We were never meant to be alone. It's not how we were created. Especially in times like this. Times were you wonder if anyone will ever find you and help you escape from the crushing weight of the world you're under.

Times where you feel like you're stuck out in the middle of the roaring ocean and all you have to hang onto is a small boat.

Times where...there's no answers. No resolution. No second chances.

How could we go through those times alone?

These thoughts crossed my mind as I woke up this morning. I guess I had cried myself to sleep because I don't remember anything else. All I remember was Tony holding me as I cried and screamed. I groaned as I remembered this detail. How embarrassing. I'm sure he was really uncomfortable too as Tony isn't really one to show a lot of emotion unless he was really close to you. But I wouldn't say that I completely regretted it because for the first time in days, I felt like I could breathe a little easier though a dull ache still remained.

I couldn't lay there any longer though as I was wide awake. But when I sat up, a headache from hell hit me. I cursed as I opened a bottle of medicine and took two pills. As I sat on the edge of the bed, I could hear people around the house moving around, telling me that the Padilla house was now alive and active. I wondered briefly where Tony was but figured he was with his family. Thinking of my own family, I found my phone and turned it on.

As I expected, several messages and missed calls popped up. I scrolled through and listened to multiple voice messages from my mom, a few friends, and random people I knew. 90% of them were checking on me and giving their condolences about Hannah. A lot of them I didn't pay attention to and deleted to free up space. And then I got to older messages from Hannah and realized that there was an unopened message from October 10th that hadn't been listened too. My finger hovered the messages but I couldn't bring myself to listen to them. Not yet.

It was too early to cry.

I decided that I needed to call my mother and let her know that I was okay. I pressed her number and let it ring until she answered on the third ring. "Hello?" She greets sleepily.

"Mom? It's Meghan. Did I wake you?"

"Hey sweetie, no you didn't. I'm just tired. Is everything alright?" She asks worriedly.

"No, everything is fine. I just wanted to check in." I explain. "And to apologize. I, uh, I didn't mean to freak you guys out. I just...I..." I sigh, frustrated. "I couldn't stand it in that house any more. I-" My voice cracks.

"It's okay, honey. Um, take the time that you need. You're cleared to be out of school this week and uh, just...just come home when you're ready, okay?" She says, her voice thick with emotion. "Oh and uh, if you need to talk to someone, um, we have a therapists in mind and uh, your school councilor has been in touch too if you need someone to talk too."

I swallow hard and though part of me wants to snap at her, I know she's trying to help so I calm myself down. "Thanks, Mom. I'll let you know. Um, I'm doing okay right now. I just...I'm trying to take it one day at a time. But I'll try to be home some time this week." I pause, trying to be considerate. "As long as it's okay with you."

"Yeah..." She trails off and I can tell she's trying to be strong. "Yeah, honey, that's fine. Just let us know. I'm uj. I think I'm going to through some of Hannah's things today if you want to join me."

I tense up. "Not yet, Mom. Not yet. But...soon. I promise." I say sincerely.

"Okay,sweetie. Well, we'll be in and out of the store today if you wanna stop by." She offers.

I hear a knock at the door. "Come in." I answer, thankful for the distraction. "I gotta go, Mom. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye." She says then hangs up the phone the same time Tony comes in.

"Good morning." He comes in with two coffee cups.

"Good morning. Thank you." I greet as he hands me a coffee cup.

He smiles as he sits next to me. "How you feeling today?"

"A little drained but better." I answer as I drink my coffee. "That was my mom that I was talking too."

"Oh yeah? How she doing?"

I shrug. "As good as she can I guess." I say then look down at my hands. "I feel bad...being away from her. I know she's hurting but I...I just find myself snapping at her and saying things things I don't mean. She means well and she offered for me to go through Hannah's things with her but I can't. I just...I don't want to be in that house right now."

"Understandable. You need time. It's not something you get over overnight." He sympathizes.

"It just doesn't feel real, Tony. I still expect to call or text me. When I'm home I expect her to barge into my room and steal my clothes or hog the bathroom or sit on the couch next to me. Little things. And now...it's so different." I confide in him.

Tony nods in understanding. "It's weird not seeing her in the halls. Sitting to an empty seat instead of her making weird faces at me when she was bored. Tagging me in stupid memes or giving me a hard time about a guy I liked." He chuckles to himself. "She was a good person. Good friend."

I offer a sad smile as I fight back tears."I miss her."

"Nothing wrong with that." He replies gently.

I quickly wipe tears away then straighten up. "Um, thank you for, ya know, last night. I'm sorry for breaking down like that." I say embarrassed.

"Nothing wrong with breaking down. Means you can be built back up." He encourages with a soft smile.

I return it and squeeze his arm. "I sure hope so, Tony." I whisper meaningfully. "What did you have planned for today? Is there anything I can help with?"

Tony shakes his head. "My day is free. I thought, if you're up to it, we could go on a hike." He offers.

"That sounds amazing, actually. I need some fresh air." I say somewhat excitedly. I loved hiking.

"As long as you take a shower afterwards." He teases mischievously, earning a slap on the arm from me.

"Shut up." I grumble, making us both laugh then I realize something. "I'll have to go by house to pick up some hiking clothes and my boots."

Tony can see the troubled look on my face. "Okay. We'll make it quick." He says reading between the lines.

We made it to my house but I froze and couldn't open the door. "Meg? You okay?" Tony asks beside me.

I shake my head. "This is ridiculous. I can't even bring myself to go into my own house." I grumble but then yank the door open.

"Want me to come with you?"

I think for a moment then feel petty but sheepishly nod yes. "If you don't mind."

Tony follows me inside and I announce my presence. "Mom?" I call for her.

"Meghan?" She calls back curiously and then appears. She looks how I feel and it's a hard sight to see as she normally is full of life and so happy. But she cheers up when she sees me and gives me a big hug. "Hey sweetie, I'm so glad you came by."

I smile and then clear my throat. "Tony and I were about to go on a quick hike. I just came by to get some clothes." I explain. "If that's okay."

She nods and forces a smile. "That's fine. I'll keep Tony company while you get your clothes." She says.

I give a quick glance to Tony who nods and waves at me to go. As I go upstairs, I hear mom and him make small talk until I'm all the way up into my room.

It feels weird. Like it belongs to a stranger. All of my pictures are backwards and my bed is still a mess. However my mom did do some laundry and I had folded clothes on my bed. I grab a backpack and put my hiking clothes along with some others and grab my boots. Once I leave my room, I once again freeze by the bathroom, seized by a memory...

"Hannah? I'm home! Where are you? I brought you food!" I announce as I barge into her bedroom. It was empty. Everything was so neat. I set my stuff and start calling for her. "Hannah? You home?!'

That's when I heard the water running. I knock on the door. "Hannah-" I step forward into a big puddle. "The fu-Hannah!" *knock knock* "Yo, did you fall asleep?!" I bang on the door again several times. "Come on now, you're flooding the bathroom-" the door gives in and I'm met with a sight that would haunt me forever.

"Meghan?" I'm brought to the presence by my mother's voice and turn around to face her. Behind her is Tony, his eyebrow slightly raised in question. "Honey...are you okay?"

I shake myself out the memory I was in and force a smile and nod. "Yeah, I'm fine." I clear my throat and look at Tony. "I'm ready when you are."

"Okay." He says unconvinced then heads towards the door.

I pass my mom but she lightly grabs my arm. I turn to face her. "Meghan, are you sure you're okay?" She asks worriedly.

I look away and shake my head 'no'. "No...it's um...it's the bathroom. I can't...I can't go in there." I reply honestly. "Not yet."

"Honey..." She trails off as she touches my face, her eyes watering. Truth was, she didn't know what to say either.

"It's okay, Mom. We'll get through it." I say strongly.

She nods and I can tell she's fighting tears. "We will. You will."

I smile quickly then head downstairs. Mom walks us to the car and I get in quickly but overhear mom stop Tony before he gets in.

"Tony?"

He turns to face her.

"Take care of her...please." She practically pleads. It makes me feel guilty but Tony's words make my eyes water a bit.

"I will, Mrs. Baker." He replies sincerely.

I can see her choking up but she forces a smile and waves as we drive off.

We drive in silence for a while before Tony breaks it. "You okay?" He asks gently.

I shrug. "I don't really know what that word means anymore. I mean, I'm not melting down but I don't feel amazing either." I answer honestly. "Think I freaked Mom out a little bit though."

"How so?"

"I told her why I spaced out." I mumble. "It's the bathroom, I can't go in there."

"Why?"

I give him a look. "You know why. I can't even bring myself to open the door. I freeze up and I panic."

"You have that PTSD shit, Meg. No one faults you for that. Least of all, your mom. She probably is happy you're talking to her in the first place." He reasons.

"Which is why you need to take care of yourself right now." He points out.

"So what's next on the treatment plan, Dr. Padilla?" I ask sarcastically.

"A nice lunch and a beautiful hike. Then we'll go from there." He replies, not missing a beat.

"And some good music?" I ask hopefully.

"And some good music." He repeats, agreeing with me as he pops in a mixed tape.

I roll down the window and rest my head on my arms. I close my eyes as the wind whips through my hair. I imagine myself flying. Somewhere far from the chaos and pain. Free from the burdens I've been carrying. Somewhere, anywhere but here.

I remember Hannah. She used to love to ride with the window down. We'd take road trips and have so much fun. We'd laugh at stupid stuff and sing obnoxiously at the top of our lungs. When we were on the road, we didn't talk about stuff that hurt us. It was like a rule. It could wait until the ride was over. Until then, we were carefree. How I missed those moments. How I missed her. But maybe, just maybe, I could still carry on the same rules.

Soon, we arrived at a beautiful trail and I explored a little bit while Tony unloaded the car. I breathe in the fresh and am already relaxed. "Beautiful, isn't it?" He says from behind me.

"Yeah, I can't wait to get on the trail." I reply excitedly.

"Yes but first, we eat." He says motioning to a picnic table that now has sandwiches, fruit, and water set out.

"Oh, Tony this is so nice but I still don't have much of an appetite. I'm afraid I'll get sick." I say nervously.

"And if you don't eat, you'll pass out. So, bon appetite." He insists as he sits down.

"Tony-"

"Meg, part of taking care of yourself is eating. You haven't eaten anything except soup in a week. So sit your ass down and eat your food." He says firmly, with a look that dares me to argue with him.

"Yes, Mom." I huff as I sit down and start eating my sandwich. "Happy?" I say with a mouth full of food.

Satisfied, Tony starts eating as well. "Was that so hard?" He teases.

I throw a grape at him, making him laugh, while rolling my eyes. "Asshole." I grumble but smirk.

Tony chuckles as he eats. I had to admit, after I started eating, I didn't realize how hungry I actually was. I ate just about everything laid out in front of me and practically chugged the water. For the first time in a while, I didn't feel like I was going to puke and felt content.

Tony gives me an amused look as I finish the last of the fruit. "What?" I ask.

"Nothing." He smirks.

"Bullshit." I fire back, making Tony laugh. I shake my head. "Fine, I admit it. I was starving and you make a pretty good sandwich."

Tony laughs. "I'm glad I could be of service." He says amused.

"Thank you." I say sarcastically at first but turn serious. "No, really. Thank you, Tony."

He smiles softly and nods. "You're welcome." He replies then cleans up our trash.

Tony hands me my backpack and we begin our hike. It's peaceful and I feel content as I take in the scenery. Tony and I make small talk along the way. We talk about his family and his current boyfriend, Brad, whom I'm not the biggest fan of but just listen to Tony's thoughts on him. We talk about miscellaneous stuff like music and movies and then after a while, we fall into comfortable silence. It takes my mind off of Hannah and everything else going on. I think about Tony's friendship and want to find the words to thank him but I don't have them at this moment. All I can do is be thankful for this day and be thankful that despite the dull pain is still in my heart, it's subdued for right now. Most of all, I'm thankful for not being alone.

The hike itself was 5 miles and ended on a cliff that overlooked for miles. It made me feel small.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Tony interrupts my thoughts.

"Yeah. Makes me want to never leave." I reply as I sit on the edge, letting my legs dangle. Tony joins me in silence, taking in the view with me. After a while, I catch Tony staring at me. "What?" I ask curiously.

He shrugs. "You look peaceful. Haven't seen you that way in a while." He replies.

I offer a sad smile. "I haven't been this peaceful in a while. My whole world changed when Hannah died and down there," I nod towards the city. "I don't know how to function. But here...here I'm still hurting but I'm okay."

"Then we'll stick around for a while." He says softly.

I wordlessly squeeze his arm with a soft smile then refocus on the wide open skies in front of me. We stay until we can't any longer and make the long tread back. About halfway, I think of something that I had been meaning to ask Tony.

"Tony?" He turns around when I stop and say his name. "The package Hannah left on your doorstep...what was it?"

Tony's face falls and he rubs his neck nervously. "Do you trust me?" He asks suddenly.

"What?" I ask confused.

"Do you trust me?" He asks again slowly.

"Of course, I trust you. Why?"

A somber look appears on his face. "Then will you trust me when I say this conversation can wait?" He asks gently.

I'm taken aback but I shrug. "Can I ask why?"

"It's just a conversation for another day, Meg. Can you trust me on that?" He asks carefully.

After a few moments of thinking, I finally relent and decide to let Tony have this one. "Okay. It can wait." I say softly.

He releases a breath he'd been holding in and forces a smile. "Okay then. After you." He motions me to continue our hike.

I go along with it but for a few moments, I'm left wondering. What secrets is Tony Padilla keeping from me?