Shawn was sitting in the psych office, pondering why he kept doing these things to himself, he left the party not long after Gus, he had to walk here given the fact that when he walked out of Lassie's house - he refused to call it Lassie and Marlowe's house even in his mind- the blueberry had been gone, Jules was nowhere in sight when he left, and he worried she had overheard their conversation, but wrote it off on her leaving early because she saw he needed space.
A knock on the door brought him out of his revere, steeling himself for a moment, as he stood up and made his way to the door, bracing for whatever it was that Gus needed to scold him about more, or Jules's disappointed face as she had overheard them and was coming to break Shawns heart even more, who he didn't expect to find as he finally opened the door was Lassie, standing there looking awkward, holding a bottle of scotch and looking anywhere but him.
"Spencer" he greeted curtly, breaking the awful silence and pushing past Shawn, letting himself in.
"Lassie?" Shawn asked skeptically, it wasn't that he didn't want Lassie here, he always did in fact, so much so that it was separating him from the girl he was dating. Shawn reluctantly followed him over to the couch and sat beside him, internally questioning his motives for being here so late
"Marlowe said you looked sad at the party, she told me I needed to come see if you were okay, something about quality "bro time" as he said the words he put finger quotes around "bro time" and it was almost enough to make him laugh, almost, but knowing Marlowe had seen his distress meant that Juliet had definitely known something was up, and he was dreading her reaction.
"I'm fine Lassie, really, just had some bad food earlier and needed to relieve myself quick" he tried for a lighthearted chuckle, but it was strained, and the response didn't sound like something he'd say at all, he mentally berated himself for the lame excuse.
"And Guster just happened to need to relieve himself too?" He rose an eyebrow, grabbing the scotch and pouring them each a glass "Look Spencer, if you don't wanna talk fine, that's not my best quality anyway, but what I am good at is drinking, and drowning out my problems, and you look like you could use a drink"
He handed him a glass, and Shawn was grateful Lassiter didn't pry into anything, it was one thing to confess to Gus his undying love for the head detective, but another to tell the man of his desires what he thinks about most nights, and showers, and- oh god he needed to stop that train of thought before he made a fool of himself.
He gulped down the glass in one long swig, then held it out for another, Lassiter looked shocked, then shrugged and poured him another, downing his glass and doing the same.
By their third glass Shawn was wasted, blabbing on about his heart hurting, and how only one person could mend it
"Spencer if O'Hara is getting to you that much you need to tell her, god knows me and Marlowe have our problems" he slurred, he had taken his tie off at some point and rolled his sleeves up, his first few buttons undone so he could breathe.
"It's not Jules" Shawn said before he could stop himself, he had barely heard anything Lassie had just said, too focused on the little bit of skin showing, and how Lassie had unconsciously leaned closer to him while they had been drinking, not to mention the way his lips looked while he talked, or how his eyes were on Shawn now, calculating and curious. Something in Shawn snapped.
"This is stupid" he thought to himself as he seized their glasses and threw them on the table -all while swinging a leg around so he was straddling Lassiter's lap-
"Spencer what the he-" stupid, stupid, stupid, as he cut off the astonished protest by slamming his lips onto his and grabbing a fistful of his hair
Carlton was caught off guard by how right this felt, logically he should push Spencer off, tell him he was an idiot and leave, but he was also drunk, and the warmth on top of him and building in his groin was enough for him to throw logic to the wind.
He grabbed Shawns hips and ground up into him as he slipped his tongue into his mouth, Shawn moaned as he started moving faster, grabbing at Lassiter's shirt, and his hair, anything he could get his hands on. He had fantasied about this exact thing so many times, but nothing his brain conjured up could compare to the feel, the real feel of Lassie's hand on him, groping his ass and rubbing his thighs as he grinds against him, feeling his hardness pressing against his own was almost enough to bring him over the edge, but then he moved his lips to Lassiter's neck and started sucking and he let out the most beautiful strangled gasp as his hips stuttered, and Shawn followed right along.
There was a pause, a blissfully silent moment where they sat there, panting and holding each other close, when Carltons mind decided now was a good time to remind him of his fiancee, Marlowe, oh god, he loved Marlowe, what the hell had he just done. Not only did he just cheat on his fiancee, he cheated on her with someone he worked with, someone she knew, and a man for Christ's sake, Carlton Lassiter was not gay, nor had he ever thought about a man like that, sure there were those few hero crushes he had when he was a boy, but nothing ever went past sheer admiration, and the want to be them, not be with them.
Now here he was, a limp, sweaty Shawn Spencer in his lap, panting and trying to catch his breath, because of him he was the one who went along with this, got so lost in the moment, filled with sensation and a want he had unknowingly buried for years that he had done something awful to his soon to be wife, and he had just helped Spencer cheat on his partner, the woman he thought of like a little sister, one of the only people he truly called his friend.
He just sat there for a moment, mouth agape, staring wide-eyed at Spencer in his lap, he was about to throw Spencer off of him, tell him to get lost and never speak of this again, when Shawn himself gasped and shot out of his lap so fast it made his head spin, "Shit!" He had cursed as he paced around the room, messing up his already disastrous looking hair.
"What the fuck did I just do?" He wasn't talking to Carlton, he was mumbling to himself as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand, then wiped his hands on his jeans, as if it would erase what they had just done, Carlton felt about the same, he wanted to forget this ever happened, he wanted to push it as far to the back of his mind as he could and lock it away, next to everything else he lied to himself about.
He got up from the couch, grabbed his suit jacket and tie, and made to push past Shawn into the next room and out to his car, but Shawn grabbed his arm, he wouldn't meet the leveled stare Lassiter had on him, he just gripped tighter, not wanting to let go, while also wanting nothing more than to shove him out of the office and lock the door, Lassiter didn't give him a chance to decide as he wrenched his arm from his grasp taking a few steps toward the door.
Shawn remained there, stunned by his own actions and the fact that it had worked at all, Lassie had wanted him, the pleasant thoughts were over taken by the realization that he had just cheated on Jules, his girlfriend sure they had their problems, and Shawn was probably gonna leave her anyway, because apparently he was just destined to be alone, but he wanted them to be on good terms at least, maybe they would be awkward around each other at first, but eventually they'd slide easily back into old banter and shameless flirting with no meaning behind it, like everything had been before Shawn made the mistake of taking that flirting too far, and now he had cheated on her, and there would be no reconciling after she found out.
"I don't know what the fuck your problem is, but don't you dare try to use me to solve it, and not a word of this gets to anyone. I hope it's understood that if it does happen to find it's way to the station, or anybody for that matter, I'll end you Spencer" was the last thing he heard before Lassiter was out the door, he listened as he heard the heavy footfalls, and the way he angrily slammed his car door, then sped off out of sight. Shawn was alone, truly alone, if he told his best friend, Gus might actually stop talking to him, and he couldn't handle that, he knew Gus cared about Juliet, and he wouldn't understand what was going through Shawns head when he did what he just did, Shawn didn't even know what the fuck Shawn had been thinking when he did it.
But maybe that was the problem, he wasn't thinking, a problem that he had since he could remember, whether it was jumping off his dads roof as child to see if he could fly, or running into sure danger just to solve another case, he never thought about the repercussions, even when they were so blatantly right in front of his face, you'd think someone with such keen observation skills would be able to look at something that was metaphorically slapping him in the face, but he was dumb in that sense, never thinking of anyone else in his moment of glory, he was selfish.