There is a poll up on my profile and I'd love it if you guys gave it a look. I kind of want to set up a discord chat for a Q and A (or maybe even a more open-ended type of arrangement) so I can get more involved with the readers. If this is something you're interested in (or not) please answer the poll and after I get the results back (Ten or more people say yes) send me a PM if you wanted to be added. Idk, just wanna try something and see if it works.

Ch. 22

Only A Dream

Avery jolted awake to the sound of car doors slamming. Weak light streamed through the windows and she shuffled away when the door next to her opened to reveal Dean's towering form.

"C' mon, let's go."

He grabbed her by the forearm and pulled her out. They were underneath an old bridge that was abutting what looked like an abandoned factory. At the base of the hill, there was a circular concrete wall with an inlaid metal door. When they had taken a couple of steps away from the car, Sam drove it away leaving them behind.

He tugged her forward and she resisted for about five seconds before Dean turned and gave her a stern look.

Don't even try it.

Avery felt her throat close and her eyes sting before taking a shaky breath and letting Dean lead her away.

"What is this place?" She asked as he opened the door revealing a pitch black interior.

Dean looked at her, "Home."

Avery expected a dingy ill-lit concrete room but what she got was a lavishly decorated art deco library and war room. She almost couldn't believe what she was looking at. How could all of this be theirs? How did it even exist? Dean prodded her and she climbed down the wrought iron staircase. He led her into the library before pausing uncertainly.

"Who the hell are you guys?"

Dean shifted uneasily before extending his hand towards one of the chairs, silently offering her a seat. Avery accepted hesitantly and waited for him to speak.

Dean sighed, "We hunt monsters, not serial killers or child rapists, but honest to God, vampire, werewolf, ghost, monsters."

Avery stared at him.

"Angels and demons and God, all of that is real too."

Avery kept on staring at him. Dean bit his lip nervously and continued, "That guy, Tom? He's not who you think he is. I mean—he is Tom, but Tom is like you, a vessel. And after he killed a friend of ours he took you and had your memories wiped and replaced."

Avery blinked.

Dean sighed and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, "Look I need you to give me a sign that you're picking up what I'm putting down. I'm not lying to you, okay? I'm not crazy."

Avery crossed her arms across her chest, "Why should I believe a word you say? You lied to me, seduced me, kidnapped me. What's next huh? You and your brother are in some weird supernatural cult? Am I a sacrifice? Is that it?"

Dean stood up with a frustrated huff, "God this would be so much easier if Cas were here."

"Who the hell is Cas?"

Dean looked at her, "Hopefully, the guy that'll bring your memories back. I've seen him take them away so maybe he can get them back again."

Avery rolled her eyes, "My memories aren't gone. I have all my memories. My mom's name is Helen and my dad's name is Jim. I have a little brother named Chris and he's currently going to Duke. I lived in North Carolina all my life and went to school there till I dropped out. I. Have. All. My. Memories."

Dean scoffed derisively, "You have no brother, your mom's name is Allison and your dad's name is Eric. You have never lived anywhere your whole life because you've lived everywhere your whole life. As for the college thing," Dean shrugged, "I dunno maybe you have at some point in your stupidly long life."

"Stupidly long life? I'm 27."

"The point is," Dean bit out, "everything you think you know is wrong. Fake. None of that shit ever existed."

"Bullshit." Avery hissed.

"Oh yeah?" Dean challenged.

"Yeah."

"Okay," Dean pulled out his phone. "Call them."

Avery paused, "What?"

"You heard me." Dean insisted. "You're gonna call your mom and you're gonna talk to her. If she's real, that is."

Avery frowned punched the number in and hesitantly held the phone to her ear. She couldn't believe her luck. If she could alert her mother that she'd been kidnapped then maybe she could get a search party going. The phone rang and rang until finally, the answering machine clicked. The voice on the other end politely apologized for not being able to answer and then told her that the pet shop would open again on Monday from 9 to 10.

Avery looked at the number on the display to see if it had been entered incorrectly. It wasn't. She hung up and quickly dialed her father's number. It was a pizza place. Finally, she called her brother, but the same thing happened. None of the phone numbers called the people she was after.

"What the hell is this?" She demanded.

"This is proof that your 'family' isn't real. Not this one, at least," Dean answered.

She frowned at him, the phone, and then him again before shaking her head, "This is some kind of trick, a phone that calls dummy places no matter what number you put in."

Dean gaped at her, laughed, took the phone, and then called his brother before putting it on speaker phone.

"Yeah what's up?"

"Hi, Sammy. You get the Impala settled in alright?"

"Uh…yeah? I'll be up in a minute. Did you really call to check on the car?"

Dean shook his head and smirked, "Nah, just proving a point." He hung up the phone and Avery stared at him looking more torn and frightened than before.

"…No, I— I remember my family. This— that doesn't mean— it could still—" She trailed off and Dean crossed his arms.

"This is impossible," Avery insisted. "It's not real. I'd know if this crap were real. Everyone would know! How could nobody know that monsters were real? How could someone possibly convince me that my family isn't my family and I'm not me? Have I been brainwashed? Am I the fucking Manchurian Candidate? What the fuck is going on!"

Dean set the phone on the table gently and sighed, "You don't think anyone that's seen monsters would want to keep it a secret 'cause they'd look crazy? Who would believe them? I'm trying to tell you now and you don't believe me. I'm telling you the truth when I say that Tom grabbed you, ran, and switched out your memories. You've lost all of them before and now it's happened again."

Tears rolled down her cheek, "So, what am I supposed to do now, huh? Take your word for it? You say my family and my life isn't real, which frankly I still don't believe, and that there are monsters after me."

Avery threw up her hands, "What the fuck am I supposed to do now? Trust you? You've given me no reason to trust you. You kidnapped me!"

Dean looked irritated, "Because monsters were after you! Are after you! Was I supposed to just leave you there to die?"

Avery stood and started pacing, "I've been in Leiper's for months and nothing has happened to me. Before that, I was in North Carolina and nothing happened to me. When were these monsters supposed to have come to kill me? I haven't had so much as a fist thrown my way or a threat."

Dean followed her, "Tom's been watching over you ever since you got to Leiper's. Haven't you ever wondered why he's been so interested?"

Avery shook her head in bemusement, "What, you don't think I can be interesting to a guy?"

Dean huffed, "That's not the point I'm making and you know it. You told me that he's been following you around like a puppy. That guy has been obsessed with you ever since I met him— And yes I've met him before."

Avery's mouth slammed shut when Dean answered her question before she could utter it.

Dean rubbed his face, "If I was lying to you, why wouldn't I come up with a better story? Or better, if I was kidnapping you because I'm a psycho, why wouldn't I just do it? Why would I spin this story knowing how crazy it sounds?"

Avery looked away. It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. She didn't know what to think.

Dean sighed and closed his eyes, "Look, when Cas gets here he'll show you some of his mojo and maybe that'll help you believe me. Until then just do me a favor and try not to run for it. You've tried to a hell of a lot of times and I always catch you. I don't want to have to cuff you down somewhere."

Avery paled and nodded.

"Good."

Avery woke up some hours later in a room she didn't recognize and in clothes that didn't belong to her. Sweat soaked her clothes and sheets and her heart pounded in rhythm to the shrieks of agony still vibrating between her ears.

Tom

Everything Dean had told her spun madly in her mind and her heart started to plummet to her stomach. Fear and anxiety shook her fingers. Panic gripped her lungs but desperation and resolve pushed her legs out from under the covers and brought her to the edge of the closet in 'her' room. She pulled on her jeans and then her shoes before opening the door and creeping down the hallway as quietly as she could manage.

Somewhere Tom was screaming in agony and somehow she'd heard it. She hadn't wanted to admit it to herself at the time but Tom meant something to her. He had been her steadfast companion for months and he'd managed to wriggle in and occupy a place in her heart. If he were in trouble, she would go for him. She didn't want to dwell too hard on why and how she knew he was in trouble. It was all too much at the moment but that wouldn't stop her from saving him if he needed it.

She made it as far as the kitchen before the lights flicked on and Dean revealed himself.

"I thought we talked about this," He groaned and rubbed his tired purple stained eyelids.

"I have to go."

"You're not going anywhere—"

Avery took a step back when Dean started moving towards her. "No, you don't understand," Her voice started rising with hysteria, "I can't stay here. I need to go back right now!"

Dean raised his palms, "Look I get it. You're still freaking out about the kidnapping and the monster shit—"

"No no no!" She almost shrieked her whole body shaking with adrenaline. Echoes of Tom's screams bounced around in her skull and she couldn't ignore them for a minute longer.

"What the hell is going on?" Sam stepped into the room groggily.

"He's in trouble. He's in pain and I have to— I need to go now—"

Dean shook his head, "Excuse me? You better not be talking about that asshat, Slater."

"He's in pain!" She yelled before trying to push past him. "You can't fucking keep me here! I have rights— Ugh! Just fucking let me through!" She punched and shoved but Dean held her back.

"Avery, what's going on?" Sam asked in as soothing a voice he could muster at 3 in the morning.

"If you think we're going back for that douchebag, you're out of your goddamn mind," Dean growled.

"Dean, wait a minute," Sam insisted.

"Avery."

"Stop calling me that," she spat.

Sam tried not to roll his eyes before acquiescing, "Ally, tell us what's going on."

"I told you!" She growled. "Tom's in trouble. He's in pain and I need to go back."

"How do you even know this?" Sam crossed his arms.

Avery stopped struggling with Dean for a moment and the color bled from her face.

"I just do, okay? Dean, please. I'll do anything. Just take me back. We have to get him back. She's got him and it's all my fault—"

"Whoa, what?" Dean stopped her. "What did you just say? She? What do you mean it's your fault?"

Avery froze, "I don't know why I said that." That wasn't untrue. She didn't know why she'd said. All she knew was that it was true. But Avery was dangerously close to confronting what she'd slowly come to realize as more time passed and she wasn't sure if she could handle it.

Avery pulled away from Dean's arms and retreated in the direction of the hallway from which she had come. Could she ignore the panic she was feeling, the dread? Could she ignore it in favor of the sweet, ignorant bliss denying what was happening would give her? Did she want to give up the life she was sure belonged to her and accept the story she'd been told? That Tom had kidnapped her and manipulated her, that she was not human, that her family was a fabrication, that for whatever reason she'd attracted the ire of a demon and that same demon was now torturing the one person she could call friend?

"Never mind." Avery insisted. "It was just a nightmare. I don't know what I'm talking about." She felt like a coward the second the words left her lips and she hated herself for it.

"No," Sam shook his head, "we'll take you."

"Sam," Dean warned but his brother held up a hand to quiet him.

"We'll take you."

Abaddon took another thin pointed rod and poked the punctured flesh of the wretched vessel strapped to her table. He shuddered as the rod pierced skin and then screamed when the rod broke through skull.

"Oh insula, oh insula, how painful can you make this?" She sang to the tune of 'Oh Christmas Tree' and when she found her desired target (the dorsal posterior insula), she turned a dial on the electrical unit connected to the rod and the vessel's eyes rolled to the back of his head, his body twitching sporadically.

She nudged one of the other rods protruding from his head, "Now broadcasting. Hello hello? Any bitch out there?"

There was a whining screech that shattered the windows and the blue light pouring from the vessel nearly blinded her meat suit before the rods shot out of his skull for the fifth time that evening. One impaled her left bicep and she pulled it out petulantly.

"Quit ruining my fun, shit for brains!"

The vessel vomited but, being unable to turn his head, choked as it stayed in his mouth and made its way back down his throat. Unable to die, he continued to choke and suffocate indefinitely until Abaddon finally grew bored and unstrapped his head so he could turn to expel what was mostly just stomach acid from his mouth.

The panicked sob and wretched groan that issued from his now unblocked mouth inspired no sympathy in his torturer, only pleasure.

"How long, you think, till she comes to your rescue?" Abaddon asked. "Or maybe, she never will. Now that dumb and dumber have her she might never be able to come back. Better still, she might never really have enough of a reason to come back thanks to you. You just had to wipe her brain clean, didn't you? What do you think? Maybe she'll just chalk it up to a nightmare and forget about our little message, huh? You and I could go like this forever. I'll still catch her of course. Torture her. Make her suffer. But you and me baby, we don't have to stop our fun when I do."

The panic in his eyes was delicious.

"Please," He croaked. "You have me. Just keep me. Leave her alone."

"Pwease Miss Abbadon, pwease spare my wittle girlfwiend." She mocked in a horrifying infantile keen.

He sobbed again and Abaddon laughed and laughed till it almost hurt.

Dean stood outside the kitchen with his brother arguing quietly about going back to Leiper's Fork.

"We don't have the firepower to get him out of there and you know it." Dean hissed.

"This might be the way to get Avery's memories back. Only Slater knows what he did to her and if this guy dies, we might never get her back. Do you really want to start from zero with her again? Not to mention that the first time around she wasn't terrified to be in the same room with us. We'd be starting from less than zero."

Sam wanted to shake his brother, "It'll be impossible to watch her if she's trying to escape all the time or did you forget what that was like?"

"No, I didn't forget," Dean growled. "I was the one that went after her!"

"Then you understand where I'm coming from!" Sam hissed.

"We don't have a plan; we don't have the muscle, we don't even know exactly where he is or what shit he'll pull if we do rescue him. What's to stop him from up and vanishing with her all over again?" Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Look, if we are gonna go after that son of a bitch we'll need the first blade before we do. We have to go in there at least semi-prepared."

Sam pursed his lips and shook his head but said nothing. Dean wasn't wrong but they were on a clock and their only sure hope of undoing what was done to Avery might vanish if they didn't do something and fast.

"Fine," Sam finally allowed. "But we gotta call Crowley and get this show on the road before it's too late. Maybe ring up Cas too and see what he can do to help. I know he's busy but I'm sure he doesn't want Abaddon to have access to a vessel any more than we do."

"What do we do about Girl, Interrupted?" Dean asked.

Sam glanced into the kitchen at Avery who was anxiously tugging at her blonde hair, "We tell her what's going on. We've got no reason to lie to her. The more she knows the better. If we're honest, it might be easier for her to trust us again."

Dean pursed his lips and nodded. Avery stood quickly when they reentered the room and waited expectantly for them to speak.

"Before we can go get Tom, we need to get something. A weapon that will help us kill Abaddon."

"That's the woman who has him?"

"Demon," Dean corrected and Avery winced before shaking her head as if to shake the cognitive dissonance loose.

"Fine, where is it?"

Sam and Dean looked at each other, "That's the problem," Sam admitted. "We don't know."

Avery blinked. "You don't know? How long will it take to find it?"

Dean opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out.

Avery ran her hand over her mouth before scoffing and shaking her head, "You don't know. Perfect."

"We need it if we're going to stand a chance against her," Sam said but Avery wouldn't hear it. Tom was being tortured now. Every minute that passed was another that he would have to spend in agony. Agony that Avery could sense and was her fault. The more she thought about it the more angry and ashamed she'd felt over her initial cowardice. It wasn't fair that Tom was suffering because of something that she'd done. Despite everything, if what the Winchesters had told her was true, Tom had protected her.

It might have been twisted and backwards but Tom had done it to protect her. Again, competing narratives warred inside her. In one, Thomas had been a defender hell bent on saving her from her own mistakes and in the other, he had kidnapped, brainwashed, and perhaps raped her depending on how you looked at it.

It hadn't felt like rape to her. She'd never said no. He'd never forced himself on her. He'd manipulated her, yes. But how different was it from any other person who'd convinced someone to hop into bed with them? She hadn't been told all the facts but she also hadn't been programmed to behave any differently… had she?

Avery found that it didn't matter to her. Whatever the relationship had been it still meant something to her much to her astonishment. And even if it hadn't, the only reason they were in that mess was because of something she had done.

"That's not good enough," Avery said finally. "Tom can't wait indefinitely for us to find this weapon. If it's me she wants then let her have me."

Sam and Dean protested immediately but Avery cut them off.

"Who am I to you people?"

That made them stop.

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked.

"Why do you two care so much about what happens to me? Who gives a shit if I sacrifice myself for Tom? She wants me dead? Fine, let her have it. What makes me so goddamn special to any of you people that you can't just let me do this?"

If what they had told her was right and Tom was a vessel just like her than Abaddon had the super secret power the brothers insisted was too dangerous to leave unchecked. But Abaddon didn't care about that. Or at the very least, it didn't seem like she cared. Abaddon had a vendetta against Avery and Avery alone. If it was really just the power of the vessel she wanted, then she didn't need Avery.

She told the brothers as much and they remained silent.

"Why can't we just go make the trade? This shit show is all me, apparently. I broke it. I buy it."

"No," Dean snapped.

"Why not?"

"Because!"

"That's not good enough!" Avery spat.

"What do you want me to say?" Dean stepped closer to her and glared down at her, "That we give a shit? That you're our friend and we don't want to see you get skewered by that psycho bitch? Well, there! I fucking said it! Happy now?"

Avery stared up at him shocked by his outburst and Dean continued.

"You and Sam watch Game of Thrones like it's going out of fucking style and you and I went bowling! We've been drinking buddies and we've hunted demons together. We had each other's backs before Slater came and wiped your chalkboard like it was the end of math class. So excuse me the fuck for giving a damn whether or not you live or die!"

Avery hardly knew what to say to him after that. Friends. They'd been friends. Just friends? She glanced at Sam and noticed that he too had been staring at his brother. There was a look on his face that she couldn't quite decipher. It didn't look half as shocked as she'd expected it to be. In fact, it was almost carefully blank like he was trying very hard not to emote what he was thinking.

Friends.

The word echoed in her mind and she felt a phantom confusion and discomfort tickle her lungs. A niggling strangeness that felt like it belonged to someone else. Someone who'd had a different experience with the word than she had. She couldn't help but feel like the word was wrong. Was it wrong because they were less than friends or more than it? And if it was more… why hadn't he said so? Wouldn't more be, well, more compelling an answer?

A burst of pain and sorrow flowed through her and all thought of her relationship with the brothers flew from her mind. Tom needed help.

"What's the weapon and why is it special?" She asked and Dean leaned away.

"The only thing we know that can kill her is the First Blade. The blade Cain used to kill Abel from the bible. Paired with the Mark of Cain which I have," Dean unrolled his sleeve and displayed the brand on his inner forearm, "we'll end that bitch once and for all."

The second he'd exposed the Mark, she felt a wave of hate fill her up. It was cold and empty like the singularity of a black hole. A darkness so black that even light couldn't make its way back once it breached the horizon.

Avery frowned and tried to shake the feeling loose, "Why do you need the Mark too?"

Sam shrugged, "The Mark powers the Blade. Without the Mark, it's just a sharp hunk of bone."

"You know what it looks like?" She asked as an idea started to form in her head.

Sam nodded, "We've got pictures. Pictures you drew for us."

Avery looked up and exhaled, "Could we bluff?"

Dean frowned, "Excuse me?"

"Could we make a fake Blade, you could show off the Mark, and trick Abaddon?"

"That's insane," Dean shook his head. "She'd never fall for it."

"Why not?" Sam asked and Avery and Dean turned to look at him in surprise. "Dean, you told me how she legged it when Abaddon thought we had an angel on our side. And if she sees you have The Mark and The Blade she'll turn tail all over again. She'll be shocked to see you have it."

Dean made a noise of disgust, "That's the flimsiest fucking plan I've ever heard."

Sam shrugged, "We've gone in before on less. Dean, if we don't get Tom out of there, we might never get Avery's memories back."

Avery smiled bitterly, "That's why you want to take me. You want the old me."

Sam nodded, "Honestly? Yeah, I do. Is that a problem?"

She bit her lip before laughing and shaking her head, "Not if it gets me what I want."

Dean frowned even more if that was possible.

"We'll make the fake Blade and more of the devil's trap bullets," Sam said. "We just need her to flinch."

"Metatron? I didn't know you were going to come visit little ol' me," Abaddon lounged in a tattered armchair that her demons had pulled out from one of the abandoned offices in the warehouse. In her hands was a bloodstained ice pick that she twirled and twisted distractedly.

She still hadn't gotten any further with luring Avery out into the open. Perhaps Slater really had done too good a job and the distress calls she was sending weren't getting through to her in any real way. That was annoying.

Metatron glanced at the unconscious vessel whose arms were tied back and up in a crude strappado.

"I see you've captured one of them."

Abaddon's nose wrinkled in disgust and Metatron smirked, "Just not the one you wanted."

"What do you want, feathers?" Her tone grew impatient at the reminder.

"I think we have a common enemy. That should make us friends as the saying goes, no?"

Abaddon quirked an eyebrow, "You want to team up against the Winchesters?" She wasn't opposed to the idea but Metatron was a slippery fuck. What had happened to Naomi was proof enough. If she was going to accept the alliance, she'd have to watch him like a hawk for the inevitable betrayal.

Metatron started walking towards her casually, "Why not? I want them dead; you want them dead. It's simple."

"What do I get out of this?"

Metatron smirked, "I know you're in want of a certain something and I happen to have it."

Abaddon stood up and tossed the ice pick onto the chair, "You have the Malahaph?"

Metatron shrugged, "The angels were entrusted with it before God left. And I have it."

"And what about her? Which one of us is getting the cherry on top, hmm?"

Metatron paused, "We could share—"

"I don't share." Abaddon bared her teeth. "I've wanted that bitch dead for centuries and you won't rob me of what I deserve."

"Oh come on," He rolled his eyes but paused and looked back at the tortured vessel.

"Fine, I want that one." He pointed at Slater who moaned.

Abaddon stared at him for a moment before smirking. She had no intention of giving Metatron what he was asking for. A vessel was a powerful weapon and she wasn't about to let a competitor get his hands on one. Not to mention that she wasn't planning on letting him live anyway. It wouldn't be real revenge if she didn't take something from Avery just as she had taken something from her.

"Fine," She said. What Metatron didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

"So we have a deal?"

"I believe we do, lover."

A week passed before the Winchesters were able to make a close enough replica of the First Blade. Avery's extensive drawings had aided dramatically in the endeavor but there was no way to know how faithful the recreation was. In all that time she'd only become more and more anxious as the intensity and frequency of visions became greater and greater.

Avery and Dean worked closely during the project and had come to a silent but companionable working agreement. Throwing themselves into the minutia of the blade's creation left little room for conflict aside from decisions about the correct coloration or curvature of the blade tip. They had made a good team all in all.

Dean had taken advantage of the peace to fill her in on some of her past in the hopes that it would jog her memory. He made sure to steer clear of the more tumultuous portions of their relationship so as not to alienate her unnecessarily. But it turned out not to matter. Whatever history he managed to explain to her fell on unfamiliar ears. The blank and polite smiles she offered whenever he told her something only went to show how thoroughly Slater had manipulated her memories.

Avery wasn't Avery. She was Ally and nothing Dean said had changed that.

"Dean," She asked him, "When I get my memories back…will I— will Ally… disappear? Die? What happens to me?"

Dean hadn't really known what to say to that. "Well, I guess you'd still remember everything that's happened since…"

"But I wouldn't be me anymore. Would I?"

Ally didn't look at him the way Avery used to and he didn't know if that was a bad thing.

Dean pursed his lips, "I guess not."

Avery frowned, looked away, and nodded. "Okay."

After they let Sam know that the blade was as ready as it would ever be he sighed.

"You're sure about this?"

Dean scoffed, "You're the one that wanted to go in guns blazing."

"No, I know. It's just…"

"Plan's pretty flimsy?" Avery offered and Sam cracked the first genuine smile Dean had seen in a while.

"Yeah."

"Well, not much else we can do to prepare. We've got the bullets; we've got the 'blade,' Cas said he'd meet us in Leiper's. Only thing left is to get Slater."

"Alright," Avery said. "Let's do this."