I'D DO ANYTHING
A one-shot.
Set in Season Seven, between 'Juliet Takes a Luvvah' and 'Deez Nups'.
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"If I hadn't tried, the cost would have been my soul."
(From: 'Star Trek III – The Search for Spock'.)
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A series of tall lights circled the edge of the quarry, placed at poorly chosen intervals that failed to keep the night from creeping in. Shawn parked the Blueberry underneath the nearest one, safe in its warm glow. He wasn't trying to hide. He wanted to be seen; to let them know that he had done as he was told and come alone.
As he turned off the engine, he picked up his iPhone and clutched it tightly in his shaking hand. "Call me," he whispered. "I'm here. You know it. Let's get this over with." His throat was tight and the nervous bouncing of his legs – a bad habit when he was anxious – threatened to overwhelm his whole body. Shawn beat his fist against the wheel, trying to release his excess energy. He was angry and afraid, and what he needed was to Find Her. But the ball was in their court and he would play their little game, if that was what it took to rescue Juliet.
He had woken in the night to find them standing by the bed. There were two of them, both armed, both wearing black jerseys and knitted balaclavas, like a pair of woolly ninjas. They had pulled her from his arms before her eyes were even open, and he stared at them in horror. "Wha…?"
"Be quiet, Shawn," she warned him – but he didn't listen. Why did he never listen? Was he so very arrogant that he believed his words alone could save her?
"Look, guys, you really don't want to do this."
"Oh?" said the tallest ninja. His voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Is that so? What do we want to do?"
Shawn pursed his lips together. "Leave?" he suggested hopefully. "That's okay with us, if it's okay with you. And we can forget this ever happened - right, Jules?" He was bluffing, of course, and badly.
The two figures burst out laughing. Juliet rolled her eyes at him, but all he could really focus on right now was the gun levelled at her temple. Double down, thought Shawn. Do better. "I'm a psychic," he continued. His mouth was dry and his voice was husky. "She's a cop. Not the smartest choice for a home invasion. Maybe factor in a little research next time?" He held up his hands to placate them. "I'm not saying you're rookies, okay? Though you have to admit, you do give off a certain… vibe."
"We know who you are," said the second ninja. "That's why we're here. Let's just say… we're looking to make use of your unique relationship. We need a tiny favour…"
Shawn closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Reaching out, he laid his hand upon the bag that sat beside him on the passenger seat.
Tiny favour. Riiight.
His iPhone buzzed as a message came through. That was the pre-arranged signal. Come on down, it told him. As though this was all a game show, and Juliet the shining prize that he could win.
Shawn knew she wouldn't be happy with that.
He opened the car door and stepped out, dragging the rucksack with him. "I'm coming," he muttered. "And hell hath no fury… wait. That's a woman scorned." With a frown, he began to slither down the gravel slope. It felt rather like skiing, but slightly less glamorous. "Okay then. Try this one on for size. Yippee ki ay…"
Before he could finish, his feet shot out from under him, the bag flew out of his hand and he landed on his backside with an ungainly thump and a yell of surprise. Even worse, the slope was so unstable that it simply bore him onwards. Shawn rode the gathering wave of tiny stones until he hit the bottom and lay there, spread-eagled and stunned, like a dusty beetle on its back. Seconds later, the rucksack arrived, sliding primly to a halt. He snatched it up and clutched it to his chest. Losing the evidence wasn't an option. Not if it meant he would lose Juliet as well.
Scrambling to his feet, he pulled his flashlight out of the bag and switched it on. The tiny beam shone bravely through the darkness, searching for a random path through the rubble and weeds. Silent trucks surrounded him, like sleeping monsters. There was no sign of Juliet or her captors.
"Hello?" he yelled, as loudly as he could. A false reply came back to him from the staggered cliffs of stone. Hellohellohello… "Are you there? I did what you wanted." Wantedwanted…
Oh, shut up, he thought, clenching his hand around the strap until his own nails dug into his skin. Perversely, he welcomed the sharp sensation.
Sweat was beading on his forehead, in spite of the chill night air. He dashed it away and limped forwards. The fall had left him feeling battered and bruised but that was nothing at all to him. He barely even registered the pitiful state of his appearance.
"Here," said a new voice, at last. Herehere…
With the echoes in play, it was difficult to pinpoint a location. Shawn peered around the closest truck and thanked his lucky stars when he saw two beams of light shining in the distance. Clearly, the bad guys had taken the easy road… in that they actually used the road, rather than travelling cross-country. "Why do I always do things the hard way?" Shawn grumbled as he trudged towards the car, swinging the rucksack by its strap in a belated attempt to appear jaunty and unafraid.
"That's close enough," said the voice. It belonged to the first woolly ninja. Shawn remembered it well, but he could care less about that guy.
"Juliet!" he shouted.
Time stood still. His breath caught in his throat, suspended.
"Shawn," she replied – and suddenly he could breathe again.
"Thank God," he murmured. There was an edge of fear in her voice but no sign that she was in pain. Shawn tightened his resolve and held the bag aloft. "I've got it."
"That's just a bag," the second ninja scoffed. "How do we know what's inside?"
"You think I'd risk her life for a bloodstained rag?" Shawn unzipped the bag again, taking advantage of the act to move a little bit closer. Every inch was precious. "See?" He pulled it out and waved it like an ugly flag of surrender. "Let my girlfriend go and I'll hand it over."
"Hand it over and I'll let your girlfriend go." The ninja muttered something else that sounded like 'good riddance'. Shawn gave a secret smile of satisfaction. Juliet had not been an easy hostage; that much was obvious.
"Sound good to you, Jules?" he called out.
"Don't you trust them, Shawn," she warned him. "Ow! Hey…"
"Stay out of this," snapped the first ninja. Shawn's little flashlight finally picked out three shadowy figures; two in black and one in the bunny pyjamas he had bought for her as a gift to mark their moving in together. Seeing Jules gave him strength to continue. He held out the bloody rag and the men shuffled forwards, into the beams, with Juliet between them. When they were close enough, Shawn dropped his hand and tilted his head, regarding them thoughtfully.
"You made a big mistake, you know," he told the ninjas. "Picked on the wrong couple. Didn't I warn you? I'd do anything for Juliet…"
"That's exactly what we gambled on."
"I hadn't finished. Thing is, guys…" He paused for dramatic effect. "I'm not the only one. I know you told me not to run my mouth off, but I've never been all that good at following orders. Distracting people, on the other hand... Top of my class. You might want to take a look behind you..."
As the ninjas spun round, Shawn reached out and grabbed Juliet by the arm. She stumbled towards him.
"Hands in the air," said Carlton Lassiter. "Now, you scumsuckers!"
At his back, like a beefy chorus line, was the entire night shift, ranged in a semi-circle, their weapons at the ready. Behind them stood Chief Vick, and Gus, who had held up his end of the Plan in a big, big way.
Not that I doubted you, buddy, thought Shawn, with a nod for his best friend and a grin for Lassie.
Juliet held up a finger. "Give me a moment, Shawn," she said politely.
Turning, she balled up her fist and planted it deep in the tall ninja's stomach. He crumpled, moaning, and his partner backed away, preferring to take his chances with the scary, armed detective and his team.
Sweet relief made Shawn giggle. "You're my badass bunny," he crooned.
"And you're an idiot!" Juliet rounded on him, and he flinched. "What were you thinking? They could have killed you."
"Or you," he said pointedly. "What did you think I was thinking?!"
"I thought…" She shook her head. "I thought you really had gone to the station and stolen the evidence, just like they told you to."
"That might have been the plan at first," Shawn admitted, feeling sheepish. "They caught me off guard. I'd just woken up. But then I remembered two really important things."
"Go on," she murmured, as he wrapped her in the safety of his arms.
"Number one: you're awesome. You know that, right? I'm not telling you something you don't… okay; B. You have excellent friends and most of them carry a gun. Not to mention B, part two: I really think that Lassie would have killed me if I'd kept him out of the loop on this one. Look how happy he is. Cuffing the bad guys. Roughing them up a bit... Warms your heart, doesn't it?"
"I do feel warm." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "Guess what? I've remembered something important too."
"What's that?" he whispered, delighted.
"Thank you, Shawn," said Juliet – and she kissed him in a way that proved how much she meant it.