Chapter 29

The next time he woke up, Tim had hoped that he'd be feeling better.

He wasn't. He definitely felt no better, and he might even be able to say that he felt somewhat worse. He ached all over. His head hurt. He was still tired. All in all, Tim didn't really enjoy this and would like to have just stayed asleep.

But he was awake and no matter what else, he knew the case wasn't over yet and that was enough to get him to open his eyes and see what would come with this awakening.

"Tim, you're awake?"

Tim turned his head and saw Tony sitting there. Ducky was gone. That was fine. Ducky was more likely to insist that he get more rest...which he did want but it wasn't happening at the moment.

"Yeah, unfortunately. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"I'll bet you're not," Tim said.

"No more than you are," Tony said. "You really didn't use the computer to find me?"

"No, I didn't."

"Why not? You're the computer guy. That's what you always do."

"Because there was too little go on. We knew where you had been, but we didn't know anything else. It took me nearly a month of asking every person I saw on the street if they'd seen you to find someone who knew something. A computer search can't do that," Tim said, trying to sound matter-of-fact. "It didn't take any skill. Just time."

Tony didn't look at all convinced by that.

"Tim, Ducky and Gibbs both were really worried about you before."

"They're overreacting."

"I don't think they are. I can tell you're only pretending that it's not a big deal. Just how bad was it? I mean you were talking about a coma and stuff, but it wasn't just that."

"I think a coma is enough. Don't you?" Tim asked.

"Yeah, I do. But I think there was more."

Tim sighed. He didn't want to get into this yet again.

"Tim, what more was there?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm fine...or I will be once I recover from getting beat up."

"It's not just about getting beat up, Tim. Even when I saw you in the bar, before I knew who you were, I didn't think you looked very good. Why are you trying to ignore it?"

"It doesn't matter. It's not important. I'm lying here in a hospital bed and I've been told I won't be allowed to leave it for a while. I'm staying. It's fine."

"It's not fine. Tim, based on what Ducky told me, you would have killed yourself rather than give up on trying to find me."

"He exaggerated."

"No, I don't think he did."

Tony looked very concerned and Tim really didn't want that.

"Tony, I was your backup. Of course, I had to look for you. I was the only one who could."

"The only one? No one else could have done what you did?"

"No, because no one else..." Tim stopped and looked away.

"No one else, what?"

"Nothing."

"What, Tim?"

Tim took a breath and refused to make eye contact as he answered.

"No one else was willing to give up everything. I'd been refusing to do anything but look for you. Vance almost fired me, but Gibbs got him to give me a month to work on it. I had two days left before Vance was going to fire me when I found the homeless guy who helped you in Norfolk."

"And if it had taken longer?"

"I would have given up my job and kept looking."

"What if I had been dead? What if everyone else had been right and I was dead?"

"I don't know."

"Tim, what if... what if Captain Blaine had been right and I was dirty?"

"No. I'd never believe that unless I saw you doing it with my own eyes. You're not perfect Tony, but you're the last cop I'd ever think would be dirty."

Tim was studiously avoiding looking at Tony so he was completely surprised when Tony suddenly hugged him. Tim turned and looked at Tony as he let him go.

"Tim... I'm not worth all that. You never thought of me like that before."

Tim stared at his lap. "I never thought you could be dirty, Tony. No matter what other problems I had with you in the past, I never thought you were a dirty cop. And I couldn't let anyone accuse you of that when... if I'd done my job, there would have been no question."

"Done your job? Tim, I remember that night. You were doing your job. If anything, I was making it harder because I insisted on running the program that you had designed. I said I had got the data. I got to put it together. We would have been done faster if you had done it. You were doing everything you should have done."

"I wasn't your backup when it mattered."

Tony laughed incredulously. "Tim, you had just fallen three stories. What do you think you could have done?"

"Not fallen."

"Tim, the only reason I'm not smacking you on the head right now is because you begged me not to let anyone touch your head. Don't you get it? I pushed you out the window onto the fire escape. Your foot caught on the window frame, and the railing was rusted. It didn't hold you. Nothing about that was your fault."

"You were alone when you needed someone there."

Tim was again taken by surprise when Tony grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him a little. It hurt his head, but he didn't a chance to complain about that.

"And that's not your fault, Tim! I can't tell you how amazed I am that you did all that to find me, but you can't make me more important than you. I won't accept that. We both lost something in that operation. Even if what I lost is more melodramatic than what you lost, we both lost something, and we both need to get that back. Both of us. You hear me? Both of us."

"But do you really want to?" Tim asked, after a moment.

Tony let him go.

"I don't know. Mostly."

"Would you stay here?" Tim asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Tony looked at him for a long moment. Then, he smiled a little. It wasn't really a happy smile, but it was a smile.

"No. I knew from day one that this wasn't where I was supposed to be. Besides, I want to get my hands on Captain Blaine and rip him a new one for attacking my probie."

"You don't need to do that. He probably wasn't there that night, and I know he wasn't there when Ensign Thomas beat me up."

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

"The interrogation he put you through. Ducky told me about it, about what he said to you."

"Oh. It's not about that."

"Yes, it is, and even if it's not, he was completely out of line and I'm going to make sure he knows it."

Then, the door opened and Gibbs came in with a laptop. Tim was surprised, given Gibbs' order previously.

"What's up, Boss?" he asked.

Gibbs looked a little irritated, but he held out the laptop.

"Get into that flash drive, make sure everything is set and get it sent back to Ellie. She's going to start things going to arrest Captain Blaine, but we need to know everything is set."

"Ellie? By herself?"

"Lovitz will help her out. Get to it."

"Thought I was out of it," Tim said.

"You encrypted the flash drive. We don't have time to break it."

Tim suppressed a smile. There was something just a little bit satisfying in Gibbs being forced to have Tim do a little bit of work. It was silly perhaps, but that was the way he felt. He took the laptop and the flash drive and plugged it in.

"How is it encrypted? I know I didn't do that," Tony said. "Even if I knew how and I'm positive I don't, I wouldn't have had time to do it."

"I set up an automatic encryption," Tim said. "Just in case."

"Oh."

Tim looked at the screen and he felt like the light was piercing into his brain. He had to dim the brightness on the display so that he could look at it for more than five seconds. But he tried to do so without being obvious about it. Then, he opened up the flash drive and decrypted it without any trouble. He had hoped that seeing this stuff would finally jar his lost memory, but no. Nothing about it was familiar. However, he recognized the program he had set up to do the analysis.

Quickly, he got into the program and started running through the data. All the sources were marked, and the links between the different people that had apparently led them to firm identifications. It was all new to Tim but he was seeing the connections. Names he remembered from before that day.

"Well?" Gibbs asked.

"It looks like it's all here," Tim said. Then, he turned the screen to Tony. "Do you remember enough to say whether or not I'm right?"

Tony actually looked hesitant, but he leaned over to see.

"As far as I remember, that looks like the last thing we got before they came."

"Good. Send it," Gibbs said.

Tim brought up his email and sent it off to Ellie. Then, before he could do anything else, Gibbs whipped the laptop out of his hands.

"Boss, what about the LAPD?" Tony asked. "Shouldn't they know, too?"

"They will. And you're staying here until we're sure we've got the guys here."

Tim saw Tony's expression go from surprised to disappointed. He'd wanted to leave. Tim knew that the hospital wasn't the most exciting place to be, but he was still afraid that, even though Tony had said he couldn't stay here, he might still disappear again.

"How long will that take?" Tony asked, finally.

"You got somewhere to be?"

"Yeah, actually. I've had a job here, Boss, and no, it wasn't a big important one, but it's still a job I've been hired to do."

"You could use my phone to call," Tim suggested, hesitantly.

Tony glanced at him but then looked back at Gibbs. Gibbs' eyebrow went up.

"For at least the next day," Gibbs said.

"Okay. I guess I'll use your phone, then, Tim."

Tim reached over and picked it up and then handed it to Tony. Tony took it and then walked out of the room, probably to have some privacy. Left alone with Gibbs, Tim tried to avoid his gaze.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"How are you feeling, Tim?"

"Terrible," Tim admitted.

"Your head?"

"Aches. I'm a little dizzy when I move it too fast."

"I'm getting your doctor in here."

Tim looked up to protest, and Gibbs held up his hand.

"No arguments."

Tim sighed and lay back on the bed. He said nothing.

Gibbs left the room and Tim was actually alone for the moment. As he lay there, he thought about all the major developments that had happened just in the last few days. He had gone from not knowing where Tony was, to finding him, to finding him with amnesia, to getting beat up, to getting back the information they'd gathered.

And Tim was stuck here in the hospital bed, unable to do anything about any of it.

But really, the only thing he genuinely cared about was making sure that Tony was really okay.

And I can't do that, either.

He sighed. They were succeeding and he still felt like he'd fallen short.

The door opened and Gibbs came back in with Dr. Bates.

"Well, Agent McGee, I hear you're still not feeling very good."

"No."

"All right. Then, I think it's time to get that scan I wanted you to get before. We have an opening now, so I want to get you right in and make sure there's nothing serious going on. Any new bleeds could be dangerous."

"Okay."

Tim didn't try to resist. He just didn't have the energy for it. Instead, he let Dr. Bates send him back for an MRI.

"Now, just try to relax and don't move, Agent McGee. It's not very comfortable but..."

"I've had too many of these already, Dr. Bates," Tim said. "I know how it goes."

Dr. Bates smiled sympathetically.

"We'll get this done as quickly as we can."

"I know," Tim said, glumly. "Believe me. I know."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"So I really am not sure when I can come back to the bar... if at all, Jack."

"That's all right, Jo– or I guess I should call you Tony, now."

"I guess. But... Jack, I don't want to go without playing one more time."

There was a long pause.

"Tony, you won't find yourself in my bar. Eight months here didn't do that."

"I know."

"Well, you're welcome to play in my bar anytime."

Tony smiled.

"Thanks, Jack. Nothing was going to be easy for me, but you made it as easy as it could have been. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't been able to work for you."

"You'd have figured something out. You're a survivor, Tony. I could tell. I just made it easier for you to survive."

"You did more than that, Jack."

"Anytime you want to come by."

"Thanks. Bye."

Tony hung up and walked back to Tim's room. When he got there, it was empty. And Tony felt a sudden surge of panic. Where was Tim? What had happened in the few minutes he'd been gone? Where–?

The door opened.

"Oh, Anthony. I had wondered but..."

"Where's Tim?" Tony asked. "Where did he go? He's... gone, Ducky. He's gone."

The fear was almost blinding in its intensity. There was a roaring in his ears. As ambivalent as he'd been about all this stuff before, now, he was terrified that something had happened, that Tim had been taken, that he was dead again, that...

"Anthony, breathe."

"Where is he?"

Ducky shook him.

"Breathe, Anthony!"

Tony took a deep breath and everything started to clear up again.

"Good. You're looking better. Keep breathing."

"Where's Tim?"

"He's getting an MRI, just to make sure there are no slow bleeds developing. Timothy's brain is still in a relatively fragile state and it's best to be cautious. Are you all right?"

Tony let out a loud exhale and sighed with relief.

"I thought... something had happened... when I wasn't here."

Ducky forced him to sit down, and Tony didn't resist much. His legs were feeling pretty shaky.

"Have you spoken to anyone yet?"

"A shrink, you mean?"

"Yes."

"No."

"You should."

"I'll be fine."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. You're dealing with many different problems all at once and a psychiatrist could help you navigate through that a little more easily."

"You think I need that?" Tony asked.

"Yes. Would you permit me to find out if that would be possible?"

"I guess so."

"Good. Stay here and I'll be right back."

"Okay."

Tony sat where he was and looked at the empty bed. He swallowed.

Maybe Dr. Bates had been right. Maybe he did need this.

He could give it a try.