Does It Count as Eavesdropping if You're Comatose? by Emachinescat

A Psych Fan-Fiction

Summary: They say people who are comatose can still hear what is going on around them. This is what Shawn heard. Written for Febuwhump on Tumblr. Day 28: coma

A/N: This… this may be one of my favorite things I've ever written. It's definitely something I've never done before. What we have here is a series of one-sided conversations that a comatose Shawn hears over the course of his time in a coma. I don't explicitly say who anyone speaking is, but there are hints. Of course, the main goal of this was to get across who was talking by voices alone, so hopefully I pulled that off okay. If you guys want to take a guess in the comments at who is talking when, have at it! :)

I really hope you enjoy this piece. It was one of the most emotionally taxing, cathartic, and fulfilling pieces I've written in a long time. I hope that comes across when you read it.

Does It Count as Eavesdropping if You're Comatose?

Shawn?

Where's the doctor? I need to speak to him. Busy, my ass! My son is in a coma. I get that you're just doing your job. Just… find me someone who can give me an update. … Please.

Hey, bud. I, uh –

Shit.

Shawn, for the love of – what the hell did you think you were doing? Going off on your own like that, not telling anyone where you were going or what you were doing. You knew these people were dangerous, and you still… I know I taught you better than this.

Why, why do you never listen?

Hey, Shawn. Don't think that just because you're in a coma right now that we're going to let this go. You've pulled some stupid-ass stunts in your time, but this … this takes the cake. And you know you're supposed to share any cake you get with me. Fifty-fifty split.

We're partners, Shawn. Why did you go in alone?

Well, all I have to say is that you better wake up soon. The doctors say they are cautiously optimistic that you'll have a full recovery if you will just wake up. We're all well aware that you are the laziest time-waster in Santa Barbara, but just this once, will you prove us wrong?

…

Please, Shawn. You're my best friend. I … I can't lose you. Just. Just come back, okay?

The doctors said that you might be able to hear what we say to you. In my experience, doctors always say that, but, I don't know. It seems a little weird, don't you think? I mean, the thought of you lying there, so still that you might be … you know. Anyway. To think that you could actually be hearing everything I'm saying right now is…

It's actually a little bit embarrassing. Gosh, why do I always ramble like a moron when I'm nervous? This is worse than the movie theater, the first time I asked you out. Remember that? Now that was humiliating.

I know your dad and Gus have probably already given you enough lectures to fill up a novel, so I won't yell at you for being an impulsive, stupid idiot. Not yet.

For now, Shawn – his hand is really cold; is that normal? Should I call the doctor? No? – just know that I love you, with all my heart.

And that if you don't wake up soon, I'll kill you myself.

Mr. Spencer.

Shawn.

I… I apologize for not coming to see you sooner. It's no excuse, but we've been really busy. God knows how you did it, but you somehow managed to still get us the evidence we needed to take these guys down, even on death's door. These monsters have been tormenting a lot of very good people for far too long, and until you… did what you did, our hands were tied.

I suppose what I am saying is thank you.

It was incredibly stupid, and I – we all – wish you had never done it, but… thank you.

Wake up soon. That's an order.

Oh, hi, Henry – I was just stopping by for a moment. How are you holding up? Yes, I –

Hey, Goose.

I would have been here sooner, but I was stuck in New York. I was in for a conference, and my flight got delayed because of snow, but… but you don't really want to hear about that, do you?

You look good, considering. From the way your father talked, I thought you'd be wasting away. But your color is good. You don't have that gray pallor I've seen so often in those who have given up.

That means you're still fighting. And that's good.

If you're wondering where your dad is, don't worry. Juliet and Gus dragged him to the cafeteria for some actual food – or as close as you can get to real food in a hospital. Your father… That man, Shawn, I just don't think you know how much he cares about you. Not that it's your fault. Henry has never been good at showing how he feels.

Sometimes I wonder if that's why I married him, so long ago. Maybe I thought I could fix him. But you can't really fix people, can you, Goose? Not the way you'd like to.

The doctors are doing everything they can to fix you, Shawn. So don't give up.

Oh, here comes your father –

He's fine, Henry – did you eat something? Gus, did he actually eat something? What did he eat? Henry Spencer, coffee is not food! Good grief, I'll be right back...

Oh, Guster! I… I didn't know you would be here. I'll just… I was in the wrong room, that's all. Yeah, I was just visiting an old friend of the family. Who? None of your business, actually. Just a friend, who is not Spencer.

What do you mean, I should stay since I'm already here? Guster, I have important things to do, cases to solve, people to see! Well, I suppose… Just for a minute, do you understand me? This is ridiculous… Spencer butts his nose into my case, breaks the whole thing open, and damn near dies in the process…

Guster – where the hell are you going? You can't leave me alone with Spencer! … What do you mean, talk to him? Are you insane? I don't want to talk to him when he's awake, why would I –?

You don't have to shout. I'll stay while you step out.

But I won't talk to him.

…

…

Well, Spencer, this is a fine mess you've put yourself in.

I mean sweet justice, man, do you ever think about what you're doing? About how it will affect other people? The people who love you?

Not me, of course. You know I could care less about you. But my partner, your girlfriend, for some unfathomable reason, has chosen to be with you. To like you for – man, this is hard to say – to like you for who you are. I mean, have you met you? That's something that should never have happened, especially not after all the stupid stunts you've pulled over the years.

But it did. She… Juliet, she cares about you. A lot. If you could see just how much she's hurting right now…

Spencer, I once told you that if you hurt my partner, I'd kill you. Well, you've gone and done it. But I'm a fair man. Well, I can be a fair man if given the right circumstances. Okay, fine, I'm not exactly fair, but I do care about Juliet, so I will give you an ultimatum: If you go ahead and wake up, if you put a smile back on her face, then I will let you live. But you've got to do it soon, got it? No lollygagging like you usually do. Just…

Guster! You cannot just sneak up on a man like that! No, I wasn't talking to Shawn, don't be ridiculous. I'm on the phone with someone … Bluetooth.

What? NO! My eyes are not "misty." Good lord, man, not everyone is a crybaby like you. No, I'm not staying any longer! Dammit, Guster, I don't care –

Hey, Shawnie!

Look, this is a little awkward, I know, especially since I haven't really been in touch since the whole Buchard's treasure incident, but when your father finally got ahold of me, I rushed right over. Bygones, and all that, am I right?

Anywho… I brought you a penny. I know it's not much, but this one's special. It's a 1943 bronze Lincoln. One of the rarest out there. I've been holding onto it for a while, but I thought you could use a little luck. Well, a little more than a little, but…

Anyway, kiddo. I hate seeing you like this. I'm getting ready to go cliff diving in Peru, but I'll be here with you in spirit, you got that? Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone.

Or do. I guess if you're doing something stupid, then you're not sleeping anymore.

Damn it. I'm not good at this stuff.

See ya around, kid.

Hey, Shawn, my man! Long time, no see, huh? Do you mind if I eat something while we chat? Want a bite? It's your favorite…

No? Well, more for me, I suppose.

Hmmmm… your color looks less gray than last week. Maybe the doctors are right, maybe you really are recovering, but… I don't know. Gah, I really wish they'd let me take a crack at you – ah, I mean, examine you, just in case, but… Apparently "someone who spends all day with the dead isn't the right person to diagnose a living person, blah blah blah." Between you and me, friend, I think they're hiding something from us. It's a conspiracy. … Not like the Chief Vick is actually a time traveler conspiracy, mind you. A real one.

Ah, whatever. Whatever happens will happen, am I right, Shawn? I have to say, you're excellent company today! I do miss your witty retorts, but you've got that comforting presence I've come to expect from my friends in the morgue. They only get chatty when I haven't slept for four days straight.

Huh, you normally would've laughed at that.

Anyway, keep on keeping on! Whatever happens, whatever direction this thing ends up going, just know I've got your back. And if you don't make it in this world, well… let's just say I picked out the perfect body bag to carry you into the next. Spoiler alert: I embroidered this one myself!

Oh, and don't forget! I've called dibs on your autopsy, should it come to that! Gosh, I can't stop wondering if your heart really is going to be two sizes bigger than most. I know it's scientifically improbable, but you just love so damn much…

Ah! Oh, Henry, you scared me! I was just – no, I don't have the body bag. Promise. Cross my heart and hope to – well, you know. Little joke of the trade, hehe. You're not laughing – Shawn would have.

Okay, okay, I'm getting out, I'm leaving! But if anything happens, you know that I – OW! Okay, okay, yeah, got it. Geez Louise, you've got a tight grip. Did you arm wrestle in high school?

Hey, Shawn. How's it going?

I mean, you're in a coma, so I imagine it's not great, but… I dunno, maybe it is. Maybe it's nice, wherever you're at.

Say, I wonder if you're in the place your psychic visions come from. When you wake up, do you think you'll be even more psychic than before? That would be so cool…

Oh, Franny and Mrs. Pickles say hi. She wanted to bake you a pie – Franny, of course, not Mrs. Pickles, he's a cat – but I told her you were on a feeding tube, so she made me a pie instead. It was blueberry. One of the best pies I've ever tasted. She told me to tell you that if, I mean when, you wake up, she'll make you a pineapple upside down cake. A whole one, just for you.

You've just got to wake up first, Shawn.

I … I really hope you wake up soon. I miss seeing you around the station. Heh, I even think Lassiter's missing you. He doesn't say it so many words – or any words at all, for that matter – but he's different. Angrier, and I wasn't even sure that was possible! And he keeps glancing over at the front doors, like he's expecting you to come waltzing in at any moment.

Or, I dunno, maybe he ordered a pizza, but I'm betting he's missing you, deep down.

We're all missing you. Get better soon, okay, buddy?

Well, kid. It's been five weeks. You've always been a slowpoke in the mornings, but this is getting ridiculous.

I'm running out of things to talk about. Bet you're not too broken up about that, huh? Never did like to listen to what your old man had to say. Still… you listened when it mattered. Sometimes.

I'm thinking about retiring again. Karen's trying to convince me to stay. She says that she's always got a place for me, that they may be bringing in a couple of temporary consultants in the next few weeks, to help lighten the caseload. There's a criminal profiler, a young woman who really knows her stuff, but Karen's been holding off on hiring her. Honestly, the girl's good at what she does, but she doesn't hold a candle to what you do.

Then again, she's not an attention-seeking moron who runs head-first into danger without thinking of the consequences, but… she's still not you.

Anyway, I told Karen I'd think about it, but I don't know. I'm getting old, kid. I thought I wasn't, I still felt pretty young, but recently… I don't know. The world just has a little less color in it than I remembered, and that's what growing old looks like, isn't it?

If I retired, would you wake up? If you didn't have me "hovering" over you all day at work, would you finally come back? I mean, I accepted the job in the first place to keep you safe, and that went to hell in a handbag. Maybe I'm not so good at that job, after all.

Anyway, kid, you need to get off your lazy ass and wake up.

Believe it or not, I'm really starting to miss hearing your voice.

I love ya, kid. And I want you back.

Shawn, you will not believe what came in the mail today!

Seriously, guess.

Come on…

Dang it. I really hoped that would get you curious enough to open your eyes.

Anyway… something really did come in the mail. Well, sort of. I found it on your desk in the Psych office when I came in to check on things. I've been advised that it might be a good idea to stop paying rent for an office I'm not using, but that feels like letting you go, like I'm giving up on you, and I'm not ready to do that. So I'm going to keep paying that bill, okay?

But as I was saying, this envelope was just sitting on your desk! Just your name on it, too. At first I thought you were finally getting your Hogwarts letter, because it's in a really fancy envelope. It wasn't, by the way. Damn, I'm really rambling today. Sorry. I'm just … tired. But I wanted to read you this letter before I head out to see a few more clients. Here we go:

Dear Shawn,

It has come to my attention that you have been gravely injured and are in a coma in Santa Barbara Hospital. My contact has informed me that you've been in this state for nearly two months now. I am devastated to hear about this, and hope that by the time this letter finds you, you have awoken and are back to your normal self. If not, then I can only hope that your friend Mr. Guster will be kind enough to read you this letter.

I regret that I was unable to visit you myself, but as I am currently wanted in no less than four countries, I thought it best to stay away from any place that is crawling with police officers. I don't know if you are aware of this, but between your lovely lady friend and her grumpy assistant, along with all of your other friends at the SBPD, you have an officer of the peace in your hospital room nearly around the clock. And I know what you're thinking – I made my name sneaking in and out of impenetrable places. You would be right. Perhaps I cannot face seeing you in such a terrible way with my own eyes.

You must recover soon! I stole a lovely Van Gogh in your honor, but there was no way I could have mailed it to you without its being confiscated by the authorities. I do think of you every time I see it upon my mantle.

Sincerely,

Pierre Despereaux, Gentleman & Art Thief

Did you hear that, Shawn? Your iffy role model Despereaux is even worried about you. I know that you would – for some reason – do anything to make that man proud. So what do you say? You ready to wake up yet?

…

Dammit, Shawn. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Hey, there, Goose.

I know it's been a while since I've visited, but I'm actually on a conference tour right now, and your father is keeping me up to date on all developments. You look nice today – your father just gave you a shave, and though it's not the most even of cuts, it makes you look more like yourself.

So, your father called me yesterday in near hysterics. He said that you had shown the first signs of waking – when your nurse took your blood, you pulled away. For the first time since all this started, you reacted to something in your surroundings. Of course, I flew right in.

You haven't responded to anything since, though. Shawn, I –

You know I love you, right? I realize that I've never been the best at this sort of thing – at being a mother. I know I didn't always make the right decisions. Even now, I…

I miss you, son. If you can hear me at all – and I know that you can – please, please, just… whatever is trapping you in your own mind, whether it is fear or trauma or pain or … please, just. Come back to us. I –

Oh, Henry, when did you get back? No, you don't have to leave, I – No, no, I'm fine, I told you I'm fine, I –

– It's all right, Maddie. I've got you. You don't always have to be strong, you know. –

Okay, Shawn, I know I normally try to keep things light and positive, but I don't think I have it in me to do that today. I'm sorry, I just…

Today sucked, you know? Like, really sucked. Well, if I'm being honest, the past seven months have sucked. But today was extra special.

I won't burden you with all of the details, but work was difficult today. Lassiter and I got assigned a tough case, and, well, it didn't end up the way we'd hoped. Long story short, we uncovered a dirty cop. It was, um… do you remember Lawson? He worked in narcotics. Turns out he's done some things … hurt some people. He wasn't always accountable out in the field, and some things came to light. Anyway. It's a mess.

And then there's this whole thing with you. I just … every time it looks like you're making improvements, you just … you just retreat back into yourself, and I feel like I'm losing you more every day. I promised you when this all started, on day one, that I would wait for you, that I would be patient, and I'm trying, but…

It's not that I want to leave you or anything. Not at all. My patience is just wearing thin, and I can't sleep and night and every day I wake up terrified to look at my phone, because what if I have a message that you've woken up, but that you don't remember me at all? Or worse, what if I get a message that you'll never wake up again?

Our bed feels empty. I sleep with Mr. Snuggles every night, though – do you remember Mr. Snuggles, you know, the bear you won me at the fair when we started dating? He's soft, but he's wearing a bit thin. I guess holding a stuffed animal like it's a lifeline every night for over half a year will do that, but I'm afraid he's going to break soon.

I think…

I think I'm already broken, Shawn, and I can't –

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't mean to… I just miss you.

Did you know that I kiss you every night before I leave? Nothing fancy, just a single, light kiss on the lips. Sometimes I pretend that you're the damsel in distress and I'm Prince Charming, and I almost manage to convince myself that when I pull back, your eyes will be fluttering open to look at me, like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. But every time, you stay asleep.

Maybe this time, you'll wake up. Can you do it for me, Shawn? Please?

…

Well, it was worth a try. I miss the way you used to kiss me back. I'll try again tomorrow.

I'll never stop trying.

I love you, Shawn.

"I just don't get it, Mr. Spencer. The doctors say he's recovered from his injuries almost perfectly. Even the head injury, on the surface, has healed. Why isn't he waking up? It's been eleven months!"

"If I knew, Gus, I'd be the first to tell you, but I have no idea what's going on inside that thick head of his."

"I'm sorry. I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, too. I shouldn't be–"

"Gus. Just like I told Jules, we have to be here for each other. That's all we can do. That, and be here for Shawn when he wakes up."

"If he wakes up."

"Don't say that, Gus. You know Shawn. He's the most stubborn person either of us knows. He'll wake up. He'll make it through this."

"How long are we going to keep telling ourselves that? He's been comatose for almost a year, Mr. Spencer. Every time he shows signs of coming back, he just… doesn't. How long do we keep waiting? Two years? Five? How long until we've reached the point of no return? Will we even know it when we see it?"

"Gus, the point of no return doesn't happen until he stops breathing, and that's not going to happen, okay? We stick by Shawn until our prayers are answered or are no longer necessary. Got it?"

"You're right, I'm so sorry. Of course I'd never give up on Shawn, I'm just so tired–"

"Shhhh!"

"I am pouring my heart out here! I let you cry on my shoulder yesterday, and you won't even let me–"

"First off, I wasn't crying, and even if it was, I wouldn't be doing it on your shoulder. Never mind, I could have sworn I saw – yes! He's moving! Do you see his hand, Gus? Gus!"

"I … I dunno Mr. Spencer. Could be another false alarm."

"Maybe, but… this feels different. Shawn? Shawn? Can you hear me, bud? Can you open your eyes?"

"He's stopped moving. His heart rate's normalizing. I think–"

"D-dad?"

"Oh my – thank GOD, Gus, get a doctor, get a nurse – call Jules – Shawn, Shawn, can you hear me?"

"Dad?"

"I'm here, Shawn, I'm here. Open your eyes for me – there you go. Gus has gone to get the nurse. He'll be back with someone in a second."

"Jules?"

"She'll be here, she's just outside. Thank God you're awake, I–"

"I h-heard, Dad."

"What?"

"I heard. Everything."

"You did, huh?"

"Yeah… do you a-always sound like a dying lawn mower when you cry?"

"Dammit, Shawn, can't you let me enjoy having you back for one second before you ruin it?"

"L-love you, too, Dad."

…

"Welcome back, son. It's... good to see you smile again."

"Yeah, you too, dad – weird… But good."

A/N: Now more than ever, I would love to hear your thoughts! I loved writing this fic so much, I loved testing my grasp of the characters and their voices and exploring through only their words to a comatose Shawn how much they love him, and how they are worn down by his being lost to them for so long. So please, if you don't mind, let me know if you enjoyed this story, and if you'd be interested in seeing more pieces of this nature in the future. :)

This may be the end of Febuwhump, but this is absolutely not the last Psych fic I'll be publishing. In fact, I plan to pick back up on The Hunter, the Psychic, and the Bathrobe quite soon…

Thanks so much for your support. I love you guys! :)

~Emachinescat ^..^