The horizon was becoming too familiar. The green of the ocean and the blue white sky as comforting to her as the hugs of her children or freshly washed scrubs and the smell of antibiotic soap.

This was becoming home, and Meredith wasn't sure what to make of that.

And then...

It vanished.

Meredith woke gasping for air through her paper mask. She blinked, expecting to fade into the dark night again, back to the beach, but it didn't happen. She breathed deeply, expecting a coughing fit, but none came. What?

Strangely, despite her stiff muscles, she felt... refreshed. Like she'd woken from a deep healing sleep.

Well, she supposed she had.

The room was dark, though light shone from the hallway, illuminating the cards and the many well wishes from her friends. Her gaze lingered for a moment on the construction paper drawings from her kids. God, what she wouldn't do for one of their sweet kisses right now.

She probably should pull the call button, so the nurses would know she was awake, but...

She just needed a moment.

To breathe. And reflect that she was truly alive. And say goodbye to the beach.

xxx

Maggie and Amelia burst into her room about forty minutes later.

Oh my God, Oh my God, Mere!

It's a miracle. Meredith you are a freaking Miracle.

She rolled her eyes. But considering all that had happened in her life... Damn right I am, she muttered.

They laughed. Meredith laughed too. Laughed some more. What? She asked her shocked siblings.

You're laughing, said Maggie.

Why not?

Then they all laughed again.

Because she could.

Deluca strutted in grinning from ear to ear.

Andrew...

You really had us going, Mere, he said. I'm glad you're awake.

Me too.

Alright, I'm just going to check your lungs, okay?

Meredith knew the drill and sat up so he could check her lungs.

Ah, that's cold! She said of his stethoscope.

Deep breath please, he said.

But it tickles! She jerked under him slightly, laughing again.

He chuckled too. Lean forward, he said, placing the stethoscope on her back.

Okay, better lung sounds than yesterday, and your inflammatory markers are decreasing... but uh, how do you feel?

Like I've been asleep for a week... Or a month.

It's like that whether you have COVID or not.

You've been mostly asleep for... eight days. Deluca said.

Whew! Eight days. It felt like a lifetime. She remembered bits and pieces of people and events during her waking moments, but most of it seemed to have washed under the waves of the beach.

She turned to Amelia. How are the kids? Have they been a lot? Be honest.

They could be a lot. Bailey was mischievous, and Zola bossy. Ellie looked sweet and cute until you found her painting herself and the walls purple with magic marker. She really felt bad for Amelia, knowing how crazy they could be.

This week? Ellis is leaving dishes all over the house. Bailey is mad that he can't fly, and Zola's teacher has asked that Zola stop 'correcting' her.

Meredith chuckled at their antics. At least they were alive, and mostly happy, coping without her. But she still really really missed them.

When can I leave?

Your oxygen requirements are decreasing, so if they continue in that direction, we can probably discharge you within a week, Deluca said.

A week. Not soon enough.

I'll be back in an hour to do another ABG okay?

xxx

Okay. Sats are incredible.

You must be able to do those in your sleep by now.

Sleep? What sleep?

Meredith turned to him, shocked.

Kidding, he said quickly. I've been getting sleep.

How are my patients doing?

If she wasn't worrying about her kids, she worried about her patients. The COVID ward was intense, and so were the relationships she'd formed with her patients. She cared deeply for each and every one of them. Now more than ever it seemed, as she now had a first hand perspective.

Okay, Randal, Thomson and Patel are okay. They were all discharged.

Walker? Meredith asked. They'd shared a moment once, talking about lost love.

Deluca shook his head.

Dammit.

Did his son get to see him at least?

He barely made it in time, but... yeah. Deluca nodded.

Meredith rubbed her aching limbs. I wish I could help.

If it's any consolation, I've been working here every single day, and I don't really feel like I'm much help either. He sighed as he re-bandaged her ABG site.

Deluca's pager beeped. Look, I really need to go- but

No, go. It's okay.

He stopped, looking directly in her eye. Hey. It's really good to hear your voice.

xxx

Wrapped in hospital blankets, Meredith stared outside, watching the rain patter lightly on the window. The beach seemed farther and farther away, and so did Derek. Despite her newfound health, her heart panged for him.

Still, she was glad to be alive.

And awake.

The rattle of the doorknob got her attention and she rolled over. Who?

Meredith stifled a surprised gasp as Tom Koracick was wheeled in. He dismissed the orderly with a wave. You can go now.

It got you too huh?

Like an eighteen-wheeler on a sheet of ice, he muttered. But uh, I just had to see for myself that it's possible to beat this thing.

Almost beat it. Meredith chimed, not to raise anybody's hopes. She'd met this 'thing' face to face before and knew how quickly it could turn.

You know how many rules you're breaking right now? She asked.

I really... just wanted to be in a room where no one was dying. Everyone's dying, he gasped.

Tears glistened lightly in his eyes, and Meredith saw his fear, and his humanity. Yeah, Koracick was the ass no one liked, but he was human too. Ass or not, he didn't deserve to be alone.

Meredith slipped her arm out of the warm blanket and reached weakly for him.

He leaned forward too, meeting her halfway and taking her hand in both of his.

I won't tell if you don't, she said, covering his hand with her free one.

xxx

They were laughing, having a conversation. The most human thing. Of course since it was Koracick, it was about sex, but- still...

It was good to have company. To see someone not covered in a gown and a face shield. To talk about something other than lung function and oxygen levels. Meredith sighed. She was feeling human again, and not a zombie.

Until a code team with a crash cart clattered by.

Watching, she resisted the urge to jump into the action. It would be a futile effort.

Koracick noticed too, and turned back to her. You don't realize how addicted you are to saving lives, until you can't.

I realized it.

Koracick changed the subject after a moment, joking about their ranking in the hospital, about the Catherine Fox Award, and even Catherine herself. And then her eye caught sight of a gurney rumbling by. The code team quietly pushed the covered body down the hall.

Damn it.

xxx

You're a workaholic.

Ah, work is all I have. That and a to-do list of many, many women. Koracick bragged.

That's not all you have.

In the brief time she'd known him, she'd seen a workaholic ass, yes. But that was just a facade, armor covering his true vulnerable self. Once you saw past his inflated ego, he was a good man who'd just been hurt too many times.

You miss the kids? He asked, proving her point.

So much it hurts, Meredith said. I even miss it when they say, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom so many times I want to change my name.

I used to be so angry at God for taking David away from me, but now I think it's kind of a blessing. He doesn't have to feel this, or worry about me. I don't have to worry about him.

Meredith stared, raising a brow. She didn't know what she would do if she didn't have kids.

Yeah, that's B.S. I'd kill for a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad about now, he choked. Just trying to silver-line something.

The door opened.

Are you kidding me? An orderly asked.

Arrest me officer. Koracick lifted his arms up in mock surrender. No, no, I've been a terrible, terrible patient.

Quickly he was wheeled out of the room.

Good luck with your plague, he called out.

Good luck with yours.

xxx

Meredith dropped the magazine against her chest.

V-tach alarms blared from the room across the hall, and no one was coming. Probably because the code team had rushed past her room to another patient only five minutes ago.

Still, no one was coming.

Crap.

Well she couldn't just lie here while someone was dying. Meredith rolled over and pulled the help cord. Taking a breath, she sat up, adrenaline surging in her veins. Addicted to life saving? Yup, she was definitely a junkie, because she had no clue how it was she was standing and practically running into that room. She'd been bed-ridden for almost two weeks.

But it didn't matter.

Meredith leaned over the body on the bed, feeling for a pulse. None. Immediately she began compressions on the woman's chest.

Dr. Grey, get back in bed. The code team will be here any minute.

She doesn't have that kind of time! Meredith growled.

She continued compressions.

Get me an E.T tube. Take over compressions.

Meredith maneuvered to the head of the bed and removed the headboard to get access to the patient's airway. As the nurses pounded on her chest, she fought to keep her hand steady as she angled the tube in.

Dr. Grey!

Alright, I'm in. Bag her. Meredith straightened up.

Everything swirled. She felt her legs moving, her feet slapping against linoleum. But-

God, she couldn't breathe!

What the hell are you doing? Helm yelled.

Crap. She wasn't going to make it-

Helm, get me a wheelcha-

xxx

She breathed deep breaths of salty air. The blue-white sky greeted her once again, as water crashed over the rocks.

Damn. She thought she would make it.

Was this her new home now?

A/N: And don't forget to check out Save Me and Off the Carousel