Akechi was torn.
On one hand, throwing himself under a subway train seemed like a fun alternative to dealing with his vestigial conscience while being gently patted on the head by Joker et al in spite of all the crap he put them through.
On the other hand, if he had thrown himself under a subway train, that would've meant someone else would have to be the bait in the Thieves' plan to get Mr Sakura back, and he hated that thought even more than he hated himself.
So at 9:25, he got out of a taxi in Yongen-Jaya and marched to Leblanc, quietly hoping for a freak accident granting him the sweet release of death, but it didn't happen - you're not getting out of this so easily, pancake murder boy.
The bell at the door clanged as he entered and left the cane by the door. Joker was standing by the stove, cooking something in larger pots than usual, Haru was preparing a coffee behind the counter, and Mishima and Futaba were sitting in one of the booths, by her laptop.
"Ooh, you dressed up," the princess remarked, noticing his trademark beige suit.
"If they're supposed to pick me up at Wakōshi, they need to spot me in the crowd." He adjusted his tie - it felt reassuring around his neck. Like a noose, but comfy.
"Rootkit, your phone," the TTS program read out.
"Here you go," he handed it over and sat down by the counter. "I was told there would be breakfast."
"Yup. I'm cooking curry for everyone, and Haru's on coffee duty."
A half-filled espresso mug was placed in front of him. "I allowed myself to be a bit creative with the blend. Try a sample and tell me what you think."
Having no expectations, he put the mug to his lips and slowly drank everything. "Hm." He put it out of the way. "Competently made, very tasty, though it leaves an aftertaste of bitter almo-urk." He grimaced, then fell forward on the counter, just in time to startle Joker about to serve him his curry. Haru giggled.
"Um, what's happening?" Mishima reacted, unsure.
Type type type. "Bitter almonds contain cyanide. It's a poison joke."
"See, he's suicidal and Haru has a reason to want him dead. Comedy fucking gold," the brunette put the meal in front of him, dejected. "You're giving me interrogation room flashbacks."
"Crap, sorry," he picked himself up. "I won't do that again." He turned to the princess. "The coffee was splendid. May I have a large refill?" He started eating, Haru reached for a large mug, and the brunette returned to the stove.
"You're on edge, Joker," Mishima stated the obvious. "I've never seen you like that before."
He sighed, putting another serving of curry on the plate. "You know what's cool about the Phantom Thieves' usual MO?"
"The knowledge that you're making the world a better place?"
"The catharsis coming from crushing a bad guy?" Haru piped in.
Joker put the plate in front of the girl. "I mean, you're both right, but what I was going for is, you know what to expect. There's a formula. You see the enemies coming. You take turns. When you get hit too hard, you can just… eat a fucking candy bar or something, heal yourself and get going." He returned for portions for Mishima and Futaba. "But today the bad guys won't let you get a hit in, the attacks won't be announced, and there's no health items; when they shoot you, you die!"
"Except when you-"
"One more word and I will cut your tongue out, Goro."
"Anyone else want coffee?" Haru piped in.
After everyone was served, Joker went to grab a bite for himself, but then the front door was slammed open and in came Ryuji, twirling a baseball bat in his hand. "I'm battin' a thousand!"
He was followed by Makoto. "I allowed myself to stop by Untouchable and acquire some… battery-powered help," she said, pulling out a stun baton from her pocket and displaying it. "Also, sis insisted on tagging along."
Sae Niijima entered the building, marched past the two, grabbed Akechi by the lapels, and stared him down. "If you attack my sister or her friends ever again, the police won't find your corpse."
"There's eight Thieves and one of me. If I do hurt her, there won't be anything left for you," he said, unfazed. "Also, try Haru's coffee, it's outstanding."
"Sae," the brunette spoke up.
"Akira," the prosecutor released the detective, who returned to eating. "As Makoto had mentioned, I decided to volunteer for the 'Plan B' team."
"Do you know how to fight?"
"I train kickboxing and aikido."
"Are you aware of the risks?"
"Yes, and that's why I refuse to let Makoto go unsupervised."
"Welcome aboard then. Are you guys hungry?" All three nodded, and Joker went to the stove to get food for the newcomers. Haru put two coffees for the Niijima sisters and a bottle of OJ for Ryuji and the prosecutor took a sip from her cup.
"…wow, the coffee is marvelous."
"I know, right?" Akechi said between bites. "Distinct from Mr Sakura's usual, but great nevertheless."
The princess smiled proudly.
"Alright," the text-to-speech software read out, "Rootkit, come over, we've gotta install the hardware on you." The camera was secured with a bit of black tape just underneath the knot of his tie, with a few barely visible cables going in parallel behind the tie into an inner pocket of his suit jacket, where the rest of the electronics were placed - a microphone, a battery, and a Wi-Fi adapter connecting things to his phone. "The video and audio will go through your phone to everyone via the chat app. I've already installed it for Nishima, I'll install it for Miss Niijima in a moment, and everyone else will get an update link in a sec."
Sae handed over her phone and everyone else had received a notification. After a moment, everyone was able to see whatever the detective would've been able to see if he was thirty centimeters shorter.
Type type type. "Video's working, we just have to test the audio. Could you go upstairs and say something?"
Akechi marched to the attic. "Can I borrow one of your hoodies, Joker?" everyone's phones announced. "I want to travel to Wakōshi via subway. Maybe take a scenic route, spend some time alone with my thoughts."
"Yeah, sure!" he shouted.
The prosecutor turned to the brunette. "Aren't you worried that someone might be watching the cafe?"
"Morgana's patrolling around, just in case."
"Morgana?"
"The cat."
Sae raised an eyebrow. "Your cat is on guard duty?"
"Just trust me on this one."
Akechi marched downstairs, ruffling his hair and putting on Joker's glasses he had held on to, just in case. The prosecutor looked at the combination of a hoodie, suit pants and dress shoes. "You look like you're returning from a formal party with an extreme hangover."
"But do I look recognizable?"
"No, not really."
"That's all that I'm concerned with." He sat back by the counter and finished what little remained of his curry. "Where and when will the Metaverse team meet up?"
"Here, at eleven."
Akechi checked the time. "I think I can be at the rendez-vous point by then. Better too early than too late." He drank the coffee and slid off the stool. "If I do not come back, make my crimes and motivation known to the public. Drag my name through the mud without a second thought."
"Goro," the text-to-speech program called him.
He froze, then turned towards Futaba, staring at him. "Erm, y-yes?"
She typed something. "Bring back my dad and wipe away the debt."
"I… I-I-I…" he collected himself, "I'll do my best, I promise." He inched towards the door and grabbed his cane.
"Can I walk you to the station?" Joker asked. "Futaba, can you turn off the bug for a moment? I want some privacy."
She gave him a thumbs up and pressed some buttons on the keyboard. The brunette marched to the front door and opened them, allowing the detective to limp out onto the street. The two quietly marched towards the station before Akechi spoke up.
"So, what do you want to talk about?"
"I dunno. I just don't want my last words to you to be 'I will cut your tongue out'." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I… never wanted to be your enemy, Goro. Even after everything that happened, even though it still stings, I don't want to. Especially now, when you're sticking your neck out for someone close to me."
The detective looked aside. "Can I… can I make a confession?"
"Sure."
"I…" he paused, "I'm an imbecile."
"You're too harsh on yourself, but go on."
"I'm not harsh enough!" he raised his voice. "I was so… envious of you! It was… it was one of the driving forces for most of my actions over the past month, and now I'm seeing you crack under pressure and the realization bashes me across the head that the perfect infallible Akira Fucking Kurusu exists in my head and literally nowhere else!"
"Deep breaths." Joker allowed him a few inhales and exhales before crossing his arms. "So, you finally realized I'm human, huh?"
"I'm realizing a lot of obvious things nowadays."
A pause, as the two stared at each other blankly, before Joker blurted out: "...do you want a hug?"
"I don't know, do you?"
Cue a beat, and then a hug. An angry, awkward, too-tight-for-comfort hug between two people that were on the opposite sides a week earlier, were forced by circumstances to cooperate, and attempted to salvage whatever genuine friendship had been between them, if any. At least I'm going for friendship but I can't stop y'all from interpreting this otherwise, can I?
They released each other after a long while and then awkwardly stared at one another.
"…please don't die."
"…I'll try not to, honest."
After another period of silence, Akechi turned and limped downstairs to the platform, while Joker returned to Leblanc and got hugged half to death by most people present. Not because they had overheard the conversation with the bug - Futaba had turned it off, as requested - but because he very obviously needed one.
Five minutes from Yongen to Shibuya, ten minutes from Shibuya to Nagatachō, and forty minutes from Nagatachō to Wakōshi, plus thirty minutes in total spent on changes and thought-collecting. Two stations before Wakōshi, he messaged the other Thieves and confirmed that the Metaverse team's complete and waiting in Leblanc, the Plan B team is heading in that general direction, and both teams can still access the audio and video feed from his bug.
He got off at the destination station and limped out through the south exit, then sat down on a bench near the bus terminus. Then, he took off the hoodie and hung it over his right shoulder, removed the glasses, and waited.
The first two people that approached him were pushy fangirls, wanting a selfie and an autograph on some personal belongings. He went through the motions with an almost genuine-looking smile, quietly wondering how much of his current misanthropy was based on such interactions. The nondescript-yet-familiar man in the black suit was a welcome sight by comparison.
"You're early," he said.
"I didn't want to make you wait," Akechi got up, leaning against his cane. "Take me to your leader. Slowly, if you please, I ended up twisting my ankle since the last time we met."
The two marched into a black car with tinted side windows, parked nearby. As soon as the door locked behind him, the detective asked "He's still alive, isn't he?"
"Obviously," the goon replied. "Alive, unhurt, he even got some cup ramen for breakfast. As we said, we just want to talk."
"About what?"
"The boss will give you the details, but the bottom line is," he glanced into the rear view mirror, at Akechi sitting in the backseat. "we want you to work for us."