A/N I'm back! Sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth. I've had a lot on my plate with my senior year winding down to an end. I finally committed, Hail to Pitt! So that's a load off my shoulders. I should have more time to write for a week or two before I'll disappear again. (Senior exams and the APs are right around the corner :p) But hopefully I won't be gone for too long. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed, and favorited. You guys are awesome. Remember, if you leave a review you get a sneak peek of the next chapter! Without further ado...Enjoy!

Ch. 5

Alone

"Sometimes it's better to be alone. Nobody can hurt you." – Unknown

I drew my fingers gently over the bandages around my wrists. Castiel had cleaned my wounds quietly and quickly, lead my back to the room I had taken after my arrival, and then left me to my own devices. I debated on trying to escape under the cover of night when everyone was asleep but decided against it when I realized I had nowhere to go.

Sam and Dean still had my duffel with all my supplies and money so I couldn't escape and use the money to get far from the bunker. Leaving would be suicide especially if any other supernatural entities were aware of my presence here. I had a sinking suspicion that they would recognize me for what I was.

My musings of escape were interrupted by the voice, the one that had been keeping me company for the past week.

It cooed softly, like a concerned mother, in my ear. It asked me if I wanted to learn how to heal myself.

"Yes, please." I said softly, it had been teaching me many things during my solitude. It taught me how to listen to angel radio, how to tap into it and its different frequencies. It taught me the blood ritual to call on demons.

It told me to feel for something deep down inside of me. Something semi-tangible. It told me to push the pain away so that I could find it.

And that's what I did. I pushed the physical pain away, I reached deep within myself and felt it: the grace of God, warm, soft, welcoming. Like a thousand down pillows filled with sunlight. I reached out and touched it. It enveloped me and ran over my skin like the soft breath of a summer breeze.

I opened my eyes. It didn't hurt anymore.

The bruises were gone. I undid the bandages and the scars were gone, the cuts were sealed, the swelling went down.

"Thank you." I no longer had to battle the physical pain I'd been burdened with. But that was the extent of the healing power I'd been bestowed. My heart was still cold and empty like the vacuum of space, or rather the crushing mass of a black hole's singularity.

Despair and loneliness were not so easy to heal, and although the physical scars of my ordeal were gone the psychological ones remained.

The door to my room opened and Sam Winchester walked in.

"How are you holding up—" Sam stopped and gaped wordlessly for a moment. "You're…healed?"

"Yes." I said simply.

He gave me a look. "How?" Sam asked striving to sound patient.

I didn't owe him an explanation and something deep inside of me warned against ousting my invisible friend, so I lied. "I'm remembering some things."

Sam looked surprised. "Really, like what?"

"I don't think it's any of your business." I said, "Are you going to torture me?" I asked bitterly. "It appears that's your modus operandi now."

"Of course we aren't going to torture you," Sam sighed sadly. "Look, I'm sorry about what we did to you. You didn't deserve it." Sam bit his lip. "Dean's sorry too, you know."

"Yeah," I nodded. "So am I."

Sam looked uncomfortable and frankly, lost, like he didn't know what else to do. "Are you feeling better?" He asked.

I shrugged. Sam bit his lip.

"C'mon. Let's get you out of this room." He finally said.

"What?" I didn't want to leave.

"You've been alone for too long. It's not healthy. Besides you've got to eat something." Sam insisted. "Dean makes a mean burger." His hopeful smile fell slowly when I made no move to leave. He stood up with a sigh and gently pulled me out of bed.

"Let's go." Sam ordered softly. I was too tired to fight him, so I didn't. He pulled me through the winding hallways until we reached the kitchen. Dean was busy over a stove flipping over beef patties. The smell of cooking meat made my mouth water.

"Do you want cheese on your burger, Sa—" Dean stopped when he realized I'd accompanied his brother into the kitchen.

"Do you mind making a burger for Avery?" Sam asked as he led me to an empty chair, which I took. Dean looked at me and then at Sam and then back at me.

"Yeah, sure." He nodded.

We sat in relative silence for some minutes while Dean fixed the burgers.

"So, you got Cas without any problems?" I broke the silence quietly.

"We met April," Sam shrugged. "Had a little confrontation, but nothing we haven't dealt with before."

I stared at Dean's back as I said, "Good, I was worried you would have more problems." Dean stiffened at my tone and his eyes narrowed. He must know that I know about Ezekiel. I mean, Dean knows that I've watched the show so he must've put two and two together by now.

"Well we didn't." Dean said stiffly setting down a burger in front of me.

Sam looked at us. I picked up my burger and took a bite, staring at Dean.

"Okay then…" Sam said awkwardly drumming his fingers against the Formica.

I turned to Sam and stared right into his hazel eyes. "Ezekiel." Sam straightened and his eyes shone blue for a moment.

Dean's eyes widened before he started glaring at me.

"You." Sam or rather Gadreel said. His voice was different clipped.

"You know who I am?" I couldn't help but be stunned. Cas had no recollection of me or my kind, how did Gadreel know?

"I was there when my Father first conceived the idea to make you." Gadreel said.

My mind raced a million miles ahead. I wasn't expecting this. "Can you tell me more about what I am? About why I was sent to live in that other place?" I asked hurriedly, this was more than I'd ever hoped for. I'd initially planned on using Gadreel as leverage so that I could do as I pleased without Dean getting in the way, but maybe I could learn about this whole mess from Gadreel.

"I'm— sorry, I cannot." Gadreel looked uncomfortable and shot Dean a look

"Why not!" The glass in front of me shattered and I jolted back. Did…did I do that?

"I was…predisposed; busy working in my garrison. I had nothing to do with the vessels." Gadreel said. In that moment it struck me. He was lying. And I knew why. He'd been imprisoned in Heaven's jail ever since he let Lucifer into the Garden. He wouldn't know anything about me.

I pushed the disappointment down and turned back to Dean. "Fine. Well, now you know that I know about him." I jerked a thumb at Gadreel. "If you ever do anything to harm me" I started. "If you even breath on me the wrong way, I'll tell Sam." I threatened. "I'll tell him and I won't even bat an eye when he kicks Zeke out and his organs fail."

Dean gritted his teeth and I crossed my arms.

"Why would you do that?" He growled.

"You're joking right?" I asked. Dean didn't speak. "I need leverage to make sure that you won't try and hurt me again. This way, I'll know." I shrugged. "You wouldn't ever hurt Sam."

"I would end you right now for even daring to threaten my family." Dean hissed.

Well… I should've been expecting that. I leaned back in my chair trying to subtly put more distance between Dean and me. "You wouldn't." I managed.

"Wouldn't I?" Dean asked. "I'll do anything to keep my brother safe."

"And what will your brother say when he finds out you killed a defenseless teenager? How will you explain yourself?" I placed my fingers over the shards of glass from my cup and slowly wrapped my fingers around the largest one.

"First off, you're not a teenager." Dean looked at me and I bit my lip. He was right; I wasn't, not anymore at least. "Second, you're far from defenseless. I saw what you did to that cup, and we've seen you practicing your mojo."

"I'll just tell Sam that you threatened his life." Dean shrugged looking very confident.

"No," I shook my head. "Sam would never let that fly. He wouldn't let it go with, 'Sorry she threatened you, she had to go'. I don't believe it."

"You wanna bet?" Dean growled.

We both jumped when Gadreel smacked his fist onto the table. "Enough! You will not kill the vessel."

"What?" Dean glared at him.

"She may be the only means of finding my Father. I will not let you kill her." Gadreel said.

His sentiment confused me. His father, God, had him locked away for all of eternity. Why would he want to find God?

"If you lay another finger on the vessel," Gadreel said. "I will leave, myself, and Sam will die."

"That wasn't a part of the deal!" Dean stood angrily.

"I've said my part." Gadreel nodded at me before he gave up control and Sam looked back at me instead, confused.

"Who?" He asked. He looked down at my hands and his eyes widened. "What did you do? Are you alright?"

I looked down and realized I'd been gripping the glass too tightly. Blood was running freely across my palm and I dropped the shard.

"Oops." I said softly as Sam rushed to grab a clean rag and wrap it around my palm. Dean glared at me and I returned the glare until Sam glanced up at us still looking very confused. He looked like he wanted to ask what was going on but refrained. I was sure he'd bring it up with Dean later, which I was perfectly fine with.

Dean could do the damage control. It's not like he deserved to get out of this without some grief.

"You should finish your food." Sam urged. I'd still only taken one bite of my burger. I took another bite and made sure to smile at Dean.

"Mmm. Sam was right, you do make a killer burger." I said coldly. Dean looked at me stonily as I took another bite of my burger before he got up and left without a word.

"Dean!" Sam huffed as his brother left. "I'm sorry, sometimes Dean gets—" Sam let out an exasperated breath.

"Pissy?" I supplied. "Yeah, I get that." I finished what I could of my food, which was less than half, and got up to leave.

"You're done already?" Sam asked skeptically and stood with me.

"I'm full." I sighed when Sam gave me an incredulous look. "Honestly, I am."

He pursed his lips but conceded. "Alright." I gave him a small smile, which seemed to lift his spirits slightly. He probably still felt guilty for the way he dealt with me earlier.

I left to my room and fell back on my bed. I stared at the concrete supports that held the roof of my room up and contemplated life for several minutes before becoming bored. I sat up and leaned against my headboard.

Now what?

As if it could read my mind, my companion started whispering in my head. Asking if I wanted to take the next steps to realize my full power and potential. I nodded, glad for something to do to occupy my hours of solitude.

I could feel my companion smile in my head. Let's begin.

A week or so passed and nothing really happened. I woke up, showered, got dressed, and then headed towards the kitchen for breakfast. Sam would always be up before me, waiting with breakfast and Dean would still be sleeping off the half bottle of whiskey he drank the night before.

"His liver's going to explode if he keeps drinking like that." I said idly through a mouthful of toast one morning.

Sam shook his head. "Believe me, I've tried to get him to cut back but getting between Dean and his alcohol is like getting between a momma bear and her cub."

I snorted into my coffee at the mental picture of Dean as a mother bear. Things between the two of us were still unbelievably tense. I didn't know if it was because of the whole Gadreel thing or because I was finding it much harder to forgive Dean than Sam and Cas.

It felt more personal with Dean. Yeah sure, Cas and Sam had aided and abetted but Dean was the one who took up the blade. Just knowing that made it hard to look him in the eyes. So I just tried to avoid him and made sure to stay out of his way. Eventually we would come to some sort of an understanding but right now everything was still too raw.

And so when he walked into the kitchen looking like hell with his dry chapped lips and red puffy eyes I made sure to make myself sparse.

When I wasn't having my secret mind lessons with him (I'd decided that the voice was a he) I was wandering around the bunker exploring all of the rooms. There was the shooting range, of course, the clinic, a billiard room, a gym, the garage, communal showers, kitchen, living quarters, tens of rooms all dedicated to records and files, the library, armory, a strange room that reminded me of a museum exhibit with strange artifacts in bullet proof glass, and still plenty more that I hadn't even looked into yet.

I eventually wandered back to the main room sometime around lunch and found Sam sorting through something in a plastic bag.

"Hey, where have you been?" Sam greeted me putting the bag down.

"Just…wandering." I shrugged. "What's that?"

Sam glanced back down at the bag and smiled a little. "Dean brought some Game of Thrones for us to watch tonight."

I snorted and Sam looked at me almost defensively. "What?"

"No nothing, it's just that… Sam and Dean Winchester having a night in to binge watch some TV." I smiled softly. "It's nice. You guys are usually all depressed and angsty, trying to save the world and each other from some new terrible thing."

"We're not always hunting monsters you know." Sam quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Well on the TV show you are," My smile fell. "Then again, having a relaxing night in doesn't make for good television, does it?"

"I guess not." Sam shrugged putting the DVDs back in the bag.

"What have you been up to then?" I asked hesitantly taking a seat at the map table.

Sam brightened. "Well, Cas has been wanting to go out to try and find angels to, you know, help them acclimate and all, and Kevin said that this table lit up like the fourth of July when the angels fell."

"Okay," I nodded.

"Well, that means that this bunker can track angel activity, right? So if we find whatever controls this bad boy," He tapped the table. "We can program it to look out for angels and then Cas can go out and find them."

I pursed my lips and looked up at Sam. "Do you really think Cas is up for that?"

"What do you mean? It was his idea." Sam frowned.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Listen, Sam. Cas, he's only been human for what, a couple of weeks now? I don't think he knows how to handle himself while he's so…vulnerable." I explained.

Sam gave me a disbelieving look. "Cas is a warrior angel, Avery. Even If he is human now, he has thousands of years of battle experience under his belt. I pretty sure he can handle himself." He chuckled.

"You're not listening, Sam." I shook my head. "Cas doesn't have the strength he used to have. He feels now. I know-" I cut Sam off before he could object. "Cas has had feelings for a long time, but not like this. He feels everything much more acutely and not just emotions, but pain."

I stood up. "It must be overwhelming. Especially since his brethren are out there, in the cold, lost and confused. Especially when it's his fault."

Sam frowned.

"Sam, Cas is going up against fully powered angels that are pissed as hell. They lost their home, their wings. If they saw Cas in an alley they would kill him before he could even blink." I shrugged at him.

"I'm just saying that maybe, Cas should try and leave the angel situation be for a while. At least until we can figure out how to get his mojo back." I offered.

Sam nodded. "So instead of trying to track and assist maybe just, track and avoid?" Sam scratched his neck. "I haven't told Cas about the table yet so there won't be any harm done."

I nodded. "Have you found out what controls this yet?"

Sam smiled. "Oh yeah."

I followed Sam into the darkened room and winced when he flicked the lights on. My eyes quickly adjusted to the light and I gave a low whistle at the size of the machine that took up most of the room.

"Crazy right?" Sam grinned. "Check this out." He led me over to the main console. Someone had pulled the back panel off and exposed the insides. My eyes flickered to a dusty shelf along the back wall nervously. Dean had already inadvertently released Dorothy and the Wicked Witch.

"I didn't find it hooked up to anything, no wires or an discernable power source." Sam shined a flashlight into the machine illuminating the complex wiring.

"Did you call Charlie yet?" I asked keeping my eyes on the back wall.

"How did you know we called her?" Sam asked perturbed.

"I watch the show, remember?" I sighed.

Sam grimaced. "Right. Yeah, she's on her way."

"And, uh, Dean…" I bit my lip. "Where is he at?"

Sam gave me an understanding look. "Picking up Charlie."

I nodded and suddenly found my shoes very interesting. I felt a hand rest on my shoulder and I looked up at Sam's hazel eyes. "Dean is sorry you know."

"Yeah, I know." I muttered.

"We don't mean you any harm." Sam assured me. I pulled away from him and rubbed my arm.

"Yeah you don't mean me any harm. That doesn't mean I won't get harmed." I said pointedly.

Sam's face pinched with guilt and I immediately felt bad for saying what I did, even if I was right. "You have my word that Dean, Cas, and I won't harm you." Sam said with conviction. "At least not directly." He amended when I cocked and eyebrow.

"Dean doesn't like me." I said. Sam sighed and shook his head.

"You don't know that."

"Trust me," I laughed bitterly. "I do."

"I know Dean can seem…hostile." Sam managed and I scoffed. Hostile was too kind a word. "But he really does mean well. I'm sure if you two just got to know each other better, you'd get along great."

"I guess," I mumbled noncommittally.

"I'm just asking you to give him a chance is all." Sam said carefully.

I shrugged and Sam gave a small smile. "It'll be fine, I promise." I shot the shelf one last look.

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

P/N So what did you guys think? Better worse? I'm hoping that the plot changes I've made are making the story flow better. Before there were a million and one plot holes and I'm hoping that this storyline will hold up better and is more coherent. I know I had some complaints of having the plot and the story's rules all over the place so hopefully this time around I did better. Tell me what you think, about the story, the way it's written. Do you like the relationships I'm establishing? Do you think I should do something different? Leave a review below and tell me what you think. Remember, if you leave a review you get a sneak peek of the next chapter.

Thanks always,

Lucy