorena...
He was running late for an important meeting with his superior on that fateful morning in June, wholly focused on whatever new (and hopefully, exciting) assignment might be coming his way. Impatiently pushing the button for the elevator, Garcia sighed in relief when it finally arrived with a muffled thud. Barely waiting for the doors to open before starting to rush inside, he inadvertently slammed headlong into the car's lone occupant who was trying to exit the elevator at the same time. His immediate first impression was that of a tall, pleasingly slender woman, maybe around his own age, with soft chestnut curls and wide gray eyes.
Instinctively reaching out to grasp the woman's slim shoulders to keep her from falling, a fervent apology on his lips, to Garcia's surprise, she merely laughed, a warm, melodic sound that immediately made his heart beat faster. "Whoa there, tall, dark and handsome, what's your hurry?" she asked with a twinkle in those stunning gray eyes, thankfully choosing to be amused rather than irritated by his gauche clumsiness. Struck dumb by his unexpectedly strong, rather visceral reaction to the stranger, time seemed to stand still as they wordlessly stared at each other. After what felt like an hour but was likely only a couple seconds at most, Garcia felt his face heat in embarrassment at the woman's pointed glance to where his large hands continued holding on to her.
Even as he instantly jerked his hands away in dismay and began stumbling through the beginnings of a feeble apology, she had turned away with a casual shrug and began moving at a rapid pace along the crowded hallway. Charmed, intrigued, entranced–hell, maybe even spellbound– by the mystery woman, ambitious career NSA operative Garcia Flynn forgot all about his meeting, intent only on learning her name (and hopefully a lot more). With long strides, he unerringly followed her, eventually catching up to the woman just as she exited the main building and began to cross the verdant, spacious courtyard at the center of the NSA complex. To his surprise, she dropped onto a nearby bench beneath a leafy shade tree and turned to offer him a gentle smile. "What took you so long?" she teased, patting the space beside her invitingly...
He never did make it to his superior's office that day, willingly enduring the man's well-deserved wrath the next morning at being stood up. As it turned out, the decade-long career Garcia had so carefully cultivated became secondary once he unexpectedly (miraculously) found something he hadn't even known was missing in his life to that point-the other half of his soul. Lorena. Her name was Lorena, and oddly enough, although their paths had never crossed before today, she was an NSA employee also, working out of the Communication and Public Affairs Office the past five years.
Their ensuing courtship was nearly as brief as it was intense. For the first time in his life, Garcia Flynn ignored the analytical side of his personality and followed his clamoring heart, falling head over heels for this incredible woman literally the first day they met. After sitting on the shady bench for a little while, he and Lorena had eventually walked to a small diner a few blocks away from the NSA for lunch and ended up sitting there all afternoon and into the evening (drinking cup after cup of terrible coffee to appease the increasingly disgruntled waitress). They talked and laughed with an ease the likes of which Garcia had never experienced with another person before.
It might sound crazy, but being with her was like...coming home, he thought whimsically, staring intently across the table at the woman who'd seemed to instantly, effortlessly capture his heart only mere hours after meeting for the first time. From that day on, the rest of the summer flew by as they spent every spare hour outside work together and fell even deeper in love. While Garcia certainly knew he was no bargain–arrogant, stubborn, and prone to occasional brooding-he loved everything about Lorena...not just her physical beauty, but also her intelligence, compassion, and wry sense of humor. Best of all was her ceaseless patience when Garcia fell into one of his ill-tempered sulks.
Yes, he was a damn lucky guy because Lorena was the perfect woman for him. They were married by a local justice of the peace the Friday before Labor Day in a brief ceremony, using the three-day weekend to move into their first home. The early days and weeks of their marriage passed in a kind of blissful haze. Rather surprisingly, Garcia's superior took pity on the contented newlywed and kept him stateside as much as possible.
Because of course no couple is blindly, deliriously happy all the time, it was inevitable some kind of conflict between the two would eventually arise. As it turned out, the first tiny hiccup in Garcia and Lorena's new marriage occurred during their first Christmas together. They woke early on Christmas Eve to find the city blanketed overnight in a clean white snow and decided to bundle up and walk several blocks to their favorite coffee bar. Hand in hand they trudged along, chatting casually about their plans for tomorrow. Standing on a corner waiting for the light to change so they could cross the street, Lorena suddenly noticed a young couple not far behind them pushing a stroller that held a snow-suited child who appeared to be gazing wide-eyed at the falling snow.
"Oh, Garcia, look at the way that little one is watching the snowflakes...how adorable," his wife exclaimed with a wistful smile. "There's something I've always loved about the idea of having a baby–the idea that as they grow, we adults get to see the wonder of the world around us through the brand-new eyes of a child." Garcia stiffened in shock, but before he could respond, the crosswalk signal began flashing a 15-second warning for them to cross the street. Moving forward mechanically, Lorena's mittened hand held firmly in his bare one, it seemed as if he heard her voice from a great distance (and not walking right beside him). Luckily, she didn't seem to notice anything amiss. My God, how did we never talk about this before? he wondered bleakly as they entered the coffee bar.
The superstitious part of his mind trembled at the staggering knowledge that he and his wife were apparently not on the same page about having children at all. After directing her to snag them a small table near the window so they could watch the snow fall while they ate breakfast, he got in the longish line, feeling more uneasy by the minute. Fretting mentally about how he was going to start what was sure to be an awkward, potentially ugly conversation, Garcia's thoughts drifted unwillingly to his late mother's sorrow-and the vow he'd made to himself at the tender age of 13.
Absently placing their order (coffee for him and oddly enough, a hot tea for Lorena), he impulsively added a couple of cranberry muffins to the tray, deciding it might be better to feel her out (so to speak) before making a serious, life-changing pronouncement like, 'By the way, darling, I never–ever-want to have children...hope that doesn't upset you too much..." Garcia grimaced darkly, barely aware of the startled look the cheery cashier gave him as she handed over his change and hesitantly wished him Merry Christmas.
Setting the tray down in the center of the table, he sat down heavily and slowly shrugged off his leather jacket and wool neck scarf. Unable to meet Lorena's keen eyes, he kept his attention on the table, sipping gingerly at his coffee before ruthlessly attacking one of the muffins with a fork. His morose thoughts were interrupted when Lorena abruptly put her hand over his and quipped dryly, "That poor muffin put up quite a valiant fight, but I think it's finally surrendered, Garcia, and safe for you to eat." Guiltily dropping the fork like it was red hot, he sighed unhappily. That was the problem with being married to an intelligent, extremely perceptive woman like Lorena Flynn–he very seldom was able to hide his feelings (good or bad) from her.
Abandoning all pretense of enjoying the casual breakfast, Garcia pushed the decimated muffin aside and clasped his hands together tightly. "I'm sorry, Lorena...I...I..." he started, determined to confess and get the whole miserable business over with, but his wife stopped him in his tracks by placing her smaller hand over his and squeezing gently. He frowned and fell silent, uncertain how to proceed when she looked out the window for a long moment, seemingly engrossed in the snowflakes, before turning to gaze into his eyes and began to speak in a low voice.
"This isn't exactly when or how I planned to tell you, but after noticing your, shall we say, 'less than receptive' reaction to my comment about the baby in the stroller and children in general, it seems like it might be a better idea to maybe just get it over with. Garcia, I took a pregnancy test yesterday, and it was positive," Lorena informed him calmly, ignoring the way his hands visibly flinched under hers. He had no response, just sat there with a sinking heart.
"I had my suspicions about a week ago, and bought a couple tests. I actually planned on sharing the news we're having a baby in around seven months by putting the positive test in a small box and wrapping it in Christmas paper to give you tomorrow morning." His heart ached at his wife's rueful chuckle. "I guess silly stuff like that only happens in movies, huh? Maybe there really isn't a perfect time or way to tell a man who very possibly is opposed to having children that's he going to be a father."
"Lorena, please, if you'd let me explain..." Garcia interrupted brusquely, distressed when a single tear slid down her cheek. "Look, this is my fault. Having or not having a child is something we probably should've discussed long before we got married, but we've been so happy together, right from the day we met, I guess I was a coward, unwilling to risk giving you even the slightest reason not to marry me." When Lorena swiped at her wet cheek but remained silent, those expressive gray eyes watching him closely, he knew she deserved nothing less than the depressing truth about his family history.
Garcia took her back to his childhood and eventually the day twenty years ago he found the pictures of Gabriel, the brother who'd tragically died at a very young age before he was even born...that because of his mother's lingering sorrow, the two of them had never again talked about his sibling...and the vow a 13-year-old Garcia had made to himself to never father a child. Lorena listened carefully to his painfully rambling explanation, her only response the occasional reassuring squeeze of her slim fingers on his.
At last, his hoarse voice trailed away in defeat as Garcia kept his eyes on their clasped hands, certain his new marriage was at the very least in a bad spot–if not over entirely. To his very great surprise (and relief), however, Lorena didn't recoil from him in anger at keeping such a tremendous secret from her, but instead reached across the table to tenderly cup his stubbled cheek. Regarding him solemnly, she said, "I would be willing to bet your mother had no clue about this promise you made to yourself after you found out about your older brother–and in fact, would've been very unhappy that you made the very important decision to never become a parent, based, unfortunately, on only half the information you needed." Half the information? What the hell does that even mean?
When Garcia instinctively opened his mouth to argue, Lorena smiled and shook her head. "Wait, Mr. Stubborn, I'm not done yet. Now, from what you've shared with me over the past few months, it's clear Maria was a kind, patient mother, perhaps a little distant at times, but still, a good parent who loved her son dearly and only wanted the best for him. I cannot begin to imagine the grief and pain she suffered from losing a child, but I believe if you had occasionally talked about Gabriel a little more after that day, your mother would've made sure you understood despite the devastating pain she'd endured from your brother's death, even if she somehow had the ability to go back in time and change anything...she wouldn't have changed having and loving Gabriel despite knowing it might be for only a handful of years. The great love she felt for your brother was surely powerful enough to outweigh her desolation when he died." His throat felt thick with unresolved feelings, but Garcia forced himself to be patient and hear everything his wise Lorena wished to say.
"And if she loved you with the same devotion, then Maria surely would've wanted you to experience the same joy of bringing a new life into the world. You know as well as I there are no guarantees in this life, Garcia, that it's impossible for anyone to avoid pain and sorrow. All we can do is live each day we are given to the fullest and enjoy its blessings...blessings like having a child together because we love each other so very much." Releasing his hands, she took a sip of her now lukewarm tea and waited patiently for him to catch up.
His mind raced as Garcia tried to digest his wife's words. Could she be right? Would Mama have been horrified by his childish vow to never have children? Would she have told him that loving Gabriel was worth every second of the pain that eventually came from losing him? His eyes filled with tears, his conflicted heart lightening with every breath as Garcia came to the logical realization that Lorena was right. At a ridiculously young age, he'd made a life-altering decision based solely on emotions, closing himself off to any kind of further information, especially from his mother. What an idiot he was...but a fortunate idiot all the same for having the brains to marry a woman as incredible as his Lorena...
Taking a deep breath, Garcia raised her small hand to his lips, and placing a sweet kiss in the palm, smiled and gently teased, "I think we better order some more muffins because we're going to have a baby, Mrs. Flynn, and you need to keep up your strength. Merry Christmas, my darling." Beaming at him through sudden tears, his radiant wife had never looked more beautiful to him than that very eventful Christmas Eve...until the following June when she presented him with their tiny, delicate, perfect, even more beautiful daughter, Iris Maria Flynn...
"...and suddenly, you were my everything..." - Unknown
A/N #1: Super quick shout out to the amazing Mary who works so hard several times a year to hold "Lyatt Week" on Twitter for our fandom. Girl, you're a force of nature :)
A/N #2: This spur-of-the-moment story isn't exactly the one I set out to write, but the more I thought about a younger, pre-tragedy Flynn, the more I wanted to explore what effect his brother's death and mother's resulting sadness might've had on him before he fell in love with and married Lorena and their daughter was born. From the tiny bits of the Flynn family we saw onscreen, the couple seemed very much in love with each other and little Iris. Full disclosure: I've never written Flynn's POV before, so please forgive me if anything rings false. I believe Garcia Flynn is a fascinating, tormented character, expertly played by Goran V, and I hope I've done him justice. This story came together pretty quickly, so any mistakes you may find are all mine. As always, thanks to all of you who continue to read Timeless fics. Your favorites, follows and reviews mean so much to me and the other authors who continue to write for the fandom.