Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds
What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted?
By Lucky_Ladybug
Notes: The characters aren't mine and the story is! This takes place very post-series. Kalin and his former boss Radley are very close. This was originally a dream sequence and did not turn out as it does now. I liked the writing so much, I wanted to do more with it. I'm using the prompt #14 - If Only from the abandoned 5Ds_100 writing community on Livejournal. Some of Kalin's and Radley's words to each other in the flashback are based on something I wrote for them in a quiz I put up on my Meromeroyui DeviantArt account.
Yusei got out to Satisfaction Town much more frequently these days. Everything was different now. The kids were grown, operating a ranch with their father. The Bunch had stayed, putting their hearts and souls into various careers around town. It was prosperous and booming, with a much higher population than in the past. But it was missing one, and because of that, Yusei's best friend was never the same anymore.
Yusei found him, as usual, standing on the plateau looking over the town, his long blue hair blowing in the breeze. If he knew someone was there, and he likely did, he still made no move to turn around.
". . . He would have liked how it's turned out."
Yusei jumped. Kalin still wasn't facing him.
". . . Yeah, I think he would have," he said. He walked over closer. "And you like it too, don't you, Kalin?"
"I'm glad they've all found their places. And I'm glad I can still protect them. But . . . Yusei, I . . ." Kalin's voice choked in his throat and he finally turned, breaking down as he covered his face with a shaking hand. "I can't go on like this! I can't . . ."
"Kalin . . ." His heart breaking for his devastated friend, Yusei came closer and drew him into a firm hug.
Kalin sobbed, clutching Yusei as a shudder ran up his body. "I know he would want me to go on, and I try, but . . . Yusei, how can I when my heart and soul has been shredded into tiny pieces?! A person can only break so many times before they can't be put back together any more. And I don't know how to now. I don't know how to!"
Yusei blinked back tears. "I miss him too," he said softly. "He brought so much light and life to this town . . . to all of us . . . and most of all, to you. With him gone, you're gone too. I know it's too much for you to bear, but . . . Kalin . . ."
"I know I'm failing you, Yusei," Kalin interrupted. "I know I'm failing everyone. But you're right; that night he died, he took me with him. We'd had twenty years, but it wasn't enough. And I know that even if we had seventy years, it still wouldn't be enough."
"That's how it is when you really love someone," Yusei said quietly.
". . . He said we'd be like the Big Five and have many decades together, and still more after that," Kalin said. "But we didn't. We barely had a dip in the bucket compared to the Big Five. Why, Yusei?!" He pulled back to look at his oldest friend. "Why didn't he live?! Why . . . why couldn't I save him. . . ."
"I don't know," Yusei said helplessly. And he really didn't; he asked himself and God that question every day.
"We both knew it was the end, but there was no preparing for it. Not really." Kalin turned away again. "I still feel him here sometimes, but it's not the same. It can't be the same."
"No, it can't be," Yusei agreed.
"I'm so grateful you're still here, Yusei. And the Bunch, and the kids, and Jack and Crow. . . . But I'm still missing my soulmate." Kalin drew a shaking breath. "I'm so sorry you had to be greeted with me acting like this."
"I understand," Yusei said. "I was afraid you'd be off on your own hurting a lot. It can't be easy to lose someone you love so much after all those years of being together."
"It's impossible," Kalin said. "I honestly don't know how anyone stands to keep living when it happens. Thinking I'd lost you to betrayal made me want to give up on life. I feel the same losing Radley to death."
Yusei just hugged Kalin again. There were no words good enough. But at least the gesture showed he was concerned and cared.
xxxx
The Bunch and the kids were also all worried about Kalin. Of course, in the case of the Bunch especially, they were heartbroken as well and could barely stand it without their beloved leader. Nico and West, though also sorrowed, didn't have quite that same level of closeness with Radley. Still, whenever Kalin dropped by to see them, or they him, their grief could be acutely felt. Radley had been their protector after their father had fallen to Malcolm, and they had never forgotten that.
"Hey, Kalin!" West exclaimed when he saw Kalin drive up with Yusei. "And Yusei too! That's great!"
Nico smiled. "It's so nice to see you both." She leaned on the fence with one elbow.
Yusei smiled back. "How's ranch life treating you?"
"It's pretty cool," West said. "Dad likes raising cattle and horses. I like riding them! . . . Well, the horses anyway."
"Oh West," Nico sighed. But she smiled. "He's really good, though."
"I know," Yusei said. "I've seen the rodeos."
Kalin nodded. "West has grown up to be a daredevil."
"I just want to be a hero, like you and Yusei and Radley," West said.
Everyone looked down at the mention of their departed friend.
". . . I think Radley would say you don't have to ride a bucking bronco to be a hero," Yusei said gently.
"Yeah, but it sure helps prepare you for trouble," West said. "If I can ride that, I can conquer anything!"
Kalin turned away. "It won't help you conquer death," he said bluntly. "It just brings you closer to it every day."
Nico frowned. Kalin had never approved of West's career choice. West's other dream, to be an expert Turbo Duelist, was also dangerous. Radley's death had made Kalin more and more vocal about his feelings. He didn't want to lose anyone else.
"Well," West said, "maybe I can meet up with Radley and bring back a message for you." He looked pleadingly at Kalin, who stiffened and flinched at West's idea. "That might help. . . ."
"You tempting fate and having near-death experiences would not help!" Kalin retorted. "Don't put yourself in danger for me. I don't want that. I'm sure your father doesn't either."
"I just want you to be happy again, Kalin!" West cried. "We miss Radley too, but we have to go on! You didn't always know him, and you got along okay when you didn't!"
Kalin clenched his fists. "That was then," he shot back. "I didn't know what I was missing when I didn't know him. Now I do, and I know I can't live without him!" He looked over his shoulder. "Do you remember when I told you I was a shell of a ghost, Yusei? That's how I feel again now."
"I'm sorry, Kalin," Yusei said quietly.
"I'm sorry too." Kalin revved his motorcycle's engine. "I'll see you a little later. I'm not good company right now."
"Kalin, that's when I should be around more than ever!" Yusei retorted.
"I've already hurt you so many times," Kalin said. "I don't want to do it anymore."
He rode off before Yusei could reply.
West sighed, his shoulders slumping. "He's never the same anymore," he lamented. "And the Bunch tries, but they're always sad now too."
"You understand, don't you, West?" Nico said softly.
"I know that everyone misses Radley," West said. "I do too. But . . . I also know that Radley himself wouldn't want everyone to be sad! He would want us all to go on and find happiness anyway!"
"But he'd understand if some people couldn't," Nico said. "I hope you understand that too, West."
"I get that they feel that way," West said. "I just wish they didn't."
Yusei sighed and nodded. "Sometimes I do too. I worry about Kalin. I'm not sure how much longer he can go on like this."
"We worry too, Yusei," Nico said. "We do what we can, but Kalin is just hurting so much. If we could bring Radley back, we would."
"I know," Yusei said. "Unfortunately, none of us can do that."
"So I guess Kalin will never come back either," Nico said sorrowfully.
"Kalin loves very deeply," Yusei said. "I do too, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone else take it to the level Kalin does. And I know it feels like so much longer, but it's only been a few weeks. Some people grieve for years before they find any kind of peace."
". . . I don't think I can take seeing Kalin like this for years," West frowned.
"I can't either," Nico said.
Yusei sighed and stared off into the distance. "None of us can, but we don't have much choice. I'm sure not going to abandon him in his state, and I hope you two aren't either."
"Never!" Nico exclaimed.
"Kalin's our friend and big brother no matter what!" West declared.
Yusei nodded in approval. "Good. Then I think there's still hope. Kalin loves us too, and he can't stand the thought of anything happening to us, especially after this. Us standing by him and just being there for him is the best thing we can do."
"And we will," Nico vowed.
West looked saddened by Kalin's state, but he nodded wholeheartedly too.
xxxx
It was so lonely in the house now.
Kalin still lived there because it was his home and he couldn't imagine living anywhere else. He had intended, however, to just close the door to Radley's room and never go in there again. He didn't want to put everything away, nor did he want to be in there when Radley no longer could be. And yet he found himself going in anyway. When the nights were too lonely, he crossed the hall and laid down in Radley's bed, hugging the pillows to him as his soul wept.
Sometimes he went to the closet and took out one of Radley's jackets, laying it next to him. They always smelled of fresh night air and Kalin would be taken back to their night rides through the town and around the surrounding area, or to happy evenings in the diner with all of them celebrating together, or to just hugging Radley close and breathing in that fresh scent from his jacket and his hair. Many times Kalin found himself waking up hugging the jackets to him as he cried in his sleep. It was like still having a connection to Radley, yet not, since Radley wasn't still there and couldn't be.
Kalin went to the cemetery every day. Sometimes he spent hours talking, telling about his day and his feelings. Other times he sat in silence or played his harmonica.
Today was a talking day.
"I can't keep doing this, Radley," he said as he knelt beside the grave. "I know you're here, and I know you're trying your hardest, but . . . it's not enough for either of us." He dug his fingers into the grass and dirt. "I need you to be fully here, to actually be able to have a conversation with you and hold you and feel you hugging me.
"The Bunch has so many recordings of your voice. Some videos too. I play them a lot, to remember how you sound and to see your smile. I never want to forget. For a few minutes, it's like you're still here. Only you're not, really, and I can't take looking at or hearing those for long. It drives home too much that it's the past, that what we shared is all over.
"I want with all my heart to go to you right now. And I know you're torn. You want to really be with me again, but . . . you would never want me to kill myself. I wish I could die of a broken heart. I am dead, really, and yet somehow my body keeps going. I guess it's because I don't want to hurt the kids . . . the Bunch . . . Yusei. . . ." Kalin drew a shaking breath. "The only solution for fixing this with no one getting hurt is for you to come back to me. But that can't happen this time." He leaned forward and sobbed. "We used up all our miracles."
After a moment he felt a sweet warmth surrounding him. Radley was definitely there, trying to hug him the only way he could now. Kalin sobbed harder, but reached up to lay his hands on the soft energy.
"Please don't leave me again," he whispered. "Please stay."
"Kalin," Radley whispered back, "I never left."
"It's not the same," Kalin choked out. "It can never be the same."
"I know," Radley said softly.
"Why . . . why did it have to be this way?" Kalin berated. "Why couldn't we have had those decades together that we thought we would have? Instead you were cut down so soon, and I could do nothing!" He hit the ground. "You died in my arms. I can never forget that."
Unbidden to his mind came the horrible memories again—the calamity they had been trying to stop, the magical object that had clashed with Radley's pendant, the blast that had hit Radley when the magical properties had collided. . . . Kalin could never forget the sight of him flying helplessly through the air to crash on the pavement, or how he had breathed heavily and in such pain.
"Radley!"
Kalin ran across the asphalt to fall to his knees beside his friend, his stomach twisting in his horror. As he gathered the injured man into his arms, it was all too horribly obvious that he was dying, but Kalin refused to believe it. They had come through so much together! They couldn't be torn apart now!
Radley blinked back the dark spots in front of his eyes, smiling sadly at Kalin. "Hey . . . I'm sorry, Bro. . . . We tried, but . . . it looks like this is it. . . ."
"No!" Kalin screamed, and it sounded as though Scotch and Billy were screaming it at the same time as they and all the Bunch ran over.
"Radley, no! You can't leave us!" Scotch cried.
"I don't want to." Radley reached out, shakily brushing his fingers against Scotch's hand. "But you guys . . . you've all grown up well. You can stand without me."
"No, we can't!" Scotch sobbed. "It's not like you're a crutch or something! We need you because we love you!"
"I know," Radley whispered.
Kalin felt frozen. He didn't want to accept this was happening, but if he denied it much longer, Radley would slip away and Kalin wouldn't even have the chance to say Goodbye. He held his friend closer to his heart as the tears slipped from his eyes.
"We started out not getting along and ended up sharing something completely unique and invaluable," he rasped. "You showed me how to forgive and love again when my apathy killed you." He shook his head. "I know I can never live without you! You gave me the world."
"Oh Kalin. . . ." Radley looked sad now himself. "I'm sorry. . . . I don't want to die, but . . . I don't think I have a choice this time. I'm fighting as hard as I can, but my body's having none of it."
"You've done more for me than I ever have for you," Kalin choked out. "But . . . I hope I made your life happy too. . . ."
Radley used what was left of his strength to grip Kalin's wrist with all his might. "Kalin . . . you became everything to me! You're my best friend, my confidante, my brother . . . my soulmate. You've made my life very happy." He gave a shaky but completely sincere smile. "I am so glad we've been able to share our lives all these years. I wish we had more time, but . . ."
He choked, gasping in pain. As Kalin and the Bunch watched in helpless horror, his eyes fell shut and he went completely limp in Kalin's arms. Kalin gasped, unprepared for the feeling of a living person slipping into death in his arms.
"Radley?" Scotch quavered. "RADLEY!"
To Kalin's further shock and alarm, Radley's body faded into nothingness. For a moment Kalin knelt dumbly, unable to believe what had just happened. Then he screamed, his anguished cry mixing with the Bunch's devastated sobs for their fallen leader.
The scene dissolved from Kalin's eyes and he was back in the present, kneeling at the grave they had made to have a place to come and mourn their loved one.
"I clung to a weak hope for a while that if we defeated the evil, you'd come back, like how I came back when the Dark Signers were defeated," he said. "But that didn't happen. You're still gone. I don't know why, or how . . . and I don't know how I've been hearing you lately, when I haven't before. But . . . it feels so natural to talk to you. . . . I don't want to question it too much."
A tear slipped from Radley's eye and splashed on Kalin's hand. "I'm so sorry, Kalin. . . . I never wanted this." A bit of hurt and bitterness crept into his voice. "I don't understand why it had to happen either."
Kalin stared at the teardrop in disbelief. "Radley . . . angels cry?"
"I'm still the same person I always was," Radley said. "But . . . you know . . . this is the strangest afterlife I've ever seen. There's nothing here."
Kalin stiffened. "Nothing?!"
"It's just . . . white everywhere. And I'm alone. I haven't seen any angels, or spirits, or God. . . ." Radley drew a shaky breath. "It's terrifying. Maybe God really doesn't want anything to do with me. . . ."
"No!" Kalin burst out. "That can't be right! Maybe you just can't move on because you still want to be here so badly. . . . Did you just breathe on me?!"
"Did I?" Radley fell silent. "Kalin . . . what happened to me? Where am I?!"
Kalin was stumbling to his feet. "I don't know, but I'm going to find out! Something isn't right here. Right now, the veil between these planes is very thin, and I'm not sure you're even dead!" He reached out, trying to feel through the air for his friend. "Where are you?! . . . Radley?!" He brushed the energy with his fingertips, but it felt more solid than it had several moments ago.
"Kalin!" What definitely felt like a hand reached and grabbed his. "I'm here!"
Kalin trembled. This couldn't be happening. It was too incredible, too impossible, and he wanted it with all his heart.
The energy rippled, pulling him violently back into the present.
"Kalin, stay focused!" Radley exclaimed. "I'm losing you again! Please, please, you've gotta get me out of here! We can feel each other, so maybe if we concentrate hard enough, you can pull me back into the real world!"
Kalin thrust his other hand into the energy and grabbed Radley's other hand. "I'll never let you go," he vowed. "You're here and I can feel you, and I haven't for so long. And if you've been there all this time, alive and alone and afraid . . . !" He gripped Radley's hands with all his might, focusing on his friend as he pulled. He had to get Radley out. He had to! Right now he couldn't fathom what had happened to cause this situation, but that wasn't important. The only thing that mattered was getting Radley back with him. He had to . . . he had to. . . .
He gave one last pull and tumbled backwards to the ground. With a shout of surprise and shock, Radley fell on top of him. For a long moment they just lay there, absorbing the moment and trying to process that it was real. Then, with a sob of joy, Kalin sat up and hugged Radley close to his heart. "You're alive," he said joyously. "Thank God you're alive! You must have been pulled into another dimension when I thought you faded away in my arms!" Shaking, he kissed the side of Radley's head and just held him in utter astonishment.
Radley was gripping Kalin in turn, not wanting to let go. "So . . . I really am alive?! I thought I was dead too. . . . But . . . I'm not. . . ." He gazed up at Kalin in awe. "I'm really not. . . ."
"We didn't use up all our miracles," Kalin whispered. "Thank God we didn't!"
Radley closed his eyes, resting against Kalin in peace and joy. "And I'm not alone anymore. I'm home, where I belong."
"Radley . . ." Horror gripped Kalin's heart as he fully processed how Radley must have suffered. Being alone was his worst fear. "Were you really only close to this plane those few times I felt you?"
"I could always see it here," Radley said, "but I could rarely interact." He trembled. "I was so scared. If I hadn't been able to see this world, at least, I think I would've lost my mind." As it was, he would no doubt suffer a great deal of PTSD from this experience, and he and Kalin would both have a hard time not thinking about the horrible last weeks. They would likely stay together almost constantly now.
"You'll always be here now," Kalin vowed.
"Good," Radley said softly. ". . . Why do you think the hole between the dimensions got thinner and thinner?"
"I'd have to ask Yusei what he thinks, but I think it was our bond," Kalin said. "We wanted to be together so badly that whatever dark magic bound you there couldn't hold you."
"That's a nice thought," Radley said. "I could believe it."
Kalin pulled back to look at him, really look at him. The weeks had felt more like an eternity. Radley looked spent; the lines under his eyes were more prominent right now, and the horror of being trapped all alone showed in his eyes. But he was alive and well—truly alive!—and the light was starting to come back.
". . . What did you do for food?!" Kalin suddenly exclaimed. "How did you survive without food?!"
Radley sighed and shook his head. "Over there, it was almost like I was in a state of suspended animation while conscious, if that makes any sense at all. I wasn't hungry or thirsty, but I was wide awake. That was also why I was sure I was dead. If I'd been hungry, I would have known something was up." He gave a weak smirk. "I'm kinda getting hungry now, like when you wake up from a deep sleep and it takes your body a while to start rousing up enough to be hungry."
Kalin hugged him again. "Let's go home. I'll fix something for you to eat, and we'll call the Bunch, and the kids, and Yusei is here in town right now too."
Radley smiled and hugged Kalin close. "I'm glad you haven't been alone."
"I was surrounded by people, but when I thought you were gone, I still felt alone," Kalin said softly.
"I'm so sorry," Radley whispered.
Kalin reached and took Radley's pendant off of the grave marker, snapping it on around his neck. "If you'd only had this with you, maybe you could have made it home sooner," he lamented. It had been flung far when Radley had been hit by the magical blast that had seemed to take his life. Kalin had only found it after, and he had broke down as he held it.
"Maybe," Radley said. "But since I didn't know I wasn't dead, I wouldn't have known I could use it to get home."
"I think you would have tried anyway," Kalin said.
"You're probably right," Radley relented. He sighed. "I'm sorry all of this had to happen. . . ."
"So am I," Kalin said. "I know how horrible it is to be alone, and I know how afraid you are of it. If I could have only helped you sooner . . . !"
Radley gave him a genuine smile. "You helped me now," he said. "Come on, let's go home."
Kalin got to his feet and reached to draw Radley up with him. "Yes. Let's."
xxxx
They walked back to town slowly, with Radley looking around in awe and drinking everything in. It was hard for him to believe he was really back, and hard for Kalin likewise. Most of the walk was spent with him keeping an arm around Radley's shoulders to make sure his friend was truly solid.
Someone apparently saw them coming a long way off, as by the time they reached the town sign, the entire Bunch was running over, screaming Radley's name as they kicked up a dust cloud behind them. He laughed in joy, reaching to try to hug all of them when they caught up.
"Radley! Radley!" Scotch cried, clutching the man close to him.
"How?" Billy whispered in disbelief.
"I wasn't really dead," Radley said. "I got blasted into another dimension." He shuddered. "I thought I was dead, though. But Kalin saved me when I managed to reach out to him through the planes."
"Oh Radley . . ." Scotch just kept hugging him. "We thought you were gone forever. . . ."
"Hey . . ." Radley smiled down at him. "I'll never be gone forever. No matter what happens, one way or another I'll always come home. I'm just glad that this time it was with me still being alive."
"That's always the best way," Scotch said.
The sound of boots crunching in the dirt brought everyone's attention up. The Bunch stepped aside, revealing a stunned Yusei standing there.
". . . How?" he gasped.
Radley explained again. Yusei looked from him to Kalin, starting to smile.
"He's finally home," Kalin said, hugging Radley close.
"I'm glad," Yusei said sincerely. "Really glad. Welcome home, Radley." He looked to the other man, who was returning Kalin's embrace.
"Thanks, Yusei," Radley smiled at him.
Yusei smiled back. He could see in Kalin's eyes that he was alive again too. And with their missing loved one returned to them, everything was complete and as it should be.
"Radley!" West called in excitement and joy. He and Nico ran up to the scene too. "You're really okay! But how?!"
Radley chuckled and rested against Kalin. "It's a long story," he said as he reached to draw the rest of the Bunch close to him too. "But I'll tell it again. All of you deserve to know."
Nico beamed. "I'm just so glad you're back," she said. To Radley's surprise and shock, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.
"Wow, you really are glad," Radley commented.
"Kalin's so happy again now," Nico said, "and all of us care about you so much! Nothing has been the same without you."
"What she said," West said. "I don't think I'll kiss you, though. But . . ." He hugged Radley. "It's so great to have you home," he whispered.
Radley hugged him close. "It's so great to finally be back at last," he said softly.
xxxx
There had been no question that Kalin and Radley would stay in the same room that night. After Radley showered and ate at the diner with everyone there, the two went home and stayed up on the couch for a while, just drinking in being together again. When they finally went to bed, not really wanting sleep to separate them but knowing their bodies were insisting on it, they both snuggled into Radley's bed and held each other close.
It wasn't a surprise at all either when Radley woke up trembling in the night, pressing himself against Kalin's chest. Kalin awoke too, looking down at his friend with shaken eyes. "Radley . . ."
Radley looked over at him. "It was so horrible," he whispered. "Being all alone and unable to reach you. . . . I tried so hard!"
Kalin held him closer. "Did I always react?" he asked in sickened horror.
"Yes, but at first you'd just pause and look around, calling my name," Radley said. "Finally we graduated to you talking to me and seeming to hear me when I answered, or seeming to feel the energy when I tried to hug you."
"It wasn't the same, but it was better than nothing," Kalin said. "And if we hadn't had at least that, I might not have been able to save you today."
"I wonder about that myself," Radley said softly. "Those moments meant everything to me, especially when I thought it was all we had left. And I will always be grateful for them, when they finally brought me back to you."
Kalin smiled. But it faded when something else occurred to him. "You . . . always saw things here?" he quietly asked. That would mean Radley had seen all of his mourning and grieving. That must have made it even harder for him.
"Yeah, I did," Radley admitted. "I walked through the whole town, just on that other plane. I always saw how you were hurting. I'm so sorry. I always tried to reach out to you, but I hardly ever got through. I laid down on the bed every night."
"I think I sensed you sometimes," Kalin said. "Often when I was sleeping, I felt you in my dreams."
Radley gave a sad smile. "I tried really hard to connect with you that way."
"The other night I woke up feeling like you were holding me," Kalin said.
"The barrier between the planes must have really started to thin out then," Radley said.
"It should have happened sooner," Kalin berated. "But of course I'm thankful it happened at all."
"So am I," Radley said.
". . . It will take you a long time to recover from this, won't it?" Kalin said.
"It will be much easier now that you're here," Radley said.
Kalin smiled, but swiftly sobered. "I never could have had hope of recovering if it hadn't been possible to get you back."
"I know," Radley said somberly. "And I couldn't have hope to recover without being able to come home."
They snuggled closer before falling asleep again. This time they managed to sleep peacefully until morning.