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Vertigo
Vertigo noum /ˈvɜːtɪɡəʊ/ 1. the feeling of dizziness and fear, and of losing your balance, that is caused in some people when they look down from a very high place.
Almost halfway through the ride, Juliet fell asleep. Perhaps it was Shawn at her side, his reassuring hand on hers that allowed that to happen. Sleeping in another person's presence is one of the most trusting acts. A vulnerability a person only shares when there's confidence in the one by their side.
That warmed Shawn's heart.
Being under so much stress until now, having Juliet by his side, her sweet scent, her petite figure resting peacefully, was calming and he could tell she was enjoying it too, as the wrinkles in her forehead, before so deep due to her nervousness, were now gone, leaving the area smooth and relaxed.
Shawn knew that once she woke up she would be startled and probably all that situation would come back at once, but he would be there, even not being able to speak with her, his arms would be ready.
He tried not to focus much on the bomb, trying not to calculate the place it was trapped or putting any puzzles together. For a split second, all he wanted was to pretend it was just him and Jules, traveling somewhere nice, enjoying each other as if they were just two kids in love. He wanted to pretend there wasn't a bomb, a murder, a threat, a Declan, an awkwardness, fear, stress.
No, for that fragment of time it was just him and Juliet, driving under the warm morning sun.
The sky was brighter now, blue as if it didn't know that under it was happening one of, not to say the worst, day of Shawn's life.
He again glanced at the woman at his side, more to assure himself she was still there and wasn't just a mirage conjured by him. Her head was resting at the seat back, her grip at his hand now lighter and her breathing serene.
The silence was less thick but not at all enjoyable.
Picturing in his mind the last note for the hundredth time Shawn remembered their sick player had assembled a playlist. With nothing more to lose, he carefully took his hand out of the wheel, since it was a straight road and he could easily drive with his knees, and turned the radio on the lowest volume possible, as not to wake Juliet.
With a smooth and velvet voice Louis Armstrong opened the playlist, flying from tone to tone, he would add magic and color to any ordinary song, his characteristic voice triggering many memories as Shawn recalled his childhood moments. His father was always a fan of the '40s and so his house would constantly have Ella Fitzgerald playing in his living room late at night, lulling his parents in a romantic slow dance.
His attention diverted from the music when Jules stirred in her seat. Fortunately, she didn't wake, just changed her position to what Shawn presumed was a more comfortable one. The sun was illuminating part of her face, her golden locks, now loosened, cascading at the side, glowing under the light.
That image of her, once more brought back another memory from a few months, before Abigail, before Declan, before everything, when the time was full and inexhaustible when they would freely flirt back and forth, having late dinners at the police station, gatherings to watch a movie at the Psych office, taking rides home together. Shawn remembered sitting in Juliet's green beetle, her soft smile wider that particular evening.
They had been dismissed earlier as their case took a big turn and Shawn was able to piece everything together sooner than expected. The reports were postponed since they were all drained out. Gus left to a date rescheduled a few times, leaving his best friend without a ride home. Juliet offered to drop him by the place she was only going to see inside when Shawn got shot months later.
The remaining sun rays from a gorgeous sunset painting the sky that day hit her face, flattering her features and giving her an orange halo, so angelical Shawn stopped breathing for a few seconds. On her radio music was playing at a low volume, making it hard to identify. But when she started humming along, a few lyrics spilled here and there, as if she knew the song but couldn't remember all the words, Shawn recognized it.
La Vie en Rose, in the voice of Édit Piaf, filling the car on that gorgeous afternoon and painting that fond memory with a touch of pink in Shawn's mind. He was sure Jules didn't realize his eyes on her, or the effect she caused on him. They made their ride in that comfortable mood until she parked in front of that old laundry place Shawn called his "apartment".
Before leaving he asked her how she knew that song. She told him briefly about her semester in Paris, the same one she had mentioned in one of the cases they worked together, and how this was the only song she could sing entirely in french. The pride in Juliet's eyes was contagious and he felt like her conquest was his too.
He left with a goodbye and one of his favorite memories of her.
Once in a while, you could hear him singing that familiar melody when he was alone or thought no one was listening to him.
Tears filled his eyes, but Shawn shoved them right back down. Now wasn't the time and, frankly, he was tired of crying. That act so rare to him, happening only a few times during his entire life, had occurred three times that night. It was time to stop whine and start facing the truth.
Juliet's life depended on him and he would never forgive himself if anything happened to her.
She had a lot to live for.
Shawn wanted to watch her dance, hear her contagious laugh and see those ocean blue eyes staring at him with that clueless admiration and slight annoyance. He wanted to join her in long night conversations about the most insane things, to fight crime beside her, and occasionally steal her thunder when it was all solved. To make sure she was safe and sound at her home and that she would always have a shoulder to cry on, no matter if they were together or not. He wanted to listen to her sing La Vie en Rose once more.
From Dean Martin to June Christy, the playlist changed, bringing the driver's attention to the road. The panic and fear finding their way back to his heart and mind, vanishing with his previous contemplation of life.
Juliet woke up a few moments later. Rubbing her eyes, it was clear she forgot for a moment what was happening. She glanced at her hand, stiffening a bit when she realized her fingers were intertwined with Shawn's but relaxing when he gently squeezed them. Looking at him, her quizzical expression slowly dissolved into worry and then her own share of panic as all the horrible night events came back as a concrete memory other than just unhappy fantasies from a nightmare she had just woke up from.
She opened her mouth to say something but Shawn, dropping her hand, quickly signed her to remain silent, pointing at the paper, now smashed, tossed at the car's floor. She straightened it out and read the typed letters, fast regaining information of what they were dealing with.
With a slight nod, she signed she understood him and returned her vision back at the road in front of her. Her eyes, despite all the other emotions, expressed gratitude for the little time Shawn allowed her to sleep. She couldn't imagine how tired he was, up as long as she, under more stress than she could ever comprehend.
Sure Juliet was as drained as him, after all the psychological torture that still wasn't over. Not ever again she would watch any of Hitchcock's movies, which was a bit of a bummer since it was one of her favorite activities with Shawn, however that could easily be substituted for another one.
But through all that night, through all the hell, one thing she was sure the entire time: Shawn was there, he was alive and he would get them out of there.
It wasn't like she didn't trust her capabilities and strength. She knew how skilled and talented she was and how much power and damage her low kick was able to cause but there was something she could never do.
She couldn't read minds.
Although a tiny part of her heart still doubted Shawn's skills, the majority of her believed he was actually gifted and he just kept proving himself over and over again during all those years. And even if he didn't possess supernatural abilities, she trusted him enough to put her life in his hands, to believe he could fight for her when she wasn't able to.
Juliet loved being a strong woman, independent, but her heart melted every single time she saw the smallest worry cross Shawn's eyes whenever he saw a purple bruise on her arm, or a small cut gained in a foot pursuit after a perp. Sometimes she liked to play the role of the damsel in distress, just to see what reaction she could take from Shawn. A 100% of the time he would make an extra effort to make sure she was okay, accompanying her to her car, or stopping by her place before a guys' night with Gus to check and see if she needed anything or even leaving small treats at her desk the day after.
That was the Shawn no one knew (except Gus, maybe) that she got the chance and pleasure to know. The man who could be as sweet as he was childish and as mature as his constant immaturity.
Shawn was a series of contradictions that somehow complemented themselves on a functional level, building that man of so many characteristics.
As infuriating as he was, she just couldn't stop loving him.
That first moment, when he portrayed her with his silly pitchy voice tone, when he pouted like a child over his seat and freely told her about his skill in making a crawling snake, there, she was hooked by that shit-eating grin and those insanely captivating bluish-green eyes.
Shawn Spencer had conquered her heart at "Excuse me, I think you're in my seat" and have continued to do so ever since.
She observed him driving, concentrated at the road, his mind probably anywhere else but in that car. At least a hundred plans had crossed his mind and she bet that by the time they arrived at their destination he would be prepared.
So, despite all the fear, all the anger, and pain, she smiled because she knew that, with Shawn at her side, she would have enough strength to fight too.
Juliet noticed Shawn's body tense, even more, making her eyes turn to the road, understanding the reason why. There, not more than 100 feet from them, was a small beige church with black old windows and a bell tower.
Shawn gritted his teeth, trying to suppress an angry scream she knew was killing him inside. She tensed too, putting together the pieces Shawn already had since he first saw her in that gray skirt suit but didn't want to acknowledge.
She was Judy Barton, or Madeleine Elster if you prefer. Kim Novak's most famous role.
Vertigo.
They were in Vertigo.
Despite not having Earnie's bar at the assembled set, the church was a perfect replica, as all the other scenarios were. Shawn wondered how that man had the sources and time to do that but he honestly didn't give a care.
Killing the engineer, Shawn parked in front of the small garden, circling the construction. Although his wish was to keep driving away as much as he could, he was smart enough to deduce that, one inch more than the planned and goodbye car, the bomb probably not leaving any reasonable trace for forensics to identify their bodies.
Shawn got out of the car, waiting for Juliet to do the same. They walked a few meters away, still not sure if they could speak or not. Just knowing that she wasn't boobytrapped reassured Shawn enough for him to put her in his arms.
To the heck the awkwardness, the boundaries, the invisible line delimiting their space. Shawn couldn't spend a minute more without her body enveloped in his embrace. Gladly she hugged him back but didn't allow herself to break. She had to be strong.
She was fine.
Loosening his grip around her Shawn ended their hug, looking at her eyes one more time before taking a deep breath and heading towards their next game, and hopefully (he would make sure of that) the last one.
A few steps inside the garden and they faced the same cemetery from the movie. The stone graves with names beautifully engraved. It was a shame they all were the names of people Shawn and Juliet knew.
Buzz McNab
Abigail Lyatar
Declan Rand
Ewan O'Hara
Madeline Spencer
Karen Vick
Gurton Buster
Carlton Lassiter
Henry Spence
At each name more Shawn tensed and hopped it was all a sick joke. He glanced over his shoulder as Juliet walked a few steps away, following the stones engraved with her family member's names, horror increasing in her face at each one.
They stopped, both facing each other but a few feet away when they read graves with their own names. Juliet covered her mouth, shock running all over her body. She looked up in Shawn's direction, eyes widening more if that was possible.
Although her reaction threw the game, Sixty was fast enough. With a knife against Shawn's throat, he immobilized the fake psychic. The sharp and cold blade just pressed enough that the slightest movement would kiss him goodbye.
Against all instructions, Juliet screamed.
"SHAWN! LET HIM GO! NOW!"
From the back, Shawn couldn't get a picture of the man's face, but his black-gloved hands and the coat covering his arms were enough for him to assemble a mental picture, running all the faces from the SBPD in his head, trying to match them to the body behind him.
He was so sure, from day one, that this was an inside job, someone from the department invisible enough not to be noticed but close enough to learn everything about them, learn everything about Shawn. This was personal, it always had been and at each clue this murder left, he could see how deep cover this guy was in his life.
"Well, well, Mr. Spencer. Finally a proper meeting. I have to admit I was anxiously looking forward to this moment, the grand finale."
Shawn gasped, trying to speak, to scream, but the criminal pressed the knife harder against his throat, making speaking and even breathing, a hard job.
"No, no. Not time for a speech yet. You see, it took me a really long time to put this show all together, years of preparation until this big moment and I will not let you ruin it with a melodramatic funny speech I know so well you can give."
He could sense the disgusting smile in that unrecognized face, probably masked. Juliet, across from him, was frozen in her step, not a single strand of hair moving.
"So, as I always imagined, this day arrived and I have no shame in bragging about how skilled I am in recreating all Hitchcock's fascinating movies so far. As I know you guessed already, we have here beautiful Judy Barton which makes you Scottie. Sweet but mental Scottie. Well, you know how much of a perfectionist I am by now, and there was no way I would let this iconic scene be portrayed without all the right elements."
Shawn's breathing accelerated when he realized what was about to happen. With struggle, he tried to free himself from the man's grip but was unsuccessful. Sixty's hand was faster, piercing his neck, once more, with a needle. The oily liquid painfully traveled his veins and he lost his balance for a second or two.
He could see Juliet fighting to run after him but not being able to move. Whatever was holding her back was powerful and out of his sight as the grave in front of her was blocking his view.
Sixty finally let him go, the knife away from his neck. Shawn dropped on his knees, the injection starting to take effect. Whatever that guy had forced into his body was definitely something strong. He breathed hard, trying to regain his stability.
By that time the murder was already near Juliet, his knife now against her throat.
"TAKE YOUR HANDS OUT OF HER NOW! TAKE IT NOW OR I PROMISE I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL KILL YOU!"
"Shawn, Shawn, Shawn… but then you would ruin the grand finale, and I couldn't let that happen. Well, I suppose you remember how this all ends."
The masked face, as he had suspected, had only his eyes exposed in a tiny hole. Instantly they awakened Shawn's memory and his mind once more started to match and replace features so he would find the exact combination to form a face.
But as the man started to move, Shawn's trance was broken and his attention was totally focused on Jules. Her panicked eyes and the fact that she had no move to disarm the man that wouldn't involve her death, made her hostage of his grip.
"Come on Shawn, you don't wanna miss the end."
Fast he ran with Juliet under his hold towards the church.
It was a matter of time.
Shawn put himself on his feet, balancing his weight between his legs and the grave until he was sure he could run without tripping. Without thinking twice he headed to the same entrance he saw Jules disappear inside. He flew between the benches to the back, finding the wooden stairs.
The bell tower.
He started to climb up, two steps at a time, almost reaching the criminal when everything started spinning. His head turned, swirls in his eyes and everything was a big blur.
Vertigo.
Whatever was in his system, was mimicking the effects of vertigo.
Taking a deep breath Shawn concentrated on making the next flights without looking down but it was very hard as the narrow steps would obligate him to see where he was stepping. The sweat in his forehead started to drip at the sides of his face and each breath was harder to take.
But the man had Jules. No way he wouldn't make it.
Focusing on her, Shawn climbed his way to the top, finding the open passage to the bell and the small area. He found Juliet standing at the edge of the floor, one more step and she would fall to her death, just like Madeline did back in the movie. Sixty was behind her, his knife at her back.
"HEY! HEY! LET HER GO! THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ME, ISN'T IT BERT?"
The man turned, his eyes widened and the sick smile on his face gone. Shawn could tell Juliet was shocked too, as the muscles in her back stiffened.
"Yes, Bert Hill, assistant of the Investigative Assistant Thomas Wilson or, as I like to call, the file guy."
An angry laughter escaped from Bert's mouth, freezing the blood on Shawn's veins.
"Well, it took you long enough don't you think?"
"What do you want Bert? What could you possibly gain with this, huh? Fame? Why me?"
"Oh Shawn, you see, I was always underestimated, my intelligence reduced to a pitty position, a useless job. My brilliant mind, so ready to be challenged, was despised by everyone in that office. I could have been great. I climbed my way up slowly, helping cases, brilliant anonymous tips until you came. At first a marvel opponent, someone to instigate my mind, to improve me."
"I don't see where's the point of this."
"SHUT UP!"
Shawn closed his mouth cursing himself for being so stupid.
"With a simple act, you destroyed my chances, obligating me to up my game. But the more cases you solved, the more confident you got and I was forced to change my strategies. I realized, a little later, that your powers didn't come from your exceptional skill but from the people around you. So I thought to myself, why not test that? Of course, I had to create a story that would catch your eye enough to join me in this amazing game."
"SO YOU ARE TELLING ME ALL THIS IS A STUPID GAME?"
Anger was boiling from Shawn's chest, this man did all that just for the pleasure, just to have his mind challenged?
"HEY! Shut it! More than a game Mr. Spencer, I dedicated my time to study your behavior, your trace of thoughts, and what best way to analyze it all than in a thrilling situation? I couldn't thank you enough for all the precious moments we got to interact with because they allowed me to know exactly which string to pull to make this study more pleasant. Of course, going for your father, your best friend, were good calls, easy ones. Your boss, who could tell how much you cared, willing to sacrifice your father's life for her, intriguing I must say."
Shawn breathed heavily, at each word more exasperate he would get. His fists, perfect balls, his knuckles white and his nails dragging marks at his palms, above the ones already there, and that he knew it would remain for a few weeks.
"And Lassiter was really a surprise. For someone who you often fight with I believed it would be an easy choice but I guess it is one of those situations where the bickering and hate are only a façade for the real friendship behind."
The smartass smile in Bert's mouth was so infuriating Shawn decided it would be the first place to meet his hand once he managed to free Juliet from his power.
"But this is what I was waiting for all along. The love!"
Shawn instantly froze.
"What limits would you cross, how many rules would you break to save your true love? I must admit that Detective O'Hara's beauty is an unfair variable to this research but the love you feel for her is beyond superficial matters isn't it Mr. Spencer? Oh no, you love her deeply, willing to do anything for her. Well, are you willing to die for her?"
Juliet tried to say something but Bert increased the pressure on the knife pressed against her back. Shawn stepped a little further, stumbling a bit, still feeling the effects of this new poison in his system.
"I will die for her! I would die a hundred times for her! Hey, you have your answer, okay? Come on! Let her go, throw me out of this place! You'll get what you want!"
"And lose the opportunity to analyze the mind of a grieving man? Not a chance"
"NO! Please!" - Shawn never imagined he would be asking a murder for mercy before, but now there was he, begging him to let Juliet go - "Take me, you can dissect my brain or whatever, you can trap me somewhere, I'll do anything. Please, just let her go!"
"Oh, Mr. Spencer" - A devilish smirk on his face - "Didn't they teach you that begging is for the weak? I never expected that from you. Any final words?"
Bye-bye.
"NO!"