Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds

If Only Tears Could Bring You Back

By Lucky_Ladybug

Notes: The characters aren't mine and the story is! This is a follow-up piece for my AU verse as depicted in Play It Again, Old Friend, One More Time. It's an AU where Radley was a fifth Enforcer because of having corresponded with Kalin after a chance meeting as children and later coming out to the Satellite when he was kicked out by his family. I couldn't relax until I got these poor AU counterparts into a good place, and this happened. The title is, of course, the beautiful Pokemon song, which is kind of perfect. I'm also using the prompt #18 - Out of Time from the abandoned 5Ds_100 writing community on Livejournal. Time Thief used Kalin having Yusei's nail in an RP, but the attempt to use it goes much differently here. I wasn't consciously borrowing from that venture, but figured I'd better credit anyway.

Kalin ran down another of the endless, twisting corridors in the dyne mine, his heart thumping in his chest. As he ran, he looked from side to side while searching for the elusive person he had to find. The longer he went without finding the other, the less hopeful it seemed, and yet he couldn't bring himself to give up.

Where are you? Please . . . I need to find you! I left you before. I can't lose you again!

The last several months had been a dark whirlwind of emotions. He had been working for his old friend Radley in Crash Town, dueling every night to get labor for the mines in the hopes of losing so he could be tortured by the opposing gang. It was all he deserved, he was sure.

During that time, Radley had desperately tried to reconnect with his childhood friend and fellow ex-Enforcer, but Kalin had rejected every attempt. Radley didn't deserve to be saddled with such a terrible friend. And Kalin had no intention of sticking around for long. But weeks of winning had turned into months, and he had ended up being there long enough to grow his hair out nearly halfway down his back. His resolve had never wavered in that time, and although he had seen Radley grow more and more hurt and less and less fond of him, it hadn't changed his mind in the least. Someday, Kalin had been sure, Radley would be grateful when he realized what a truly horrible person Kalin was and what Kalin had saved him from by refusing to be receptive to his desperate and sad attempts to reach out.

It had been tempting on so many occasions. Kalin missed all of his once-close friends, Radley included. But he had needed to not be selfish for once, he had told himself, and to just do what was best for them. That meant staying away from everyone who wasn't there and distancing himself as much as possible from the one who was.

Yusei's arrival in town had thrown them both for a loop. He had been appalled and horrified by the duel gang set-up, but more than that, he had been furious that Radley would use Kalin in such a situation. Kalin had heard them arguing that night, when Yusei had followed them to the diner after the nightly duel. Radley had tried to explain of how he was struggling to push back against Malcolm and protect the town, and that Kalin had joined of his own free will.

"And anyway," he had added icily, "it's not like you cared what I was doing before now. All of you just let me go when we got word that Kalin was dead."

"That's not true that we didn't care!" Yusei had exclaimed. "I didn't want you to go. Losing Kalin was bad enough!"

"Then why didn't you call me back?" Radley had softly asked. "Or come with me? Why were all of you so willing to be rid of me?"

Kalin had peeked into the room at that point. He had known that would get Yusei right in the heart, and it had. The look in his deep blue eyes had shattered. "Radley . . ." He had stepped back, shaking his head. "Why do I always hurt my friends?"

"Fight with us, Yusei!" Radley had pleaded. "Maybe with you on our side as well, we can finally overthrow Malcolm for good!"

Yusei had been tempted. But in the end he had chosen not to. He had realized Kalin was actually trying to lose, something Radley had not seen, and Yusei had felt that his mission was more along the lines of saving Kalin rather than the town.

The end result of that had been all three of them being sent to the mines as prisoners of Malcolm's Crew. Radley had been so afraid, and Yusei had refused to stay there. He had broke out with Kalin that night. Although they had looked desperately for Radley, they had not found him. After Lawton had nearly killed them in an explosion, they had crawled back to the mines and tried again to find Radley. They had still failed, and now that Lawton was defeated, Kalin was trying a third time.

Radley had definitely been around and at work; he had found the kids' father Jordan miraculously still alive after his fall and had struggled to wheel him out of the mine in the cart he had fallen into. When they had encountered guards along the way, he had pushed Jordan out ahead of him on the track and had stayed behind to let the guards take him again. Jordan had told that story in horror to Trudge upon being found. Trudge had in turn told Kalin. There had been no trace of Radley since then, and Trudge feared the guards had killed him then and there. Kalin was trying not to think it.

Every now and then he passed Sector Security officers arresting guards and freeing prisoners. He always paused to see who was being rescued, but it was never Radley. His heart twisting in more knots, he kept going.

It made it much worse that he had heard some of the guards laughing about Malcolm's plan to kill Radley, rather than to leave him alive for months to work the mines. Kalin blinked back tears as he kept running. Trudge's fears were all too realistic; Radley might already be dead.

"Radley!" he finally called aloud. It should be safe to speak now, with the town secure. His voice echoed eerily up and down the stone walls. "Radley, if you can hear me, please come out! Yusei and I have been trying so hard to find you! I . . ." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I am so sorry. Please . . . still be alive. . . ."

He had to try several more pathways before his old friend finally appeared, limping out from the shadows. Kalin froze, his breath catching in his throat. "Radley . . . !"

Radley's bright green eyes were dull and dead. From the way he moved, hunched forward and at the point of collapse, Kalin couldn't help worrying and wondering if he had been badly whipped. But an overload of electricity could do it too. The treacherous collar was still around his neck, and as he approached Kalin, it activated. He gasped and sank to his knees, gripping the wall to his side until the electricity switched off again and he fell forward, breathing heavily.

Kalin ran over and dropped to his knees as well. "Oh Radley . . . I'm so very sorry. . . ." He took the nail out of his pocket and fumbled, trying to get it inserted in the collar and wiggled around the way Yusei had done. But no matter how he tried, the nail would not cooperate and deactivate the collar. He finally had to concede defeat. They would have to go back to town and find Yusei.

Radley looked up at Kalin with those dull and dead eyes. "Why . . ." he whispered. "Why do you hate me so much? I wanted my old friend back, but you always treated me like I was less than a germ."

Kalin's heart broke. He reached out and hugged Radley close. "I wanted you to be free of me," he said softly. "I thought I was doing what was best for you. I never stopped to think about how it might be hurting you. I thought you'd be better off without me."

"Why?!" Radley choked out. He had froze in Kalin's embrace, stunned beyond belief that Kalin would actually hug him after so many months of rejection and pain.

Kalin drew a shaking breath. It was time Radley know the full truth. Kalin should have told him long ago. "Because . . . I was a Dark Signer," he rasped. "I let myself be consumed by the darkness when I was so angry and felt so betrayed by Yusei. I tried to destroy the world!"

Radley rocked back, just staring at Kalin in shock.

Kalin closed his eyes and looked away, unable to bear that look. "I know," he said. "I know what I did is unforgivable. I didn't want you to know how far your old buddy had fallen."

"Kalin . . . your pain must be tremendous," Radley whispered. "No wonder you wanted to lose!" He reached up, gently turning Kalin back to face him. "You should have told me."

Kalin opened his eyes again. Now he was the one in shock. "You're not repulsed by me?!"

"Of course not," Radley said. "I'm so sorry, Kalin. You were in so much pain and I didn't see it. . . ." He finally hugged back, pulling Kalin close to him. "I was so blind. Please forgive me. And . . ." He sighed heavily. "I shouldn't have blamed the others thinking they wanted me gone. They probably just thought I wanted to go and they should let me. . . . Maybe they thought I was rejecting them. And I should have tried to contact them. I thought they didn't want me. That's why I didn't."

". . . They probably knew that," Kalin said quietly, although he wasn't sure of that.

Radley sighed. "The truth is, Kalin, I always felt out of place, that I was just a tag-along and only accepted because I was your friend. When everything fell apart, I felt like I was somehow blamed for it in your absence, at least by Jack. The more time that went by, the more distant everyone seemed to get. Of course, they were all just so sad about you, but . . ." Radley shut his eyes tightly. "It hurt so much, losing you and then feeling like I'd lost everyone else on top of that. I don't know how I stuck it out until we were told you were dead. . . . I felt so alone. . . ."

Kalin was sickened. "Radley . . ." Yusei would be devastated to know this.

"You'll tell Yusei, won't you, Kalin? You'll tell him how sorry I am. . . . You don't have to tell him all the rest of what I said. . . ."

"You'll tell him yourself!" Kalin retorted. He started to stand and reached for Radley's sore hands to pull him up too. "I'm getting you out of here!"

Radley gave him a sad smile, but allowed him to help him stumble to his feet. "It's too late for me, Kalin. They've been overloading my collar. I can't last like this."

"The police are here now!" Kalin protested. "They should have shut down the collars!" If only I could have got it off. . . .

A sound near them startled them both to attention. Two remaining guards were standing and sneering just down the tracks, by a very full mining cart. They pushed it forward, aimed right at Kalin. "Take that!" they taunted. "You beat down Lawton, but we'll have the last laugh! You'll still croak in here!"

"No!" Radley grabbed Kalin, using all of his strength to drag him out of the way and to the ground just as the cart rushed part.

Kalin cried out in shock and horror as Radley tackled him. The guards, furious at being thwarted again, glowered at Radley. "You spoiled our fun," one of them snarled. "But we can still do this!" He activated the cruel collar again. Radley let go of Kalin and fell to the floor, writhing in pain. Something inside the inhumane device suddenly cracked and sizzled. The guards had overloaded it so much, it couldn't go on anymore. When it stopped, Radley just lay there, gasping, holding a hand to his heart. It had been one shock too many; he couldn't go on anymore either.

"Radley?!" Kalin choked out. "Why?!" He rose up, staring at his old friend. It was obvious Radley was done for, but neither of them wanted to believe it.

Radley gave him a weak smile. "I never stopped caring about you," he said softly. "Sure, I was mad at you, but that was because I was so hurt . . . and because you're still everything to me. When I went out to find the Bunch . . . I was trying to be you, uniting everybody. Crazy, right?"

Kalin lifted the pained body into his arms. "I am . . . so sorry," he whispered.

"I'm glad we had these months together, even though it hasn't ended the way I hoped." Radley sank harder against Kalin. "I'm . . . I'm sorry too. If I had one wish, I'd wish for . . . another chance. . . ." His eyes went blank and fluttered shut.

Kalin stared at him, not wanting to believe the horrible truth. "Radley?! Radley!" he screamed. "Wake up! I have my mind back; I understand now and I can be with you! Radley, please. . . . Please. . . ."

His voice died on the air. There would be no response from Radley. Not anymore.

Kalin sobbed, cradling the lifeless form to him as he rocked back and forth in devastation and grief. They could have had another chance, if he hadn't squandered it. Now it was too late.

xxxx

Yusei had gone out to the mine as soon as he could. He had wanted to make sure first that the people were alright after Lawton had blown up much of the main street in town. But now, as he finally drew near, his heart leaped into his throat when Kalin limped out of the mine, Radley laying in his arms like a ragdoll. The truth was already obvious, but Kalin's dead eyes told it in no uncertain terms when he drew closer.

"Kalin . . ." Yusei reached out for the still body.

"He's dead, Yusei," Kalin said. "He saved my life and the guards killed him. . . ." He choked. "If we could have only found him when we looked earlier! . . . If I could have only got the collar off of him when I finally did find him . . . ! He might still be alive if I could have. . . ."

Yusei's shoulders slumped. "I should have tried harder to find him sooner! . . ." He took one of Radley's cold hands. "I should have gone with him when he wanted me to after we were told you were dead. . . . Instead I just let him leave. . . ."

"And now he's gone forever." Kalin dropped to his knees, choking on a sob as he clutched the body.

Yusei dropped down too. "Did you try to revive him?" It was a stupid question, but he was grasping at straws.

"I tried so hard," Kalin said.

Yusei bowed his head. "Of course you did." He sighed, heavily. "I failed him right to the end."

"So did I," Kalin said. "All of us did." He shut his eyes tightly. "He felt so forgotten. . . ."

"And yet he was one of us," Yusei said. "He never should have been forgotten."

"Jack and Crow will feel terrible when they're told," Kalin said. "They cared about him too, even though he wasn't sure about Jack's caring." He shut his eyes tightly. "And I don't know how I'm going to tell the Bunch. . . ."

"We'll tell them together," Yusei said. "The Bunch were Radley's friends and your friends, so they're mine, Jack's, and Crow's too."

Kalin managed a smile. "Thanks, Yusei."

xxxx

The scene was still grim shortly thereafter. With Lawton defeated, it didn't take long for Yusei to round up Jack and Crow. The Bunch seemed to be missing in action, most likely grieving somewhere if they'd heard about Radley, and Trudge had sent officers out to find them. There would be a longer, more proper funeral later with them, but right now the Enforcers were gathered for a private memorial. They had lost one of their own and they wanted time alone to say Goodbye.

Kalin had laid Radley in the sparse grass on the mountain. He had loved flowers, especially yellow roses, and Kalin had found some in the wreckage of the flower shop. He had passed three out to the rest of the Enforcers and was holding the rest himself.

Yusei began. "You came in as Kalin's friend, but then you were all of our friend. You and I stayed the longest and I got to know you pretty well. You were always kind and good and you wanted to be there for any of us when we had a problem and needed someone to talk to. I should have left with you when you wanted me to go with you and leave the Satellite. I didn't want to leave my home, or Rally and the others. But you must have felt so alone. I am so sorry." He laid his rose on Radley's chest.

Kalin wasn't about to tell Yusei that Radley had said he would have stayed if anyone had called him back. But the memory of those sad words came back to him now and his heart clenched. Radley had wanted to go, but thinking the others hadn't cared if he left had sealed his decision.

"Hey," Crow spoke up. "You and I had fun swapping recipes and fixing food for everybody. I really loved those times. I never wanted the team to break up. Maybe I should have stayed. Everything just kinda . . . fell apart and it wasn't fun anymore. But . . . maybe if I'd stayed . . . maybe I could have helped turn things around. I know you and Yusei tried so hard. I should have at least looked you up later, when we were free to leave the Satellite, but I was too interested in the Grand Prix. I figured you'd moved on, I guess, and that I shouldn't go bringing up the past again." He added his rose. "I'm so sorry, man."

Jack cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I know we always had our . . . differences. I didn't like the thought of a rich kid joining us. But you were a loyal friend to all of us and I saw how wrong I had been. I should have looked you up too. I wanted to put everything behind me, even my friends, just to get ahead. But then I found how fleeting fame truly is and that I had given everyone up for something that didn't even matter. You tried to keep the memory of the Enforcers alive against all odds. I wish things hadn't turned out this way." He placed his rose with the others.

Kalin drew a shaking breath. He had wanted to go last, to have the final Goodbye, but it was so hard to put everything he was feeling into words.

". . . I was alone and scared and sad and you were my first friend," he said. "We managed to exchange addresses and communicate even with our families objecting, and that was the only bright spot in my life until I met Yusei and the others. It still held deep meaning for me after that.

"You came to me when you were alone and scared and sad and I did the only thing I knew to do: bring you into the team. I know there were some rough spots, but you integrated so well and we all cared about you. You and Yusei were my closest friends, the ones who stayed throughout it all, and even when I stupidly let myself believe Yusei betrayed me, I didn't think you had. Now I know the truth: that I betrayed everyone, including you.

"I came here looking for redemption by punishing myself. I was blind! I should have sought redemption by making amends with you. You were hurting so badly and I kept pushing you away and making it worse. I thought you didn't deserve to have a screw-up like me in your life. You deserved so much better! But even when you finally learned the full truth about the Dark Signers, you still didn't turn against me. You sacrificed yourself to save me! You were always loyal, a true Enforcer to the end. I will never forget you, and I will never stop missing you. I am so very sorry for failing you."

Kalin laid the remaining yellow roses on Radley's chest and then gently brought his hands up to lay on them. He lingered, gripping his friend's hands as he stared into the pale face. Then he broke, sobs wracking his body as he bent over the lifeless form. "I'm sorry . . . I'm so sorry," he choked out over and over.

Yusei's heart shattered further. "Kalin . . ."

"Kalin!" Jack exclaimed. "He's dead! There's nothing more you can do about it!"

"Not everyone moves on as fast as you do, Jack," Crow frowned. "And Kalin knew him longer than any of us."

Jack clenched his fists. "I just hate to see him in such pain."

Radley slowly stirred, his eyes opening. ". . . I do too," he said softly.

Kalin froze. "Radley?!" It couldn't be real. It had to be a dream or a delusion. But . . . Radley was looking up at him, clearly alive. Somehow it was real.

". . . How?!" Yusei gasped.

"I felt all of you guys' love and pain," Radley said. "It helped me find my way back, and gave me the strength to force this beaten-down body to live again." He took the roses in one hand and shakily sat up, reaching to pull Kalin close in a hug. "Thank you."

Kalin choked and clutched him close. "Radley . . . !"

Yusei beamed and joined the hug, his heart overflowing with joy. "I'm so glad you're alright," he whispered. He could feel Radley trembling in their grasp. He was definitely badly hurt, and he would need their help to fully recover, but now they had a chance they had never thought they would.

Crow grinned. "The Enforcers are back together!" He whooped and joined the glomp.

Jack grunted, but gave a gruff, sincere smile. "Welcome back, Radley. We'll never falter in staying in touch with you again." Even he finally joined the hug.

Radley closed his eyes and just smiled. He felt so loved.