Big thanks for everyone who reviewed. Here is the next part. Hope you'll enjoy.
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Obi-Wan wandered the meandering paths of the Palace gardens lost in thought, barely noticing the enticing beauty of this remarkable assimilation of human's art and nature, until he came face to face with the one person he wished to face the least in this time of confusion and indecision.
"Obi-Wan?!"
Qui-Gon's voice was deep with surprise, and as Obi-Wan shifted his gaze up he saw the same wonder clearly showing on the bearded face, reflected in the sparkling blue eyes. There was no avoiding the conversation now, the younger man knew immediately, no matter how much he dreaded it.
"Master," Obi-Wan acknowledged the other Jedi with a curt nod.
As though we are strangers!
Qui-Gon looked him over with a scrutinizing yet kind gaze, most likely suspecting that Obi-Wan had left the medics' care without their consent as it had happened a few times in the past with the young apprentice running off, though Obi-Wan had never let his dislike of medics – the dislike that sometimes bordered with fear – to put him into danger. Yet Qui-Gon couldn't know this. Obi-Wan suddenly found it immensely hard to look at the Master and let his gaze wander to a small waterfall raining brilliant drops into a sophisticatedly decorated, white with cherry veins marble cup.
"Padawan?" Qui-Gon's soft voice was full of anxiety and wonder.
Obi-Wan kept his eyes glued to the waterfall, staring at the silver threads of streams as they wove their way around the polished rocks at an enthralling speed.
"Little One?" A large hand lowered onto his shoulder, sharing warmth and care and weight – the weight of Qui-Gon's concern.
Taking a deep heavy breath the younger man tore his gaze from the sparkling brilliance of spiraling water and turned to regard the tall Jedi. For a moment he stood silently, looking intently deep into lucid midnight blue eyes – the eyes he used to find consolation in – as though searching for an answer there.
"You want to know how I got healed this fast, don't you?"
The words that left his mouth sounded cold and calloused. And scorching like Tatooine sands. Obi-Wan lowered his eyes again unable to watch the wounded amazement spread on Qui-Gon's face. At any other time the Master would have hid this expression, but not now, not when they were alone. There was nothing for them to hide from each other, was there?
"What is wrong, Obi-Wan? What is happening to you?"
What IS happening to me? Perhaps you should ask what HAS happened to me – to all of us…
The Master's voice was so very gentle, caring, loving, and Obi-Wan took a momentary respite in the familiar low rumbling of that sound he had thought he would never hear again. But the moment passed to never return, and Obi-Wan gritted his teeth in near despair. Where was the connection he and Qui-Gon had shared for the many years of his apprenticeship? Where was the connection he so longed to feel again ever since his Master's death? He was in a desperate need for it now, almost more than ever – yet he found he could no longer reach out to Qui-Gon with all the blind trust and utter hope he associated with his Master. Something inside of Obi-Wan's soul had been broken during those long thirty two years – it had broken and withered, and crawled deep into the farthest corner of his heart to pierce it with a blunt needle of pain.
And now Qui-Gon was here, the same as before – kind and strong and understanding… Except the bridge was already burnt and the old-time Obi-Wan was gone forever to only live in memories. And the elderly Jedi Master in an apprentice's body unexpectedly and with grim astonishment found he could no longer trust the one he had once adored and could no longer confide into the man who now looked at him with the trust.
He had always wondered if there was ever the faith Qui-Gon placed in him – or were there only words of consolation his friends – and Qui-Gon's friends – told him to raise his spirits. He saw that faith clearly now. And knew it was almost always there. He in his blindness, his crave for outward signs of love had never seen it. Now he knew it was there. But…
A lone tear slipped quietly from the corner of Obi-Wan's eye to roll down his cheek. Qui-Gon didn't see this tear – couldn't see. As he couldn't see the sudden tiredness that filled the blue-green eyes, basking them in gray shade.
Twenty years of seclusion had made him a loner, the Jedi purges had hardened his soul, had instilled qualities he would never imagine to possess as a Jedi. And those qualities were already ingrained in him, engraved into his very being: cautiousness, distrust, watchfulness… The list was enormous. And all of these qualities made him a different man. They made him lose faith.
Abruptly coming to a decision Obi-Wan straightened slightly. He would still play this sithly game called life but he would play it alone as he had done for twenty years. This new resolve brought peace into his soul – a desperate and submissive kind of peace – even as it tore his heart into bloody pieces.
He locked eyes with Qui-Gon again, and this time there was something in his eyes that had never been there before. A wave of resistance shot through him, crying that he shouldn't deceive Qui-Gon – could not. But he brutally quelled it.
I am a Jedi Master, not a snotty Padawan, he told himself strictly. I can handle this. And as he thought it he eminently wanted to believe his own words.
"I will tell you everything, Master," he said out loud, keeping his expression as neutral as he could, remembering some of Tatooine's cantinas where a wrong glance could get you killed. "Let's just sit down and talk."
Like strangers…
He lowered himself onto a large stone, the lower part of which was buried in emerald abundance of tall grass splattered with tiny white flowers and the upper part was warm from the late afternoon sun. His eyes swept the plethora of greenery around them, taking a measure of comfort in the simple beauty of nature, before finally settling on Qui-Gon. The Master followed his example – with a bit of difficulty where Obi-Wan's graceful young body had no obstacles – adjusted his cloak around himself and nodded to show he was listening.
"Yesterday, when I was trapped behind that laser wall…" Obi-Wan took a deep breath. He was going to tell an outright lie – something he had never done to his Master. He was going to deceive the one person who had always trusted him, whom HE always trusted.
Always?
He quickly silenced that acidic voice. Qui-Gon seemed to take his wavering for reluctance to speak about the painful moment.
"When I was behind that wall I suddenly felt a connection to the Force like I have never experienced before. It was as if the Force has doubled my strength, allowing me to break through the laser wall."
"How did my father die?" the young, innocent boy in front of him asked.
The question he did not want to answer. The question he could not ignore. The truth he could not reveal.
"A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire to hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father."
A shocked, open-mouthed expression on Luke's face.
The memory struck him unexpectedly, violently like a lightning, and he barely kept from squeezing his eyes shut. His fingers dug into the speckled stone, crumbling it. That had been a point of view… and so was what he had just told Qui-Gon.
Not quite the truth – not quite a lie either.
He felt Qui-Gon's gentle probing brush against his mind, and raised his shields to block the attempt. So Qui-Gon wasn't all that trusting after all. The thought hurt, eliciting a small shuddering breath, but it also reinforced his resolve. He was alone and alone he would stay – and fight. Yet a bitter feeling of betrayal filled Obi-Wan.
Oh, but am I not the one who has betrayed him? Didn't I break his trust when I couldn't keep the promise?
The warm day suddenly chilled, and colours' vibrancy faded. As though afraid to stop the false admissions Obi-Wan continued, forcing himself to not gabble.
"And later… I don't think I was totally aware of what I was doing. The Force was guiding me in that battle."
He looked in the blue eyes again, expecting to find disbelief. Instead he found something he had never expected – and always craved. He found pride. The basic pride of Master for his apprentice. Long ago, in another life, this pride would have made his heart leap with joy, would have made him blush with pleasure – now it only added to the weight on his shoulders.
Qui-Gon put a hand onto his shoulder, and Obi-Wan almost shrank away from the touch. He'd rather hear accusations than feel this undeserved pride.
"Padawan, you will become a great knight, I have no doubt of that."
Yes, indeed. Great enough to let everyone down.
Qui-Gon frowned, and Obi-Wan felt a prickle of fear that he had picked on the last thought.
"Obi-Wan, are you feeling well? You are pale."
"Yes, I'm fine," he pictured a small smile. "The medics let me go, but I think I need some fresh air. It's soothing here, in the gardens."
And it's nothing like Tatooine – the Sith-cursed planet.
"It is. Almost like the Temple Gardens."
Qui-Gon smiled at the fond memory, and the apprentice watched the familiar small wrinkles appear around his eyes with a catch at his heart. Obi-Wan's smile grew wider as though answering the Master's smile, genuine this time.
"Well," Qui-Gon stood up from the stone. "I think I'll go check on our brave queen. You walk around here, savor the nature but take it easy. And don't forget to join us at dinner."
The lightness of the Master's tone was discouraging. But whether he believed Obi-Wan's story or not Qui-Gon seemed to be willing to abide by the Padawan's rules – at least for the time being – and let the matter drop. Qui-Gon started to walk away when Obi-Wan called after him.
"Will the Council come here?"
the tall Jedi stopped and turned in surprise. "No, why would they? Where did you get this idea?"
"I…" Obi-Wan lowered his eyes in confusion. What a slip! "I thought they might want to come examine what is left of the Sith," he tried to amend.
"Oh, I don't think there is anything left for examination. By the way, we're going home the day after tomorrow. So enjoy Naboo while you can."
With a merry wink the Master turned and soon disappeared behind the trees. Obi-Wan was left alone to ponder his situation. Silently he stood up and walked over to the waterfall.
Home. Home is the place where your loved ones live. Your home is your stronghold. The most safe and most warm place in the galaxy. But where is your home when there's no one you can trust? When you fear to trust, fear to inflict pain on them?
"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering…"
Was he plunging headfirst into the Dark Side this way? Was this Tarius' plot? The real one.
There was no one to answer, no one to seek counsel from.
Again.
He was now no less lonely than he had been in the cursed desert. Only now he was cutting all his connections himself, creating a void he hated – and had gotten used to.
Obi-Wan sat at the edge of the waterfall's pond. Several tears rolled down his face – or were they only splashes of water? The waterfall seemed to be weeping with him, and he suddenly thought he heard a phantom voice of crying water.
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