Raising Winchesters

Chapter 25

After almost three months of learning how to kill whatever monster he might come across, John was more than ready to go on his first hunt. He had been gearing up for his first hunt since the very moment Jim Murphy first told him of hunters and the monsters they hunt. The only hitch in his hunting plans was the fact that he had two small boys to take care of. Two small boys that wouldn't take him leaving very well, at all.

Since the day he had taken the boys and drove away from Mike and Kate, John had spent very little time away from Sam and Dean. An hour or two here and there was all he could manage. Since being at Jim's, he had spent most of his time with his nose buried in a book, but the boys knew that he was there. He was really worried how they would respond to the news that he was leaving for several days.

Of course, Sam would miss him, but he was still young enough that it wouldn't really affect him much. At least, he hoped not. Dean, on the other hand, was a whole different story. The few times John had left the boys in some crappy motel room with some young woman to watch over them left Dean quieter than normal for several days afterwards. John knew that the boy's psyche was fragile, that his fear of something happening to his father was larger than life. Dean had already lost one parent and his whole world had been turned upside down. John's leaving for longer than a few hours might prove to be too much for the kid.

But John had to do it. After discovering the truth of the world they lived in, he had no choice but to do what he could to fight the evil that surrounded them. For Mary. For his boys. For himself. And if that meant he had to leave his sons occasionally… well, that's what he had to do. Dean would get over it. He had to.

John and Jim planned on leaving early the next morning and Jim had arranged for Mrs. Howard to stay with the boys. John put off telling Dean that he was leaving for as long as he could, but eventually he just had to man up and get it done. Shoring himself up first with a few beers, he finally called Dean over to him, and once Dean was standing in front of him, John pulled him closer to stand in between his knees.

"Hey, Dean, I need to talk to you about something, okay?" John almost couldn't stand looking at Dean, knowing that he was about to break his heart. "Dean, do you remember how Daddy used to go to work every day with Uncle Mike?"

Dean, who had been unconsciously gnawing on his thumbnail, nodded his head. John gently pulled Dean's hand away from his mouth before he continued.

"Well, I, uh….. I need to go to work for a few days, kiddo. And you're going to stay here with Sammy and Mrs. Howard." John didn't miss how Dean's eyes widened when he heard that he had to stay with Mrs. Howard again. "But, it'll only be for a few days, Dean. I won't be gone long, I promise," he added, hoping he would be able to stay true to his words.

"I don't want you to go, Daddy," Dean said quietly.

"I know, champ. But I have to."

"Sammy and I can go with you, Daddy. I promise I'll be good! And Sammy'll be good, too!"

"I'm sorry, Dean. You have to stay here."

"I don't want to," Dean pouted. "I wanna go with you."

"You can't, so you're going to stay here with Sammy and Mrs. Howard, okay?"

"I don't like Mrs. Howard, Daddy. She always does this." Dean reached up and patted himself on the top of the head, making John laugh. "And she always talks weird to Sammy."

"It's just for a few days, Dean. I'll be back before you know it."

John was surprised to see the tears spilling down his son's face. Before he could say anything else, though, Dean turned and ran out of the room. "Well, that went as well as could be expected," John mumbled.

He was still sitting at the table, staring into the bottle of another beer, when Jim walked into the small kitchen.

"Hey, John. Did you have that talk with Dean? How did it go?"

"How do you think it went?" John growled.

"I imagine it didn't go too well. John, maybe we should postpone this for a little while. I can send someone else for the job."

"No. I'm going and Dean will just have to learn to deal with it, Jim. He needs to learn that this is our new life now."

"John, this is no life to be raising kids in. Your boys deserve better."

"My wife deserved better than what happened to her, Murphy. She was murdered in our baby's nursery. She's dead. That life is over and the sooner Dean realizes that, the better."

Jim knew it wouldn't do any good to argue with the man, so he dropped it. Pouring himself a cup of coffee, he sat down at the table across from John. "Mrs. Howard is going to be here at nine in the morning, so we'll leave then."

"I want to leave earlier than that. It's a long drive." John didn't want to admit it, but he wanted to leave before Dean and Sam woke up. He knew he was taking the coward's way out and he hated it, but it didn't stop him from trying.

"I'll call Joanna and see if she can come earlier," Jim answered, after giving John a long look.

"I'll be ready at six."

The rest of the evening went fairly fast and before John knew it, he was getting the boys ready for bed. For the first time in a long time, he sat on the closed toilet seat while Sam and Dean played in the bathtub. He studied his boys closely while they played, taking the time to really check them out. Sam, who he realized was now just a few weeks shy of being a year old, looked healthy and hearty. His eyes lit up whenever he looked up at Dean and he laughed as Dean splashed water on him. John also noticed for the first time that Sam now had two new teeth. When did that happen?

Once he had checked Sam over, he turned his attention to Dean. The first thing he noticed was that the boy was in dire need of a haircut. Mary always liked to keep Dean's hair short, but he had only had one haircut since her death. He made a mental note to take him to a barber as soon as he got back.

The next thing he noticed was that Dean was still a lot thinner than he was six months ago. He knew that the boy had been eating better lately, but it obviously still wasn't enough. Dean usually had a great appetite, but he still didn't seem completely interested in food. Unless it was pie, of course. John smiled to himself as he thought about how much Dean loved pie.

As he watched them play in the bathtub, John noticed how attentive Dean was to his brother. He remembered that Dean used to love playing in the tub, especially with toy boats and battleships, staging battles and rescue missions. But now, the boy just played with Sam, doing whatever he could to make the baby laugh. John noticed a rather large ship on the side of the tub and offered it to Dean.

"Here you go, Dean," he said as he held it out toward the boy. When Dean didn't move to take it, John was surprised. "I thought you liked boats and ships, kiddo…."

Dean eyed the ship almost greedily, but refused to take it. "Sam doesn't like it, Daddy," he said quietly. "He always just throws it out of the bathtub."

"Well, that doesn't mean you can't play with it, right?"

Dean looked at the toy, looked at Sam, and then looked back at John. "It's okay, Daddy. I'll just play with Sammy."

John didn't know it at the time, but he was witnessing the very beginning of Dean's sacrificing his own wants and needs to take care of his brother. If he knew what that sacrifice would eventually lead to someday, he would have put a stop to it right then and there.

Once the boys were clean and in their pajamas, John led them to their room. Tucking them both into bed, he grabbed a book from the table and settled in next to Sam. He could tell by the way Sam could barely keep his eyes open that it wouldn't be too long before he was sound asleep and he hoped that Dean wouldn't be too far behind.

By the time he was halfway through the storybook, Sam was asleep and Dean's eyes were growing heavier. Setting the book down on his leg, he turned to look at his oldest.

"Dean, remember what we talked about today? About me having to go to work for a few days?" When Dean nodded sadly, he continued. "I have to leave bright and early in the morning, bud. But, I'll call you tomorrow night, okay? And you can tell me all about how your day went."

John could tell that Dean was trying to keep from crying and it nearly broke his heart. For a split second, he thought about cancelling the hunt and letting someone else take care of it, but in the end, he just couldn't do it.

"Dean, I need you to be a big boy, okay? I need you to stay here and help Mrs. Howard take care of Sammy. Can you do that?"

Dean nodded and quickly wiped away the few tears that had escaped his eyes.

"I knew I could count on you, kiddo." John reached over and ruffled Dean's hair, surprised when the boy leaned into his hand instead of pulling away. "Just like I can count on you to behave for Mrs. Howard, right?"

Dean frowned, but nodded again and John decided to leave it at that.

"Okay, then. How about if I finish the story, Dean? We were just getting to the good part, if I remember right."

John ruffled Dean's hair again and then grabbed the book, picking up where he left off. By the time he was done, Dean was asleep.

The hunt took longer than John and Jim expected and by the time they were done, a whole week had passed. John stayed true to his word and called to check on the boys the first night, but didn't call again the rest of the time they were gone. He knew that Mrs. Howard would have called if anything had happened, so he was reasonably sure that everything was okay.

After driving for almost eight hours straight, they finally made it back to Jim's. Both men were physically and mentally exhausted and more than just a little bruised. John was looking forward to a long, hot shower and the chance to stretch out on something softer than the ground they had been sleeping on for the last week. He was also looking forward to a nice, cold beer.

What he wasn't looking forward to was the look on Dean's face.

When they finally pulled into the driveway, John heaved himself out of the truck and grabbed his duffle bag. The first thing he noticed when he opened the front door was the sound of Sam crying loudly. Dropping his bag at the door, he stepped into the house and made a bee-line to where he thought the crying was coming from. He could hear Mrs. Howard….Joanna….trying to calm Sam down, but the boy was crying disconsolately. Loud sobs that tore at John's heart.

"What's wrong?" John asked as he stormed into the kitchen, his eyes immediately seeking out Sam. He felt bad when he realized how badly he had scared Joanna with his sudden arrival, but didn't have time to apologize. "Is he hurt? What happened?"

"He's fine," Joanna said loudly, trying to be heard over Sam's wailing. "He just wants Dean, that's all."

She quickly handed Sam over to John and they were both relieved when his wailing softened to almost normal crying. John looked around the kitchen, trying to figure out where Dean was and why he wasn't helping his brother.

"Where is Dean?" he finally asked.

Joanna gently patted Sam on the back as she looked up at John. "He's upstairs, John. In his room."

John looked at her, obviously wanting her to continue explaining.

"I sent him up there to spend a little time in the corner."

"Why? What did he do?"

"He's had a bit of a rough week," Joanna admitted. "This isn't the first time I've had to resort to putting him in time-out."

"Joanna, what did he do?" John asked in a tight voice.

"It really isn't that big a deal, John. I know he didn't mean to do it. He's just been so worried and anxious since you left and I think it finally just became too much for him."

John was just about to start yelling at the old woman, his need to know what Dean had done completely overruling his usual manners. Before he could say or do anything, though, she continued.

"We were just finishing dinner when it happened. I had just finished feeding Sam and was trying to get Dean to eat more of his dinner. He really hasn't been eating very well since you left." She paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "I told him that he had to eat at least half of his chicken and vegetables before he could have any of the apple pie I made and it… well, I guess it made him mad. The next thing I knew, he was throwing his food at me. He has good aim," Joanna laughed and John noticed for the first time that she had what looked like peas and carrots stuck in her hair.

"He threw his food at you?" he asked incredulously.

"I'm afraid so," she answered quietly. "Like I said… it's been a rough week."

"What else happened?" John asked, wanting to know exactly what it was his little trouble-maker had been up to while he was gone.

"Oh, John…. Please don't be mad at him. He's only five years old and he was worried and frustrated. I'm sure he didn't mean any of it, really."

"Joanna, he knows how he's supposed to behave. And he knows what to expect if he chooses not to. Now, please tell me how the rest of the week went."

John listened as Joanna told him about tantrums, arguments, and general naughtiness that had carried on the whole time he had been gone. By the time she was done explaining everything to him, he was angrier than he could ever remember being at his son. Intent on heading upstairs and dealing with his brat straightaway, he handed Sam back to Joanna, not even noticing when the baby started crying again.

"John, wait," Jim said as he lightly grabbed him by the upper arm. John tried to pull his arm out of the man's grasp, but Jim held on. "Wait. You need to calm down before you go up there. You're too angry."

"You're damn right, I'm angry," John growled. "Dean knows better than to act like that."

"John, please. Just give yourself a few minutes to calm down, okay? Maybe go take a shower, wash some of the road dust off of you."

John stopped trying to remove his arm from Jim's grip and slowly nodded his head. He took Sam back into his arms for several long minutes and when the boy had finally calmed down, he handed him back over to Joanna. Seconds later, he walked out of the kitchen to take a shower.

Joanna and Jim both prayed that he would be able to calm himself down before dealing with Dean.

Author's note: Sorry for the wait on this chapter. I had a little bit of a block for a while, but I think I finally worked through it.

So, any ideas/thoughts on how John is going to handle this situation with Dean? If so, I'd love to hear them. I'm really trying to show that John isn't yet the man we know from canon. I think Mary's death instantly hardened him, but he isn't quite the emotionally dysfunctional dad we've come to know through thirteen seasons of the show. Like I said….yet.

Thanks so much for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter and the story as a whole.