A/N: I'm back with this one. Second last chapter guys.

People often ask what I've learned from surviving COVID. I know they mean well, but it's a really annoying question. Being away from work, my children, getting hooked up to a vent... It's not exactly a masterclass.

Though it did teach me something.

It taught me that I'm still alive.

Rose petals slipped from her fingers and floated along beside her, marking a pink and red trail. Meredith put her face to the wind. It swirled her hair around as she walked along the beach, the real beach. The sand was definitely real this time. She paused, lost to the sound of the crashing waves around her. For a second, she thought she saw him come around the edge of the rocks, but it was not so.

It'd been a long recovery.

A long year.

And she was alive.

Months ago:

"Relax. And come off the mouthpiece."

Meredith eased back from the equipment, staring at her doctors, her friends as she waited for the results. "Well, don't just stare at me. Did I pass?"

"Not only did you pass," said Altman, "but your lung capacity is 50% greater than we'd expect."

"And your sats are consistently in the high 90's." Owen added.

Meredith could only grin. It was what she expected, and she was so relieved. She was getting out, finally.

"We're gonna have this framed," Maggie said, clutching the paper. "No, I am. I am having this framed."

xxx

Her last day in the hospital had been a real rollercoaster of emotions. Her sister was engaged to a man she hadn't even met, though she heard him in her dreams. And from Zola, "Well Zola can not stop talking about his dance moves, so I think he's in," Meredith had told Richard and Bailey, before informing Maggie she'd grown out of wearing ugly bridesmaids dresses.

"Who said anything about being a bridesmaid?"

Now Jackson, Meredith's good friend and colleague who had been with her since residency, was leaving. He'd figured some things out about himself, his name, and the world. He wanted to make things better. And that meant leaving for Boston. She was happy for him, but also... sad. They were the last two from their residency class. George, Izzie, Cristina, Alex, and April had all moved on... now he was too.

"Did I ever tell you what I thought the first time I met you?" she asked him when he came to tell her in person.

"Oh, God. Um...'legacy hire,' probably. - Or, 'Is he single?' maybe?"

"Noo!" Meredith laughed.

"No. No, no, no, 'legacy hire' is what I... Is what I meant, yeah."

"I thought, 'That's a big name to live up to.'" And nobody really knew then, who he was. But she knew, and understood.

"I mean, you would know."

"Mm," Meredith shrugged. If there was anything they bonded over, it was that. Mutual understanding of legacy.

"I honestly can't imagine a time when the name wasn't ruined."

"It isn't ruined," Meredith argued. "It took some well-deserved hits, and you are making it your own. You're reinventing it... I'm impressed."

"Well, don't give up hope. There's still plenty of time for you to make something of your life, kid." Jackson joked.

She chuckled, "Okay, now you can go."

"I guess this is, uh... the real thing, huh? This is it."

Saying goodbye was harder than she thought. Jackson had been there for so long. He was a brother to her. They pushed each other in all the best ways. Even now. She would miss him. "You're not gonna come to my clap-out?"

"How do you know about the clap-out?

"Are you new here? No one can keep a secret."

"Oh, God."

"I mean, I know it's become a tradition, but it really feels..."

"It's a little too much. I know."

It felt like a lot, she told him. People were still suffering, still dying. She hadn't done anything, really. Just hung in there. It'd been her doctors and nurses, her family and Richard, and her great healthcare that got her through. Not to mention a little help from beyond the grave. She'd just been lucky. She should be applauding everyone else. "Yeah. It just feels..."

"I feel you," Jackson said. "But none of them are gonna stop. They're all gonna be there. I'll be there. I just didn't want that to be our, uh... I-I didn't want it to be our goodbye." He choked out.

"I don't want this to be our big goodbye," Meredith said, fighting the lump in her throat. Despite his riding off into the sunset, it still saddened her that he was leaving. Another friend gone. "You go give 'em hell, Avery," she said.

"Well, thanks for showing me how."

She smiled as he left, but hugged her pillow to stave off the pang of loneliness in her heart.

xxx

And then there was Andrew.

She'd known some time after she'd woken, that he was truly gone. No one told her, but she knew. It was especially confirmed after the first couple days of her recovery when she noted that he hadn't come by to visit. Her dream had been real then. Much like her mother had visited her the day she died, so had Andrew.

And she missed him. Missed his courage, his compassion. She could only imagine his reaction to her finally being awake. Alive, talking and walking.

"It'll be okay, Meredith. It will." She remembered him saying in her dreams. At first it wasn't. There were a few nights when she'd rolled over in bed, expecting him to be by the window, only to find it empty. Or moments when she'd check her phone and type his name to text him, only to stop halfway through.

And there were some times when she was alone, a little bored and lonely, but... she felt him. Except, for all the hints she was dropping, no one was saying anything. Until Bailey and Richard came into her room, hunched and somber, the door closing behind them.

"What is it?" Meredith asked. "What? Pleural effusion? The physical therapist changed his mind about rehab?" She put down her discharge papers. She didn't think she could stand being here one more second.

"No, no, no. Nothing like that," Richard said.

"Then, what is it?"

"M-Meredith, there is something we need to tell you." Bailey said.

She didn't like the look on her face. Who died? Or who has COVID? Or-

"It's about Andrew," Richard added.

Meredith stared at him, momentarily caught off guard. She looked at Bailey, saw her press her lips together and her eyes soften. Oh. It was really true then. Really real. Andrew was... She saw him on the edges of her vision. Replaying him throwing stones, building castles.

But here, now, on this beach with you, I get it. I don't just get it. I feel it. I get who I am. I know my own soul, my strength.

She eyed her sorrowed friends. "He's okay," she said. They didn't need to say it. Those words every doctor dreads.

"Meredith," Bailey pleaded. "He's not."

Meredith picked up her bag from the chair and put it on the bed. How else could she explain it? Carefully she studied her friends as she sought the best way to describe what she knew.

She let out a breath.

Andrea!

Mom? Mom?

Andrea!

I have to go.

Andrea!

Mama!

"He... is with his mother," she said finally.

xxx

Evading the clap-out had been easier said then done. Of course she'd known about it for days already. It'd just taken one look through the window at the surreptitious glances from nurses and all the other staff to figure it out. The problem was everybody knew her, and everybody knew about the clap-out. She was going to need a little help.

"Psst, Avery!" She whispered as she saw him by the nurses station, dropping off his namebadge and some papers.

"You okay?"

"Fine. Perfect. But I do not want to be clapped out."

He eyed the bustling station. "Yeah, it is a... a little crowded here, isn't it?"

"Get me out of here."

"How?"

"I don't know." Meredith could already spot Perez selecting a wheelchair across the room. He'd been giving her looks all day. Nurses and staff alike smiled and waved at her. There was no way she could be alone.

"Hmm." Jackson pressed his lips together. "Okay, I think I got an idea. Just stay in your room for a minute, okay?"

When Jackson returned, he was covered head to toe in full COVID PPE.

"What?"

"Shh. Just follow me around the corner quickly and grab your bag."

She did, grateful that her room was on a corner and she could duck down the hall.

"Quick, jump on the gurney." Jackson lifted the sheet up.

"Are you serious?"

"You wanna sneak outta here right?"

"This... this is crazy!"

"You want this or a clap out? C'mon, we just have to make it to the elevator."

Meredith shook her head and obliged, allowing Jackson to cover her with a sheet. The gurney rolled along, and Meredith tried to imagine Bailey's expression when she found out Perez would be empty-handed at the clap-out. She heard the ding of the elevator bell, and the doors open, and Jackson pushed her through.

She sat up on the gurney and brushed the sheet away, rising from the dead again, so-to-speak. Jackson snorted, laughing, as he peeled off his PPE. "I can't believe I'm doing this," he said. They bunched his PPE together with the sheet on the gurney. When the elevator stopped, Jackson peered out. "Coast is clear. C'mon." He ditched the gurney in the hall, and like secret agents, they traversed the back hallways to get to the rear exit.

Meredith paused about 30 feet from the door, taking deep breaths.

"You okay?"

"Yeah... I just... need a minute."

"Hang on," he disappeared around the corner.

He came back with a wheelchair.

"I can...walk," Meredith said.

"Just get in, I'll go fast. It'll be fun."

She couldn't refuse.

A second later, Jackson was pushing her out of the hospital, speeding through the parking lot. The cool breeze brushed her long hair aside and she found herself squealing like a little kid. "Wheee!"

"You're really milking this," Jackson said as she laughed. "You're supposed to leave the chairs at the entrance!"

"But this is so much more fun!"

"Your chariot," he opened the door. "You good?"

"Take me home," she said. Because now memories and images, sounds, and even smells of her children made her body ache with longing.

xxx

She snuck up to the door. It felt strange to be here after being gone so long, but already she heard Amelia calling Bailey's name, no doubt chasing him around the house. Softly, she opened it, to avoid a grand entrance, and stepped in. Zola was the first one her gaze landed on. Her oldest worked dilegently on a colorful sparkly poster.

She closed the door.

"Mommy!" Ellis announced suddenly, running to her from the playroom. Her small body crashed into hers. Amelia and Bailey froze mid-chase, seeing her in the doorway, and Zola launched herself from the floor, dropping her marker. The calls of her children were a chorus to her ears, a symphony to her heart surrounding her completely. Meredith smiled so hard, she thought her lips would fall off. She'd missed this simple human touch so much...

As they squeezed her with all their might, she cast a glance to Amelia, beaming thanks her way.

Ending up on the couch, the kids sprawled on the floor in front of her, continuing to work on posters and cards. Meredith ran her fingers through Ellis' hair. God, it was getting so long, and so beautiful, she just wanted to braid it.

As she did so, Amelia bustled about, cleaning up.

"I swear, we were not living like this most of the time," she was saying, hands full of stuff.

Meredith couldn't stand it, "Amelia, come sit down," she waved her down. "It's just the way I like it," she reassured. She'd never been the neatest person. And raising three kids, she'd learned to lower her expectations. She didn't mind the mess. That wasn't important now. Her kids were fed, (mostly) bathed, and happy. Nothing else mattered now. This- being home, her kids within an arms reach, the smell of cooking, and sparkle glitter on the carpet- this was home. "You did a great job. I can never thank you enough," she told her sister.

"Okay-" Link burst in, walking right past them in the living room, "I think she's on her way home- hurry up and get the signs and the donuts and-" he backed up, flashing an 'Oops' smile.

Donuts? She hadn't had donuts in ages! "Is there really donuts?" Meredith asked.

"In the kitchen. Don't move," Link said.

"It's not done yet," said Zola, holding up a gorgeous pink welcome home sign covered in hearts and flowers and stars, and every color of the rainbow. "But- we made this for you."

Meredith held the corner, appraising it. "I love it! It is so beautiful!" She put it aside, "Okay, everybody come sit up here. Let's eat donuts. You all can tell me every single thing that happened while I was gone." And she couldn't wait to hear it. All of it.

xxx

Late that night in her own bed, covered with her children and under the welcome home banner, Meredith let out a few tears.

The kids worn themselves out talking and talking and showing her every little thing. Zola read her a school paper that she'd written, Ellis told tales of Frankie the stray alley-cat, and Bailey bounced and jostled, just wanting to be tickled. They'd worn her right out too, though she didn't mind. She stared death in the face and won again.

She was alive.

Her family, her village, helped her.

Her kids enveloped her now, and she never wanted to go back.

She didn't miss him anymore. She didn't have to. He was still here.

Wanna know a secret? I even miss the pain.

She was ready for it. Because pain... meant life.

She closed her eyes.

A/N: Not done yet! Stay tuned for last chapter!