5. Tickling, Tentacles and Thestrals.
"I hear tha' you three are wantin' to see th' squid," a large man announced as they entered the Great Hall the next day. "I'd be happy to show yer. I wasn't around yesterday to show yer, so I'm sorry about tha', but I had a few things to take care of before term began, yer see."
Kirk waved a hand dismissively at the apology. "That's really kind of you," he answered graciously, digging a wide eyed McCoy in the ribs inconspicuously as they settled down to breakfast.
"There are some Thestrals I'd like yer to see," he continued enthusiastically.
"Those flying skeletal horses?" McCoy asked warily.
Hagrid nodded. "Tha's righ'! 'Ave you met 'em already?"
"Negative."
"Fantastic! I migh' even be able to show yer how to fly one, if we're lucky."
"That's...that's good," McCoy said faintly.
"Once yeh've finished yer breakfast, I'll take yer out to th' lake. We can work our way up to th' Thestrals," Hagrid continued cheerfully, oblivious to the physician's mounting sense of despair as he ladled more food onto his plate. "Oh...yer don' wan' to eat too much," her warned. "Mos' people tend to vomit on their firs' flight."
"Oh wonderful."
"Cheer up Bones! It'll be fun!"
"Maybe for a suicidal maniac."
Hagrid snorted, swallowing a mighty mouthful of food. "There's nothin' to be afraid of. I've had young children fly 'em." He chased the food down with a large gulp of pumpkin juice. Snape regarded him in slight distaste. "An' the squid's pretty harmless too," he added.
"Pretty harmless?"
"He likes ter play around," the giant explained fondly, but noticing too late McCoy's horrified expression. "He never really hurts anyone..."
"Never really?" McCoy asked in ever increasing trepidation.
"Well..." Hagrid shifted slightly. "There was one boy who got too close an' was dragged down sev'ral feet..."
"He survived of course," Dumbledore said cheerfully from behind his paper.
"Well that's reassuring," McCoy growled.
Snape stood, pushing away his empty bowl. "Much as I would love to remain here and debate the potential threat of giant squid, I must return to my office."
"See you later then, Severus," a female professor chirped.
Inclining his head at her, he turned and exited the Great Hall, the door creaking shut behind him. A woman whom they now recognised as Professor McGonagall sighed. "That man spends too much time holed up in those dungeons..."
"Almos' finished?" Hagrid asked hopefully as McGonagall turned back to her toast.
"Finished and ready to go," Kirk answered cheerfully, bouncing to his feet with an annoying amount of energy.
"As ready as I'll ever be," McCoy murmured as they followed the half giant onto the grounds.
"Don't worry; Spock and I will protect you."
"Very funny, Jim."
"Everyone needs a knight in shining armour," the Captain continued mercilessly. "You're lucky you have two."
"You're insufferable."
"You love me really."
"Just don't push your luck," McCoy joked, laughing lightly when Kirk pouted.
Hagrid strode ahead, his long legs allowing him to walk much faster than the average human. Beginning to say something and noticing that they were not next to him as he had expected, he turned around and beckoned to them in excitement. "Keep up, you three!"
"Easier said than done," Kirk grinned.
They hurried to his side, finding that they had to almost jog to match his long stride. The sun struggled through oppressive clouds, and a fairly strong wind had picked up; throwing itself in their faces and making it difficult to move quickly.
They came to a panting halt, some minutes later, at the edge of a rippling lake; the boundaries stretching into the distance. A giant tentacle crossed the shoreline, a pair of wide eyes surveying them in interest. Waving his arm in greeting, Hagrid hurried to the creature, stroking it without hesitation.
"Come closer," he urged them, grinning in delight. "He won' bite."
As they came closer, they saw that the suckers on the showing tentacle were as large as a football and dotted in slightly irregular rows.
McCoy gaped. "It's...big," he concluded lamely.
"It's beautiful," Kirk countered emphatically, joining Hagrid in tickling the tentacles. "Spock, you should try this!"
Hesitating only slightly, the Vulcan stepped forward and gingerly rubbed the limb. "Fascinating. This is a texture which I have not previously experienced."
"Where is he from?" Kirk asked absent-mindedly, continuing with the stroking motion. Ripples floated to the surface as the squid moved appreciatively, a slight gurgle reaching their ears.
"He's always lived here," Hagrid replied. "His family've been here for decades, as far as we know."
"How did you gather that information?" Spock asked curiously.
"Professor Dumbledore asked 'im."
"He...asked him?" McCoy questioned from a few feet away, still eying the squid warily.
"Of course. He can speak a lot o' languages," he explained. "Even mermish."
"Mermish," Kirk repeated, grinning. "There are merpeople here?"
"Yer, bu' they can't talk above water."
"At all?"
"Well...I s'pose they try...bu' it's not very successful."
"How so?" Spock asked. The sight of him dispassionately asking questions while tickling a giant squid was almost too much.
"It comes out as a wailin'. It's amazin' to hear Dumbledore speak tha'."
"Indeed," Spock replied, eyebrows raised. "That would be interesting to observe."
"It is," Hagrid agreed easily, a reminiscent look fixed upon his face. "He doesn't do it often though."
"That is unfortunate."
"Bones!" Kirk admonished in the lull in conversation. "Are you going to come closer, or stand over there looking terrified?"
"I'd rather look terrified than get within two meters of those tentacles...I'm staying in my safe spot."
"Are you sure?"
"YES, damn it!"
"Suit yerself," Hagrid shrugged.
"You don't know what you're missing," Kirk added.
"What do yer think?" Hagrid asked hopefully after several beats of silence.
"He is remarkably intelligent."
"How do yer know that?"
"I am a touch telepath. Since I am in physical contact with him, I am able to 'hear' his thoughts to a certain extent."
"That must be pretty weird," Kirk commented.
"It is mildly disorienting." He broke off suddenly as Kirk gave the tentacle a particularly hard, rubbing prod. "However, I can say with some certainty that he enjoyed that, Captain."
"Really? How much?"
Spock's ears gained a faintly green tinge to the tips. "Very much, Captain."
Hagrid's eyes widened. "Well I never..."
"I turned on a squid," Kirk chuckled. He turned to look over his should at the CMO, who was currently sitting cross-legged on the grass. "Did you hear that, Bones?"
McCoy shook his head in amusement. "You have to learn to control yourself, Jim. The poor squid doesn't know what he's getting into." Kirk's answering laugh rang around the grounds.
"Tha's never happened before..."
Spock shook his head in dissent. "You merely did not recognise that particular reaction for what it truly was."
"Tha' changes a lot..."
"You're welcome," Kirk chuckled, repeating the action. The squid wiggled and splashed water happily.
Spock's ears became a deeper green. Kirk decided that he liked that look, and repeated the action again, just to see the Vulcan's expression. It was, he thought, officially adorable.
"Captain, I must request that you cease doing that."
"Why? He likes it."
"You are causing him to reach dangerous levels of excitement," Spock explained in obvious embarrassment. "In such close proximity..."
The squid finished his warning for him; bringing another dripping tentacle out of the water and moving it through the air with dangerous speed, straight towards Spock's head.
McCoy yelled in alarm and Spock, who was still in light mental contact with the creature, only had time to turn around in surprise before he felt himself knocked to the floor.
The tentacle passed harmlessly over Hagrid, who had ducked just in time.
"Are you alright?" Kirk asked, pulling himself up off the stunned Vulcan, from where they had both fallen as Kirk had lunged himself at his friend.
"Affirmative." He accepted Kirk's offered hand and clambered to his feet. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it," the human replied, drawing his friend out of range of the squid, who was reluctantly beginning to submerge in disappointment at the abrupt termination of the tickling session.
"Good God Jim!" McCoy bellowed; having jumped to his feet when he saw what was happening. "Next time you insist upon doing that to a squid, at least make sure no one else is nearby!"
"It didn't get him Bones," Kirk protested, although he had the good grace to look slightly ashamed of himself.
"But it could have!"
"Gentlemen," Spock interrupted. "Dwelling on what could have been will do nothing to change the situation."
"Are yer alrigh'?" Hagrid asked urgently, jogging over to them.
"Perfectly."
"Do yer still wan' to see th' Thestrals?"
"Of course," Spock replied on behalf of the group, not wanting to pass up a scientific opportunity.
"Is that really a good idea?" McCoy suddenly demanded, eying Kirk with mistrust.
"I'll behave myself this time."
"You damn well better," the surgeon growled. "I won't be able to help you if you pulverise yourself by falling off a flying Thestral!"
"I won't fall off."
"Th' Thestrals are careful," Hagrid interjected. "He'll be in good hands."
McCoy sighed in defeat. "I know I'm going to regret this," he said, walking in the direction of the looming Forest.
Kirk jogged up to him and clapped him on the shoulder. "You won't regret this, Bones. We'll be fine." McCoy snorted.
In the company of Hagrid and without the added threat of giant creatures chasing them with the intent of eating them, the journey into the Forbidden Forest was almost enjoyable. They still had to step over fallen branches and slide carefully down mounds of earth, but they were still grateful for the change of scene.
"I'm eternally thankful," McCoy announced to the group in general, "that this time we're not being chased by psychotic spiders."
"Or rock ogres," Kirk added for good measure.
Hagrid faltered in his path, shock registering on his face. "Yer saw a rock ogre?"
"Yeah, we ran into one when we arrived," Kirk expanded, "literally." He surveyed Hagrid carefully. "Do you know him – her – it?"
"There are not many rock ogres in the Forbidden Forest."
"I assure you," Spock said, "we saw one."
"I don' know why a rock ogre would venture this far away from..." he broke off suddenly, squinting into the distance before breaking into a run. After a few moments, he dropped to his knees beside an unmoving shape. They exchanged worried looks before following.
They stumbled upon the enormous carcass of the ogre that had saved their lives some days earlier. The rocks were worn down and seemed to be covered in a moss which proved to be, on closer inspection, some sort of slime or puss. They had noticed none of this on the day of their arrival.
"Oh no," Kirk murmured.
"He's dead," Hagrid announced brokenly, dropping the enormous wrist and sitting back on his hunches. "There's no pulse." He pointed at the slime on his face. "He must 'ave been killed by a disease," he shook his head sadly. "Only eatin' the spiders can cause tha'... poor little things."
The three officers exchanged wary glances.
"I'm sorry," Kirk said softly, placing a comforting hand on Hagrid's large shoulder.
"It's alrigh'," he assured them unconvincingly, getting to his feet.
"Do you wish to return to the castle?" Spock asked, his eyes filled with understanding.
"No...I'll be alrigh'," he repeated. "I jus' hope it doesn't anger the spiders too much. If we could find the body...well, I'll look for it later..." He took one last look at the dead body behind him before turning his back on it and walking away.
"Hagrid," Kirk panted, running up to him. "You don't have to do this."
"Don' worry," he replied gruffly, managing a small smile. "It'll help keep my mind off it."
"If you're sure," McCoy said sceptically, concern plastered across his face.
"I am." His voice was fiercely determined.
They let the matter drop.
"The clearin' is jus' down here," Hagrid announced some time later, raising a large finger and pointing.
Before long, they found themselves to be standing in a large clearing, the sun filtered through the trees, creating a temporary state of almost twilight. There was not a single Thestral in sight.
"Not to worry," Hagrid said, producing several large chunks of raw meat. "They'll come when they smell this."
Sure enough, there was the sound of a snapping branch behind them, and a skeletal winged horse appeared seemingly out of nowhere, its small eyes fixed upon the meat. It approached cautiously and took the meat from Hagrid's grasp, wolfing it down hungrily.
The giant patted its side affectionately. "Can you see her?"
"Definitely," McCoy answered, blinking rapidly.
"Can we touch her?" Kirk asked in awe, taking in the appearance of the Thestral appreciatively.
"Go ahead," Hagrid said, his previously cheerful mood almost fully recaptured; the sadness still hovering beneath the tight smile. "Keep eye contact and move very slowly. I don' want her to over react." Kirk and Spock both started forwards. "One at a time," he added.
Spock gestured for Kirk to go ahead. The Captain walked slowly; his hands spread palms up and maintaining eye contact at all times. He reached the Thestral's side and immediately began stroking her. Hagrid gestured to Spock, who slowly repeated Kirk's movements.
All eyes turned to McCoy, who resolutely stayed where he was.
"Come on Bones," Kirk said softly. "She won't hurt you."
Sighing, McCoy stepped forwards slowly and reached out, touching the bony neck tentatively. "I didn't expect that," he said aloud as he felt an almost unnoticeable layer of fur.
"She beautiful, isn't she?" Hagrid whispered. Everyone nodded.
"Can I ride her?" Kirk asked, sounding for all the world like a little child, eyes never leaving the magnificent creature before him.
"Of course! Here...everyone, stand back," he said.
"How do I get up?"
"Stand on my hand," Hagrid instructed, offering both palms to be used as a step. Once Kirk was mounted, he said; "give her a gentle nudge with yer feet an' hold on tight."
Kirk did so and shouted in surprise as the Thestral suddenly bolted forwards, almost knocking him backwards at the sudden movement. Leaning forwards, he wrapped his hands around her neck as they left the ground, wings spreading majestically and momentarily blotting out the sun for the people below.
Whooping in childish delight, Kirk risked turning backwards to wave and grin at his two companions, who were rapidly becoming small specks surrounded by a green fuzz, Hagrid behind them. The Thestral dipped suddenly as she levelled out their flight path, swerving to the left slightly.
They climbed steadily higher, the wind ruffling the human's already tousled hair and making it almost impossible to hold on. The Hogwarts grounds lay spread before him; small and yet unmistakably large – Hogsmeade lying to one side, a short distance from the majestic castle. He saw the smallest of ripples as the giant squid briefly re-emerged, and he let himself imagine that it was to wave at him.
They passed through a cloud and Kirk yelled in surprise as he was immediately soaked through with cool water, relishing the brief moment of being hidden from the world. His voice was lost in the wind.
The Thestral picked up speed, dipping and wheeling in an impressively agile series of manoeuvres, the unpredictability of which were causing Kirk's fingers to slowly lose their grip.
Adrenaline coursing through his veins, blood pounding in his temples and breath hitching in a brief rush of fear, he tried to tighten his grip, a cry escaping him when his hands broke free and suddenly he was free falling...
All he could hear was his heart beat and the rush of the wind.
Yelling soundlessly, he plummeted closer and closer to the ground, the trees rushing up to meet him, air whooshing past his ears and deafening him. Closing his eyes and throwing his arms and legs out as he had been taught in the Academy, in another life, he attempted in vain to slow himself down.
Déjà Vu, he thought wryly.
He impacted suddenly with something solid and warm. The air flew out of his lungs, leaving him winded and scrabbling furiously for a hand hold as they plummeted further, further...
And suddenly, he was floating.
Opening his eyes warily, he saw to his relief that he was once more clutching the neck of the Thestral, their descent controlled. When they landed, without a hitch on the ground, he stumbled off the animal and felt his jelly knees impact hard with earth.
Gasping for breath that he did not know he had been holding, he felt the sound rush back.
"...od damn it!" McCoy was screeching when the ringing in his ears finally stopped, feeling his pulse. "Of all the damn crazy stunts to do! What the hell were you thinking Jim?" He turned to stare at the Captain frantically when he received no answer. "Jim? Damn it Jim, can you hear me?"
"I hear you," he gasped, suddenly aware of Hagrid and Spock hovering over him, equally concerned. "I'm fine, really."
"I'll be the judge of that," McCoy snapped, still clutching his wrist, as though he were scared to let go. "You're shivering," he said accusingly. "Jim, why, in the name of all things holy, are you soaking wet?"
"We went through a cloud," he explained, pushing himself to his feet and ignoring the CMO's protests.
"Doctor, what is his condition?"
"Well...his pulse is elevated, but that's to be expected and he's cold...but other than that, he's fine," McCoy said. "Damn it, Jim! I told you not to pulverise yourself!"
"And I didn't." He lifted a hand to interrupt him. "Look, Bones, it wasn't exactly my choice."
"What do you mean?"
"It was even windier up there," he expanded, pointing briefly at the sky, "and she was moving erratically. I lost my grip." He flexed his cold numbed fingers, relieved to feel warmth beginning to return. "Anyway, she would never have let me fall."
"It sure as hell didn't look that way from where I was standing," McCoy spat, fuming.
"Hagrid said they were responsible," Kirk shrugged. "I trusted her."
"Tha's righ'," Hagrid jumped in. "They're gentle creatures."
McCoy ignored him completely. "So I suppose you're going to try and tell me that you didn't feel any fear while you were plunging to what could have been your death?"
"A little," Kirk admitted. McCoy snorted.
"I recommend that we return to the castle as swiftly as possible," Spock said, staring at Kirk in concern.
The Captain suddenly realised that he was still shivering in the cool breeze. "Good idea, Mister Spock."
As they navigated through the forest once more, McCoy continued ranting, sounding ridiculously like a parent. "You are never riding one of those again! I'll make sure of that, even if it kills me!"
Wearily, Kirk blocked out the rest of McCoy's tirade, concentrating instead upon the comforting warmth by his side which was emanating from Spock. He tried inconspicuously to shift closer to the feverishly warm Vulcan, so that they were almost touching. Spock appeared not to notice and if he did, he did not show it. Kirk felt a rush of gratefulness and affection towards him.
"...not even listening to me, are you?" McCoy demanded after they left the relative shelter of the trees, stopping himself mid word-flow.
"Sorry," he shivered, crossing his arms in an attempt to brace himself against the cold breeze.
McCoy immediately softened, placing a caring and warm hand on Kirk's muscled bicep. "It's alright Jim. You just gave me a scare...I thought you were going to..." he didn't finish.
"I know Bones," Kirk replied, the scene replaying within his mind. "For a moment, so did I."
oOo
"That is outrageous," Snape spat, glaring at Dumbledore. "You cannot expect me to teach them without being able to punish them if they misbehave!"
"Misbehave?" McGonagall repeated. "They're not children, Severus."
"They will be setting an example to the class," Snape countered. "The students are unruly enough without further encouragement."
"I hardly think," McGonagall said, voice becoming steely, "that they would act inappropriately."
"You have not had the misfortune of conversing with them."
"What makes you think they need punishing, Severus?" Dumbledore asked mildly.
"The Doctor," Snape snarled, "will do anything to provoke an argument. I do not wish to see that happen in my class."
"I'm sure that you can handle him, Severus," the headmaster replied neutrally.
Snape sighed in frustration. "And the other professors?" He asked finally.
Dumbledore considered. "I hire only capable professors."
Snape leaned forwards. "Professor Umbridge," he spat, lip curling, "does not fit that description."
"I had no choice, as you well know."
"Are you using her as an excuse to give yourself the authority to punish guests?" McGonagall asked, eyebrows raised. Snape scowled. "I thought so. Really, Severus..."
"My decision is final," Dumbledore emphasised, leaning forwards in his chair and surveying them through half moon spectacles.
"Hem, hem!" Everyone aside from Dumbledore stiffened noticeably as they turned to stare at Umbridge, who was walking calmly through the door. "Trouble, headmaster?"
"That is none of your concern," Snape said smoothly.
"I do not need to remind you all, in particular you, Professor Snape, that as Professor for Defence Against the Dark Arts, I have a right to be privy to staff meetings." Snape's face grew colder at the reminder that he had once again failed to achieve his aim in becoming Defence teacher.
"Of course, Dolores," Dumbledore finally conceded; the full image of politeness. "Please, take a seat."
"Thank you, headmaster." She gazed pompously around the room, smiling sweetly. "Now what seems to be the problem?"
"We were discussing punishment during class," Snape said coldly, doing nothing to hide the animosity in his gaze.
Umbridge tittered. "I would have thought that such rules were decided upon the foundation of this school."
"Obviously," Snape sneered. "We are discussing a different matter."
"What would that be, hmm?" She asked once more.
"Professor Snape," McGonagall finally explained, "wishes to have the power to punish the three visitors in case, and I quote, they 'misbehave'."
"You did not tell me we had visitors?" She turned to face Dumbledore.
"I have had much to do," he said simply. "I was planning on telling you eventually."
"Well, now that I know," she simpered, "I think it's about time that I offered my opinion, don't you?"
"Must you?" Snape muttered, but Umbridge either had not heard him or had decided to ignore him.
"I think that Professor Snape's opinion is quite justified."
"It has been denied," Dumbledore said simply. "The laws of the school do not apply to guests."
"Laws can be changed," she suggested sweetly.
"Not while I am headmaster."
She tittered once again. "So silly of me, but it sounds as if you think you still have full authority." She produced a signed parchment and pushed it over to him.
"This is unexpected."
"Let me see," Snape demanded roughly, drawing the paper towards him. His eyes widened in surprise. "That is unacceptable."
"Are you questioning my authority, Professor Snape?" Umbridge simpered. He sullenly put the parchment back on the table. "I didn't think so. You have seen the Minister's signature. Now, perhaps you will reconsider your decision?" She demanded of Dumbledore.
"It seems I have little choice."
"Good. So it is agreed then; professors are to have the power to punish these 'visitors' in accordance with the school rules. It is only fair," she continued, "they are to engage in lessons, I presume, and as such should be subjected to our rules. We do not want the students to feel resentment, do we?" With one last sickly sweet smile, she waddled out the room.
McGonagall sighed. "Smile, Severus," she snapped roughly. "You just gained an ally who agrees with you. You should be happy," she stalked out the room.
"Professor," Snape said urgently, leaning across the table. "We cannot allow the Ministry to interfere with Hogwarts to this extent-"
"We have no choice, Severus," Dumbledore said gravely, leaning back in his chair. "It is done."