A/N And I'm back! Sorry it took so long to update. I got stuck on this one scene and I couldn't write past it for a while. I've also been super busy with my classes and finals are coming up so I don't know when I'll be able to update again. Hopefully soon! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed, and favorited. Y'all are the best. Remember that if you leave a review you get a sneak peek of the next chapter! Enjoy!

Ch. 15

Black Water

"All right. Try this, then. Everybody I know and care for, and everybody else is going to die in a loneliness I can't imagine and a pain I don't know." -Northern Pike, James Wright

It took Slater only two long strides to make it to Avery's side. "Avery? What's wrong with her? What did you do!" Slater demanded angrily.

Dean bristled. "Me? I didn't do shit!"

Slater kept one hand on Avery's arm, almost like he was making sure she was still there, while he turned to confront Dean. "Then why is she in some sort of fit!"

Dean shrugged on a grey zip up hoody gingerly while still glaring daggers at Slater. "She's remembering something."

Slater blanched and glanced back at Avery who still was staring into nothing. "She—what?"

"I don't know, she told me that when she remembers stuff she gets all Night of the Living Dead . We just have to wait it out." Dean crossed his arms and watched as Slater stared at him for a moment before turning back to Avery.

"Avery," He whispered. "Darling? Look at me. Avery?" Slater dragged the back of his hand across her cheek. "C'mon."

"I already tried." Dean insisted and his hands curled into fists. Just being in the same room with Slater made his skin itch and burn. Dean knew it was irrational to be so incensed by the sight of the guy, but the asshole had made him wait while his brother was still in danger among other things…

"What took you so long?" Dean demanded quietly.

"What?" Slater asked distracted. He was still stroking her cheek lightly and staring at her worriedly. It made Dean sick.

"What. Took. You. So. Long?" Dean repeated. "Avery called you hours ago."

"I was busy."

"Busy?"

"Yes," Slater snapped. "I was busy."

"With what?" Dean growled, quickly losing what little patience he had.

Slater dropped his hand and quickly squared off with Dean.

"I don't recall it being any of your business." Slater spat.

"Oh yeah?" Dean challenged. "I think its rich that you can show up late and still act all concerned about Avery like you give two shits about her."

Slater snarled and stood up straighter— if that was even possible—like he was trying to seem larger than he really was. "You don't know anything about me, Winchester, so don't presume to know about my relationship with her!"

Dean frowned at that. Relationship?

"Dean? T-Tom?"

Slater and Dean looked back at Avery who was now blinking and looking around the room like she was lost.

"Hey," Dean said carefully and stepped away from Slater. "You okay?"

"I—uh—remembered something." Avery stuttered as she took in the new arrival. "When did you get here?"

Slater took a deep breath. "Five minutes ago, maybe...you called?"

Avery muscles were tense and her body exuded uncertainty. Dean ignored Slater's question and asked his own.

"What did you remember?"

Avery froze. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing that concerns you." Avery said sharply before deflating. "Sorry, didn't mean to snap." Avery's gaze lingered on Slater for a moment before she looked down at her feet.

What had she seen that was making her so…so—

"I need your help finding someone, Slater." She said quietly.

Slater glanced at Dean and then back at Avery. "Why should I help you?"

Avery's eyes snapped up and she looked shocked. She hadn't expected Slater to demand an explanation.

"We—we need to help Sam."

"Help Sam?" Slater repeated and Avery frowned.

"Yes."

Slater stared at Avery for a moment before pinching the bridge of his nose. "What are you up to?"

Avery's eyebrows furrowed. "Well Sam, he's got an angel stuck inside him…"

Slater looked up at her in disbelief. "You're meddling, even after I expressly told you not to."

"This isn't meddling." Avery argued.

"He told you what?" Dean demanded. "What is he talking about?"

Avery looked like a deer caught in headlights.

Slater walked up to her aggressively. "Bad things happen when you change the future, Avery. The universe always self corrects. If you hadn't wiped your hard drive, then you would know this better than anyone."

"What is he talking about?" Dean asked again more forcefully and Avery looked at him apologetically. This was not going at all like she had hoped.

Slater laughed slightly without tearing his eyes away from Avery. "What my darling Avery," He said this very condescendingly, "neglected to tell you, Mr. Winchester, is that she isn't allowed to change major events. She didn't tell you that there are severe consequences for doing so. She didn't tell you the truth."

Dean frowned. Avery had told him that she wasn't allowed. She had told him that day when they had defeated the witch. Dean suddenly realized that Avery was breaking rules for him.

"Tell me," Slater spat. "What did you think I was going to say when I got here? Did you think I was going to hop onto your little 'cater to Avery' bandwagon and answer your beck and call?"

Avery gave him a wounded look. "Tom, that's not— I didn't think—"

"Oh, You don't have to tell me," Slater laughed tiredly. "I know you didn't think. You never think! And I always have to clean up your messes!"

It was in that moment that Avery decided enough was enough. She refused to be pushed around any longer. "Stop talking to me like I'm the same person you knew! If I hurt you in the past then I'm sorry, but you can't hold things I don't remember doing against me!" She spat.

Slater reared back in surprise before punching back twice as hard. "All right I won't, but let's take a look at this things you do remember. Remember when you drugged me and went after that shaman alone? Or how about when you made a deal with the King of Hell and set him free?"

Avery went pale but Slater wasn't finished.

"Slater back off." Dean growled and put himself between the pair.

"Let's talk about your latest exploits." Slater continued. "How you ran off and ended up killing a man by the side of the road leaving his body there to rot. How if your pal Dean here hadn't found you then Abaddon would have. Let's talk about that, shall we—?"

"I said back off!" Dean shoved Slater away from Avery who had started trembling slightly at his accusations.

"How did you—?" Avery had never felt so unsettled, so attacked, so hurt in her life. How had Slater known about the demon that was trailing her?

"And now," Slater said quietly. "Now you want to change a major event because it suits your fancy?"

Avery gaped at him and Slater shook his head. "You might not remember much, but your arrogance seems to have made it through."

She tried to blink back tears as her faced flushed with indignance. "I-I don't understand. Why are you—? You're supposed be…you're—"Avery's jaw clamped shut like she had thought better about what she'd been about to say.

"Save it." Slater hissed.

"No," Dean growled. "You can take your, 'you can't change destiny' bullshit and shove it up your ass. I have changed destiny before, and for the better. My brother and I saved the world, we stopped the Apocalypse, so I don't buy this at all."

Slater turned his burning glare towards Dean. "You think you left the world better off, Dean Winchester?" He said Dean's name like it was a filthy word.

Slater smiled spitefully. "You left a power vacuum for Crowley to occupy and a civil war in heaven. Crowley started hunting the Alphas which forced them to procreate at exponentially increased rates infesting the world with their filth. Then your angel friend released the leviathan onto the earth and they ravaged the earth's population, but not before he was driven insane by the souls he carried and massacred thousands, both in heaven and on earth."

Slater took three steps up to Dean so they were almost nose to nose. "Tell me, Dean Winchester, did you leave this world a better place?"

The silence in the room was deafening. Dean was almost as pale as Avery. All of his worst fears were confirmed. Dean felt like a fist was closing around his heart.

"I've met the likes of you many times before, Dean Winchester," Slater shook his head slowly. "and no matter how different the circumstances, you always come out the same. Arrogant, inflated, a hero complex for the history books—"

"Stop it." Avery's voice broke with anger. "None of that was his fault and you know it! Dean Winchester is a fucking hero and I never want to hear you say otherwise again."

Dean would later look back on this moment and rank it among his 'top five for most shocked he's ever been'. Avery had been one of the last people on this earth that he expected would call him hero. And hearing her say that felt like he was taking his first breath of air after almost drowning.

Slater's eyes narrowed. "You always did have a soft spot for them."

"I—what?" Avery's eyes widened. She and Slater had met the Winchesters before and that blew her mind.

"Doesn't matter." Slater shook his head. "I'm leaving."

"No! You can't!" Avery grabbed Slater's wrist and he shook her off.

"Yes, I can," He said through gritted teeth. "And you can't stop me."

Avery was suddenly livid. "If you won't help me with Sam then I'll do it myself, but you still need to show me how to save Lucy."

"Do I now?" Slater asked sarcastically.

"Wait who's Lucy?" Dean asked but no one paid attention to him.

"Yes, you do!" She snarled. "I won't have her blood on my hands. I will fix this and you'll tell me how. This is me cleaning up my messes."

Slater just looked at her.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Avery demanded and Slater deflated slightly.

"You don't understand—"

"Then help me understand!" She threw up her hands angrily.

"YOU'RE BROKEN!" He screamed.

Avery stumbled back a little and exhaled as if the oxygen had been pulled out of her lungs.

Slater dragged his hands over his face breathing heavily. The anguish was palpable. "Y—you mutilated yourself and I don't think I'll ever be able to fix it."

"What are you talking about?" She breathed.

"Right now, I have millions upon millions of variations of myself living in different dimensions. I can switch my focus," He snapped his fingers, "like that. I can access all of it."

"That doesn't make any sense." Dean protested. "Does that mean your clones are just sitting around mindlessly?"

Slater sneered. "Your tiny human brain can't fathom the intricacies of how I exist and it never will." He looked at me. "We're part God, it's in our design. But the best way I can explain it is that the vessel is like a hive mind. Our iterations are the ants and we are controlled by one mind. They can all do different things and act independently but under the nexus."

"I still don't understand." Avery said angrily. "Why can't you just teach me how to access my—clones, or whatever, why am I 'broken'?"

Slater closed his eyes and took another pained breath. "The only way you could hide—" His voice broke. "You had to be in one place. All of you had to be in one place."

Avery and Dean still looked throughly confused and perturbed. What was Slater getting at?

"You merged."

"I—what?" Avery asked baffled.

Slater began pacing looking more and more distressed. "You anchored every single iteration of yourself to one body and hid. It broke your mind, Avery. It broke you."

Avery exhaled sharply and then laughed weakly. "But—I'm not…crazy. I know I'm not crazy."

Slater looked at her. "Your memories were eviscerated, torn apart. And, apparently, when one of them surfaces you fall into catatonia." Slater laughed humorlessly. "Y—you can't heal yourself or others properly, you can't control your powers or how they manifest."

Avery shook. "So—what? Does this mean I'll never save Lucy? Why would you tell me I could help her if—? How did you even help me remember that I—?"

Slater face flooded with guilt. "I thought I could fix you, break down the anchor. As for your memory, I pulled it out of the recesses of your mind. But the last time I did that you started having nightmares. I didn't want to make your condition worse."

Avery thought about the nightmares that had plagued her the past month. She suddenly realized that they'd tapered off into nonexistence. Had Slater's interference really caused them?

"Hey, she was a little kid when she got here." Dean interrupted. "Now she's not. Does that have anything to do—?"

Slater bit his lip. "That's not how it should have happened, no. She would have had this body here already and the other would have stayed there. Only her focus would have shifted."

Avery paled and said quietly. "It hurt so much."

Dean tried to mask the pity in his eyes and continued. "But if she…anchored herself, or whatever, then how is she here? How did she get here?"

Slater shrugged. "Desperation maybe? Abaddon slaughtered her mother and Avery knew she was next. Somewhere deep down the nexus must have decided to do whatever it took to get somewhere safe."

"And this is safe?" Avery scoffed bitterly. "Isn't this Abaddon's home turf?"

"I don't know, Avery." Slater said frustrated. "Believe it or not but I don't have all the answers. Maybe somewhere in your sub-conscious you thought that this place had something that would keep you—" Slater's eyes paused on Dean for a moment. He noticed how Dean had stood next to her protectively during the entire conversation. "—safe."

Avery noticed the look and turned faintly pink. Slater's jaw clenched.

"That's it." He said. "That's all I know. I can't help you."

"So what?" Avery asked hurt. "You're just gonna leave again?"

"Don't push me." Slater warned.

"No! You don't get to just drop a bomb, like that, on me and just take off!" She insisted.

"I am not 'taking off'—" Slater protested.

"Yes, you are! You're abandoning—"

"You abandoned me!" He yelled finally. Avery fell silent again, stunned at the devastated look on Slater's face. "I— you were my best friend…and you abandoned me."

Slater disappeared and Avery just stared at the spot he used to occupy.

"Well," Dean said slowly, "That was…"

"Shut up, Dean."

"Okay, shutting up now."

Dean pretended to be asleep as he listened to Avery cry quietly into her pillow that night. She had been stony and silent the rest of the day. Dean had tried to talk to her initially but she refused to engage.

"I don't want to talk about it." Her faced had turned red with shame and she tried to hide the break in her voice. Dean humored her and pretended not to notice. It was easier that way. Pretending everything was fine. He wasn't good with crying girls. The best he could offer was an awkward hug and some tired platitudes. Nothing substantial or satisfying. Nothing that would actually make her feel better.

Avery shifted around in the bed next to him before standing up and slipping out of the motel room. As soon as the door closed behind her Dean sat up and strained to hear what she was doing outside.

She hadn't taken any of her things with her and she hadn't even put on a pair of shoes, so Dean was sure she wasn't trying to bolt. Dean dragged his hands over his face. He didn't know what he was going to do. How he was going to find Gadreel's vessel, how he was going to save Sam without any collateral damage. How he was going to make sure Metatron didn't turn Gadreel to the dark side. Avery had a plan but it was risky. So many things could go wrong and Dean couldn't do anything to better the odds.

It frightened Dean how much this plan hinged on Avery pulling through. He couldn't have her wrapped up in her own drama. He couldn't have her distracted. That's how mistakes happened. That's how people died.

Dean threw off his sheets and went out to join Avery. When Dean opened the door Avery jumped slightly before turning her back to him and wiping her face quickly. Dean shivered when a gust of wind blew through the motel door.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you." Avery said thickly.

Dean hesitated. "Are you… okay?"

"Fine, I'm fine." Avery insisted tightly. She crossed her arms over chest as another gust blew over them.

"You should come back inside. You'll freeze to death." Dean frowned. She was only wearing a thin cotton camisole and a pair of shorts. Her toes were curled up to her feet and her lips were turning blue.

Avery's jaw clenched like she was going to protest but her face softened when she looked at Dean and she nodded. Dean stood back and held the door open for her as she moved back into the room. He stiffened for a moment when she ducked under his arm and lightly pressed her cool fingers to his abdomen as she squeezed by.

Dean waited a moment before closing the door again and flicked on the light. Desaturated fluorescent light flooded the room and Avery blinked as her eyes adjusted to it.

"Listen," Dean started, "I need you on your A game. Okay?"

Avery bristled and opened her mouth to protest but Dean held up a hand, "Don't tell me that you are because you aren't and I don't expect you to be."

Avery crossed her arms and looked away.

Dean took a step closer to her. "Whatever you need to do…to get past this? I need you to do it, okay?"

Avery's breath caught in her throat and her cheeks flushed. She had started noticing little things about him. The scar on his chin, the crows feet around his piercing green eyes, and the tired purple bags under them. "Um…is it too late for that drink?" She asked weakly and Dean chuckled in surprise, a rare smile making the crows feet around his eyes more pronounced.

"No, it's never too late." Dean threw on his jacket and grabbed the keys to the Impala before leaving the motel room. Avery sank down into her bed shakily and clutched her arms to her chest.

How pathetic could she possibly get? Was she actually falling for Dean Winchester? The little flutter in her chest whenever she looked at him was pretty damning but Avery shook her head. It was probably just a physical attraction. He was handsome…very handsome, and just because she'd noticed (How couldn't she?) didn't mean she…

The door opened and Avery stood up quickly. Dean closed the door behind him and held up a bottle of whiskey triumphantly. Avery gave him a small smile that felt more like a grimace and Dean offered her the bottle before pausing.

Avery frowned. "What? What is it?"

"You're like fifteen…I feel weird about giving booze to a minor."

Avery laughed shortly in disbelief and Dean grinned. He was teasing her.

"You asshole. I've been around since the beginning of time."

Dean held up his hands. "You only remember fifteen years of that, I don't know if I'm comfortable—"

"Gimme that." She scowled and unscrewed the cap before taking a large swig. Maybe too large in hindsight, because she coughed and spluttered as the burning liquid made its way down her throat and into her stomach.

"Easy there, tiger. Don't get too excited." Dean took the bottle from her and matched her drink but didn't react like she had.

"That was disgusting." She stuck out her tongue.

"You wanna stop?"

Avery's eyes widened. "God no." She took the bottle and swallowed another, more conservative, mouthful before sitting down at the edge of her bed. Dean sat down next to her.

The smell of the whiskey was pungent and it wafted up from the bottle and stung Avery's nose but she couldn't find the will to care. She took another drink and Dean accepted the bottle quietly.

"You know," Dean started, "you never seemed like the type of person who would drown their problems with a fifth of whiskey."

"Well, you don't really know me." Avery shrugged and Dean looked at her. "Fair."

Avery looked down at her finger nails. "I don't really know me either so I won't hold it against you." She could feel the heat radiating off of Dean's body and Avery swallowed. She really needed to stop thinking about Dean's body…

Dean handed her the bottle because it seemed like the right thing to do and Avery accepted and drank. The whiskey was already starting to warm up her insides and Avery realized that she probably should have eaten something before drinking. She hadn't finished her dinner so she was drinking on an empty stomach which was almost always a mistake.

"We should probably get to know each other better." Dean mused. "Maybe we wouldn't hate each other so much."

Avery stiffened. "I don't hate you."

Dean looked at her in surprise. "You-you don't?"

She shook her head slowly. "No…do you hate me?"

Dean watched her for a moment, "No."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"…okay." Avery drank some more whiskey.

"Maybe you should stop." Dean advised and Avery scowled at him.

"I'm not even drunk yet."

"Yeah but you can't weigh more than 120 pounds soaking wet and you've already had a lot. That whiskey's gonna hit you like a bus if you don't relax." Dean took the bottle from her gently and Avery didn't fight him. They sat in silence as Avery waited for the booze to kick in and as Dean caught up to her.

"So…what did you want to know about me?" Avery asked him and Dean shrugged.

"I don't know…did you have a lot of friends back home?"

"No," Avery folded her shoulders in slightly. "I was the schizo-freak. People kept their distance."

Dean paused. "Sorry."

"Don't be. S'not your fault."

Dean waited long enough for the little bit of tension he'd caused to fade."What about that Lucy chick? Who's that?"

"A family friend, She was staying with her aunt in New Haven before she moved to John Hopkins. Lucy was going to attend Med School there. She used to pick me up from school." Avery sighed knowing that Dean was probably aching to know more. "She—well, she's in a dimension where Harry Potter is real."

"…Are you kidding?"

Avery laughed bitterly. "Yeah, I wish. Apparently I transported her there because a friend I had in that world wanted to change what had happened."

Dean gawked at her. "You can transport people to other dimensions?"

Avery shrugged. "I used to. I don't know anymore."

"And you transported her there to change Harry Potter? That's…"

"Yeah."

"Harry Potter?"

"Believe me, I know it's ridiculous."

"Do you think Star Trek is real too? Lord of the Rings?"

"Probably….God you're such a nerd."

Dean shoved Avery lightly but the alcohol had started to impair her motor skills and balance so she toppled off the bed and landed on the floor with an indignant squeak.

"Dude!"

"God you're such a klutz." Dean mocked and Avery huffed. "You pushed me!"

"You're drunk." Dean smirked and Avery rolled her eyes. She laid down and crossed her arms over her stomach before staring at the cigarette smoke stained popcorn ceiling and asking, "Does it make you feel small? Knowing that all that exists? Knowing that there's millions of universes just as big and just as crazy as ours?"

"I've never really thought about it." Dean admitted. "You?"

Avery closed her eyes like she was trying to picture it. The scope of how large everything was compared to her. "Yeah. Really small."

"But you're a vessel. You're probably just as big as all that. I mean, you're certainly a part of it." Dean argued.

"Still. It's too big. How can it be so big?"

Dean took a swig of whiskey. "I dunno. I try not to think about it. There's enough problems right here at our feet. We don't need to think about the rest of the universe."

Avery sighed and propped herself up on her elbows. "Fair." She held out a hand. "Gimme."

Dean handed her the bottle and she took a drink before lying back down and cradling the it to her chest.

"Favorite color?"

"Blue."

"Black. Favorite song?"

Avery puffed out her cheeks. "Damn, that's a hard question. Um…do you know the band 'Of Monsters and Men'?"

Dean shook his head. "Nope."

"Well there's this song Blackwater, I think that'd be my favorite."

Dean chuckled. "Of Monsters and Men, it's kinda ironic isn't it?"

She smiled. "Yeah, it is. How bout you?"

"It's a tie between Ramblin' On and Traveling Riverside Blues."

Avery frowned. "Wait, I knew that."

"What? How?"

Avery sat up unsteadily and took another swig before deciding to cut herself off for the night. "The show."

Dean grimaced. "Right, the show. You know that's super strange, right? That you know all about us?"

"Yeah, sorry. I didn't know at the time. I thought all of it was fiction." Avery laid back down, set the bottle down near her cheek, and crossed her arms over her chest. "I wouldn't have watched if I knew I was gonna meet you guys."

"Hindsight's 20/20…" Dean shrugged and glanced at the whiskey. "Gimme that."

"Haven't you had enough?" She asked and Dean shook his head.

"Takes a whole lot more than that to get me drunk, sweetheart."

Avery looked at him. "Sweetheart…" She repeated quietly. "You know, I don't get why some girls hate being called that."

"Sweetheart?" Dean asked and Avery nodded.

"Yeah, who wouldn't want a sweet heart? And, who wouldn't want a guy to notice?"

Dean didn't know how to respond so he didn't.

"Do you ever miss your mom?" She asked him and Dean felt like he'd been electrocuted. That was not what he was expecting.

"Cuz I miss mine," She continued. "I miss her all the time. Can't stop thinking about her. I see her everywhere in everything I do."

"I think about her sometimes," Dean offered. "Most of the time I don't but, every once in a while…"

Avery stood up and sat next to Dean on the bed, he could feel her overheated body radiating warmth. "She was half demon, you know?"

"What was she like?" Dean asked.

Avery looked at him again and whispered, "She was perfect. Better than I ever was…better than I'll ever be. It's crazy, my mom was the good one and she was half demon. My dad was a good for nothing dick and he was half angel. You'd think it'd be the other way round, huh?"

Dean could see Avery's jaw start to work. "You know, I can barely picture her face in my mind anymore? I just…I can't pull up the image."

"It…it gets easier with time." Dean managed before swallowing another mouthful of whiskey, screwing the cap back on, and tossing it at the duffel bag near his feet. It landed on the bag with a dull clunk and Aver crossed her arms around her chest. Her cheeks were cherry red and her eyelids were drooping. She swayed back and forth slightly like she was trying her damnedest to control her balance.

"Hey Dean," She slurred and Dean watched her carefully.

"You ever been so lonely it hurts? Like…you can't breath and if you don't do something you'll scream?"

Dean hesitated. This wasn't something she'd ever say to him if she wasn't hammered. He was sure of it and, he probably wouldn't have said what he said next if he wasn't a little drunk also.

"Yeah…I have."

P/N What do you guys think? Leave a review below and tell me! Everyone who does gets a sneak peek of the next chapter!

Love Always,

Lucy