Wave after wave rolled and crashed while Meredith watched, lulled by the peaceful sound. Until she felt a presence.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, seeing Andrew beside her.
"Hey yourself!" He caught her gaze for a second then scooped up a rock, bouncing it in his hand before flinging it into the surf.
She watched it fly through the air and splash in the ocean. "Impressive."
"Your turn." He smiled. "Let's see what you got."
She knew from experience that she really wasn't that great at the whole rock tossing thing, but for once, she didn't care. "Okay," she chuckled. She picked up a jagged stone and gave a little heave.
"There you go," Andrew encouraged. "Just gotta put a little more muscle into it."
"Yeah." It's not like she was even trying. She laughed again. It was so easy to laugh here. "You know, this is the first time in my life I can ever remember not feeling competitive," she said.
Her friend cocked an eyebrow. "Is this your life?"
"What?" She bent down and picked up another rock, examining it in her hands.
"Well, you said the first time in your life," he said. "But I don't know. I'm not so sure. Are we alive?"
She looked up from the sandstone. She hadn't seen Derek again. Somehow she knew that the closer she got to him... the more the living world would cease to exist for her. "I think so," she said. She flung the rock into the crest of the wave, watching the white foam scratch the surface. Andrew took in a sharp deep breath. And for just a second, she felt a pang that he was here. Then it was gone. Andrew looked happy, at peace... the weight of the world was gone from his shoulders. "You look good. The beach suits you."
He gave her a similar appraising glance. "You too."
xxx
She didn't know how she knew, but she knew why Andrew was here. Or how, rather. Did he regret it? Following his instincts and chasing after that woman?
"I don't regret it," he said as he walked beside her.
"How did you know I was wondering that?"
"I don't know. I just did." He cast his gaze over the blue-green horizon. Their feet scuffed the sand, leaving undefined footprints. "I don't regret it."
They went about their walk, Meredith listening as Andrew spoke of the injustice in the world now. How brokenness and damage has become so commonplace that people are blind to it, 'none of our business.' He spoke of the government using well earned tax dollars to commit 'crimes and cruelties.' The world was turning against itself and nobody was listening.
"Makes no sense," Andrew said. "But what you did, Meredith, risking your medical license to save that little girl, that made sense. And what I did... Following that woman, not letting up, not letting her get away, not letting her harm another single human being- Yeah, it was dangerous, but it made sense."
Meredith squinted at her friend in the light. Her once-lover, and knew... This was Andrew. Here in this place, she could really see him, know him, and it all made sense. Away from the beach, in real life... she knew it wouldn't make any sense at all... But here...
"It's the only thing that made sense," he said. "So I don't regret it."
xxx
When she saw him again, he was building a sand castle. His hands ran quickly over the wet sand, digging, pounding and smoothing it all around.
"The tide is coming in!" she called. The spray tickled her ankle.
"I know."
"It's gonna wash it away."
"I know," Andrew continued, working hard to finish his creation. "I'm trying to beat it."
"You're trying to beat the tide?" The water was rushing in, and fast. Already it licked and lapped over her previous footsteps, filling them in.
"Yeah. I had more to do. I had plans." Andrew continued frantically. "Wanted to do another tower over here and a... a... A bridge with a moat." He dug and scooped another mound even as he watched the impending tsunami. "Tide's coming in too fast," he muttered. Still working, trying... "Come on."
Meredith could only watch. The castle was lovely, beautiful. It even had a little staircase. But the water was inevitable.
"It's too fast," Andrew panted. He knew it was too late, but still he tried. "I had plans," the water hit. The castle slid over like a landslide as they jumped away from the wave. "Come on," Andrew cried out. "You can't build a sand castle without a moat," he moaned. But the water reclaimed its prize. Andrew sighed, defeated. "I don't know what happens from here, Meredith."
The sandcastle wasn't really a sandcastle, Meredith knew. It was everything but. And now it was gone. "Me either," she said.
"But no matter what happens," Andrew continued, "I want you to know that I never felt seen the way you saw me. I never felt inspired the way you inspired me. You made me want to be not just my best self, but better. And yeah, I felt small around you sometimes. I felt insecure..."
The warm wind gusted, ruffling their hair. Andrew seemed... he seemed more somehow. Meredith waited, patiently listening. They never got this chance to break through their walls. To have closure on their relationship. "I wanted something from you that I needed to give to myself," he said. "But here, now, on this beach with you, I... I get it. I don't just get it, I feel it. I get who I am. I know my own soul, my strength."
Meredith blinked, she got it too. And knew what it meant. It was time for him to go. She didn't want him to go. Not yet. "Do you want to take a walk?" she asked. "We can watch the sunset from the dock."
"In a minute," Andrew gazed at her deeply. "I just want to feel this first. I just want to hold onto this a little longer."
xxx
Sunset blazed across the sky, turning the water purple. She dangled her feet from the dock, basking in the warmth of the sun and the shelter of her friend.
"Andrea!" A voice called in the distance. Andrew turned to the sound. Meredith turned too, seeing a lovely woman far at the end of the beach.
"Mom?" He gasped. "Mom?"
"Andrea!" She waved, almost bouncing on her feet.
"I'll miss you," Meredith said. "If I go back and you don't, I'll miss you," she said. She knew... if she returned to the land of the living, his death... his absence from her life and her kids would profoundly affect her.
"It'll be okay, Meredith. It will," he assured. The sun glinted in his eyes. "It'll be okay."
"Andrea!" His mother called again.
"I have to go," he said, urgently, almost as if he was compelled.
"Okay," Meredith nodded.
"Mama!" Andrew called. He bounded off the dock and ran fast toward the one person who loved him more than anything in the world. Their embrace was like a clap of thunder. Meredith watched, happy for him. That they were together now, that he didn't feel any pain. That he had been somehow reconciled to himself and the world. And as they walked down the beach, arm in arm, as Andrew waved to her, she wondered what it would feel like to be embraced wholly and completely by the one man who turned her world.