Chapter 37: Play It, Sam but I Forgot How It Goes

A/N- Hey everyone! I'm back with a new chapter. Sorry it's taken me so long. School took a lot out of me this year but I'm done and graduated. I've also finally got over my horrible writer's block so I'm back on the writing train. Hopefully, you like this chapter. Remember, don't forget to review. I always love seeing peoples comments.

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, it belongs to BBC

Alone- Trampled By Turtles

You come into the world alone

And you go out of the world alone

But in between, there's you and me

Kit had barely stepped in the Tardis when she asked, "What about Jack?"

She didn't mean to be so impatient and straightforward with the question. It was just that the Doctor had been rambling on happily about everything that had happened and had not mentioned Jack once. She was happy for the Doctor, she really was. He deserved a win especially since this Doctor had just ended the Time War. He deserved to have a moment where he didn't lose someone but that was just it, Jack was still gone.

It worried her that he hadn't mentioned him. Before the Doctor didn't seem bothered and she trusted him that Jack would be alright but he seemed to be avoiding the mention of him.

The Doctor sighed as he started up the Tardis. "You couldn't let me stay happy for a little bit longer?"

Kit gulped. "So we should be worried? We should be sad?"

The Doctor watched Kit. "I thought you didn't like the captain?"

She crossed her arms. "I didn't say that. I just said he was annoying which he still is." She rubbed her arm nervously. "He just… needs to be alive… you know?"

The Doctor nodded understanding what she was saying.

"Can we save him?" Rose piped in. "Is it possible?"

"I never said it wasn't," he shrugged.

Kit was watching him now. "But you said—"

"I said I wanted to stay happy, I didn't say I couldn't save him. He annoys me. I'm going to be grumpy."

Kit smiled widely. "So he's going to be okay?"

The Doctor gave her a small smile and nodded. "He's going to be okay."

"And how are we going to save him exactly?" Rose asked.

"I have my ways," he told them as he started to run around the console. "I just need two seconds." He suddenly flipped a switched and music started playing like the one Jack had played. "Little music while we wait."

As the music played, Rose started to sway. "You know we never got to finish our dance."

The Doctor flipped one last switch and then turned to Rose. "There's no time like the present."

Kit looked between the two in disgust. "I'd like to remind everyone that I'm still here and I don't like being the third wheel."

The Doctor smiled at her. "Then you need to find yourself a partner."

"And where am I going to find one?" She questioned, crossing her arms.

"Just open the doors," he nodded towards them.

Kit gave him a curious look as he stepped forward to Rose. Kit rolled her eyes and turned away not wanting to watch. She went over to the doors and opened them. She expected to see the beautiful colours of space but instead, she saw the interior of Jacks ship.

She smiled. Jack was sitting in the captain's chair drinking a martini. He wore a somber expression. She figured he realized he was going to die. Well, Kit was more than happy to get rid of that thought.

"Is that what you do all day in your ship? Drink?" She teased getting his attention.

He snapped his head towards her. "Kittredge?" He looked past her to where the Doctor and Rose were dancing. "Rose? Doctor?"

"Well? Are you coming?" Kit grinned.

Jack nodded eagerly and rushed inside the Tardis. He looked around in awe. He watched the Doctor and Rose try and fail to dance with a confused expression.

"Okay. And right and turn. Okay, okay, try and spin me again, but this time don't get my arm up my back," Rose tried to instruct as the Doctor danced with her awkwardly. "No extra points for a half-nelson."

The Doctor shrugged. "I'm sure I used to know this stuff." He turned to Jack. "Close the door, will you? Your ship's about to blow up. There's going to be a draught."

The captain jumped and closed the doors that were behind him. The Doctor nodded happily and started up the Tardis.

"Welcome to the Tardis," the Doctor announced.

"Much bigger on the inside," Jack observed looking over the place.

"You'd better be," the Doctor joked causing Jack to frown.

Rose shook her head and moved towards Jack. "I think what the Doctor's trying to say is you may cut in." She held out her hand for Jack.

Kit doubted that's what the Doctor meant. She was sure the Doctor wasn't too happy with having his dance cut short. This suspicion was proven right when the music suddenly changed into something more upbeat before Jack and Rose could start dancing.

"Rose! I've just remembered!" He beamed.

"What?"

The Doctor started to dance a little better than before. "I can dance! I can dance!"

Rose shifted slightly towards Jack. "Actually, Doctor, I thought Jack might like this dance."

Jack cracked a smile. "It's okay, Rose. Dance with the Doctor for this one. Little Red here owes me a dance anyways."

Kit snapped her head to him. "What?"

"You said so back on my ship."

"I didn't mean it!"

Jack shrugged and grabbed her hand. "Too late, Little Red."

Jack spun her around and Kit couldn't help but laugh. She thought Rose would be upset by this but when she looked over to Rose, she was happily dancing with the Doctor. There is a wide smile on her face as the Doctor dipped her.

"Like I said before," Jack whispered in her ear. "I know when I'm beat. Plus, I'd rather dance with my favourite girl."

Kit rolled her eyes. "You're not flirting are you because that would be weird."

Jack laughed loudly. "No flirting, I swear. You remind me of my brother a lot in fact."

Kit watched as a dark cloud seemed to descend in his eyes. "What happened to him?"

"Who said anything happened to him?"

She gave him a pointed look. "Because I know that look. The look of loss and regret."

Jack's face was a mix of emotions before he finally forced a smile. "Doesn't matter. I'd rather dance than talk about my boring life." He spun her around again. His face grew serious again. "But just know, I won't let what happened to him happen to you."

Kit watched him but then nodded. "I believe you."

He gave her a stiff nod and then grinned. "You're not a dancer, are you?"

She rolled her eyes. "My life never required a lot of dancing."

"Doesn't matter if it does or doesn't, you should always know how to dance. Good thing you have a good partner."

Before Kit could make a snarky remark, he picked her up and spun her around causing her to laugh. At that moment she forgot what she was going to say. She decided not to talk and just let Jack teach her how to dance. The Doctor needed a win today but she needed this simple thing of dancing with a new friend.

They stayed like this for some time. All of them just joking and laughing. It felt weirdly normal and, if she was honest with herself, it felt right. At that moment, she wasn't thinking about her next move. She wasn't thinking about her Doctor and how much she missed him. She wasn't thinking about this Doctor and the cold shoulder he had been giving her. She wasn't thinking about the future or the past but simply, for once in her short life, thinking about the present. The simple state of existing right now. She knew she was going to have to think about it soon but at least for now she could just enjoy herself. Of course nothing last forever.

The fun was interrupted but a big yawn from Jack. "I don't know about any of you but I've had an exhausting day thinking I was going to die several times. Do you have a bed anywhere or do you all just sleep here on the ground?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "We have beds. I'm sure the Tardis has your room ready."

Jack gave him a confused look. "What does that mean?"

The Doctor put a hand on Jacks' shoulder. "Let me show you." He turned to Rose and Kit. "I suggest you two get some sleep as well. We've had a long day."

The Doctor started to walk away with Jack and Rose followed but Kit stood there watching. She knew what he was doing. He was avoiding the talk he promised her they would have. She wasn't surprised but she was still disappointed. Kit sighed realizing she was back to being stressed.

She debated staying and waiting for him to come back but he was right, they did have a long day. Her body suddenly felt heavy with this realization. She was exhausted. Maybe if she was feeling more refreshed and energized, she could properly talk to the Doctor. Maybe tomorrow she could but she knew, in reality, he would keep avoiding it.

...

Kit repositioned herself in her bed for the hundredth time. She thought the moment she got under the covers, she would fall asleep straight away but that was not the case. Her mind wouldn't shut up. No matter how much she tried she just couldn't seem to relax. She just kept thinking about the Doctor and the conversation she so desperately wanted to have.

She sat up and groaned knowing that she wasn't going to sleep until she talked with the Doctor. She got out of bed and grabbed her housecoat. She stepped out of her room. She knew the Doctor would still be up and she knew he would be in the control room fixing the Tardis to try to control any wandering thoughts.

She made her way to that location. It didn't take long for her to get to the control room. It took less time than usual and she knew that the Tardis wanted her to find the Doctor too.

When she entered the control room she saw the Doctor with his sonic muttering to himself as he attached two wires together on the console.

"You know it's funny," she said interrupting him in his work. His head snapped towards her and she suddenly felt less confident about seeing him. "I've spent years watching you work on the Tardis. You still have the same facial expression as all the Doctors I've had."

"I am the same person as all those regenerations," he replied as he watched her carefully.

She smiled sadly. "Yeah, I know. Sometimes it's hard to remember.

He sighed and put down his sonic. "What are you doing here, Kittredge?"

She frowned when she heard her full name. "Couldn't sleep."

He looked her up and down. "I can tell." He then cracked a smile and shook his head.

"What?" She questioned.

"Nothing… it's just you look so small like this. You look so much like a child with housecoat, pajamas, and bare feet."

Her frown deepened. "I am a child."

"I know but you make it so hard to remember."

She rubbed her arms suddenly feeling cold. "I guess I've just had to grow up fast."

"Thanks to me," he concluded, looking down with a pained expression.

Kit pressed her lips into a thin line. "I didn't exactly have a good start on life, Doctor. If I was with you or not, wouldn't have changed me having to grow up."

He didn't look convinced. "I suppose."

Kit sighed. She walked up to the captain's chair and sat down. She was having trouble understanding why the Doctor was so focused on this.

"I never told you about the family I was with before I met you, did I?" She began. He shook his head. "When I was three I was placed with this foster family that was the type of people to foster kids to get the money. They didn't really care about us. I was left to my own devices on most days. When the family did give us some sort of attention…" she paused, her jaw clenched. "Well, it wasn't the good kind."

"I'm sorry," he said sympathetically and she knew he meant it.

She nodded. "When I was five some of my foster siblings wanted out. They were going to run away and they were nice enough to take me with them. So we did. We hid away for some time, moving from one place to the next. That's when I met you. I found your sonic and thought I could sell it or something." She laughed humorlessly. "I was only five. I had no idea how things worked. But you found me and well, the rest is history. What I'm trying to say, Doctor is that you saved me from a rough life. As much as being with you is hard at times, at least I was always with someone who cared about me." She swallowed a lump in her throat. "Someone who loved me."

The Doctor sighed. He rounded the console and sat down beside her. He didn't say anything for a minute, he just stared straight ahead.

When he finally looked at her, he said, "You scare me, Kit"

"I know," she told him truthfully. "You're scared because I know you in a way no one should. I scare you cause I understand you."

"Yes… and no. You scare me because here's this girl from my future that just shouldn't be," he confessed which confused Kit. "I would never take a little girl in knowing the life I have. Not at the age of five. Especially knowing the person I am. I could never be so domestic like you sometimes talk about." He shook his head. "So who am I in the future because I could never do that now. It scares me that I could change so much. You scare me because of what you represent."

Kit swallowed hard. "And what do I represent?"

He looked down at his hands in sadness. "Someone who has become okay with his mistakes. Someone who thinks they can let a life grow instead of just destroying them. You represent peace. My mind being at peace. And that's why I've pushed you away. It was like I needed to show my future self that we shouldn't feel this way. That we shouldn't ever feel at peace after what happened on Gallifrey. But no matter how much I tried, I just couldn't do that to you. I just can't."

Kit's mind of a complete swirl of thoughts. All those thoughts and she couldn't express one. She couldn't talk. She didn't know where to start or how to feel. She had no idea that was how he felt. This whole time she thought he was angry with her but he was just scared. What could she possibly say that could make things better?

"I'm sorry," was all she managed to get out.

He scoffed. "Why? You didn't ask to be here."

"I know, I just—I—I'm…" She really was at a loss for words. She sighed. "I wish I could've reasoned with the Tardis, got her to bring a different companion back instead of me. I mean, there're probably loads better than me. I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

The Doctor shrugged. "And anyone else would? You've been put in a tough situation, Kit."

"Maybe." Kit sighed. "What happens now? I mean, will you always be scared of me? Should I expect the cold shoulder for now on?"

He didn't say anything for a moment. "I shouldn't be at peace for what I did. I shouldn't stop being guilty for killing…" He drifted off looking unsure if he should continue.

"For killing your people?" She finished for him earning her an uneasy expression. "Yeah, I'm aware of that. But what if I told you that… things would work out," she spoke slowly watching her words. "That things would be okay."

"I would say you have no idea what you're talking about," he said with an edge to his voice.

Kit shrugged not backing down. "I am from your future though."

"I know," he said through his teeth.

Kit frowned slightly. "So you are going to be giving me the cold shoulder."

The Doctors face softened. "I… don't want to. It's not me getting angry at you. It's me getting angry—"

"At your future self," Kit finished. "And I'm the next best thing."

"Which isn't fair to you."

She laughed humorlessly. "Nothing in my life has ever seemed fair."

He watched her carefully. "That's not what I want for you though. I'll try. I promise I'll try to separate you from my future self just—just give me time."

"Time," she thought out loud. "Guess I have all the time in the world right now. Unless of course, I die before then."

"Kittredge," the Doctor warned.

"Sorry. Joking," she forced a smile. She was only really half joking. She had a gut feeling something bad would happen soon but she didn't voice it. "But if I give you time you have to promise to try."

He nodded. "I promise."

They were silent for a minute or two. She was slightly relieved. The conversation went better than she thought. She was glad she met this Doctor. This Doctor was a bit more willing to express himself than hers.

"I better head to bed. Long day," she finally said after some time. She stood up and headed out the control room but then stopped. "Goodnight, Doctor."

He nodded and gave her a small smile. "Goodnight, Kittredge."