Chapter Four: Give Me A Reason
Four weeks later, Cas was alone in the house, waiting for Jo to come over. The kids had gone out to do something with Dean and Sam, and Cas was trying to not have a panic attack. There was some new Me Too thing on the news, and he had thought he'd be safe, he was watching E! News. Cas didn't know what he was going to do if he couldn't calm down. As far as he knew, Jo didn't know what had happened that night. Cas had managed to keep it out of the papers, the fact that he was now a Winchester had helped immensely. Cas didn't want to have to tell her. He didn't want to talk about what was wrong. He hadn't even talked to Dean about it. It wasn't that Dean hadn't tried, he had. Cas just wasn't ready to tell him how he felt.
There was no end to the nightmares, he woke up every night with the aftermath of one. Dean had only woken with him a few times. And that was mostly because they slept entangled together. Cas was dressed for the first time in weeks, and he'd showered. Dean had been making him shower, but this one he had done himself. He felt a little better, something about having a reason to get dressed and clean made him feel better. He was ordering some Mexican food, he and Jo were going to eat and hang out. Cas felt like they hadn't gotten to hang in awhile.
This is when the doorbell rang, and Cas moved to get it, working past the lump in his throat. He could do this. He went to let Jo in, even though he'd told her that she could use her key. He and Dean wanted Jo and Sam to think of their house as theirs too. Cas gave her a smile when she walked in. "I just ordered some Mexican food. What do you want to watch first?" He did his best to make his tone cheery.
Jo looked at him. She knew something was wrong with him, and she wished that he would tell her what it was. She knew something had happened, because she knew that Sam had gone out to help Dean and Cas get back to the Impala. But she didn't want to press anyone, especially Sam. She knew that that would end up bad with him and Dean. They had a tendency to lie to each other and Jo didn't want to come between the two of them if she didn't have to. "Sounds good. I don't care, whatever what you want to watch is fine with me." She told him.
It was nice to be with Cas today. She felt like they hadn't gotten to hang out in a long time. Although it had been Ben's birthday the week before, and they had been talking awhile while the kids had been playing. Jo also knew that Ben was getting ready to come out. He had confided in her. She had told him to tell his parents. Jo knew that they would be supportive, and she knew that he knew that. But she couldn't say that she understood how he felt from personal experience, because she didn't. She'd never questioned her sexuality, she had always been straight and she knew. Jo had kind of always been in love with Sam, even if they didn't hook up until after he'd gotten into college and lost Jessica.
Cas moved to make them some margaritas. He had gotten them set up so they could get drunk and silly. Since they weren't driving anywhere, it was a good idea. He added some mix, tequila, and ice to the blender and turned it on. "I think we need to let loose and get drunk." He told her, and she gave him a soft smile. Cas let it mix up well and then grabbed some glasses. "I've got some ice cream too, for when we've eaten." Cas picked up the blender to bring with them to the living room. He put it down on a pot holder on the coffee table and pulled up Netflix.
"I'm glad we get to hang out today." He said, and he meant it. He signed in under his and Dean's name, and they cycled through the categories for awhile. "We can't do The Walking Dead, because Dean will kill me if I watch without him." Dean loved that show, the bad guy reminded him of John. Cas thought it was cute. Plus, Andrew Lincoln was gorgeous. Cas wouldn't say that out loud to Dean, but he also knew Dean wouldn't get jealous, they didn't think it was cheating to think celebrities were good looking. Not to mention, they trusted each other.
Jo sipped her drink. "I don't like that show anyway, Negan creeps me out." She said, and they both laughed. They both knew why Dean watched, and it was for Negan. Jo settled back on the couch. "What are you going to do for your husband's birthday? It's in a month." Jo knew Dean was a bit freaked out about turning 37, but she knew it wasn't a big deal and so would he. His was a spring birthday, May 24th. Jo didn't know what Cas was planning, but she knew that he didn't want it to be a big deal. "You shouldn't do something huge, because Dean hasn't really been that about birthdays since he got past thirty, since 40 isn't that far off."
That was something he hadn't considered. He turned on Pretty Little Liars, they both liked the drama and it wasn't real for them, so it was fun drama. Cas sipped his own drink. "I know he doesn't want a big deal. But I am going to take him to see Aerosmith." He said, he'd gotten the tickets three months ago. "I know how much he loves Steven Tyler." Cas had to admit, he'd had a crush on the man most of his life. He loved Aerosmith. "I know he's not thrilled about turning 37. But honestly, he's such an old soul." Cas himself was 39, and he wasn't at all freaked out about turning 40 the next year.
"Honestly, I don't know what the family will want to do. I also plan to make sure we get burgers at a place Dean loves. I know my man, he's not a fancy person." Cas loved that about Dean. He was definitely an old soul, and he also was who he was unapologetically. He hadn't freaked out at all about falling in love with Cas. He had just owned it. Dean was who Cas was meant to be with, he was sure of it.
Meanwhile, the kids and Dean and Sam were at Dave and Busters. Even Laura and Jamie. Dean was holding Jamie and watching Ben play some games. He was killing it on some car racing thing. Jamie was looking around at everything with wide blue eyes. Dean was just waiting until they could get burgers. He was still playing his PS2 at home. Dean was old school when it came to most everything and that included video games. He bounced Jamie on his hip, and Ben cried out in an expletive when he lost. "Hey, no f word." Dean said. "You know I don't mind otherwise but your brother can hear you."
He was wondering when Ben was going to tell him that he was gay. Dean had figured it out, he'd seen some boy walking with Ben at school a few days before. He knew that that was what Claire knew about him. Dean handed Ben some more change, so he could play again. Dean wondered if he could bring it up with Ben, see if Ben would admit to it. Dean didn't want to force him though. He'd also seen that kid kiss Ben's cheek. He knew that something was going on. Dean didn't care, and he knew that Ben should know that if he didn't already. "You got anything to tell me?" Dean asked, moving around to see Ben better. Sam, Claire, Frankie, and Laura were off playing somewhere else. So it was safe if Ben wanted to open up about something.
Ben looked at his father before he put the money in. Jamie wasn't paying attention, he'd caught the sight of a Wreck it Ralph game next to them. He wasn't sure why his father was asking, and he didn't know if he wanted to tell him about Jesse. "Um, no?" He said, wondering what his father knew. Usually when he said stuff like that, it was because he knew something. Ben knew it wasn't because of Claire, even with all the shit he'd given her, he knew that she'd never out him like that. Had Dean seen him and Jesse the other day at school? Ben was fourteen now, he was able to date if he wanted to.
Sighing, Dean said, "I know that you're gay, Ben. I saw you and that boy at school. I didn't want to do it this way, I wanted you to tell me yourself. It's okay, Ben. Gay, pans, bi, whatever. You know that. You don't have to keep it from your father and me." Dean knew that he couldn't make Ben admit it now, but he wanted to make sure that Ben knew he could. "Whoever you are is okay. And if you need to talk about your mom… you can." He knew that Ben wouldn't talk about Lisa. Because he was like Dean, Dean never spoke about Mary.
This made Ben's eyes fill with tears immediately. He didn't want to talk about his mother. "I don't want to talk about her." Ben said, shaking his head. He didn't want to think about her. He turned to face Dean in the seat. He knew he should either play or move, but he had to calm down before he tried to play the game again. "You don't talk about Mary." He couldn't call her grandma. He never had. Ben wondered what it would be like to actually have one. Lisa's mother had died when he was born, and of course he'd never really gotten to know Ellen. "When you talk about your mom, I'll talk about mine." He said, and he saw Dean's wince. He hadn't meant to hurt him. He just didn't want to talk about Lisa.
"But… I think I am at least bi, Dad. I have… I think I have a boyfriend, Jesse Turner." Ben didn't know if that's what they were, but they'd been hanging out a lot. "He's a little older, 15." He hoped that that wouldn't be a problem with Dean. "He still can't drive or anything." He hastened to add.
Dean bounced Jamie again, who was starting to get hungry, he was sure. He reached into the diaper bag to get out a bottle for him. He took the cap off and put the bottle to Jamie's mouth, who began to drink eagerly. "You don't have to hide it from us. Bring him over, if you want. We can have it just be me and your father, if that's easier for him. Meeting the whole family can be kind of intense." He wondered if that had been a problem for Cas, although his husband had never seemed to have an issue with being with his family. Dean just wished that Cas' own family had been as welcoming as his was. He knew that it was hard to be without your family. Dean would never not miss Mary, Bobby, and Ellen.
"You shouldn't have to hide who you are, Ben. I don't want you to think that there's anything wrong with you. You know that there isn't. And I'm going to have to meet him before I say for sure you're allowed to date him, but him being only a year older than you is okay. You already know that I will ground you for the rest of your life if you get into trouble." Dean adjusted Jamie better so he could eat more easily.
This is when Dean's cell phone rang. He had to work quickly to answer it, and Jamie had to hold the bottle himself, something that he did know how to do. He pulled the phone out and answered it. Someone asked for Dean Winchester, and he said that was him. Then he heard some medical professional telling him his son Cory Winchester had been in an accident with his mother. The mother had died and Cory was in critical condition. Dean wished he could rub a hand over his face, this was not what he'd expected, but he shouldn't be surprised. He'd had a lot of sex with a lot of women in his youth. "Okay. I will be there. Can you tell me how old he is?" He asked, knowing how that sounded.
"I wasn't aware he existed, or I'd not need that information." Dean told her, and she told him the boy was seventeen. Dean sighed and said, "What hospital?" She told him, and he told her he would be there as soon as he could and hung up. "Okay, I've got to go and be at the bedside of a son I did not know about. Always use condoms, kid." Dean told Ben. "Can you take Jamie so I can let your uncle know I've got to leave?" Dean was so glad that they'd needed to bring two cars. Ben took his baby brother and the diaper bag, and Dean texted Sam to find out where he and the other kids were.
About an hour later, Dean was at the hospital, and they'd pointed him out to a room with a dark haired olive skinned kid. He wasn't as dire as they'd told him on the phone, he was awake, and his leg was in a cast. There were a few cuts and bruises on his face, and a big bandage on his forehead, that his black curls had fallen over. Dean knocked on the door and the kid looked up from the book he was reading. "I'm Dean." He said, and the kid gave him a slight nod. Dean came in and sat down on the armchair by the bed. "So, I'm your dad." He said, wondering how much the kid knew. He rubbed a hand over his face. "I wish I could say that I was surprised, but I'm not. I used to be a playboy who slept around a lot." Dean said, the boy was looking at him with wide brown eyes. He looked half Latino, Dean wished he remembered the mother.
Cory looked at his father. He'd always known that Dean Winchester was his dad. His mami had never let him contact him or let him look him up to find out if he was still in Dallas. "My…. they told me Mami is gone. So does that mean I'm coming to stay with you?" Cory asked. Dean gave him a nod. "Do I have a stepmom? Siblings?" He asked, he wanted to know what he would he be getting into going to live with his dad. He listened as his father told him he had a stepfather, two sisters and two brothers. Cory's eyes widened. "That's so cool though. What's Cas like?" He asked, wanting to know everything about his stepfather.
"Cas is a great guy. He's a writer, and we met and it was pretty much love at first sight. We've been together ever since our one night stand." Dean said. "Although technically it wasn't, I was drunk and he didn't want to take advantage of me." He said, a soft tone in his voice. "We've been together almost two years. I was… I knew Cas was the one because I had a heart condition, and I was really sick, and we hadn't known each other longer than a week or two, and Cas stayed by my side. He never left once. We actually got married in the hospital." Dean loved to talk about how he and Cas met. "It's so weird, because we met in my sister in law's mom's bar. And we'd both been going there for a long time separately and we didn't meet for a long time. There's so much more to tell you, so much more that we've been through. But seeing as what you've just been through, I won't tell it to you all now. We'll get to it in time. I spoke to the nurses, they said that they'll let you go tomorrow, as soon as they are sure that your concussion is gone. You are actually not supposed to fall asleep."
This was all something Cory hadn't expected to hear when he did meet his dad. So his dad had a husband. Cory thought that was pretty cool. He wasn't sure if he was straight or gay or what. He was kind of open to whatever happened, and he supposed that meant that he was pansexual. "Okay. What about my mom? She's my only family… who is going to handle the funeral?" Cory didn't know what to do. He had never met anyone in his mother's family, she had always told him they didn't want to know her. So that meant that it was just him. He didn't know how to do any of that.
"I can handle it, I'm sorry, but I don't remember your mother. I wish that I did. I didn't used to be a good guy. I know that. I probably didn't give her any reason to let me know about you. Your sister Frankie, that was the same kind of thing. And your brother Ben. I promise you, I'll do the best I can to be your dad. I'm getting pretty good at it if I do say so myself." He said, giving him a sly smile. Dean didn't know what Cory's mom would have wanted. "Do you know what your mom wanted?" He asked, he'd been through losing a mother at a very young age, and so he'd be able to commiserate with Cory about suddenly not having a parent in your life.
This Cory didn't know, so Dean said he would just go ahead and set up a funeral and when Cory was released from the hospital they'd go and get his things so he could come home with him. Dean had already let Cas know about Cory, that had been part of the hour in getting there, he'd not been that far from the hospital. He'd been able to tell that Cas was drunk, so he knew that he might have to tell him again. "I should go get a start on all of that, and visiting hours are actually ending. Are you going to be okay if I go?" He asked, he wouldn't feel right about it if Cory didn't think he'd be okay.
"Yeah, I'll be okay. If you promise you'll come back tomorrow." Cory said, which Dean did promise to do, and they had a half hug.
A week later, Cory was settled into his own bedroom, in between Claire and Ben. They had a lot of bedrooms. Although when Jamie was old enough to move out of the nursery he'd be sharing a room with Frankie. Who absolutely didn't mind. She loved playing with Jamie. They had about six months, and then he'd be able to move out. Dean wondered if they were going to use it one more time as a nursery, with Cory, Cas might be full up at kids. They had five now. Dean was making dinner, they were having lasagna. It was cheap to make (like they had to worry about that) and fed lots of them. He was busy putting it together. Ben, Claire, and Cory were in the family room, Ben and Claire were working on homework. Cory would be starting school the next week. Dean had had to have him transferred from his old school since he moved in with them. He was out of the district.
Frankie and Jamie were in the kitchen, Frankie was helping set the table, and Jamie was crawling around playing with Dianna. He loved that dog. Cas was upstairs, either sleeping or working on his book. Dean wished he could get him to talk about things. He'd been drawn in and closed off lately. Dean hated that Cas had had to go through being raped again. The cops were no closer to catching the rapist, either. Dean knew that that wasn't helping either. Dean finished putting the lasagna together and slipped it in the oven, along with some garlic bread.
This is when Cas came down, looking bleary eyed. He went straight to the fridge and got out a Coke. Dean looked at him. "Hey, baby." He said, his tone soft. He moved to kiss him. Cas was freshly showered, but he hadn't put on clothes, he was wearing one of Dean's old Black Sabbath tee shirts and a pair of sweatpants. Dean liked when Cas wore his clothes. "I just put dinner in the oven. You're going to eat today, right?" He asked, his green eyes looking into Cas' blue ones. Lately Cas had been trying to avoid eating if he could. Dean knew the day that Jo had come over had been just to hide to Jo that he wasn't really eating. But he couldn't hide things from Dean. They were married.
Staring into his husband's green eyes, that reminded him so much of emeralds, Cas wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to eat. He wasn't hungry. He'd lost ten pounds since he'd been raped again. Cas only ate when Dean was watching. And since Dean went to work, he didn't eat during the day. Cas knew that Dean knew that, he was the one who was sleeping wrapped entangled around him at night. When Cas could sleep. Which wasn't often. Cas bit his lip and took a drink of his Coke. Dean's arms were still wrapped around his waist. He knew what he had to say. Because Dean would know if he was lying. Cas sighed. "Yes, I'm eating." He said, tears gathering in his eyes.
Burying his head in Dean's neck, Cas heard Dean tell Frankie to take her and her little brother to another room, and they ran off to the living room, presumably to mess up the room where they took guests when they came over. At least it wasn't the family room, since the older kids were doing homework. Cas said, his voice muffled, "You didn't have to do that, Dean." He knew it was because Dean was going to try and get him to talk. While Cas appreciated that his husband cared, he didn't want to talk about things. It wasn't going to make him feel any better.
Dean tugged Cas to the table, so he could still drink his Coke. Dean sat down in a chair and Cas sat in his lap. He sipped his drink. "Cas, I know you don't want to talk. But you should try at least. I am so sorry that I couldn't have stopped this. You have no idea how much I kick myself because I wasn't faster getting outside to you." Dean felt a lump forming in his own throat. "You're my husband, and I love you. And I should have been able to protect you." Dean hated this, he hated that Cas had to feel like this again. Dean had looked up the stats, and once you'd been abused once, it was very likely that you'd be attacked again. Predators knew what to look for.
"You have to try and get some of this off your chest, baby. You aren't eating when I'm not around, and I know how much alcohol you drink when you can get away with it. You aren't going to get a lecture from me, except about the eating. You have to eat. You aren't going through this alone. You're going through this with me, and the kids. You think the kids don't notice that you're hurting? Because they do. Claire and Ben are old enough to know that something is wrong, and Claire knows exactly what it is. You've got the worried too. Even if Frankie doesn't know what it is, she knows something is wrong and she's asked me why you're sad all the time."
Cas lifted his head so he could look Dean in the eye. "No. This is not your fault. I want you to know that. You didn't know this was going to happen. I love you so much. You do protect me. Things still happen." Cas wiped some tears from Dean's face. He hadn't shaved in a few days and he was a bit scruffy. Cas loved when he was a bit scruffy. He bit his trembling lip. His eyes were full of tears. "I don't….. I'm sorry that I'm making you all worry. I don't want to do that. I just, I thought I was done with this years ago. It happened and I went through the therapy, and despite a few times when I get flashbacks, for the most part, it's been okay. And now…."
He didn't know how to finish that sentence. Cas took another long sip of his Coke. He didn't really know what to do. "I don't…. I don't know what to do. Dean, I am really trying to get through this. I know it doesn't look like it. But I really am. I love you, and I love the kids. I just, I'm having a hard time forgetting how it feels. You know that I don't want to be stuck. I want to move forward." He said, finishing off his Coke and putting the can down.
Leaning out, Dean kissed him. He'd meant it to be a soft tender kiss, but Cas knocked it up to NC-17, kissing him deeply and reaching his hand into Dean's pants, his hand rubbing Dean's cock. Dean gasped against Cas' lips and kissed him back. When the kiss broke, he called out in a strangled voice to the kids to keep out of the kitchen for a bit. Glad that the door was closed. Dean wasn't able to say more, Cas had moved and was working Dean's cock out of his pants. He got on his knees and took him in his mouth, and Dean was choking back a cry. Cas took him in as far as he could, and his hand played with Dean's balls. Where Cas had gotten the idea to do this Dean wasn't going to question.
Sucking him until Dean was having some precum, Cas pulled down his pants enough and straddled Dean, using the precum as lube and eased Dean into his entrance. Dean gasped out loud as his cock slid into Cas. Cas wasn't usually the bottom. Dean assumed it was because of the abuse. Cas liked to be the one in control. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' hips as they moved together, and Cas leaned to kiss him. Dean's hand moved around and started to stroke Cas' cock, trying to match the hip movements they were both making. "Oh fuck, baby…" Dean managed to say against Cas' lips.
It was quick and fast, and Cas and Dean both were going to have to change clothes, Cas came all over both of them. Dean reached up with both hands to cup Cas' face. "I love you. I love you so much. You have done so much for me, and I want to be able to be there for you and do the same kinds of things for you. You just have to let me. I'll never be able to make up for the things that you do for me, but I want to try. I know I'm not good enough for you, and I never have been. Fuck, we just got another of my kids. I always tried to use a condom, but I've got three kids that are mine because I couldn't keep it in my pants."
Dean started again before Cas could cut in. "Don't tell me that I'm good enough for you. Because I'm not and I know it. I am the luckiest man in the world because you fell in love with me. I was never with a guy before you. But you are the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know you know that, but I think you really need to hear that right now. You are the love of my life Castiel Winchseter. You love me and you took my family into your life."
Cas pressed a kiss to Dean's lips, as they both worked themselves back into their pants. "Dean, you have saved me in so many ways. You gave me a life that I never thought I was going to get. I know you think you aren't good enough for me. But you are. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. I wouldn't make it through anything without you. I would be dead without you, Dean." Cas knew this was true. Because if he hadn't this family and Dean he'd have killed himself this time. He knew he had to say that part out loud. Dean had to know. "Because without you and the kids, I'd have killed myself that night." He said, and Dean's green eyes widened and filled with tears.
"But I do have you and the kids. I'm trying to get better for all of you. I would be dead without you. You are that important to me, Dean. You make me want to keep breathing. Don't you ever again say that you aren't good enough for me. I'm not good enough for you." Cas knew Dean would disagree with that, but it was true. As far as Cas was concerned.
Dean moved his hands down to Cas' shoulders. "Castiel Winchester, I want you to promise me right now that you will never even consider killing yourself ever again." He said, and Cas nodded. Dean was crying as he spoke. "Because I couldn't make it if I lost you. I couldn't and neither could these kids. I can't make you want to live, but you have to try for us. For me. I've lost so much of my family already, and I can't lose you. I can't." Dean was crying too hard to talk anymore, and they wrapped their arms around each other, the oven timer going off.
Sniffling, Dean said, "I'll get that and we can go up and change for dinner." Cas nodded, and they both went up to change, asking Claire to get the dinner out of the oven.
The following morning, Claire was the first of the kids up, and she went downstairs to find Cas in the kitchen. "Hey, Daddy." She said, and moved to get a bowl of cereal. "So, you going to tell me how you feel about what happened?" She asked, arching an eyebrow as she sat down with her bowl of Fruit Loops. "Because I know that something happened and you won't talk about it even with Dad. He told me what happened Daddy. And I know you don't sleep much, and I know how much you're not eating."
The fact that Claire had noticed all that was not a surprise to Cas. She was a very observant child. "Claire, please. I'm trying. I know that you think I'm not. But your father and I talked about this last night. I'm going to try and do better." He said. Cas was sitting there with his laptop. He'd actually been working on his book. He'd been up since four, he and Dean had gone to bed about ten, and he'd slept, but he'd woken up at four and couldn't go back to sleep. It was now seven. The kids had an hour and a half until the bus showed up. Since Cory didn't start school until the next week, he was going to help Cas keep an eye on Jamie and Frankie.
Speaking of Frankie, she came running downstairs. When the fall came, she'd be starting kindergarten. They'd discussed starting her in preschool and had decided against it. She hadn't been ready to be away from home like that. Cas knew it was because she'd lost her mother, and was still getting used to having a stable family life. "Morning, kiddo." Cas said to Frankie, who reached for her stool and reached up to get her Cocoa Puffs. Claire usually helped her with the milk. This time it was already on the table. Frankie slid into her booster seat and Claire poured her milk. "Morning Daddy." Frankie said. "Papa said he's coming down too." She told him, and Cas knew that once the kids were out of the kitchen they were going to talk about how Cas wasn't sleeping.
She dug into her cereal, and Claire put her bowl away in the dishwasher and moved to make a fresh pot of coffee for Dean. Cas didn't really drink coffee anymore. Since he wasn't sleeping much. Claire wished her sister could have slept at least a half an hour later than she did. Claire wanted to talk to her father. Everyone had taken Ben's being with a boy in stride, all Frankie had asked was if they kissed like Daddy and Papa. Ben had blushed and they'd all had a laugh. Claire and Ben were also getting along a bit better, he'd started to relax as he realized that his family wasn't going anywhere.
The front door opened, bringing Sam. He was going to take the kids to school. "Hey, guys." Sam said, and noticed how gaunt Cas' face looked. Sam moved to sit down at the table. Dean came into the kitchen, and Sam said, "Oh, Dean, close your robe." He had no desire to see the boxer briefs Dean was wearing. Dean didn't even try to blush and closed his robe. Sam listened to the coffee percolating and looked at Claire. "Why don't you go and make sure Ben's up for school?" He asked her, and she shared a look with him before she moved to go upstairs. Frankie excused herself to go and watch cartoons.
Dean picked up her bowl and put it in the dishwasher, getting out some eggs and bacon. "Cas, you're eating breakfast whether you like it or not." He said, as he got out a frying pan. "Sammy, you want some eggs?" He asked his brother, who shook his head and said he just wanted coffee. Dean said, "Fine, jerkface." He watched the coffee dripping into the pot and groaned at how slowly it was going. He added some pam to the pan and then began mixing up the eggs in the bowl. Dean looked over at Cas. "Oh, babe, were you working?" He asked, he wasn't going to talk to Cas about his insomnia with Sam here. He knew that Cas wouldn't want to.
"Yes, babe, I was writing." Cas said, and knew he'd have to eat breakfast. He caught Sam looking at him, and he met Sam's green eyes. "Morning, Sam." He said, wondering how long it was going to be before they made him speak to John. John had done his tour in the special victims unit, it was a requirement for all cops. Most of them opted to do only the two years, John had done six. Cas knew that John would know how to talk to him if he wanted to talk. Cas just wasn't sure that he could talk to him about it. Since it involved the rape. Cas thought of John as his father too and he just wasn't sure if he could get through a conversation like that with his father in law.
Glancing at his brother, who was adding the eggs to the large pan, Sam then looked at Cas. "You don't have to pretend you're okay for me, Cas. I know what happened. You don't have to talk about it, but you don't have to pretend to be okay." Sam moved to go and get some coffee, since it was finished percolating. He poured himself a cup and then one for Dean. He knew that Cas wasn't drinking coffee lately. Dean had told him, and Sam could only guess it was because he wasn't sleeping so well. Sam wasn't going to make Cas talk about that either if he didn't want to.
"I can't imagine what you're going through, Cas."
Before Dean could add his two cents, the phone rang. He picked up the house phone, it almost never rang unless it was school for the kids. "Hello?" He asked, and was surprised when he heard a voice he hadn't heard in years. It was Ash. "Ash, what the fuck, man? Where have you been?" Dean asked, Ash had gone to high school with him and then a couple of years after he'd just been gone. Dean had always wondered if Ash had had a crush on him or something. It was just a feeling that he'd always had.
"Hey, Dean. I thought I'd tell you I'm back in town." Ash said. He had had a huge crush on Dean back when they were kids, and he had had to get away because he knew that Dean would never feel the same. Then he heard Dean had a husband. Ash was kind of curious and had to meet the husband. Ash was staying in a hotel for the moment. He'd made a lot of money working for Apple. He had sold his place in California and was now back. He knew that he wasn't going to get Dean, he wasn't going to honestly try, but he had to find out why it was this guy. Why it was this guy that Dean had finally come out for. Ash had been sort of keeping in touch with Jo, and she'd let him know the last time they'd talked, which had been about a month ago.
"I also hear you're married." Ash said, giving Dean the opportunity to tell him it was a man.
Dean stirred the eggs with the spatula and added the bacon to the other pan. "Yeah, to a man. Castiel Novak. He took my name. Why?" Dean asked, he knew that Ash had had a crush on him and was asking to see if he was married for that reason. He wanted to see if Ash would say that was the reason. He knew that he wouldn't, but Dean had to see if he could get him to. That was just how their relationship worked. "Garth is still in town, by the way." Garth and Ash had had an off and on thing all throughout high school. Dean wanted to put Ash's ex's mind on his brain. Remind him of what he'd had. Garth still wasn't seeing anyone seriously and he knew that he'd be glad to know that Ash was back.
That was news to Ash. "Well, I haven't spoken to him in years." He said, he knew that was Dean's way of changing the subject from his marriage. "Is he with anyone?" Ash asked, doing his best to make sure to not sound like he was curious. That would give Dean the win. And he was trying not to do that. It was always a power struggle with them. Ash was one who enjoyed it, and he knew that Dean did too, even if he didn't want to admit it out loud.
"No, he's not with anyone. He'd probably be glad to hear from you. Why don't you call him?" Dean said, and hung up. He was kind of mad now. He knew what Ash's intentions were, and he didn't want the other man to cause contention in his marriage. And Dean knew that if he let Ash meet Cas, that's exactly what it was he was going to do. Dean finished cooking and placed a plate in front of Cas, being quiet as he sat down with his own. He was going to end up thinking about this all day, and he had enough on his plate at the moment. Fucking Ash.
Lost from the start I might as well be on the moon
Much colder than I thought even in the month of June
No communication makes you feel so alone
All we need is patience in which I've never really known
But now it's too late, it's taking over me
It feels so supernatural and I'm pulled the other way
It's more than I can take and I'm losing hold of everything
And no matter how I try you know I can't deny
'Cause you feel so supernatural
Through the atmosphere I'm seeing
Glimpses of the past I'm leaving
Holding on for life as we collide
Author's note: So, I had this started for awhile. Sorry it's taken a bit to update. I swear, Ash will not cause trouble for Destiel. As much as he might like to. Garth and Ash will probably hook up. And a talk with John and Cas is coming. Only because they love Cas and want him to get better. Not sure what will happen next, other than a surprise pregnancy. I won't tell you who. And I SWEAR, Cory will be the last of Dean's kids from his past. If they have any more, it will be him and Cas who adopt. I SWEAR. Cory's PB is Tyler Posey because he's a precious baby puppy and I love him. He might not be the last secret child, however. ;)