For years Carlton Lassiter hid his feelings in layers of hatred but that wasn't the tiny bit true. It started off with annoyance as they always do. The fake found ways to make his blood boil. And the day came that Drimmer tried to kill him and Shawn Spencer. A switch flipped on him, turning all his pure annoyance into something else that he tried so gratefully to hide from Spencer. He knew the Psychic found comfort in Juliet O'Hara, his junior partner. Honestly he didn't know when the feelings started appearing. All the head detective knew was it hit hard when Shawn decided to move to San Francisco with O'Hara. It wasn't like he wasn't expecting the Psychic to move on, start a life with his partner. So the day Juliet told him that Shawn was going to live up there with her… he was a little blindsided. Carlton's eyes fluttered with surprise and unknowingly when his arms held Spencer into a hug made a heart thump in the chest cavity.
Marlowe reminded Lassiter so much of a certain someone. His sister, Lauren pointed it out one night after he and his wife took Lily to see the family. "Carlton, don't you see it?" He remembered what his little sister said as she held baby Lily in her arms. "See what?"
"Doesn't your wife remind you of someone? That exact person that you rag on about."
He laughed in disbelief." Lulu!" His words came through as sputters. "Sweet Justice, are you high?!"
Bouncing Lily on her hip, Lauren sighed." No. I'm not high, big brother. You do realize your wife is basically a female carbon-copy of Shawn Spencer, the "Psychic" you've been secretly pining for seven-eight years? I thought the Chief would already know that."
Lassiter choked on air." I-I what?!" Lauren quickly gave him the water bottle and when he could speak again, shaking his head. "Spencer?! He's with O'Hara and—"
"—And that bothers you because you have feelings for Shawn." His sister cut him off before he could finish.
Carlton scoffed, picking up Lily in a hurry. "I do not. I've never had feelings and won't ever have feelings for that fraud!" Marlowe was waiting for him in the car, knowing that Lassiter wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.
"You sound like that Dr. Suess book, Green Eggs & Ham!" Lauren's annoying comment was the last thing his ears heard before the door slammed shut behind him.
He got Lily's car-seat strapped in the backseat of Vic. "What does Dr. Suess have to do with this nonsense?" Marlowe caught her husband's look on his face and wondered.
Although Carlton never said a single utterance about whatever disagreement he and Lauren had. Once everyone was secure Lassiter put the car in drive and sped away from Lauren's house filled with questions. Unknown to his own denial, maybe Lauren had been right but Chief Carlton Lassiter would never agree to those unspeakable terms.
Flashing forward that fateful moment, Chief Lassiter walks into the station after dropping his daughter off at daycare. The daycare that he spent hours background searching. It was in his DNA, being thorough made him the best Chief at SBPD.
"What's this?" His eyes peered down at Dobson's computer monitor.
"I don't know." He added in a confused manner.The Chief glanced at the now blank-screen."The guy hasn't said one word to me in eight years, and then he sends me a good-bye video. It's really weird."
Lassiter gave a mere shrug." Not really." It sounded like something Spencer would do. Hell Spencer even admitted he was having difficulty telling Guster he's leaving. The Psychic couldn't even tell him himself how shallow he is. He found out through O'Hara. With an uneasiness in the man's chest, Lassiter spotted that same looking Disc case on his desk. Settling into the chair, placing the Disc into the slot and watched as Shawn Spencer appeared upon his screen.
"Carlton Lassiter." He paused." Chief Lassie. The Lord of Sternbush. I am proud, honored, and… baffled to call you my friend. But it's true." Unable to make his mouth form words, Carlton swallows, waiting anxiously for something he knew was coming. Shawn Spencer's eyes drew closer.
"It's also true that you might be the only other person on the planet who loves Jules as much as I do. Even though it's different. You've always had her back, and for that, I feel I owe you more than the others, so… time to come clean." Chuckling nervously, drawing in a breath. "Regarding my methods and the way that I solve cases, you're the only one that's ever suspected that, uh…" Chief watched as the real Shawn Spencer came to life on screen, his nervous chuckle sent Lassiter's spine chills. "The truth is, I am not--" Hearing enough, Carlton decided he didn't want to know Spencer's truth, ejected the Disc, looked at his hands before a crack noise spread throughout the walls and tossed the cracked truth into a wastebasket beside him.
He didn't have long to let the words sink in before his new Head Detective knocked on the door. She wanted to place MCNabb as her junior detective although Lassiter wasn't for it the newbie had been persistent.
He finished his conversation and called up his wife, the only way to cope with the strange goodbye. "Hey, put the baby on the phone." There was a shuffling before he heard his baby babble at the sound of his voice. "Hello Lilly. This is your daddy." His head fell against the headrest, smiling as part of him began to wonder if Lauren had been right.
Six years later after the goodbye Spencer sent Lassiter had gotten shot causing his whole life to flip upside down. What Lassie hadn't known that Spencer had said more in the video Carlton would've known too but he stopped it.
"Gus!" Shawn gasped in horror." Lassie's been shot!"
The first thing Shawn did was hop into Gus' car along with Jules. He hasn't spoken to the man in six years and Lassie has to go and get himself shot! Shawn's stomach churned as they waited for Lassie's doctor to tell if he was going to live. "Mr. Lass--"
"Detective." He corrected shortly, ignoring the shocked looks he had gotten the group beside Gus.
"Sorry, Detective. As I was saying, Detective Lassiter has suffered a stroke due to being shot six times." Jules' hand grasped his tightly. "He might never be the same." Even though he's no longer Head Detective in Shawn's mind he still is.
Jules' eyes teared up." Will he ever walk again?"
It took everything in Shawn not to fall apart on the spot. He had to be strong for Jules. He and Jules ended up marrying each other after Alison was finally gone and the ring was returned to him.
Shawn played those words in his mind over the next several days Chief Carlton Lassiter was placed into a fancy hospital. Shawn helped save him from the hospital that tried to kill him.
"Thank you, Spencer. I thought I was going to never be free."
Shawn smiled kindly." Always a pleasure, Lassie."
"How did you know?" As an old habit Shawn's hand went to his head. "Spencer, seriously."
"Gus and I figured out Dolores O'Riordan was evil at Viking bar. It turned out you figured it out yourself, Lassie."
Carlton sighed." After I stopped taking those meds my vision cleared." He turned to Shawn, noticing something bugging the fake Psychic. "Spencer…" Shawn had stayed quieter than normal. Maybe he had mellowed out over the years, but this was different. "Why haven't you… never mind."
Confusion overtook the Chief."Why haven't I what?"
Shawn shook his head." You already know."
"Know what, Spencer?" Lassiter looked at Spencer in confusion. "My confession in that video I sent." Lassiter continued to stare." Screw this." He watched as Spencer- Shawn headed toward the door. "Spencer, wait!" He looked up at Lassie, his hand seconds away from the door knob. "Sweet justice, what are you talking about?"
"You don't know? I told you everything in that video, I'm not Psychic." Silence hung in the air. "I-I never watched it, Spencer."
"You never-- so you don't know I said something else?"
"What else had you said?"
Shawn chuckled harshly, tears stinging his eyes , stunning Carlton." Forget it." He threw open the door, "if it wasn't important enough for you to watch til the end… I guess I know my answer."
Shawn left through the door and slammed it behind him, Lassiter laid in bed, shellshocked on what just happened. One minute he was thanking Spencer and the next Shawn was spewing about something. He knew Shawn wasn't Psychic, what else was on that video. He pulled out his bag after Shawn had left his house while Marlowe took Lilly to dance class. In a hidden compartment was a taped up disc, he didn't think it would work. So he did the next best thing.
"Guster, what's Spencer talking about?"
"L-Lassie?" He could hear the surprise in the other male's tone. It wasn't very often he would call Guster. Usually Spencer would call him
"Yes, It's Lassiter. Now tell me what Spencer's going on about." He demanded, getting much more annoyed than before.
"Uh… Lassie I think you should ask Shawn, it's not my place."
"I tried. He stormed out before I had the chance. I didn't know there was more… I kinda… snapped it."
"You broke it? So you didn't hear his confession?" He groaned. Hasn't Guster been listening? He just told him. Carlton began to tell Burton what happened. "No wonder Shawn's upset. You really should've kept watching."
"I already know he's not Psychic. I didn't want to send him to jail… I guess he's not so bad after all, O'Hara matured him."
"That's not what he's upset about, Lassiter."
"Well what else?" There was a deep sigh from the other end. "Well?"
"I have a backup disc Shawn sent me just in case."
"Alright…" Carlton started feeling anxious. "Bring it in by 9 sharp tomorrow." He hung up, staring up at the ceiling. Why was Spencer upset?
—xxx—
The next day after Guster dropped off the spare as promised. Lassiter fast-forward to where he stopped the first time six years before. Since then he and Marlowe's daughter was six, Spencer and O'Hara were married but it was all about to switch. He pressed play and let the video begin.
"—The truth is, I am not Psychic, Lassie. I know you've known for years, been trying to set me behind bars well since the beginning. I told the truth that day you arrested me. I can read guilt off people because I have photographic memory. I remember and hear anything I see or hear. My mother has where she can just remember everything just by hearing. I came up with the Psychic thing because I knew you would never believe me."
At this point in the video Lassiter could see Shawn's eyes starting to shine. Were those tears? For him? Had he caused Spencer to feel this way?
"It was fun at first I will admit. I walked into Gus' job saying we were going to play detective and he went along with it after a lot of convincing. I forced people to go along with it… even Jules who broke up with me because of my lying ways. My dad wanted me to be just like him since I was six, he told me to count hats and with pretty almost perfect memory recall. I never wanted to be like him." He paused, licking his lips. "But… I did. Without the academy and training I was a detective. I solved cases for fun. I-I also wanted to stay close to…"
The Shawn on screen voice cracked."… you." Chief Lassiter's eyes shot open. Had he heard that right?" "Who wouldn't be? I have a confession to make. I didn't just move away from Santa Barbara to be with Jules… I needed a break from seeing the man I love… you are happily married and have a kid."
Carlton's mouth hung wide-open, taking in the truth behind Shawn's eyes. Shawn's in love with him? "I have been in-love with you since I met you… well I didn't know then. I called Jules to tell her goodbye that day I was shot, but the one I wanted to call was you. I realized it was you all along even when you tried to arrest me, I couldn't stop the way-how I feel for you. Now I have a question for you."
He had a question for himself? Why didn't he watch? Lauren had been right. Marlowe was the replacement for Shawn. He thought Shawn didn't or wouldn't ever feel that way for him. He and his wife had split up.
"You don't love me, Carlton."
"What are you talking about? Of course I love you."
Shaking her head, Marlowe said tearfully." It was just convenient for you. I'm not the person you truly want, I'm the copy."
Carlton scoffed." Have you been talking to Lulu?"
"No. I saw the way you looked after he left. You were heartbroken. I'm not the person you are in-love with. You love Shawn, Carlton!"
"What that's crazy he's…"
Marlowe grabbed him by the sides of his shoulders, cupping his cheeks with her hands and softly uttered." You love him, Carlton and that's okay. I know you are pan-sexual. It's okay to love him." She wiped the last of her tears from her face and waved a sad goodbye on her way out the door.
"If you have watched from beginning to the end, Do you feel the same way? If you do, I will tell Jules I can't stay with her. I will make you mine." The man sighed, tearfully with a sniffle." But if you don't, I'll understand. Please say you love me too, otherwise I'm just a stupid hopelessly in-love loser from those romantic comedies Jules and secretly Gus loves. If you do, you can ask Gus for further instructions."
The screen goes dark, leaving Lassiter completely out of words, burning eyes and a lot of emotions he hasn't released.
Maybe somehow he gave Spencer the impression that there was something between them. For example, Despereaux, that criminal low-life gave Spencer some sorta egotistical man-crush that caused Lassiter crazy. At first he thought Spencer was just acting like a wanna-be low-life, but it all changed when Despereaux suddenly passed away, Shawn almost looked heartbroken.. he's heard over the years from Henry's long rants about how Spencer didn't handle death well. So that would explain his sudden concern for Carlton. O'Hara told him that Shawn didn't handle his stroke very well which surprised the Chief. Then he was reminded of Henry Spencer's close-call with Jerry. Shawn went legit crazy, putting himself and Guster in unnecessary dangerous situations. It was typically common for Shawn to go head-to-head with armed criminals without a second thought.
Yet never in his life had he thought Shawn felt this way or his joking was remotely serious and genuine. All he knew now he had fucked up royally and didn't know even where to start on fixing his mistakes without causing collateral damage.
How could he make-up for his oblivion? Guster of course knew what Spencer was saying. He had freaking proof, access and all Lassiter knew was Shawn loved him or maybe still does.
—xxx—
"And…" Under the large blanket came a muffled voice. Gus rolled his eyes when he spotted the three empty soda bottles littering around his feet. He knew Shawn was broken up about the fact Lassiter didn't even watch his full-confession but this seemed too much.
"Dude. This place is a pigsty, Shawn." Gus commented with a stench face.
The blanket flew up, revealing a red eyed Shawn. He looked miserable and you could see the lack of sleep in his eyes. "So what, Gus." Shawn's reply was half-hearted at best. Which caused his friend to sigh loudly. "I have nobody to impress."
Gus cleared his throat." What about your wife?"
"Jules. Yeah right, Jules, how can I keep forgetting?" His best friend could tell the tone was all sarcastic. "I mean I do love her…"
"…just not in-love with her." Gus finished his thought for Shawn.
It took a minute for Shawn to respond." Yeah."
The doorbell rang, stirring Shawn and Gus from their thoughts as Shawn's wife appeared. Jules came in with a bottle of wine to celebrate their big win. "Hey guys, look what I--" Her eyes peered down catching the messy room. "Looks like you and Gus had a soda drinking contest again." Unable to speak up for himself, Gus nodded while Shawn joked along with Jules.
"You know that's right, Gusy here didn't even beat my record." Shawn lied easily, while Guster shot a glare in Shawn's direction. Shawn and Gus had their usual silent agreement behind Juliet's back which ended with Gus finally answering.
"You know that Shawn is unbeatable." Gus' stare said' if you weren't broken-hearted right now, I would so get you for that' while Jules laughed.
"Well, who wants wine?!"
Lazily Shawn nodded his head, accepting the glass from his wife and downing it without hesitation. He still couldn't believe what the last few days have been like. First catching Lassie's attempted murderer, then finding out why Lassiter didn't ever respond. He was unbelievably hurt by Carlton's actions. The man he thought he was apparently wasn't who Shawn thought. The man who Shawn loved would never hurt him like that. Jules kept a curious eye on him as they drank. Although Shawn didn't care at the moment. Drinking in silence was alright with him. Unfortunately his photographic memory didn't allow that. So he downed another glass, earning concerned looks from the other two people in the room.
—xx—PSYCH—-xx—
Staring at the bowl empty, unable to force himself to eat, Carlton sighed. He hardly slept last night, couldn't stop thinking about what Shawn said. While having a young daughter made him extra tired. He and Marlowe shared custody of Lily Lassiter. He wasn't prepared for the final meeting. Today was Lassiter's day with his daughter.
There was a knock at the door, interrupting any thoughts he once had. Carlton made his way to the door, swung open to find Marlowe's arms wrapped around the small child.
"Daddy!" His little girl squealed excitedly.
The little girl leaped from his soon-to-be ex wife's arms and threw her body at Carlton. This made Carlton forget his miseries for a second and held his daughter tightly to him.
"Hey, baby girl! Did you have a good time with mama?"
Lily half-shrugged with a smile. "Yes, Daddy! We went to see the animals."
"At the zoo?"
She shook her head." No, daddy. At the petting zoo, I even fed a goat out of my hand!"
Shaking his head at Marlowe, he smiled. "I'm glad you had fun, Lily." Turning slightly he added," How about you take your stuff back to your room while Mama and I talk."
"Okay, Daddy!" Lilly said before running upstairs as quick as her little legs could carry her.
Marlowe looked over at Carlton, noticing exhaustion hidden underneath his eyes. She had been worried about him lately. He left a short voicemail about something Shawn but it was all muffled. It seemed like Carlton was drunk.
She cleared her throat, catching Carlton's attention away. "So I talked to my lawyer and our papers should be finalized by the end of this week, for sure by Friday at the latest." The silence from Carlton didn't really help the awkwardness in the air. "Carlton…"
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
He walked over to his couch, plopped down. "No. I'm far from okay, Mar. My life is falling apart around me. I'm losing you and… S--" He cut himself off abruptly.
"Losing Shawn? What happened?"
"Apparently in the video he sent… he told me that he wasn't a Psychic."
Marlowe started toward the couch, sitting down next to him and rubbed his back affectionately. "I'm confused, I thought you knew that already."
He scoffed darkly. "I never believed it, Mar, but he also confessed that he was in-love with me. How could I not watch? I missed out on probably the best thing."
"Go talk to him."
Standing up with a vigorous head shake, Carlton huffed harshly. "I can't. He's got O'Hara. I can't ruin their marriage like I have with ours!"
"You didn't ruin our marriage. We were happy for a while, Carl. I always knew deep down that I wasn't the only one who had your heart. I ignored it every time Shawn would interrupt your face-time video chats with Juliet. Your face would light up even though you never knew. It's okay."
"You don't understand, I won't be the reason, Marlowe. Juliet is my confident, my best friend and stealing her husband would ruin everything. I won't be responsible for that!"
Before giving up, Marlowe stopped at the door, turned toward him and said one last thing," Just think about it, Carl. You will regret letting him slip through your fingers again. I know you're afraid of destroying relationships with Juliet and Shawn, but think of your happiness is it worth being alone because… just think about it." The door closed behind her, leaving Carlton to dwell with the words.
He had to make a choice even if that meant losing the two most important people in his life. Even if it meant their hearts broke. He guessed he had to finally face his calling. Even if Shawn and Juliet never forgave him, at least he gave it his all.