Chapter 23- The Way You Make Me Feel
Even if I wasn't the biggest fan of getting up early, I felt sharp that morning. I knew Fikiria had agreed to talk about our situation. It seemed clear to me from the evening before that he was aware, we were only going to resolve it by talking to each other. At the same time, I was alert due to the fears I had of Fikiria holding some kind of resentment towards me because I hadn't asked him sooner. I knew in a short amount of time; all of my thoughts would matter little. There would be the two of us, our thoughts, and then how we resolved it. Fikiria and I must have felt the same kind of tension between the two of us, and ever since it manifested, it had been a struggle to live with when we were near each other. From my point of view, it wasn't fair on Simba that I had done any of that. Just the thought of that evening made me cringe; the thought of my betrayal overwhelming at times. I knew he wouldn't do that to me, so I couldn't help but feel like I didn't deserve him. Having those thoughts in itself was strange. It wasn't a long time before that when my thoughts weren't on these lions, or on the complications and mistakes in a relationship. My thoughts were on my studies. At that point, thoughts of studies seemed far less stressful than any thought I was having about Simba or Fikiria. One of the lionesses that I had befriended, Tabia, even asked if something was wrong, because I hadn't been saying much when sitting with them. Even if I had made friends, I didn't know if I could trust them with something that big. The consequences if anyone found out could be horrific. The truth though, was that keeping it to myself had been hurting me. Despite requesting to talk with the prince, the fact he gave me extra time to stew over these thoughts meant they cranked up in my head, like their intensity had been increased. Simba asked when I woke up if I was okay, mentioning that I had been fidgeting in my sleep all night, and it woke him up on more than one occasion. He was the lion I wanted to tell both the most and the least. He was the one I couldn't tell. I suggested he go back to sleep as I made my way outside, unable to take in the surrounding beauty of the Kifalme. I could feel tension in the morning air. It was cooler because the sun hadn't risen yet. As a result, I felt how tense I was, only able to imagine how tense I looked as well. I looked around to see no one approaching. I thought that he might have forgotten, or maybe I was up too early. My ears flicked to all possible directions, scanning for sound that might suggest there was someone approaching, but on that still morning, there was nothing to be heard. I hated waiting.
I took the opportunity, sitting down at the mouth of mine and Simba's den, looking up at the sky. Although most stars had faded from sight, whilst the sun was yet to break the horizon, it was possible to see a few of the remaining ones. They became my target, staring at them as I took a deep breath. "I know it's been a while." I spoke up to the stars, picturing the kings I had met, "I just...I think I really messed up. I'm doing all I can to help us get back home, but I am worrying myself sick most of the day. Hey, I just called the Pridelands home...seems strange to think of it as anything else now. I know I'm good at hiding it, but I think I might be on the brink of just letting it all out. Maybe Simba will appreciate the honesty and forgive me if I don't do anything like that again." I paused, looking around to see if anyone was listening in, which they weren't, "What would you guys have done in my situation? I realise that a lot of you wouldn't have been so stupid to get into that situation. I don't know why I did that in the first place." I shook my head, looking back up afterwards with a smile, "That's not true. When I'm with him, I can't explain it, but there's like a fire between us...it's such intense chemistry, and we don't need to have seen each other for long. The way he talks to me, the things he'll do in front of me...what I'm sure he would do for me. It all makes my head feel a bit light, like I'm dizzy. It's just so different to what I have, and I guess that because it is new and exciting, I couldn't help myself. I wanted that connection as much as he did. I can't deny it, but at the same time, I know the promises I've made. Simba is so special to me, and he has always been there for me whenever I've needed someone. Ever since I found him again, I know he is someone I can depend on. We might not have been together long, but I know he loves me. That's why I feel awful when I look at him right now. He would move the world to make me happy. Would I do the same for him? I want to be there for him. He and I have such a strong bond that of course I will take pride in being his queen when we get him back on the throne...if we do. The more I've had it said to me, the less weird it is for me to think that I'm going to be queen if we get back to the Pridelands. I guess that's good. Anyway, I need to get back on topic...I need your help on what to do, because I'm scared I'm going to make a mistake that will undo everything good that's happened so far." I sighed, feeling some of the pressure ease just because I had been speaking to some stars.
Only a moment later, movement caught my attention, but only because I was able to hear it. A second later, Fikiria came into sight, a lot closer than I was comfortable with considering he may have heard some of the things I had said. "Who were you talking to?" He asked, raising a brow as he looked in the same direction I had been. At the same time he asked that, his features took on a curious smile.
My response came after a moment to think, "I was just speaking to my parents." My ears fell back, my expression sad, "I was asking them for some advice...not that they'll answer back, mind you." I sighed.
Fikiria's response was to frown with concern, "Hey, don't be like that, they're watching over you." I noticed that he kept some distance even after he closed in to comfort me. "I guess we should head out on patrol, right? Neither of us want to be late for our training. I'll have to come back here and get Simba when we're done, but we can make sure to pass by where you train on our way back, sound good?" He asked, giving me his signature smile again. Even with all the nerves I had, I couldn't help but perk up in front of him, nodding and standing to start our patrol. I almost forgot why I had agreed to the patrol that morning. Almost.
As I followed him, walking by his side, it became apparent both of us were going to withhold talking about us for the time being. We didn't have to say it, but there was an awkward tension around us, and neither were willing to break through it. "So, what do you do on these patrols?" I asked, the two of us having waked for several minutes in that awkward silence we were becoming accustomed to. That question brought us out of it though, his normal energetic self returning. For a few moments, he was just smiling at me. Whilst my own was there, it was a lot more sheepish than his. I looked around, trying to find somewhere else to focus on, but it was impossible for me, his beautiful eyes making sure I knew he was looking at me, "Fikiria, stop looking at me like that, it's creepy!" I huffed, looking away.
His laughter came after I looked away, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry." He stopped his chuckling, which made me feel comfortable enough to look at him again, waiting to hear his answer for real this time, "Patrolling is easy. It's really easy when you know what you're doing. All we have to do is walk through a certain area, checking to see if there's any suspicious activity going on. It's also the job of those on patrol to report back on the condition of the lands. It's important to remember the details, because that can tell the king what sort of things may need to be done so that the land can heal again." He explained, gesturing out to the land we were walking through. As he was speaking about it, I tried to look around for any details I could, or any danger. I couldn't imagine there ever being any danger though, what with how effective Nguvu's rule seemed to be. "I can remember I was so excited, so happy that dad let me have some kind of responsibility. I know it sounds weird coming from me, but the moment I saw Kiburi having to learn how to be king, I felt like I didn't have a lot of purpose." He sucked at his teeth for a moment with another grin on his face, "I know, quite a depressing thought for a cub, but I think it's how a lot of second born lions can feel in a royal family. I guess you wouldn't know that." He chuckled, shaking his head as he continued to lead me through the land, "I don't hate my brother for it. I just want to be doing something important as well. I don't want to be just 'The king's brother' if that makes sense?" I nodded, letting him know I agreed. "Do you think that king Taka was the same as me, that he wanted to mean something?" He asked me.
Hiding my frown was impossible as I thought of an answer to that. He stepped closer, as if he was about to apologise, but he couldn't when I started to speak before he could, "You and he aren't alike. Sure, you're both the second born, but I haven't seen you act anywhere near as nasty as he has. Fikiria, if you were even beginning to suggest that you might turn out like him, don't. I don't know if he was sweet when he was younger, or not, but I do know that you aren't like him." I could see the faint flicker of concern on his face, though he did a lot to hide it. I decided to lighten the mood a little, "For example, he didn't have a friend as cool as me to keep him in check if he ever did step out of line." Forgetting the awkward tension between us, I shot him a playful little wink, catching him by surprise.
"Oh, is that so?" A smirk grew on his face and he padded closer to me, neither of us looking around on patrol like we should have been. I wasn't surprised we had gotten like this, feeling the same spark between us that I felt the first time we met, and again on the day we were reunited. As much as it pained me to think of what I had done to Simba, I knew that the feelings I had for Fikiria wouldn't ever go away. He knew it too, which is why he wasn't stopped when he leaned in, giving a small nuzzle.
It was a good thing I had enough resolve to break from it, having returned for a small moment. I changed from the smile I had to a much more serious expression, though I felt my nerves rise again, "Fikiria, we can't avoid the subject. We know we need to talk about it." I urged him, still not saying what it was in an explicit manner. I hated to see the smile fade from his face, but it came back sooner than I thought. I was a little confused to see him smile after what I had just said, "Uhm, why the smile?"
The prince's first response was to shrug at me, keeping his smile on me, although he toned it down at my request, "I'm just smiling because this is great. I mean, look at us. It takes such a small amount of time before we're both enjoying being with each other. I can't get enough of making you smile. We work so well together. It's great to know there's someone that I can really be myself around. I just know that no matter what, we can always go back to making each other happy." I could tell this was his way of starting. He didn't want to address the topic head on. I could understand it, feeling overwhelmed by it as well. I leaned in some, trying to get a word in, but he saw what I was doing before I had the chance, "No," he shook his head, "I know what you're going to say, but don't say it. Please." The smile had gone from his face, and the two of us had stopped walking, pausing the patrol.
Stepping in closer to him, I felt like I needed to cheer him up, but I knew that this time, I couldn't, "Fikiria. You know I have to say it. We have to talk about this, otherwise I don't think either of us will be able to laugh with each other for a long time." I urged, stepping into his view as soon as he looked away.
He let out a heavy sigh, "I know how I felt about it. That day when you arrived here. That moment when I had you in my paws. Tishala, I knew I didn't want to let you go. I'm aware that we shouldn't have done that. I'm aware that it could send everything tumbling down. For the first time though, I didn't care. The only thing I cared about in that moment was you. I just knew that I wanted to be with you. I knew it was wrong, but I still wanted you anyway. I don't regret it. If I was in the same position again, I would do the same thing. For that moment, we shared something so special."
Shaking my head, I interrupted him, "You can't just say that. That's not true. It was heat of the moment. We don't know what we wanted; it was just out of impulse. If it was anyone else, you would have done the same thing." I hesitated for a moment, feeling a wave of pressure rush over me, "I know I can't say that it's something I wanted. I didn't know what I was doing. We just...reacted." I sighed.
Fikiria's eyes went wide as he showed his surprise to that, "It wasn't something you wanted? What do you mean it wasn't something you didn't want? No, you're lying. I know you're lying." He paced back and forth a couple of times, his tail flicking to show his agitation, "If you really didn't want to, then why didn't you stop me? You say it was a reaction, just in the moment, but what if that's because it's what you want? I don't understand why you can't just tell me the truth about this. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that it wasn't what you wanted." He stared right at me, his irritation unnerving me enough that I couldn't look into his eyes. I also knew he was right, but admitting it wasn't what I wanted to do. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap like that...it just means so much to me." He calmed himself enough that I could look at him again, "You can't tell me that you didn't feel something as well." He nodded, as if my eyes gave him the confirmation he needed, and they did.
The feeling I had in my stomach was sinking, like I was losing control of the situation, "Look, even if I did want to tell you that it meant the world to me to be with you, it doesn't matter. We can't be together anyway. We need to remember the roles we're playing. Neither of us can go through with this, because we know it can't become a reality. Our roles-"
Fikiria interrupted me, shaking his head and stepping closer, "Why should we care about our roles? Our roles don't matter when we both know that it should just be you and I. No one else matters. After what happened, I realised that. I spent all that night thinking about you. I thought about all the moments I'd had with you up to that point. How can I not feel so strongly about someone who makes me smile at the thought of them? Even when I was getting tired, I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to, just in case what happened was some kind of dream that I was going to wake up from. If it was a dream, I didn't want to leave it, in a world where I knew you wouldn't be there. If our roles are such a problem, then we can throw them away. I don't need a role to be happy. I just need you." He pulled away a little bit, chuckling, "I know how ridiculous I sound, and believe me, it wasn't that long ago that I thought it was stupid to ever feel like this about someone. How difficult was it to keep your head? I'd ask that whenever I would see a smitten couple." He continued.
I talked over him, trying to keep the conversation on track, "Our roles do matter though. We can't just run away from all of it. I thought about you too. I'd be lying worse than I already have if I told you I hadn't thought of you."
The prince took his chance to talk over me again, "I wouldn't blame you for lying to me. It's a lot of thoughts to take in. I know it was for me. A lot of these thoughts left me confused. As I said, I didn't think I would feel this way about someone so soon. I even told you when we first met that I didn't believe in love at first sight. I guess it wasn't at first sight, but it was the first time I had seen you in a while. To go from one day thinking I might never see you again, to the next day when you arrived in my father's kingdom. It was a lot of emotions for me on that day anyway. You looked just as happy to see me, and that moment just confirmed it for me." He started chuckling again, "What confused me the most though, was the fact that when I thought of you, I got such mixed feelings." I cocked my head to the side a little bit, frowning at him, "What I mean is that I knew I shouldn't have these feelings for you. I knew it was wrong, because you and Simba are together, and you're promised to be his queen. I knew that as soon as my father told me you were here. Even then, I didn't know how to feel about that. I'm happy for you, but I want to be happy for you, with me. So anytime I thought about the two of you, I'd just focus in on you. It left me with a lot of mixed emotions. One part of me felt resentful of you. I even had a little resentment for Simba. I want who he has. I want you, and the fact I can't have you is maddening. More than resenting either of you though, I resent the fact I can't have you." He went a little red, having admitted something so personal. I didn't feel right to cast any judgement on him, "The other part of me doesn't resent you at all though. That part of me," He stepped in closer, our faces only inches apart as I felt my heart race, forced to look into his deep teal eyes, "well, that part of me can only adore you." He finished, looking straight into my eyes.
"I didn't realise you'd thought that much about me." I commented, backing away from him a little bit as I continued, "Of course I felt something that day. I feel it every time I'm near you. It can drive me as crazy as you. Sometimes I need to get away from everyone to just cool off...relax. I need it so I can get you out of my head. I try so hard to do the right thing all the time, and I know that being with you isn't the right thing to do. I hate the fact that this is all so complicated, but you and I both know that Simba and I are together. I know that Simba loves me with everything. I can't do that to him." I shook my head, taking another step back, though I didn't want to get further from him, knowing he would need some comfort when I told him.
He shot an intense stare at me, asking, "Do you have the same feelings for Simba? Tell me you love Simba as much." He stepped in again. I stood my ground, but felt flustered, my cheeks going red with an intense blush as I could feel just how much smaller than him I was.
The prince stopped once he was close enough, and it took all of my courage to settle and answer him, standing as tall as I could. I didn't want him to see any weakness, "It's very different with Simba. He and I have spent every single day with each other for a while now. We built up a bond, we know each other so well. He knows so many things about me that no one else will know. I know that Simba will always be there, ready to jump in and defend me...no matter what I've done. Our love grew through that bond that is still growing today. I love him so much, and I don't think I could forgive myself if I ever hurt him in any way. Just thinking about it makes me die a little on the inside. I know that I love him. After everything he and I have been through, we have a shared understanding, and even through all the troubles he has, I love him for them. I know, when I look at him, when I talk to him, that he feels the same way as I do. Fikiria, I know that you and I do have something. There is definitely something good between us. I'd be really stupid to not see it. Maybe if I hadn't met Simba, then there would be a future for you and I as something more than friends." I paused for a moment, sighing as I continued, "I think that it won't be too long before you get tat sort of feeling for someone again. You're such a fun lion. When that happens, you'll realise that we did the right thing." I smiled.
Fikiria turned to look at me again, shaking his head, "As much as I appreciate you trying to be nice to me about all of this, I think you and I both know that I'm not going to feel this way about anyone else. You tell me about this great connection we have with each other, but you're not willing to admit to yourself that this might be something you want more than anything else. Maybe if you do, you'll be able to accept our feelings for each other." His smile was only half cocked, telling me it wasn't a hopeful suggestion he was giving me.
"Maybe I'm not willing to admit it to myself, you're right. However, doing that means that I am taking responsibility. As future queen of the Pridelands, I need to do this. I have to think about not just Simba and I, but for the benefit of everyone I know." I answered, but I couldn't say any more than that.
The prince let out a small snarl towards me, stopping as soon as he started speaking, "For the benefit of everyone except me!" He yelled, the hurt clear in his voice. Looking into his eyes this time, I felt a pang of fear. There was such intensity, such a strong glare looking back at me, I felt uneasy, but only for a moment, "You talk about doing what's right. You say that what you're doing is for the benefit of everyone, but you're forgetting about what might benefit you the most. I hate to see that you don't think your own happiness is as important. I know you have feelings for me, as much as I do for you. It's why I get so worked up just thinking about how you do everything for everyone, except you and I." He moved in and lifted one of my front paws in his; anger having shifted to concern on his face. He looked into my eyes as he held my paw up, "I know what I'm saying could come across as selfish...but I've seen what you're like when you're feeling down. I can see how much pressure you put on yourself. Even if not for me, just think for yourself sometimes. It breaks my heart to see you struggle." He confessed, his expression not lifting at all as he let my paw go.
For a moment, I was worried we were going to get lost in each other again, but when he looked away, I remembered what I was going to say, "I think of myself plenty. I'm not with Simba only because I think it's the best for everyone else. I know that we have a connection, but I can't just throw out what I have with Simba for it...even if sometimes I let myself want to. I'm sorry that hearing this hurts you." I could see his frown grow again, a low rumble coming from him as his frustration continued to build. Sensing the entire mood souring further, I took a deep breath before closing the distance between us and pressing against him. I started nuzzling against him, my eyes closed as I didn't want to risk seeing the reaction in his eyes, knowing I would find it hard to fight back against whatever feelings would develop from that. "I really am sorry." I had a sorrowful tone, trying to let him know I didn't want any further harm. He and I had already been through a lot together in terms of the conflicting emotions we had to deal with ourselves. Even with more lions around me, I couldn't have felt more alone than in those days, and I knew he had been the same. I didn't know why, but the emotions of this talk had meant that as I embraced Fikiria, I could feel tears start to fall from my eyes, rolling down to stain my fur a little.
Before too long, he was returning this affection, trying to quiet the sobbing I had started. The release of emotion made me feel better, but it wasn't something I could stop, hard as I tried. He shifted a little bit and pulled me in closer, like he was protecting me, "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have had that outburst. I know you're doing what you want to do. Just promise me one thing." He held onto me but gave enough space for me to look up at him. He was smiling, taking a moment to try drying the tears on my face. The look I gave him asked what he was talking about, "Just promise me that when you become queen of the Pridelands, you won't forget about me, okay?" He grinned, knowing that wasn't possible. Once I shot him a similar smile, he leaned in again to comfort me, "I'm not going to try and change your mind, I just don't want to be out of your life." He gave a small chuckle, though his words suggested to me that the conversation topic was far from finished, even if we were done for the moment.
The two of us couldn't separate quick enough when Kiburi arrived, so we just moved apart after he got a good look at Fikiria holding me close. For a split second, I thought I saw Kiburi look with a raised brow, but it was gone too quick for me to be sure. His arrival was so sudden, but it brought Fikiria on edge straight away, so he stood to attention, looking up at his brother who continued his approach, "Fikiria, I have been looking for longer than it's worth. Our father wants to speak with you. I will take over your patrol. From the look he gave me, it sounded important, so I think you should make your way there now." The older prince spoke, his younger brother was listening, taking in the details, seeing as it was a request from his father.
Still, despite the request, the younger of the princes couldn't help but ask, "If it's so important, why didn't he come to find me himself? You and I both know he always makes the effort if it's important." He mused, looking to his brother with a raised brow, closing the distance between the two. As I was left to watch, I could feel the tensions rise between them. Even if they were brothers, getting along wasn't easy for them all the time. Though, I could still tell they cared for each other.
"He gave me that responsibility, seeing as I am the future king. It makes sense for me to carry out duties as he would." Kiburi huffed, walking past Fikiria as the two shared another glare, the elder's brown eyes staring straight at his brother's teal ones. In their own ways, both had the same intense look. The difference of course, was that for some reason, Fikiria's would bring me in. "Now, off you go. Don't leave our king waiting." He shooed the younger away, flicking a paw in the direction to go in, his expression remaining stern. With nothing else to say, the young prince left.
As soon as he was gone, Kiburi looked to me and narrowed his eyes, "You and I need to have a chat. Follow along." He stated, walking past me, starting up the route that Fikiria and I would have been patrolling, had we not stopped for our painful, emotional conversation. Even though I followed along, I had to raise a brow, wondering what he could want to speak about, "You're not stupid, so I'll just tell you. My father didn't want to speak with Fikiria. There was no request. I made it up so that I could have this rather...uncomfortable conversation with you. Do you understand?" He looked back to me, keeping a regular walking pace as his eyes scanned the area. He was able to multitask, dealing with me and patrol duty at the same time. I gave him a nod of my head, still unsure where this was going. What I wasn't so keen on, was the fact he said this conversation was going to be uncomfortable. I hoped he meant that it was just like that for him, because I wasn't sure if I could handle another conversation that made me feel unpleasant. One was enough for that day. "I just feel that talking to you about this would be beneficial. It will give you some perspective." He finished, though there wasn't even an attempt at a smile when he said those last words to me. He was just waiting for my response.
Feeling the pressure, I opened my maw to speak, "Okay. What's this about then? As much as I love playing guessing games, you're making me a little nervous, and I'm not even sure what it's about, Kiburi." I let out a sheepish chuckle, hoping he would get less intense for my benefit.
Of course, he didn't do that, huffing in my direction as he answered, "This is about you and my little brother. I know there's something that has been going on between you two." His mood didn't seem to improve at that reveal, which made me feel sick to my stomach. There was someone else who knew, and that increased the risk of it being rumbled to Simba, which would ruin everything that had been planned. The way he told me he was aware sounded cold, even a little angry, "For someone as smart as you seem to be, how could you get yourself involved in something like this? The selfishness is something I can only just comprehend. If you ask me, it's a disgrace to everything you have tried to uphold. For most of the time you have been here, you have been lying to everyone who has been there for you, be it as a friend, or just someone you have met once. The impacts that you were too mindless to think about, well, now they could be huge. You can't just do what you want." He scolded, though he held back a growl, knowing that kind of behaviour wouldn't get through to me.
Even if he was willing to relent on his aggression, I knew there was no point in playing ignorant with him, "How did you even know there was something between us? I haven't told anyone. I know Fikiria would tell me if he told someone. Were you eavesdropping at some point?" I raised a brow, threatening to become more aggressive if that was the case, regardless of how much larger he was than me. "I could argue that you've been just as deceitful to others." I tried to argue, though we both knew that it couldn't hold up against what he had. I could feel my heart pump faster. "You really should ask in advance to have this kind of talk with me. I need to be ready." I huffed, realising defeat.
Kiburi rolled his eyes, like he was expecting that answer, "With all due respect to both you and my brother, neither of you are subtle. I noticed just last night that the two of you went mooching around a corner to talk. I know that it wasn't just a casual talk. Why else would you want the privacy you tried to get? I will be astonished if I was the only one to notice. Neither of you give the other pride members enough credit." He reasoned, keeping a serious expression. I could imagine that if it was Scar giving this talk, he would be mocking to a degree. Kiburi though, he was straight to the point, "I had my suspicions after Neema and I spotted both of you together on the first day you arrived here. Of course, I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but in the following days, the eye contact you gave each other, I'm not an idiot, Tishala." He explained, looking away from me as if he was ashamed. Hearing how he worked it out was like a punch in the gut. I hadn't realised how poor Fikiria and I were at hiding it. "I think the only reason Simba hasn't picked up on it is because of the infatuation he has for you." He continued, starting to make a new point.
However, I couldn't let him push me around anymore, speaking up to stop his monologue, "Don't bring him into this. Don't you think I know what has happened was wrong? I just don't know how to tell him." My head lowered as I stared at the ground, unable to come up with something more convincing than the truth.
The lion prince scoffed at my words, "You know it was wrong, and yet, you still continue with it? He is your future king. If you had any sort of respect for that, you wouldn't be risking it all for some off chance that you might end up with my brother. What would being with my brother even give you?" I opened my mouth to answer, but was beaten to it by Kiburi, "I'll tell you. If you were to start a relationship with my brother, then you may have a happy life together. However, the consequences of that would mean that Simba would be heartbroken. He can't see it, like I said, so it would shatter his world. If he is hurt like that, there's no chance his heart will be in the fight for his homeland. No doubt, he will resent you, and my father wouldn't be approving of such an action. It could mean that you are shunned from the pride. At that rate, there is a chance that my brother would decide you are no longer the one he wants, and so, there you are, left without any pride to go to, and no one with you either. Don't start telling me Simba wouldn't stop in trying to regain the Pridelands. We both know that his performance is related to his feelings. In fact, I would say everything he has done, he has done it with the thought of you to power him on." If there was ever a way to make me feel awful, Kiburi sure knew how to find it. Still, I wasn't going to just take what he said.
Glaring at the future king, I responded, puffing my chest out a little, "I know just how hard Simba works every day. He tells me every time before we go to sleep, so if you think I'm not sure how much Simba does, then you're wrong. I am so proud of him. Regardless of how terrible I have been, Simba knows I'm proud of him. To get back his kingdom, he's doing everything, and he is doing an amazing job of it." I stepped closer to Kiburi, my claws coming out as I let my emotions run high, "It's insulting that you'd even think I had no idea. I work hard too, because I know he is doing the same for me. I'm going to help the one I love to get back to where he needs to be. At all costs. I love him." I finished, holding my glare at the large prince.
Despite my best efforts, he seemed unaffected by my words, "I didn't say you don't love him. What I'm saying is that you should be more careful. As his betrothed, you need to make sure that he is the only one that you love in that way. It is not permissible for the future queen to be unfaithful to her betrothed. That shouldn't be an issue if you do love him as much as you say. What you've been doing. What you're doing right now; it's irresponsible and childish. Not to mention just how selfish it shows you can be. For the role you're taking on, you can't afford to be like that. You made a commitment not just to Simba, but the entire Pridelands and its future. Don't be so childish and throw all of it away on some silly game. It might entertain at first, but it will send everything crashing down. Then none of it can happen." He gave a stern huff in my direction, having never broken his habitual scanning of the area, as we were still on patrol.
His words only made my blood boil. I'd had enough of him calling me selfish and childish, "That's not fair, Kiburi. You don't know half of it, okay? And even if you did, you aren't in any position to judge me." I bared my fangs at the prince, even letting out a warning snarl to him, "I can't stand how you walk around here like you're perfect and all knowing. I think it's all come from the fact you've known you're first in line to rule, and so you've just let your ego inflate so much to the point you can't see anything other than what you say as the right thing. Well, I've got news for you, Kiburi. You're not always right. You make mistakes too. The difference between you and I is that I have been able to identify when I've made a mistake, let alone trying to correct it. I know I'm not perfect, so I don't act like nothing has happened. I mess up. I do it all the time, but at least I can accept that I mess up. Hell, I know that when I mess up, a lot of the time, it makes me stronger as a result. You though? I think if you took the time to realise when you'd messed up, you'd just crumble. You wouldn't know what to do." I spat, focusing my eyes up on his, seeing that he was taking my words in, but holding back.
"I can't pretend like you do. With the amount you hide it, I'd like to know why you think I'm so inadequate as a ruler. Is it just because I don't think like you? I don't do the same things you would? I know that I might not be ideal as a ruler, but that doesn't mean I can't learn. It just seems that you think there is one set way to rule, which I know can't be true. There are different ways to the same result. Sure, I don't know my way yet, but I'd rather find one that suits me than follow what you say. With the way you act, it's no wonder that your brother chooses to spend as little time with you as he can. Maybe that's why he was so happy to see me come here. It gave another reason to get away from you." I shouted, seeing his pupils dilate in an instant, looking to me with pure anger in his expression.
Had I not got any adrenaline coursing from my rant, I might have stepped back in fear, instead I stood my ground as he replied with equal intensity, "I am not surprised you don't understand what I'm saying. Perhaps if you weren't so arrogant, you'd know that everything I've done, I've done it with purpose. Unlike you, I don't go about my business without a sense of direction. I think about what I am doing, and you should do the same. I even thought about why I would have this talk with you. I need you to realise what I'm saying so that you and my brother don't make a horrible mistake." He shouted. Despite the volume, he didn't sound as angry as I had imagined. Instead, he sounded like there was a sense of urgency to his voice, a quiet desperation even. "I'm sorry if you feel like I've just been putting you down the whole time you were here. If you just listened in the first place, then I wouldn't have to be like that. I could be...nicer. The point is that if I don't try and do this, then you two will make a horrible mistake. The reality is, that if you make that mistake, it doesn't just impact you anymore. You're too smart to put everyone at risk just because you might have some feelings for someone who isn't your betrothed." He changed his tone to sound angrier, though it didn't sound like the kind of anger I was expecting, with less of it directed at me, "You couldn't know if I understand or not. You're too wrapped up in your own world to notice." He spat, venom in his words and fire in his eyes, even if they weren't looking at me, "The only reason I've been helping you stop this is because I have been through something similar." Through the anger, I could hear sadness coming through in his voice, "Tishala, do you think I've always been happy with being a prince, where my future queen isn't someone that I've fallen in love with?" He paused for a moment, the faintest sight of a tear forming in one eye, "No. Of course I wanted love as well. I wanted to fall in love with someone." He stiffened up again, composing himself some more, the anger fading from his voice, "We can't always have what we want. You and I are future rulers. As future rulers, we have to forego our own wants in order to provide for those we are ruling over. Sacrifices are something that you will have to get used to making. I know that the only reason you get angry with me is because you know what I'm saying is right. You know it's the truth." He finished, by that point, the heat on his words were gone.
Looking at him felt strange. The admission he gave me was not what I had expected. I thought he was always so sturdy, that he knew and accepted that betrothal was part of his life. I found the thought of him not liking it to be a little odd. Making sure I was closer to him, I let or sides brush for a moment, letting him know where I was before keeping a small gap between us, "Why hadn't you ever told me that before?" I asked. I knew that I hadn't spoken as much to him, so our relationship wasn't strong enough that he would tell me these things. It wasn't like we were even friends most of the time. "Wait, don't answer that. What I really want to know is why you're not happy with betrothal...and for how long?" This time, he did stop, looking into my eyes with a vulnerability I hadn't seen from him before.
The larger lion struggled to maintain eye contact, but persevered, speaking to me in a softer tone than I'd heard from him before, "In truth, I don't know many who are fully accepting of betrothal. I knew that I didn't like it from the moment I heard of what it was. In that way, I think you and I are quite similar. Like I've said though, I learned to accept it, because it is commonplace for heirs. You have been fortunate. You found someone to love, and they just so happened to be the future king. It's rare anyone gets that lucky when looking for love."
My brow lifted as he said that, "I don't think either of us were looking for it. It just sorta...happened. Started as a feeling that just grew. You're right though, I am lucky to have him." I looked to the ground again, gathering my thoughts as I thought about what had been said so far.
Kiburi interrupted those thoughts, "If that's the case, then you should hold onto that love. You know you love him, so why waste it on something that you don't know?" He asked, continuing before he could let me speak again, "Like I said, I am looking out for my little brother. It doesn't mean I'm not looking out for you too. I apologise for shouting at you." He bowed his head, asserting his apology.
I found it difficult not to chuckle, albeit in a sheepish manner as I took the apology, "Kiburi, stop it. Seeing you all soft like this...I think I might prefer it when you're all grouchy with me." I continued giggling, and to my surprise, he joined in with me, unable to help himself it seemed.
The prince stopped walking, gesturing to me, "If I'm not mistaken, those are your friends, and you need to get to your training?" He asked, knowing the answer anyway. It was odd to see him smiling at me like that, but it was genuine and I did appreciate it, even if he had been the source of one of the most uncomfortable talks I'd ever had.
Looking to where he gestured ahead, I could see a small group of young lionesses waiting for me, their heads not looking in our direction, but knowing that group, I had no doubt they had seen us. Why else would they have been waiting? I looked to the Kifalme lands' heir one more time and we both shared a smile. I took the decision to close the gap between us and give him a friendly nuzzle, "Good talk, Kiburi. Next time, just let me know." I snickered. Before I could leave though, I felt him return the nuzzle. It was nice to know that even after the talk we had, we could still be friends. If anything, that talk ensured we were friends, at least in some capacity. "Now, I'd better go. They wouldn't like me being late." I stepped away and looked back at him, "Bye." I didn't even give him a chance to say the same, dashing off to the lioness group waiting for me. As I went though, I took one last look to see him walking in a different direction with a smile on his face.
It took no more than a few seconds after arriving that I had several sets of eyes looking at me, all with smirks on their faces. Tabia jumped to my side and pulled me close, purring as she spoke, "Oh, so do you mind explaining why you were on morning patrol with or future king?" She grinned, pulling me in closer as everyone waited for an answer.
Of course, giving them the satisfaction was not what I wanted to do, maintaining a neutral reaction in front of my new friends, "Prince Kiburi and I just needed to talk, and it was the perfect opportunity. That's all." I nodded. Looking around, none of them were convinced by it, their smirks not fading for even a second. Even Winda was nearly breaking out into a grin. I rolled my eyes.
Even if they had accepted my words, they were choosing to prolong this, teasing me, "Well, you may call it a talk. You can call it whatever you want, but to us, it looks like you're catching feelings for that lion." Tabia joined in again, winking at me.
With a sigh, I replied to them, a small smile growing on my face, "That's ridiculous. He and I just needed to make sure that we could get along. Being future rulers of respective kingdoms, we need to make sure we can be more than just civil if we are to be allies." I snickered, motioning their act as silly.
They didn't change their approach though, closing their circle around me, though Tabia was already latched onto me, "Mhm, sure. You can say what you want, but we're gonna believe what we want." Tabia spoke for them, a few of the lionesses breaking into little giggles.
I made the effort to try changing the topic, "Hey, don't we need to get to training? Laini will not be happy if we are late!" I spoke with urgency, starting to walk ahead.
They followed, but didn't stop their giggling, "Okay, we'll go to training. You can tell us about your talk with his majesty afterwards." Winda's playful tone and purr with her words just broke all of them into laughter, making me go a little red in the face as a result.
Through their laughter, I tried to speak up again, "Shut up. I just wanna go training." I groaned, making them laugh more as we made our way to Laini's new day of what would no doubt feel like physical punishment. I looked at them again as we walked, huffing out, my words only bringing them to more laughter, "You all need to grow up."
A/N: So, there it is, another chapter! I realise this one took a lot longer to come out, and that is only because I have started another academic year, so needing time to adjust to my new surroundings and pressures and such. I will still be updating at least once a month, maybe more if I have time. I don't own The Lion King. Disney has all those rights, long may they reign. Please, leave a review, I'd love to see what you think about it all, it really is awesome to know what others think of my work so far, so please don't hesitate to leave a review or drop me a PM. I'll be sure to answer any questions you may have! Until next time, see you!