Chapter 23: Don't Shy from the Light

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, it belongs to BBC

Under the Stairs-Jack in Water

The fear that you feel

from under your stairs

It's not fear that you feel

it's the guilt that we share.

It's instinctive.

This has to be the weirdest moment of my life, Kit thought as she rode the elevator with the Dalek.

Elevator music played and Kit shook her head. She was standing in an elevator with a Dalek and it felt almost normal. It was so mundane that it creeped her out.

"So, how's life been?" Kit asked.

"Bad," it responded.

"Yeah, probably should have guessed that."

Kit shook her head and laughed a little to herself. Did she really just try to make small talk with a Dalek? Yep, this was definitely the weirdest day.

"How do you know so much about me?" It asked after some time of silence.

"What?"

"The things you said, you know about the Daleks."

She was lost for words. She didn't think that the Dalek would care about what she said. She was with the Doctor, she just though the Dalek would assume she knew about its race. It made sense that it would pick up on that. If Rose didn't know what it was then she shouldn't either. She felt so stupid in that moment.

"How?" It demanded. "If you know my species, that would mean you have meant a Dalek before."

Kit bit the inside of her cheek. She couldn't exactly say that she was from the future and there were Daleks. That might give it hope and it might try to kill her. No, she needed to lie once more.

"The Doctor told me about your species."

"And not Rose?"

Kit rubbed the back of her neck. "Um, well she's a newcomer; hasn't heard about you guys yet."

"I… see."

It was obvious that it didn't totally believe her but it wasn't asking more questions. She was safe for now.

The elevator finally came to a stop. The doors opened and they entered a long grey hallway. The Dalek pushed her forwards. Kit followed it for some time. They didn't talk. Kit wasn't sure what to say anymore. She just followed the Dalek and hoped it knew where it was going.

It stopped suddenly and looked up to the ceiling. "Here."

Before Kit could reply it shot at the ceiling. A shaft of sunlight streamed down straight into her eyes. She blinked rapidly and looked away.

The Dalek moved towards it but Kit stepped in front of it. "Wait, before you go, you have to promise you won't kill. If I let you go, you can't kill any of those people."

"Do you promise I won't be cold anymore if I don't?"

Kit nodded. "Yes, I promise."

It was silent for a moment. "Then I promise as well."

Kit wasn't an idiot. She knew the Dalek could lie. She knew it could leave and destroy the whole planet but something was telling her that it was telling the truth.

They were quiet for a moment, just staring up at the blue sky that they could just see.

Finally, it spoke. "How does it feel?"

"What?"

"How does the sunlight feel?"

Suddenly it did something she had never seen before; it opened it's middle and dome section to reveal an one-eyed octopus looking creature. It moved one of its tendrils towards the light.

Kit was surprised. She had never seen the inside of a Dalek. If she was honest with herself, she never thought there was more to a Dalek. She thought what she saw was it. No wonder they needed the armor, they were no threat outside of it.

"Kit!" Someone shouted her name.

She turned around to see the Doctor and Rose running towards her. They stopped a few feet in front of her and Kit noticed the Doctor had some sort of weapon with him. It wasn't raised but he did hold it firmly in his hand, his knuckle even turning white. The way his stood told her that he was ready to fight if he had to.

"Kit, are you alright?" He asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. It hasn't hurt me. It doesn't want to."

The Doctor looked over to the Dalek. "What's it doing?"

"It wants to feel the sun."

"But it can't."

"But it does. I was able to convince it not to kill Van Statten. It hasn't killed me yet and it doesn't want to destroy the world," Kit explained.

"But why?"

"Because… because it doesn't want to feel cold."

"See, Doctor? It's changing. We don't need to kill it," Rose piped in.

The Doctor looked between Kit and Rose and then at the Dalek. He looked confused. For once Kit could tell that the Doctor didn't know what to do next, that he had no plan.

"Why do we survive?" The Dalek finally spoke.

There was a moment of silence before the Doctor spoke. "I don't know."

"I am the last of the Daleks," it said sadly.

"You're not even that. Kit was right. You're turning human thanks to Rose DNA."

Rose looked between the two. "Isn't that better?"

The Doctor shook his head. "Not for a Dalek."

"I can feel so many ideas. So much darkness." It looked at Kit. "Cold. I still feel so cold. Make it stop."

Kit was taken aback by its request. "I'm sorry. I can't—I'm not able—You're becoming human. There's nothing I can do."

"Then I must die."

Kit eyes widened. She should feel happy that it wanted to die. She should feel relieved that she didn't have to deal with the Dalek any more but she didn't. She didn't want it to die.

"But you don't have to," Kit stressed.

"Yes I do. This is not life. This is sickness. I shall not be like you. Now order me to die."

"What?! No!"

"Yes! I need orders! I need to feel like a Dalek once again," It cried.

Kit looked over at the Doctor for help but he was to focused on the Dalek. His face was masked by complete shock.

Kit breathed in deeply and closed her eyes trying to think. What was the right thing to do? What was worse, killing it or letting it be miserable for the rest of its life? Was she in the right to do either? She wanted to be mad. This wasn't fair. She didn't want to choose like this… not again. It wasn't the right choice last time but would this be different?

Kit opened her eyes and stared at the Dalek. "Fine. Do it."

It was quiet for a moment. "Do you still hate me?"

"No, not you. I don't think I hate you."

"What do you feel right now?" It asked.

"Sadness."

"And?"

"Fear."

"You are frightened?"

"Yes."

It didn't say anything for quite some time, just started up at the sun.

"So am I." It closed its eye. "Exterminate."

Kit backed away from it as it closed up its armor. It then rose up into the air. The balls on its lower body spread out around it creating a force field. Before she could even contemplate what was happening, the Dalek exploded inside the force field and then disappear.

All of them stared at the empty space left by it. Kit suddenly felt very heavy. Memories of all the bad she has ever done came flooding into her head. Tears started to blur her vision. She killed it. Again, in the span of a couple of days, she was unable to save someone. Her legs went weak and she fell to the ground.

"Kit!" She heard the Doctor shout.

She tried to say she was alright but nothing came out. Her mouth was so dry all of a sudden. She suddenly felt someone pick her up bridle style. She realized it was the Doctor.

"It's okay," he reassured her. "It'll be okay."

She hoped he was right because it definitely didn't feel okay.

…

"A little piece of home. Better than nothing," The Doctor muttered looking up at the Tardis.

They had walked back to Tardis in silence, the Doctor caring her the whole way. Everyone was so deep in thought and no one wanted to share what they were thinking.

When they arrived at the Tardis, the Doctor finally put Kit down. Her legs were a bit wobbly but she was able to stand all the same. Her mind felt weak but she was able to gain her composer as they walked by.

"Is that the end of it, the Time War?" Rose asked.

The Doctor nodded sadly. "I'm the only one left. I win. How about that?"

"The Dalek survived. Maybe some of your people did too."

"I'd know. In here." He pointed to his head. "Feels like there's no one."

Kit bit her lip. She thought about the Master. He might be alone for now but not forever. Soon they would meet. That she knew for sure.

"Well then, good thing we're not going anywhere," Rose tried. "Right, Kit?"

Kit forced a smile. "Right, not like I have anywhere to go anyways."

"Yeah," The Doctor simply said.

He didn't look very convince but why should he? Companions tended to come and go, even she knew that. Kit knew especially that Rose would be gone eventually.

Suddenly someone came running up behind them. It was Adam. She really didn't want to deal with this guy any longer.

"We'd better get out. Van Statten's disappeared. They're closing down the base. Goddard says they're going to fill it full of cement, like it never existed," Adam told them.

"Thank God," Kit muttered.

"I'll have to go back home."

"Better hurry up then. Next flight to Heathrow leaves at fifteen hundred hours," the Doctor told him, visibly annoyed.

"Adam was saying that all his life he wanted to see the stars," Rose piped in.

"Oh yeah, I remember that conversation. I'm pretty sure I said he can't," Kit argued.

"And I remember saying it wasn't up to you. Adam should be able to see the stars," Rose retorted.

"Then he can go outside."

Rose glared at her. "He's all on his own and he did help."

"He left Kit down there," the Doctor cut in

"So did I… and you."

The Doctor seemed to not like the comment and looked like he wanted to argue.

"What're you talking about? We've got to leave!" Adam interrupted.

"Plus, he's a bit pretty," the Doctor commented.

"I hadn't noticed," Rose replied which caused Kit to snort. "Shut up."

The Doctor shook his head an sighed. "On your own head."

"What? You're agreeing to let him come?" Kit questioned in annoyance.

"Don't worry Kit. It'll be one trip," the Doctor told her unlocking the Tardis.

"Not if Rose can help it," she muttered.

"I heard that!" Rose shouted.

They all went inside. Adam stayed outside watching in confusion.

"What're you doing? She said cement. She wasn't joking. We're going to get sealed in. Doctor? Kittredge? What're you doing standing inside a box? Rose?"

Kit rolled her eyes. "Just get in here, Mr. I-almost-started-world-war-three."

He started to walk inside. "I don't understand how being in a—" His eyes went wide when he was fully inside. "Oh my God!"

"Welcome to the Tardis!" Rose introduced happily as the Tardis started up.

"But—but that's impossible. It can't be—it's bigger on the inside!"

"Glad your eyes work," Kit said under her breath so only the Doctor could hear. The Doctor laughed silently.

"That's not all," Rose continued. "It's a space ship that can travel though time and space."

Adams jaw dropped. "T—time? Space? And you're aliens?"

"The Doctor is. I'm not though and neither is Kittredge."

Adam shook his head. "I can't believe this!"

Adam walked up the ramp slowly taking in his surroundings. He was in awe when he saw the console. He moved his hand to touch a part of it but the Doctor grabbed his wrist before he could.

"No touching!" He snapped.

Adam gulped seeing the annoyance and anger in the Doctors eyes. "Right, sorry."

Rose took Adams other hand. "Come on, I'll show you the rest."

"There's more?" He asked in astonishment.

Instead of answering, Rose just dragged Adam out of the control room and down the hall. Kit rolled her eyes as she watched them go. She turned to tell the Doctor something but noticed how he stared at where they left.

"You know you didn't have to let him come," Kit told him softly, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Rose would never forgive me if I didn't. Plus, she looked so… happy," he replied.

"Man, you really like her, don't you?"

The Doctor straightened. "Of course not! She's just a human. Just a pink and yellow human and nothing more."

Kit tried to hide her grin. "Right, whatever helps you sleep at night."

The Doctor just shook his head. They were silent for a moment or two. It was obvious to her that the Doctor wanted to say something. So she waited until he spoke.

"You know, what happened to the Dalek isn't your fault," he finally said.

Kit shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "It sure feels like my fault. I did give it the order to kill itself."

"It wanted to die and you heard what it said, it wanted to feel like a Dalek again."

"Still, maybe I could have—"

"Kit," the Doctor warned, coming over to stand in front of her. "You have to stop blaming yourself for things you have no control over. Stop beating yourself up. You may actually be worse then me."

Kit shook her head. "You always have control over the things you do. You always have a choice. I had a choice!"

"And to me it was the right choice." He put his hand on her shoulder. "Look, a Dalek with emotion is like a human without. It doesn't feel right. It's wrong. Maybe that's not how we see it but that's how they think."

There was a pregnant pause before Kit spoke softly. "Have you ever been cold, Doctor? Like heart feels almost black, type of cold. The type of cold you get from… doing wrong."

The Doctors face grew grim. "Yes."

"Me too." She could tell the Doctor was studying her. "I think Daleks are always cold. I think this Dalek turned human and realized it didn't like it. I think it wanted it gone forever but didn't know how. I think it thought killing itself was the only way to warmth."

Kit looked up at the Doctor to see his eyes vacant and hollow. She knew she struck a cord with him. She didn't mean to. She completely forgot this Doctor just came out of the Time War.

"You just might be right, Kit. No one wants to be that cold."